Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,036 --> 00:00:05,871
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:05,939 --> 00:00:09,274
♪ Is violence in
movies and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:12,877
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,946 --> 00:00:15,981
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:16,049 --> 00:00:19,217
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,286 --> 00:00:22,487
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:24,267
♪ All the things
that make us
8
00:00:24,291 --> 00:00:25,958
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:31,029
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:35,636 --> 00:00:39,003
Reactions
11
00:00:39,072 --> 00:00:41,707
to Their
Older Sister's
Engagement, on PBS.
12
00:00:41,775 --> 00:00:44,809
Did you hear?I am to be married!Hooray!
13
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,123
When am I to find
a gentleman to wed?
14
00:00:47,147 --> 00:00:49,659
Well, I don't know whyanyone should want tomarry.
15
00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:53,117
Oh, Emily,a fortnight in townwill make you a match.
16
00:00:53,186 --> 00:00:56,032
Yeah. Say that after
a fortnight in town,
bitch.
17
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,156
Hey, everybody.
Look what came
in the mail.
18
00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:00,559
We got invitations
to Jillian's wedding.
19
00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:02,606
Jillian's wedding?
She's getting married?
20
00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:04,262
Wow, that's great!
21
00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:06,776
Looks like
she finally found someone
after dating that last loser.
22
00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:08,144
She dated someone after me?
23
00:01:08,168 --> 00:01:10,034
No.
See how I set
up my own joke?
24
00:01:10,103 --> 00:01:12,003
You walked right into it, Brian!
25
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:15,273
♪ Walk right in
Sit right down
26
00:01:15,342 --> 00:01:17,676
♪ Stewie's gonna
make you the fool ♪
27
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:22,914
Peter, here's your invite.
Chris, Meg, Stewie and me.
28
00:01:23,884 --> 00:01:25,195
Probably one more in there.
29
00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:26,885
No. Doesn't look like...
Oh, yeah.
30
00:01:26,954 --> 00:01:29,387
Here it is. Brian.
Oh, no. Wait.
31
00:01:29,456 --> 00:01:30,822
It's for B. Ryan.
32
00:01:30,890 --> 00:01:32,357
Oh. Cool, Mrs. G.
33
00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:35,225
Thanks for
letting me stay here
the last couple of weeks.
34
00:01:36,030 --> 00:01:37,429
I've enjoyed his company.
35
00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:39,298
She invited everybody except me?
36
00:01:39,366 --> 00:01:41,377
What the hell?
We dated for
six months!
37
00:01:41,401 --> 00:01:44,269
Ouch. Well,
Brian, looks like
you're the odd man out,
38
00:01:44,337 --> 00:01:46,171
like a non-praying mantis.
39
00:01:46,239 --> 00:01:49,319
Bless us, O Lord,
for these gifts we
are about to receive.
40
00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:52,343
Help us to be mindful
of all our blessings,
and...
41
00:02:05,025 --> 00:02:07,204
Brian,
I'm filling
out my RSVP card,
42
00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:09,872
and I don't know whether
I should get the salmon
or the Snausages.
43
00:02:09,896 --> 00:02:10,995
They're having Snausages?
44
00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:12,697
Yeah. It sounds like fun.
45
00:02:12,767 --> 00:02:15,011
Big deal. I could care less
about going to that wedding.
46
00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:16,245
Well, look on the bright side.
47
00:02:16,269 --> 00:02:18,014
It frees you up to go
to Cleveland's barbecue.
48
00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:19,471
Cleveland's having a barbecue?
49
00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:21,807
Oh, boy, this is really awkward.
50
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:24,075
None of this is awkward!
I've moved on from Jillian!
51
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:26,222
I've dated plenty of
other girls since her.
52
00:02:26,246 --> 00:02:27,979
I never do computer dating.
53
00:02:28,048 --> 00:02:29,614
Yeah. Me, neither.
54
00:02:29,682 --> 00:02:32,083
So, you're 27?
55
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:35,553
Well, that picture was,
you know, it was posted
a couple of years ago.
56
00:02:35,622 --> 00:02:37,855
So, you're a golden retriever?
57
00:02:37,925 --> 00:02:43,094
Well,
it's a retriever mix
Esapeake Bay Bradoodle.
58
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,308
Well, where is that waitress?
59
00:02:45,332 --> 00:02:47,932
Fine. If you're so over her,
we should all go out to
dinner.
60
00:02:48,001 --> 00:02:51,470
You,
me, Jillian and her fiance.
Unless you're uncomfortable.
61
00:02:51,538 --> 00:02:54,217
I would
have no problem with that.
I'd love to meet the fiance.
62
00:02:54,241 --> 00:02:56,641
Great.
And I'm sure DeShawn
would love to meet you.
63
00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:59,177
DeShawn?
Ah! His name's Derek!
64
00:02:59,246 --> 00:03:00,445
But look at your face!
65
00:03:03,317 --> 00:03:05,583
We now return to The Hills.
66
00:03:05,652 --> 00:03:07,997
Justin Bobbywas supposed tobe here already.
67
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:10,367
Are you stillgoing out with him?I guess so.
68
00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:14,626
I hate how hepushes his bangs out of hisface with every word he says.
69
00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:19,331
Order mea beer. I have to finda spot for my motorcycle.
70
00:03:21,434 --> 00:03:22,801
Hi, guys.
71
00:03:22,869 --> 00:03:25,048
Hi, Jillian.
Oh, hey, Jillian.
72
00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:27,572
Congratulations on
your upcoming nuptials.
73
00:03:27,640 --> 00:03:30,475
Oh, are they showing?
It's a really thin bra.
74
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,377
Peter, I came over
to ask you something.
75
00:03:32,446 --> 00:03:34,646
Will you give me
away at my wedding?
76
00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,425
Wow, sure!
That'd be great!
77
00:03:36,449 --> 00:03:39,128
Jillian, don't you want
your own father to give
you away?
78
00:03:39,152 --> 00:03:43,688
Lois, don't ruin this for me.
Don't ruin this like you
ruined Kix cereal.
79
00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:46,102
Mmm.
This Kix cereal
is good-tasting.
80
00:03:46,126 --> 00:03:48,326
And it's good for you.
81
00:03:48,728 --> 00:03:50,295
Nah!
82
00:03:50,364 --> 00:03:53,398
My father can't give
me away 'cause he's dead.
83
00:03:53,466 --> 00:03:56,146
Well, then,
Peter would be
happy to do the honors.
84
00:03:56,170 --> 00:03:58,682
Plus, when's the next time
you're gonna get to give
a bride away?
85
00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:01,250
I know. This is a
once-in-a-lifetime
opportunity.
86
00:04:01,274 --> 00:04:03,552
You can give me away
when I get married,
Dad.
87
00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:04,576
Nah!
88
00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:10,114
And for the gentlemen?
89
00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:12,996
Yeah. Can I have this
third thing down,
please?
90
00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:14,898
Ah, very good, sir.
And for you?
91
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:22,839
Excellent.
92
00:04:24,631 --> 00:04:28,133
Wow, Derek,
that's pretty good
French you speak there.
93
00:04:28,202 --> 00:04:29,901
He also speaks Orange.
94
00:04:29,969 --> 00:04:31,929
Mandarin, honey.
Mandolin.
95
00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:36,408
What luck, huh?
96
00:04:36,476 --> 00:04:39,144
Wow, sweetie!
That was amazing!
97
00:04:39,213 --> 00:04:41,980
I don't think I could do
that again in a million
years.
98
00:04:50,857 --> 00:04:52,724
I caught this piece.
99
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,459
Oh, my God!
Sir, are you all right?
100
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:55,727
I don't know.
101
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,473
I actually just
had elbow surgery.
102
00:04:57,497 --> 00:04:59,575
I wasn't even
supposed to come
in to work today.
103
00:04:59,599 --> 00:05:01,377
Why would you
trip me deliberately?
104
00:05:01,401 --> 00:05:02,579
I'm sorry.
105
00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:03,968
Dinner's going great.
106
00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:06,971
You know,
I can probably help
you with that elbow.
107
00:05:11,044 --> 00:05:13,778
Does that feel better?
Yeah! It feels a lot better.
108
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:15,858
Wow!
You're the
best man ever!
109
00:05:15,882 --> 00:05:17,315
Oh, hardly.
110
00:05:17,384 --> 00:05:19,095
Excuse me.
I'm just gonna use
the restroom really quick.
111
00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:21,252
I'll go with you.
Oh, my God! Gay!
112
00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:24,266
Shut up. He's obviously
some sort of Superman.
I just...
113
00:05:24,290 --> 00:05:26,369
I just
need to know if he
has any shortcomings.
114
00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:28,304
It'll make me feel better.
You are not even...
115
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:30,762
You're going in there to
look... That's even gayer.
116
00:05:36,270 --> 00:05:37,302
Ome on!
117
00:05:39,173 --> 00:05:43,041
And the worst thing is
that he's not even
a douche.
118
00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:45,376
He's a nice guy. I like him.
119
00:05:45,445 --> 00:05:49,014
Oh, honey, that sounds awful.
I know what will cheer you up.
120
00:05:49,082 --> 00:05:50,860
You want to scratch
my pet rabbit, Steven,
121
00:05:50,884 --> 00:05:53,029
on his nose with
your index finger?
122
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:55,598
I like rabbits 'cause
you can pull their
ears back
123
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:57,756
and make them
look like Asian people.
124
00:06:00,293 --> 00:06:02,238
Give me "callot!"
Give me a "rettuce!"
125
00:06:02,262 --> 00:06:05,363
Can I
have another
bourbon, please?
126
00:06:05,431 --> 00:06:08,766
Hey, Blondie. You wanna
get together with my
dogwood?
127
00:06:08,835 --> 00:06:10,735
What?
Dogwood? You know,
128
00:06:10,804 --> 00:06:13,583
like
Dogwood and Blondie,
like in the funnies?
129
00:06:13,607 --> 00:06:16,073
You mean Dagwood?
Dagwood, that's what it is.
130
00:06:16,142 --> 00:06:17,219
Hey, how about this one?
131
00:06:17,243 --> 00:06:19,710
You want to take
a wizard on my id?
132
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:21,780
You remind me of my step-dad.
133
00:06:31,791 --> 00:06:36,594
Oh! Oh, Man! What
the hell did I do last night?
134
00:06:36,662 --> 00:06:37,896
Good morning.
135
00:06:37,964 --> 00:06:40,031
Oh, my God!
You're Lauren Conrad!
136
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:41,266
Yeah.
137
00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:43,467
From The Hills!
Yeah. You seem surprised.
138
00:06:43,536 --> 00:06:47,205
No. No. It's just,
I... I mean, I probably
had a lot to drink last night.
139
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:49,974
So if I did
anything that might have
offended you, I'm sorry.
140
00:06:50,043 --> 00:06:51,387
No,
it's okay.
I have a dog.
141
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,522
So I've
had to cut poop
out of his fur before.
142
00:06:53,546 --> 00:06:55,546
Oh! Oh, thanks.
143
00:06:55,615 --> 00:06:57,260
Well, otherwise, it was
a fun night though, right?
144
00:06:57,284 --> 00:06:58,583
So fun.
145
00:07:04,357 --> 00:07:06,268
You know,
I had a really
fun night, Brian.
146
00:07:06,292 --> 00:07:07,703
You seem like a really cool guy.
147
00:07:07,727 --> 00:07:08,860
Yeah. Um...
148
00:07:08,928 --> 00:07:10,072
Hey,
you know,
if you don't mind,
149
00:07:10,096 --> 00:07:12,241
I'm sort of
a low-profile
kind of person.
150
00:07:12,265 --> 00:07:15,466
So I'm gonna take off before
anybody gets the wrong idea
here.
151
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:19,269
Hey! Brian, is that you...
Is that Lauren... My God...
152
00:07:19,338 --> 00:07:22,240
I was
shopping for hats...
Hang on. I'm coming over.
153
00:07:22,309 --> 00:07:23,309
Oh, no.
154
00:07:23,376 --> 00:07:25,376
Don't go anywhere.
Stay right there.
155
00:07:25,444 --> 00:07:26,622
Who's that?
156
00:07:26,646 --> 00:07:28,579
It's just this jerk
that goes to my school.
157
00:07:28,648 --> 00:07:29,914
You go to school?
158
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:32,750
No. I just lied to you,
and I'm not really sure why.
159
00:07:32,819 --> 00:07:35,753
Is this the longest
light ever, or what?
160
00:07:36,822 --> 00:07:38,389
Ah, there we go!
161
00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:41,893
Oh, my God!
How do you two
know each other?
162
00:07:41,961 --> 00:07:43,795
Uh, we actually just met.
163
00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:45,263
Well, I'm Stewie.
164
00:07:45,331 --> 00:07:46,742
I'm Lauren.
It's good to meet you.
165
00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:48,299
I love the show.
166
00:07:48,368 --> 00:07:50,112
Do you need a gay
friend on the show?
A friend on the show?
167
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:52,715
Hey, you know what? I'm
actually on my way to
go shoot now.
168
00:07:52,739 --> 00:07:54,283
If you want,
you guys can tag along.
169
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:56,039
Oh,
I don't know
if we have time.
170
00:07:56,108 --> 00:07:57,441
Yes. We would love to.
171
00:07:57,510 --> 00:07:59,421
Brian, don't wreck this for me.
172
00:07:59,445 --> 00:08:01,845
Oh, my God! I have
the perfect hat
for this!
173
00:08:05,885 --> 00:08:09,254
R comfortable being on camera.
174
00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:11,000
Oh, relax.
After a little while,
175
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:12,902
you'll forget
they're even there.
176
00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:16,027
What's everybody looking at?
The salesman told me it was
unisex.
177
00:08:16,096 --> 00:08:17,741
Hey, those people look familiar.
178
00:08:17,765 --> 00:08:20,143
That's Heidi and Spencer.
I don't really talk to them.
179
00:08:20,167 --> 00:08:22,601
Wow! Spencer does
look like a monkey.
180
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:25,270
Spencer, I am so
over your selfishness.
181
00:08:25,338 --> 00:08:27,105
What do you want?
I came out to Hollywood.
182
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:30,642
I'm on camera all day,
and I turned my back
on my own kind!
183
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:34,046
So, why don't you think before
you say things for a fucking
change?
184
00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:39,384
Look,
there's Brody Jenner.
God, what a douchebag!
185
00:08:39,453 --> 00:08:42,753
I can't believe
that came out of
Bruce Jenner's vagina.
186
00:08:42,822 --> 00:08:44,822
Bruce Jenner is a man.
No, Brian.
187
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:47,436
That's what the press would
have you believe, but he's
not.
188
00:08:47,460 --> 00:08:52,296
Bruce Jenner is a woman,
an elegant, beautiful,
Dutch woman.
189
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:53,944
This is where they
edit the show together.
190
00:08:53,968 --> 00:08:56,046
Lauren,
we got a rough cut
of next week's episode.
191
00:08:56,070 --> 00:08:59,103
Can you cue that up, Terry?
Sure.
192
00:08:59,172 --> 00:09:01,106
Ineed to be, like,fine to be alone.
193
00:09:01,175 --> 00:09:02,852
And, like, not even
want to date someone.
194
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,154
And thenI know I'll be fine toget into a relationship.
195
00:09:04,178 --> 00:09:05,777
That's good.
196
00:09:05,845 --> 00:09:07,690
That's it? That was,
like, five seconds.
197
00:09:07,714 --> 00:09:09,447
It's okay.
198
00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:11,928
They fill the rest with shots
of street signs and fronts of
restaurants
199
00:09:11,952 --> 00:09:13,418
and old footage from The A-Team.
200
00:09:33,941 --> 00:09:35,840
Hey, Brian.
Where were you
last night, buddy?
201
00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:37,575
Oh, I was... I was out.
202
00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:39,122
I got a little
wrecked after
dinner,
203
00:09:39,146 --> 00:09:40,790
and I didn't want to drive home.
204
00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:44,048
Oh, yeah? Did you stay in
town or did you "head
for the hills"?
205
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,165
Wait a minute! How the hell
do you guys know about that
already?
206
00:09:49,189 --> 00:09:51,522
It's all over the Internet.
Look!
207
00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:53,725
Does Lauren Conrad
have a new beau?
208
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:56,161
An anonymous
source has the answers.
209
00:09:56,230 --> 00:09:58,707
Oh, yeah. I know that
guy. His name's Brian Griffin,
210
00:09:58,731 --> 00:10:01,799
and he definitelyboned Lauren lastnight.
211
00:10:01,868 --> 00:10:04,013
Great. Great.
That's fantastic.
212
00:10:04,037 --> 00:10:07,038
Well, I think it's wonderful
that you're dating such
a classy,
213
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:09,941
well-educated
girl like Lauren...
214
00:10:10,010 --> 00:10:12,977
She's such an idiot, Brian!
215
00:10:14,114 --> 00:10:15,814
She's such an idiot!
216
00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:17,326
Yeah. You know
something, Brian?
217
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:19,295
I bet you make
the late-night
monologues.
218
00:10:19,319 --> 00:10:20,663
I mean,
it's a little
weird, isn't it?
219
00:10:20,687 --> 00:10:22,647
This new Lauren
Conrad relationship?
220
00:10:22,689 --> 00:10:24,255
When asked about their sex life,
221
00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:26,936
Brian was quoted as saying,
"Oh, yeah, we just do it
me style."
222
00:10:28,762 --> 00:10:31,474
Have you seen the news
about Lauren Conrad
and Brian Griffin?
223
00:10:31,498 --> 00:10:33,276
You know,
a lot of these
young Hollywood girls
224
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:35,344
carry
their little dogs
around in their purse.
225
00:10:35,368 --> 00:10:37,569
But Lauren carries one
in her vagina.
226
00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:42,907
Yeah, so Lauren Conrad
and Brian Griffin are
now a couple.
227
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:45,416
Apparently,
she gave that dog a bone
and he gave it right back!
228
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:52,694
I didn't know
what I was doing.
It was a one-night thing.
229
00:10:52,718 --> 00:10:56,020
I have no interest in dating
one of those shallow idiot
celebrities
230
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:57,900
who's
only famous
for being famous.
231
00:10:57,924 --> 00:10:59,668
I'm going over to
let her down easy.
232
00:10:59,692 --> 00:11:01,871
Hey, tell her I like her
work in Jake and the Fatman.
233
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:04,195
No, wait.
That was William Conrad.
234
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:05,841
Tell her I like
Jake and the Fatman.
235
00:11:09,268 --> 00:11:11,402
Can I help you?
Yeah, I'm Brian.
236
00:11:11,471 --> 00:11:15,005
I'm the guy
all the comedians
have been talking about.
237
00:11:17,376 --> 00:11:18,676
Lauren is in the back.
238
00:11:18,745 --> 00:11:21,089
Just follow the music
and you will find her.
239
00:11:21,113 --> 00:11:22,346
Thanks.
240
00:11:33,192 --> 00:11:35,526
Hi, Brian.
Wow! Hi.
241
00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:37,661
That's
beautiful.
What was that?
242
00:11:37,730 --> 00:11:41,699
It's Mozart's
Violin ConcertoNumber One in B-Flat.
243
00:11:41,767 --> 00:11:43,901
"Plato's Symposium."
This yours?
244
00:11:43,970 --> 00:11:45,614
Oh, yeah.
It's pretty worn out.
245
00:11:45,638 --> 00:11:47,416
Yeah.
I've read it,
like, 100 times.
246
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:50,141
I find Aristophanes'
quasi-satirical origin myth
247
00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:53,644
regarding
the three genders
both fantastic and serious.
248
00:11:53,713 --> 00:11:56,914
Yeah.
That always
cracked me up.
249
00:11:56,983 --> 00:11:58,683
So, you read a lot, huh?
250
00:11:58,751 --> 00:12:02,352
Yeah, but I try not
to let it interfere with
my biomolecular research.
251
00:12:02,421 --> 00:12:04,688
Biomolec...
I don't understand.
252
00:12:04,757 --> 00:12:06,835
Come on.
I'll show you
what I did yesterday.
253
00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:10,361
"It'll make you feel young
as when the world was new."
254
00:12:22,441 --> 00:12:24,442
You did all this in a day?
255
00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:26,121
The matrix formed in a day.
256
00:12:26,145 --> 00:12:29,947
The life-forms grew later
at a substantially
accelerated rate.
257
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,217
Can I cook or can't I?
258
00:12:37,189 --> 00:12:40,002
This doesn't make any sense.
If you're so smart, why do
you hide it?
259
00:12:40,026 --> 00:12:42,893
Come on, Brian.
You know America
doesn't like smart people.
260
00:12:42,962 --> 00:12:45,107
They elected Bush twice.
Yeah, once, but...
261
00:12:45,131 --> 00:12:48,065
So this whole persona
is just a publicity
stunt?
262
00:12:48,134 --> 00:12:50,479
Publicity's what keeps
this franchise running,
Brian.
263
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:52,615
We're even using
state-of-the-art
computer animation
264
00:12:52,639 --> 00:12:55,239
to create
a fake sex tape
with me and Bill Cosby.
265
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:59,644
Now you will get ready for
the zim-zam and the
babbity-bibbity.
266
00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:04,081
And you will take off your
clothes like voo and voom!
267
00:13:04,150 --> 00:13:06,483
And get ready for
the most splendiferous
268
00:13:06,553 --> 00:13:08,719
pudding pop you have ever seen!
269
00:13:11,991 --> 00:13:14,770
All right, Jillian,
since I'm giving you
away on your wedding day,
270
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,838
I want to make sure it
all goes off without
a hitch.
271
00:13:16,862 --> 00:13:18,641
Now, what
are your thoughts
on a wedding singer?
272
00:13:18,665 --> 00:13:21,832
I thought that maybe
I would just DJ the
wedding myself.
273
00:13:21,901 --> 00:13:24,101
I already made
a playlist on this.
274
00:13:24,170 --> 00:13:25,469
A box of Junior Mints?
275
00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:26,770
This isn't an iPod?
276
00:13:26,839 --> 00:13:28,783
Your Junior Mints play MP3s?
277
00:13:28,807 --> 00:13:31,208
My iPod is chocolate?
278
00:13:31,277 --> 00:13:33,455
Well, be that as it
may, or not be that,
279
00:13:33,479 --> 00:13:35,657
I was thinking I could
be your wedding singer.
280
00:13:35,681 --> 00:13:38,315
That's a great idea, Peter!
Sweet!
281
00:13:38,384 --> 00:13:40,729
And I promise
you'll be able to
understand all the words,
282
00:13:40,753 --> 00:13:43,599
not like Sting where you
can only understand the
last three.
283
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:52,463
♪ ...up a brand new day ♪
284
00:13:55,301 --> 00:13:56,778
So,
did you break
up with Lauren?
285
00:13:56,802 --> 00:13:58,269
No, I didn't.
286
00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:00,015
As a matter of fact, she's
coming over for dinner
tonight.
287
00:14:00,039 --> 00:14:01,605
Say what?
288
00:14:05,744 --> 00:14:09,046
Uren,
it's a real pleasure
having you here for dinner.
289
00:14:09,115 --> 00:14:12,216
Of course, I'm sure
this isn't as exciting
as your usual cuisine.
290
00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:15,252
You know, all that caviar
with the little silver
spoons.
291
00:14:15,321 --> 00:14:18,055
Actually,
Mrs. Griffin, caviar
spoons are carved from bone.
292
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:20,468
They don't
use metal because it reacts
chemically with the fish eggs
293
00:14:20,492 --> 00:14:21,825
and changes their taste.
294
00:14:21,894 --> 00:14:23,961
Oh! Well,
that's fascinating.
295
00:14:24,030 --> 00:14:25,963
You could have just
complimented the
free food,
296
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:27,932
but one-upping me
is another way to go.
297
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,444
So, you know, guys...
Bitch.
298
00:14:29,468 --> 00:14:31,947
Lauren just finished
a fascinating doctoral
thesis
299
00:14:31,971 --> 00:14:34,939
on suborbital propulsion
mechanisms that NASA is
using
300
00:14:35,007 --> 00:14:36,785
for the next
generation of
space shuttles.
301
00:14:37,910 --> 00:14:40,177
Ah!
Ah!
302
00:14:40,245 --> 00:14:44,382
So, Lauren, whenever I'm
watching your show, you
give me a boner.
303
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:46,717
Where do we go from here?
304
00:14:46,785 --> 00:14:49,686
Well,
I could sign
a picture for you.
305
00:14:49,755 --> 00:14:51,789
Yeah, sure.
That'd be fine. Thank you.
306
00:14:51,858 --> 00:14:54,803
So, Lauren, do
you and Paris Hilton and
Lindsay Lohan all hang out
307
00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:56,238
and go drunk-driving together?
308
00:14:56,262 --> 00:14:58,540
I heard
that Lindsay Lohan
wasn't driving that night.
309
00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:00,684
She was taking
the rap for a friend.
310
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:04,535
Road hog!
311
00:15:04,603 --> 00:15:07,416
Oh, no!
I already
have two strikes!
312
00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:08,906
I'll take the wheel,
Mister Magoo.
313
00:15:08,975 --> 00:15:10,920
I'm too old to go to
prison! They'll rape me,
314
00:15:10,944 --> 00:15:14,304
and I'll never
see them coming.
No, I won't.
315
00:15:18,452 --> 00:15:21,130
There was
a special exhibition
of rare Monet paintings...
316
00:15:21,154 --> 00:15:22,732
Manet, honey.
What?
317
00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:24,989
It was
actually the Manet
exhibit. Not Monet.
318
00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:27,392
But no big deal.
People make that
mistake all the time.
319
00:15:27,461 --> 00:15:28,638
Oh! Right.
320
00:15:28,662 --> 00:15:30,206
You know,
I don't mean to be rude,
321
00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:32,141
but do
you have a more
comfortable chair?
322
00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:34,110
This
one's really
hurting my back.
323
00:15:34,134 --> 00:15:37,936
Oh, my God!
Quagmire, you come
out from under there!
324
00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:39,637
I'm sorry, everybody.
325
00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:44,842
I just wanted
to meet her so bad.
I can't do anything right.
326
00:15:44,911 --> 00:15:46,511
I'll go have a talk with him.
327
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,614
Hey, buddy,
where are all your pals?
328
00:15:49,683 --> 00:15:51,016
Playing baseball.
329
00:15:51,084 --> 00:15:52,595
Well, why aren't
you playing with them?
330
00:15:52,619 --> 00:15:54,352
'Cause I don't have a glove.
331
00:15:54,421 --> 00:15:55,720
Oh, yeah?
332
00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:58,056
Gee! Just for me?
No fooling?
333
00:15:58,125 --> 00:16:00,191
Nah, just kidding.
It's mine.
334
00:16:00,260 --> 00:16:01,900
Oh!
Yeah.
335
00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:08,066
Oh, sweetie,
dinner with your family
was so much fun tonight.
336
00:16:08,135 --> 00:16:09,946
Yeah.
I think they
really liked you.
337
00:16:09,970 --> 00:16:12,448
It was so cute
when you thought
Manet was Monet.
338
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,383
Yeah. Yeah.
That was a hoot.
339
00:16:14,407 --> 00:16:17,342
Oh, hey, how are you liking
that unabridged history of
Second World War
340
00:16:17,410 --> 00:16:19,177
naval tactics in
the Pacific Theater?
341
00:16:19,246 --> 00:16:21,913
Oh, it's really interesting.
I'm at the part
342
00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:24,782
where they detail the account
of Admiral Halsey's victory
at Midway.
343
00:16:24,852 --> 00:16:26,863
You mean Admiral Spruance,
sweetie.
Huh?
344
00:16:26,887 --> 00:16:30,222
Well, Halsey was hospitalized
with psoriasis at the outset
of the battle.
345
00:16:30,290 --> 00:16:34,559
So Spruance,
who, prior to June of 1941,
was primarily a desk admiral,
346
00:16:34,627 --> 00:16:37,207
was charged with
leading the naval fleet
at Midway against Japan.
347
00:16:37,231 --> 00:16:39,331
A victory which
surprised even
his peers,
348
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:42,868
and, in fact, was a turning
point for the American naval
forces in the Pacific.
349
00:16:42,936 --> 00:16:44,836
No, yeah.
That's the part I'm at.
350
00:16:44,905 --> 00:16:47,683
Oh, my God. You're so cute
when you don't know what
you're talking about.
351
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:49,185
Now, wait a minute.
What the hell does
that mean?
352
00:16:49,209 --> 00:16:51,254
Are you saying I'm not smart?
You don't have to be.
353
00:16:51,278 --> 00:16:54,345
You're adorable,
like those calendars
that have monkeys in clothes.
354
00:16:54,414 --> 00:16:56,125
Look, why
don't we talk about
this in the morning?
355
00:16:56,149 --> 00:16:58,716
I want to finish that book.
356
00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,785
Sweetie,
since when do you
wear reading glasses?
357
00:17:00,854 --> 00:17:02,921
What? These?
I've had these forever.
358
00:17:02,989 --> 00:17:04,700
Honey, those aren't real.
Sure, they are.
359
00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:08,026
No, they're not. I can see
the little Austin Powers
logo on the side.
360
00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:10,239
What are
you talking about?
These are my glasses.
361
00:17:12,766 --> 00:17:14,331
Yeah, baby!
362
00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:16,467
All right, I can't do this!
Can't do what?
363
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,447
I can't date someone
who's smarter than I am.
364
00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:20,004
I feel like Jillian.
365
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:21,939
Oh!
366
00:17:22,008 --> 00:17:23,585
What? What,
what, what?
What is that?
367
00:17:23,609 --> 00:17:24,742
I think I get it.
368
00:17:24,811 --> 00:17:27,045
This isn't about me
being smarter than you.
369
00:17:27,113 --> 00:17:29,058
This is about you still
being in love with Jillian.
370
00:17:29,082 --> 00:17:30,282
How do you know that?
371
00:17:30,349 --> 00:17:31,494
Because
I'm smarter
than you, Brian.
372
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:32,718
Oh, my God! You're right.
373
00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:39,756
. I'm...
374
00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:44,694
Somewhere along the line
she must have gotten
under my skin.
375
00:17:44,763 --> 00:17:48,432
I'm in love with her.
I'm in love with
Jillian.
376
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:50,412
How could I have been so myopic?
377
00:17:50,436 --> 00:17:53,070
Myopic.
Thank you, Lauren!
378
00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:00,522
My God, Lauren!
What am I gonna do?
379
00:18:00,546 --> 00:18:02,290
I'm still in love with Jillian.
380
00:18:02,314 --> 00:18:05,315
Well, there's
only one thing you can do,
Brian. Tell her how you feel.
381
00:18:05,384 --> 00:18:07,951
What's the use?
It's over. She's moved on.
382
00:18:08,020 --> 00:18:10,699
Well, who knows? Women
are complex creatures,
Brian.
383
00:18:10,723 --> 00:18:13,368
Maybe she just
needs to be reminded
how much she misses you.
384
00:18:13,392 --> 00:18:15,959
And I know exactly
how to do that,
Brian.
385
00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:18,188
She needs to see
you on the arm of
a beautiful woman.
386
00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:28,305
What is this gonna do?
It's gonna make her jealous.
387
00:18:28,374 --> 00:18:30,541
You
out on the town
with a hot date.
388
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,109
How are you a hot date?
389
00:18:32,178 --> 00:18:35,946
Whoa!
You're angry at her, not
me. No wonder you're alone.
390
00:18:41,254 --> 00:18:43,694
This isn't working at all.
She doesn't even know
we're here.
391
00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:45,901
She will, Brian.
And she's gonna
be upset
392
00:18:45,925 --> 00:18:47,435
that your date is so into you.
393
00:18:47,459 --> 00:18:50,627
Okay, ready?
I've been reading up
on things that sound sexy.
394
00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:53,463
Oh, Brian. I can't
wait till after dinner,
395
00:18:53,532 --> 00:18:56,700
'cause then we'll go home
and you can watch me have
my period.
396
00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:58,769
What the hell's wrong
with you? That's not sexy.
397
00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:01,172
Hey, Brian. I just
noticed you over here.
398
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:02,673
Hi, I'm Jillian.
399
00:19:02,741 --> 00:19:04,508
Desiree. Charmed.
400
00:19:04,577 --> 00:19:08,111
Well, I wish we could
stay, but we have quite
an exciting evening planned.
401
00:19:08,180 --> 00:19:10,814
Oh!
Oh, yeah. Right. We're
really hitting the town.
402
00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:13,150
Yes. We're gonna
douche the night
away.
403
00:19:13,218 --> 00:19:14,718
Well, have fun.
404
00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:16,598
You two are
a really cute couple.
405
00:19:16,622 --> 00:19:17,921
Hey, Desiree.
406
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:20,424
Oh! Hey, Lee.
407
00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:23,293
Brian, this is Lee.
Lee, this is Brian.
408
00:19:23,363 --> 00:19:26,430
I know Lee from Starbucks.
409
00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,198
Hey, is that Desiree?
410
00:19:31,804 --> 00:19:34,349
That's it. I mean,
I don't know what
else I can do.
411
00:19:34,373 --> 00:19:35,706
The wedding's tomorrow,
412
00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:38,086
and she hasn't
shown any signs
of leaving Derek.
413
00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:40,055
I've completely
run out of options.
414
00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:42,658
Not quite, Brian.
There's still one
thing you can do.
415
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:44,393
What's that?
Go for broke.
416
00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:46,595
Just throw all your
cards on the table
at once.
417
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:49,553
Show her that you love her
in a way she can't
possibly ignore.
418
00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:53,691
Hello?
Oh, hey, Lee.
419
00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:56,460
No, it's not a bad time.
420
00:19:56,528 --> 00:19:59,763
Yeah, I still have those boots.
421
00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:02,732
Well,
maybe I'll wear
them and maybe I won't.
422
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:26,123
"Love always protects,
always trusts,
423
00:20:26,191 --> 00:20:28,959
"always hopes,
always perseveres.
424
00:20:29,027 --> 00:20:32,263
"Lovebears all things,believes all things...
425
00:20:33,766 --> 00:20:36,199
"...hopes all things,
endures all things.
426
00:20:36,269 --> 00:20:39,570
"Love never ends.
Love never fails."
427
00:20:39,639 --> 00:20:42,506
Corinthians 13,
verses 4 through 8.
428
00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:44,219
Thank you.
That was beautiful.
429
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:46,510
And now, Jillian,
do you take Derek...
430
00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:48,044
Wait!
431
00:20:49,115 --> 00:20:51,314
Jillian, I'm in love with you.
432
00:20:51,383 --> 00:20:55,752
I want you...
No, I need you with
all my heart and soul.
433
00:20:55,821 --> 00:20:59,223
And my only regret is that
I didn't realize it when
we were together.
434
00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:01,002
Those were
the happiest
days of my life,
435
00:21:01,026 --> 00:21:07,565
and I want
more of those days.
Please, Jillian, I love you.
436
00:21:07,633 --> 00:21:09,600
Will you please take me back?
437
00:21:09,668 --> 00:21:11,836
Brian, no.
438
00:21:11,904 --> 00:21:16,106
You had your chance. I mean,
I thought you were my soul
train,
439
00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:17,541
but you didn't want me.
440
00:21:17,609 --> 00:21:19,220
Soul mate.
Soul food?
441
00:21:19,244 --> 00:21:23,414
I'm sorry,
but I'm in love
with Derek now.
442
00:21:23,482 --> 00:21:26,684
I see.
And you really
feel that way?
443
00:21:26,752 --> 00:21:27,784
Yeah.
444
00:21:27,853 --> 00:21:29,886
I mean, he's everything I have,
445
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:32,234
especially since
my mom died of
cancer.
446
00:21:38,630 --> 00:21:41,131
All right, party people.
Please clear the dance floor
447
00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:43,344
for the bride and
groom's first dance.
448
00:21:43,368 --> 00:21:47,204
And here tosing a romantic balladis the one and only Sting.
449
00:21:54,180 --> 00:21:56,514
♪ ...the fields of gold ♪
450
00:22:04,991 --> 00:22:08,225
Hey, buck up there, sport.
At least you gave it your
all.
451
00:22:08,294 --> 00:22:11,095
I guess you're right.
I still feel like
crap, though.
452
00:22:11,163 --> 00:22:13,563
Well, look at it this way.
You may have lost Jillian,
453
00:22:13,599 --> 00:22:15,844
but you can at least be
happy that she's happy.
454
00:22:15,868 --> 00:22:17,279
Plus, you can
always call Lauren.
455
00:22:17,303 --> 00:22:19,143
No. I can't.
Why not?
456
00:22:19,205 --> 00:22:20,737
She's never gonna
speak to me again.
457
00:22:20,806 --> 00:22:21,872
I gave her worms.
458
00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:01,560
English - US - Line 21
37130
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof