All language subtitles for Mister Ed S01E05 Stable for Three

[whinnies]

Hello. I'm Mister Ed.

♪♪ [theme]

Morning, Wilbur.

Ed. Isn't this a
beautiful morning?

- Only for people.
- What are you so grouchy about?

Didn't sleep a wink last night.

- What kept you up?
- The smoke from your barbecue.

- It bothered you, huh?
- No. [coughs]

That's too bad. Still, we
gotta use the barbecue.

- Wanna bet?
- [phone ringing]

- [Mister Ed] Hello.
- Wilbur?

It's that fussy
Mr. Goodwin again.

Thanks, Ed. Good
morning, Mr. Goodwin.

Wilbur, I've been thinking,

it might be a good idea to put
the fireplace in the den after all.

Fine. But yesterday,
you told me that...

I changed my mind.

My wife wants the fireplace.

All right. It's your
money, Mr. Goodwin.

Good-bye.

That Goodwin. His wife
says one thing, he jumps.

- [Carol] Wilbur!
- Coming, honey!

- Hey, Wilbur.
- Yeah?

You're not a bad
jumper yourself.

Very funny.

One morning... Just one morning

I'd like to see go past without
trouble from that mischievous horse!

Honey, you can't blame
Mister Ed for everything.

I mean, this could've
been done by a stray cat.

Well, it must've been some cat

to kick over a barbecue and
leave hoofprints all over it.

Wilbur, that horse is
becoming destructive.

Maybe we ought
to get rid of him.

Well, honey, you can't blame Ed.

I mean, maybe the smoke
kept him awake all night.

He said it gave him quite...

I mean, you could
tell by his cough.

Wilbur, you never ride him.

He doesn't do any work for us.

Why are we keeping him?

Well, he... he came
with the house.

Oh, I suppose if termites
came with the house,

you'd wanna keep them, too.

Only the friendly ones.

If you must keep
him, at least tie him up

so he won't go wandering
about the place destroying things.

I'll do it right now.

Now, Ed, look, I just
saw that barbecue.

- Uh-oh.
- I'm gonna have to tie you up.

But that's slavery. You
know, we fought a war...

Ed, please.

- "Four score and seven"...
- [mutters]

Well, it's about time
you got a little sunshine.

Wilbur, have you
tied Mister Ed up yet?

Hmm? What a silly question.

How's your vegetable
garden doing, honey?

Oh, honey, I'm
so thrilled with it.

Just imagine, I put a
little seed in the ground,

and up come those
beautiful tomatoes.

- It's a miracle of nature.
- Yeah?

Especially when
you planted radishes.

No kidding. That
garden has cost me $62.

Don't you think that
you could whip up a

couple of those tomatoes
in a salad tonight?

- Eat my tomatoes?
- Well, honey,

don't look at me as
though I were a cannibal.

- We've got to
eat them sometime.
- Well, Wilbur,

let's not eat those
tomatoes just yet, huh?

What are you gonna do,
make lamps out of them?

[laughs]

Whatcha thinking about, honey?

My spring onion.

It should've been up by now.
What do you think it needs?

- Another spring onion.
- Ohh!

You know, this garden
here has cost me a fortune.

What do you got to show for
it? Three radishes, four tomatoes

and a spring onion that
can't make up its mind.

You're a big help.

Sweetie, scratch my back.

- Hi, Luther Burbank.
- Hi, Kay.

Guess what? Addison's surprising
me with a gorgeous mink stole.

- Oh, what's the occasion?
- My anniversary.

- Is it today?
- Well, not exactly.

- It's eight months from now.
- Eight months?

As a matter of fact, he doesn't
even know he's buying me the stole.

That's the surprise.

Yes. Come on downtown
with me and help me pick it out.

Kay, can we go a little
later this afternoon?

- Oh, I have to finish
shopping by 3:00.
- Why 3:00?

By that time, the banks are
closed, and my husband's helpless.

Come on. Put that
thing down. Hurry up.

Hello, Roger. How are you today?

Not so good.

During the night, someone
demolished my barbecue.

I understand there's been a
stray cat around the neighborhood.

- A stray dog?
- Try old plug.

[sputters]

I'm awfully sorry about
your barbecue, Roger.

[phone ringing]

I'll take it.

Hello?

Yes, he's here. Just a minute.

- It's your wife.
- My wife?

Oh, thanks. Yes, Kay?

Are you wearing
your sweater, darling?

Yes, I am.

Keep it buttoned.

I don't want you
catching cold, puddin' pie.

"Puddin' pie." She's
setting me up for something.

I can feel it in my wallet.

Just because a wife is nice to her
husband doesn't mean she wants anything.

Post, how long have
you been married?

- Three years.
- I put in 21 years.

Take my advice. When your
wife begins to act unnaturally kind,

kiss her, but don't take your
hands out of your pockets.

Roger, did it ever occur to you that Kay is
being nice to you because she loves you?

[sputters]

That horse seems to have
more sense than you have.

But in the future, just keep
him away from my house.

Ed, I'm ashamed of you.

Why did you destroy
our neighbor's barbecue?

Well, what have you
got to say for yourself?

I'm not saying a word
till I hear from my lawyer.

Well, I'm gonna lock you in your
stall until you've learned your lesson.

No. I've got a better idea.

You're gonna go
without your lunch today.

Well, aren't you
gonna say anything?

Crime doesn't pay.

Go without my lunch?

Not while there's a
garden full of vegetables.

[Wilbur] Hey, Ed!
What are you doing?

Uh-oh. Caught
with my plants down.

No!

Mister Ed, Carol's garden
is completely ruined!

Those crows will eat anything.

- It was you who ate them.
- Me? [hiccups]

Then whose hoofprints are those?

So far, that's pretty
flimsy evidence.

- Why did you do it, Ed?
- You took away my oats.

I was hungry.

When Carol finds out
you've wrecked her garden,

she'll insist on
getting rid of you.

- What are you gonna do
about it, Wilbur?
- Me?

You could cover
up for an old pal.

What do you suggest?

Run down to the market,

buy a few vegetables to
stick back into the ground.

- That's pretty sneaky.
- Yeah. I thought you'd like it.

I'll give it a try.

Why do I do these
things for you?

Because we like each other.

[chuckling] Ed.

- Get going.
- Yeah.

Boy, I got out of
that one pretty neatly.

[chuckles]

Oh. Hi, Roger.

Hello, Wilbur.

Don't tell me you're planting vegetables
in the hope seeds will come up?

Uh, if you'll excuse
me, I'm in a jam.

Have you seen my wife? She and my
checkbook seemed to have gone out together.

Well, I think she went
shopping with my wife.

Then she'll be returning soon.

Yeah, the banks
have just closed.

Wilbur, I don't
think you're well.

[car approaching]

Ed, she's here!

Thanks, Carol.

It's a lovely stole, Kay,

and I know you'll
look just beautiful in it.

Well, I hope
Addison will think so.

When are you going
to show it to him?

I may have to
break it to him gently.

Maybe I'll just wear the
box for a couple of days.

Thanks a lot, Carol,
for going with me.

Well, happy anniversary,
whenever it is.

- Kay.
- Hmm?

Good luck.

I'll need it.

Uh-oh. Here she comes.

Relax, Wilbur.

We have nothing
to fear but fear itself.

Yeah.

Oh! Ohhh!

- Hello, Wilbur.
- Carol. Hello, darling.

- Sweetheart.
- My, what have we here?

[Carol] Don't you recognize
the vegetables from my garden?

- Yes. They're beautiful.
- Aren't they?

You know, this is the most
amazing tomato I ever grew.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm. It grew
without a stem,

upside down and all tied up.

- Nature's wonderful.
- And just look
at these radishes.

Oh, those are lovely radishes.
You should win a prize with those.

I should. You see, I planted red
radishes, and white ones came up.

- Wilbur, what happened
to my beautiful garden?
- Honey, it was an accident.

It was that horse again! And now
don't you try to cover up for him!

Dear, it was all my fault. You see, I took
his oats away, and he was very hungry.

- He promised he'd never
do it again.
- He promised?

What I mean is, you could tell by
the look on his face that he was sorry.

You're always alibiing
for him! Sometimes I

think you love that horse
more than you do me!

Now just a minute...

And if he could cook,
I'd be without a job!

- You would not.
- Well, as far as I'm concerned,

if you love that horse so much,
you can sleep in the barn with him!

- Carol, you don't mean that.
- Oh, yes, I do.

And for your sake, I hope
your friend doesn't snore.

Carol!

- Buddy boy?
- What do you want?

So it won't be a total loss,

pass me those vegetables, hmm?

Hmm?

Well, if Carol thinks I'm gonna call
her and apologize, she's mistaken.

Uh, Wilbur,

next time get my pizza
pie with anchovies.

You know, just
between the two of us,

Carol is perfectly justified
in being angry with you.

You had no right to
eat her vegetables.

Look who's talking. You stuck those
vegetables in the ground, not me.

[phone ringing]

- I'll get it.
- Sit. I'll get it.

Never mind.

- Hello, honey.
- This is Mr. Goodwin again.

Oh. All right. I'll put the
fireplace back, Mr. Goodwin.

Good-bye.

You know, maybe I
ought to call Carol.

Wilbur.

You're right.

Any woman who would allow her
husband to sleep in a broken-down stable...

Please, you're talking
about our home.

- [knocking]
- Come in, honey.

Please, you're talking to
your next-door neighbor.

- Somebody here?
- No. I was just talking
to myself.

Oh.

I understand you're going to
be sleeping in the stable tonight.

Oh, news gets around
quick, doesn't it?

- Oh-ho-ho-ho!
- I've got work to do.

Besides, this isn't really
a stable. This is my office.

Oh, sure, sure. And I see you've
engaged a secretary to take shorthand.

- Mister Ed.
- My boy, do you know where
you made your first mistake?

- Getting married?
- No. There's nothing
wrong with marriage,

provided there is just one in
the family who wears the pants.

[phone ringing]

I'll take it. Excuse me.

- Hello, honey?
- Oh, no, Wilbur.

This is Kay. Is Addison there?

Yes. Your pants is on the phone.

Yes, dear?

Doll, will you
please hurry home?

I just baked a
special cake for you.

I'll be there.

Baked a cake, huh?

She must've bought
something really expensive.

If there's whipped
cream on it, I'm bankrupt.

Just one more piece
of cake, Addison doll.

Really, Kay, three
pieces are sufficient.

Oh, but, Addison, I...

Well, shall we have the
ice cream now or later?

- Later.
- All right, sweets.

Now let Mother make you comfy.

Here, I'll put this
nice pillow behind you.

Now lay back.
You've had a hard day.

- Here's the evening paper
for you.
- Thank you.

- Isn't that nice?
- Nice.

Now, just you relax, dear.

Relax, dear.

[clears throat]

[clears throat]

It goes back in the morning.

You could at least look at it.

Beautiful. It still goes
back in the morning.

I'm keeping it.

Oh. Is it going to be
one of those nights?

Am I losing the ice cream, too?

- I'm keeping the stole.
- Over my dead checkbook.

Oh, now, Addison, be fair.

Did I raise a fuss when you went out
last week and squandered a fortune?

I bought a pair of socks for $2.

Just answer my question.
Did I raise a fuss?

That stole goes
back in the morning.

If it does, it will
have to walk by itself.

Are you going to let me
have some peace tonight,

or must I find
somewhere else to stay?

Say, Wilbur, is this animal
gonna sleep in here with us?

Yeah. He's paid up till
the end of the month.

Besides, maybe we can
learn a few things from him.

He's the only one around here who
hasn't been kicked out by his wife.

I'm afraid this couch is
too narrow for both of us.

You know, I toss
a little in my sleep.

Oh? I toss, too.

Well, look, you take the couch. I'll
get something for myself from the patio.

Wilbur, I'm sorry to put
you to so much trouble.

Oh, forget it. And
look at it this way:

You haven't lost a wife,
you've gained a stablemate.

[sputters]

Stablemate.

Well, you get those
with chop suey?

They happen to
be a gift from Kay.

- Is that what started
the fight?
- No, our little tiff

revolved around a mink stole my
dear wife purchased this afternoon.

Oh. Is that why she was
buttering you up all day?

This was more of
a lubrication job.

Take heed, Post. Females
are tricky creatures.

They don't have teeth but
fangs, not nails but claws,

and instead of a
heart, a charger plate.

If you feel that way about
women, why did you get married?

Man does not live
by bread alone.

Come on. Admit it.

You know you're
crazy about your wife.

Of course I am, but I
dare not tell her that.

Destroy our entire relationship.

I'm crazy about Carol, too.

So why are we
sleeping in the barn?

We are teaching them a lesson.

Well, thank heaven that sleeping
pill is beginning to take effect.

- [sneezes]
- Gesundheit.

Oh, of all things.

I'm allergic to hay. [sneezes]

Gesundheit.

[Roger] Thank you, Wilbur.

You better cover up, boy.
You sound a little hoarse.

[deep voice] Yeah. Good night.

[snoring]

That stole still goes
back in the morning.

[gasps]

Maybe I can help.

Darling, I'm sor...
Oh, hi, Carol.

I thought it was my
Diamond Jim Brady.

- Do you mind if I come in, Kay?
- Glad to have you, honey.

I was getting tired
talking to my mink.

- Kay, I have something
to tell you.
- Oh?

Maybe we were wrong.

Maybe we should tell them...
Ask them to come home.

- Well, I don't know, honey.
- [clatter]

- What was that?
- You think
it could be prowlers?

[Mister Ed] Louis, this
joint looks like a pushover.

But don't use the rods
unless you have to.

Let's get out of here, quick.

Wilbur! Wilbur! Wilbur, wake up!

- Wake up, Wilbur!
- What happened? What's wrong?

There are prowlers outside.
They're trying to rob our house.

Prowlers? Prowlers?

Wake up, honey! They're
gonna rob the house!

It still goes back
in the morning.

Oh, dear.

Be careful, darling. They
were right under that window.

Hmm? There's nobody
here but... but Ed.

Why, they seem
to be gone, darling.

Mister Ed must've
scared them away.

- Mister Ed?
- Yeah. Pretty smart, huh?

Smart? He's wonderful.

You still want
to get rid of him?

Oh, no, honey. I'm
so ashamed of myself.

Believe me, if Ed could
talk, he'd forgive you.

Come on, honey.

It's nice of you to drive me
downtown, Wilbur. Kay is using my car.

- That's all right.
- And I'm sorry I took
that sleeping pill last night

and wasn't able to assist
you in that emergency.

Oh, that's okay.

I mean, there were only four burglars,
so I was able to handle it all right.

- Four, huh?
- Yeah.

- Well, where we going?
- To the fur shop.

- Fur shop?
- I told you I wear
the pants in my family.

And this morning, when
I insisted on returning

this mink stole, Kay gave it
to me without an argument.

Oh, well, let's go.

Closed-Captioned By J.R.
Media Services, Inc. Burbank, CA

♪♪ [theme]

[Man] This has been a
Filmways television presentation.