All language subtitles for The Neighborhood s07e07 Welcome to the Wicked Stepmother.eng

What happened?!

What-what hap...?

Isn't it obvious
what happened?

These maniacs destroyed
my library.

Don't look at me.

This old heap is a death trap.

(horn honks)

Thank God there was
an experienced driver behind

the wheel of this hooptie.

Hooptie?

This car is 30 years
younger than you.

You the hooptie.

Okay, so my dad's
not a great driver.

That does not mean that
he needs that heifer Loretta.

Gemma can't drive.
Does she need Loretta?

Uh, excuse me.

Why's your taillight cracked?

Something happen
to your taillight?

Dave, don't be rude.

We're talking
about Otis.

Tina,

the man is half deaf,
half blind,

blood pressure high,

doing doughnuts in
a school zone.

The only reason Loretta
was bossing him around

was to keep him alive.

Hey, good morning.

(beeping)

Uh, wha-what's
that beeping noise?

Oh, that's-that's my phone.

Yeah, Loretta
did something to it,

just to mess with me.
(chuckles)

The joke's on her.

I can barely hear it.

It's an alert.
It says "Take pills."

Wait, Daddy, you-you have pills

that you're supposed to take?

Thanks for reminding me.

He got it, just-- he got it.
Yeah, yeah, they're in this thing here

Loretta put them
in here so I'd know

what to take and when.
Okay, okay.

Otis?

All-all your pills
are in "Sunday."

And today is Sunday,
so down the hatch. Oh! Oh!

No, no, no, no, no...
Whoa, whoa, no, wait, wait, wait!

Wait, Daddy.

Let's take a look at these.

Okay, we got
a blood pressure pill.

Okay, I see a Tylenol.

This is a red one
with an "S" on it.

Ooh, let me see that. Huh.

Uh...

Oh, yeah, it's a Skittle.

? Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood ?

? Welcome to the hood. ?

Malcolm, I am a new man.

After yesterday's near-death
experience, I realized

I can't take tomorrow
for granted.

Every day is a gift,
and I'm gonna live life

to the fullest.

Okay, you're right, Marty.

Yeah, life is short.

What you gonna do?

I'm going to the movies.

Whoa, Marty, let's not
get crazy. Calm down.

It's too late.

I already bought tickets
to Ascension III: The Beginning.

Wait, how can III
be the beginning?

Well, the first was
Ascension: Apocalypse.

Then Ascension II:
The Final Battle.

But if II was the final battle,
how could you...?

You know, nuh-uh, no.

Live your life, okay?

I like this new Marty.

Come on.
Living life on the edge.

What you gonna do next,
drink two percent milk?

With my tummy?

(speaks indistinctly)

Hey.

Uh, hey, Courtney.
(chuckles)

Is it laundry day?

(chuckles)

Hilarious, Malcolm.

I left the Wand of Vengeance
in the car,

or you'd recognize me

as Princess Mango Assassin.
Mango Assassin.

How the hell are you two
not a couple?

Well, I'm off
to the Anaheim Anime-Con.

Oh, no, but it's the second
Sunday of the month.

You've got Daphne.
Well, I told you, we need to switch today.

Okay, you may
have told me,

but you definitely didn't
put it in our shared cal...

Oh, okay, no,
you actually did, uh...

Okay, but I was gonna
go to the movies today.

And I haven't been to the movies
since Daphne was born.

Aw. You want to talk
about what's happened

since our little alien
burst out of my body?

(mutters)

It feeds on me.

Always.

And you want to know
what's next?

Teeth.

Yeah, I feel like you won that.

Okay, so, uh,

you take this one.
(chuckles)

And I'll take
this one.

Thank you.
(laughs)

Oh, and by the way, uh,

Daphne's had a little sniffle,

so keep her hat on her.

Okay?
Okay, sure.

Okay. (chuckles)
All right.

Ah, ah, well...

(laughs) It is your
lucky day, Malcolm.

You may have my ticket
to Ascension.

All you have to know is,
the Quantarans

are at war with
the Moon Leeches.

Now, what is a Moon Leech?
No, no.

No, no, no...
Now let me tell you about the Moon Leech...

Oh, no, no Moon Leeches,
no, no.

You go see your movie,
Marty.

I will watch Daphne.

Seriously? No, I-I
can't do that, man.

You don't know anything
about babies.

(chuckles)
What's there to know?

This kid is
three months old.

I can change a diaper,

put a bottle
in her mouth, boom.

(laughs)

You go watch that movie.

All by yourself.

Oh.

Daddy, can we talk?

You okay?

(coughing)
Oh...

(grunts)

Never better!
(coughing)

Give me that.

Ow!
Give me this.

You're bad as Loretta.
(sighs)

Look, Daddy,
tell me the truth.

Why did you leave her?

She just didn't appreciate

the good thing she had.

Daddy.

All right, fine.

Truth is...

she left me.

Talking about she felt

unappreciated.

But she was trying
to hold a brother down.

It seems like she was trying
to keep a brother alive.

Since when have you been
on her side?

Daddy, I'm on your side.

That's why you need
to get her back.

Don't you miss her?

No...

I do miss her cookies, though.

Oh, please, her cookies
are lumpy garbage.

Not those cookies.

Ew!

(phone beeping)

Yeah, Otis?

Your phone is beeping.

Oh, pill time.

Too many rules.

Rules and pills.

(chuckles)
I hear that, man.

High blood pressure pill.

High blood pressure
ain't never killed nobody.

Look, Otis, man-to-man,
look, I get it.

Wives-- they mean well,
but they can be annoying.

I mean, you've seen Tina.

In there making me
eat baked chicken.

She get on my
nerves with that.

Now wait a minute,
hold on now, that's

my daughter
you're talking about.

Look, all I'm saying is,

relationships are
give and take.

You take your pills,

she'll give you peace.

Yeah, yeah.

Look.

Found one
of my little blue pills

for hump day.

O-Otis, today
is not Wednesday.

Wednesday's not my hump day.

Thanks a lot, I'll...

make sure to keep
that in mind.

That is one horny old man.

(phone rings)

(grunts)

Hello. Yeah, this
is Calvin Butler.

My mother's maiden name?

LaBelle.

Who's that?

It's our insurance company.

Oh, okay, bye.

My first pet's name?

Look, you called me,
you know who this is.

Wait.

What?

Oh, howdy, neighbor.

No, don't you dare
howdy me.

Why did you file
an insurance claim against me?

Oh, well, now you won't
have to pay out of pocket.

My new car's not even
on my policy yet.

Oh, well, you're supposed
to do that immediately.

Well, I was about
to do it immediately.

You know,

maybe Otis's insurance
will cover it. (scoffs)

Otis's driver's
license was revoked.

And you let him drive
without checking it?

I'm his son-in-law, Dave,
not a state trooper.

Look, you got to get
this reversed.

Our insurance rates
will go sky-high.

And then we can't
afford this house.

And we'll have to move.

And a fraternity
will move in,

throwing parties
at all hours,

Grover can't sleep,

then he fails
out of school.

There goes college.

I mean...

do you want that
for your son?

No.

Then you got to
fix this, Dave.

And not for me.

BOTH:
For Grover.

(crowd cheering on TV)
You see that, Daphne?

This is football.

You will never watch this
with your daddy.

(Daphne fussing)

You hungry?

Don't worry.

Uncle Malcolm has got you, okay?

One second, I'll be right back.

(thud)
(Daphne crying)

Oh, damn!

I think I broke Daphne.

What?

What happened?

Well, I was watching her.

And I put her down on the couch
for, like, five seconds...

You left her
on the couch?

It was five seconds.

I had to warm up
her bottle.

And then,

well...

this.

(Gemma gasps)

Aw, look at that
little scratch.

Poor thing, aw.

Did your negligent Uncle Malcolm
give you that boo-boo?

It was five seconds,
Gemma.

It's just a little scratch.

It'll go away
in a couple days.

A couple of days?
Gemma, I'll be dead tonight.

Hold on, I have some
concealer in my purse.

I can just cover it up.

Oh, my God.

Thank you,
you are a lifesaver, Gemma.

What the hell
is that?

That's not gonna work.

Don't you have concealer
for Black people?

Oh, yeah, it's right here--

N-No! Why would I have that?!

(knocking)

Hey, Gemma, have
you seen...? Oh!

Malcolm, here you are.
Hey, what's up?

What's up, man?
Hey, man, what's going on?

What's going on with you?
(gasps)

Malcolm, what did you do?

Technically,
I didn't do anything.

It was Daphne
who rolled off the couch.

She what?!
Wait, Marty.

Marty...

calm down.

Babies are resilient.

It'll heal fast.

She's a baby,
not a starfish! Okay.

When Courtney sees the scratch,
I'm gonna have to admit

that I left our daughter
with an unauthorized babysitter!

Well, just keep
this little hat on her.

It covers the scrape,
and it's supercute.

Yes. Yes.

Courtney said Daphne
had the sniffles.

She told me to
leave it on.

I'm just doing
what she asked for.

See? This is a great plan.

Is it?

What's gonna happen

when Courtney wants
to give Daphne a bath?

(babbling mockingly)
"What's gonna happen when Courtney..."

Do you have a better idea,
Uncle Baby Dropper?

? ?

Hello, Loretta.

Tina.

Uh, let me guess.

These have been the longest
two days of your life.

It's been challenging.

I know.

He missed his hump day.

Look, Loretta,
I know that things

have been a bit, you know,

tense between us.

Like when you sent
that Christmas card

to "Daddy and current resident"?

(chuckling)

I mean, that was so long ago.

That was seven straight
Christmases.

Okay. Here's the thing.

Maybe...

just maybe I misjudged you.

And I am willing to let
bygones be bygones.

Now come and get him.

Hold on.

For the last seven years,

you've been giving me
the cold shoulder

while I've been nothing
but loving to your father.

Now I'm the one
that needs to be forgiven?

Well,

I think I'll let
this sock respond.

"Kick rocks"?

If you can wait a minute,
I think I can find

the "kiss my butt" socks.

I keep them over here
behind the counter.

Okay. All right.

Look, I just...

I'm just trying
to say that my dad

really misses you.

Well, I'm sure he does.

I'd miss me, too.

I've been fighting
with your father

tooth and nail
to keep him healthy and safe,

but does he appreciate it? No!

I'm just exhausted.

You can keep him.
Y'all deserve each other.

Okay.

All right.

I probably had that coming.

You did.

I can't believe I'm about
to say this, but I...

I guess I was cold to you.

You were.

I just said that.

Look, Loretta.

When my mom passed,
I had a hard time

getting on with my life,
and my father...

well, he didn't.

So you decided to
take that out on me.

You're the one
who stopped coming around.

That's because he's my father,

and you... you just swooped in
and you took him.

Took him?

I fell in love with him.

And I'm not going to apologize
for that.

Well, I guess that's that.

I guess it is.

Well, I'll let him know that...
this is really over.

Oh.

Do you validate parking?

Only with a purchase.

I'll just pay.

? ?

Mother's maiden, Henner.

First pet, Fluffy.

First concert, NKOTB.

Oh, for crying out loud,
it's New Kids on the Block.

Uh, yes, Debra,
I-I just need to correct

a few details
about my claim.

I now remember that I did
not see the license plate.

In fact, it was
the license plate

of the car that is
parked safely next door.

Okay, goodbye. You're done.

Yeah, I now
actually remember

that maybe there wasn't
an accident at all.

Okay, give it... give it here.

Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

That was the hardest thing
that I've ever done.

Well, you did it very poorly.

All right, throw a
little paint on it,

and the little library
will be good as new.

Oh, man.

You, sir, are a craftsman
of the highest order.

It's four pieces
of wood, Dave.

Well, can you build one a little
bigger for my dad to live in?

Because after the conversation
I had with Loretta,

clearly, he's staying.

Well, you know,
you joke,

but the city
recently streamlined

their permitting process
for building an ADU.

You could have Otis living
in the backyard in no time.

I'm not sleeping
on the grass.

No, no. We build you
a whole structure.

With a waterbed?
Yeah, sure.

What? No.

All right, well, I'll
just, uh, park an RV

in the driveway.

You can't drive a car.

Now you want to drive
a small house?

Oh, knock over one
little bookshelf,

and all of a sudden, you don't
know what the hell you're doing.

I've been driving longer
than any y'all were born.

Dave, what's with this text
in the group chat?

Ta-da!

(Calvin babbling playfully)

Hey, Daphne. Why'd they put
this hat on you? It's too hot.

MALCOLM and MARTY:
No, no!

What?!

Who put this scratch
on my baby's head? Malcolm did it.

No, no, he... he left me
with daddy duties.

I'm just an uncle.

Uh, the important thing here
is there's big news:

Daphne learned
how to roll over.

Yes, yes, that
is the takeaway. Yes, that is...

You better hope the government
doesn't take her away.

Oh, my God, my baby.

Oh.

Oh.
Here you are.

(chuckles)
Whoa.

Y'all seeing this?

What's going on?

It's about Daphne.
Uh, wait, Malcolm.

Let me handle it.

Okay.
(clears throat)

Courtney, there is a scratch
on her head.

Okay, okay, don't judge me.
I scratched Daphne.

And I was hoping that
you wouldn't see it.

You did this?
She did this?

It was an accident.

Okay? I scratched her precious
little head with my nail.

That is why I put
the hat on her--

so that nobody
would notice. (sighs)

This is so great.

(laughs)

I thought it happened
when she rolled off the couch.

You let Daphne
roll off the couch?

No, not me. Malcolm did it
when he was babysitting.

You let Malcolm babysit?

I am a damn good babysitter.

Nobody told me
Daphne was ready to roll.

Does she dress like
this all the time?

Uh, I'm not mad at it, but
it's just that you look like

one of the Funkadelic
backup dancers, you know.

(chuckling)

(doorbell rings)

Who is this man?

Um, this is Otis,
uh, my grandfather.

He's here for...
a while.

Oh, Loretta.

Hi, Calvin.
(chuckles)

What's Princess Mango Assassin
doing here?

Finally someone gets it.

Of course. I sell your socks.

To weirdos.

Um, hi, Loretta.
I'm surprised to see you.

Probably heard
that I was here

having fun,
eating fried chicken, driving.

Oh, come on.
Who would be crazy enough

to let you eat fried chicken
and drive?

Them.

Look, don't look at me.
My chicken was baked.

Well, come on, come on.
Pack your bags.

I'm taking you home.
No, no. Wait. (stammers)

Hold on. Hold on.

I'm a grown man.

I go where I want to go.

Besides, I don't want
to insult Calvin.

He's building me an ADU
with a waterbed.

Loretta, ain't
none of that true.

Come on, Daddy.
Hear Loretta out.

She drove all the way
from Irvine to see you.

Yeah.

Closed my sock store early, too.

I'm so sorry. Are-are...
are you referring to Sockopolis?

Mm-hmm.
Oh. In the Irvine Galleria?

I love that store.

You know, I'm what some people
would refer to as a, uh,

sockaholic.

Look at these.
Ooh!

Oh-oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Slow your roll, Romeo.

This is my wife you talking to.

Oh, you're my knight
in shining armor now,

but at home you fight
me on everything.

Oh, woman...
Whoa, O-Otis, Otis...

Give and take.

Give... and take.
And take.

(both muttering)

You know...

I really do appreciate you.

And I miss you.

I miss you, too.

You've got to let me
live a little.

Sometimes a man needs to eat
something with a little flavor.

Well...

Okay, then.
Let's make a deal.

You be nice,
and I'll give you

a little something
sweet now and then.

You mean, uh, candy... or you?

Both.

You know, I just took my pill.

(both chuckling)

Good Lord.

They better get going

before Grandpa can't put
his seat belt on over his...

Hey, man.

What? What?

Tina, I'm glad you
came to see me,

and I forgive you
for being cold to me

and for calling me "heifer"...

...behind my back.

I'm sorry.

(both chuckling)

Well, how about you two
come for dinner soon?

Oh, yes, yes.
I-I would like that.

Yeah.
But it has to be at 4:00.

I can't drive after dark.

I can.
No, you can't!

I love you, Daddy. Mwah!

You bet. I'll be back
for my things here.

All right. Okay, Otis.
All right, now.

Come on, now. (chuckles)
Oh, wow.

Yeah, boy, that's
love right there.

Whew. You know,

they're really good
together.

Yeah, you know what?
And speaking of together,

I got one of Otis's
little blue pills.

You know what day it is.

BOTH:
Hump day!

(laughing)

? ?

Good night!
Night night.

Captioning sponsored by
CBS

and TOYOTA.

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

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