All language subtitles for Assisted Living s05e03 One Drop.eng

[smooth music]

Hey!

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,
ah, hey, ah, ah, hey ♪

[indistinct]!

Hey!

Hey!

-You so damn stupid.
-Ain't nobody stupid!

-What you talkin' about?!
-Man, that's profilin', man.

How is it profilin'?!

He was found in the wee hours
of the morning,

in the desert, scraped up by
barbed wire, barefooted!

That ain't profilin'!

That don't mean the man was
an illegal, fool!

You know what, I would say use
the good sense

that the Lord gave you, but
he didn't give you none.

Man, I'll hit you hard, I'll
make that suit polka-dotted.

Just shut up, man.
Shut up.

What, what is all this?

I've started a new foundation.

Man, is this some of that
old nasty beet juice

you tryin' to sell again?

No, no, far from it.

This ain't one of those
"Go Africa or go home", is it?

Man, I ain't goin' nowhere.
I don't speak the language.

I need the ladies to understand
me

so they can give me what I need.

No, no, you don't have to go
anywhere.

But I'm sure you both might need
a little R&R.

Renee and Renita?
I had the twins last night, boy.

Are you talkin' about revival
and repentance?

No, R&R stands for [indistinct].

Root, root!
Root, root!

Stupid, stupid!
Stupid, stupid!

-That's kinda corny.
-No, no, no,

it is, it is my new foundation!

Look, I am starting
a roots drive

to, to raise funds to build
my first well in Africa.

You know what, that's good!
That's a good cause, ain't it?

Man, that's stupid.

Wouldn't it be easier for you to
just

send them people over there
some bottled water?

You know what, the last piece of
your hair done left your head

-and took your brain with it.
-Ooh, I wanna fight you so bad.

Well, then, do it, then.

Do it, that's all we gotta do,
do it.

-Just move the table.
-"Free DNA tests."

Yes, yes!
Take one!

And enter into a drawing to win
a free trip to the motherland.

Oh, I ain't got to do
that to go to the motherland.

I'm from the motherland.

Which part?

The land that my mother was on.
Thank you.

Here's a donation, Efe.

I'd give my DNA,

but I'm afraid
my eighth ex-husband

might find out I'm still alive.

He's scouring the country
in search of my fossils.

Here, here you go.

Those things never work out
for me.

The last time I had one,

they said I was half Teletubby
and third cousin of Dolemite.

So, no takers?

Hey, brother [indistinct]!
Come on, brother!

Come on, now.
This is for a great cause!

Let me tell you,
I can see it now, man.

The government might clone
my seed

and impregnate all the women.

That is way too much
child support.

I can't change no diapers,
I'm wearin' one myself.

Hey!

Hey, [indistinct]!

[groovy music]

♪ No matter what you do,
I love you ♪

♪ No matter where you go,
I'm behind you for sure ♪

♪ Always remember ,
blood ain't never water ♪

♪ We'll make it if we stay
together ♪

[groovy music]

Hello, Efe!

Oh, hello, my sister Karen!

What has got you so excited
today?

Hopefully she joined
a nudist camp and movin' out.

That would be great.

You may be looking at the new
part-time curator

of the Museum of History and
Culture!

Once they find out
she ain't got no culture,

they gonna change the name of
the Museum

to The Museum of the
Livin' Dead.

I thought they were closing
that place down.

They're makin'
a last-ditch effort

to keep it afloat.

And I just know
if they hire me,

that I'll be able to breathe
new life into it!

You know, ever since I was
a little girl,

I always wanted to have
an art gallery.

But my parents frowned on being
an artist.

-[Efe] Hm.
-But art is in my blood!

Ooh, why don't you take
a roots DNA test, ay,

and see who your ancestors are?

Ooh, you know, lore has it
that I come from a long line

of esteemed artistes ,
like Van Gogh and da Vinci.

[giggling]

Ooh, and I would just love to
find out

that I'm related to Medici!

I've got a taker!

You know what?
Make that two.

If she's related to artists,

then I've gotta be related to
my hero, Solomon.

700 wives, 300 concubine.

Everybody naked, everybody!

Naked!

Jeremy!

Yo, why you yellin' my name
like you crazy?

What's goin' on?

This doorknob still isn't
working.

There ain't nothin' wrong
with this doorknob,

you just don't know how to
work it.

Look.

-I don't know how to work it.
-See?

Dad, how am I supposed to do
my presentation

in this wrinkled suit?

Jeremy, you were supposed to
take this to the cleaners

and have it steamed!

I know, but I've been busy, man.

I had to help Reginald with
his closet rack, I'm sorry.

Had to, huh?

Okay, well, uh, if I don't wear
that suit,

then the next thing you'll see
me in is a reflective vest

because I would've flunked out.

No, no, baby.

I'll take care of it
and drop it at the school.

-Thank you.
-Mm-hm.

He don't have no job at all.

Why are you telling him
about...

What's this?

Your honey-do list.

It has been growing
for the past three months.

You're always exaggerating.

This has been, like, two months,
and this stuff is done, look.

Pull the weeds, check.

Level bed slats, check.

Replace hinge on closet door,
check, check.

Change the showerhead, check.

Fix the doorknob, just did that.
What we talkin' about?

Jeremy, why are you checkin'
things off

that have not been done yet?

Because I like to think ahead,
Leah.

Alright?
You know what I'm sayin'?

Make me feel like it's already
done.

Oh, okay, well, the point of
the honey-do list...

...is to actually do it, honey.

Whatever.
I gotta go.

Wait, where you goin'?

Ugh, I'm runnin' late.

I told Cora I will come down to
the church

to help install
the trampoline mats.

-Hm.
-Yeah.

She got her Jump for Jesus
campaign, so...

Wait, hold on.
What is the tank top for?

Ah, you know, it get a little,
it get a little hot over there.

When I wear this,
them old church geezers,

they give your boy extra
peppermints.

Hold on, them old church geezers

better keep them peppermints
to themselves.

Yeah.

[mutters to self]
[loud click]

I thought the doorknob was
fixed, Jeremy!

[groovy music]

Why the long face?

Jeremy's around here bein'
a handyman

for everybody but me.

Ooh, I know that feeling.

My fourth husband loved
his toolbelt.

But I found out he was using
his wrench

on somebody else's nuts and
bolts.

You have no idea what it's like
to wake up on a leaning bed!

I have recurring dreams that
I'm slidin' down a hill.

Then I wake up and realize

I've actually fallen on
the floor.

I have an idea that would get
Jeremy to knock out

that honey-do list in
three days.

Ooh, honey, do tell.

Hey, Sharetha,
dial Two Hunks with Trunks.

Oh, girl.

You a troublemaker.

You gon' go or what?

I don't care what you say,
I got my four tricks.

Hell will freeze over before you
get more tricks than me, Reggie.

Right, and our tricks come
with diamonds.

Bam!

Reggie, stick with taco trucks,

'cause cards ain't in
the cards for you.

I was undefeated in competitive
crazy eights

two years in a row!

I got the Mr. Crazy award.

Yeah, you are crazy.

I think I have it in the bag!

I hope you keep it on your face
so we don't have to see you.

So, you got the job at
the museum?

Well, a good chance.

Uh, uh, one of the panelists
said to me

that I have exactly what
they're looking for.

-Ah.
-Well, I love art.

I was a nude model for
young art students.

Really?
Was it the School for the Blind?

I'm just askin' for a friend.

Now I have to prepare for
my second interview.

They want me to propose a,
an art exhibit.

So, I need to find something
with,

with depth and beauty and
purpose.

Oh, that's easy, Karen.
You need to exhibit me.

I got the roots DNA results!

[exclaiming]

Well, if you got
extraterrestrial in your blood,

don't say I didn't warn you.

Hey, remember, if you inherited
streets of gold,

I'm the one put the roof
over your head and fed you.

You ain't gave me a damn thing,
Brown.

I pay to stay, okay?

You ungrateful.

Well, well, well, well?

It says European.

Oh, that's a shock!
Everybody, everybody shocked?

-Everybody shocked!
-I'm shocked!

[Mr. Brown] European?

[indistinct]

Sierra Leone, I knew I had
some French in my blood.

That's why the ladies
love my kisses.

Florence, Italy!
Home of the great Renaissance!

And it's the home of the mafia.

Is there somethin' you need
to tell us?

Look at this right here.
Mozambique.

I got hunters and gatherers
in my blood.

We hunt foxy women
and we gather their goods.

What is this?

.0003% Mayotte?

What?

[All] Mayotte?

Sound like
a crime syndicate to me.

No, no, no,
it's near Madagascar.

In the Mozambique Channel.

Karen!
You are my sister!

Which means you are one drop!

One drop what?

[All] She's Black!

Oh, and proud!

I had to pull an all-nighter.

Ah, me and my third husband used
to do those quite often.

Takes a lot of endurance.

So, here's your, um, Roots,
Shaka Zulu,

and Shaft in Africa.

And here's your Motown
collection, Vinny.

-Alright.
-I can just about

snap on the beat.

Hold on, Angela Doofus.

Just because you got
a smidgen of us

and a goo-gobs of them,

it, it don't mean you in, okay?

Exploring who you are
is exciting.

I remember when I found out
my grandmother

was a nutritionist
for the Tuskegee Airmen.

Made me feel proud.

You not gonna leave me
that far behind!

I knew it was the end of
your 50-foot run

when you stopped at
that doughnut shop, Mr. Brown.

I'll have you to know these are
diet doughnuts.

Hey Vinny, I see it says here
that you two share roots

in the same origin.

Huh?
Maybe you're distant cousins.

Man, don't make me vomit up in
this room right here.

How many white people do you
know

who would be happy to know
they are part Black?

Uh, Eminem, Vanilla Ice,
uh, Michael McDonald, and, uh...

Teena Marie.

Yeah, yeah.
Mm-hm, mm-hm.

Well, who would've thought that
I had roots in Africa?

Who would've thought?
Who woulda?

I have so many questions.

Well, ask away.

I'm here for you, honey.

Oh, thank you, Anastasia.

Now, do we prefer Black or
African American?

Girl, ask them.

Okay, uh, look,
look here, Karen,

you know you can change
the, the little check mark

on your application now?

'Cause you one drop.

Yeah, and if you do that,

you gon' have to change the name
of the museum

to the Broke, Busted,
and Disgusted.

Well, maybe that's what I'll
call

my proposed exhibit,

-and it'll feature you, Vinny.
-What the?

Hey, another donation!

I am $1,000 away from my goal
of building my first well

for Grow and Raise the Roots!

See, Efe, that's why you
a good person.

The Lord is pleased with you.

He gon' put a check by your name
in Heaven.

You think the Lord can change
the water into wine

and we could have a party?

I know some freaks.

You know, he gon' put a skull
by your name

and send you to Hell.

Oh, I've been there.
They party.

-You just hateful.
-I try bein' nice,

but heathen comes out.

You just hateful and heathen.

[Karen] I call my exhibit
The Unforgotten,

featuring African artists
whose works were plundered

by the colonial empires
and sold.

There are many paintings
and, uh, stripweave textiles

from the southeast.

You have many wonderful artists
here!

Yes, I studied them all
many years ago.

Ahh, you will make
an excellent curator.

-Oh, thank you!
-No, my sister,

this is wonderful.

[wacky music]

[Anastasia] If you need help
screwing that in, let me know.

I've got really soft hands
and a tight grip.

I'll have that knob ready to go
in no time.

Ms. Anastasia, leave those hunks
alone.

They have a lot of work to do
around here.

I know.

There's nothing like watching
a hard man do hard work.

Yeah?

Oh, wow.
Mm.

Mm...

If you wanna work on me next,
just bring your hammer

and I'll be the nail.

-Leah?
-Yeah?

What is the incredible bulk
doin' in my kitchen

and Arnold Schwartzenegro
doin' in my bedroom?

Alright, you know what?
See?

I noticed how busy you were,

so I thought I'd just, you know,
outsource your honey-do list.

Well, your honey-didn't-do
list, actually.

See?
They almost done.

Only two boxes left to check
off.

The storage room, and ooh,
my Leanin' Tower of Sleep bed!

-Mm-mm, no.
-Yes.

Mr. Chunky ain't touchin'
my bed slats, no way.

Why not?

I mean, you don't seem to care

that I end up wakin' up on
the floor.

Thank, thank you.
Um...

I'm experienced in breaking
beds.

I'll have you safe, stable,
and firm in no time.

-Wow.
-And we'll be sure to

test it out for you
when we're done.

Oh, great!

What you mean, great?

That's, that's sexual harassment
right there.

What you mean, test it out
when you're...?

Look, man, you got to go.

You, Mr. Cradle Cap...

-Oh my God.
-Hey, hey, get outta here.

Come on.

Mr. Swole-for-No-Reason?

Grab your tools, beat it.

What?
Ain't nobody scared of y'all.

What, y'all gonna jump me?

-Alright, okay.
-Hey...

Huh?
He was big.

Yeah, he was, but look at him,
look at her, look at her.

Ms. Anastasia.

What are you doing?

Oh my goodness.

Okay, babe, listen,

but I don't wanna wait another
three months

to get our bed fixed.

Three months, you know I can do
this in three minutes.

Uh...

You think so?

-Yes.
-Mm.

You, you, you need some help?

Nah, I just gotta get
a better grip.

I've got a good grip.

No need to use it now,
since you kicked out

my future ninth and tenth
husbands.

Yeesh.

You know what, babe?

Actually, can you, um,
go to the garage

and get my gloves, please?

Oh, it's, is it too heavy?

No, no, no, I just don't wanna
get splinters.

-Mm-hm.
-Oh, splinters, okay.

Well, those guys carried it in
barehanded,

and, um, yeah, they didn't need
any help.

Please go to the garage
and grab my gloves, thank you.

-Going to garage...
-[Jeremy] Thanks.

-To grab your gloves.
-Yes.

-Please and thank you.
-Mm-hm, yes.

-You gon' fix my bed?
-Yep.

-I got it.
-Okay.

Just go get the gloves, please.

Okay.

Ms., Ms. Anastasia?

Philip!
Philip!

Yes, Dad?

Hurry up and help me with this
before your mother come back.

Ah, I can't.

Chilecia doesn't like
calloused hands.

Why don't you get one of them
Michelin men to do it?

Because I told your mother
I would do it.

Okay, then why you askin' me?

Do you wanna eat again?!

Come on, man.
Grab it!

[Philip] Don't throw out
your back.

-You good?
-Yeah!

Where we takin' 'em?

To the bed.

[smooth music]

This the kid who was raised
by a robot.

Presumably, he's programmed to
identify stupid

before a person opens
their mouth.

That's Mr. Brown's life story.
I've seen this several times.

Ugh, $1,000 short of
my donation goal.

-Oh...
-[Vinny] Mm.

Ah, hey, there's my sister!

Ah!
How did it go, hm?

Come on, chill out,
read the room.

When a woman walks in the room
lookin' that wore out,

either she's had a bad day

or Vinny put it on her, man.

My proposed exhibit went
flawlessly,

and I answered every question
correctly.

So, why so glum?

Well, things just didn't turn
out the way I'd planned.

[indistinct],

I'm so sorry things didn't work
out the way you wanted.

Because they turned out better!

You're looking at the new
part-time museum curator!

Oh, dream come true!

Well done!

And that's not the best part.

You're movin' out?

I told them about your campaign,
Efe.

And they made a donation!

$1,000 to Grow and
Raise the Root?!

Yes!

It's enough to build my well!

Oh, thank you so much!

You know what, Karen?

You might be alright after all,
girl.

The struggle is real.

Don't mind him, Karen.

[groovy music]

Baby!
What are you doin'?

Yeah, I'm doin' that
Hunky Dude workout,

I, uh, followed them on IG.

You got a little jealous,
didn't you?

They ain't got nothin' on this.

I picked up the wood planks by
myself with one hand.

Oh, okay, then.

Ah... Mom,
do you have any hand exfoliant?

Them wood planks gave me
callouses,

and Chilecia won't even hold
my hand.

Ah, you picked up
those wood planks

with one hand, alright.

Was I, was I not supposed to say
nothin'?

Get out.

Alright, look, I'm sorry I
didn't pay more attention

to your honey-do list.

Mm-hm.
Apology accepted.

Hey, I say we change your name
from honey-do list

to honey-let's-do-it list.

You better get back to
your workout, boy.

Nah, bench pressin' your wife
is step number two.

Oh okay, well, you know you
like big girls,

so you better get your weight
up.

Yup, I'm ready.

Now that you are African,
or have African blood,

I'm going to teach you a dance,
okay?

For old people like us.

It's called Etighi.

-Etighi.
-Etighi.

-Etighi.
-Hey!

Okay, so keep your hand like
this,

and keep your leg straight.

And you're going to use your
hip.

Hip, lift your leg up.

One, two, one, two,
one, two, one, two.

Hey, hey!
Yes!

Hey, look at you!

With the hip, don't break it.

With your hand.

Ah, you're too African!

Well done.
Okay, okay.

Now the next dance I'm going to
teach you

is Azonto.

You know, I've only been Black
for 24 hours.

So, I think one is enough.

Okay, okay, okay.
We'll stick to Etighi?

-Okay.
-Etighi.

Hey, Etighi.
Hey, Etighi.

[music]

[music]

[music]