Original subtitles

[music]

[groans] Mornin', mornin', mornin'.

Mornin'.

Man, the IRS. What the hell they want now?

What they always want-- money you work hard to earn.

Not this time, Vinny. Oooey!

Ha, ha, ha!

Don't ask me to borrow no money.

I gave them thieves more money than I earned last year.

Hey Dad, uh, I'm gonna need a little extra today.

It's me and Chilecia's 67 and a half day,

13 minute and 35 second anniversary

since our first lip-to-lip contact.

Man.

Man, I hope you, uh... Hope you get some. Here.

[Vinny laughs]

For real?

Yeah, you gotta get somethin' after a lip to lip.

For real, huh?

Look at that.

No, I ain't givin' nothin'. You get more than that.

He have something-- I have that room over there.

Take it home. Enjoy.

Dad, thanks.

Boy took all my money, didn't he?

What the hell's going on over there?

What you got?

It's the first time I feel like Sam is a real uncle.

They sent me a refund check for $15,000.

$15,000?

Look, man, now, you know you got a wife.

That automatically cuts your dough in half.

Leah's not like that.

She wants me to have something for me

'cause she know I do so much for everybody but me.

[Vinny] Yeah, you do. [chuckles]

Hey, that money got an assignment on it

that ain't got nothin' to do with you.

What money?

Like I said, kiss it goodbye.

Here babe, look.

Oh my goodness.

Oh my goodness, is this a check from Colonel Sanders?

-Wait, is this a mistake? -Nope.

Nah, baby, we overpaid!

Man, that Bumbo Tax Services.

I knew they was fraud.

Better make sure it's legit

before somebody come in here and rearrange your face,

have you lookin' like Flava Flav.

Three, two, one...

I can think of so many great things to do with this!

-I know, right? -Ooh, like pay off all our debt!

[laughs]

Like I said, that money's got legs,

and not the kind of you wanna see in a skirt

under the kitchen table.

What you talking about?

-Hey, boy, whoa-ho-ho! -That check say Jeremy.

We are rich!

[music]

? No matter what you do, I love you ?

? No matter where you go, I'm behind you for sure ?

? Always remember, blood ain't never water ?

? We'll make it if we stay together ?

[music]

Man, what is this?

Mm, something for you to see.

-You goin' somewhere? -Yep.

You might not want to after you see this.

"The I's free plan"?

This is our road to financial freedom, okay?

This is where we started.

Then we had kids, and froop! Dropped down here. Mm-hmm.

And then you got that job, so we rose up here-whoop!

And then, you know, we, uh, bought the house,

couple cars, and then we were right about here.

Then...you got that promotion and we were excited

and then we went back up here!

Then...

you lost that cushy job, so we went--shroop!

Back down here.

Okay, what are you saying?

I'm saying that if we use that refund check

to pay off our debt,

we can go all the way back up here!

You see that?

Look, babe, I'm all for being debt free,

but come on, man, let's pay a few bills

and then let's do something fun. Live a little!

Okay, we can pay off all of our debt and we can live a lot.

I pay it down every single month, okay?

All right, now, look, we've made a lot of sacrifices.

Why do you think I had to give up that surprise cruise

for your birthday last year?

Hold on, you planned a surprise cruise for me?

Okay, well, you didn't tell me about it.

Yeah, that's what a surprise is.

You don't tell people about it, all right?

Look, if you knew how many surprises I had planned for you

that you never found out about, you'd be shocked.

[laughs]

[text chime]

Oh, oh, I gotta go.

I'm about to do this, uh, custom fitting

for this new suit.

For what?

I don't know yet.

[fake laugh]

And how much did that cost, Jeremy?

I don't know yet. [laughs]

And now we're gonna be here!

Broke!

Livin' with all of these old people

for the rest of our lives.

[Jeremy] Men.

He don't see my vision. I's free.

We gonna be free.

[music]

Thank you for helping me babysit Miss Kimberly's grandson.

Mr. Brown said I'd need backup.

Oh, I don't mind helpin' out with Lil Chucky.

Oh come on, don't call him that. Theodore is a lovely boy.

What's up, Mr. Vinny?

You look younger than you did the last time I saw you.

Oh, I love the sound of that, Theodore.

Not a day over 91--

Sit down somewhere, boy! [chuckles]

What are you carrying in this thing?

A dead body?

A few toys for the boys.

Which you're not to mess with until you finish your homework.

Your grandmother said don't touch none of those devices

until after you finish your homework or else.

Or else what?

You have to deal with me.

Shiver me timbers, Mr. B.

He's all yours.

I'm prayin' for y'all.

Enjoy your date, Mr. Brown.

And stay out as long as you want.

I'll see y'all in a month.

I see you went huntin' for a jacket.

Yeah, rawr!

I don't know why these teachers

give us homework on the weekends.

Don't they know we have better things to do?

Better things to do like what?

Uh, eat, sleep...

Hang out with old folk.

[chuckles]

Well, homework keeps you sharp.

Keeps you sharp and keeps you out of trouble.

When I was your age, let's see, we played stickball

and hide-and-seek 'til dark.

Sounds boring.

Some of us get together and play streetball.

Where do you play that at?

On my device?

Where else do you play streetball?

Uh, how about the street?

Before you get on your device,

your grandma said to do your homework.

So, uh, what type of homework you got?

I got to study for a stupid science quiz.

Science?

I used to love science when I was your age.

Especially when they talkin' 'bout anatomy, man.

That was a lot of fun.

Why do you call it stupid?

Because I can't seem to do well in it.

Every other class I have good grades

except stupid science.

That means, Theo,

you gotta study harder, that's all.

No, that means it's stupid.

Maybe it's the science is the one that's not stupid.

Whatchu tryin' to say?

I said what I said. You didn't hear me?

You're not stupid, Theo, and neither is science.

Mm, sound like the boy don't know his stuff.

I may not be the sharpest pencil in the pouch,

but I bet I know more than you, old man.

Ooh-ooh!

Now, that sounds like a challenge.

Bring it on. And if I win,

you make me whatever I want for dinner tonight.

And if I win, you gotta sort out my dirty underwear,

and I don't even wear underwear. How about that?

[Anastasia chuckles]

Right now I got on no drawers.

Vinny--

Bring it on.

[laughs]

[music]

Baby, wait 'til you see what we got!

We?

Yo, Dad took us on a little shopping spree.

[Jeremy] Got a little drip for you.

You're welcome.

Thank you for thinking of me.

And a little drip-drip for you, Son.

Ah, thank you for thinking of me--a lot.

Oh, are we still on for that boxing match tomorrow?

[Jeremy] Definitely, definitely.

Hold on, the one you said was overpriced?

You know, that was before we can upon

this little bit of extra bread.

Hood Rat Renny about to go toe to toe

with Water-Head Watson.

Yes.

Whoever said that money changes people,

they were right.

He's never said yes this much.

Do I look official?

Is that a motorcycle jacket?

[Jeremy] Mm-hmm.

And a helmet, Jeremy?

Yeah, it's fly, right?

Yeah, no, um, uh--

Hold up, hold up.

Get your phone out and take a picture.

Are you goin' to a costume party or somethin'?

Maybe dressed as the Black Evel Knievel?

[motor rumbling outside] What's that?

Your boy's outside.

You probably should've sized up.

Hey, but the bike looks dope, man!

-Yeah? -Gotta get some photos!

Ahh!

-What did he say? -Bike.

My boy Cameron, he was getting rid of his bike,

so I took it off his hands.

Don't you need a license for that, Jeremy?

Yes, yes, I already paid for it.

I'm going to the best academy in the country.

Of course you did. Of course you did.

And how much did that cost?

It was a pretty penny, but it don't even matter.

I can't type "pretty penny" in a calculator.

Look, stop trippin.

After I finish, me and you, we riding off into the sunset.

Got you a little outfit.

You gonna be wearing these on the back of the bike.

[chuckles]

I can't even get a thigh in here, Jeremy.

These must've been half off or somethin'.

Yeah, they about to be half off your ass.

Vroom, vroom! [laughs]

Well I almost, I almost said somethin' to you.

You may care about this.

[music]

Welcome to Are You Smarter Than a Fourth Grader?

Oh, hell yes, I'm smarter!

Wasting my time.

You'll be better off washing your dentures.

And you'll be better off polishing your training wheels.

Straw for who goes first.

About to wear you out. All right.

See? Already coming up short.

Alright, alright.

What is an organism?

[ding]

That's easy--any living thing.

I knew that. I was gonna answer that.

Now, that I know.

-Sure you did. -I did know that one.

Question number two. What is a herbivore?

[ding]

A herbivore is someone...

someone who enjoys herbs.

[ding]

It's the organism that gets its energy from eating plants.

Well, I get my energy from herbs,

so that would be me.

Question number three. What is offspring?

[ding]

Offspring is...

An offspring is babies that ladies have

that they wish were mine.

-Oh, you're horrible. -That too.

Question number four. What is symbiosis?

[ding]

Don't even try it.

Symbiosis.

Bi-osis.

I know what "sis" means...

Don't tell me. Don't tell me!

-I didn't say anything! -Don't--

Don't try to tell me, okay?

Symbiosis is when two people get together

to do something to make them sweat.

[ding]

The relationship between two species

that benefits at least one of them.

Well, in that scenario,

some lucky lady gets the benefit of being with Vinny!

[laughs]

-And the last question. -Uh-huh.

What is a food chain? [ding]

I wish you would. I wish you would.

I really wish you would, but you can't, 'cause I did.

Food chain...

Can you say it again? What is the question?

What. Is. A. Food. Chain?

Can you say it slower?

What is a food chain for?

What is a food chain for?

What is a food chain-- Not a food chain fool.

-What is a food-- -A food chain,

not a food chain fool?

A food chain is...

A food chain is where you get your food.

No, a food chain is where you get your fast food from.

[ding]

The steps of organisms transferring energy

by eating and being eaten.

[cheers, laughs]

Theo wins by a landslide!

[laughs]

Vinny, put on your apron,

because you'll be cooking whatever Theo puts on the menu.

[fake laugh]

Did you go to Dum-Dum Elementary?

I don't know if I went to Dum-Dum Elementary,

but I retired with money in my pocket,

so I can be as stupid as I want to, little boy!

Booyah! In your face!

You're broke and young!

[laughs] [dings bell]

Alright.

I'm all scheduled for my class M license.

Cool. Sounds good.

Yeah, that's too easy.

I'm glad you're picking up an old habit--hobby.

Yeah, I'm glad you said that,

'cause it's time to have some fun around here,

especially with all the work we do.

Right.

Did you do something with your money?

I did.

Okay, let's hear it.

I opened an account.

Okay, a 401K, a Roth, like, what?

No, um, like a savings account of my own.

What? Why would you do that?

Because Jeremy, you seem to spend money

how you want to spend it.

So I opened an account so that I can have some control

over what goes and what stays.

So that's how it is.

I thought we were supposed to be a team.

Well, a team works together to reach a common goal.

-Exactly. -Uh-huh.

And they keep each other in mind at all times.

-Yeah, that's right. -Yeah.

Well, you didn't seem to keep me in mind

when you went out and bought this bike.

Oh my god.

Do you know how many men only take their wives to a movie

or on a date or something?

I'm about to take you across the country.

How many wives can say that?

I guess I'm not all wives, Jeremy.

Yeah, no, all wives don't get to see me in my leather pants.

You know what?

We need to save money, Jeremy.

Our kids are getting older

and we don't plan on living here forever.

Sometimes it's about just

a little bit of delayed gratification.

Yeah, I get all that.

But you're being stubborn right now.

No, I'm not being stubborn. I'm just not budging.

You got charts and graphs and all these plans.

You ever thought about how hard I work around here?

Just, I put in a lot of work.

That's the point, Jeremy.

I don't want you to keep just putting it in.

I get that, but...

That's all we do, we gonna burn out.

I've been there before.

You act like I haven't been there before, Jeremy!

I've worked a few grunt jobs myself over the years!

Yeah, well, we got more support now, all right?

We gotta take advantage of it. It's time to let loose!

Well, sometimes there's such a thing as too loose.

Look, Leah, you not about to make me feel bad

for doing something for myself for a change--

See? See? This is what I'm talkin' about right here.

It's either your way or the highway!

It's not my way.

But if I keep this bike,

we gonna be on the highway.

"Leah Washington..."

[music]

Man, Mr. Vinny, I thought my grandmama could cook.

You've got me licking my fingers.

[laughs]

It is delicious. [doorbell rings]

Maybe I'll study food science to become a chef one day.

Yeah, that was fun.

[indistinct]

[screaming]

Welcome back!

Yes, we went to down to Betty Baked Biscuits,

and you should've seen, I had biscuits and jelly.

And ended at the famous Ferris wheel.

Mr. Brown, you're afraid of heights.

You're a special lady to get him on a Ferris wheel.

Oh no, he didn't get on the Ferris wheel.

He watched it go 'round a few times,

-got dizzy, and nearly fainted. -[laughter]

I'll have you to know I was fakin'.

I just wanted you to fall into my arms and look in my eyes

and fall in love. And she did!

You should've seen her. She was lookin' into--

"Oh, Brown! Oh, Brown!"

-What she say? -"Oh Brown!"

She in love.

-How did Theodore do? -With the deacon!

She in love with a deacon!

Did Theodore do okay?

I can tell you how that went. This boy--

He did very well.

He told me science is stupid.

It turns out he's the stupid one.

All right--

-Watch it, Theodore. -Be nice, be nice.

Vinny got him to study by playing as if

he didn't know much.

You mean you played stupid on purpose?

I know all about that stuff, man.

I knew about anatomy and food chain and all that stuff.

I couldn't have you walking around

thinking you was stupid. Come on, now!

Mr. Vinny, if I get an A-plus on that test,

dinner's on me.

I'ma hold you to do that one.

But it might come from the food chain

you mentioned earlier.

[Vinny laughs]

I'm trying to think of where you're gonna get the money

to pay for--

-[laughter] -takin' them out to dinner.

He's gonna sell his hair.

[laughter]

That gotta stay. I, I have money.

-[Anastasia] Oh, wow! -You don't have money yet!

I'ma steal it from Mom's bank account.

[laughter]

Wait a minute. You'll be in jail!

Good job, man! Good job.

[music]

Government department.

Electricity usage...

Now you wanna roll up?

So, um...

I was thinking.

Maybe you were right.

I guess it wasn't cool that I spent that money

without your blessing.

So I...returned the bike to Cameron.

Whew!

Thank you, baby.

Yeah, we agreed to secure our financial future, so...

-um, we should stick to that. -Say that again.

I said we should stick to it. You were right.

You're always right.

Look, I can lighten up some, okay?

Really? You think so?

Maybe a little bit. It's okay to have fun sometimes.

-Did you close the new account? -No. Mm-mm.

I mean, we can keep it for extra money.

You know, act like it's not there.

I'ma give you access, boo.

Aight.

So...

I talked to my guy, and he understood our issue,

so he let me return the bike.

Which means there's no sunset in our future.

Not our near future, anyway.

But!

We can't ride around the country,

but we can...

Mm-mm. Oh, what--

You're scaring me, Jeremy.

What is that?

We can scoot around the city! [laughs]

Aww!

Ah, hoo, hoo, hoo! I love that idea!

-Yeah. -Ooh...

It's a scooter.

Wait a minute.

Which--oh, boy.

Come on. Come on, baby.

-Come on. -Help me.

Damn it. Hm.

See if it'll fit.

You better not even crack a joke.

[Jeremy] What? Go ahead.

Don't you-- You better not do it.

Oh!

I'ma beat you up!

There you go, you look good baby.

? Scoot it and boot it ?

? Scoot it and boot it ?

? On a budget ?

? Scoot it and boot it ?

? On a budget ?

[laughs]

[music]

-Come on, let's go. -You're the best. I know.

We're gonna ride around the city like this.

[laughs]

[music]

[music]

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