Original subtitles

-New president of the board? -I guess so by default.

[cheering]

You do know this is your great granddaddy's house, don't you?

I mean, I just got that new stereo.

The car doors are wide open

and just wires and everything hangin' out.

Grandpa Vinny's a selfish man and he owes me a new car stereo!

Efe, where you running off to this time of night?

A fabulous place called mind your business.

Someone get me lyin' Louise's real name.

Louise Laroux.

Her and her evil sister were in cahoots the whole time.

Happy Valentine's Day, baby.

[Cora] Oh, look at you.

That moment should be kept private.

Valentine's Day was very special for them.

Baby, you be all over the place.

So this is my fault?

Yeah, but it never pays to play the victim, Son.

-I'm Jeremy. -My name is Karen.

Of course it is.

-You! -You!

Don't you dare play that race card with me.

I don't have a racist bone in my body.

What are people giving you money for, Philip?

Yeah, yeah, bro, let's go.

Do your parents know you're leaving?

I don't care, bro. Let's go.

[music]

-Mornin', babe. -You okay?

-That little boy got me-- -Now, Jeremy!

Up!

Listen, I thought a good night's sleep

might calm you down.

Ooh, ooh, I swear Miss Cora must be praying for me.

She gotta be.

Why do you say that, baby?

'Cause I was gonna choke him.

I was gonna put my hands around his little neck

and I was gonna squeeze it till his head popped off.

That's why the old folks used to say,

"I'm gonna wring his neck."

I was about to wring his-- neck.

Jeremy. Baby, look, okay.

I must say I was surprised he was still standing,

but you did good, baby. All good.

Uh-uh, I'm losing it.

Losing what? Your mind?

Nah, my grip.

Just the fact that he thought he could challenge me like that

lets me know I'm losing my grip.

I wouldn't say that, Jeremy. Philip respects you.

Nah, nah. He don't respect me.

He don't think I will stick this size 12 up his ass.

-I lost my grip. -You're supposed to lose it.

-Hmm? -He is a teenager, baby.

All parents lose their grip a little when their kids begin

to grow up and find themselves.

Yeah, he's gonna find his ass on the ground next time

he try me like that.

Good morning. Good morning.

Good morning, you beautiful people.

-Good morning. -Good morning, Judge.

Judge Junie, you in a good mood this morning.

I finally got a good night's sleep.

'Cause Philip wasn't up all night on that Flip Tock?

It was heaven.

I really wanna thank you two for putting a stop to that.

You know what, Judge, I wanna apologize for that again.

I don't know what's wrong with that boy.

We taught him better than that.

It's okay. You forget.

I'm a parent myself. It is not easy.

No, it is not.

Actually, both of y'all are wrong.

It's gonna be real easy for me. It's gonna be hard for Philip

if he don't get his act together around here.

Speaking of my angel, where is he?

-That's it. -Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy!

Don't go in there with that energy, baby!

Oh, Lord, help us here this morning.

[music]

Philip! Philip, boy, you're late for work again.

What did I tell you about being late?

Philip! [knocking on door]

Philip.

Now both of y'all take a breath. Huh?

Well, where's Philip?

Baby, he made his bed, so maybe he's learning his lesson.

Nah, he done lost his damn mind.

What happened? Where's Philip?

-What have you done with my son? -I didn't do nothin' to him yet.

Look, read this.

"Mom and Dad, I thought about what you guys said.

"If I can't be a man under your roof, then it's...

"...time for me to not live here.

Thanks. It's been real." Jeremy...

Jeremy, oh my God.

[music]

♪ No matter what you do, I love you ♪

♪ No matter where you go, I'm behind you for sure ♪

♪ Always remember, blood ain't never water ♪

♪ We'll make it if we stay together ♪

[music]

Jeremy, this letter.

Well, yeah, the last line.

Yeah, that was a bit over the top.

"It's been real."

He could have done better than that.

-Jeremy, would you stop it? -Nah, he's a corn ball.

Straight corn ball, L-seven.

Jeremy... Jeremy Davante Washington.

Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come on now.

You know how I don't like you using my whole name like that.

Don't do that. Don't do that.

You better find my son! And you better find him now!

I mean it!

Or else I'm never talking to you again!

What?

That's so dramatic, both of y'all.

"Never talking to you again."

[music]

Good morning, good morning, Judge Junie.

Cora, good morning.

-How are you? -All right.

-You're here bright and early. -Yes, I am.

I have a ton of paperwork I gotta go through.

I've got an annual inspection coming up.

-[Leah] Cora. -Hey, Leah.

Have you seen Philip?

Oh, no, baby. I just got here.

Is everything okay?

No, no. Everything's not okay.

Wait a minute. What happened?

He's gone.

Well... Well, where is he?

[Jeremy] We don't know where Philip is.

What do you mean, Jeremy, you don't know where he is?

He's not here. He didn't sleep here last night.

Well, where do you think he is?

I don't know. I have no idea.

We told him if he wanted to live under our roof,

he has to follow our rules.

That's what my mother used to say as well.

Yeah, well, he decided he didn't want to follow the rules.

-What you say? Really? -He left this note.

What is it? Oh, my.

-He ran away? -No, he didn't.

Where is my baby?

[music]

-Hey. Good morning, Mr. Brown. -What's so good about it?

You okay, Leroy?

Nah, the whole town's laughing at me.

-Laughing at you? -Who's laughing at you?

They sayin', "How can this fool let somebody so good get away?"

What are you talking about, Mr. Brown?

It looks like another love TKO.

Looks like he's been listening to his Teddy Pendergrass LPs.

Teddy understands my pain.

I ain't gonna never love again. Never.

Calm down, Mr. Brown.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Trouble in paradise?

Are you in Ms. Kimberly not seeing eye-to-eye?

Well, all I can think about was just the good times we shared.

-Well, Mr. Brown-- -I get lonely.

-It is your lucky day. -Well, it don't feel lucky.

Nonsense.

If anyone can help you win Ms. Kimberly's heart back,

-it's me. -You?

You know, Kimberly, she a woman of Virgo.

And you, no disrespectin', but you nasty.

You mean virtue, Mr. Brown.

And don't be so quick to write off Ms. Anastasia.

She-she-she can help you. She has a lot of experience.

You right.

You do have a lot of experience doing love.

You-you got a lot.

You could write a book, you know?

Like, you could write and then you could write

the sequels to the book.

-And then write a trilogy. -I get the point, Mr. Brown.

You can probably do a four-logy.

Sit down, Brown.

You could write a whole bunch of books.

Girl.

You done been used more than a car, a used car.

Twenty times, a thousand, you know,

you put down more than that basketball player.

Not that many times?

More people done had turns on you than a doorknob.

Shut up!

-Mr. Brown. -Easy spread like peanut butter.

Oh, oh, okay, okay. Tell me what happened.

One day she quit me.

[music]

[music]

Jeremy, we should call the police.

Please. That boy ain't been gone long enough

for no police report.

But Jeremy, you don't know where he is.

I know he's fine.

How can you be so sure of that?

Oh, I'm sure of it.

How can you be so sure, Jeremy?

Because he's not here with me.

If he was, then you'd be able to call the police.

I'd beat his head in.

I'll tell you what, if one hair on my baby's head is harmed,

it's gonna be me and you.

Please. He gonna be lucky if his head is still attached to

his body when I'm done with him.

Jeremy, you shouldn't say stuff like that.

[doorbell rings]

Mom, Dad.

What is it, baby girl?

Uh, have you guys seen Philip?

We're looking for him.

Why?

I got worried.

Have you talked to him?

No, but he sent me a message asking to borrow some money.

So stupid.

Borrow some money for what, baby?

Well, he said that dad was an ass--

Uh, I--

I think I should keep some things in confidence.

Nah, he said I was what?

Look, come on, baby. Go on, go on.

Uh, and that-- Oh, yeah.

-He's leaving to Mexico. -Mexico?

Mexico? Baby, do something!

Yeah, I'ma do something all right.

I'ma do something. Let me see that phone.

-What? -Yeah, let me see the phone.

Stop. Mom, help.

Jeremy, would you stop it?

Leave the girl's phone alone. This is serious.

No, no, no.

I gotta see what he said about me.

What'd he say? Let me see.

I'm too old for you to be going through my phone.

When did y'all think y'all became grown?

When I turned 18.

Eighteen ain't grown in my house,

especially when I pay for the phone.

Really, Dad?

I'll give you the $75 if you need it that bad.

-Give it to me. -I'll give it to you later.

Look, isn't this what has your youngest on his way to Mexico?

Jeremy, I'm really concerned about this Mexico thing.

Please, that boy ain't in no Mexico.

How do you know, Jeremy?

Because he can't even find Mexico on the map.

And you need a passport to go to Mexico. Hello.

He don't have a passport?

That boy barely got a driver's license.

I can actually vouch for Dad on this one.

Well, look, Jeremy, you don't seem too worried.

Yeah. You must know where he is.

I have an idea.

Me, too.

You know where he is, Sandra?

Promise you won't get mad?

Baby girl.

You know you can tell me anything.

Okay. I think he might be at his girlfriend's.

Girlfriend? I'm gonna kill him!

You said you weren't gonna get mad.

You didn't say girlfriend!

We're on the same page now. Come on, give me some.

Oh, my gosh, if he and that girl--Oh my, um...

He's not at Chilecia's house.

Because he's always gotta get all dripped out or dripped on.

Whatever it is before he go over there.

But you don't know where he is.

Look, Philip ain't got but what? Three friends?

And only one of them likes him enough and is stupid enough

to go along with his plot.

Who?

Hint.

When you see them together, you think, dumb and dumber.

Dumb and dumber?

Come on, y'all, this is easy.

Every time Philip gets in trouble, who's with him?

He failed chemistry just like Philip.

He has the brain the size of a gnat.

And when you see him you think, the light's on,

but ain't nobody home.

Hmm...

[door closes]

Hey, everybody.

Oh!

Speak of the devil.

[music]

[music]

Oh, thank God.

Let me handle this. Everybody, sit down, relax.

-Chill out. -All right.

Jeremy, you better find my son.

I got it.

Sorry, I'm late, everybody, but I got a router.

Now I'm gonna work on the internet connection.

Hey, Sandra. What up, shawty?

-How you doin'? -Not now, love birds.

Lindor, you got something you wanna tell me?

To tell you? No, not that I can think of.

You okay?

Uh, I'm okay. I've been better.

Are you still bloated, Mr. Washington?

Actually, I got my great auntie's gas pills

I can give you. I brought them for you.

Lindor, cut the shit. Where's Philip?

Philip, where is he?

-He's not here? -You know he's not here.

Lindor, you haven't seen Philip?

You better not lie to that boy's mother.

Okay, I'm confused. We don't know where Philip is?

Lindor, if you know the whereabouts of this young man,

you need to say something.

Yes. His parents are worried sick.

You really haven't seen him, Lindor?

No, I haven't seen him today.

You know, you know, he's probably at school, you know?

We should probably check school.

It's Saturday, dumbass.

See, Jeremy, you were wrong. Philip ain't with Lindor.

I think we should call the police now, guys.

Oh, police?

Hey, hey, hey, everybody just please, please sit down.

Sit down. Sit down, Miss Cora.

I got this. Please have a seat.

Yeah, everybody sit down.

-He-he-he's-- -Dumb.

Lindor, uh, Philip said that he was going to your house

and he had my briefcase, and in my briefcase is my wallet.

And I can't go anywhere without my wallet,

so I'm thinking I'm just gonna call the police.

No, Mr. Washington, I swear he didn't have a briefcase

when he came over last night. It was just his backpack.

-What the hell? -See? Dumb and dumber.

Damn, that's not fair, Mr. Washington.

Man, you tricked me.

Lindor, I can't believe you lied to us.

Look, no, I didn't lie, Ms. Leah.

Well, it sounded like a lie to me, Lindor.

-No, no, no, no, no. -Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no, no, no, no. I said I didn't see him today.

And I didn't see him today.

He was still sleeping when I left the house.

A lie of omission is a lie nonetheless.

That's right.

Okay, look, everybody, I'm sorry.

Philip swore me to secrecy.

Okay. Are you worried about getting in trouble with Philip

or with us?

You know what? I give up.

I give up.

Go get my son and tell him to bring his ass home.

Yes, sir.

You got one hour to get Philip back here

or all of us are gonna whoop your ass.

-Mm-hmm. -Even me.

-Miss Cora? -That's what I said!

Yep, you don't want her to take that wig off.

You see them heels?

She'll stomp you out with them.

I'll be right back.

[music]

[Mr. Brown] Okay. I sent the text message.

I sent her flowers. And then I sent her a voicemail.

-Okay, good job. -Mm-hmm.

Okay, uh, now what?

-You wait. -Wait?

Well, what if she still don't wanna talk to me?

She will.

Women are beautiful vessels, Mr. Brown.

They are more loving and forgiving than we men are.

You sent a heartfelt message, a text, sent flowers.

She will see your heart.

I hope so.

I feel terrible. I let that ole dumb Lindor

talk me into sending a whole text message

talking about doing love. I'm a deacon.

I ain't finna be doing no love.

I wouldn't be sending no message talking about sexting

over the "immernet".

-I forgive you, Leroy. -Shut up!

How long have you been standing there?

Long enough.

Hi, Efe. Hi, Anastasia.

Nice to see you.

Mr. Brown has been so distraught.

He's been listening to Teddy Pendergrass all night.

I love Teddy Pendergrass!

What? See, we got a lot in common!

-We do! -Yeah.

You wanna go get some ice cream?

At our usual spot?

Can I have a hug?

[both laughing]

I'll be right here.

[music]

Hey, Mr. Washington. I got him.

Yeah man, you had about three minutes left.

Yeah, I'm sorry, sir.

Your son is hard-headed.

Are we good? I got it.

Yeah. All right.

You wanted to see me?

You, uh, call yourself running away?

Something like that.

What's gotten into you, man?

I was mad.

Okay. Well, we gonna learn to control your madness

right here, right now, today.

Yes, sir.

Look, I'm sorry, but I'm not a kid anymore.

You are a kid. You're my kid.

See, you don't even respect me.

Philip, I do respect you,

but not when you're acting like a brat.

It feels like you and Mom don't even hear me.

Son, do you think I love you?

Yes.

You sure of it?

Yes.

Do you think I'd ever do anything to hurt you?

No.

And you believe that I'll always have your back, right?

Yes.

Okay, so you need to know that when I tell you something,

it's for your own good.

But, but Dad, I'm a man now.

I know you think you're a man.

I know you lost your virginity now and all that.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Yeah, but you're still young. And you have a lot to learn.

Yeah.

Sit down. Let me ask you something.

If you had a young kid, right?

And you approach a busy intersection,

and he wants to run out into traffic?

-Would you let him? -No.

And what if he hollers and screams and he says,

"You treat me like a kid." Then would you let him?

-No. -Why?

-Because-- -Because you're smarter

and wiser, and you know more than he does, right?

Yeah.

Son, I ain't gonna never let you just run out in traffic.

-You got me? -Yeah.

Good.

Now go tell your mother you're home.

She's worried sick about you.

Yes, sir.

And Philip...

I love you, Son.

I love you, too.

That's my boy.

Mexico.

[music]

[music]

[music]