Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

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WELL, IT LOOKS

LIKE WE ARE IN IT.

GEE, I WISH I COULD GO.

GO WHERE?

WHY, TO WAR.

WELL, WHY CAN'T YOU GO?

THERE YOU ARE.

I KNEW YOU WOULD TAKE

THAT SELFISH VIEWPOINT.

WHY, I'D GO IN A MINUTE

IF IT WASN'T FOR MY FLAT FEET.

WELL, YOUNG FELLA,

HOW ABOUT JOINING OUR OUTFIT?

OH, TOUGH LUCK, OLD TIMER.

CAN'T USE YOU.

HEY, JIM, A COUPLE OF GOOD

PROSPECTS UP HERE.

BE NONCHALANT.

HERE HE COMES.

GOOD MORNING,

CAPTAIN GENERAL.

WELL, HOW ABOUT IT?

HOW ABOUT WHAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

HOW ABOUT GETTING INTO ONE

OF THESE UNIFORMS?

I'M AWFULLY SORRY,

BUT WE ARE INCAPACITATED.

INCAPACITATED?

YES, SIR. THERE'S BEEN A LOT

OF IT GOING AROUND LATELY.

JUST AS I EXPECTED--A COUPLE

OF CRUMMY, NO-GOOD SLACKERS.

TALKING LIKE THAT.

WHY, YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED

OF YOURSELF.

ASHAMED OF WHAT?

OH, I'M SORRY.

WELL, YOU OUGHT TO BE.

OH, COME ON, NO HARD

FEELINGS.

HERE, GET YOURSELF A CUP

OF COFFEE.

THANK YOU.

[ BAND PLAYS

IT'S A FINE-LOOKING OUTFIT

YOU ARE.

LOOK AT YOURSELVES!

ATTENTION!

OHH-HOO-HOO-HOO!

NOW, LISTEN, WE'RE GOING TO

TRY THIS ONCE MORE.

AND WHEN I SAY HALT,

I MEAN HALT!

AND HALT MEANS TO STOP.

ATTENTION!

SQUAD RIGHT, MARCH.

HALT!

SPLENDID.

THANK YOU, SIR.

FORWARD, MARCH!

TO THE RIGHT, MARCH!

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE,

SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE, TEN,

ELEVEN.

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.

WHY DON'T YOU HAVE US

DO LIKE THAT?

FALL IN! FALL IN!

YOU LUNKHEADS!

I NEVER SAW SUCH HALF-WITTED

MUGS IN ALL MY LIFE.

NOW, YOU MUGS, I AM GOING TO

GIVE YOU ONE MORE CHANCE,

AND IF YOU DON'T GET IT RIGHT

THIS TIME, YOU'RE GOING TO GET

KITCHEN POLICE FROM NOW ON.

OHH.

WHEN HE SAYS, "TURN TO THE

RIGHT," GO THAT WAY.

FOLLOW ME.

SQUAD TO THE LEFT, MARCH!

ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE,

SIX, SEVEN, EIGHT, NINE, TEN,

ELEVEN.

IF YOU HAD DONE AS

THE SERGEANT TOLD YOU, WE

WOULDN'T HAVE TO BE DOING THIS.

WELL, I KNEW WHAT TO DO.

WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU DO IT?

WELL, I JUST COULDN'T

THINK OF IT.

COULDN'T THINK.

HEY, HURRY UP AND GET BACK

HERE WITH THOSE CANS.

SAY, WHAT DO WE DO WITH

THIS STUFF?

ARE YOU TRYING TO KID

SOMEBODY?

WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE

YOU DO WITH IT?

TAKE IT TO THE GENERAL.

NOW, WHAT DO YOU SUPPOSE

THE GENERAL WANTS WITH THIS?

THERE YOU GO, ASKING

QUESTIONS AGAIN.

WHY DON'T YOU TRY DOING

AS YOU ARE TOLD ONCE?

DON'T YOU KNOW THAT YOU'VE

GOT TO FOLLOW THE CURRICULUM

OF THE ARMY WITH DISCIPLINE?

COME ON, IF THE GENERAL

WANTS IT, HE CAN HAVE IT.

PARDON ME, BOYS.

HEY.

HEY, SALAD DEPARTMENT.

HELLO, EDDIE.

HI. WHAT HAVE YOU TWO LADIES

BEEN UP TO NOW?

WE'VE BEEN PROMOTED

TO THE CULINARY PLATOON.

LOOKS LIKE A SWELL JOB.

OH.

HEY, THIS ISN'T GONNA

PREVENT YOU FROM HAVING

DINNER WITH THE WIFE AND ME

FRIDAY, IS IT?

OH, NOT A CHANCE.

WITH GOOD BEHAVIOR, WE'LL BE

THROUGH WITH THIS JOB

THURSDAY.

OH, THAT'S GREAT.

AND WAIT TILL YOU SEE

THAT KID OF MINE.

AND WILL SHE GO CRAZY

ABOUT YOU TWO.

HEY, SMITTY, SOMEBODY WANTS

YOU UP IN THE SOCIAL HALL.

OKAY. I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.

DON'T FORGET, NOW--FRIDAY.

OKAY, FRIDAY.

HE IS A GREAT GUY, ISN'T HE?

HE CERTAINLY IS.

YOU KNOW, I LIKE HIM.

ARE YOU THE GENERAL?

NO.

IS HE HOME?

YES. WHAT DO YOU WANT?

I GOT THAT STUFF FOR HIM.

WHAT STUFF?

OH, ROGERS?

YES, SIR?

COME, COME.

YOU BETTER BRING IT IN.

GOOD MORNING, SIR.

GOOD MORNING.

ROGERS,

DO YOU SMELL ANYTHING?

NO, SIR, I'VE GOT A COLD

IN ME NOSE.

HMM.

UH, NO GRAPEFRUIT THIS

MORNING, ROGERS.

NO, SIR.

WHAT'S THE MEANING OF THIS?

ROGERS! ROGERS!

ROGERS!

THIS ONE HERE, TOO.

TAKE IT OUT OF HERE,

EVERY BIT OF IT.

ROGERS! ROGERS!

OH, HO, HO, LOOK WHO'S HERE.

HIYA.

AH, THE BABY.

DO YOU LOVE ME?

YEAH, BABY, SURE YOU DO.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

COULDN'T THE WIFE COME DOWN?

IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN DO?

NO, I GUESS NOT.

POOR BABY.

HMM, THAT'S WHAT

I'M THINKING ABOUT.

POOR KID.

GEE, IT WOULD BE A CINCH

IF ONLY I COULD TAKE HER

TO THE FOLKS.

CAN'T YOU?

NO, WE HAD A FUSS WHEN I GOT

MARRIED, SO THAT'S OUT.

OH.

BUT WE'LL GET ALONG

ALL RIGHT, WON'T WE, HONEY?

I'LL BE UP TO THE HOUSE

FRIDAY.

WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT THEN.

GOOD-BYE, HONEY.

SEE YOU FRIDAY.

HEY, EDDIE.

WE CAN'T COME FRIDAY.

SO YOU TOLD ON ME, HUH?

YOU DID, DIDN'T YOU?

OKAY, YOU SNITCHES.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

SOMEDAY, I'M GONNA CATCH UP

WITH YOU GUYS AGAIN.

AND WHEN I DO, I'M GONNA

HAVE MY KNIFE.

AND WHEN I GOT MY KNIFE,

YOU BETTER NEVER LET ME

FIND YOU IN THE SAME STATE.

YOU GET ME?

OHH!

ALL RIGHT, QUICK,

RUN OUTSIDE.

COME ON,

UP AND AT 'EM, BOYS.

COME ON, GET OUT OF THERE.

GET OUT OF HERE.

COME ON, STEP ON IT, GET UP.

AH.

WILL YOU KEEP OFF OF ME?

SEE WHAT THAT IS.

DON'T YOU THINK IT'S

ABOUT TIME THAT WE HAD

SOME FRESH WATER?

THAT ISN'T WATER.

THAT'S COFFEE.

WELL, POUR IT OUT

AND GET SOME CLEAN WATER.

NOT THERE, OUTSIDE.

COFFEE!

MM-MM-MM.

OH!

HEY, CAN'T YOU GUYS LAY OFF

FOR JUST A LITTLE WHILE?

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HIM?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

EVER SINCE HE GOT THE LETTER

ABOUT THE BABY, HE HASN'T

BEEN THE SAME.

SOME TROUBLE?

SOMETHING HAPPENED TO THE

OLD WOMAN, AND THE KID'S BEEN

LEFT WITH STRANGERS.

WHY DON'T HE SEND HER

TO HIS FOLKS?

THAT GIVES ME AN IDEA.

COME HERE.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

NO PLACE.

COME HERE.

WE'LL WRITE A LETTER TO HIS

FATHER TO GO AND GET THE BABY.

HOW ARE YOU GONNA GET

THE ADDRESS?

WE'LL USE TACT.

COME ON, SMITH.

SMITH, COME ON.

GET UP.

COME ON, SNAP OUT OF IT.

OKAY.

OH, BOY.

HI. HAVE A GOOD SLEEP?

YEAH, SWELL.

SAY, EDDIE, WHERE'S THE BABY

LIVING NOW?

WHAT DO YOU WANT

TO KNOW FOR?

WELL, IT'S GETTING CLOSE

TO CHRISTMAS, AND WE THOUGHT

MAYBE WE'D LIKE TO SEND IT

A LITTLE CHRISTMAS PRESENT.

OH, GEE, THAT'S DARN NICE

OF YOU GUYS.

HOW ABOUT GIVING US

THE ADDRESS?

YEAH, YOU'LL NEED THAT,

WON'T YOU?

IT'S ON THE BACK OF THAT.

COPY IT OFF AND GIVE IT

BACK TO ME, WILL YOU?

UH, EDDIE, THERE'S ANOTHER

LITTLE ITEM.

UH, WHAT IS THE ADDRESS OF

YOUR FATHER AND MOTHER?

WHAT?

OH, WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO,

SEND THEM A CHRISTMAS

PRESENT, TOO?

AND HOW.

YEAH.

I'M WAY AHEAD OF YOU.

AND THAT'S OUT.

OKAY, BUDDY, TAKE YOUR HOLE.

ABOUT TIME YOU WERE

GETTING HERE.

I KNEW YOUR IDEA

WAS ALL WET.

SMITH?

YEAH?

OKAY.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

THERE'S BEEN A RAID.

DID THEY GET ANYBODY,

SERGEANT?

YEAH, THEY GOT SMITH

OUT OF HERE.

THEY GOT EDDIE.

SEND OVER A RAIDING PARTY

RIGHT AWAY AND GET A PRISONER.

YES, SIR.

WELL, WHO WANTS TO GO?

OHH!

I'LL RAID THE CAMP, SARGE.

NEVER MIND.

CONGRATULATIONS, BOYS.

THAT'S THE SPIRIT.

COME ON, GET GOING.

THAT'S IT, COME ON, LET'S GO.

WAIT A MINUTE, I--

NEVER MIND, LET'S GO.

BYE, OLLIE.

COME ON, YOU, TOO.

COME ON, LET'S GO.

GET OUT OF HERE.

AND DON'T COME BACK

WITHOUT A PRISONER.

CORPORAL, GET TWO

REPLACEMENTS.

I THINK WE'LL NEED THEM.

OKAY, SERGEANT.

QUICK, LET'S GET IN HERE.

WE'LL BE OUT OF DANGER.

OH, DO SOMETHING, QUICK,

RIGHT NOW!

COME ON, EVERYBODY.

ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS

A DEAR LITTLE GIRL AND HER NAME

WAS CINDERELLA, AND SHE HAD A

STEPFATHER AND TWO UGLY

STEPSISTERS.

OH, DEAR, I DON'T KNOW

THE REST, SO YOU'LL HAVE TO GO

TO BED NOW, AND I'LL TELL

YOU IT TOMORROW.

MISS ANNIE,

IS THIS MY DADDY?

YES, THAT'S YOUR DADDY.

WHEN IS HE COMING HOME?

HOW SHOULD I KNOW?

NOW, STAY IN THE OTHER ROOM

AND DON'T BOTHER ME.

RUN ALONG, NOW.

MR. JACK, WHERE DID MY--

WHERE DID MY DADDY GO?

GET OUT OF HERE, GO ON.

ANNIE, GET THIS BRAT

OUT OF HERE SO I CAN SLEEP.

SO YOU CAN SLEEP.

TOO BAD YOU'RE SO TIRED

THAT YOU CAN'T WATCH HER

FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES.

SHUT UP.

NO, I WON'T SHUT UP.

SHUT UP.

IF IT WASN'T FOR THIS MONEY

YOU GET FOR THAT KID EVERY

MONTH, YOU'D STARVE TO DEATH,

YOU BIG LOAFER.

OH, YOU'RE STARTING IT

AGAIN, ARE YOU?

YES, AND I'M NOT FINISHED,

EITHER.

I'VE GOT TO DO EVERYTHING

AROUND HERE.

I'M GONNA FINISH IT

THIS TIME FOR YOU.

GET IN THAT KITCHEN.

COME HERE.

OH, DADDY, DADDY, WHY DON'T

YOU COME AND TAKE ME AWAY

FROM HERE?

COME HERE.

COME OUT OF THERE.

PLEASE DON'T, PLEASE DON'T.

YOU'RE TO BLAME

FOR ALL THIS.

COME ON.

COME IN.

GOOD MORNING.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

IS THAT EDDIE SMITH'S BABY?

YEAH. WHAT ABOUT IT?

OH, COME HERE.

MY GOODNESS.

OH, HO, HO.

JUST LIKE EDDIE.

YES.

HEY, WHAT'S THE BIG IDEA?

WE'VE COME TO TAKE HER AWAY.

YEAH? WELL, WHO ARE YOU?

WHY, I'M MR. HARDY, AND

THIS IS MY FRIEND, MR. LAUREL.

WHO GAVE YOU THE AUTHORITY

TO TAKE HER?

WELL, WE ARE FRIENDS

OF HER FATHER.

YEAH? WELL, I DON'T KNOW YOU

TWO MUGS, AND YOU AIN'T GONNA

TAKE THE KID OUT OF THE HOUSE.

WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA

DO ABOUT IT?

WHAT AM I GONNA DO ABOUT IT?

YEAH.

OOH.

DO THAT AGAIN.

MMM.

SIT THERE, HONEY.

HIKE.

HEH HEH HEH.

HEY, JERRY, TWO GUYS ARE

BEATIN' IT WITH THE KID.

GET 'EM.

WHAT'S THE MATTER, JACK?

GET THAT KID AND GIVE THOSE

TWO MONKEYS THE WORKS.

SURE.

DO SOMETHING TO

HELP ME HERE, QUICK.

GO ON, GIVE IT TO 'EM!

HEY, GET THE BABY

AND LET'S BEAT IT!

GET THE BABY AND LET'S BEAT IT!

GET 'EM, AL, GET 'EM.

NOW WHAT ARE WE

GOING TO DO?

ALL WE'VE GOT TO DO

IS FIND MR. SMITH.

YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE

THEY LIVE.

WILL YOU LEAVE THAT TO ME?

IT'S THE SIMPLEST THING

IN THE WORLD.

COME ON, COME ON.

PARDON ME, OFFICER.

YES.

COULD YOU HAPPEN TO TELL US

WHERE MR. SMITH LIVES?

SMITH?

YES, SIR.

SMITH, SMITH.

LET ME THINK.

WHAT SMITH?

EDDIE'S FATHER.

EDDIE WHO?

WHY, THE FATHER

OF THIS CHILD.

HEH, WHAT'S HIS NAME?

WHO?

WHY, THE FATHER

OF THIS CHILD.

THAT'S WHO YOU'RE LOOKING

FOR, ISN'T IT?

OH, NO, SIR.

THE MAN WE'RE LOOKING FOR

IS THE FATHER OF THE FATHER

OF THIS CHILD.

OH, NOW I UNDERSTAND YOU.

HA HA HA.

IT'S THE GRANDFATHER

THAT'S LOST.

YES, SIR.

OH, NO, SIR.

HE'S NOT LOST.

NO? THEN WHAT ARE YOU

LOOKING FOR HIM FOR?

WE'RE NOT LOOKING FOR HIM.

WE'RE JUST TRYING TO FIND HIM.

YE--

YOU SEE, HE DOESN'T KNOW

ABOUT THE BABY.

OH, HE DOESN'T?

WE WERE IN FRANCE TOGETHER,

HER FATHER AND--

YES, YES, WAIT, WAIT.

JUST A MINUTE, BOYS.

NOW, RELAX, WILL YOU, PLEASE?

RELAX.

COME HERE, DARLING.

NOW, SWEETHEART, MAYBE YOU

CAN TELL ME WHO THESE

GENTLEMEN ARE LOOKING FOR.

MR. SMITH.

MR. SMITH.

WELL, ISN'T THAT FINE?

NOW, HONEY, WHERE DOES HE LIVE?

WHO?

UH--

THERE.

IF YOU BOYS GET YOURSELF

A CITY DIRECTORY,

YOU'LL SAVE YOURSELF

A WHOLE LOT OF TROUBLE.

COME ON.

WHAT DID YOU WANT TO STOP

HIM FOR IN THE FIRST PLACE?

IS THIS THE PLACE?

543.

IS MR. SMITH HOME?

I'M MR. SMITH.

ARE YOU EDDIE'S FATHER?

EDDIE WHO?

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

WE WON'T GO INTO THAT.

THANK YOU, WE'VE MADE

A LITTLE MISTAKE.

OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT.

COME, SWEETHEART.

IS MR. SMITH IN?

YEAH.

HEY, STEAMBOAT, SOMEBODY

WANTS TO SEE YOU.

OKAY.

ARE YOU MR. SMITH?

YEAH, WHAT OF IT?

THIS IS YOUR SON'S BABY.

MY SON'S BABY?

YES, SIR.

OH, BLACKMAILERS, HUH?

WHAT'S THE NEXT ADDRESS?

311 CHESTER DRIVE.

COME ON.

OH, WHAT A HANDSOME

BRIDEGROOM.

IT WOULDN'T STAY

IN ITS PROPER PLACE.

WELL, I CAN'T HELP IT, PAPA.

I FEEL KIND OF FUNNY.

BEN, HOW'S THE BRIDEGROOM

HOLDING UP?

A LITTLE WEAK, BUT I GUESS

WE'LL GET HIM THERE.

EDDIE, I'M VERY PROUD TO

WELCOME YOU INTO MY FAMILY.

I KNOW THAT YOU AND MY

DAUGHTER ARE GOING TO BE

VERY HAPPY.

THANK YOU, MR. HATHAWAY.

THE BRIDE IS READY, SIR.

ALL RIGHT, SHALL WE GO?

NOW, DON'T BE NERVOUS.

COME ON, MY BOY.

ALL RIGHT, GO AHEAD.

TELEGRAM FOR MR. SMITH.

SMITH?

SMITH HASN'T LIVED HERE

IN FOUR YEARS.

WOULD YOU TELL ME

WHERE HE'S MOVED TO?

HAVEN'T THE LEAST IDEA.

OKAY, THANKS.

IS THIS 311 CHESTER DRIVE?

YES.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

WAIT A MINUTE.

I'LL DO THIS.

YOU'VE GOTTEN US INTO

ENOUGH TROUBLE.

OOH!

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

WE'D LIKE TO SEE THE MASTER

OF THE HOUSE.

WELL, HE'S VERY BUSY

AND CAN'T SEE YOU.

HE'LL SEE US.

TELL HIM WE'VE GOT

EDDIE'S BABY.

YES, SIR.

EDDIE'S BABY?

YES, SIR.

OH.

DON'T GO AWAY.

PLEASE, WAIT JUST A MOMENT.

JUST A MOMENT, PLEASE.

WE ARE GATHERED--

PARDON ME.

PARDON ME.

PARDON ME.

WE ARE GATHERED--

WHAT'S THIS I HEAR?

ARE YOU THE MASTER

OF THE HOUSE?

I AM.

WE'VE BROUGHT YOU

EDDIE'S BABY.

EDDIE'S BABY?

THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.

I KNEW YOU'D BE SURPRISED.

EDDIE DIDN'T WANT US

TO BRING HER.

NATURALLY, HE WOULDN'T, SIR.

COME WITH ME, MY DEAR.

COME WITH ME.

DON'T GO AWAY.

DON'T GO AWAY.

GET OUT OF MY WAY!

YES, SIR.

STOP!

SIR, WHAT'S THE MEANING

OF THIS?

YOU DON'T KNOW, HUH?

WELL, THAT MONKEY IS

THE FATHER OF THIS CHILD.

AAH!

WELL, FAN MY BROW!

I'LL TAN YOUR HIDE!

THE WEDDING IS OFF.

THE WEDDING IS OFF!

NOW, LOOK HERE, MY--

I JUST WANT TO SAY

THAT I KNEW IT ALL THE TIME.

I'VE NEVER BEEN SO MAD

IN ALL MY LIFE.

THIS IS A FRAME-UP!

A FRAME-UP?

JUST A MINUTE.

WHO SAYS THAT I'M THE FATHER

OF THAT CHILD?

YES, WHO SAYS SO?

PLAYING INNOCENT, ARE YOU?

PARKINS, BRING THOSE

TWO MEN IN HERE.

YES, SIR, YES, SIR.

YES, SIR.

WILL YOU COME RIGHT IN, SIR?

COME RIGHT IN, PLEASE.

HERE THEY ARE, SIR.

NOW, IS THIS OR IS THIS NOT

EDDIE'S BABY?

IT CERTAINLY IS.

DENY THAT IF YOU CAN.

IT'S A LIE.

YOU BLACKGUARD!

YOU BLUEBEARD.

PAPA, IT'S A FRAME-UP.

I'LL GET YOU.

I'M INNOCENT, PAPA.

OH, HOW CAN I EVER

THANK YOU?

HEH HEH.

YOU HAVE SAVED

THE FAMILY'S NAME.

NO, PAPA! NO, PAPA!

NO, PAPA!

OH, PAPA, LET ME EXPLAIN,

LET ME EXPLAIN.

WHAT SEEMS TO BE

THE TROUBLE, MR. SMITH?

WHY, THOSE PEOPLE ARE--

SMITH?!

YES, SIR.

DID YOU CALL ME MR. SMITH?

YES, SIR.

PARKINS, MY WINCHESTER.

YES, SIR.

MY NAME IS NOT SMITH.

IT'S HATHAWAY.

HA HA HA!

HA HA HA HA HA!

HEH HEH HEH.

I'M AFRAID WE'VE MADE

A LITTLE FAUX PAS.

I'M AFRAID THAT YOU HAVE.

I'M SORRY IF WE'VE CAUSED

YOU ANY INCONVENIENCE.

QUITE ALL RIGHT.

OHH!

THE NEXT ADDRESS

IS 49 COLDBROOK AVENUE.

IT'S JUST AROUND--

FROM NOW ON,

WE'LL TELEPHONE.

COME ON.

I'M AWFULLY SORRY.

WHAT'S THE MATTER,

UNCLE OLLIE?

I MUST HAVE CALLED UP

10,000 SMITHS.

WHERE'S UNCLE STAN?

WELL, UNCLE STAN LEFT TOWN

EARLY THIS MORNING.

WHAT FOR?

HE'S GOING TO FIND

YOUR GRANDPARENTS.

I HOPE HE DOESN'T FIND THEM.

NOW, YOU GO AHEAD AND PLAY,

BECAUSE UNCLE OLLIE'S GOT

A LOT OF WORK TO DO.

UNCLE OLLIE.

YOU WENT BOOM.

OH, UNCLE STANLEY,

I'VE BEEN WAITING FOR YOU.

ANY LUCK?

NOT A BIT.

WHERE DID YOU GO?

HUH?

WHERE DID YOU GO?

I WENT ALL THE WAY

TO POUGHKEEPSIE.

AND THAT AIN'T THEM.

DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT

YOU WENT ALL THE WAY DOWN

THERE TO SEE THESE TWO?

WELL, I THOUGHT IT MIGHT

BE THEM.

WASTING YOUR TIME LIKE THAT

WHILE I'M HERE SLAVING ALL DAY.

WHY DON'T YOU DO SOMETHING

TO HELP ME?

WELL, WHAT CAN I DO?

WELL, YOU CAN TAKE CARE

OF THE BABY A WHILE.

I'VE GOT MY IRONING TO DO.

THE SMITH BROTHERS.

OH, MM-MM.

I'VE GOT A NEW BEDTIME STORY

TO TELL YOU.

ALL RIGHT.

ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS

A LITTLE GIRL, AND HER NAME

WAS GOLDILOCKS.

AND SHE LIVED AT HOME WITH HER

MOMMY AND HER DADDY.

AND SHE WENT WAY OUT

IN THE WOODS.

AND SHE WENT TO THE FIELD

WHERE THREE BEARS LIVED.

AND WHEN SHE WENT INTO THE

THREE BEARS' HOUSE, SHE SAW

THREE BOWLS OF PORRIDGE

ON THE TABLE.

AND SHE TRIED THEM ALL,

BUT ONLY THE BABY BEAR'S--

BUT ONLY THE BABY BEAR'S

PORRIDGE WAS GOOD.

AND SHE ATE IT ALL UP.

WELL, THEN SHE SAW SOME

CHAIRS, AND SHE TRIED ALL

THE CHAIRS, BUT ONLY THE BABY

BEAR'S CHAIR WAS COMFORTABLE.

SO SHE SAT RIGHT DOWN,

AND IT BROKE.

AND THEN...

SHE WENT UPSTAIRS.

AND SHE SAW THREE BEDS.

AND SHE TRIED ALL THE BEDS,

BUT ONLY THE BABY BEAR'S BED

WAS COMFY.

SO SHE WENT FAST ASLEEP.

AND THEN SUDDENLY

THE THREE BEARS CAME HOME.

AND THE FATHER BEAR SAID,

"WHO HAS BEEN EATING

MY PORRIDGE, I SHOULD

LIKE TO KNOW?"

AND THE MOTHER BEAR SAID,

"WHO'S BEEN EATING

MY PORRIDGE, I SHOULD

LIKE TO KNOW?"

AND THE BABY BEAR SAID,

"WHO'S BEEN EATING

MY PORRIDGE?

THEY'VE EATEN IT ALL UP."

AND THEN THEY WENT TO SIT DOWN.

AND THE FATHER BEAR SAID,

"WHO HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY

CHAIR, I SHOULD LIKE TO KNOW?"

AND THE MOTHER BEAR SAID,

"WHO HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY

CHAIR, I SHOULD LIKE TO KNOW?"

AND THE BABY SAID, "WHO'S

BEEN SITTING IN MY CHAIR,

I SHOULD LIKE TO KNOW?"

AND--

AND--

AND THEN--

SHH!

SHH!

GET UP FROM THERE

AND PUT THAT BABY TO BED.

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO?

OH!

OH!

OHH!

AND YOU ARE POSITIVE THEY

STILL HAVE THE CHILD IN

THEIR POSSESSION?

YEAH, AND YOU'LL FIND THEM

RUNNING THAT LUNCH WAGON AT

THE CORNER OF 2nd AVENUE

AND 16th STREET.

THANKS FOR YOUR INFORMATION.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF IT

IMMEDIATELY.

SCAT! SCAT!

GIVE ME A CIGAR.

YES, SIR.

A NICE CIGAR COMING UP.

THERE YOU ARE, SIR.

CASH.

HERE I AM.

WELL, WELL, WELL, WELL!

SHE JUST WANTED TO COME

AND SEE HER UNCLES BEFORE

WE WENT FOR A WALK.

THAT'S FINE.

YOU TAKE GOOD CARE OF HER,

MRS. McTAVISH.

DON'T YOU WORRY.

I'LL TAKE GOOD CARE OF HER,

AS THOUGH SHE WERE

MY OWN LASSIE.

THAT'S GOOD.

HAVE A NICE TIME.

WAIT A MINUTE,

I'VE GOT SOMETHING FOR YOU.

YOU GUESS WHICH HAND IT'S IN

AND I'LL GIVE IT TO YOU.

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

BYE.

BYE, UNCLE STAN.

GOOD-BYE.

BYE, UNCLE OLLIE.

GOOD-BYE.

BYE, UNCLE OLLIE.

GOOD-BYE.

BYE, UNCLE OLLIE.

GOOD-BYE, DARLING.

AH, GOOD MORNING, SIR.

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

I WANT SOME INFORMATION.

YES, SIR, WE HAVE SOME

HAMBURGERS, FRANKFURTERS,

CHOCOLATE CAKE--

OH, NO, NO, NO, THAT IS NOT

THE INFORMATION THAT I DESIRE.

IT'S COME TO MY ATTENTION

THAT YOU TWO MEN HAVE IN YOUR

POSSESSION A CHILD TO WHICH

YOU HAVE NO LEGAL RIGHT.

WHAT'S IT TO YOU?

AS AN OFFICER IN THE EAST

SIDE WELFARE ASSOCIATION,

I INTEND TO PLACE THAT CHILD

IN AN ORPHANAGE WHERE

SHE BELONGS.

OVER OUR DEAD BODY, YOU'LL

PUT HER IN AN ORPHANAGE.

YOU MEAN YOU REFUSE

TO GIVE HER UP?

WE CERTAINLY DO.

HMM.

VERY WELL, THEN.

I'LL SWEAR OUT A WARRANT

FOR YOUR ARREST.

AND I'LL HAVE THAT CHILD

IN THE ORPHANAGE TONIGHT.

HEY.

HOW MUCH WOULD YOU

CHARGE ME TO HAUNT A HOUSE?

UHH!

SAY, HE CAN'T DO THAT,

CAN HE?

YOU HEARD WHAT HE SAID,

DIDN'T YOU?

WE HAD BETTER GET THAT KID

MOVED TO ANOTHER STREET

SO THEY CAN'T FIND US.

MOVE TO ANOTHER STREET?

WE'VE GOTTA RAISE SOME MONEY

AND GET TO ANOTHER STATE.

I WISH WE HADN'T BOUGHT

THE WAGON.

IT'S A GOOD THING WE'VE GOT

THE WAGON.

DRIVE ME TO THE FIRST

NATIONAL BANK.

WHAT FOR?

WE'LL REFINANCE

OUR BUSINESS.

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO

WITH THE WAGON?

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO

WITH THE WAGON?

DRIVE ME TO THE BANK, AND

DON'T ASK ANY MORE QUESTIONS.

I'LL PACK UP ON THE WAY.

AND, LISTEN, DON'T HIT

ANYTHING!

OH, I HOPE HE--

GET ME SOME CIGARS.

WE'VE GOT TO DO

THIS THING RIGHT.

FIX YOUR TIE.

YOU LOOK TERRIBLE.

NOW, COME ON.

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING.

THANK YOU.

ARE YOU THE PRESIDENT?

NO. WHAT IS YOUR BUSINESS?

WELL, OUR BUSINESS

IS WITH THE PRESIDENT.

HAVE YOU AN APPOINTMENT?

NO.

I'M SORRY,

BUT YOU CAN'T SEE HIM.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,

WE CAN'T SEE HIM?

I SAID YOU CAN'T SEE HIM.

WE CAN SEE HIM

IF WE WANT TO.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS.

JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT

THE PRESIDENT, YOU CAN'T TALK--

I SAID YOU CAN'T SEE HIM.

JUST A MINUTE, SAUNDERS.

DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE

EXCEEDING YOUR AUTHORITY?

MY OFFICE IS OPEN TO

THE PUBLIC AT ALL TIMES.

GENTLEMEN, STEP THIS WAY,

PLEASE.

COME RIGHT IN, GENTLEMEN.

HAVE A CIGAR.

THANK YOU.

WON'T YOU SIT DOWN?

THANK YOU.

PARDON ME.

JUST A SLIGHT MISTAKE.

HAVE A CIGAR.

THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.

NOW, TO GET DOWN

TO BUSINESS.

YES, UH, PARDON ME

JUST A MOMENT.

GIVE ME ANOTHER WEENIE.

NOW, THEN GENTLEMEN,

WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

WE'D LIKE TO NEGOTIATE

A LITTLE LOAN.

HMM.

HAVE YOU ANY COLLATERAL?

WELL, I'M SORRY, WE HAVEN'T

ANY COLLATERAL.

WE FIGURED TO PUT UP OUR

BUSINESS AS SECURITY.

HEH HEH.

AND WHAT IS YOUR BUSINESS?

THE RESTAURANT BUSINESS.

HERE IN TOWN?

OH, ALL OVER TOWN.

HERE, THERE, AND THITHER.

HEH HEH HEH.

HMM, CHAIN BUSINESS.

NO, RESTAURANT.

YOU'LL HAVE TO PARDON

MY FRIEND.

HE'S NOT VERY FAMILIAR WITH

THESE BIG BUSINESS DEALS.

THAT'S QUITE ALL RIGHT.

WHAT IS THE NAME OF YOUR FIRM?

LAUREL AND HARDY,

PATRONS TO THE ELITE.

HOW MUCH DO YOU REQUIRE?

I THINK A COUPLE OF THOUSAND

DOLLARS WOULD TIDE US OVER.

I DON'T THINK WE'LL HAVE

ANY DIFFICULTY ABOUT THIS,

GENTLEMEN.

IF YOU, UH, GIVE ME A LITTLE

TIME ON IT, I'LL HAVE OUR

APPRAISERS DROP IN AND

SEE YOU TOMORROW.

WE CAN'T WAIT

TILL TOMORROW.

AND IS THAT PART

OF YOUR BUSINESS?

PART OF IT?

THAT'S ALL OF IT.

ALL OF IT?

YES, SIR.

NOW THAT THAT'S ALL SETTLED,

COULD WE HAVE THE MONEY

RIGHT AWAY?

WHY, TO LEND YOU $2,000 ON

A BUSINESS LIKE THAT, I'D HAVE

TO BE UNCONSCIOUS.

LOOK, HE'S UNCONSCIOUS.

IT'S A GOOD THING YOU

STOPPED.

I'VE BEEN CHASING YOU

FOR THREE BLOCKS.

HERE, YOU DROPPED THIS

UP THERE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH HIM?

IT'S THE SUDDEN SHOCK,

OFFICER.

THIS IS HIS LIFE SAVINGS.

YOU HAD BETTER PUT IT IN

THE BANK WHERE IT'S SAFE.

YES, SIR, WE WILL.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

GOOD-BYE.

TWO.

OH.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

I JUST HEARD A RUMOR THAT

YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE.

YOU HAD BETTER GET OVER

THERE QUICK.

WHAT HOUSE?

OH, I JUST TOLD HER THAT

TO GET RID OF HER.

COME ON, GET THAT TRUNK,

AND THEN GET PACKED.

WE'VE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

COME ON, SWEETHEART.

NOW, YOU STAY RIGHT THERE.

OH, I'VE GOT TO HIDE.

OOH.

NOW, YOU LAY RIGHT THERE.

STAY COVERED AND DON'T MOVE.

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO?

I GOT LOCKED IN.

WELL, WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME

IT WAS YOU?

IT WAS SO DARK I DIDN'T

THINK YOU'D HEAR ME.

I'M SCARED.

OH, COME ON AND GET THAT

TRUNK PACKED.

DON'T YOU KNOW THEY'RE

COMING?

WHERE'S THE BABY?

I BEG YOUR PARDON, BUT CAN

YOU TELL ME WHERE THOSE TWO

MEN LIVE THAT RUN THAT LUNCH

COUNTER ACROSS THE STREET?

YEAH, OVER THERE IN

THE BROWNSTONE, UPSTAIRS.

OOH!

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

LOOK, THEY'RE COMING!

COME ON, WE'VE GOT TO GET

OUT OF HERE.

JUST TAKE HER.

HIDE HER UP THE CHIMNEY.

OH, WE CAN'T DO THAT.

PUT HER OVER THERE.

HIDE HER SOMEWHERE.

WAIT A MINUTE, YOU.

GET OUT OF THERE.

PUT HER IN THE DUMBWAITER

WHILE I GET THINGS CLEANED UP.

BE NONCHALANT.

NOT HERE.

PICK SOMEWHERE ELSE.

COME IN.

GOOD AFTERNOON.

WELL, GETTING READY

TO LEAVE, EH?

I GUESS WE'RE JUST IN TIME.

WHERE'S THAT BABY?

WHAT BABY?

SEARCH THE PLACE.

GET OFF THERE.

GO ON, GET OUT OF HERE.

HEY, COME OUT OF THERE.

THAT'S NO PLACE FOR YOU

TO PLAY.

GO AND SIT OVER THERE UNTIL

I GET THROUGH.

TRY THE KITCHEN.

WATCH THAT DOOR.

OOH!

GET AWAY.

GET BACK, GET OUT OF THE WAY.

WELL, I GUESS

THE GAME IS UP.

I THOUGHT YOU'D COME

TO YOUR SENSES.

WHERE IS SHE?

UP ON THE ROOF.

GET THAT LADDER.

SHH.

OPEN THAT DOOR!

QUICK, GO TO THE DUMBWAITER

AND SEND IT BACK FOR ME.

OOH!

HEY, HURRY AND SEND IT UP.

OPEN THAT DOOR IN THE NAME

OF THE LAW.

OH, HURRY!

OH, HURRY.

SEND IT!

HEY, HEY, HEY!

SEND IT UP!

OH!

OHH!

QUICK, DOWNSTAIRS!

OH, QUICK, LET'S HIDE.

HERE.

DID YOU SEE ANYTHING

OF THEM?

THEY DIDN'T COME OUT HERE.

WATCH THE SIDE ENTRANCE.

WE'LL SEARCH THE BASEMENT.

COME ON.

SEARCH THAT COAL BIN.

SHH.

GET OUT OF HERE!

HERE THEY ARE.

NOW, DON'T GET EXCITED, DEAR.

IS THIS THE PAIR, SIR?

YES, THAT'S THEM.

DID YOU GET THE MONEY?

HERE YOU ARE, SIR.

COME ON, YOU TWO.

GET GOING.

WAIT A MINUTE.

IS THIS BOY WITH YOU

EDDIE SMITH?

SURE.

OH, MOTHER.

YES, DEAR?

MOTHER, LOOK HERE.

MY BOY.

YES.

WHY, I--

ARE YOU EDDIE'S FATHER?

YES.

WELL, CAN YOU BEAT THAT?

YOU KNOW, WE'VE BEEN

LOOKING FOR YOU FOR MONTHS,

MR. SMITH.

YOU HAVE?

YES, THAT'S EDDIE'S BABY.

WHAT?

WHY, OH, MY DEAR.

OH, EDDIE'S BABY.

OH, DARLING.

OH, OFFICER,

RELEASE THESE GENTLEMEN.

DINNER IS SERVED, SIR.

ARRANGE FOR THREE MORE,

MEADOWS.

VERY GOOD, SIR.

GEE, WE HAD A LOT OF TROUBLE

FINDING YOU, MR. SMITH.

WELL, BOYS, YOU CAN PACK UP

YOUR TROUBLES FROM NOW ON.

SEE, AIN'T THAT GREAT?

NO MORE TROUBLES.

NO MORE--

WHAT? WHAT--WHAT--

WHATEVER'S THE MATTER, PIERRE?

LISTEN, YOU, IF YOU WANT

COMPANY FOR DINNER,

YOU CAN COME OUT

AND COOK IT YOURSELF.

WHY, I, UH--

WELL, IF IT AIN'T

THE SNITCHES.

AND I GOT MY KNIFE.

OHH!