All language subtitles for Paula and Jeff

As you know our company's
been bought by a larger company.

They have their own
marketing department.

And well.

It's so hard to say to
you, Paula, Gordell.

Give me a moment.

So we're all losing our jobs?

Yeah.

Yeah, me included.

I don't know why the hell they did it

on bring your kid to work day.

I don't know what I'm gonna tell her.

I don't want you to think
this is a reflection

on your performance or
your abilities, okay.

They're the bastards, okay.

You guys are.

You guys are like my family

and I know you're all gonna move on

to bigger and better things.

♪ Set the table ♪

♪ Stand the line ♪

♪ Hands in my way ♪

♪ I'm here at the line ♪

♪ Got a craving ♪

♪ For something sweet ♪

♪ Time to get ready ♪

♪ Go out and see ♪

♪ Each time I think I have it together ♪

♪ I go down and cry ♪

♪ Can't stop from thinking ♪

♪ About my wine ♪

♪ Guess I'll just grab another
bottle and stay inside ♪

♪ Have another cry ♪

- I can give you a hand.

- I'm good.

Ted's coming over.

- I can't believe you're moving out.

- Yeah, don't move in with your boyfriend.

- Why?

Do you not feel loved?

I love you and I will
be here all the time.

- Yeah, but you're not
gonna be paying rent.

- That is true.

You guys need to get a new roommate.

This place is too
expensive for two people.

- It is too expensive for Paula.

I'm covered.

I'm rolling in it.

- Ted's here.

- Right.

I'm not familiar with
that specific software,

but a lot of my skill
set from my last job.

Of course.

I am a really quick learner though.

Right.

Yeah, that makes sense

that you'd want someone
with more experience.

This might sound strange,

but do you know of anyone
else hiring in the field or?

Of course.

Yeah, I can Google.

If you wanna keep my resume on file.

Okay, yeah, thank you
so much for your time.

- Yeah, your book is actually pretty cool.

- Okay.

If you were a publisher, would you buy it?

- No.

- You just said it looked cool.

- It is.

It's totally cool.

It's totally cool and I did just say that,

but the concept is way too specific.

The American Revolution.

The founding fathers get the Salem witches

to teach them magic to help
them defeat the British.

It's awesome, but will it make money?

No.

And nobody wants to help you
unless it'll make them money

and that's why I'm doing the
dialogue for this bullshit.

Gypsy woman can control the
element of fire with her brain.

It's a total "Avatar the
Last Airbender" knockoff,

but publishers don't want original.

They want more of the same
'cause people just want

what they already have.

"Transformers Two," "Transformers Three."

The Ninja Turtle movie.

"Transformers Four."

Hey, I'm not saying it's great.

Michael Bay can go fuck himself.

- I actually think that
could make somebody money

if someone was willing to put
it somewhere people would see.

- Yeah, I guess it's a catch 22.

- I'm asking if you will show it

to one of your publisher friends, please.

- Then just say that next time.

Yes, I will show them.

But.

Gotta change that shirt.

- There's still some good
stuff on here though.

Should I eat it?

I won't do it.

- Jeff, you gotta move on.

You gotta put yourself
out there 'cause she has.

- I don't think so.

- Think so.

Girls always move on fast.

See externally they seem
more hurt in the beginning

and they probably are
hurt more in that moment,

but then they rip the bandaid off.

And us guys, we just wallow.

It's probably a testament to our depth.

Tell me you just saw
that girl right there.

- This is the spot where I fell for Emily.

She put her arms around
me and I was a goner.

- Are you hearing yourself right now?

- This is our spot.

- I don't think
she feels the same way.

- In that moment it was just me and her.

- And that guy.

- Huh?

- That guy right there.

Who's that guy with Emily?

- Maybe a friend.

- Maybe a friend?

Friend's don't do that, Jeff.

I'm a find out.

Hey.

Jeff, you gotta stop coming to places

that remind you of her.

You gotta stop doing this to yourself.

- Did she see?

- Nah, she didn't see,

but she's definitely
looking over here now.

- Yeah.

- Hey, what are you up to?

- I can't really talk right now.

- Because he's stalking his ex.

- Jeff, are you serious?

- Can I just call you later?

- Okay, I need to
get out of this apartment.

- Okay fine.

Taco truck 7:30.

- Okay, I'll
probably meet you there.

- She gone?

- Nah, she ain't gone.

They are definitely
making out really hard.

And this guy, he's creeping me out.

♪ The way that you are ♪

♪ You take it too far ♪

♪ All I need ♪

- Well a friend of mine
got me an interview,

but it's back home.

I'm not opposed to moving to Seattle.

- You know I'll miss you,

but you gotta do what you gotta do.

- Yeah, I guess.

I guess you do.

I don't know.

I have to go to Seattle
for the interview anyway.

- They don't have Skype or a phone?

- I have Skype interviewed.

They wanna meet me in
person to offer me the job.

- So they fly you up?

- No, it's an art department job.

I wanted to go there.

- Man, I should go in your stead.

Like that movie "Surrogates".

You seen that?

- No.

- Me neither.

I assume that's what it's about.

When do you have to let them know by?

- Well, the interview's
not 'til next week,

so I guess like tomorrow.

- Here's an idea.

I'll drive you up.

I've been wanting to get
out of the city for a bit.

It's an excuse.

- She's still gonna be
here when you get back

and she's still gonna be not dating you.

- Ouch.

- No, I'm just saying.

Feels like you'd like to
runaway from your problems.

- Yeah, I know.

It's a perfectly good thing to do.

I don't know why I get such a bad rap.

We could pack up and be gone in an hour.

- Why would we leave in an hour?

I'm not leaving in an hour.

- All right.

First thing in the morning.

There are a bunch of great
places we can stop along the way.

I've never driven that far north.

Emily wanted to but we couldn't figure--

- Okay, okay, stop.

If you.

If you promise not to
talk about Emily, I'll go.

- Don't toy with me.

I'm serious here.

- I mean.

Yeah okay.

My brother's in San Francisco.

We can stay with him and his wife.

- All right.

I can be ready in an hour.

- No.

- Yes.

- Tomorrow morning though for sure.

Cheers.

- Cheers.

- Oh my god.

Ready to go?

- Hell yeah.

- Let's do it.

I'm not interviewing to be a park ranger.

- There are a ton of cool places
we can camp on the way up.

- I didn't bring any of my stuff.

- You don't need any.

I have so much gear.

- Do you have a sleeping bag for me?

- You can fill this tarp with leaves.

That's what a sleeping bag is.

♪ Hey when I was a kid ♪

- Maybe I should move, you know.

Shake things up.

Try something new.

Could be good for me.

- I did always wonder why you stayed

in Los Angeles after college.

- 'Cause everybody else did.

Didn't you just hang out
for awhile after school?

- No.

I went to school in Ohio.

I hate being cold and it is
cold in Ohio all the time.

I left for LA the day I graduated.

Would you ever live in San Francisco?

- I mean, I wouldn't not live there.

I just can't imagine why I'd end up there

over virtually any other city.

- If you were gay.

- I mean, I could live
anywhere if I were gay.

- Well sure but you
might wanna live there.

I mean, if I heard of a
city that was compromised

mostly of women and many
of them were attracted

to smaller, nerdier looking guys,

I would move there in an instant.

- So you make your life choices

based on the makeup of women in cities?

- I'm making a point.

- No, you're not.

- All right fine.

You're gay.

Where do you live?

- Where does your mom live?

Ooh.

- No.
- Snap, high five.

That was a good one.

♪ Hope you understand ♪

♪ I'm out of the woods now ♪

♪ And into the sunshine ♪

- Hi.

- Hi.

This is Mikey's wife Sarah
and this is my friend Jeff.

- Hey oh.

- Hey.

- We were thinking we would take you guys

down to the waterfront.

- Okay, you guys wanna go now?

- Yeah.
- Ready to go.

- Where you going?

- I'm going to the bathroom.

Did you need to know that?

Did they need to know that?

- So.

Little melodramatic.

- Okay, ready to go.

- Oh, you could not have washed your hands

in that amount of time.

- Holy Jesus.

- There was a guy with me actually

and he didn't believe that I seen

three foxes outside the
tent but I wasn't wrong.

- Well, could've been bears.

- Could've been bears.

- Hey speaking of food,
you guys are hungry right?

- I'm so hungry.

- Well, you like Italian?

- Yes, yes.

- We actually come to this place

like practically every week so.

- Oh no.

I hate this place.

- What are you talking about?

- Oh no, this place is really gross.

The marinara's all watery.

- No.

- And there's little
chunks of tomatoes in it.

- It's not.

- So it's like tomato water.

- No, you're thinking
of the wrong restaurant.

This is the one that every
time we go, you walk in,

and you're like oh this is the one I like.

- It's okay.

We don't have to do Italian.

We can do whatever.

- It happens every time we go.

- Oh, oh yeah this place.

Yeah, I love this place.

Okay, let's go.

Apartment's small but we've
got a couch and bed floor.

- It's fine.

- Okay.

Let me get you some stuff, okay.

- Goodnight you guys.

- Goodnight.

- Goodnight.

Your brother flies planes?

- Yeah, he's a pilot.

- Okay, here's a blanket
and a blanket and a blanket

and a pillow and a pillow and a pillow.

Okay.

- Thank you.

- You guys all set?

- Yes.

- Okay.
- Thanks for letting us stay.

- Yeah, no problem, all right.

Goodnight.

- Goodnight.
- Goodnight.

- Did you give them blankets?

- Yeah and pillows.

- Did you put sheets on the couch?

- Why would I
put sheets on a couch?

- To make it more like a bed.

- No, that's dumb.

- Oh, so what I say is dumb?

Great.

- That's not what I'm saying.

I'm saying we just have sheets for a bed.

They don't fit on a couch.

If you try to put them
on a couch, it doesn't.

It's just stupid.

- Well, it's called
being hospitable, okay.

Is your sister not a homeless person?

- Why would we
even have a homeless person

sleeping on our couch?

- That isn't the point.

- You know what?

If we did have a homeless
person, I would put down a sheet

because they're sleeping on the couch.

So yes, in that one for
instance, you make sense.

- You know what?

Why don't you go sleep on the couch?

- I'm not gonna
go sleep on the couch.

- At least it's free.

- Yeah.

Maybe we should just go to sleep.

- How do you not know
what we're fighting about?

You wanna make somebody
feel welcome in your home.

You want nice things.

- Jeff.

Dude, let's go.

- I'm awake.

- Okay.

I wanna leave before they wake up

'cause I don't wanna hear
another one of their fights.

Okay.

Dude, come on.

- I'm awake.

I'm just gonna sleep in my hoodie now.

Told you.

Next stop, Avenue of the Giants.

- Like where Phil Simms.

Quarterback for the New York Giants.

Come on, that was hysterical.

Hysterical football joke I just made.

Sports.

- It's the Redwood National Forest.

- Yeah, I know.

Can we stop and get some coffee though?

I'm tired.

- Yeah, I could go for one.

Yeah, make it three.

- Oh my god.
- Oh god.

- I just need a little break.

You know how you can love somebody

and hate them at the same time.

- No.

- Well I was just gonna go
to breakfast with you guys.

I didn't expect to be 90 miles
from home when I woke up,

but I guess I'll just go to
Sacramento with you guys.

- We're not going to Sacramento.

We're going to Seattle.

- Oh, so a little farther.

Okay, I'll go.

- No one is inviting you.

- He can go.

- Yeah.

- Don't you have to talk
to your wife about this?

- She's not the boss of me.

I'm just gonna make a quick phone call.

- Look, it's fine but
you're gonna regret this.

- Me?

Siblings fight with each other

way before they fight with a stranger.

- That's funny, yeah.

- Okay, she's good.

- She's fine with you leaving for a week?

- Yup.

- That was like a 30 second conversation.

- Yeah, I left her a voicemail.

So what's up with you, dude?

No lady?

- We broke up but I'm
not talking 'bout it.

- Very good my young friend.

- Great.

- We were close to moving
in with each other actually.

Then we started fighting all the time.

- I think this counts as talking about it.

- Yeah, moving in can do that.

- Is it because I was
about to move in with her

or because that's just how
bad the relationship was

and there's somebody out there

where it's good with them all the time?

- No, it's not possible to have

anything be good all the time.

- What about sex?

- Oh no, no, I've had bad sex.

- Yeah, I've had terrible sex.

- Oh, well I mean, but
even bad sex is good right?

- No, it's bad sex.

- But when is the time
that you're having sex

wishing that you were
doing something else?

- One time I was having
sex with this guy--

- Oh no.

- Yeah.
- Oh no.

- Yeah, we're gonna talk about it, yeah.

That's what you get for stowing away.

- That's a poem.

I'm a shit stowaway.

- I didn't say that.

You did.

- So, did you catch Jeffrey last night?

- So I was having sex with this guy

and I was flailing a lot.

He was a flailer.

- He was a flailer?

- Is that a class of sexual means?

- His arms and I was--

- Was he just coming continuously?

- I was having sex 'cause I'm
a grown woman but I was bored.

- I don't need to hear about my grown--

- I wasn't having good sex.

I was having bad sex.

And so I started thinking about

everything I could do afterward

and I was late and I was hungry.

So I did an inventory of
my freezer in my kitchen

and everything I was gonna eat

once this flailer got out of my bed.

And I guess I was making a bored face

'cause he said are you
okay and I said pizza.

- I'm sorry you had bad sex.

- I'm hungry.

- I just think that
you're not being realistic.

I love you but you're not being realistic.

- You don't think
there's somebody out there

that's somewhere enough to you,

even when things are bad,
they're not totally bad.

They're just not as good.

- Hey, hey do you guys
think it's a problem

that you guys have
sleeping bags and I do not?

- Hey, where are the big trees?

- These trees aren't
big enough for you guys?

- No, it's just there are bigger ones.

We wanted to see those, too.

- There's bears out today.

- Excuse me?

- You've had days when they aren't?

- Did he say there are bears here?

- That right there is why I should not

take this job in Seattle.

- Because of bears?

- No, I wanna like my job all the time.

- This is what I was saying,

but you guys said nothing's
good all the time.

- No, okay.

I want my job to be marginally fulfilling

half to most of the time.

- Well some people might say
be glad you have a job at all.

- I know.

First world problems.

They're my first world problems.

- I don't think I'm in any
type of shape to fight a bear.

- Thanks for helping.

- You're welcome.

- Jeff.

- Take your turn.

- Who is the man with the hook?

Scrape, scrape, scrape.

- That's the end of the story.

- Oh, how upsetting.

- I'm gonna be bummed if you leave.

- Yeah.

That's the responsible thing to do, right?

- It is.

It absolutely is.

- Then why's it feel so terrible?

- Who wants to think of
their life as ordinary?

- Yeah but some people
have to be ordinary,

otherwise no one would be extraordinary.

So maybe I'm just an ordinary one

who thinks she's
extraordinary but she's not.

She's ordinary.

- I'm not convinced I
followed all of that,

but it can't be so black and white.

- When I was a kid I knew
exactly what I wanted to do.

Make comics.

Even knew what kind of comics
I wanted to make, you know.

Then growing up you go to
school and world widens a bit

and all the things you were so sure of,

the one thing you're not sure of anymore.

You learn about thinking
dialogue and writing

and drawing and everybody
wants you to choose one thing.

Life starts costing money.

- Yeah, you gotta pay bills.

Gotta pay your cellphone and gas.

Your electric.

That one's a bitch.

Then if you don't remember
to pay them on time,

you owe them more.

Now you got all this brain space

dedicated to who you have to pay and when

and when to pay them again.

- Responsibility right?

- That's adulthood right there.

- But money can solve the problems,

but unless you come from
money, you need to have a job,

which takes time and then you have

to learn how to be creative.

- Well that part's not true.

- The adult world gives you
two weeks to be carefree.

- I'm just worried that I'm not

all the things I thought I could be.

- You guys are depressing
the hell out of me

and keeping me awake.

- Nothing worries this guy.

- I'm extraordinary.

- Is that a bear?

- Shut up.

- Hey.

No bears.

- So?

- So I thought you'd want to know.

- You're a regular jack one.

- You know, if I were
interviewing for this job,

it'd be an easy answer

'cause I'd never wanna work with that guy.

- You know what?

If you were interviewing,
you wouldn't get it,

'cause I do the interviews

and I'd be like you can't have a job.

- Okay, 'cause I don't want one.

- Good 'cause you're not getting one.

- Well good 'cause I'm not applying.

- Great.

It's a really long winded
application process.

- Well, then maybe I should apply

just to make your life difficult.

- Well maybe you should.

Then maybe I'd tear it up.

- Well then maybe I'd apply online.

- Then I wouldn't know it was you, okay.

No, you know what?

I would know.

Somewhere deep inside me, I
would know, and I'd delete.

- Somewhere deep inside you.

- Yeah.

- Like your butt?

- No.

You guys are idiots.

- What are you doing?

- I'm linking my phone
with your Bluetooth.

- You have to go to
settings on your phone.

- No, no, no.

You gotta hit search on the radio first.

- Sure.

You know how my car works.

- Wait, is it discoverable?

- Yeah, it's always discoverable.

- It should be automatic.

- No, you gotta go tell
it to go get something.

- No, let me see it.

- No, get out of here.

- Mike, can you
not with the fighting?

- Okay, I'm sorry.

- No, it's fine.

- Just keep an eye on the road.

- I got my eye on the road.

- We will take care of this.

- Oh, we're a team now?

- There it is.

- Perfect.

- I hate this one.

- No, I love this song.

- It's your phone.

You have music you hate on your phone?

- Yeah, I like the band
but I don't like this one.

- I like this one.

Can you leave it please?

- Oh, the queen likes this one.

♪ What are we gonna do ♪

♪ Where's my next book ♪

♪ I fix your setting ♪

♪ It can't be good for me ♪

♪ What am I gonna do ♪

♪ What am I gonna do ♪

- I wanna jump in.

Can I jump in?

- No, there are probably leeches in there.

- Really?

- Yeah, there probably are.

- What do you at a waterfall
if you don't jump in?

Guess you're going in.

- No.

♪ The zookeeper let all
of the animals out ♪

♪ The animals out ♪

♪ The animals out ♪

♪ The zookeeper shot all
of the animals dead ♪

♪ And they ♪

- Should I answer that?

- No, it's okay.

♪ The zookeeper let all the ♪

- I have been calling everywhere.

Where the fuck are you?

- I left you a voicemail.

- Yeah, all it said was that you were out

and you'd be back soon.

- And I will.

- Mikey, you didn't come home last night.

Am I on speakerphone?

- Hi Sarah.

- Oh, so you're with Paula?

- And Jeff.

- Who the fuck is Jeff?

- Leave me out of this.

- Mikey, please take me off speakerphone.

Where are you right now?

- I don't know.

Where are we right now?

- About 10 minutes away

from a place called Turner Lake.

- You're in fucking Oregon?

- No, we're not.

- Yes, we are.

- Hey, you said you wanted
to stay out of this.

Yeah, we are.

How 'bout that, huh?

- I don't get how you're so
fucking nonchalant about this.

Am I still on fucking speakerphone?

- No.

Calm down.

- I don't think that you
realize how big this is.

- I do.

I don't.

I just thought we could use a break.

- A break?

- That's not what I mean.

- Well then what do you mean?

- It's not a relationship thing.

- I feel like I'm on the
verge of a panic attack.

- Look, it's not you.

I just thought I could use a vacation.

- You don't think that I need a vacation?

- Do you?

- Yeah.

- Great.

Then come meet us up at the lake.

- You don't really want me there.

It's fine.

Have fun.

- No, I'm inviting you.

Come on, Sarah, please.

- No one else wants me there.

Paula thinks I'm no fun.

- No, she doesn't.

Did she say something?

- No but the other night
when you left the room,

suddenly nobody had anything to say.

- Oh, you're just reading into that.

She likes you.

Come up here and spend sometime
with her up at the lake.

- I wouldn't even be able
to get there now anyway.

- Hey, we'll be in Portland tomorrow.

Yeah, we'll be in Portland tomorrow.

So call down to Dustin
in the next half hour

and he'll put you on standby.

- And you'll pick me up from the airport?

- Or I'll send an Uber.

- You better not.

- Of course I'll pick you up.

- I love you.

Hello.

- I love you, too.

- Excuse me?

What was that?

- I love you, too.

Okay, okay bye.

- Oh lover.

- You keep your mouth shut.

- Hey, hey, hey.

You guys out for a run, too?

Go for a run around the lake.

If you're going for a run, I
wouldn't go up to the lake.

No, up there it's a great hike,

but it makes for a terrible run, okay.

It's covered in snow and you
don't wanna do that, okay.

The good run is down here.

- Oh okay.

- Okay.

- Cool.

I'm sorry, guys.

I'm Brett.

I'm Brett from next door.

You guys have the cabin
next to mine, you know,

and so I thought I'd come over.

I'd say hey, how's it
going, and introduce myself.

You know what?

I was just sitting around my place going,

well Brett you know what?

You could sit here all weekend

like a fat slob and masturbate.

Or you know what?

You could get out there

and you could do something with your life.

- That's a bit of an overshare.

- It is, yeah.

You know what?

You're funny, man.

You know what, funny guy?

You should put on some
running shoes and we go run.

- I don't have any and I'm not gonna.

- You're right.

You're not going to.

Not with that attitude.

- I think we're good actually.

We're just gonna walk.

- Oh cool, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, drinks at my place.

I got a nice IPA if you guys
wanna come over, check it out.

- Oh no, you know what?

We'll probably be doing anything else.

- You're right.

At your place.

I'm sorry.

Drinks at your place.

- No, no, thanks though.

No.

- Yeah, you're right.

You're right.

I was supposed to be here
this weekend my girlfriend

and then she dumped me so.

Enough about stupid ole Brett.

I'll leave you guys alone, okay.

You guys have a good one, all right.

- Hey.

Hey.

Come here.

No, it's okay.

Wanna have a drink with us tonight?

- Yeah.

Cool, all right.

Great.

I'll see you guys tonight, okay.

I'm back, baby, yeah.

- What the hell was that about?

- I don't know what just happened.

- I know.

It's just the look on his
face was so sad and familiar.

- Oh god.

- We can do something without him now.

- To the top?

- To the top.

- To the top.
- Yay.

- I did not pack properly for this trip.

- This is nice.

- Yeah.

You almost done with
that drink over there?

- He doesn't mean anything by that.

- No, it's cool.

I get it.

You know, my friends at home
don't wanna hangout with me.

I know I made it sound like
Tiff and I broke up recently,

but she actually dumped me six months ago,

and I mean they're tired
of hearing me talk about it

like day in and day out
and they're just really,

really annoyed with it.

It's not even the worst part.

I actually drove across
the country to be with her

and I moved to a whole new
city and now I'm in a place

where I don't know if I wanna live there

and all I do is complain
to them back in Tennessee

of like I don't know if
I wanna move back home

or if I wanna stay where I'm at

and like I just can't make up my mind

of what city I wanna live in.

Tiff and I would fight all the time.

Like it was just bickering,
bickering, bickering,

and then like I don't
know why I just didn't

give her her space, you know.

I'm a pilot.

- This guy's a real piece of shit.

I thought he would never leave.

- Okay, he was a nice guy.

I am tired.

I'm going to bed.

- Okay.

- Goodnight.

- Goodnight, nice lady.

- Okay, I'll drop you
two off at the hotel.

I'll go pick up Sarah from the airport

and then we'll meet you
guys back at the hotel.

- Sure, take my car.

- Can I take your car?

Oh, please let me take your car.

- Yes.

- Thanks.

- Fine.

Paula, you wanna drop our stuff off

and then go check out this
whiskey bar I heard of?

- I'm kind of tired.

I might just take a nap and
then we can meet up for dinner.

- Sure.

Sure, sure, sure.

I'll just go drink by myself at the bar.

- Cool.

- Cool.

- Cool.

- I was kind of hoping that would

guilt you into coming with.

- Cool.

- Cool, dude.

- Cool.
- Cool, dude.

- Cool, dude.

- Cool.
- Cool.

- Sound cool, dude.

- Sound cool, dude.

- Turn your head back.

What's cool, dude?

- Cool, you have a mustache.

Cool, dude.

- Oh nice.

- Might just get dinner by myself.

- Cool.

- Cool.

- Hold on a second.

I'll be right back.

How we doing, big guy?

What can I get you?

- Well my guidebook says you
got a lot of whiskeys here.

- Oh, you were told correct.

You had something in mind or
you want me to surprise you?

- Well, I'll probably
just do whiskey neat.

- All right, man.

Whatever you think.

Do you hear this?

- Yeah.

- Oh my god.

Ugh.

I love this song.

This reminds me of
early Bruce Springsteen.

Ugh, you gotta love the Boss.

I'll be right back.

- I don't really care for Springsteen.

- Because his music is so stupid.

- Hey, nice.

- I'm Jeff.

- I don't tell anyone my
name because I'm a spy.

So don't tell anyone.

- Sorry, that was stupid.

- Yeah, that was stupid,
but this is actually.

This is more stupid.

- Whoa.

- Okay, so one night I
was drunk with my friends

and we were coming up
with bad tattoo ideas

and someone goes what if you
get your name tattooed on you

like a clothing tag like your mom would do

if you were like going to
camp on your underwear.

I go what if you get an anatomy diagram,

and so I got this one
and then I sobered up,

and I haven't gotten anymore.

- So not a great story.

- You did kind of force
me so it's your fault.

- I thought they didn't give
tattoos to drunk people.

- They don't give tattoos to you.

- Okay.

- Come on, let's go.

- I still have half a glass left.

- Yeah, I wanna drink somewhere else.

Let's go.

- Fine.

Nice to meet you.

- Likewise.

- Ah.

- Madeline, let's go.

- Oh no, now you know.

He wasn't supposed to say it.

Now you know.

Now you know.

- Hello.

- Hey, whoa.

Did I just wake you up?

What time is it over there?

- It's the same time zone.

We're just north.

- Well wake up for some good news.

My friend's internet comics company

wants to publish your book.

- Oh my god.

Really?

Which one?

- I think it's called Fisting Crash.

They want you to send them
a script for the next issue.

- It's Fist, Blood, Cash.

That's great.

Can you get it off my computer?

- Wait, which
one is First, Blood, Cash?

- Fist.

- Whatever.

- Not whatever.

You ink the dialogue.

You should know.

- Is it the one where the giant spider

runs the animal prison?

- Yeah, but there's more to it than that.

- No, there's not.

You should just call it Spider Warden.

- Wait, why do they need
to look at another script?

- Well they want to approve it

if they're going to pay for it.

- I wanna keep creative control though.

- It's work, Paula.

Just take it and maybe
eventually you'll have

creative control over another book.

They think the first issue's too violent.

- Yeah well it's about a spider

that runs a woman's prison so.

- Aha, Spider Warden.

- I don't wanna call it that.

- Well, I told them
you would change the name.

- Well, call them back
and tell them I won't.

- You can't have creative
control and make money.

You gotta pick one.

- Plenty of artists are able to do both.

Van Gogh did both.

- Yeah, he made a lot
of money after he died.

- Yeah so perfect example there.

- I went out on a limb for you, Paula.

Just please in God's name do not take

that job until you talk to me.

Bye.

- Ugh, so full.

- It was just so good.

- No, do we just keep eating all night?

- Let's go this way.

- Why?

- Come on.

This way.

- Are we just gonna?

- He's just.

- He's going.

- We're going.

We're going.

We're going.

- He looks like a reindeer.

- Why you going so fast?

- I'll be right back.

- Okay.

- Hey.

- Jeff.

- I was sure I was gonna think

of something clever to
say as soon as I saw you,

but then you surprised me
by remembering by name.

- Are you stalking me?

- I am actually.

Okay, that sounded creepier
than I ever thought possible.

I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to interrupt
you and your friend.

I just saw you a couple of blocks away

and thought I should follow you

and I am digging myself
even deeper into this hole.

- Okay, this is Tina.

Tina, this is Jeff.

- Hello.

Let's check you out.

See.

Let's see the merchandise.

Checks out.

What?

I wanted to see if he has
a firm butt and he does.

- No boyfriend tonight?

- Oh, you mean from earlier?

That was my brother.

- Your brother?

- Yeah.

- Right.

- But you wanna know
if I have a boyfriend.

- That would be good I think.

- He's fun to play with.

- Okay, can I get you guys drinks?

- Already have one.

- Right.

Well, I need one.

Just so you guys know, I'm
usually way smoother than that.

- No, you're not.
- Sure.

- No, I'm not.

- You took his phone?

- Yes.

Put your number in it or something.

Who was that bozo?

- He's not a bozo.

He's cute.

- I guess we all have our types.

- Yeah, well your type is like oh man.

Like muscles coming out of his neck.

- Yes, that's exactly my type.

Any of those here tonight?

- There's a dude flail.

- Oh, how original.

- I know.

- I'm gonna go find him.

- Yeah, you are.

- Hey.

Everything okay?

You seem a little like distracted.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

- Yeah, we don't buy that for one second.

Come on, spit it out.

- I wanna know what's
going on with your life.

- I'm the one that does not wanna hear it.

- Hey.

- I'm kidding.

- I got an offer to sell my comic.

- That's awesome.

- That's great.

- No, it is.

It's great and it's in LA
and that'd be great, but I.

Well they'd wanna change it and just.

I don't know.

Sounds stupid but I'm like
worried about selling out maybe.

- So sell out.

I mean, you wanna stay in LA, don't you?

- I don't know if I do to be honest.

- Selling out is something you
worry about when you're 15.

- Ooh.

- You got burned.

- Did I?

- Yeah, you should check your mailbox.

- Why?

- For your burn notice.

- Thank you.

- Oh goodness, that shirt
looks combustible and oh snap.

- Okay, got burned.
- You just got burned.

- All right, thank you.

You're right.

- Oh, I'll get you some aloe.

For your burn.

- Okay.

- It helps the soothing.

- I'm gonna go.

- No.

- Oh yay, we're hugging.

- If I had to guess I would guess

you were a professional skydiver.

- What?

- You ever skydived before?

- No.

- All right.

So.

- Let's go and get some noodles.

- I have to go run and
catch up with my friends.

- I had a lot of fun tonight.

- Me too.

Goodnight.

- Goodnight.

Madeline.

- Yeah?

- Do you maybe wanna do
something tomorrow with me?

- What are you doing?

- My friends and I are going

to Columbia River Gorge I think.

- Yeah.

Yeah, I just have to run an errand

with my brother in the morning

and then I'll catch up with you after.

- Great.

Can I at least get your number?

- We should probably leave tomorrow

because I told mom and dad
we get in tomorrow night

and then the interview's the next morning.

- You're staying with mom and dad?

- Yeah, I'm spending most of
my money just getting up there.

- Most of your money?

Oh my god.

You need to take this job.

- Okay, how much money did you spend

getting her a last minute ticket?

No offense but that's gotta be expensive.

- No.
- No.

- No offense taken.
- Nothing.

- It was absolutely free.

- As long as you're
willing to fly standby,

you just show up at the airport.

It's free.
- We fly standby all the time.

- They let you on the plane free.

- You just show up and as
long as there's a seat,

you pay absolutely nothing.
- Zero dollars.

- Totally free.

We could fly wherever we want.

We could just go away for the weekend.

- Yeah, Houston.
- Like anywhere.

As long as it's in the
continental United States.

Entirely free.
- It's free.

- So it's free?

- Yeah.

- Got it.

- Well, we'll go to Seattle with you guys.

I called into work yesterday.

They want me to take a flight

from Seattle to San Francisco
while I'm up here so.

- Yeah, sure you just
continue to ride in my car.

Thanks for asking.

Maybe if you'd like you can continue

to not pitch for gasoline as well.

- Watch it, Jeff.

- What I think that Mikey's
trying to say, Paula,

is that taking this job sounds
like the responsible thing.

It's not a terrible reason to take a job.

- If I'm getting by all right, as is,

I don't know why I have to take this job.

- What about retirement?

- I think I'll be dead by then,

so I'm covered in that department.

- Cute.

- Yeah.

- You know what?

The rate you're going,
you're not saving anything.

Well no offense but what you
make in a year is embarrassing.

- That is actually kind of offensive.

And I really I honestly
don't wanna retire.

- Everybody wants to retire.

- No, I don't wanna retire.

- The idea of taking a
job where I'm just waiting

to retire sounds terrible to me.

- Paula.

- It's fine.

- What about you?

Would you ever wanna stop flying?

- Well not at the moment but
yeah I can envision a time

where I might wanna explore
other avenues, sure.

- What other avenues?

- I don't know.

What if I wanna write a novella?

- What's a gerent?

- A gerent?

It's like if I have
something to do in town,

I have a gerent to do.

- So, she said she'd come after.

That could really mean anytime.

Right?

- It's okay.

We'll wait with you.

- I kind of wanna go up now.

- Okay well, see you later.

- Take it slow.

- What's that supposed to mean?

- You have the tendency
to fall very quickly.

- That's sort of unfair.

- Okay, I just don't want this

to turn into another
Carrie or Greta or Emily.

Or Lindsay, oh.

I almost forgot about Lindsay.

How could you forget about Lindsay?

Do you remember Lindsay?

- I wish I could forget.

- Oh, Lindsay.

I said her name again.

I forgot about her.

Okay bye.

Hey.

So she didn't show up?

- No.

- I'm sorry.

- Okay.

Thank you.

- You know I'm trying to cheer you up.

- Yeah.

I don't know.

I thought she seemed pretty cool.

It's her.

- She's pretty.

- Yeah well, so were the last few.

- I'm so sorry I'm late.

- It's okay.

- He tends to choose really
pretty girls with no substance.

I don't know.

I'm gonna stop talking.

- Woof.

- You mean rawr?

- Yeah, yeah.

Rawr.

- I was running late as it was

and then my aunt's bird got loose.

Loose.

She had this bird for forever.

She just threw a tantrum everywhere.

I captured her finally but it took so long

to get in the cage and I
got something in my eye

and I couldn't look up how to
get something out of my eye

because my phone died and
I tried to put it in rice.

That doesn't work.

That's an old wives tale just so you know.

I didn't have my charger
'cause my brother took it

because he thought it was his but ugh.

Did you guys already go up?

- They did.

Come meet these guys.

- Okay.

- This is Paula, Sarah, Mikey.

This is Madeline.

I think we might head up now.

I'm not sure how long--

- Nice to meet you guys.

Bye.

- I'll catch up with you guys later.

- Have fun.

- I came here once when I was little.

I love this place.

You hate this?

- No.

- You hate it.

- No, this is me comfortable.

- Did you try it?

I'm gonna try it, too.

Have you been in a lot of
long term relationships?

- Okay, let's
dive into the deep stuff.

- I just wanna ask you 'cause I have been

and I don't want that right now.

- I'm not asking.

- Good.

- Yeah good.

- Okay so, when was your last one?

- Happens to be four months ago.

- Four months.

Oh no.

- Why?

How long ago was it for you?

- Two weeks ago.

- Two weeks?

- I know.

- Okay.

- It's so long ago.

I will say I'm not a crazy person.

He just he didn't get me.

- Not like me.

- Right.

Oh my gosh, you know me so well right?

Do you wanna go?

- I think we better.

- I think we should go.

It's getting to--

- Getting to territory
you don't wanna get into.

- No, I don't wanna go there.

- Okay, you don't
have to tell me anything.

What about if I just guess it?

- Okay, you guess it.

- Were you actually born a dolphin?

Forget it.

♪ Bury my head between your
shoulder and your neck ♪

♪ Feel my breath coming
back around again ♪

♪ Feel your pulse pumping ♪

♪ Well I know it'll be all right ♪

♪ Sometimes I get lost just
going through the motions ♪

♪ Pouring drinks, looking
bland, losing in touch ♪

♪ All the friends I knew once ♪

♪ Maybe it's just part of life ♪

♪ But howling at the
summer to come back again ♪

♪ I'm howling at summer
to come back again ♪

♪ Come on and make a pact boy ♪

♪ We're rowdy tonight ♪

♪ Well and we go wild wild ♪

♪ And we go wild wild dear ♪

♪ Yeah yeah ♪

♪ And we go wild wild ♪

♪ And we go wild wild dear ♪

- This is my personal favorite
piece in the entire gallery.

- Yeah.

I don't know the artist
but it is very nice.

- Think it's on loan from MOMA.

Just kidding.

This is a local Portland gal.

Can you believe it?

She works at a bakery down the street.

Unreal.

I'm sorry.

I'll leave you be.

- No, it's okay.

- Awesome.

Hey, don't get any ideas.

Married.

Hands off.

- Oh, I definitely wasn't.

- Oh, I was kidding.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Totally, totally joking.

- Okay.

- Not about my marriage though.

That's very serious.

It's the real deal.

- How do you know the artist?

- I'm married to her.

- Oh, that's your wife?

- Yep.

- That's amazing.

I would love to meet her.

- Oh, for real?

- Yeah.
- Oh cool.

Helen.

Helen, come here for a sec.

Somebody wants to meet you.

They wanna meet the next Picasso.

This is, I didn't catch your name.

- Paula.

- This is Paula.

Paula, Helen.

- Hi.

- Oh, there's a guy over there.

Excuse me, sir.

You gotta check out this painting.

- I'm so sorry.

He does that sometimes.

Nice but it's embarrassing.

- Oh, no we were just admiring your work.

- Thank you.

- Yeah.

Wow.

So he said you work at the bakery.

- Yes, I make bread, but
I'm not there right now.

- Right 'cause you're here.

- So if you went there and
said hello is Helen here?

I won't be there, but
there will still be bread.

- Right.

I guess it seems like a lot, you know.

It must be a balancing act.

How do you do it?

- They give me the ingredients
right there in the store.

I don't have to get anything
or bring anything from home.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean.

I didn't mean make the bread.

I meant how do you balance the artwork

and the nine to five job?

- Oh, it's not nine to five.

I actually start usually at 2:00 a.m.

- Sure, I just meant a job.

- Oh.

- Any job right, you know.

- Oh yes.

Well, I'm very lucky.

Everyone is so nice.

So supportive of my art.

And I'm very good.

- I'm an artist, too, but not that good.

- Oh wow.

What kind of art?

- Well, I make my own comics.

- Wow.

- Yeah, but I'm actually
thinking about taking a job

and I'd stop doing that for awhile.

- Oh, you can't do both?

- Helen.

I locked my keys in the car.

- Again?

- Yeah, the groceries are in there.

- Dang.

Just one second.

- It's fine.

I guess I'm just worried
about being a failure.

- Wow.

Well, do you know the author Bradbury?

- Ray.

- I'm sorry.

- Ray Bradbury.

- No, I don't think so, but
the guy who I'm talking about.

He said you're only a failure if you stop.

- Yeah.

- It was so nice to meet you.

- Yeah, you too.

Oh.

- Dry violets were five violets,

so then I went to the farmer's market

trying to figure out how do flowers smell.

- Good for you.

- Thanks.

How long have you lived in Portland?

- I don't.

I live in Astoria.

My aunt lives here.

My brother and I are just here
helping her move some stuff.

How 'bout you?

Lived here long?

- I don't live in Portland either.

I live in Los Angeles.

- Wait, what?

You asked me out and you
don't even live nearby.

That's so weird.

- Was it weird?
- Yeah.

- Is it not weird for you to
say yes to the strange man

from out of town who asked you out?

- Well, I don't know.

Cute, funny guy asked me out so.

- Well I mean, clearly I'm cute,

but can you really say if I'm funny?

- Yeah.

I mean, you're not like.

Like clever, like witty funny,
or like on the spot fly.

You know funny.
- Wait what?

What's that?

- But you're like awkward funny.

You know?

- No, I don't even know what that means.

- See, the way like your voice
went up and like your face.

It's adorable.

- Okay.

First of all, guys don't
love to be called adorable.

- Yeah, but you do 'cause you love me.

- I love lots of things.

- Can I have everybody's attention please?

This man has known me for less
than a day and he loves me.

- All right.

- What a weirdo, right?

- Please stop.

- This guy's with me.

No, no, he loves me.

Did you know?

He loves me.

Look everybody.

Lady, he loves me.

- Where's Sarah?

- What?

- Where's Sarah?

- She's not with you.

We got separated.

We said we'd meet back here.

- She's not gonna be in the fridge.

- You know what?

I dropped her off at the airport.

Totally forgot.

- Is everything?

Everything okay?

- Yeah, everything's cool.

I think she's really trying to
be cool with the whole thing.

- I think she is cool
with the whole thing.

- What's up with you?

- I don't know why people
have so much trouble

combining art and business.

Well no I do know.

It's 'cause business people hate art.

- Well, art people hate business.

What happened to your face?

- I don't know.

- Come on, let's go down to the jazz bar.

I'll tell you what.

If you buy me a conga bath,
I will buy your dinner.

- What's a conga bath?

- Take a pineapple.

You hollow it out.

You put some orange
juice and vodka in there.

You put the top back on.

You shake it up.

You grab yourself a coconut.

You hollow that guy out.

You take the liquid from the pineapple.

Put it inside the coconut.

You take that pineapple.

You chop it up.

You put it inside the coconut.

Shake that up.

Straw.

Sip it up.

- That's like a $40 drink.

- Okay, how 'bout favorite movie?

"Fitzcarraldo".

- No.

"Wolf's Reign".

- No.

- "Deadwood".

- Yes.

- Yeah?

- Oh yeah.

- Oh finally something we've both seen.

- Yeah, but I would see that again.

- Oh yeah, it's so good, right.

- So good.

Okay, let's do music.

Best song off of "Mellon
Collie Infinite Sadness".

- "33."

What, you?

- Title track.

- Yeah, the piano one.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, that's good, too.

Okay, Alkaline Trio tracks.

- I don't know any.

- What?

Okay, My Chemical Romance.

- I definitely don't know any

and also are you secretly
a 15 year old girl?

- No, okay.

Not anymore.

- Not anymore?

- No.

- You grow up?

- Yeah.

- Good.

I'm glad for you.

Okay, how 'bout this?

♪ I feel strangled ♪

♪ I feel torn in two ♪

- Wait, wait, wait.

How do you know that?

You were just making fun of me for that.

- Because I too was a 15
year old girl at some point.

- Maybe we went to the same summer camp.

- Was it a horseback riding camp?

- Yeah.

Why do all girls wanna go
to a horseback riding camp?

- Probably because it's the closest

a seventh grader gets to being fucked.

I just blew your mind, didn't I?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Jeff.

- You don't have to.

- No, no, no.

It's not that.

I like you obviously.

It's just.

- Obviously.

- Yeah.

I just don't see this going past tonight.

I mean, I'm not gonna
be in LA anytime soon

and you're not gonna be in Astoria.

- We are though.

- You are?

- Yeah, we're going to Astoria tomorrow.

- No, you're not.

- Paula loves the "Goonies"
so we've gotta check that out.

- I want to.

I just.

You know, I told you I don't wanna.

- Right.

Be in a long distance relationship.

Okay.

Goodnight.

- Come on, guys.

Let's go.

- No.

Ow.

- Good morning, guys.

- Oh, go away.

- Too many conga baths.

- I'll see you out there.

- We have Cannon Beach right here.

Why don't we just go
there instead of Astoria?

- Beach, no.

No, everyone says Astoria's
where you gotta go.

I would say if you've been to one beach,

you've been to them all.

Bunch of waves.

Sand gets into your shoes.

Best to just skip it.

- Beach sounds good.

I could use a little sun.

- We wanna get into Astoria
before the traffic gets crazy.

- If the traffic is crazy there,
let's just go to the beach.

- Yeah.

- All right, we'll do both.

The beach briefly and Astoria.

- Is he not a beach guy?

- Yeah, he usually loves the beach.

Hey, come down here.

It's awesome.

- He doesn't seem to be a beach guy.

- I don't know.

- Hey, you think I can climb that rock?

- No.

- Well, I'm a go try.

- It's like two miles away.

- I'll be right back.

- No.

- Here we go.

- What's up, dude?

- Madeline lives in Astoria

and I wanted to spend
one more day with her.

- This is supposed to be our road trip.

Not you meet some girl and
then we follow her around.

- I'm not following her anywhere,

except I get the feeling
she's not so interested.

- Why?

- She said she's not
interested in a relationship.

- You should text her.

Feel it out.

- I have.

I'm getting a lot of one word replies.

- She's responding.

- I really like her.

- You've known her one day.

- I know but you know
how you can go on a date

and know in the first five minutes

it was gonna be a thing or not a thing?

She's funny and I like her.

I wanna get to know her more.

- Okay.

Then what?

Is she gonna move to LA or
are you gonna move here?

Or if she wanted to do long distance,

would you wanna do long distance?

- No, I don't wanna be in a
long distance relationship.

You know that feeling
when you're dreaming?

You know you're dreaming
but you wanna stay

in the dream a little while longer.

- You are really cheesy.

- You're really cheesy.

Yeah, I'm pretty cheesy.

- Go get Mikey.

Let's go to Astoria.

- Where is he?

- You ever stay
friends with people

who move to different cities?

- Sure, lots of people.

- No, not like call each
other once in awhile.

Wish happy birthday on Facebook friends.

Like real make time for each other

in each other lives friends.

- There's this kid Sean that
I went to high school with.

We still talk from time to time.

I still consider us friends.

- Yeah, when's the last time you saw him?

- Four years ago.

We were both back home for the holidays.

- And when's the last time before that?

- Probably high school.

- Think you'd stay friends with me

if I lived in a different city?

- Yeah, I think we'd stay friends.

- Hope you're right.

- You'd actively banish me
from your list of friends?

- Mikey, would you be friends with Jeff

if he lived in a different city?

- We do live in different
cities and we are not friends.

- I consider you a friend.

- Lame.

- Seriously, you don't
think we'd stay friends?

- No, I think we would both
make real half assed effort

and then shit happens.

Like people grow up and you get busy

and you have kids and
marriages and all that stuff

and you get really wrapped
up in your own little bubble.

- That sounds awful.

- Yeah.

- Would you really have kids?

- I can be talked into it.

- Oh, what a nice story to tell them.

- Yeah.

♪ Just call information ♪

♪ And create ♪

- Hello.

- Is it weird
that I'm in your town?

- Yeah but I
guess I'll deal with it.

- Wanna do something?

- Yeah.

Do you wanna meet me at The Column?

- Sure, sounds great.

How do I get there?

- What street are you on?

- Actually, I think
I see a sign right here.

Hey, take a left right here.

- Meet you there in 15 minutes.

- Sure.

I have no idea how long
it takes to get up there.

- If you're
late, I will murder you.

Bye.

- I love her.

- Wow, that's pretty cool.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- It's crazy you guys came.

- So what do we do?

- We climb up it.

- I'll never make it.

I don't have the upper body strength.

- Oh no, not like that.

There's stairs.

- He still won't make it.

So, what do you do, Madeline?

- She sells couches.

- I work at a furniture store.

- Well I might need some furniture soon.

- Are you moving up here?

- To Seattle.

- So you're definitely moving now?

She's been back and forth the whole time.

- What do you do?

- I make comics.

- And that's what
you would do in Seattle?

- Oh, no.

If I go there, I'd have
to get a grown up job.

- Yeah, I feel your pain.

- Is the air getting thinner?

- So I used to work at Walmart

and I had my furniture gig on the side

until I saved up enough money

and then I opened my own store

and then I was doing what I love.

It's basically the same plot
as "There Will be Blood".

- It's nothing like that movie.

- Sh.

- Weren't you worried
you couldn't pay your bills?

- I couldn't.

We made pretty much
nothing that first year.

We sold some things but not
enough to really pay ourselves.

Had to get rid of my apartment.

Move back in with my mom, which she loved,

and so did I for about a day.

And I just kind of looked
at it as temporary.

- That's a good way to look at it.

- Isn't everything, even the good stuff?

- I said sh.

- Yeah, sh.

I like her.

Do you still live with your mom?

- Thankfully, no.

I love her.

She's wonderful, but a little
distance goes a long way.

Just like Daniel Day Lewis, I moved out.

- That's not in that movie.

- Are you guys at the top?

- Come check
out my favorite view.

- Oh my god, this is great.

♪ You are what happened ♪

♪ I didn't want to think about it ♪

♪ I get it anywhere ♪

♪ I must fall too he said ♪

♪ You are what happened ♪

♪ I didn't want to think about it ♪

♪ I knew I'm good with you ♪

- This is me.

- Do you wanna see my place?

- Yeah.

- Oh my god, nothing's gonna happen.

- Hey, I gotta go.

- Okay, I'll see you tonight.

- No, I gotta go go.

- Oh.

- They're waiting for
me at the hotel I think.

Right.

I think we should just
not think about anything.

Until.

So that just made me forget words.

I forgot what I was gonna say.

- You could call me.

- I thought you didn't
wanna do a relationship.

- I don't.

I don't know.

Do you want to?

Oh my god, what am I saying?

I've known you for two days.

- Yeah.

Look, if this was all this was--

- It's okay.

You really you don't have to say anything.

I really did not expect you.

- Same here.

- Okay, now get out of my house.

♪ Girl ♪

♪ I was doing fine before you came along ♪

- I'll drive you back to the hotel.

- That's all right.

I like the walk.

Pretty town.

- You're weird.

- Because I think the town is pretty?

Maybe you're the weird one.

- What a good comeback.

- Oh thanks.

I start early.

Bye.

- Bye.

♪ I looked after myself as a young man ♪

♪ As well as one can ♪

♪ Yeah those were the days ♪

♪ Until you came along ♪

♪ The biggest tragedy
that I could imagine ♪

♪ Something happening to me ♪

♪ But now I got you babe ♪

♪ And I'm always afraid ♪

- Oh my god, Liz.

Hello.

- Guess who?

- Hi.

- Are you in town
because I heard you're in town.

- Yeah, we're actually gonna
be there in a couple of hours.

- Well I'm having a party tonight

and you have to be there.

- Yeah.

You guys wanna go to a party?

Yeah, let's do it.

We'll go.

We'll totally come.

- Did you hear I got engaged?

I got engaged.

- Yes, congratulations.

- Congrats.

- Thank you.

- Okay.

So we'll just see you.

Gotta go to my mom's house
and then see you there.

- Okay, well it starts at seven.

- Cool.

- Bye.

- Okay bye.

♪ So much better than ♪

♪ So much bigger than ♪

♪ I'm so much more than you ♪

♪ I've gone much further than I ♪

♪ Ever thought I'd go ♪

♪ Ever thought I'd go ♪

- Hi.

- Hey.

- How's it going?

Hi.

- So glad to see you guys.

Good.

It was real good.

- Good.

- Hi.

Good to see you.

- It's okay.

How are you guys?

- How was the trip?

- Good.

- Long.

- Yeah.

Do you guys remember Jeff?

- Yeah.

- Is he staying here?

What are you up to tonight?

- Oh, Liz invited us to a party.

- Did you hear she's engaged?

- Yeah mom.

You sent me the note from the paper.

- Is that something you'll be doing soon?

- It's just that's weird.

- Hey, a 13th century
by Sir Morris Powicky.

- I haven't read that one at all.

Okay bye.

♪ Why don't you say that you're sorry ♪

♪ Why did you bring me down ♪

♪ Why don't you say that you're sorry ♪

♪ Really made out somewhere ♪

♪ Do you want to ♪

♪ Do you need to ♪

♪ Here is not the end in my ♪

- Dana.

- Oh my god.

Hi.

- How are you?

- Good, how are you?

- I'm great.

Have you seen Liz?

- Yeah, she's in the kitchen.

- Oh okay, I'm gonna find her.

- Okay.

- Hi Dana.

- Oh Mikey.

Oh my god.

- Hey, this is Jeff.

- Sorry.

- Paula.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Oh hi.

- Hi.

- It's so good to see you.

- Oh hey.

Do you want some wine?

- Oh my god, it's amazing wine.

We went to the vineyard last
month and bought a whole case.

- Sure.

- It's that good.

Hey Gary.

Can you bring another wine glass?

- You bet.

- Thanks sweetie.

Come sit.

- That's your fiance?

- Yes.

Just still getting used to it as a fiance.

Did you see the video?

- Oh no, I didn't see it.

- What?

Here, I'll pull it up on my phone.

Hold on.

- Oh, you don't have to do that.

- No, no, she does.

You have to see it.

Like he's not a singer.

He's not a dancer.

But he shows up singing and dancing.

Like I knew it was happening but like.

- Yeah.

- I couldn't stop sobbing uncontrollably.

- Yeah, I'll have to look at.

- Yeah, I know.

It's buffering.

Hold on.
- Okay.

♪ The way she move that butt ♪

♪ She got that boom boom boom boom ♪

♪ Tremble ♪

♪ She got that boom boom boom boom ♪

♪ When she move that butt ♪

♪ She got that boom boom boom boom ♪

- Aha.

Here we go.

- Holy shit.

- Oh shit.

I am sorry.

- What's up you fucking dyke?

Come here, dude.

Come here.

Come here.

Come on, man.

Good to see you.

- Good to see you too, man.

- What's up, man?

- Hi.

- Hey brother.
- I'm Jeff.

- Jeff.

- Jason.
- Jason.

Great to meet you, man.

- We went to high school together.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah 'til sophomore year.

- Jason had to leave.

- Yeah.

I was on trial for murder for two years.

A really harrowing time.

You really find out that
you don't have any friends.

People leave pretty quick.

It was a trumped up charge.

They brought it down to
vehicular manslaughter,

which is cool.

I told 'em I was tired.

Dude, remember how strong
I was in high school?

- Yeah, man.

- Yeah, I beat the shit out of
the principal this one year.

- Someone told me you
were moving back here.

- Oh.

Well maybe.

I haven't really decided that yet.

- Oh, we're gonna have
so much fun together.

I'll have to introduce you
to one of Gary's friends.

- Let's introduce her to Ben.

- Who's Ben?

- Is he back from that camp?

- Oh yes.

Straight as an arrow now.

- Nice.

- What?

- You know what?

We could be moms together.

- Yes.

- But still like totally go to bars.

- Yeah, I don't know if I want kids.

- Oh, it'll be so much fun.

- Yeah.

- It'll be like high
school but without school.

I'm so glad you got your life together.

Someone the other day said you were

still doing those comic books.

- Oh, I am still making comics.

- Gross.

- But it's good though.

Good to have hobbies.

I knit.
- It's loaded.

- So.

Oh, there it is.

Let's do this forever.

- Quick question, man.

Can you cosign a bank loan for me?

- Oh.

No.

- Dude, I need to get a place, man.

My girlfriend's pregnant with this

fucking other dude's baby.

None of my relationships
last more than six months.

These ladies keep going missing.

- Is it just one kid?

- What's up?

- Did you just one kid?

- No.

No, I did.

I'm playing.

What I'm suggesting is that
I may have murdered them.

- Well you know, we're gonna probably--

- I would love to get your email.

- I will definitely.

You know what?

Let me get.

I'll go get it.

- Dude, I have this great
9/11 conspiracy website

that is like so straight forward.

A lot of that conspiracy shit seems crazy

until you sort of delve into it.

You know what I mean?

Which is like if you have an afternoon,

I'd love to walk you
through it if possible.

- Hey, do me a favor.

Would you hold that for a sec?

- Yeah totally.
- Okay great.

- 'Cause there were no Jews in the towers,

which is like when you
think about it, it's crazy.

♪ Click click click boom click boom ♪

♪ Click click boom click boom ♪

♪ Click click click boom click boom ♪

♪ Click click boom click boom ♪

♪ Click click click boom click boom ♪

♪ Click click boom click boom ♪

♪ Click click click boom click boom ♪

♪ Click click ♪

♪ I could be your baby ♪

♪ While I'm your lady ♪

♪ I'm sticky like so cray ♪

♪ Yet the taste of something great ♪

♪ Bitch please don't play me ♪

♪ This ain't no potluck ♪

♪ I do believe ♪

- Hey, I thought I'd get
you but I guess I didn't.

We are at a party at
Paula's friend's house.

And I wish you were here.

Or I guess I wish I wasn't here.

Anyway, Paula's interview is
downtown tomorrow morning.

So, I guess I'll just
take a bus to the airport.

It should be enough.

Just a straight shot.

Guess I wish I left when you did,

but anyway I will see you tomorrow.

Okay, love you.

Bye.

That was my wife.

- I wasn't listening to your phone call.

- Nice shoes.

- Oh thank you.

Just got them.

Probably shouldn't wear
them to an outdoor party.

I'm gonna get going.

- All right, if you
wanna help me, I'll let you.

But it's for you.

I'm letting you help me 'cause
I'm nice 'cause I love you.

Yeah, you're my friend.

- You're my friend.

- I know.

I know.

- Okay, keep your legs closed.

- You keep your legs closed.

Gross.

- Just in case.

- Just in case.

Mikey, Mikey.

- Yeah.

- I don't wanna move back here.

- Well then don't.

- I'm broke and I lost my job.

- You know Sarah and I can loan you some--

- Sh, sh.

Nope.

Thank you.

You're a good brother.

- I know.

- What am I gonna do?

- Don't know.

I mean, I don't know what you really want.

You know, the first time I
flew without an instructor,

I just stared at the fuel
gauge 'cause I was so worried

that I was gonna dump
the fuel by accident,

which if you've ever flown a plane,

it is extremely hard to dump the fuel.

But then I thought to myself, hey,

if Nic Cage can land a plane safely

filled with hardened criminals,

then I can manage not to dump the fuel.

I mean, he's doing hand stand pushups.

I can barely do a regular pushup.

My arms hurt after a half of pushup.

I'm off topic.

The point is you can't
be afraid of change.

You always come out on the
other end better for it.

Are you sleeping?

Oh no, no.

You can't be in here.

You can't be.

My dad's building a plane.

This is for pilots only.

- Well yeah but the whole garage?

- Yeah, the whole garage.

I can't have you scratching the skin.

- Scratching the skin?

- Yeah, the skin of the
plane is made of aluminum

and it scratches really easy.

If I take it up in the air with a scratch,

the whole plane could fall apart.

So if I scratch it, I gotta
sand it and it takes forever

and I don't wanna do all that work.

Dad, Dad, Jeff's in the garage.

- He can be in the garage.

He's not touching the plane, is he?

- He's almost touching the plane.

- Well get him out of there.

- Get out of here.

He's an old man for God's sakes.

- Does he know
how much work it'll take

to sand it if he scratches it?

- I told him it's a lot of work

and I don't wanna have to do that.

- Is he out yet?

- He's not gone yet.

He's standing here looking
at me like a dummy.

- How 'bout now?

- You know what?

He's standing in the doorway
with his toes in here.

He's a real jerk.

- So you fly out this afternoon?

- So I probably won't
see you after but congrats.

You're a shoo in.

- What?

- That's what you said.

- Is that what I said?

- Good luck.

- Thank you.

Okay bye.
- Yeah okay.

- Hey, I hope you get this.

- Excuse me?

- Well, I don't wanna make it
weird, but when I meet people,

I instantly know if we're
gonna be friends or not.

We're gonna be.

- Okay.

- My friend Miranda just had a baby.

- Oh.

- Ugh.

- Yeah right.

- And now I'm friendless.

So who feels like a loser?

This girl.

- Hey.

Paula.

Come here you.

Hey.

Ooh.

Wow.

Pilates?

- Ooh, you do Pilates?

My new bestie does Pilates.

Well count me in because I
been eating too many donuts

all in here and I'm turning into a donut.

Sprinkle me up.

- But I wanna tread on this
new blossoming friendship

and if there's more room in that class--

- Yes.

- I'd like to get me lean
like you little girl.

- Okay, I'm really ticklish actually.

- Oh, you shouldn't have told me that

'cause I can't help myself.

Come and meet the guys.

- Okay.

- Girls club.

I'll hang 10 here.

♪ Dear love let's face it ♪

♪ Let's face the day ♪

♪ You know I don't want to get up again ♪

♪ Just to get up, get up again ♪

♪ Get up, get up again ♪

♪ Get up, get up again ♪

♪ Get up, get up again ♪

♪ No grade cause for alarm ♪

♪ It's nothing new at all ♪

♪ Keep calm ♪

♪ Carry me ♪

♪ Carry on ♪

♪ Carry on ♪

♪ Get up, get up again ♪

♪ Get up, get up again ♪

♪ Get up, get up again ♪

♪ Get up, get up again ♪

♪ Get up, get up again ♪

♪ Get up, get up again ♪

♪ Get up, get up again ♪

- So I'm in this park in downtown Seattle.

Every couple in here is all lovey dovey.

It's pretty disgusting.

- Not a big fan of PDA, huh?

It's good.

I'm not really either but
I kinda like it with you.

So how's Seattle?

Is it raining?

- No.

Doesn't anyone know any
other facts about this city?

Actually I just felt a
couple drops right now.

- How's that for some magic?

So I've been thinking and
I know this sounds crazy.

- You wanna try long distance.

I'm telling you it's never worked for me.

- No.

I was thinking living in the same city.

Not moving in together.

Nothing.

No like pressure.

- You'd wanna move to Los Angeles?

- My god, you are so thick.

Why do I like you?

- Yeah, why do you?

Probably the number of
pushups I can do in an hour.

Seven.

- Oh my god.

That's like one every 10 minutes.

- Didn't happen overnight.

- Seriously though.

- Me move to Astoria.

- Yes, you move to Astoria.

Live in cave.

Gather pebbles.

No, but really give me one
reason why it's a bad idea.

- I can think of about 100 but.

- But?

- None of them is a great reason not to.

- I know it's huge and
I'm definitely not ready

for a relationship but I started to think

about you dating someone else
and I really like that less.

- I don't know.

I don't wanna get your hopes up.

- You really think so highly
of yourself, don't you?

- A girl just asked me to
move to another city for her.

- Oh my god.

She sounds crazy and so smart.

- Well, she can't be that smart.

The guy sounds like a real dummy

and I can tell you I'm
an expert in dummies.

♪ Came to party ♪

♪ Came to have some fun ♪

♪ Back when you were a kid ♪

♪ Fun stuff was all you ever did ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ And now it's easy to forget ♪

♪ Under a forest of lights ♪

♪ But the excitement that you felt ♪

♪ On this warm pubescent night ♪

♪ My head is getting older ♪

♪ But my heart is staying young ♪

♪ 'Cause life is supposed to be fun ♪

♪ 'Cause life is supposed to be fun ♪

♪ We came here in search of kicks ♪

♪ Pushing out through every ass there is ♪

♪ To find that everybody here is sober ♪

♪ The cops have shown up ♪

♪ The party is over ♪

- Hello.

- Paula, it's
your Pilates pal Natalie.

The job's yours if you want it.

- Wow.

- So, let's start
this amazing journey together.

Say yes.

What do you think?

- I'm sorry, Natalie.

I can't hear you.

The reception's not that great.

Can I call you back?

- Yeah, okay.

Just let me know.

We need to hire someone you know soon.

- Okay.

Bye.

- Okay, really looking forward to.

- That's cool.

- Yeah.

- I need to talk
to you about something.

- Okay.

- Madeline asked me to move to Astoria.

- You're not thinking
of doing it, are you?

Oh my god, you are.

- What's the worst that can happen?

I move there for a month.

I hate it.

Just go back to LA.

- Yeah, it's just a lot for someone

you've only known a couple days.

- Couple days, yeah.

But I wanna do something with my life

and I don't know what that
is, but I'm not doing it now.

Maybe call that co-dependency,

but most nights by myself I
just go home and watch TV.

- So?

I do that.

- I'm afraid I'm gonna die without

having done anything in my life.

- Oh my god.

You're not gonna die.

I mean, you are gonna die
but probably not tomorrow.

Okay, you could die tomorrow
if there's like a plane crash

or a car crash and then we'll all die.

And then who cares?

- Yeah.

- So you have plenty of time.

- I'm wasting it.

Besides, you're moving.

- I'm not moving.

I might be moving.

I don't know.

I didn't accept anything.

- But you said it went really well.

- It did and they're really nice

in this weird Twilight Zone kind of way.

I feel all stuffed up.

- From the tulips?

- Yeah, can you be allergic to tulips?

- I think you can be allergic to anything.

I don't know.

I think just coming up here.

It seems like half the battle.

- Hey.

Tell them they can call it Spider Warden.

Yeah.

I'm okay.