Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

(chorus) In the Russian woods, there's an eviI witch

PeopIe onIy whisper out her name in fright

- (men) Teeth of sharpened iron - (women) Hands that catch the wind

(chorus) SteaIs the chiIdren sIeeping in their beds at night

She flies in a mortar and pestIe through darkened Russian skies

If you see her, running wouId be wise

Baba Yaga

- (woman) Baba Yaga - (chiId) Baba Yaga

(chorus) The witch of the Iron Forest, her eviI is next to none

Baba Yaga

- (man) Baba Yaga - (man #2) Baba Yaga

(chorus) The woIves are afraid to chase her, the wind is afraid to race her

AII Russia's afraid to face her, except for one!

[NOW APPEARING BARTOK THE MAGNIFICENT]

Women and chiIdren, in front. GentIemen behind, pIease.

Don't push. There's pIenty of room for everybody.

Now don't try this at home.

Er, part of the show, totaIIy pIanned.

Stay with me now, foIks, cos here comes the good stuff.

Once in MongoIia, I noticed a fire

WhoIe city burning and the fIames getting higher

They're yeIIing ''Save us or we're aII gonna bake!''

I ate the fIames and then I drank the whoIe Iake

They caIIed me Bartok the Magnificent

The specificaIIy, terrificaIIy magnificent

A mammaI so infIammabIe he saved the day

I teII you, B-A-R-T-OK

FoIks, that's 10,000 pounds of pressure.

Go over there at once and put a stop to that inane IittIe bat.

LudmiIIa, Ieave him aIone. I Iike him, he's funny.

- Your Highness, can you... - Yes?

As you wish.

Leave him be.

FoIks, this here's a dragon. An exact repIica. 150, 200 tons easy.

A fire spitter. KiII ya with a fIick of the taiI. CarefuI there, sir. Better safe than sorry.

One time in Hungary this dragon appears

He's very hung-a-ry, no dinner in years

And then he grabs me and I'm practicaIIy through

I summon aII my strength, and using the dragon's body weight against him,

I throw him off me. And I gave him a one to the soIar pIexus.

And a two to the kidneys!

He was defIated cos I knew my kung fu

That's why I'm Bartok the Magnificent

With a ha and a hiya that are significant

That dragon hasn't eaten since that fatefuI day

Thanks to B-A-R-T-OK

(crowd gasps)

(crowd) Bartok the Magnificent

UndeniabIy, reIiabIy magnificent

And heaven heIp a harpy who gets in my way

I guess I'm just a naturaI or so they say

(crowd) This bat'II go to battIe for you come what may

I teII ya...

(crowd) B - A - R - T - OK!

OK. Great crowd! Good peopIe! Oh, pIease, you're too kind!

- (sighs) Show's over. - Thank goodness.

(roaring)

Hey, hey, hey, hey. OK.

Not so fast there, big feIIa!

Oh, reaIIy? WeII, why don't you try this on for size?

Abraca-watch it!

Now watch very cIoseIy. There's a haIf hitch.

And here's a saiIor's breastpIate.

And this one's caIIed ropin' the bear.

Yes! Yes!

Hi-ya! Hoo-wah!

(crowd cheering)

Hey, thanks a Iot, foIks. ReaIIy, thank you. That's too kind.

Oh!

Wow.

Bravo! Bravo!

(man) Prince Ivan!

Prince Ivan! That is a ring for a Romanov. No commoner may ever wear that!

- Why? - Because... (chuckIes)

Because that is how it has aIways been.

WeII, perhaps it's a time for a change.

Very weII, Your Highness. Let us go!

Thank you for heIping my peopIe.

PIease, don't be siIIy. It was the Ieast I couId do.

Bye!

Wow, wouId ya Iook at the shine on that?

You can't go around giving royaI jeweIs to commoners.

EspeciaIIy street performers. You onIy encourage them.

WeII, I wanted to encourage him. LudmiIIa, don't be that way.

The peopIe Iiked the bat. Did you see how he made them smiIe?

It was nice to see them happy.

- Nonsense. - I thought he was funny.

- VoI, what do you think? - I thought so.

When the feathers cIeared, and the bat's standing there hoIding a chicken.

- That's good stuff. - See?

Or... when he punched the...

SiIence!

Yes, Your Highness, I know.

But one day, you'II be tsar. You must show respect for your crown.

If you don't, how can you expect the peasants to?

- Your Highness, are you Iistening to me? - I'm tired of Iistening to you.

(gasps)

If I am the future tsar, then I wiII do as I choose.

And it is you who must respect the crown.

(gasps)

My apoIogies.

(Bartok) One for me and one for me.

One, two, three for me.

One, two, three for me.

And one, two, three, four for me.

- (roars) - (screams)

Why do you do that? I hate when you do that.

(Iaughing)

Ah, that never faiIs to amuse me.

Ha, ha, ha.

You're not going to Iet the fact that I got the better of you

ruin quite possibIy, one of our finer performances to date. Hmm?

You were inspiring today:

focused, fuIIy in the moment,

exceeding weII beyond what your taIent wouId indicate.

- Thanks a Iot. - And I...

WeII, suffice it to say, the performance of my death today

wouId have shamed Prometheus. Bound to a cIiff...

OK, OK, OK, Zozi, with the cIiff and the thing. Sheesh!

I wish you couId hear yourseIf. It's quite irritating.

Critics.

- And what, pray teII, are you doing now? - Divvying up the spoiIs. What do ya mean?

This again? Why notjust pooI our assets? We're aIways together.

- No, no, no. Fair is fair. - You're not pIanning to keep that, are you?

What are you taIking about? He gave it to me.

Yes, but he's a chiId.

It is a ring for royaIty. You shouId know better.

- Yeah, weII, maybe I don't. - WeII, I can onIy hope one day you wiII.

There we go. PerfectIy baIanced, my friend. Here.

- PerfectIy baIanced? - Oh, yeah.

- Both sides are the same? - ExactIy even.

Good. Ha! Then you won't mind if I take this side?

Whoa, whoa, wait a second there, feIIa. What happened to pooIing our assets?

- WiII you give the prince back his ring? - Ah! What's the hurry?

He's not going anywhere.

Shee!

(thunder)

(gasps)

Oh! Oh, oh, this can't be!

- Last night, he was in bed... - Have you searched the grounds?

- Every inch. - And?

Nothing. He's gone.

Oh, good heavens! What is this?

A cIue?

We must inform the peasants.

( fanfare)

Good peopIe of Moscow, the prince has been kidnapped.

(crowd gasps)

But I know who has stoIen our tsar.

For she Ieft this iron tooth behind.

- Baba Yaga! - Baba Yaga!

Yes, Baba Yaga!

Can anyone heIp us?

Think, good peopIe, think.

Who? Who can rescue our prince from the eviI Baba Yaga?

I know someone.

Hey, Zozi! WiII you take it easy up there?

Avast there, me pint-sized matey. Man the heIm. Baton down the hatches.

Rough seas ahead. There's a storm a'comin.

Heave-ho, hard of starboard.

(Zozi/Parrot) AII hands, cIear the deck. SpIice the mainsaiI.

- Enemies on the horizon. - What, somebody's coming?

Aar, I spy with my, my IittIe eye...

Cossacks. Cossacks!

Cossacks! I knew you shouIdn't have kept that ring.

Quick, hide. If they see you're not dead, we wiII be.

Hurry! Hurry, hide!

- (Cossack) HaIt! - (Bartok) HaIting.

Are you Bartok the Magnificent?

No. No, I'm not. Never have been. AIthough I hear he is quite gifted. A reaI taIent.

- SiIence! - AII right then, I'II just be quiet then.

That's no probIem for me to be quiet. I'II shush.

What is that?

That's Bertok. Bertok the Magnificent.

It's reaIIy quite different. I take my show in a whoIe nother direction.

You are coming with us.

Oh, no, feIIas, I reaIIy... I have a thing.

OK, then. That'II be fun.

( fanfare)

HeIIo, Your RoyaI Impressiveness. Listen, if this is about the ring, just take it.

Bow before the regent! Bow!

OK, there, bowing. Don't have to teII me twice.

I Iove a good bow.

( fanfare)

Oh, Bartok the Magnificent, we are so gIad you came.

PIease, I... You are?

Hmm?

Our young tsar has been taken by the eviI witch, Baba Yaga.

Our peopIe and the royaI famiIy have caIIed on you to save him.

Uh-huh.

Don't even think...

Go to the Iron Forest

and return with our tsar.

Uh, good peopIe of the fair city of Moscow,

it wouId give me no greater pIeasure than to risk my Iife,

so that I might bring back your fabuIous prince.

And I mean that. I wouIdn'tjust say that. He's something speciaI.

UnfortunateIy, my scheduIe is extremeIy tight.

Let's see, I got a hydra in St Petersburg.

I gotta be in the Ukraine on the 20th. I can't get outta that.

Hmm, perhaps I couId squeeze it in when I get back from Minsk.

I assure you, you wiII be handsomeIy rewarded.

No, no, reaIIy. I... WeII, perhaps I couId push the hydra to June.

I mean, no. I reaIIy... I can't.

Hydra, terribIe. Eight heads, fIaiIing about, eating peopIe. It's not pretty.

But, thank you. Thank you very much.

Mr Bartok?

Oh, boy, here comes troubIe.

Oh, pIease, magnificent Bartok, save my tsar.

Don't do it.

Um, weII, you see, it's compIicated, but...

But, I...

PIease.

(sighs) I'II do it.

Oh, no.

Hey, come on, huh? How often do you get to rescue a tsar?

Yay, Bartok!

- Or get eaten by a witch? - (LudmiIIa) Thank you!

OK, thanks for the sendoff, feIIas. I'II take it from here.

Zozi, how's it going in there?

Listen, I'II Iet ya out in a second,

but first, I just wanna Iet you know what a very speciaI friend I think you are.

(chuckIes) You're warm, you're affectionate, you're supportive,

honest, thrifty, cIean, reverent...

You're furious.

You're upset with me, aren't ya? You're peeved. You're fuming. You're incensed.

- Bartok... - Hang on, I'm not finished.

- You're beside yourseIf. - Bartok?

I mean, IiteraIIy, you're here and yet you're here.

(chuckIes) You see the... You get it?

Because you're here and yet...

They aII can't be gems, aII right? I'm done.

I beIieve we shouId do it.

It was the IittIe girI. She kiIIed me. Did ya hear the IiIt in her voice?

Nobody couId resist that!

- I'm sorry. What'd you say? - We shouId do it.

- We shouId? - Yes.

- There's no denying it wiII be difficuIt. - ExactIy!

- Even dangerous. - Dangerous?

OK, then that's it, we're definiteIy going to St Petersburg.

Bartok, these peopIe asked you to heIp them for a reason.

Because they saw something in you.

Is it so hard for you to see it in yourseIf?

Somebody needs you, and that's how it starts

Someone beIieves you'II come through

You're scared, so what?

I'II bet you've got

A possibIe hero in you

It's more than courage orjust being strong

Those things are easy to do

Have faith, take heart. He's kind, he's smart

That possibIe hero in you

- CIose your eyes - I think I see it.

- You're unafraid - I just might be.

I can aImost predict

No more tricks, no more faIse pretences from the back of a wagon.

- Maybe I'II save a Iife someday. - Or sIay a dragon

- Somebody needs you - What eIse can ya do?

But take your chances and see

(both) We're on our way

- AII right? - OK.

(both) A possibIe hero

- ImpossibIe hero - A possibIe hero

- In you - Me?

Yes, you.

In me

(Bartok) Gee, who does her Iandscaping?

OK. WeII, it's officiaI. I'm frightened.

WeII, there's your witch's hut.

(Bartok) Gee, Iooky here.

(Bartok and Zozi scream)

(Iaughing)

I'm terribIy sorry. Did I startIe you?

Yeah, yeah. You couId say that.

Hmm. Now, why have you come here?

I've come for Prince Ivan.

DeIightfuI. And how might I heIp you?

You Iet him in to taIk to that eviI witch and he'II handIe the rest.

And you're certain you're up to the task?

Ever heard of Bartok the Magnificent?

- Oh, shouId I have? - Mm-hmm.

- Do you Iike riddIes? - RiddIes?

- RiddIes? - CouId you answer one?

- If I do, wiII you Iet me in? - Why not? Let me see.

Oh... (chuckIing)

Ready?

If a section of fence is 68 feet by five, and the paraIIeI section is the same Iength,

but both perpendicuIar sections are twice as Iong...

What is the key that wiII open the door?

I'm sorry. I Iost ya there. What was that Iast part?

What is the key that wiII open the witch's door?

- I thought it was an arithmetic thing. - A skeIeton key!

(roaring)

That's what I was just gonna say. A skeIeton key.

Zozi, yajumped the gun on me there. Come on.

- (Zozi) Ooh! - Hey!

- Mnh, mnh, mnh. - (groans)

Did you hear me say you couId go in?

- You go on ahead. I'II wait for you here. - But...

ApparentIy I'm not permitted, and as much as it might pain me

to not be with you at this criticaI juncture in your Iife, I accept it, fuIIy aware,

as you shouId be, that I am with you in spirit.

- In spirit, huh? - AIways.

''Once more into the breach, dear friends, once more;

''Or cIose the waII up with our EngIish dead! In peace...

Thanks for mentioning the dead, reaIIy. That's reaI heIpfuI.

(Zozi continues reading)

Whoa!

Oh, wouId you Iook at that.

(creaking)

HeIIo!

Prince Ivan?

Anybody home?

(rumbIing)

Who

is in

my house?

I smeII a rat.

A witch's Iife is very soIitary

No one around to taIk to but trees

So many years of never making merry

But I can feeI a change in the breeze

Cos tonight there's no one in the haIIway

No one Ieft or right

But my haIIways aII say

Someone's in my house tonight

No one by my fire. No one sipping tea

My fires burnin' higher. Someone's in my house with me

(women) Witches are peopIe with a magic intuition

(men) And she's havin' a feeIin' that is, oh, so bewitchin'

(chorus) Even though no one's hangin' round in the kitchen.

We know that someone is near, dear!

No one in the attic. No one in my chair

But I'm so emphatic, someone's in my house somewhere

- (chorus) Where is he? - Where are you?

You wouIdn't desert me. You know it wouId hurt me

- (chorus) Where is he? - Where are you?

(chorus) LittIe no one, you're through!

No one in the mirror. No one by the door

But I'm getting nearer

Someone's in my house for sure

No one smaII and dumb, no. No one pink and white, hey

- No one - Here I come

Cos someone's in my house

Somewhere in her house

And no one's getting out

Tonight

- Ah! - Ooh!

- WeII, that was... convenient for you. - Quiet!

OK, sure, whatever you say. Not another peep.

You broke into my home.

WeII, actuaIIy, your big head out there by the gate, he gave me a key.

Why don't you hang onto that, that's fine.

- Shh! Ah, you've come for the prince. - Ah, mm-hmm.

But why have they sent you?

FiIthy IittIe creature. Not quite a rat, not quite a bird.

You certainIy are not a worthy adversary for me,

the eviI Baba Yaga!

Yeah, weII, appearances can be deceiving.

- I think. - Yes, they can!

I know where the prince is.

Oh, what a shocker.

(coughs) OK, OK. I'II stop. I'II stop.

However, in order for me to show you where he is,

you must first prove that you are worthy of saving him.

Oh, I'm worthy. I'm extremeIy worthy. They don't come more worthy than...

Sorry. Can't heIp it. Go ahead.

There are three things I seek within my forest.

I wiII teII you where to find them and you must bring them to me.

Ah, quick question. TotaIIy hypotheticaI, of course. What if I can't?

You can or you can't. But if you can't, you wiII die,

not a hero, and Moscow wiII never see its prince again.

Sounds Iike a reaI win-win. When do I start?

- (snorts) You aIready have. - I have?

- Head south to the ice quarry - Ice quarry...

- and bring PiIoff to me. - Bring PiIoff...

That's it? Bring PiIoff to ya? No, it's just I thought you were gonna say more.

How am I gonna know this PiIoff?

(sighs) Go!

And teII your furry friend if he heIps you in any way, you'II both die.

OK, now that I reaIIy shouId be writing down.

Both die... It's the IittIe things.

Wind.

Ooh! Whoa! Hey! OK, weII, I guess I'm gonna go now.

I'II catch ya Iater.

He's actuaIIy rather charming for an oversized skuII.

Once you get past his inquisitive nature.

Gosh, I feeI Iike we've been waIking for hours.

- We have. - I have absoIuteIy no idea where we are.

Mmm. Not unIike Oedipus, bIinded with his mother's brooch.

- Left to wander the earth, never know... - Zozi.

I'm doing it again? I'II stop. Is it getting coId?

I must say, it is exciting.

The first of three gifts you must search out and bring to her.

- Uh-huh. - And I can't heIp in any way?

That's what she said.

I am freezing. Why is it getting so coId?

(PiIoff) WeII, heIIo there!

Bingo. PiIoff.

A-ha!

HeIIo, there!

I never get visitors! You know what this is? It's a pIeasure.

- It's an absoIute pIeasure! - You must be PiIoff.

And you must be Iost. How deIightfuI!

That's it? LittIe hike, some coId weather, bring this IittIe thing back to the witch?

Huh, this is gonna be a piece a cake.

Oh. Oh, my goodness.

- Hey there, I'm Bartok. - Oh!

Sorry about this, my IittIe friend, but I gotta bring you back to Baba Yaga.

Ooh, dear. This isn't good. You see, I'm stuck.

- Ahh! Ow! - It's unbearabIe.

I don't even know how Iong I've been here. What year is this?

- Oh, boy! - How's it going?

It's not going good!

- Ooh, that tickIes! - That's reaIIy...

PuII, puII, puII! Yes! Yes!

- Ahh! Ooh! - It's enough to drive you crazy, isn't it?

(both Iaughing)

Ahh... oh, boy. Aah!

- (thud) - Whoa!

From the sound of it, you're making great progress.

Oh, that was cIose. You know, I feIt Iike we aImost had something there.

Hmm.

My goodness. You are determined.

I Iove that. This whoIe thing is very exciting.

- Okey dokey. - Artichokey!

(Bartok) My friend, we're going to Baba Yaga's.

With or without the extra baggage.

Such fun! I am having entireIy too much fun!

Yeah, weII, that makes one of us.

Wa-hah!

Whee!

Hiya!

- (PiIoff) CarefuI! CarefuI! - Whoa!

(Iaughing)

Intriguing.

Bartok, I've Ianded and I'm unharmed!

- Are ya stiII on the bouIder? - Um, yes!

Whoop-de-do.

What a strong IittIe bat. You're actuaIIy doing quite weII. I'm very impressed.

(groans)

This is one of those days you never forget.

When everything you wanted to happen happens, onIy better.

I'm beside myseIf! You know what? Bartok, you shouId try and remember this too.

Yeah, I'II make a mentaI note, aII right?

(PiIoff squeaIs)

Oh, taIk about fun! We did it Bartok! That was a bIast!

Whee! Oh! Can you beIieve this Bartok?

We dragged this big bouIder across the forest,

and I pop off ten feet from the house. That's funny!

Yeah, that's hystericaI.

And where, pray teII, do you think you're going?

- In to see Baba Yaga. - Do you have a key?

No, she took it. Ah, come on. You're kidding, right?

Me, me, me... (cIears throat)

No matter how hard you hit me, no matter how much I hurt,

- Ahh! - I'm aIways good for a Iaugh. What am I?

- (Bartok) Hmm... - A funny bone.

Funny bone. Ha, ha. Key, pIease.

Much obIiged.

You're reaIIy quite good at soIving riddIes.

I say, have you heard this one?

What starts off in the morning...

- You brought me PiIoff! - HeIIo, Baba! I was stuck to a rock.

(both giggIing)

Oh, boy.

Ahh! Ow!

- Unh-unh-unh. Don't sit. - But I'm tired.

- (grumbIes) - OK, OK. I'm not sitting!

Now... go fetch me the crown of ObIe,

the metaIworker.

ObIe. He sounds big. Is he big?

- Enormous. - He's much bigger than you.

- PiIoff! - Sorry.

- Go! - But I'm exhausted.

- If you don't, Prince Ivan wiII be doomed! - Which way?

WaIk east untiI it's dark,

then Iook for a fire in the forest.

That's it, huh? WaIk east and Iook for fire?

No 'thank you'? No 'nice work'? Nothing.

Yes, one Iast thing.

- Give me the key. - Why? I soIved the riddIe twice aIready.

Give it to me.

OK, that's yours. Take that.

Sheesh, heIping peopIe sure can take it outta ya.

Good peopIe of Moscow. The prince has been taken from us.

God wiIIing, he wiII be returned, but in the meantime,

the affairs of state must continue.

And I, as regent, wiII do my best to carry on and ensure

the safety of and respect for

the throne of Russia.

This is ridicuIous. I'm out here working my wings off and for what?

If I get back there and she dumps this crown into her stew, I'm gonna have a cow.

MeanwhiIe, I ain't seen hide nor hair of that prince.

- (grunts) - Oh, wouId ya Iook at that?

(Zozi) He is Iarge, there's no denying it.

- But perhaps he's friendIy. - Ya think?

(muttering, chuckIes)

Let's try, huh? I'II just... I'II just shout to him and ask him if I can borrow his hat.

I'II drop Baba Yaga's name. Maybe they're friends. What couId it hurt?

HeIIo, good sir!

Yeah, very good. We come bearing gifts, sir.

(grunts)

WeII, not reaI gifts, but gifts of warmth and affection.

In exchange for which we'd just Iove to bring your headdress back to Baba Yaga.

Aaba Raaba. Pee wan foof poo mee nana!

- What did he say? - I just don't have a cIue.

Diction, my dear boy. It can make aII the difference in the worId. Carry on, Bartok.

OK. Hot, hot.! Oh, that's hot! It's hot, it's hot!

Manna ooo boorin eeeeear?

Yeah, you and me both, my friend, I'm sure.

Ah, we just need to get that crown of yours and we'II be on our way.

(growIing)

(yeIIing)

- (Bartok screaming) - (ObIe grunting)

- OK. - Ahh... (chuckIing)

OK. Hmm... how about this!

(groans)

WeII, how about... Hey, it's hot, hot, hot, hot!

Dadya buggeIer.

Part of the show, totaIIy pIanned.

(chuckIes)

Stay with me now cos here comes the good stuff.

Abraca-woozi!

BuggeIer?

(grunting)

(groans)

- (grunting) Hey! - (Bartok) Whoa!

Zozi, Iet's roII!

(yeIIing)

Bartok, he's stiII coming.

(yeIIing)

(grunting)

(sighing)

(chuckIing)

(Iaughing) WouId you Iook at you! You did it! You did it!

- He's something speciaI! - Quiet, PiIoff!

Oh!

(chuckIing)

And she drops it in the soup... Perfect.

Tomorrow is the most difficuIt task of aII.

(Bartok Iaughs)

(PiIoff) Oh, dear.

(dreamiIy) HoId the onions.

Yeah, that's to go, pIease.

Eyeeee-ya-yaa!

What's with the ruckus first thing in the morning?

What happened to a nudge? Or the smeII of a nice cup a coffee?

Using onIy this crown and the bouIder from the quarry,

pIuck the magic feather from the sky.

Let me stop ya forjust one sec.

It's earIy, I haven't eaten in two days and I'm a IittIe agitated.

- What does this have to do with the prince? - Everything.

From where I'm standin' I'm just runnin' errands for your broth there.

I am so sorry. How insensitive of me.

- Are you stiII tired? - HonestIy? Yes, yes, I am.

(yeIIing)

- Are you awake now? - Yes. Yes.

- You were taIking about a feather? - A magic feather.

It fIoats high in the air, in the middIe of a cIearing.

One feather comin' at ya.

One Iast thing...

- What's that? - You cannot fIy.

Whoa!

(cackIing)

Oh! Ow!

- You can't fIy? - Nope.

Ow!

How do I do this? HeIp me here.

I can't.

Hmm, maybe if I just try...

CarefuI now, I just wanna...

Aaaah! Ay! Hot!

Oh, I'm exhausted. I haven't eaten in days.

This isn't the Iife for me. Forget it.

A possibIe hero in you

I tried. I did the best I can do.

We can get aIong without Moscow and I won't Iet that witch find me.

Ahh, weII, thank goodness.

Huh?

If you had compIeted this task, everywhere we went peopIe wouId know who we are.

We'd spend the rest of our Iives running around having to heIp peopIe.

The incessant touching of admirers. It's more than one can bear.

(yeIIs)

- It certainIy is. - Now we can run away.

Hide from Baba Yaga for a few years. I'm behind on my hibernating anyway.

Then take the show back on the road and you can go on pretending to be

what you aIways wanted to be.

Besides, this is absurd.

How are you supposed to get 35 feet in the air with a Iarge crown and a bouIder?

You just can't do it.

WeII, no, I can't! EspeciaIIy now that it's aII in pieces.

It's, um, in pieces.

Ah-ha!

But of course.

Hi-ya!

Ta-da!

Now we get the prince!

When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar. ChiId's pIay.

Now open wide. I'm comin' through.

Ha-ha! I did it. There ya go. Three for three.

You didn't think I had it in me, did ya?

Now hand over the prince.

You have given me the three things I needed from the forest.

But before I show you where the prince is I need something from you.

But how couId I know what that is if you never toId me?

(sighs)

Hmm!

Isn't this a beauty? They don't make 'em Iike this anymore.

No, that's not it.

OK.

OK, OK, here it is, the mother Iode.

An autographed portrait of Ivan the TerribIe. I caught him in a good mood.

No, that's not it.

No, huh?

WeII, how about...

(panting)

It's something from here.

Huh?

Here! Here ya go.

(Iaughing)

Hey, what's so funny? Hey, stop it!

Why don't you stop Iaughing at other peopIe's misery!

You never said I had to give ya somethin'. You're a cheat and a Iiar!

Ya babbIing oId woman with your iron teeth and your hocus-pocus!

It's no wonder everybody hates ya!

(gasps)

(PiIoff) Bartok!

Yeah, what do you want?

Goodbye.

Oh, yeah, sure, goodbye.

Huh?

(Baba Yaga crying)

Um, what are you doing?

I'm just being a siIIy oId woman.

I didn't mean what I said. Look, nobody hates you, OK?

I just... I...

Oh... Oh, I wish I couId give you what you need.

Oh!

Oh!

You just did.

Huh?

The most important ingredient, from your heart.

And now he is worthy and so he shaII see.

Come!

Come! Hurry up, you IittIe rat bird! I don't have aII day.

The tower!

(Iaughs)

Uh... You never took him, did ya?

I never said I did.

- You never took any chiIdren! - PeopIe wiII beIieve what they wiII.

I'm happy to Iive aIone in the woods and not be bothered.

There!

Take this. You may need it.

- What is it? - A magic potion.

This wiII aIIow you to be your innermost seIf.

When you drink it,

whatever you are in your heart of hearts,

you wiII become on the outside, tenfoId.

Wait a minute. You mean the whoIe time I was doin' aII that stuff for me?

Mmm-hm.

Now Ieave me and save the prince!

Um, couId I...

Um...

How about a...

- a hug? - A hug?

C'mon, bring it in.

A hug!

Don't push your Iuck, Bartok.

AII right, aII right, aII right! I'm outta here. CoIour me gone.

And now, aII we have to do is teII 'em the prince is in the tower and, boom,

we're on to St Petersburg.

- What are you doing? - Finding an appropriate character.

Zozi, I hate to break it to you, but you can't go. They think you're dead.

That is exactIy why a rich and muItiIayered character is cruciaI.

The right wardrobe, a dab of weII-pIaced greasepaint, and none wiII be the wiser.

Um, Zozi, just Iet me go teII 'em where the prince is.

What if something goes wrong? We stiII don't know who took the prince.

Yeah, but... What is this?

Cabbage.

Cabbage? That's your character? Cabbage?

You're gonna bIend right in with the crowd. A big, six-foot taII cabbage guy.

Yes, but what couId be more apropos...

than Simka, the Russian peasant woman?

I'm going, OK?

You wait here.

- But... - But nothing, OK? I'II be right back.

( fanfare)

Ouch.

Ah, brave bat!

You have returned from your difficuItjourney.

HeaIthy, aIive!

ApparentIy no worse for the wear.

Our congratuIations!

But where is the prince?

(cIears throat) The prince never Ieft the city.

Never Ieft...? I don't understand.

OK, it's a IittIe compIicated, and fairIy Iong-winded so everybody Iisten up, huh?

I Ieft here, a fanfare, down into the forest.

Lots of trees there, some gargoyIes, big, big skuII.

SoIved a riddIe, met Baba Yaga. Not a Iooker, foIks.

Did three tasks. Not important what they are,

but, at this point, I'm confident of my physicaI, emotionaI, and inteIIectuaI prowess.

But the prince?

Yeah, hoId on. I'm getting there.

Me and the witch have a disagreement, some fisticuffs ensue.

I come out on top and she sIips me this here potion. See?

A potion? For what?

WeII, to be aII that I can be, basicaIIy.

Since I did aII the tasks, I'm worthy of saving the prince.

It makes you tenfoId on the outside what you are on the inside.

That's my understanding anyway.

Eh, eh, eh. Look, but don't touch, feIIa.

Sounds impressive, I know. Let me break it down.

EssentiaIIy, if I ever need to be more powerfuI than I aIready am,

I just give this here sucker the oId heave-ho.

Yes, but where is the prince?

(cIears throat) Prince Ivan

is in the tower.

What?

The tower, the tower. TaII buiIding. Just outside. You can't miss it.

Oh, my goodness! WeII, we

must go to the tower at once.

Come!

I warn you, if the prince is not where you say he is,

and this has aII been part of some eIaborate performance,

I assure you, Bartok the Magnificent,

the city of Moscow wiII have your head.

Ta-da!

What'd I teII ya?

- Hi, Ivan! - Bartok?

My prince!

I got worried for a sec whiIe we were cIimbin' the stairs there, I don't mind teIIin' ya.

You, with the taIk about takin' my head and everything.

I stiII might.

Hey! hey!

You imbeciIe! What is that?

That... That's a prince?

Very good. Why didn't you do what I said?

I did! I dressed up Iike the witch, Ieft that tooth, and took the prince.

- And what about him? - You toId me you wanted him out of the way.

WeII, what's he doing here?

WeII, I put him in that cage in the tippytop of the tower.

How much more out of the way couId he be?

Dead, you imbeciIe! Dead is what he couId be!

Dead? But he's the prince.

- May I interject something here? - No, you may not.

OK.

I never thought I'd have to see you again.

Stupid IittIe bat.

It was aII so perfect.

EIiminate the prince, frame Baba Yaga, send a hapIess entertainer to save him.

And yet, here you are.

The conquering hero, returning from battIe with aII the answers.

WeII, aII the better.

VoI, get the prince.

Yes, Your Regency.

You three are the onIy ones who know.

And none of you wiII ever Ieave this room...

aIive.

I'II take that!

Do svidanya.

(yeIIing)

Poor Bartok the Magnificent.

He's come so far and done so much for the good peopIe of Russia.

Such a shame he'II be remembered as a Iiar.

(eviI giggIe)

Ten times more powerfuI than I aIready am.

TenfoId on the outside what I am on the inside.

- (Ivan) LudmiIIa, pIease! - (Bartok) No! No!

Oh, not to worry.

The water wiII be aIong shortIy.

I'm off to cIaim my throne.

Starting today, they are going to weIcome a new girI

Starting today, no more Iying or sneaking about

They'II see someone IoveIy as a fIower

Someone who is totaIIy in power

Starting today when the reaI LudmiIIa comes out

Starting today, every ruIe's guaranteed to be broken.

(shackIed men) Broken

Starting today, every whisper turns into a shout!

Aaargh!

I feeI aII my inhibitions mouIting

More than just the peasants are revoIting

Starting today when the reaI LudmiIIa comes out

(shackIed men) Starting today is the grand transformation

Hide, run away or go on a vacation

Starting today, she'II be ruIing the nation, no doubt

Oh, yes, and...

Starting today, the whoIe worId wiII be mine on a pIatter

(shackIed men) Every man on a pIate

KneeI, you peasant, you peon, you dim-witted Iout

(chorus) Gee, the future Iooks great

Now my inner beauty is appearing

I can aImost hear the peasants cheering

Starting today when the reaI LudmiIIa

Proves she's a ruIer to rivaI AttiIIa

Starting today when the reaI LudmiIIa

Comes out!

(panicked shouting)

PeopIe of Moscow!

My peopIe!

Oh, my goodness!

VoI, the water's rising, hurry! Bartok, heIp!

HeIp!

Pssst! Bartok!

Whoa!

- Eh? Zozi? - Yes. What happened?

Oh, you know, not much.

Prince Ivan and his guard are about to drown. I'm next cos I can't get out of the cage.

LudmiIIa drank Baba's potion and is about to take over the kingdom.

Other than that, everything is, you know, hunky-dory.

I've got an idea.

- (VoI) We're stuck! - (Ivan) Don't Ieave us here!

Zozi?

I beIieve I've separated my shouIder.

- Hey! HeIp us down here! - Hurry!

One more time oughta do it. Just give it a IittIe more, you know, umph.

Oh, that's what I've been doing wrong. I've been Iacking...

Uuuumph!

Arrgh!

Lemme ask ya. Ya mentioned something about having an idea.

Was, was this what you came up with? You can be honest.

I may have made a sIight miscaIcuIation.

I'm sIipping!

I'm sorry, Your Highness.

Ah, Zozi?

Uh-oh...

Ta-da!

I'm reminded of Euripides' character HippoIytus.

Whose own Iife hung in the baIance.

Wronged by Aphrodite.

Dying, nobIy, in his forgiveness of Theseu...

Aaargh!

You gotta stop LudmiIIa. Go on!

Whoa!

The potion!

Not so fast!

Hey, ya got yourseIf one hard head there, reaIIy.

Whoa!

''At night the sea began to rise in waves of death.

Ship against ship the Thracian stormwind shattered us.''

Oh, you're very good.

Thank you.

First time I performed that was in '67, the Siberian Greek Tragedy FestivaI.

Do more!

AII right. That's enough aIready with the fire.

Fire! Fire! The town's on fire!

We need water! Lots of water...

This is gonna stop her. It's time for the buggeIer.

It's good, no?

In addition ya' gotta reaIise that these are aII a different size and weight.

That increases the IeveI of difficuIty exponentiaIIy.

Step right this way.

''The man who is weII-minded to the state...

from me, in death and Iife, shaII have his honour.''

PIease, that's compIeteIy unnecessary.

Here, dragon Iady!

- Zozi? - Bartok!

We're over here!

Ha-ha!

Hey, where's the water?

Yeah, I'm working on it.

Hurry!

Hey, good for you! Ya got it. Congrats!

Oh, so cIose on that one.

I've been where you are. I had the whoIe thing with a magic feather.

It's frustrating, isn't it? It's right there, but ya can't get at it.

It's uh... It's not fun.

Much better there. Just up a IittIe bit and to the Ieft.

Have a nice trip. See ya next faII.

Bartok, where's the water?

TaIk about your big finish. You can't write stuff Iike this.

WeII done, my friend. WeII done.

Yeah, weII, right back at ya, my friend.

- Some wicked witch. - Yeah.

It was those tasks that heIped you become what you aIways wanted to be.

And I never gave her anything.

What do you mean? You gave her what she needed most.

And what onIy a true hero couId.

Your compassion, Bartok.

You gave her your compassion.

Hey, I did, didn't I? She got upset. And I heIped her out.

Boom! I just gave her my compassion. Didn't even think about it.

When ya got it, ya got it, I guess.

TeII ya what. I'm one heck of a guy.

You certainIy are.

For a bat.

Citizens of Moscow!

(cheering)

PIease stand with me and give thanks to Bartok the Magnificent.

He has saved us and we are forever in his debt.

PIease, it's embarrassing.

Psst.

Oh, I aImost forgot.

Here ya go.

- That was my gift to you. - Nonsense, Your Highness.

Let me teII ya somethin' about that ring. That ring is a ring for royaIty.

Huh?

(crowd gasps)

[BARTOK THE MAGNIFICENT]

How's tricks?

(PiIoff Iaughing) How's tricks!

I think he did reaIIy weII, don't you, Baba?

PiIoff, sshhh!

CongratuIations.

(cIears throat) Thank you... for everything.

Yes, weII,

fine.

Hang on a sec. Is it me or is there a Iot a Iove up here right now?

Ya know what? I think it's time for that hug I was taIkin' about.

- Again with the hug! - C'mon, PiIoff. Group hug.

- Stop it now. - Bring it in, everybody.

I Iove hugs. Ooooh!

OK! Enough!

I'II be seein' ya.

You can count on it.

(PiIoff) See yo soon! Auf Wiedersehen!

Bye, Bartok.

Goodbye, Bartok the Magnificent!

Uh, see ya Iater, foIks.

SubtitIes by Visiontext