Original subtitles

[somber instrumental music]

[somber instrumental music]

- One, two, three, four.

- One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

Faster, Mrs. Shankel.

Faster, Mrs. Shankel.

One, two, three, four.

One. Two.

Slower, Mrs. Shankel.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

Faster, Mrs. Shankel.

One, two, three, four.

One. Two.

One. Two.

Slower, Mrs. Shankel.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

- Very good. Very good.

- Be careful of the car.

- Trust me.

- Traffic, this time of the morning in Chicago,

- Traffic, this time of the morning in Chicago,

can be pretty heavy.

- So, what isn't?

- So, what isn't?

- I think I'm sinking again.

- I think I'm sinking again.

- Kick your legs a little, Mrs. Shankel.

[silly trombone music]

[silly trombone music]

[splashing]

[splashing]

- Have a fun day, chum.

- How can I miss?

- How can I miss?

[splashing]

- Oh, I got water in your eyes.

- Those are tears, Mrs. Shankel.

- Those are tears, Mrs. Shankel.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

One, two, three, four.

[upbeat music]

[upbeat music]

[honking]

[honking]

[honking]

[honking]

[honking]

- Come on. Come on.

- Come on. Come on.

- Like, where?

- What're you gonna do? Just sit there?

- What're you gonna do? Just sit there?

- That's what it looks like.

[honking]

[honking]

[silly music]

[silly music]

[intense honking]

- Take it easy, son.

What do you wanna do, Charlie?

Start a riot?

- He's the one who's starting.

- He's the one who's starting.

- Lay off the horn.

Have a heart for our eardrums.

Have a heart for our eardrums.

Do me a favor.

Have your riot in somebody else's alley.

Have your riot in somebody else's alley.

All right, come on.

I'll guide you out.

I'll guide you out.

- I've gotta see this shipping clerk over here.

I'm supposed to start working.

I'm supposed to start working.

- I'm a shipping clerk.

You must be the new stockman Mr. M hired yesterday.

You must be the new stockman Mr. M hired yesterday.

All right, park it in here.

There'll be room today.

There'll be room today.

[pleasant instrumental music]

[pleasant instrumental music]

Step on it, will you?

I've gotta get back upstairs.

[pleasant instrumental music]

[pleasant instrumental music]

[whistling]

- [Man] Charlie! Charlie!

- [Man] Charlie! Charlie!

- Yeah, Jack.

- Has he started up?

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- You're gonna miss the fun.

Today's the day.

- No kidding.

- No kidding.

You're really gonna do it?

- We're already doing it.

- We're already doing it.

[engine revving]

[engine revving]

- Sorry about the rush.

- Sorry about the rush.

There's something I gotta do at seven, sharp.

There's something I gotta do at seven, sharp.

I'll make it six minutes up.

- Just about.

- Well, is it or isn't it?

- Well, is it or isn't it?

- I got four minutes to seven,

- I got four minutes to seven,

but I never keep my watch exact.

I mean, to the second.

I mean, to the second.

- I'm sure my watch is right.

I checked it an hour ago by the radio.

I checked it an hour ago by the radio.

- Well, then I'm sure it's okay.

- Afraid Charlie and me are gonna start wondering

what you stumbled into.

Filling orders all night

Filling orders all night

and the machinery going

and the phone ringing every two seconds

and the phone ringing every two seconds

and the hammering on the crates.

The screaming at each other.

The screaming at each other.

The pay is good.

The pay is good.

To tell you the truth,

when morning comes around sometimes,

you don't know whether it's springtime or Tuesday.

you don't know whether it's springtime or Tuesday.

- Sounds like I should start running.

- Oh, no.

- Oh, no.

This is the best job in the city.

Besides, you got a good job.

The whole fifth floor.

The whole fifth floor.

There's nobody but you.

Those jokers are all home, snoring the day way.

Those jokers are all home, snoring the day way.

When you're finished filling the bins with fresh stock,

When you're finished filling the bins with fresh stock,

the world is yours.

You can dance, sing, stand on your heard,

You can dance, sing, stand on your heard,

pretend you're Fred Astaire or Charlie Chaplin.

pretend you're Fred Astaire or Charlie Chaplin.

I used to like working all day by myself.

I used to like working all day by myself.

I started in your job.

See? You, too, can be a big success.

See? You, too, can be a big success.

You gotta be careful of these.

You gotta be careful of these.

Easy does it.

You'll get to learn all the tricks after awhile.

- Oh, I don't think I'm gonna be here that long.

- Oh, I don't think I'm gonna be here that long.

- Don't be such a pessimist.

- I'm an optimist.

- I'm an optimist.

I just don't think it'll be permanent.

A little bank roll and I'm on my way.

- On your way?

- On your way?

- Right.

I got this buddy and he's got a pink slip

to that car downstairs

to that car downstairs

and we've got a tank full of gas

and a rotten sense of direction.

and a rotten sense of direction.

- Just like that?

- Why not? It's a big country.

- Why not? It's a big country.

- Yeah, but-

- Ah uh. Yeah, but.

When you say "yeah, but,"

that "yeah" becomes "no."

- That's right.

It must be wonderful to live like that.

It must be wonderful to live like that.

[thudding]

[thudding]

Where is everybody?

Can't be seven o'clock yet.

Can't be seven o'clock yet.

Where are they?

Where are they?

- [Jack] Sam.

Oh.

Oh.

- Where were you?

It's still five minutes to quitting time.

Jack, that's not right.

- I just came down from Mr. M's office.

- I just came down from Mr. M's office.

Wow.

- What do you mean, wow?

- The roof's fallen in.

Somebody fouled up on their order from Smith Sundries.

Somebody fouled up on their order from Smith Sundries.

Mr. M wants to see you, pronto.

- That order went out all right.

- That order went out all right.

- I'm just telling your what he said.

He wants to see you now.

He wants to see you now.

- Now?

I can't just now.

- Sam.

- He was sore?

- I've seen him happier, Sam.

- I've seen him happier, Sam.

- There was nothing wrong with that order.

- There was nothing wrong with that order.

This is the new stockman.

Show him around. Will you, Jack?

Show him around. Will you, Jack?

- [Jack] What's the matter?

- [Jack] What's the matter?

You wearing boxing gloves?

Come on.

- [Man] You wanna get up here and try?

- [Man] You wanna get up here and try?

- [Jack] You're the big expert. So hurry up.

- [Jack] You're the big expert. So hurry up.

- I can't get this wire fastened right.

- I can't get this wire fastened right.

- He'll be back here in two minutes.

Cover the elevator. Go ahead.

Cover the elevator. Go ahead.

- I've never seen a speaker like this before.

- Oh, that's a Martinson speaker.

You don't fasten those wires the usual way.

Cross it over and ground the white one.

Cross it over and ground the white one.

- Another country heard from.

- You know about them?

- You know about them?

- Yeah, I had a speaker like that in a hi-fi set.

- Get off there. Let this guy fix it.

Come on.

Come on.

- Well, what's it for?

- We parked the truck.

- We parked the truck.

- Fix it.

Come on, fix it.

- The elevator is coming down.

- The elevator is coming down.

Maybe he's on it.

- Is somebody gonna tell me what's going on?

- It's just a little gag, that's all.

- It's just a little gag, that's all.

Come on, man.

- All right, all right.

All I need is a second and a quarter.

All I need is a second and a quarter.

- That's just about all you got.

- I'm sure starting off on the right foot.

- I'm sure starting off on the right foot.

[elevator opening]

[elevator opening]

- [Sam] Jack!

Boy, where are you?

Boy, where are you?

What're you talking about?

Mr. M wasn't even up there.

Mr. M wasn't even up there.

- He left before you got upstairs.

- He left before you got upstairs.

- If it was so important, why did he leave?

- Sam, would I say he wanted you if he didn't?

- Sam, would I say he wanted you if he didn't?

- I can't understand that man.

Look at the time. It's five after seven.

Look at the time. It's five after seven.

- See you tonight, Sam.

[somber music]

[phone dialing]

[phone dialing]

- [Operator] Monroe 6-2-5-9-8.

- [Operator] Monroe 6-2-5-9-8.

- [Sam] Good morning, Ruthie.

- [Ruthie] Sam, where have you been?

- [Ruthie] Sam, where have you been?

It's ten after.

You frightened me. I didn't know what to think.

You frightened me. I didn't know what to think.

- You bugged the phone.

- Isn't it great?

- Isn't it great?

- [Sam] After all these months.

- [Ruthie] Yes.

- Get away from that ladder.

- Get away from that ladder.

- Wait a minute. It's just a gag.

- [Sam] Lula and Emma and Betsy and Sadie.

- [Sam] Lula and Emma and Betsy and Sadie.

- [Jack] You're crazy.

[crashing]

[crashing]

- [Sam] Don't be too sure.

I may be a real villain, Ruth.

- [Ruthie] You, a villain?

- [Ruthie] You, a villain?

My darling man.

[Ruthie giggling]

[Ruthie giggling]

- [Sam] I love your laugh.

- [Ruthie] I love your voice.

- [Ruthie] I love your voice.

Even when you're being silly.

Even when you're being silly.

I love everything about you.

- Oh, what do you know about me?

- Oh, what do you know about me?

We're two voices. That's all.

Anonymous. Faceless.

- [Ruthie] You have a dear, sweet, beautiful-

- [Ruthie] You have a dear, sweet, beautiful-

[laughing]

- [Sam] How do you know?

[laughing]

[laughing]

- [Ruthie] How is Dorthy this morning?

- [Sam] The heat bothered her all night.

- [Sam] The heat bothered her all night.

She was very restless.

- [Ruthie] Sam, when a person is sick, it's like that.

- [Ruthie] Sam, when a person is sick, it's like that.

- [Sam] I guess you're right.

- [Sam] I guess you're right.

- [Ruthie] Don't sound so depressed.

- How can I help it, when the doctors say

- How can I help it, when the doctors say

this is how it's gonna be from now on.

this is how it's gonna be from now on.

I must admit, I get selfish.

I must admit, I get selfish.

Ruthie,

I wanna be more than just a telephone voice to you.

- [Ruthie] When you talk like that,

- [Ruthie] When you talk like that,

I lose respect for you, Sam.

She didn't ask to be sick.

She didn't ask to be sick.

- [Sam] I know, I know, I know that, Ruthie.

- [Sam] I know, I know, I know that, Ruthie.

For three years, Dorthy's become an old lady.

When I think how she looked on the day we were married.

When I think how she looked on the day we were married.

- [Ruthie] Oh, tell me.

- [Sam] I told you a dozen times.

- [Sam] I told you a dozen times.

- [Ruthie] Tell me again, how you looked too.

- [Sam] You must get tired of listen to the same old-

- [Sam] You must get tired of listen to the same old-

- [Ruthie] Tell me.

- I guess the woman at the marriage license place

was a movie buff.

She turned ten different shades of white.

She turned ten different shades of white.

She swore it was like seeing...

She swore it was like seeing...

Well, her exact words were,

Well, her exact words were,

like seeing Brian Aherne

and the late, Jean Harlow, come through the door.

and the late, Jean Harlow, come through the door.

- Harlow?

[laughing]

- [Ruthie] Brian Aherne.

- [Ruthie] Brian Aherne.

- [Sam] Don't take it too seriously.

I told you, she had glasses an inch thick.

I told you, she had glasses an inch thick.

- [Ruthie] Sam, I have a confession to make.

- [Ruthie] Sam, I have a confession to make.

In the last few months,

I've been seeing as many Brian Aherne pictures as possible.

I've been seeing as many Brian Aherne pictures as possible.

When one comes on TV,

When one comes on TV,

an earthquake couldn't get me away from the set.

I guess that sounds very foolish.

I guess that sounds very foolish.

Sam?

Sam?

Sam?

Hello?

Hello?

Hello?

- Something wrong, Sam?

You sick or something?

You don't look too good, all of a sudden.

You don't look too good, all of a sudden.

- What was that I heard?

- What was what you heard?

- What was what you heard?

- [Sam] Just now.

- Me. I said, something wrong, Sam.

- Me. I said, something wrong, Sam.

- I don't mean that.

- This is what you heard, Mr. Frazier.

They had your phone bugged.

They had your phone bugged.

- Where'd you get this cuckoo?

- And I helped them.

- And I helped them.

- Hey, take it easy.

The guy said I could get a refund.

[laughing]

[laughing]

- You phony.

- You phony.

Brian Aherne.

Brian Aherne.

What on Earth are you talking about?

You have a dear, sweet, beautiful face.

You have a dear, sweet, beautiful face.

Where do you put it? In a locker?

[laughing]

[laughing]

Brian fell down.

[laughing]

[laughing]

- Come on, Sam, get him.

[cheering]

[cheering]

[laughing]

- Oh, Brian.

Hey, Brian, get up here.

Hey, Brian, get up here.

- Lay low.

- For a new guy, you're a real Badinski, ain't you?

- For a new guy, you're a real Badinski, ain't you?

- Just leave him alone.

- You also like to give orders.

- Go on.

[intense music]

[intense music]

Come on.

- Why?

- Why?

Why'd they do it?

Why'd you do it, Roy?

Why'd you do it, Roy?

Are you happier now?

Are you happier now?

- Happy?

I'm sick.

Sam,

who ever figured it was gonna end up like this?

who ever figured it was gonna end up like this?

We saw you on the phone every morning, at the same time.

We saw you on the phone every morning, at the same time.

A couple of weeks ago,

I passed by

and I heard you sounding like,

and I heard you sounding like,

you know, such a big-time lover.

you know, such a big-time lover.

It bugged us.

It bugged us.

Wondering what the score was, you know?

Wondering what the score was, you know?

Supposed to be a joke, Sam.

Supposed to be a joke, Sam.

Just a joke.

[gloomy string music]

[gloomy string music]

- The power's off.

[thudding]

[thudding]

- Okay.

You can't take a joke,

I'm gonna rub your nose in it.

I'm gonna rub your nose in it.

Monroe 6-2-5-9-8.

Monroe 6-2-5-9-8.

Ain't that right?

- Jack.

Jack, don't.

Jack, don't.

Please, Jack.

Jack, I'm sorry.

Jack, I'm sorry.

Jack, please.

All right, it was a joke.

It was a joke, Jack.

It was a joke, Jack.

Jack, I'm sorry.

- Can you hear me, beautiful Sam?

- What're you gonna do?

- What're you gonna do?

- Jack, please.

Wait, Jack.

Jack, please. Please!

Jack, please. Please!

Please, Jack!

Jack, please!

Jack, please!

- M.

O.

Six.

Six.

Two.

Five.

- Jack, you can't.

- Why can't I?

- Why can't I?

- Come on.

- Don't tell me, come on.

Where were you when that guy half killed me?

Where were you when that guy half killed me?

- It was a fair fight.

- What was fair about it?

What about my kidney trouble?

What about my kidney trouble?

You think it's fair,

a punk kid and a guy with kidney trouble?

a punk kid and a guy with kidney trouble?

You guys were enjoying it.

Hello and how are you,

Hello and how are you,

Monroe 6-2-5-9-8?

Monroe 6-2-5-9-8?

- Jack.

- Get out of here.

[thudding]

[thudding]

This is a friend of Sam's calling.

I guess you wonder why he hung up like that.

I guess you wonder why he hung up like that.

You didn't know old Brian Aherne was rude like that,

You didn't know old Brian Aherne was rude like that,

did you?

A few other things you didn't know about him, little lady,

A few other things you didn't know about him, little lady,

like, Sam's got no wife.

Not even a dog would marry him.

Not even a dog would marry him.

And like, Sam is as fat as a pig

and as bald as an eagle and twice as ugly!

and as bald as an eagle and twice as ugly!

Can you hear me, beautiful Sam?

Can you hear me, beautiful Sam?

[intense music]

[intense music]

[crying]

[crying]

[thudding]

[foreboding music]

[somber instrumental music]

[somber instrumental music]

- I promised myself, when I was a kid,

- I promised myself, when I was a kid,

before I died, I'd experience everything.

before I died, I'd experience everything.

- Scrapping the bottom of the barrel, aren't you?

What's left, Cholera?

- If you're not careful,

- If you're not careful,

I'll cross you off my next of kin list.

- Who'd take my place?

- Who'd take my place?

[pleasant music]

- Anybody here?

- Anybody here?

Hey?

Hello?

- I didn't know, when I hired you yesterday,

I was getting Mr. Joe Lewis,

I was getting Mr. Joe Lewis,

ex-heavyweight champion of the world.

ex-heavyweight champion of the world.

You're gonna have a headache for a month.

You're gonna have a headache for a month.

- Is Sam Frazier okay?

- You take a guess, I'll take a guess,

- You take a guess, I'll take a guess,

but still won't know.

He telephoned about an hour ago.

He telephoned about an hour ago.

Hello and goodbye.

Before I could tell him,

Before I could tell him,

look, Sam, don't be a dope,

he hung up on me.

he hung up on me.

Gently.

- That poor guy.

- You ask me, it's a little late in spring for poor guy.

- You ask me, it's a little late in spring for poor guy.

- You ask me, it's a little late in spring for poor guy.

You're the one who hooked up the speaker, ain't you?

- Yeah, but I didn't know what was going on.

- Yeah, but I didn't know what was going on.

- What kind of joke is it to tear a man's heart out?

- What kind of joke is it to tear a man's heart out?

Maybe my sense of humor ain't what it used to be.

Maybe my sense of humor ain't what it used to be.

Nothing's what it used to be.

Nothing's what it used to be.

Look at that egg beater.

The egg will beat it.

Bye the way, you're fired.

- Let's go.

- Goodbye, mister practical joker.

- Look, he said he didn't know what was going on.

- Look, he said he didn't know what was going on.

- He's got a mouth.

He could ask questions.

He could ask questions.

You know how long Sam's worked for me?

You know how long Sam's worked for me?

I didn't even know myself.

I had to look it up.

Nineteen years.

Nineteen years.

Longer than anyone else.

Twelve thousand items I carry in my stock

and he knew where everything was

from oxygen cans to shoe polish.

from oxygen cans to shoe polish.

- Look, where does he live?

- Look, where does he live?

I'd like to know if he's okay.

- I was gonna mail him his last check.

- I was gonna mail him his last check.

He wouldn't even come in for that.

He wouldn't even come in for that.

You tell him, I want him back.

Tell him not to be ashamed.

Tell him not to be ashamed.

I just realized, now, after nineteen years,

I just realized, now, after nineteen years,

I don't know nothing about him.

I don't know nothing about him.

Except, maybe his social security number.

Except, maybe his social security number.

You wanna hear something?

You wanna hear something?

I should've asked a couple of questions myself.

I should've asked a couple of questions myself.

[somber music]

- Gone,

like a bluebird in October,

like a bluebird in October,

with not so much as a goodbye or good luck, Mrs. Kraley.

with not so much as a goodbye or good luck, Mrs. Kraley.

After twelves years now.

If he felt misused in any way

If he felt misused in any way

should he not have told me?

- Do you have any idea of where he went?

- Do you have any idea of where he went?

- He left while I was marketing.

Wouldn't you know, this would be just the day

Wouldn't you know, this would be just the day

that I bought a lovely leg of veal that he favors so.

that I bought a lovely leg of veal that he favors so.

- Thank you very much, ma'am.

- Thank you very much, ma'am.

- Thank you.

- [Mrs. Kraley] Good day.

[children playing]

[children playing]

- Hi.

[bell ringing]

- Now what?

- Yes?

- I'm here to take a phone out.

- I'm here to take a phone out.

Name of S. Frazier.

- Come in, please.

- I've got to get back to the swimming pool.

- I've got to get back to the swimming pool.

- Go.

- She told you, she doesn't know where he is.

- She told you, she doesn't know where he is.

When do you quit.

It can't be guilt anymore.

It can't be guilt anymore.

What do you owe this guy?

- Why don't you go back and tell a lady

- Why don't you go back and tell a lady

to kick her legs.

- I mean it, tell me.

- Tell you what?

- Why you knocking yourself out?

What's the connection?

What's the connection?

- I don't know.

- I don't know.

I don't really dig it myself.

Every one of us is born into solitary confinement,

Every one of us is born into solitary confinement,

spend the rest of our lives

spend the rest of our lives

sending out an S.O.S. we hope to heaven

sending out an S.O.S. we hope to heaven

somebody else will hear.

- So?

- So?

- This little fat guy is coming in as clear as a bell.

- This little fat guy is coming in as clear as a bell.

- I'll be putting in a traffic light

before this day is done.

before this day is done.

- Why didn't Sam take his things with him?

- Why didn't Sam take his things with him?

- This is service.

Disconnecting Monroe 6-2-5-9-8.

Disconnecting Monroe 6-2-5-9-8.

- Monroe 6-2-5-9-8?

- Yeah, why?

- That's the number he used to call the girl.

6-2-5-9-8.

6-2-5-9-8.

I heard it twice.

Why would he have a phone here when there's one

so easy to get to in the hall?

so easy to get to in the hall?

Mister, would you hold up a minute?

Mister, would you hold up a minute?

- Sure.

- That's all the dust after 12 years.

- That's all the dust after 12 years.

Somehow, that strikes me sad.

Somehow, that strikes me sad.

- A dime.

- A dime.

[dinging]

[dinging]

When the phone rings, don't answer.

- Yeah, okay.

[ringing]

[ringing]

- Who does he expect to answer the phone if we don't?

- Who does he expect to answer the phone if we don't?

- [Ruthie] Sam, is it you?

- No, this isn't Sam.

- No, this isn't Sam.

I'm looking for Sam.

Who is this?

[clicking]

[clicking]

Who can answer that phone except from here?

Who can answer that phone except from here?

- Telephone answering service.

- Telephone answering service.

[doorbell ringing]

- I'm looking for a Mrs. Kraley.

- I'm looking for a Mrs. Kraley.

- I'm Mrs. Kraley.

- This is for you.

- This is for you.

- It's his handwriting.

- It's his handwriting.

"I forgot to leave money enough for the last phone bill,

"plus any odds and ends I might have overlooked.

"plus any odds and ends I might have overlooked.

"Please give my bowling ball to Mr. Griffin down the street.

"Please give my bowling ball to Mr. Griffin down the street.

"We both have fat fingers

"We both have fat fingers

"and the ball should suit him perfectly."

"and the ball should suit him perfectly."

- Hey!

- Hey!

Hey, wait.

Where did you see the guy who gave you that letter?

Where did you see the guy who gave you that letter?

- He's a fare.

He paid an extra buck for me to come out

and bring the letter.

I asked him,

I asked him,

"Why did you just put a four cent stamp on it?"

But if he wants to spend money like there's not tomorrow,

But if he wants to spend money like there's not tomorrow,

who am I to argue?

- Yeah, but where did you leave him?

- Yeah, but where did you leave him?

- Said he was leaving town.

Wanted to say goodbye to this city from up high.

Wanted to say goodbye to this city from up high.

The Tribune Tower.

[foreboding music]

[foreboding music]

[somber instrumental music]

[somber instrumental music]

- Hi.

- Hey.

What're you doing here?

What're you doing here?

- Let's pretend I asked you that first.

- Let's pretend I asked you that first.

- Jack really banged you up, didn't he?

They catch him yet?

- I don't know.

- I don't know.

That's the friend I was telling you about.

That's the friend I was telling you about.

- Does he know about it too?

- Does he know about it too?

Why doesn't a plane fly over and spell it all out in smoke?

Why doesn't a plane fly over and spell it all out in smoke?

- Still no reason for being up here.

- Why do I have to have a reason?

- Why do I have to have a reason?

- The letter to your landlady.

Sounded like your last will and testament.

Sounded like your last will and testament.

- What were you doing over there?

Last will?

You thought I came up here to jump?

What makes you think I'm so brave?

What makes you think I'm so brave?

I come up here lots of times.

I come up here lots of times.

It's a swell view of the city.

It's a good place to say Auf Wiedersehen, like they say.

It's a good place to say Auf Wiedersehen, like they say.

Last will and testament.

Last will and testament.

It's just the opposite.

It's just the opposite.

When Mrs. Kraley goes out for her bingo game,

I'm gonna pick up my suitcases

I'm gonna pick up my suitcases

and then I'm gonna be like you guys.

Traveling.

Having a ball.

Having a ball.

Don't make me sound like a cuck or something.

I'm the same as everybody else.

I'm the same as everybody else.

I can drink beer to the barrel is empty.

Nobody laughs louder than me at a good joke.

Nobody laughs louder than me at a good joke.

There's a couple of women that might drop by

There's a couple of women that might drop by

if they don't slam the door in my face.

I don't know.

Worse than a fool.

What is it?

Nothing?

All that line of bull I fed her.

All that line of bull I fed her.

Brian Aherne and all that bologna.

Brian Aherne and all that bologna.

I was more myself with her those few minutes every morning

than I've ever been with anybody all my life.

than I've ever been with anybody all my life.

You wouldn't think that would be so important, would you?

You wouldn't think that would be so important, would you?

- Sam, why do you have to leave Chicago?

- Sam, why do you have to leave Chicago?

- Sam, why do you have to leave Chicago?

- Why not?

What have I got here that's so great?

- Yeah, but to start from scratch in a new place.

- Yeah, but to start from scratch in a new place.

- You guys do it.

- We do it with exultation.

- We do it with exultation.

We hallelujah.

- Hallelujah?

Okay.

- Sam, Mr. M thinks the world of you.

Why do you have to find a new job and a new life?

Why do you have to find a new job and a new life?

Supposing we could fix everything with Ruthie

Supposing we could fix everything with Ruthie

so it was just the way it was before?

- I'm not leaving because of a voice on the phone.

- I'm not leaving because of a voice on the phone.

It's the whole idea.

What happened today. Everything.

What happened today. Everything.

I'm sick of this place.

[somber music]

[somber music]

How could you square it?

How could you square it?

- Must be a hundred ways.

Why don't you give me a little time to think, huh?

Why don't you give me a little time to think, huh?

[gloomy music]

[gloomy music]

- Stiles, don't force me to take this up with Mr. Pavous.

- Stiles, don't force me to take this up with Mr. Pavous.

- Tell Mrs. Shankel, anybody can teach her how to swim.

- Tell Mrs. Shankel, anybody can teach her how to swim.

She has a natural grace.

She has a natural grace.

What can I do?

My buddy is still in surgery.

My buddy is still in surgery.

I can't leave until I know whether or not

he's gonna live or die.

- [Announcer] All aboard.

- [Announcer] All aboard.

- No! No!

Don't put Mrs. Shankel on.

Don't put Mrs. Shankel on.

- I had a toothache.

- I had a toothache.

Called the dentist.

It was Wednesday, his day off.

It was Wednesday, his day off.

Was an exchange answer.

Was an exchange answer.

The voice on the other end was so wonderful.

The voice on the other end was so wonderful.

Soft and gentle.

- [Announcer] Chicago to New Orleans.

Track number nine.

Track number nine.

- That's my train.

- I haven't done anything yet.

- I haven't done anything yet.

- I know.

- Why don't you take another train?

What difference does it make? Later.

What difference does it make? Later.

- I'll take this one.

- No.

- Picture your crumby place to go to.

- Picture your crumby place to go to.

- On the way, the train stops in New Orleans.

Maybe I'll stop off there for awhile.

Maybe I'll stop off there for awhile.

- New Orleans?

- Buz, that's one of the great towns on Earth.

- Buz, that's one of the great towns on Earth.

- New Orleans is No Other Love,

starring Eve Warnovella and Helen Twelve Tress.

starring Eve Warnovella and Helen Twelve Tress.

The life story of Pyotr Ilyich Tchaikovsky.

Did I say that right, professor?

Did I say that right, professor?

- No.

- So, we'll swing in town, huh?

A New Orleans chick dressed in spangled pants.

A New Orleans chick dressed in spangled pants.

A New Orleans chick dressed in spangled pants.

Toreador, that is.

Invite you up to her pad to see

the Late, Late Show.

the Late, Late Show.

You figure, this has got to be some kind of strange world

because this is New Orleans, right?

because this is New Orleans, right?

With Bessie Smith and King Oliver and all those.

With Bessie Smith and King Oliver and all those.

That kind of Jazz has got to be the place, right?

- Except, she really meant the Late, Late Show?

- Except, she really meant the Late, Late Show?

- Give the professor the Phosphorus and bow tie.

- Give the professor the Phosphorus and bow tie.

Yes, indeed,

that chick with the spangled pants from New Orleans,

she is hooked on English movies.

she is hooked on English movies.

I'll bet you I'm the greatest living authority

I'll bet you I'm the greatest living authority

on that motion picture, No Other Love.

What do you want? Cast credits?

What do you want? Cast credits?

Theme music? Commercials.

Miss Twelve Trees' gowns. Lorraine.

Miss Twelve Trees' gowns. Lorraine.

Sound technician. Jay Pealda.

Music composed by Vladimir Brat.

Music composed by Vladimir Brat.

Played by the symphonic symphony orchestra of Liverpool

Played by the symphonic symphony orchestra of Liverpool

under the direction and baton of Sir Johnathon Wrong.

under the direction and baton of Sir Johnathon Wrong.

I'll give you a thumbnail cameo of the principle parts.

I'll give you a thumbnail cameo of the principle parts.

Now, we have the old music teacher who decides,

Now, we have the old music teacher who decides,

after two lessons,

that young Pyotr Ilyich know 10 times as much as he does

that young Pyotr Ilyich know 10 times as much as he does

and decides, after that point,

to call this five year old kid,

to call this five year old kid,

with a buster brown haircut, maestro.

But the conductor, famous for pompous who doesn't dig,

But the conductor, famous for pompous who doesn't dig,

won't play this cat-swinging music.

won't play this cat-swinging music.

He smokes Dutch cigars.

- Gotta go.

- Gotta go.

- Wait a minute,

I haven't down the horses yet.

But I'm very big with the horses.

But I'm very big with the horses.

The pampered baroness, who is played to the hip by

Helen Trotsky.

She's got this black trotter with a white star

in the middle of his head.

in the middle of his head.

And as he clumps through the streets of St. Petersburg

with his legs flying.

with his legs flying.

- Goodbye...

and thank you.

and thank you.

- Put it down.

- Why?

- You're not taking that train.

- You're not taking that train.

- I am, Buz.

- Tchaikovsky is the answer.

His romance with the baroness, what's her name?

His romance with the baroness, what's her name?

Don't you dig?

- Afraid not.

- Give me the bow tie back, professor.

In a 40 year courtship,

he only saw this chick once.

They passed each other in their carriages, nodded,

They passed each other in their carriages, nodded,

and lived happily ever after.

and lived happily ever after.

- I gotta be going.

- Chicks dig things like this.

- Chicks dig things like this.

The baroness, what's her name, and Tchaikovsky.

The baroness, what's her name, and Tchaikovsky.

Sam and Ruthie.

- Oh, I see. It's a joke.

- Oh, I see. It's a joke.

- Why does it have to be a joke?

- When she sees me?

- When she sees me?

- She sees him.

- Oh, Buz, you better go buy some more popcorn.

- Oh, Buz, you better go buy some more popcorn.

- It's insane.

- Crazy. There's a difference.

- Crazy. There's a difference.

What have you got to lose?

- Wouldn't work.

- Wouldn't work.

- It worked for Tchaikovsky.

- Sam.

If you think about it,

what have you got to lose?

what have you got to lose?

[somber music]

[somber music]

[somber instrumental music]

[somber instrumental music]

- She'll be here any time now.

- She'll be here any time now.

I ever let this happen.

- This is about as far out as you can get, Buz.

- This is about as far out as you can get, Buz.

- Relax, will you? Relax.

- Flower. Get the flower.

- Flower. Get the flower.

- How do I get roped into these things?

I must be a foreign pigeon.

I must be a foreign pigeon.

- I can't understand Ruthie agreeing.

- I told you.

Girls like things like this.

Girls like things like this.

[dramatic instrumental music]

[dramatic instrumental music]

Easy. Easy.

Everything's gonna be all right.

Everything's gonna be all right.

[dramatic instrumental music]

[dramatic instrumental music]

- Ruthie.

- Ruthie.

[kids shouting]

[kids shouting]

Thank you, Ruthie,

but I still don't think Brian Aherne

has anything to worry about.

has anything to worry about.

You're beautiful.

You're beautiful.

You're more beautiful than I ever imagined.

You're more beautiful than I ever imagined.

Yes,

it was sorta silly,

it was sorta silly,

but how else would you've really believed me?

I haven't been fooling you all this time.

I haven't been fooling you all this time.

[Sam giggling]

[Sam giggling]

All right, Ruthie.

I'll call you tomorrow.

I'll call you tomorrow.

- I guess this makes us the Cupid brothers.

- I guess this makes us the Cupid brothers.

- Stupid brothers.

- Stupid brothers.

- What's with you?

- What's with you?

- Nothing.

Now Sam will get a new phone

and he'll go back to being the Don Juan of AT&T.

and he'll go back to being the Don Juan of AT&T.

I love stories with happy endings.

I love stories with happy endings.

- Boy, I'm happy.

I feel like a new man, no kidding.

I feel like a new man, no kidding.

Ruthie was really pleased with my appearance.

Ruthie was really pleased with my appearance.

I mean, your appearance.

I mean, your appearance.

How do you thank somebody

How do you thank somebody

for following the way they look?

for following the way they look?

- Forget it.

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

[whistling]

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Hi.

I'm sorry I blew up like that.

I'm sorry I blew up like that.

- Forget it.

Everybody's been shouting for lifeguard.

Especially that Misses...

Especially that Misses...

Shankel.

Where you been?

Where you been?

- Driving around.

Chicago's a big town.

Chicago's a big town.

I stopped for gas.

I stopped for gas.

Picked up a bunch of maps.

Fella in a gas station said

Fella in a gas station said

Wisconsin is great this time of year.

Wisconsin is great this time of year.

- We just got here.

- We just got here.

- Yeah, I'd still like to see Wisconsin.

- Yeah, I'd still like to see Wisconsin.

- What's with you?

- What's with you?

- Your Tchaikovsky and the baroness bit stinks.

- Your Tchaikovsky and the baroness bit stinks.

That's what's with me.

That's what's with me.

You don't seem to realize what a really sick thing this is.

While you were worrying about Sam,

While you were worrying about Sam,

did you think about the girl?

Did you see her?

Did you see her?

I mean, really see her.

She's young and vital.

Trapped by a stupid lie and an empty relationship.

Trapped by a stupid lie and an empty relationship.

Trapped by a stupid lie and an empty relationship.

- She doesn't have to be trapped.

- Fella in the gas station says

- Fella in the gas station says

you haven't lived unless you've seen Wisconsin.

you haven't lived unless you've seen Wisconsin.

I want to see her again.

I want to see her again.

How can I feel like that?

How can I feel like that?

I only saw her for 30 seconds.

- Feel like what?

- Feel like what?

- As though I've been moving toward her my whole life

without even knowing it.

without even knowing it.

She's like something out of a dream

I can't even remember having.

I can't even remember having.

- What about Sam?

- What about Sam?

- He'd get the same kick out of a long playing record.

What does he know about her?

What does he know about her?

- What do you know about her?

You talk about Sam.

At least he's been speaking to her on the phone

for I don't know how long.

You've got a fast 30 seconds of just seeing her.

You've got a fast 30 seconds of just seeing her.

- Don't ask me to make logic out of it.

- Don't ask me to make logic out of it.

- But you insist on logic from Sam, right?

- Okay, drop it!

- Okay, drop it!

- You were saying how sick he is.

- You were saying how sick he is.

Sam and his illusion.

You're hung up the same way he is, man.

You're hung up the same way he is, man.

- It's different.

- Why?

- Why?

Because it happened to you?

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

Okay.

Let's see if the gas station attendant

really knew what he was talking about.

really knew what he was talking about.

- I wanna see her again.

Where does she work?

- I don't know.

- I don't know.

- Ask Sam where she is.

- Ask Sam where she is.

- No.

[dramatic instrumental music]

[dramatic instrumental music]

[women chatting]

[women chatting]

- Sure doesn't look like much of a place

- Sure doesn't look like much of a place

for a cup of coffee, fellas.

- You don't recognize it?

- Why should I?

- Why should I?

- You mail them 10 dollars and 70 cents

the first of every month.

the first of every month.

- Ruthie works up there.

- Ruthie works up there.

- What kind of a joke is that?

- The Tele-Quick answering service.

- The Tele-Quick answering service.

One flight up.

- You're crazy.

- You're crazy.

You're both crazy.

Leave me alone!

"Come with us for a cup of coffee before we hit the road."

"Come with us for a cup of coffee before we hit the road."

Instead, you bring me here.

What am I? Some ox that everybody plays jokes?

What am I? Some ox that everybody plays jokes?

- Come on.

- Come on.

- You let me alone or I'll kill you!

- Sam, Ruthie's up there waiting for you.

- You told her about me.

- You told her about me.

- I did.

- What she waiting for?

- What she waiting for?

For a clown to show up with his baggy pants

and his nose that lights up?

and his nose that lights up?

- Sam.

- You!

[grunting]

[grunting]

- Sam, do you think we brought you here just to shame you?

- Sam, do you think we brought you here just to shame you?

- I thought you were the last guy in the world

to pull something like that.

to pull something like that.

I wish I could die.

- You're already dead.

- You're already dead.

Except for those few moments in the morning on the phone,

Except for those few moments in the morning on the phone,

you're as dead as a doornail.

Sam,

Sam,

why would we wanna hurt you?

Why?

Why?

- She'd laugh herself sick at me.

- She'd laugh herself sick at me.

- Try her and see.

- You saw her.

- You saw her.

What would a girl like that want with a clown like-

- Who says you're a clown?

- Who says you're a clown?

- I wouldn't know what to say to her.

- I wouldn't know what to say to her.

- You've talked to her for a year and a half on the phone.

- Feeding her a line of bull for a year and a half.

- Feeding her a line of bull for a year and a half.

- She told me sometimes you take a half an hour

to tell her how the street looked

to tell her how the street looked

at 5 o'clock in the morning.

Empty.

Waiting for something with a heartbeat

Waiting for something with a heartbeat

to come along and give it life.

Or about how you saw a blind man sitting in a broken chair,

Or about how you saw a blind man sitting in a broken chair,

turning his face toward where he thought the sun might be.

turning his face toward where he thought the sun might be.

Or a child standing silent and alone

Or a child standing silent and alone

as if the joy and fury of being a child

as if the joy and fury of being a child

had left him for a moment

and the solemnity of being a human being

and the solemnity of being a human being

had caught him unawares.

had caught him unawares.

Or the face of an old woman on the subway,

Or the face of an old woman on the subway,

whose beauty was greater now at 80

than it ever could have been at 19.

than it ever could have been at 19.

And who knew it, but both pride and regret.

And who knew it, but both pride and regret.

Not me, with my phony carnation, Sam,

Not me, with my phony carnation, Sam,

and not Brian Aherne.

and not Brian Aherne.

That man on the phone,

that's the man she fell in love with.

that's the man she fell in love with.

- How could she be in love with me?

- Sam,

when somebody offers you love,

when somebody offers you love,

you don't start examining it like a herring in a fish store.

you don't start examining it like a herring in a fish store.

Go on upstairs to Ruthie.

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

- What can I say to her?

- Sam,

- Sam,

when I helped those bums with the speaker,

I inherited you,

I inherited you,

but I can't climb those stairs for you.

but I can't climb those stairs for you.

[train clunking]

[train clunking]

[somber music]

[somber music]

- Ruthie is at the switchboard, Mr. Frazier.

- Ruthie is at the switchboard, Mr. Frazier.

- I guess, I did the same thing you did, Sam.

- I guess, I did the same thing you did, Sam.

- Aren't you gonna wait?

- Nope.

- We'll never know if it worked out.

- We'll never know if it worked out.

- True.

- The other one's name was Mrs. Susan Worth?

- Three kids and supremely happy.

- Three kids and supremely happy.

- Well, can't win them all.

- Well, can't win them all.

- I have a feeling you're about to be profound.

- I have a feeling you're about to be profound.

- It's entirely possible.

- It's entirely possible.

[upbeat music]

[upbeat piano music]

[upbeat piano music]

[dramatic music]

[dramatic music]

[END CREDITS]