Original subtitles

Traducerea Costy Busuioc

[THROAT SINGING]

[WOODPECKER PECKS]

[THROAT SINGING CONTINUES]

[WINGS FLUTTER]

[WINGS FLUTTER]

[WHIRRING]

[SNORTING AND SNUFFLING]

[CROWS CAW]

The preacher!

Alexander MacBeath.

Heretics!

- Pluckless scunners! - [THEY CLAMOUR]

- [KNIFE THUDS] - [SHE GASPS]

- [SPINNING WHEEL SLICES] - Ah!

[MEN GRUNT]

Ya fud! [SHE WINCES]

[DOG GROWLS]

- No, George! - [DOG GROWLS]

George!

Staw, I'll spaive ya!

[DISTANT CROWS CAW]

What time is it?

[THROAT SINGING]

[SHEEP BAA]

[SHE PANTS]

- Yes! - [CROWD CHEERS]

Aye, I thought so.

That auld spinster is nae gonna miss this.

Ha'ing a picnic, pet?

MARION: Did you go to the last one?

No, terrible.

They died straight away.

Didn't even see 'em shite themsel'.

You're no' a covenanter, are ye?

You think he's a holy man?

He'll be "holey" when they're done wi' him.

Aw, ya bam, ye reek of fish.

Of course I do, ya ninny. I'm a fishwife.

- Silence! - [CROWD HUSHES]

[TURKEY GOBBLES]

This be the heretic...

Alexander Macbeath.

[CROWD JEERS AND BOOS]

[MUNCHING]

Some fanatics... may think him a man o' God.

A prophet.

[CROWD MURMURS]

A witch!

[CROWD HISSES AND MOANS]

He is but a man!

[CROWD BOOS]

[DIVINE MUSIC]

My God.

[MUNCHING]

- [THUDDING] - [HE GRUNTS]

[CROWD GASPS]

You're my only fanatic.

Aye.

[BIRD CHIRPS]

Will we see each other again?

Aye.

In your dreams.

No! You cannae die.

- On behalf of the King... - We've only just met!

I sentence ye to be broken on the wheel.

- Yes! - [CROWD CHEERS]

[SHE GASPS]

OFFICER: Your limbs will be snapped.

- [CROWD GASPS] - Your hands, feet, and baws

parted frae your body

and then ye will be hanged at the neck.

Wheesht, stop ya baaing!

- OFFICER: Then burned! - [CROWD TITTERS]

Flayed!

Then your head parted from your neck.

And placed on a spike...

at Edinburgh's gates.

Is that everything?

- Yes! - [POLEAXES SWING]

Come on!

Tie him to the wheel!

- [AGNES GASPS] - Heretic!

- Let me speak! - [CROWD GASPS]

I had plans...

for something much bigger scale than this.

No matter.

In your dreams, I'll have my immortality.

So remember when I say...

- No! - He who lives...

- [DOG BARKS] - No, George!

- [LOUD SPLAT] - [CROWD GASPS]

Hm.

- [POLEAXE CREAKS] - [CROWD GASPS]

[CROWD GROANS]

[SHE GASPS]

[BODY THUDS]

I will...

find you.

Kill him!

[DIVINE MUSIC]

[SHE SCREAMS]

[SCREAMING FADES]

[SHE SCOFFS] What an eejit.

[BIRD CHIRPS]

[BIRDS SING]

AGNES [VO]: I feel...

dead inside.

Shall I fetch you a tonic, Mistress?

No. No.

Oh, go on then.

What ails thee, Mistress?

It is hard to explain to a servant.

But I shall try...

though it be fruitless.

Don't bother yourself, Mistress, I must clean the grate.

I have everything I have ever wanted.

Fine teeth.

My books.

A handsome house.

[CAT MEOWS]

A hale and hearty husband, who is oft absent,

and any trinket my heart desires, but...

I cannot help but seem to grieve.

For something I have lost.

Is it your dil doul, Mistress, for I found it under the bed?

No! It is not my dil doul!

Please do not use such a word.

If alone, Mistress, there's much to be said for enjoying yourself.

It is not mine!

Please dust it off and put it back where you found it.

I speak not of the body, Meg, but of the soul.

I am missing something.

And even I know not what it is.

I wish I could find it for you, Mistress.

I do not know that it is possible to fill this hole, Meg.

Do not say it.

Even with a dil doul.

It is like a memory...

a yearning.

To return somewhere I have not yet been.

Do you see what I mean?

No.

Of course you do not. You have the mind of a lamb.

Mine is not that much bigger, but...

yet still I trouble myself.

We are all prisoners of our destiny, Mistress.

- Can I have that tonic? - Oh.

[GLASS CLINKS]

Another.

[CAT MEOWS]

- [WHIP CRACKS] - [HORSE NEIGHS]

[NEIGHING ECHOES]

George...

- [DOOR BANGS] - [HE GROWLS]

[DOG YAPS]

[HE GRUNTS]

[BOOMING FOOTSTEPS]

[HEAVY BREATHING]

[HE GRUNTS]

- [SHE GASPS] - [HE BELCHES AND GROWLS]

[HE GRUNTS]

[HE GROWLS]

[CRUNCHING AND CHEWING]

Mm.

[HE GRUNTS]

[ANIMALISTIC GROWLING]

AGNES [VO]: George! No!

- [POLEAXE SLICES] - [DOG YAPS]

AGNES [VO]: George...

[HE BURPS] Your head.

- My head? - Get it measured!

A new wig for the ball, my dove!

One that is not so terrible... small.

- [ANIMALISTIC GROWLING] - [KNIFE THUDS]

- Come, Scipio. - [CHAIR SCREECHES]

Get the door, man!

[DOOR OPENS]

- Stop! - DRIVER: Whoa!

Lester!

Get me out of here.

I was told the wig shop, Mistress.

I wish to take the Epping path.

LESTER: It's crawling with footpads.

We'll take our chance.

- [WHIP CRACKS] - [HOOVES CLOP]

[SHE GASPS]

[DIVINE MUSIC]

Hey, stop!

[HE YELLS] I said stop!

Stop!

Stop!

[HE GRUNTS]

[SHE GASPS]

[DIVINE MUSIC]

I know him.

- I know him! - [WHEELS SCREECH]

- [LOUD THUD] - Ooh!

Ugh...

Why didn't you stop when I asked?

That Toby would snabble your privy purse.

Chance would be a fine thing.

[BIRD CHIRPS]

[THEY GIGGLE]

I am in love.

Is that for me?

Lester! Look how cute!

So beautiful!

Meg. Meg. Meg.

I saw my beloved.

He knew me...

as I know him. I...

do not know how it is possible, but...

it is no dream.

MEG: Shh, Mistress!

But I fear your death.

I know not why.

Meg, I was dead.

But now I am reborn.

What have I to fear?

- Your husband. - [DISTANT WOLF HOWLS]

Yes, there is that.

He's asked me to warm the marital bed.

Oh, my Lord...

Yes, yes, he is.

No...

Oh, what am I to do?

Your duty.

Meg, why would you say such a thing!

- I'm a servant. - He's a dog!

Meg! I cannot explain it.

He's a dog...

[SHE SIGHS]

Save yourself.

[CREAKING FOOTSTEPS]

[ANIMALISTIC GROWLING]

[DOOR OPENS]

[HE BARKS]

[ANIMALISTIC GROWLING]

- [HE GRUNTS] - [MATCH STRIKES]

[HE GROWLS]

[HE WHISTLES]

[HE GRUNTS]

Are you loyal to me?

[SHE YAPS]

Good.

Good girl.

[HE GROWLS]

Every dog has his day.

[HE GROANS]

- [MEATY SQUELCH] - [FLIES BUZZ]

- [ANIMALISTIC GROWLING] - [SHE SCREAMS]

[IRON BARS CLANK]

[DISTORTED GROWLING]

[SHE GASPS]

[BIRDS SING OUTSIDE]

It saddens me to see a pretty bird caged.

How else would one enjoy the bird?

I'm not talking about the bird.

Well, what are you talking about?

I'm talking about you, madam.

Why don't you just say "you" instead of a bird?

It was a metaphor.

I don't understand what that is.

It doesn't matter.

God made me a shadow, Mistress.

Sometimes it serves me, more often it does not.

Well, you're not a slave.

We're all slaves, Mistress.

I am not.

[HE LAUGHS]

[HE CHUCKLES]

En garde.

Scipio, um...

you know I'm your mistress? You should not beat me.

Man's fortune turns on a wheel.

Those at the bottom will one day be on the top.

And vice versa.

Yes, but a woman will never be on top.

Not in my experience.

- [SWORDS CLASH] - [THEY GRUNT]

Don't you want to try freedom?

I like my dresses.

I like my gardens, and my books.

I like owning things!

You could overthrow him.

No, he's very fat.

He will not own me!

You know what happens to revolutionaries.

What?

- They lose their... - Death is just change.

What are you afraid of?

[SWORD SWISHES]

[BIRD CHIRPS]

Fly, my spirit...

fly!

Fly, you cunt.

- [HARPSICHORD MUSIC] - [BIRD CHIRPS]

- [THUNDER CRACKS] - [WOLF HOWLS]

[DOOR CREAKS]

Come to bed.

I am not a dog,

and I will not be commanded.

What?

[SHE GASPS]

[HE SCOFFS]

- She dies at the end. - [SHE YELPS]

They always do.

You do not want me to be Enlightened!

- I do not, madam! - [MUSIC RESUMES]

What good is an Enlightened woman?

Brain rot!

I'd sooner a rotted brain

than a rotted cock!

[THUNDER CRACKS]

[HE GROWLS]

I think this is what they call "burning passion".

Hm?

[FLAMES ROAR ANIMALISTICALLY]

AGNES [VO]: My heart burns wilder than any bonfire.

'Tis an animal!

- I beg you not to do this. - Beast!

Mistress, your beautiful home, your dresses,

all your lovely little trinkets!

Pass me the choker.

No.

Do you love me?

[LAUGHTER ECHOES]

Yes.

Then let me go.

MEG: Wait!

Wait!

[HORSE NEIGHS]

Again! Once more, Lester!

Again.

Once more, Lester!

[DOG BARKS]

Again! Once more, Lester.

- Tally-ho! - Ah...

MAN OUTSIDE: Stop!

- [HORSE NEIGHS] - I said stop!

You hairy buffoon!

It's me he wants.

Stand down!

What a coincidence.

W... What do y...

Ahem!

[IN DEEP VOICE] What do you mean?

You wish to rob me?

Well, um...

aye.

Thank you.

[HORSE SNORTS]

We have met before.

I think you fancy some other fork.

Well, he looked like you.

Smelled like you.

[SHE SNIFFS]

[SHE COUGHS]

Well, your nozzle looks familiar,

now you come to mention it.

[HORSE SNORTS]

We need a secret codeword, say...

"mushrooms".

I... I don't have a mind for words.

You're right.

Fuck words.

LESTER: oh, what's she doing now?

That woman is deranged.

In my dreams...

women sigh at my name.

Men fill their britches.

I fly like an owl.

- An owl? - Yes.

An owl.

Through the night.

And I'm never caught.

Immortal.

Alive in the songs that folk sing around the fire.

I think...

you have real potential.

You are the only one.

But, er, sadly I lack one thing...

I will buy it for you.

- Fame. - Oh.

I... I cannot buy fame.

You heard of me?

Alex o' Nine Ribbons?

Oh, yeah... Oh!

No.

But, but... save me

from my empty existence

and I will give you your dreams.

[HORSE NEIGHS IN DISTANCE]

- [DISTANT SHOUT] - Tell people of my name.

[LOUD THUD]

[SHE GASPS]

[WHIP CRACKS]

[ANIMALISTIC GROWLING]

Gemini.

The Man In The Iron Mask.

Rhododendrons.

Red.

Being shot.

Hot dogs.

Mushrooms. [VOICE DISTORTS]

[SHE GASPS] Mushrooms...

[CAT MEOWS]

[DOOR OPENS]

Now my family jewels are gone,

what will you wear to the ball, hm? Rags?

Rosehips from the garden?

- This? - [CAT YOWLS]

I will catch the blaggard myself

and I will hang him from a noose in the garden!

Now tell me his name.

Tell me his name!

Alex O' Nine Ribbons.

- Who the fuck is that? - Alex O' Nine Ribbons!

You asked me his name! That's his name.

GEORGE: I've never heard of him.

AGNES: You'll never catch him!

He fled on a stallion as swift as midnight, over the seas to France.

GEORGE: Lies!

I don't fancy he'll steal old boots,

not now your pole hole has the Scotch pox.

Ooh! [HE CACKLES]

I have given away everything.

My gems...

my honour...

and now even my mossy treasure has gone off.

Bring me Geoffrey.

[BABY COOS]

He hates me as well!

[MEG MURMURS] Mummy's just hurt...

[DOOR SHUTS]

I have nothing left.

[SHE GASPS]

I've been here before...

and will be again.

[HE GRUNTS]

Nothing that can't be fixed!

Good as new.

[DEVICE SQUEAKS]

[SOUND OF HORSES GALLOPING]

[WOLF HOWLS]

Another.

For the cat to eat.

I'll eat that cat one day.

[CLASSICAL MUSIC]

[GUESTS LAUGH AND CHATTER]

[WOMEN LAUGH]

[DISTORTED VOICE] Yeah...

[GUESTS CHATTER]

Is that gundiguts your husband?

He looks like bull beef.

Mushrooms?

I do not speak your language.

You kept my heart.

- My heart! - Your husband will see me.

Swing. Quickly!

[HE GROWLS]

You look like an arse.

It's a heart.

- Do you not like it? - No.

I did what you asked.

Your name is pon everyone's lips!

- I leave for France. - Take me with you.

You'd be too much weight.

You steal my honour and my baubles,

but you are yet to steal me.

I owe you nothing.

I be but a good, honest thief!

I have changed your fortunes.

Now you must change mine.

[GEORGE GROWLS]

[GUESTS LAUGH]

I'm really sorry, I had no idea!

I will hang him from a noose...

- and you... - [GUESTS LAUGH]

Poxy whore!

You come here!

[SHE SOBS]

- Brute! - [HE GROWLS]

Come. Here!

Where's my hopes of a peerage now, hm?

Disappeared up your brown, madam, along with my honour!

Mangle riddled with rot like a frog's broom!

[SHE SCREECHES]

[HE WAILS]

[SHE SCREECHES]

- Ah! - [FLESHY SQUELCH]

[WHIMPERING]

You've taken my nose!

[HE GROANS]

[HE GASPS]

[HE GAGS]

[GEORGE GROANS]

I'll save you.

Mushrooms.

Scipio.

GEORGE: I'm surrounded by thieves!

I'll deal with you later.

Aggie!

I won't let you leave me!

AGNES: You said there was a way out.

SCIPIO: Yes. Death. Your death.

AGNES: But it's so final.

Agnes!

- SCIPIO: Not necessarily. - AGNES: Are you sure?

SCIPIO: What have you got to lose?

AGNES: I hope you're right.

You slut!

I now know what a fool I was,

to trust my fortunes to such a...

such a...

fustiluggs mopsey!

You can kill me.

But I will return.

I cannot tell you how I know...

but I will come back.

If you do...

I will hunt you down till the end of time.

Au revoir.

You know I don't speak German.

Romance is dead.

[HE YELLS]

- [BLOOD SQUIRTS] - [HEAD ROLLS]

[AGNES SCREAMS]

[CHILDREN'S LAUGHTER ECHOES]

[BELL TOLLS]

[CROWS CAW]

[MAN WHISTLES]

- [WHIP CRACKS] - Hyah!

Sir...

Sir!

DRIVER: Hyah!

[HE CHUCKLES]

Sir!

- [WHIP CRACKS] - Alex!

[WHEEL SLICES]

[BLOOD SPLUTTERS]

[MUSIC: "DUEL" BY PROPAGANDA]

[AEROPLANE WHIRS]

♪ Eye to eye stand winners and losers ♪

♪ Hurt by envy

♪ Cut by greed

♪ Face to face with their own disillusions ♪

♪ The scars of old romances still on their cheeks ♪

♪ And when blow by blow

♪ The passion dies sweet little death ♪

♪ Just have been lies

♪ Some memories of gone by time ♪

♪ Would still recall the lies ♪

♪ The first cut won't hurt at all ♪

[MAN WOLF WHISTLES]

AGNES [VO]: I just feel like a new woman.

Confess your sins to the Lord!

♪ The third will have you...

Hey!

AGNES [VO]: A liberated woman.

♪ You start bleeding, I start screaming ♪

[MAN GROWLS]

You're gonna love it here.

♪ The first cut won't hurt at all ♪

♪ The second only makes you wonder ♪

♪ The third will have you on your knees ♪

♪ You start bleeding, I start screaming ♪

♪ The first cut won't hurt at all ♪

♪ The second only makes you... ♪

- [RECORD SCRATCHES] - Who do you think you've been?

Um, it's funny.

I get flashes of...

BOTH: Cleopatra.

How did you know?

A wild guess.

So you have visions?

Yes, I keep seeing, um...

this man.

It's like we're meant to be together,

but we keep getting separated by...

- TAROT READER: By? - AGNES: I don't know.

Bad luck?

TAROT READER: If you are reincarnated,

it's because there's something you're missing.

- Missing? - Mm-hmm.

Sometimes it takes several lifetimes, that's all.

Ha!

Look at that.

The Fool.

What does it mean?

Now, look, I would love to hang around chatting,

but I'm cooking a chicken, so...

Here's the 300 dollars.

- And, I just want to ask... - Keep going.

Hang on a minute, erm, what about my missing part?

How do I find it?

It's like cooking a chicken, you can't rush it.

You've got all of eternity, love.

- That can't be it. - Uh!

Keep your knickers on!

- [SHE SIGHS] - [DOOR OPENS]

I really don't want to...

not for another hundred years.

[MUSIC RESUMES] ♪ The first cut won't hurt at all ♪

[THEY CHUCKLE]

♪ The second only makes you wonder ♪

♪ The third will have you on your knees ♪

[HE GROANS]

You fuckin' bitch.

[WIND GUSTS]

[LOW GROWLING]

[POP MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ I have some time for you

♪ It's a mystery

♪ Why we're torn in two

- ♪ It's a mystery - New Romantic.

I remember it the first time around.

I will find you.

♪ Seems like eternity

♪ Just to be with you

♪ To be with you, oh!

♪ We play the game

♪ We dance the dance

♪ Just one more step in our romance ♪

♪ We play the game

♪ We dance the dance

♪ I stole your heart

♪ You took the chance

♪ 'Twas love and death

♪ At our first glance

♪ And even though we both must part... ♪

"Alex's fears and favourites.

"Greatest fear, being shot.

"My favourite food, hot dogs.

"My most hated food...

"mushrooms."

- [DOOR OPENS] - [DOOR BELL JINGLES]

Alex!

Alex!

Alex?

Alex!

Alex!

[HE VOCALISES]

Alex!

- Oh! - [TIN CLATTERS]

[VOCALISING CONTINUES]

- [MUSIC STOPS SUDDENLY] - [LIGHTER FLICKS]

ALEXANDER: Have you got the time?

[SHE GASPS]

[MUSIC BOX TUNE PLAYS]

Love is pain.

[ECHOING SCREAM]

[SHE GROANS]

- [CROWD CHANTS IN DISTANCE] - Agnes?

Agnes!

Agnes!

[SHE GASPS]

I haven't seen you for ages.

Where've you been?

Oh, I've been...

changing my fate.

Really?

Looks like you've just...

I dunno, had a perm?

D'you think it makes me look like Barry Gibb?

I'm not sure who that is.

Aslan?

No.

The Cowardly Lion.

Yeah. Makes you look like the Cowardly Lion.

[SHE SIGHS]

Do you think you'd recognise me?

If you hadn't seen me for a really, really long time?

Like 200 years?

Come on.

The sisterhood can carry on without me.

What's happened to your legs?

AGNES: Aerobics.

MEG: Right...

AGNES: If you do it regularly enough, you ache all over.

[COUPLE ARGUING IN DISTANCE]

Court order?

Yeah, do you want some whisky?

- Um, no. - [DOOR OPENS]

Oh, um...

I don't have it this week either, sorry.

[SHE SIGHS]

Be down in a minute.

I'll be down in a minute.

[DOOR SHUTS]

- Who was that? - That's my landlord.

He's very friendly.

Agnes...

Agnes?

Oh, my... it's like a serial killer's mood board.

I thought you'd come here to find a man?

I did. This man.

- Alex Phoenix? - Yeah.

- The rock star? - Yeah. I'm in love with him.

It's Alex Phoenix.

Every woman in the world is in love with him.

Well, it's hard to explain to a feminist.

Agnes...

life isn't a dress rehearsal!

Isn't it?

We've got history.

You sound like a lunatic.

I'm an incurable romantic.

You're an incurable stalker!

We're meant to be together.

It's just that something always gets in the way, like...

the French Revolution.

Have you ever felt like...

you knew somebody?

Down to every hair on their skin?

Like you just knew them?

And they knew you.

And you were the only two people in the world who could understand each other?

It's love, Meg.

In its purest form.

It's eternal.

Do you believe in reincarnation?

Er, I had regression therapy once.

There's a strong chance that I was...

BOTH: Cleopatra.

Yeah, me too.

We can't both have been Cleopatra.

I don't know, there might have been some kind of

timeshare arrangement.

Look, you should see someone.

Everyone in New York sees a shrink.

It's practically the law.

He sends me messages, Meg.

This is making you unhappy.

What, so I should just give him up?

Have you been harassing him?

You just don't understand love, Meg!

Agnes, it is never going to happen!

Agnes...

I've been learning.

It's the 20th century. There is another way.

Oh...

I'd rather be a slave than a lesbian.

Well, don't expect any help from me.

- Karma's a bitch. - So are you.

[DOOR SHUTS]

I'm gonna make it real.

[HEAVY BREATHING]

[CAMERA CLICKS]

[HORSE NEIGHING ECHOES]

[HORN HONKS]

- Dumb bitch, it's raining! - Sorry!

Sorry!

[WOMEN SQUEAL]

[EXCITED CHATTER]

WOMEN: Alex!

AGNES: Alex!

Alex! [THEY SCREAM]

[SHE GASPS]

[WOMEN SCREAM]

[THEY SCREAM] Alex!

Love you! Love you!

[THEY SCREAM]

No!

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

[WOMAN CHOKES]

- [STEAM SIZZLES] - Let it go.

Let it go. Let it go.

[WOMAN GROANS]

[SHE YELLS]

[WOMAN SOBS]

Yes, I understand.

OK.

Very soon.

[BIRD CHIRPS]

[BIRD SINGS]

SCIPIO: Hey.

Scipio Barnes.

Alex's manager.

Oh, I'm Agnes. From Poppers magazine.

[SHE CHUCKLES]

Thanks for agreeing to meet.

[ALEX VOCALISES ON TV]

I'm gonna put you out of your misery.

- Oh dear. - I called Poppers

and they've never even heard of you.

But ten out of ten for effort.

Let's see how you are at execution.

What?

"Blood alone moves the wheels of history."

[GUNSHOTS ON TV]

REPORTER: Pop music was reeling tonight, following the senseless killing

of one of its brightest stars.

The British rock star who is currently residing in New York

was shot dead by a single bullet.

The victim was taken to Roosevelt hospital

where he was pronounced dead.

Just to think that only a stone's throw away

is Central Park Zoo where, as we speak,

the baby gorillas and llamas are sleeping soundly

unaware of the manmade mayhem just metres away.

Not now...

And if you've just joined us,

the pop star John Lennon has been murdered.

Oh!

It's just John Lennon!

It's OK, it's just John Lennon.

False alarm. Nothing to worry about.

But hey, now his record's gonna sell.

Is it?

Lennon was famous,

but now? He's immortal.

You know this guy?

[LOW GROWLING]

No.

I don't know him from Adam.

Excuse me? Would you give this gentleman my pastrami sandwich? Thank you.

Now, observe.

This mongrel was once king of the world.

Now he's just some sad, stinking loser.

Something or someone destroyed him.

What do you mean by that?

Every dog has his day.

[GROWLING OUTSIDE]

Maybe one day, I won't be

some stupid, limey motherfucker's personal ass rag.

Finessing their day, taking no credit,

writing the goddamn songs,

fantasising about, can you choke a man on his own sick?

You think it's possible?

Are you talking about Alex?

Yes, I'm talking about... Alex!

That man is arrogant, vain,

he's a fraud and a thief.

He'll probably try and sleep with you after five minutes.

Oh, I'm sorry.

- You're a fan. - [SHE CHUCKLES]

No.

No!

No.

No, no, no...

No.

No.

No.

No. No.

No.

I think, um...

I think he's a...

a wanker.

[SCIPIO LAUGHS]

Well, feel free to assassinate him.

What?

In the piece.

He could probably do with being taken down a peg or two.

Here.

Backstage passes?

Best place to make 'em.

Don't fuck it up.

What if I can't help it?

There's a first time for everyone.

And a second.

And a third.

[HE CHUCKLES]

Crazy lady.

[SHE CHUCKLES]

I'm really... just quite boringly normal.

[BIRD CHIRPS]

[SCIPIO LAUGHS]

You crazy lady.

[HE LAUGHS]

[HOOVES RUMBLING]

- [SHE SCREAMS] - [WHEEL SLICES]

[SHE SCREAMS]

Oh, my God!

- Ah! - [THUD ON WINDOW]

For the last time,

I don't have your fucking poodle!

- I'm doomed! - Oh.

It's you.

Doomed!

Yeah.

I never get him! I die!

Every time!

I meet my soulmate...

I save his life.

Then my head comes off.

It's very painful!

And the blood!

I know, it's a mess. Ugh!

Why didn't you tell me?

Well, I thought you'd find out, you know, in your own time.

You're supposed to help me!

I'm not Glinda the fucking Good, honey.

Why can't I love him without dying?

You don't have to save him, honey.

I would rather die than live without him!

[HE LAUGHS] Fine, carry on then.

W-wait!

What do I have to do?

To live.

To live?

Make him kiss me, or...

Anything else?

Look, love. You die...

so he doesn't have to.

Maybe it's time to turn the tables.

- [VASE SMASHES] - Fuck!

[BIRD CHIRPS]

Maybe you are crazy.

[BIRD SINGS]

Gemini. Rhododendrons.

Hot dogs. Being shot. Mushrooms.

[SHE LAUGHS]

[BIRD SINGS]

I'm coming.

[MUSIC: "SOVAY" TRAD. FOLKSONG]

[SWORDS CLASH, MEN CHATTER]

[BIRD CHIRPS]

♪ Sovay, Sovay all on a day

♪ She dressed herself in man's array ♪

♪ As she puts her pistols all by her side ♪

♪ To meet her true love

♪ To meet her true love away she rides ♪

[LANDLORD GRUNTS]

Streaker.

Just a few beans, as are my dues

from a flashman goatish jackanapes.

[HE GROWLS]

[MUSIC FADES]

♪ I have such time for you

♪ It's a mystery

♪ Why we're torn in two

♪ It's a history

♪ I can see it now

♪ A heart split in two

♪ Seems like eternity

♪ Just to be with you

♪ To be with you, oh!

♪ We play the game

♪ We dance the dance

♪ Just one more step in our romance ♪

♪ We play the game

♪ We dance the dance

♪ I stole your heart

♪ You took the chance

♪ 'Twas love and death

♪ At our first glance

♪ And even though we both must part ♪

♪ I'll live on in your eternal heart ♪

[CROWD SCREAMS]

♪ Why do you run?

♪ Why do you hide?

♪ Our eternal flame can't be denied ♪

♪ Come with me

[BICYCLE BELL RINGS]

[MUSIC CONTINUES MUFFLED]

[WOMAN GIGGLES]

[ALEX VOCALISES ON STAGE]

[VOCALISING CONTINUES]

[SHE COUGHS] Oh...

[SHE PUFFS]

- [SHE KNOCKS] - [MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY]

[CROWD CHATTERS IN DISTANCE]

[DOOR OPENS]

[ALEX SNIFFS] Yeah, come in.

[HE SNIFFS AND SIGHS]

I had bad korma.

Karma?

No. Korma.

Prawn korma. Been shittin' all day.

I've been waiting a long time.

Yeah, well, I'm sorry about that

but I've been jamming with Iggy Poop,

know what I mean?

Look, do you want a drink?

Hot dog!

Your favourite food.

According to Poppers July issue 1980.

I don't write that shit.

Scipio does. My manager.

Can we make this brief?

I've got the rest of my life to get on with.

Do you recognise me?

Are you, um...

Did you...

Were you...

No.

I-I've got a terrible memory.

You know, for faces and names and events.

I don't even remember what I did last night.

We've met before.

In past lives.

Is this a joke?

We met in Scotland in the 1600s.

You were an illegal preacher.

I saved you from death, but then I died.

Then we met again in 1793,

but we were thwarted by my husband.

And I got syphilis, which was off-putting.

Then I saw you again in Victorian times.

I chased after you, but my head got squashed off by a carriage.

Then there's some stuff about Cleopatra.

But fate keeps on throwing us together.

Is this ringing any bells?

No.

Alex...

you're the love of my lives.

You're the one that's been sending me letters.

It's been five minutes, you can have sex with me now if you want?

The police told you to stay away.

We're meant to be together.

I don't know what more I can say.

Mushrooms.

[DISTORTED SOUND]

[WHIMPERING]

You're suffering from a condition called erotomania.

You think I'm sending you messages in my songs

but I'm not.

You're my stalker.

It's all in your head.

- It's all in your head. - It's all in your head.

- It's all in your head. - It's all in your head.

- It's all in your head. - It's all in your head...

You always say that.

This...

This is proof.

These are just fantasies, Agnes.

I'm not who you think I am.

I wish I was.

But my records are down.

I'm a failure, a piece of shit.

Forgettable.

I wish I could forget you.

You never give up, do you?

Amazing.

Maybe you're the headline

and I'm just the footnote.

You're a god.

Why do you let me live in your head?

Is this my only shot at immortality?

In the obsessive mind of one sad, aging groupie?

Oh, shit.

My career's over.

- You're just in denial. - [GUN COCKS]

Oh, shit. Scipio!

Blood alone moves the wheels of history.

Scipio!

Fuck... please.

God, I don't want to die!

Neither do I, but it is kind of your turn.

Plus it doesn't hurt that much.

That's a lie. It does really, really hurt.

But you'll get over it.

Scipio! Get the fuck in here!

[HE KNOCKS]

Letting this mad bitch into my dressing room!

Are you trying to get me killed?

Are you trying to get me killed?

Nah, your career's on the downturn.

Another two years, you'll be forming Phantom Postcard.

- Who the fuck are they? - Exactly.

What?

Fuck you, you cunt!

I'm on the up!

Agnes.

If you really love him,

make him immortal.

You're a revolutionary.

AGNES: No.

I'm just a fan.

[SHE SIGHS]

Would you mind, um...

signing this?

Um...

and, yeah, I've got a pen as well.

If you could write, "To Agnes,

"my greatest fan,"

um, "Love forever, Alex."

And just put a kiss there.

Thank you. You can keep the pen.

[HE SIGHS]

[DOOR CREAKS AND SLAMS]

[LOW RUMBLING]

[ANIMALISTIC GROWLING]

[THUNDER CRASHES]

[SHE GASPS]

[WOLVES GROWL]

AGNES [VO]: I'm the one chasing him.

I'm always chasing him.

Through time...

[SHE LAUGHS]

I... do... not... want... thee.

He's Beauty...

and I'm the Beast.

- Limerence. - Bless you.

Beautiful word, isn't it?

A state of infatuation

where intrusive fantasies cannibalise the mind.

And that's what I've had?

MARION: I'd say so.

Since you first clapped eyes on your... rock star.

Chartbreakers.

I remember it vividly.

You started to believe he was singing to you. Only to you.

And then you began to expand the fantasy beyond that frame

and into other scenarios.

It was historical fantasies.

Ideas I got...

From films, books, music videos?

I'm sure many of them were far-fetched? Silly?

They were beautiful.

Well...

They were mine.

You formed dreams to protect yourself

then chose someone who would never love you

so you could stay in them.

Fuck.

It felt so real.

It was all you, Agnes!

- What a twat. - Yes!

But...

you didn't die this time, did you? You lived!

Some life.

Yes, life is drab and difficult and disappointing.

But it's real.

Can I wake up now?

Yes. You can wake up, Agnes.

The dream is over.

Help yourself to cookies!

[SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE]

Projection!

We often pursue people who hate us

because we hate ourselves.

When the best you can hope for is someone with his own teeth

and a driving licence.

That's the end for today.

Please, please...

stack the chairs like considerate, normal human beings.

[CHAIRS SCRAPE]

I can smell fish, can you smell fish?

[SHE SNIFFS]

- [BIRD CHIRPS] - Find your fortune.

[BIRD SINGS]

- I'm so embarrassed, Meg. - Agnes, it's OK to have dreams!

That's who you are.

Take away the fantasies, you've just got a madwoman

who's unemployed and in a mountain of debt.

What about reincarnation?

I was never Cleopatra. I wish I was.

That's sad.

Is it?

It's living.

I'd love it if there was some...

divine benevolent force of eternal love

in the universe,

ready to engulf me in its protective glow.

But I suspect there's just shitting and dying

and not much else.

Make the best of it.

- How's Alex... - Shh!

I'm not supposed to mention his name, I'm on a detox.

Oh, OK.

I mean, it never would've worked out.

There was no spark.

He got a restraining order?

Yeah, technically, there is that as well.

But I will always love him, Meg.

There's nothing I can do about it.

He lives immortal in my head.

It's the least I can do for him.

I set the canary free though.

- You did? - Yeah.

Oh, no, no. Canaries can't survive in the wild.

They starve, or get eaten.

Oh, God.

Oh, no.

Uh, Agnes?

Listen, there's something I've been meaning to tell you...

Meg.

You're the only person who ever cares, and...

I always push you away.

But I've broken the cycle.

I know, but you can get another one.

I'm getting married.

What?

Who to?

He saved my life, Meg.

[SHE LAUGHS INCREDULOUSLY]

Do you love him?

He's got his own teeth and a driving licence.

And he never leaves me alone!

That's not love, Agnes.

You only live once, Meg.

Hey! Hi!

There he is! Come and meet him.

This is my fiancé.

- Aww. - This is Meg!

Hey, Meg. Aww!

She's mine now. [HE LAUGHS]

Aww. Ooh, watch out.

Oh.

I'm sorry...

- I'll get more on you! - [THEY LAUGH]

Hey! Don't you dare!

Don't you fucking dare.

[SHE LAUGHS]

[HE GROWLS]

[THROAT SINGING]

[ANIMALISTIC GROWLING]

PRIEST: Ladies and gentlemen, we are gathered here today

to witness the union of this man

- and this woman. - [SMATTERING OF APPLAUSE]

George and Agnes

will be joined in holy matrimony.

[THROAT SINGING]

- [HE SNARLS] - [WHISTLING SOUND]

[COIN RATTLING]

GEORGE: She is reborn!

As good as new.

Magic!

- [GONG RINGS] - [APPLAUSE]

[GEORGE CHUCKLES]

Oh!

[HE CHUCKLES]

Delicious!

And now, for my next trick...

The Wheel of Doom!

[MAN IN AUDIENCE COUGHS]

[RUMBLING]

[AIR RAID SIREN WAILS]

[DISTANT EXPLOSIONS BOOM]

You fustiluggs mopsey...

[DISTANT EXPLOSIONS BOOM]

'Ere!

Agnes!

[BIRD CHIRPS]

She survived.

Agnes.

Hey.

I'm sorry, George.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[BIRD SINGS]

GEORGE: Agnes.

Agnes!

Agnes!

My God...

I've gotta get out of here.

Where's the door?

George...

you don't have to do this.

I kinda do.

I don't know why.

Till death do us part!

[HE GRUNTS]

[KNIFE SLICES]

No one ever asks me what I want.

Maybe I want to be a better, more caring person

but no one ever takes the time!

[HE CHUCKLES]

Stop it!

[SHE WHISTLES]

- [DOG SNEEZES] - What?

I just want freedom, George.

To be who I want to be.

And I want you to be who you want to be.

Please, let me go.

OK.

OK.

Can I have this one?

- OK. - OK.

I love you.

[SHE GROANS WEAKLY]

Agnes?

Agnes?

Say you believe.

In what?

In reincarnation.

I believe.

Then I'll see you again.

[STIRRING MUSIC]

[RUMBLING]

- [LOUD SNAP] - Oh!

Oh...

Fucking hell, don't do that.

Sorry.

Look at this.

Look at that.

- Aww! - That's you.

AGNES: Oh, you did that? Aww.

SCIPIO: Good, aren't I?

Yeah, you're an amazing... artist.

Thank you.

Am I dying?

Well...

either your cells are switching off, one by one...

[POPPING NOISE]

and this is one final, thrilling hallucination

or...

reincarnation is real.

Your fantasies are real.

Either way...

that was your last life.

That's it.

Come on.

[THROAT SINGING]

Where are we going?

You are going to merge into the consciousness.

Love. Acceptance. You're gonna love it.

- It's what you wanted. - Uh, no.

I... hang on.

I was chasing Alex because he had something

that I wanted.

That I needed.

I have ambitions, you know.

Me. Dreams. Like everyone else.

Yeah, but he...

was my god.

This...

I... I can't.

I'm just here, doing this menial...

stuff, it's humiliating.

So rebel against it.

[HE SCOFFS] What?

I'm my own god.

Agnes.

- I'm a revolutionary. - Agnes.

Agnes!

Agnes! [VOICE ECHOES]

[AGNES GASPS]

I know what I have to do.

[SHE GROANS]

[CROWD JEERS AND BOOS]

You're breaking my heart, you fuckers.

[MIC FEEDBACK SQUEALS]

[CROWD BOOS]

[CROWD WHISTLES]

WOMAN IN CROWD: Loser!

Alex.

[CROWD NOISE FADES]

I'm gonna set us free.

- [GUNSHOT] - [CROWD GASPS]

- [CAMERA CLICKS] - [BODIES THUD]

[WOMAN IN CROWD GASPS]

[WARBLING]

[RUMBLING]

It's time.

♪ I've searched time for you

♪ It's a mystery

♪ Why we're torn in two

♪ It's our history

♪ I can see it now

♪ A heart split in two

♪ Seems like eternity

♪ Just to be with you

♪ And even though

♪ We both must part

♪ I'll live on in your eternal heart ♪

[THEY YELL]

[HELICOPTERS WHIR]

[THEY YELL]

[SHE YELLS]

I love you.