All language subtitles for Route66 - S03E06

[dramatic eerie music]

[dramatic eerie music]

- Hi, Grandpa.

- Hiya, sonny boy.

- Hiya, sonny boy.

I didn't mean to wake you up.

I just came in to
give ya a good, big

I just came in to
give ya a good, big

hug and a kiss
before I went to bed.

- Did you scare 'em?

- [Lon] You bet your
life I scared 'em.

- [Lon] You bet your
life I scared 'em.

- Okay.

- Mmmmm.

Go to sleep.

- Good night, Grandpa.

- Good night, Grandpa.

- Now, you just go to sleep.

- Now, you just go to sleep.

- Mr. Chaney?

Conference call.

- Oh, yeah, I'll,
I'll be right there.

- Oh, yeah, I'll,
I'll be right there.

You sleep good.

[mellow music]

[mellow music]

[chiming]

[chiming]

[chiming]

[playful music]

[playful music]

- Lon?

- Oh, hiya Boris.

- Oh, hiya Boris.

- Peter.

[talking over each other]

Well, now, Peter.

Well, now, Peter.

I've read your prospectus.

I've read your prospectus.

I regret to say old friend,

well, speaking entirely
for myself, of course,

well, speaking entirely
for myself, of course,

I find it rather wanting,

if not indeed psychologically
unsound in today's market.

if not indeed psychologically
unsound in today's market.

- But people don't
change, Boris.

What frightened them
then in the dark ages,

What frightened them
then in the dark ages,

it still frightens them now.

it still frightens them now.

Fear is born into people.

Woodstock does [mumbles].

Woodstock does [mumbles].

Zombies, ghosts, ghouls,
vampires, monsters,

Zombies, ghosts, ghouls,
vampires, monsters,

and don't you sell
'em short, Boris.

and don't you sell
'em short, Boris.

- Rattles and drums, old
hat, my dear fellow, old hat.

- Rattles and drums, old
hat, my dear fellow, old hat.

Look, I'm told that
business is so bad

Look, I'm told that
business is so bad

that the witch doctors in Africa

that the witch doctors in Africa

are asking for relief parcels.

I see a schism as wide as this

can't be bridged by telephone.

can't be bridged by telephone.

We'll have to meet
and come to a final

and unanimous decision.

and unanimous decision.

- But Boris, you know
I can't stand London

at this time of the year.

at this time of the year.

- What's the matter, Peter?

Too much fog to
swirl the cape in?

Too much fog to
swirl the cape in?

- Hah hah.

- Oh, very well,
I'll fly to New York.

- Oh, very well,
I'll fly to New York.

- No, no, why don't you
come here to Hollywood.

- No, no, why don't you
come here to Hollywood.

- Say, I have an idea.

Why not meet halfway?

Why not meet halfway?

I know a place
outside of Chicago,

near to the airport.

near to the airport.

- Chicago?

Splendid.

By all means, make the
reservations at once.

By all means, make the
reservations at once.

Oh, but Peter, I suggest
that you sign us in, uh,

Oh, but Peter, I suggest
that you sign us in, uh,

as a committee, uh.

A society in aid
of the prevention

A society in aid
of the prevention

of something or other.

I'm sure Mrs. Baxter
would advise us

I'm sure Mrs. Baxter
would advise us

to do exactly that.

- Don't you think we
oughta have her there, too?

- Don't you think we
oughta have her there, too?

- Why of course.

Without her legal and
financial counsel,

Without her legal and
financial counsel,

the whole project might
get off on the wrong foot.

the whole project might
get off on the wrong foot.

Oh, and Peter,

in the interest of anonymity,

in the interest of anonymity,

I think we should use our
given names as surnames

I think we should use our
given names as surnames

and reverse the spelling,
you see what I mean?

and reverse the spelling,
you see what I mean?

In that way, I'd be Mr. Sirob.

In that way, I'd be Mr. Sirob.

- And I shall be Mr. Retep.

- And that'd make me Mr. Nol.

- And that'd make me Mr. Nol.

- Well, shall we say tomorrow
afternoon in Chicago?

- Well, shall we say tomorrow
afternoon in Chicago?

- Splendid, oh, Peter.

What's the name of the place?

What's the name of the place?

- The O'Hare Inn.

- The O'Hare Inn.

[uptempo music]

[chattering]

- Pick a number
between 18 and 25.

- Oh, no, I've lost
that game before.

- Oh, no, I've lost
that game before.

Anyway, what's make you think

it's a convention group?

- When, uh, two or
more girls get together

and there's no guy in the group,

and there's no guy in the group,

it's just got to
be a convention.

it's just got to
be a convention.

- Buz, there are
things carved in marble

- Buz, there are
things carved in marble

with not one tenth the content

of that last
authoritative remark.

of that last
authoritative remark.

Now, suppose it is
a convention group.

What makes you think
we'll be assigned?

What makes you think
we'll be assigned?

- You heard Mr. Pavis.

- You heard Mr. Pavis.

- It was a maybe, not a yes.

- Look, the man says
that if we turn out to be

- Look, the man says
that if we turn out to be

half as personable in the flesh

half as personable in the flesh

as we did on the
phone, we're hired.

Junior executives in charge
of convention liaison.

Junior executives in charge
of convention liaison.

Kitchen expediters,
banquet troubleshooters

Kitchen expediters,
banquet troubleshooters

and would you like six
more chairs, madam?

and would you like six
more chairs, madam?

Oh.

[provocative music]

[provocative music]

Heads.

Heads.

Well.

I wonder what your first
group's gonna be like.

I wonder what your first
group's gonna be like.

[dramatic music]

[playful music]

[playful music]

- [Woman] Impossible.

- [Woman] Impossible.

- Mr. Retep, we've been
expecting you, sir.

- Mr. Retep, we've been
expecting you, sir.

- I think I better sign
the rest of my party, too.

- I think I better sign
the rest of my party, too.

- Of course, Mr. Retep.

- Of course, Mr. Retep.

Mr. Retep, has
anyone ever told you

there's a striking
resemblance between you

there's a striking
resemblance between you

and, you'll excuse
me, sir, Peter Lorre?

and, you'll excuse
me, sir, Peter Lorre?

- That's pretty
insulting, isn't it?

- That's pretty
insulting, isn't it?

- Front, please.

Mr. Retep, 306.

Mr. Retep, 306.

[smacks]

[smacks]

- What have you reserved
for our meetings?

- What have you reserved
for our meetings?

- Parlor nine, sir, an
excellent view of the pool,

- Parlor nine, sir, an
excellent view of the pool,

and a Mr. Tod Stiles
has been assigned

as your group liaison.

Anything you want,
contact Mr. Stiles.

Anything you want,
contact Mr. Stiles.

We hope you enjoy
your stay here, sir.

We hope you enjoy
your stay here, sir.

[playful music]

[playful music]

- So, that's it gentlemen.

- So, that's it gentlemen.

Now, any questions, Mr. Murdock?

- I do, do you happen to know

what a gerenuk is, Mr. Pavis?

what a gerenuk is, Mr. Pavis?

- A what?

- G-E-R-E-N-U-K, gerenuk.

- G-E-R-E-N-U-K, gerenuk.

- Funny you ask.

- Funny you ask.

I swear I've seen
that word someplace.

Yeah, and just today.

- On the special events board.

- On the special events board.

My first assignment, the Society

for the Preservation
of Gerenuks.

for the Preservation
of Gerenuks.

You know, I've been thinking,

perhaps Mr. Murdock here might

perhaps Mr. Murdock here might

be better with a
group like that.

He has such a flair
for the baroque

and I could struggle
along with his group.

- I'd be more than happy
to exchange with you,

but, you see, I'm
right in the middle

of setting up the
guidelines with that group.

of setting up the
guidelines with that group.

As you were saying, Mr. Pavis,

we want a real push-button
operation, here,

we want a real push-button
operation, here,

and this group of young ladies,

fine group, Executive
Secretaries of the Midwest,

fine group, Executive
Secretaries of the Midwest,

all work for very
influential bosses,

all work for very
influential bosses,

potential and future
business for the hotel.

Now, you see, this group
of young ladies and I

Now, you see, this group
of young ladies and I

have set up a very smooth
working relationship.

have set up a very smooth
working relationship.

What was the word that you used?

- Rapport.

- That's it.

- That's it.

Rapport.

I'm very large in the
rapport department.

Well, I've got to be going.

Well, I've got to be going.

Lila and Beth, that's Miss
Baine and Miss Trainwas,

the president and her deputy,

the president and her deputy,

want me to sit on a
pre-planning session,

want me to sit on a
pre-planning session,

that's before they call the
group to order this afternoon.

that's before they call the
group to order this afternoon.

[playful music]

[provocative music]

[provocative music]

[splashing]

[playful music]

[provocative music]

[provocative music]

- Lila, check him off your list.

- Lila, check him off your list.

He's a prisoner of love.

He's a prisoner of love.

- What on Earth makes you
think I'm interested in him?

- What on Earth makes you
think I'm interested in him?

- Well, he does wear
trousers, now, doesn't he?

Even if they're a little
wet around the cuffs.

Even if they're a little
wet around the cuffs.

- [Lila] Mr. Murdock.

- [Lila] Mr. Murdock.

[squishing]

[squishing]

- Whoops.

- You're just in time.

Um, I couldn't seem to
make this thing work.

Um, I couldn't seem to
make this thing work.

- Oh.

Tes--

Tes--

Testing, one, two.

Well, I guess it just needed
a little time to warm up.

- Everything
should, you'd think.

- Everything
should, you'd think.

- I brought this
list for your check,

I've already
ordered it, but, uh,

I've already
ordered it, but, uh,

just to make sure.

- Absolutely.

Beth, why don't you
go see about lunch?

- Maybe I could go check
on Christmas dinner.

- Maybe I could go check
on Christmas dinner.

[water splashing]

[water splashing]

Maybe we both could go
check on Christmas dinner.

Maybe we both could go
check on Christmas dinner.

- Mr. Murdock, it
is my understanding

- Mr. Murdock, it
is my understanding

that you've been
assigned to help us

conduct the arrangements
for a business meeting?

conduct the arrangements
for a business meeting?

Our girls are here
to work and to learn,

Our girls are here
to work and to learn,

to profit from an exchange
of ideas with each other,

to profit from an exchange
of ideas with each other,

to advance the
status and dignity

to advance the
status and dignity

of the profession
Executive Secretary,

of the profession
Executive Secretary,

and to return to their desks
better than when they left.

and to return to their desks
better than when they left.

- Better men, that is.

- That is our platform,
we have no plank in it

- That is our platform,
we have no plank in it

for propinquity, is that clear?

- Oh, yes, everything
but that last word,

propinquity?

- Propinquity.

Her name is Molly.

Her name is Molly.

Molly Cross.

Beautiful and dumb
and a little sad.

Beautiful and dumb
and a little sad.

She needs comforting
right now Mr. Murdock

She needs comforting
right now Mr. Murdock

but leave her alone, forget
it, even before you start.

but leave her alone, forget
it, even before you start.

You see, she's the marrying
kind, aren't we all?

You see, she's the marrying
kind, aren't we all?

- Beth, honestly.

- Oh, yes, that is enough
honesty for one day.

- Oh, yes, that is enough
honesty for one day.

Shall we fix the microphone

or shall we just sit here
and admire him openly?

or shall we just sit here
and admire him openly?

[water splashing]

[water splashing]

- Comforting from what?

- Comforting from what?

What is she sad about?

- It is the longest short
story you ever heard.

- It is the longest short
story you ever heard.

- Beth, we are here to work.

I'm assuming you are, too.

[knocking]

[playful music]

[playful music]

- Mr. Retep?

- Mr. Retep?

[provocative music]

[provocative music]

I'm Stiles from the Inn.

Your expediter?

Your expediter?

- Oh, I like expediters.

Come right in.

[door slams]

Well, our needs are
really quite simple.

Well, our needs are
really quite simple.

All I need is a large
table, four chairs, oh yes,

All I need is a large
table, four chairs, oh yes,

and a very good lock on
the inside of the door

because you see,

because you see,

the work of our society
is quite secretive.

the work of our society
is quite secretive.

- The preservation of gerenuks?

- The preservation of gerenuks?

- You know about gerenuks?

- Well, frankly, Mr.
Retep, nobody around here

- Well, frankly, Mr.
Retep, nobody around here

knows what a gerenuk is
or does, including me.

knows what a gerenuk is
or does, including me.

I'm a Yale man.

- Ah, that's alright.

- Ah, that's alright.

- Well, it isn't
in the dictionary.

- Well, it isn't
in the dictionary.

- Don't you speak Somali?

[chuckles]

- I had trouble
with the adverbs.

- I had trouble
with the adverbs.

- The explanation
is quite simple.

- The explanation
is quite simple.

Gerenuk come from a Somali
expression, gerenuk,

Gerenuk come from a Somali
expression, gerenuk,

and it means an
antelope, a small gazelle

in the eastern part of
Africa, litocranius walleri.

in the eastern part of
Africa, litocranius walleri.

It's such a beautiful animal

It's such a beautiful animal

with soulful eyes, but,
it's in grave danger

with soulful eyes, but,
it's in grave danger

of becoming extinct and
if that should happen,

of becoming extinct and
if that should happen,

there are black days
ahead for humanity.

there are black days
ahead for humanity.

You see, the slogan
of our society is,

You see, the slogan
of our society is,

if it can happen to the
gerenuk, it can happen to you.

if it can happen to the
gerenuk, it can happen to you.

Oh, one little thing I forgot
to ask to get for us is uh,

Oh, one little thing I forgot
to ask to get for us is uh,

and I want it placed
dead-center on a table

and I want it placed
dead-center on a table

before our meeting tonight,
with silver handles

before our meeting tonight,
with silver handles

if you can get them on
such a short notice,

a nice coffin, velvet-lined.

- A coffin?

- Well, it's the
symbol for our society.

- Well, it's the
symbol for our society.

It's symbolizes extinction.

It's symbolizes extinction.

Today, the gerenuk,
tomorrow, man.

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

[playful music]

- Hey big daddy, where
do you want the coffin?

- You a wise guy or something?

- You a wise guy or something?

- The man asked
for silver handles.

Silver handles we ain't got.

Silver handles we ain't got.

This year it's brushed copper.

Take it or leave it.

- What man?

- What man?

- Stiles, convention department.

- Stiles, convention department.

We don't get calls for
silver handles anymore.

We don't get calls for
silver handles anymore.

[tapping]

- Dead ringer for Peter Lorre.

- Dead ringer for Peter Lorre.

[ringing]

Convention liaison, Stiles.

Convention liaison, Stiles.

Well, tell him I'll
be right there.

Well, tell him I'll
be right there.

Now, I've told you all
about my little group.

Now, I've told you all
about my little group.

What's the scam on
your little group?

What's the scam on
your little group?

- What's to tell?

- Oh, nothing very
much, just, uh,

how long are they gonna be here?

how long are they gonna be here?

What can we do to provide them

with recreational
facilities and uh,

with recreational
facilities and uh,

who are the
likeliest candidates?

who are the
likeliest candidates?

- Candidates?

For what?

- Continuation of
your present attitude

- Continuation of
your present attitude

old buddy of mine
could lead to all sorts

of serious repercussions.

of serious repercussions.

You are acquainted, I
presume, with the anti-trust

division of the
Department of Justice

division of the
Department of Justice

where I hope are
the strong forces

where I hope are
the strong forces

and readiness available to
attack monopoly in any form?

and readiness available to
attack monopoly in any form?

Think it over.

Do we divide the territory

Do we divide the territory

or do I call in the Feds?

or do I call in the Feds?

[playful music]

[ringing]

Tell him I'm on the way.

Tell him I'm on the way.

Tell him to put
it in parlor nine.

Tell him to put
it in parlor nine.

[ringing]

[provocative music]

[provocative music]

- Convention liaison.

Murdock speaking.

[mumbling]

No, no, she's not here.

No, no, she's not here.

[chuckling]

- Hi.

I'm Molly.

- Yeah, I uh,

I saw you at the pool, remember?

I saw you at the pool, remember?

- I know.

An executive as
important as you,

you'd think they'd give
you a better office.

you'd think they'd give
you a better office.

Don't you have a secretary?

Don't you have a secretary?

- Ha, don't let the jacket
and the tie fool you, Molly.

- Ha, don't let the jacket
and the tie fool you, Molly.

I'm just a leg man.

I'm just a leg man.

- Aren't most men?

[chuckling]

[chuckling]

- Sometime next week,

I'll think of a crazy answer.

I'll think of a crazy answer.

- You have a nice smile.

- You have a nice smile.

Like,

like you just took a drink
at a Ponce de Leon fountain.

like you just took a drink
at a Ponce de Leon fountain.

And he never found it.

And he never found it.

I think that's one of
the saddest things ever.

I think that's one of
the saddest things ever.

Are you married?

Do you need a secretary?

Do you need a secretary?

- Well, it's like I
told you, Molly, I mean,

- Well, it's like I
told you, Molly, I mean,

phone rings and I answer
somebody [whistles]

yeah, and I run [chuckles].

yeah, and I run [chuckles].

- Well, this happens to
me every three years.

About this time of year.

About this time of year.

I have to clean out
my desk and move on.

I have to clean out
my desk and move on.

Does music bother you?

Does music bother you?

- That lost chord they
keep looking for, you know?

It's not lost.

I got it, right there.

I got it, right there.

[provocative jazz music]

[provocative jazz music]

- I carry this radio
with me because

it keeps me from crying.

it keeps me from crying.

I guess I should just
sorta sit and cry, but,

I guess I should just
sorta sit and cry, but,

I hate to, because I'm
really not unhappy.

I hate to, because I'm
really not unhappy.

Just very, very sad.

You see, I just quit my job.

You see, I just quit my job.

Just before the convention.

I didn't want to come.

I was the only unemployed
executive secretary

I was the only unemployed
executive secretary

in the whole club,

but Mard and Nadine, they're
from Indianapolis, too,

just like me.

They said, "Molly,
we won't hear of it.

They said, "Molly,
we won't hear of it.

"It'll take your mind
off your troubles."

"It'll take your mind
off your troubles."

So here I am.

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

She sent me down here with
this menu for lunch tomorrow.

She sent me down here with
this menu for lunch tomorrow.

She said just meeting
you and talking to you

She said just meeting
you and talking to you

would cheer me up, and it has.

would cheer me up, and it has.

Thank you very much.

Thank you very much.

Beth is a dear.

[romantic violin music]

[romantic violin music]

[romantic violin music]

What do you think of Lila?

- Well, she'd make a
fine drill sergeant

- Well, she'd make a
fine drill sergeant

in the Marine Corps.

- She's really very nice.

- She's really very nice.

She's sad, too.

She's sad, too.

Everybody's sad.

That's the saddest thing of all.

That's the saddest thing of all.

Except you.

You don't seem sad.

We'll talk again
some other time.

Bye.

- Oh, uh, uh, Molly.

- Oh, uh, uh, Molly.

Uh, there's a
long-distance call for you.

Uh, there's a
long-distance call for you.

[chuckling]

You can take it here,
this phone, huh?

- I don't wanna
talk to him again.

- I don't wanna
talk to him again.

Never.

- Right here,
fellas, dead-center.

- Right here,
fellas, dead-center.

Good.

- Yes, sir, this sure
looks like the place

for the fun crowd.

- Let me give you a slogan
to live by, my friend.

- Let me give you a slogan
to live by, my friend.

If it can happen to the gerenuk,

it can happen to you.

it can happen to you.

[dramatic music]

That's all gentlemen.

That's all gentlemen.

Thanks very much.

[ominous music]

[ominous music]

No silver handles.

No silver handles.

He'll probably moan about that.

But, at least it's velvet-lined.

But, at least it's velvet-lined.

[clears throat]

[clears throat]

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

[lid slams]

[lid slams]

[ominous music]

- Who ordered this?

- Who ordered this?

- Mr. Retep.

- I might've known.

[tense music]

[tense music]

[mysterious music]

[mysterious music]

Time is precious.

Why isn't he here?

I've come all the
way from London,

I've come all the
way from London,

Mrs. Baxter from Zurich.

It can't be too difficult to
fly in from the west coast.

It can't be too difficult to
fly in from the west coast.

- But, Boris, baby.

Calm down.

Calm down.

- This, Peter, really,
I'm surprised at you.

What a corny piece
of theatricality.

What a corny piece
of theatricality.

I thought we agreed to
keep our meeting secret.

I thought we agreed to
keep our meeting secret.

- But it is secret.

They see us and they don't dare

They see us and they don't dare

to believe to see us,
like a fairy tale.

Like the Emperor's Clothes.

What do you think, Mrs. Baxter?

What do you think, Mrs. Baxter?

- A coffin?

Ridiculous.

- [Mr. Retep] I like it.

- [Mr. Retep] I like it.

- It's the sort of
thing that starts talk.

Boris is quite right.

Boris is quite right.

And millions involved
in these negotiations

And millions involved
in these negotiations

and Mr. Chaney can't even
bother to be here on time.

It's shameful.

- Now, look here.

- Now, look here.

We'll start the
meeting without him.

Now, Peter, I'm
determined not to produce

Now, Peter, I'm
determined not to produce

[mumbles] of pictures
made in the old way.

[mumbles] of pictures
made in the old way.

If indeed we are
to form a company

and accept the network's
offer to produce

and accept the network's
offer to produce

and star in the most
terrifying stories

ever seen on television,
we must strike out

ever seen on television,
we must strike out

in new directions, a, a modern
sort of horror, as it were.

in new directions, a, a modern
sort of horror, as it were.

You, we can't rely
on hair on our faces,

You, we can't rely
on hair on our faces,

nodules on our foreheads

nodules on our foreheads

or any of the old bag of tricks.

Now, we're going to stay here

Now, we're going to stay here

and hammer this issue out
until we're all agreed.

and hammer this issue out
until we're all agreed.

Is that clear?

- Oh, uh,

let's see, I don't...

[tapping]

[tapping]

[squeaking]
[eerie music]

[squeaking]
[eerie music]

- Mice?

- Oh, there you are.

- Oh, there you are.

There, gentlemen, as
we are now all present,

I will try to explain
the whole matter to you.

I will try to explain
the whole matter to you.

The only way to
operate is by forming

The only way to
operate is by forming

a Liechtenstein
Corporation, with banking

a Liechtenstein
Corporation, with banking

done through a Swiss bank.

[growling]

[growling]

- Oh, stop this nonsense,
Lon, so we can go to work.

- Oh, stop this nonsense,
Lon, so we can go to work.

[thudding]

- They spoiled it.

- They spoiled it.

[whining]

[whining]

- Now, come on, Lon, come on.

Don't be disappointed.

Boris is sated, you know that.

Boris is sated, you know that.

And Mrs. Baxter, she's
only horrified by

And Mrs. Baxter, she's
only horrified by

fluctuating exchange rates.

fluctuating exchange rates.

- I bet you a thousand
Portuguese escudos

you don't know half the trouble

you don't know half the trouble

this corporation is in for if
we don't get down to business.

Now!

Now!

- Well, our only business can
be to create new monsters,

- Well, our only business can
be to create new monsters,

and I don't mean space creeps.

Down to earth monsters

Down to earth monsters

where people can identify
themselves with 'em.

where people can identify
themselves with 'em.

That is going to be our series

and that is going to
guarantee our ratings.

[thud]

- What was that?

- What?

- Are you sure you
locked the door, Peter?

- I got an extra lock.

- I got an extra lock.

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

[door slams]

[door slams]

- Next time, I'll attend
to the details myself.

- Next time, I'll attend
to the details myself.

[mellow music]

[mellow music]

- How's the gerenuk crowd?

- How's the gerenuk crowd?

- When you're
fighting for survival,

like the gerenuk, anything
goes, wouldn't you say?

like the gerenuk, anything
goes, wouldn't you say?

- Look, um, I'm preparing
a cocktail party.

- Look, um, I'm preparing
a cocktail party.

I have very little time, so--

I have very little time, so--

- Buz, this is your
last chance, old buddy.

Are you cutting me in or out?

Are you cutting me in or out?

- Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Now do you think I'd
ace my only friend?

Now do you think I'd
ace my only friend?

Try to see it for what it is.

Try to see it for what it is.

These girls have adopted me.

They trust me.

They trust me.

They look up to me as if I
was the Great White Hunter,

They look up to me as if I
was the Great White Hunter,

leading them through a
gigantic forest of wolves.

They expect me to protect them

They expect me to protect them

against the kind of fellow
who asks a question like,

against the kind of fellow
who asks a question like,

"Which are the
likeliest candidates?"

"Which are the
likeliest candidates?"

I mean, after all, a guy who'd
ask a question like that...

I mean, after all, a guy who'd
ask a question like that...

- I warned you.

Just remember I warned you.

Just remember I warned you.

- Now what could you possibly
do to upset paradise?

- Now what could you possibly
do to upset paradise?

- If I told you, you
wouldn't believe me.

As a matter of fact, I
hardly believe it myself.

As a matter of fact, I
hardly believe it myself.

But when I think
about it, I get chills

up and down my spine.

up and down my spine.

[playful music]

[playful music]

[mysterious music]

[knocking]

[knocking]

- [Tod] It's Tod Stiles.

- Come in, come in.

- Come in, come in.

May I order something for you?

May I order something for you?

- No, thanks.

- You don't mind if
I continue, do you?

- You don't mind if
I continue, do you?

- No, go on.

- Tell me, young man, what's on

your obviously troubled mind?

your obviously troubled mind?

- This afternoon I went
down to parlor nine.

- This afternoon I went
down to parlor nine.

- Huh?

- I wanted to see if you
had everything you needed.

Door was open, so I started in.

Door was open, so I started in.

I overheard the debate.

Mr. Karloff on one side
and you on the other.

Mr. Karloff on one side
and you on the other.

- Well, Boris is a
very stubborn man and

- Well, Boris is a
very stubborn man and

we've got to get
this settled quickly.

we've got to get
this settled quickly.

- And you can.

I work with you
behind the scenes,

you can set this whole
hotel on its ear.

you can set this whole
hotel on its ear.

- I know that, but we
have to remain incognito.

- I know that, but we
have to remain incognito.

- Nobody'll know except me.

- Nobody'll know except me.

Now, why not run a
series of test scares

Now, why not run a
series of test scares

on selected subjects?

We've got a perfect group
right here in the hotel.

We've got a perfect group
right here in the hotel.

40 secretaries, a
real cross-section.

And if the old monsters
are still tried and true,

And if the old monsters
are still tried and true,

if they still work,
you'll prove your point

if they still work,
you'll prove your point

to Mr. Karloff, right?

to Mr. Karloff, right?

- That's brilliant!

It's brilliant, young man.

Why didn't I think of that?

Why didn't I think of that?

And how come you thought of it?

And how come you thought of it?

[chuckles]

- Nobody's all good, you know?

- Nobody's all good, you know?

[laughing]

- There's no such thing.

[chattering]

- Equal pay for equal
work, now that's what

- Equal pay for equal
work, now that's what

we've got to put
across this year.

Well, do you know that
right here in Chicago

Well, do you know that
right here in Chicago

a laundry clerk, if he's
a man, gets a dollar

and 58 cents an hour,
but only a dollar

and 58 cents an hour,
but only a dollar

and 17 cents if it's a woman.

And in Denver, a male
bank teller get $91.00

And in Denver, a male
bank teller get $91.00

for a 40-hour week, but
a woman gets only $63.00

for a 40-hour week, but
a woman gets only $63.00

for the same work.

for the same work.

- Every time I walk
into his office,

I feel as if I'm
crossing a mine field.

I feel as if I'm
crossing a mine field.

- Lucky you.

I'd rather be yelled
at than chased

around the obstacle course.

- Now, Nona, you
don't really expect us

- Now, Nona, you
don't really expect us

to believe that, do you?

to believe that, do you?

[laughing]

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

- I'm sorry, my dear.

- I'm sorry, my dear.

Perhaps Lon and Peter are right.

Perhaps Lon and Peter are right.

Maybe the very sight
of us is enough to--

Maybe the very sight
of us is enough to--

- It's not you, Mr. Karloff.

- It's not you, Mr. Karloff.

You are Boris Karloff?

Every person born
into this world

Every person born
into this world

is somebody new.

is somebody new.

Somebody that's never
been here before.

Somebody that's never
been here before.

And will never be here again.

It's our duty, isn't
it, to know that?

It's our duty, isn't
it, to know that?

To know that there's
never been anyone

like her before in
the whole wide world.

like her before in
the whole wide world.

Because if there had been,

then why would she be here?

then why would she be here?

And who would need her?

- What's his name, my dear?

- What's his name, my dear?

The man you're in love with?

The man you're in love with?

- Can you tell me, Mr. Karloff,

- Can you tell me, Mr. Karloff,

is there anything more
pathetic than a young,

is there anything more
pathetic than a young,

full-grown girl of 25

who isn't loved in return?

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

[chattering]

[chattering]

[eerie music]

[eerie music]

- Ah!

[laughing]

- Case one.

[mumbling]

[mumbling]

Total loss of speech.

[screaming]

[screaming]

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

Cases two to six.

Spontaneous collapse.

[screaming]

[screaming]

I like that.

I like that.

[screaming]

[screaming]

- I'm going down to the kitchen.

You better go back to your room.

[tense music]

[tense music]

[screaming]

[laughing]

[laughing]

- These three passed out,

- These three passed out,

just from looking at me.

I think I resent that.

- Aw.

I wish my grandson,
Lon, was here

to see this sight.

to see this sight.

You know, he was startin' to
not believe in me no more,

You know, he was startin' to
not believe in me no more,

but if he saw this sight,

he'd have a wonderful time.

he'd have a wonderful time.

[laughing]

- Now, beat it, before
somebody comes along.

- Now, beat it, before
somebody comes along.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[mysterious music]

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

- This is room 1114.

Would you send up
a carafe of coffee?

Would you send up
a carafe of coffee?

Just one cup, thank you.

Just one cup, thank you.

[clicking]

- Lorre, this is Tod.

- Lorre, this is Tod.

1114 just called.

Now she's one of their group.

Now she's one of their group.

I'll leave the coffee
just outside the kitchen.

Tell Mr. Chaney to
use the back halls.

Tell Mr. Chaney to
use the back halls.

The place is in an uproar.

Mr. Pavis just called a meeting

Mr. Pavis just called a meeting

of all the department heads.

[mellow music]
[knocking]

[mellow music]
[knocking]

[growls]

[growls]

- Please bring it in.

- Please bring it in.

[breathing heavily]

[eerie music]

[eerie music]

I just think it's horrible

that they make you
carry such heavy things.

that they make you
carry such heavy things.

[growling]

You look exhausted.

[mumbling]

[mumbling]

[slams]

[slams]

[growling]

[growling]

Would you like cream or sugar?

Would you like cream or sugar?

[whining]
[thudding]

[whining]
[thudding]

Oh, now, now.

Oh, now, now.

Oh, it's alright,
I know, I know.

[whimpering]

[smooches]

[smooches]

[growling]

[growling]

[whimpering]
[thudding]

[whimpering]
[thudding]

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

[crying]

[thudding]

[thudding]

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

[slams]

[slams]

[screaming]

[laughing]

[laughing]

[playful music]

[screaming]

[screaming]

- 26 years on the cops.

This is my first ape-man.

- Lieutenant, please, please,

- Lieutenant, please, please,

don't use that phrase.

It's the kinda catchy thing

It's the kinda catchy thing

they make headlines out of.

- The boys and I interviewed
49 separate victims.

- The boys and I interviewed
49 separate victims.

Wouldn't you know, we got
49 separate descriptions.

Wouldn't you know, we got
49 separate descriptions.

Here's one that'll kill ya.

Here's one that'll kill ya.

One of those
secretaries said he was,

get this, a wolfman.

get this, a wolfman.

I tell ya, some of
those kooky dames.

I tell ya, some of
those kooky dames.

- Maybe it was a gorilla.

Well, there's a circus
not five miles from here.

Well, there's a circus
not five miles from here.

Perhaps the gorilla escaped.

- Did you ever see
a gorilla wearin'

a sportshirt and slacks?

a sportshirt and slacks?

[mysterious music]

[mysterious music]

- I trust everybody
had a pleasant dinner?

- I trust everybody
had a pleasant dinner?

Well, in that
case, we'll pick up

exactly where we left
off this afternoon.

exactly where we left
off this afternoon.

- Is there any point
in our continuing

- Is there any point
in our continuing

our discussions in such
lugubrious conditions?

Peter?

Peter?

I detest the smell
of burning wax.

I detest the smell
of burning wax.

Please turn on the lights

and stop these
amateur theatrics.

and stop these
amateur theatrics.

- You see, you see what I mean?

Boris is holding
out for one thing

and Lon and I, we're
holding out for another.

and Lon and I, we're
holding out for another.

Now, deep down in my heart,

I know what's best for pictures.

I know what's best for pictures.

We might be less
cerebral than he is,

We might be less
cerebral than he is,

but we have more emotion.

We have more emotion.

And what I want is
experience and not theory.

And what I want is
experience and not theory.

I knew you would
object to the candles.

I knew you would
object to the candles.

And this is why I lit them.

And this is why I lit them.

I lit them deliberately
because you see, now,

I lit them deliberately
because you see, now,

if I snuff them out, I knew
the room would be black

if I snuff them out, I knew
the room would be black

and I knew someone would say--

and I knew someone would say--

- [Boris] Peter,
turn on the lights.

- I knew someone would say,
"Peter, turn on the lights."

- I knew someone would say,
"Peter, turn on the lights."

Now, during the
darkness, Lon has placed

Now, during the
darkness, Lon has placed

a group of pictures
in front of you.

a group of pictures
in front of you.

I took them earlier
this evening.

I want you to look at
them with great interest.

I want you to look at
them with great interest.

Because the secret
of drama is to make

Because the secret
of drama is to make

the expected become
the unexpected.

- These appear to be corpses.

- These appear to be corpses.

The settings seem
vaguely familiar.

The settings seem
vaguely familiar.

- Well, I saw this girl in
the lobby only 10 minutes ago.

- Well, they're not corpses.

They took one look
at Lon in his makeup,

They took one look
at Lon in his makeup,

just one look, and
they fainted dead away.

One hundred percent effective.

One hundred percent effective.

- Not quite, Peter.

- Not quite, Peter.

Remember there was
that one girl in 1114.

Remember there was
that one girl in 1114.

- Idiot, well, the
exception proves the rule.

- Idiot, well, the
exception proves the rule.

- What girl?

What exception?

- Gentlemen, I still
have not had a chance

- Gentlemen, I still
have not had a chance

to outline the
corporate structure.

Now, the laws of Liechtenstein--

Now, the laws of Liechtenstein--

- You listen to me.

Let's take a look
at all the facts

about those girls that
I been frightenin'.

about those girls that
I been frightenin'.

There was this one girl--

There was this one girl--

- Even Lichtenstein,
gentlemen, may be impatient

- Even Lichtenstein,
gentlemen, may be impatient

enough to change its
laws if we do not

come to some agreement.

come to some agreement.

Old monsters, new monsters.

What's the difference?

What's the difference?

- Now, you listen to me.

- Now, you listen to me.

There was this one girl.

I was actually alone
with her in her room.

I was actually alone
with her in her room.

Alone!

And I was growling, Boris,
you know how I can growl!

And I was growling, Boris,
you know how I can growl!

Well,

she

she

she treated me like
a charity case!

she treated me like
a charity case!

She was [crying],

she was sorry for me!

she was sorry for me!

- Room 1114, you say?

But I know that girl.

I met her tonight.

I walked her back to her room.

I walked her back to her room.

No wonder you
couldn't frighten her.

She's completely preoccupied.

She's completely preoccupied.

Utterly absorbed in an emotion

Utterly absorbed in an emotion

as primitive as your
pattern of terror.

as primitive as your
pattern of terror.

She's in love!

That reminds me.

That reminds me.

Long distance?

Ring Charles Stevenson
in Indianapolis.

Ring Charles Stevenson
in Indianapolis.

The Stevenson
Ultrasonics Corporation.

The Stevenson
Ultrasonics Corporation.

Charge it to room 17 and say
that Boris Karloff is calling.

Charge it to room 17 and say
that Boris Karloff is calling.

Yes, my dear, yes,
this is Boris Karloff.

Yes, my dear, yes,
this is Boris Karloff.

- What on Earth is this?

- What on Earth is this?

I come with documentary evidence
and he calls Indianapolis.

I come with documentary evidence
and he calls Indianapolis.

- Stevenson.

This is Karloff speaking.

This is Karloff speaking.

Yes, yes, Boris Karloff.

Mr. Stevenson, are
you still there?

Mr. Stevenson, are
you still there?

Well, now, it's about
this girl, Molly Cross.

Well, now, it's about
this girl, Molly Cross.

How big a fool are
you, Stevenson?

Don't you know how
much she loves you?

Don't you know how
much she loves you?

Oh, no, no, no, I'm calling
quite independently.

I'm quite sure if she
knew I was calling you

I'm quite sure if she
knew I was calling you

she'd fly away forever.

she'd fly away forever.

Not at all, Stevenson,
my pleasure, goodbye.

Not at all, Stevenson,
my pleasure, goodbye.

Peter, Lon.

You did an unscrupulous
thing frightening

You did an unscrupulous
thing frightening

these girls the way
you did, but, uh,

you've almost
convinced me that maybe

you've almost
convinced me that maybe

the old ways are
the best after all,

the old ways are
the best after all,

that a new wave in
horror pictures,

the adult horror, so to speak,
might be the wrong technique.

the adult horror, so to speak,
might be the wrong technique.

But, we must be sure, using
this girl, Molly Cross,

But, we must be sure, using
this girl, Molly Cross,

But, we must be sure, using
this girl, Molly Cross,

as the ultimate test.

If we can frighten
her, gentlemen,

If we can frighten
her, gentlemen,

a woman in love, we can
frighten anybody and everybody.

a woman in love, we can
frighten anybody and everybody.

[playful music]

[chattering]
[pounding]

[chattering]
[pounding]

- This morning's seminar I
call Our Enemy, The Boss.

- This morning's seminar I
call Our Enemy, The Boss.

- This morning's seminar I
call Our Enemy, The Boss.

And a gal can waste a
lot of time thinking

her boss is a
girl's best friend.

her boss is a
girl's best friend.

Certainly we executive
secretaries know this,

Certainly we executive
secretaries know this,

but from time to time,
we're gonna be called upon

to break in new girls.

to break in new girls.

Teach them this.

To give the boss efficiency,
performance, loyalty

To give the boss efficiency,
performance, loyalty

To give the boss efficiency,
performance, loyalty

but nothing of themselves.

Nothing of their
personal selves.

Nothing of their
personal selves.

If they do, disillusion,
even heartbreak can result.

If they do, disillusion,
even heartbreak can result.

Molly, do you mind?

For the last five conventions,

I've tried to tell Molly
Cross open your eyes.

I've tried to tell Molly
Cross open your eyes.

Stop spoiling the boss.

Stop spoiling the boss.

Stop letting him
know how you feel.

Stop letting him
know how you feel.

But no, not Molly.

She brought him his
slippers in the morning

She brought him his
slippers in the morning

and his shoes at
the end of the day.

and his shoes at
the end of the day.

She ground his coffee for him,
a special blend, mind you.

She ground his coffee for him,
a special blend, mind you.

She even preheated his cup!

Why, geisha girls
couldn't have measured

Why, geisha girls
couldn't have measured

up to her performance.

She treated him with
love and affection

She treated him with
love and affection

instead of
professional detachment

instead of
professional detachment

and girls, I ask you to
view the consequences.

and girls, I ask you to
view the consequences.

I ask you to look
at poor Molly Cross!

I ask you to look
at poor Molly Cross!

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

- Molly!

Molly.

Would you step outside a minute?

I wanna talk to you.

I wanna talk to you.

- Mr. Stevenson, you
shouldn't have come

all the way from Indianapolis.

all the way from Indianapolis.

- Are you coming out or not?

- Are you coming out or not?

- I'm sorry, Mr. Stevenson.

- I'm sorry, Mr. Stevenson.

- Very well.

- Very well.

[playful music]

- Mr. Stevenson,
what are you doing?

- Taking you to the
Justice of the Peace.

- Taking you to the
Justice of the Peace.

Molly, you're marrying me today.

- But, you're engaged!

- But, you're engaged!

- I can always get
another fiancee.

I'll never get another
secretary like you.

I'll never get another
secretary like you.

[chattering]

[romantic music]

[romantic music]

- Please, Mr. Stevenson.

- Please, Mr. Stevenson.

- Not only have you spoiled me,

but I love you.

- What?

- What?

- I love you!

- There's the girl.

[eerie music]

[eerie music]

- That proves it.

The old ghosts are
the best after all.

The old ghosts are
the best after all.

And the power of all three
of us in one picture.

Can you imagine it?

Can you imagine it?

Why it's almost too
ghastly to contemplate.

Why it's almost too
ghastly to contemplate.

[romantic music]

[romantic music]

- Molly.

Molly.

Molly.

Molly, darling, you look as
though you've seen a ghost.

Molly, darling, you look as
though you've seen a ghost.

- I didn't see anything
but you, Mr. Stevenson.

- I didn't see anything
but you, Mr. Stevenson.

I never have.

It's the first time
you've kissed me!

It's the first time
you've kissed me!

I guess it, it went to my head.

I guess it, it went to my head.

[playful music]
[laughing]

[playful music]
[laughing]

- Hey, hey, hey.

- Hey, hey, hey.

Wait a minute.

Collins is after you.

Got a find a place to hide you.

Got a find a place to hide you.

Come on!

[laughing]

[mysterious music]

- [Peter] Tod's the young
man who is responsible

- [Peter] Tod's the young
man who is responsible

for the whole thing.

Meet Mr. Karloff.

- [Tod] How do you do?

- [Tod] How do you do?

- Mr. Chaney.

- [Tod] How do you do?

- [Tod] How do you do?

- I see it, but I
don't believe it.

- I see it, but I
don't believe it.

- Well, gentlemen, it's been
a pleasure to serve you.

Now, if you'll just
relax a minute, um,

Now, if you'll just
relax a minute, um,

Mr. Murdock, my assistant, and I

will go out and
divert the chase.

will go out and
divert the chase.

Oh, I suggest you get
out of those outfits

as soon as possible.

as soon as possible.

By the way, good luck
on your new venture.

By the way, good luck
on your new venture.

- [Lon] Thank you.

[playful music]

[playful music]

- No hard feelings?

[laughing]

- When you warned me, you
weren't just kidding, were you?

- When you warned me, you
weren't just kidding, were you?

- Fresh start?

- Yeah, alright.

- Yeah, alright.

We'll split the secretaries
right down the middle.

19 for you and 20 for me.

19 for you and 20 for me.

- Wait a minute, wait a minute.

That makes 39.

That makes 39.

There were 40 secretaries.

What happened to the other one?

What happened to the other one?

- Well, there's
one of them, Tod,

we can both forget.

Molly Cross,
fairest of them all.

Molly Cross,
fairest of them all.

- That way, Lieutenant!

- That way, Lieutenant!

[playful music]

[growls]
[laughing]

[growls]
[laughing]

- This is Martin Milner.

Now George Maharis
takes you on a preview

Now George Maharis
takes you on a preview

of our next Route 66.

- [George Maharis] It all
started out so happily.

Tod, and Emily and I
went to the station

Tod, and Emily and I
went to the station

to meet the maid of honor.

She didn't show up,
but a killer did.

She didn't show up,
but a killer did.

[clattering]

[clattering]

[gun firing]

- I want to explain
my logic to you.

- I want to explain
my logic to you.

I can't drive, I need
a driver, that's you.

I can't drive, I need
a driver, that's you.

In case you think
it's worth the risk

In case you think
it's worth the risk

to try to jump me, I won't
shoot you, necessarily.

to try to jump me, I won't
shoot you, necessarily.

I'll shoot whatever
target there is.

That means man, woman or child.

That means man, woman or child.

Is that the man
you're going to marry?

Is that the man
you're going to marry?

He makes you smile.

He makes you smile.

Suppose I told you
he's gonna die?

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

- [George Maharis] Look
for us in Cleveland, Ohio

- [George Maharis] Look
for us in Cleveland, Ohio

on the next episode of Route 66

and welcome to the wedding!

Starring will be Rod Steiger

Starring will be Rod Steiger

in one of his most
brilliant performances.

in one of his most
brilliant performances.

[mellow jazzy music]

[mellow jazzy music]

- [Narrator] This has been a
Screen Gems film presentation.

- [Narrator] This has been a
Screen Gems film presentation.

Herbert B. Leonard,
Executive Producer.

Herbert B. Leonard,
Executive Producer.

[END CREDITS]