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1
00:00:03,070 --> 00:00:06,104
♪ It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:06,173 --> 00:00:09,374
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:09,442 --> 00:00:13,011
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:13,080 --> 00:00:16,081
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:16,150 --> 00:00:19,317
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:19,386 --> 00:00:22,621
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:22,689 --> 00:00:24,401
♪ All the things
that make us
8
00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:26,058
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:26,126 --> 00:00:30,963
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:37,170 --> 00:00:40,972
Griffin, I need you to run
these shipping reports
upstairs to the CEO.
11
00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:44,142
There's nothing fun or
entertaining about that.
12
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:47,379
Maybe if
I walk down the hall
with a wisecracking rabbi.
13
00:00:47,448 --> 00:00:49,281
Do you charge a lot
for your circumcisions?
14
00:00:49,349 --> 00:00:51,161
No, I just keep the tips.
15
00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:55,687
All right,
where's the
CEO's office?
16
00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:59,691
I've always wanted to
see the inside of the
executive bathroom.
17
00:01:03,831 --> 00:01:05,330
Executive bathroom, sir?
18
00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:06,832
Yes.
19
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,433
Right this way.
20
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:20,912
So where is this
executive bathroom?
21
00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:22,380
There.
22
00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:43,034
Welcome
to Executive
Bathroom Island.
23
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:51,409
Well, this is peaceful.
24
00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:56,481
Good morning, Lois.
25
00:01:56,550 --> 00:01:59,062
Wow,
Peter, since when do you
get so dressed up for work?
26
00:01:59,086 --> 00:02:01,819
Since I got tired
of getting nowhere
in this world, Lois.
27
00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:04,856
I have decided to
do whatever it takes
to become an executive.
28
00:02:04,925 --> 00:02:07,492
Well, it would certainly be
great if you got a promotion.
29
00:02:07,561 --> 00:02:10,072
You'd earn more
money, get better
health insurance...
30
00:02:10,096 --> 00:02:12,330
Lois,
I am doing this
for the bathroom.
31
00:02:12,399 --> 00:02:15,967
And I'm not giving up on my
dream, like I did with that
indoor hot-air balloon.
32
00:02:20,006 --> 00:02:21,973
And away we go.
33
00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:33,152
No, no, no, no, no, no!
34
00:02:33,220 --> 00:02:34,686
I can't feel my legs!
35
00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:36,299
Welcome to the party, pal.
36
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:37,556
No, wait, there they are.
37
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:41,971
♪ Call it hell,
call it heaven
38
00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:43,406
♪ Call it hell,
call it heaven
39
00:02:43,430 --> 00:02:45,764
♪ It's a probable 12 to 7
♪ It's a probable 12 to 7
40
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:47,844
♪ That the guy's only
doing it for some doll
41
00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:49,801
♪ That the guy's only
doing it for some doll
42
00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:51,614
♪ Some doll, some doll
♪ Some doll, some doll
43
00:02:51,638 --> 00:02:55,106
♪ The guy's only
doing it for some doll
44
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:58,610
♪ The guy's only
doing it for some doll ♪
45
00:03:01,949 --> 00:03:04,249
Boy, it sure is great
to have you back in
town, Frank.
46
00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:06,196
Yeah, but this place is dead.
47
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:08,060
I don't know. That one
guy seemed to like it.
48
00:03:08,088 --> 00:03:11,089
I like everything,
including ginger ale.
49
00:03:11,157 --> 00:03:15,427
That's my way
of ordering a ginger ale.
50
00:03:15,496 --> 00:03:18,196
Sorry I can't
pay you more, guys,
but business has been bad.
51
00:03:18,265 --> 00:03:19,931
I'm
actually looking
to sell the joint.
52
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:23,568
You can't sell this place.
So few clubs play real
music anymore.
53
00:03:23,636 --> 00:03:25,804
Well, you wanna buy it?
I'll give you a good deal.
54
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:27,617
You know, that's not a bad idea.
55
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:29,808
Yeah, we could really
turn this place around.
56
00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:33,978
Play our cards right, it could
be bigger than the Apollo
Theater.
57
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:37,682
All right, now, next up, we'vegot the comedy stylings ofKim Lee Sung!
58
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:39,117
Give it up!
59
00:03:39,185 --> 00:03:41,052
How you doing tonight?
60
00:03:41,121 --> 00:03:43,533
So you ever notice when twoblack guy come in yourconvenience store
61
00:03:43,557 --> 00:03:45,735
and one go one wayand one go theother way,
62
00:03:45,759 --> 00:03:47,136
what they doing?
What they stealing?
63
00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,393
Who with me?
64
00:03:50,497 --> 00:03:52,897
You stay out my store!
All you stay out my store.
65
00:03:52,966 --> 00:03:54,399
I remember you face.
66
00:03:57,638 --> 00:03:59,549
Peter,
I want you
to retype those...
67
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:02,273
Wow. What is this?
Have you been cleaning?
68
00:04:02,342 --> 00:04:04,609
Yep, I'm working extra
hard so you'll promote
me.
69
00:04:04,678 --> 00:04:06,322
Well, based on
your track record,
70
00:04:06,346 --> 00:04:08,625
you'll understand if I
have trouble believing
you.
71
00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:11,783
Believe it, Angela. I hate
being just a cog around here.
72
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:14,619
Almost as much as I hate
homeless people asking
me for money.
73
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:17,422
Spare some change?
Sure.
74
00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:19,969
You didn't put
anything in there.
75
00:04:19,993 --> 00:04:21,159
Yes, I did.
76
00:04:21,228 --> 00:04:24,062
I put hope in there.
Hope.
77
00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:26,464
Don't spend it all
in one place, Raggy.
78
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:31,737
Griffin, what the hell is this?
79
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:34,372
It's a robot that I built
to save this company money.
80
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:37,642
Now, before you say anything,
one, it has no human emotions,
81
00:04:37,711 --> 00:04:41,212
and two,
its prime directive
is never to harm people.
82
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,315
Oh, God, it's harming people!
83
00:04:43,383 --> 00:04:45,450
Angry! Angry!
84
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:48,019
Oh, God! It's got
human emotions, too!
85
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,433
It's using tools!
86
00:04:50,457 --> 00:04:53,017
It's learning, Angela!
It's learning!
Run!
87
00:04:56,763 --> 00:04:57,862
What do you want, Griffin?
88
00:04:57,931 --> 00:04:59,675
Angela, look out your window.
89
00:04:59,699 --> 00:05:02,678
You see that Anheuser-Busch
billboard next to the
children's hospital?
90
00:05:02,702 --> 00:05:04,236
Well, watch this.
91
00:05:06,173 --> 00:05:10,309
Oh, God!
Oh, my God,
this is horrible.
92
00:05:10,377 --> 00:05:13,311
Oh, God.
That's terrible.
93
00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:15,781
Oh, good Lord, save them.
Bless their...
94
00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:17,827
Oh, okay.
Yeah! There we go.
95
00:05:17,851 --> 00:05:19,771
All right,
everything worked out.
96
00:05:23,124 --> 00:05:26,125
We nowreturn to Matt Damonand Leonardo DiCaprio
97
00:05:26,193 --> 00:05:27,992
in The Detarded.
98
00:05:28,061 --> 00:05:29,561
You're under arrest.
99
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:31,830
No, you're under arrest.
100
00:05:37,738 --> 00:05:39,004
Stewie, guess what.
101
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:42,408
Frank and I just closed a deal
to buy the Quahog Cabana Club.
102
00:05:42,476 --> 00:05:45,388
Oh, wow, Brian,
what else are you doing
that's terrible and stupid?
103
00:05:45,412 --> 00:05:46,678
Just wait.
In a few weeks,
104
00:05:46,747 --> 00:05:48,880
that club will be
the hottest spot
in Quahog.
105
00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:50,616
You're deluding yourself.
106
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:53,953
You're gonna fail faster than
John Madden's wedding video
business.
107
00:05:56,556 --> 00:05:58,401
Boom! There's
your groom over here.
108
00:05:58,425 --> 00:06:00,459
Boom!You got yourbride right here.
109
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:02,961
A lot of people say
that Stacy's no good,
110
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:06,131
and that she's slept with
this guy, and done that guy
111
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:09,201
and even did somehand work on this guy,but I'll tell you something,
112
00:06:09,269 --> 00:06:11,970
that experience is gonna work
in her favor late in the game.
113
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:14,239
You know who had a heck
of a wedding? Brett Favre.
114
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:20,723
Griffin, I've got good news.
115
00:06:20,747 --> 00:06:22,914
A management-level position
has become available,
116
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:25,917
and I've seen
that you've been
working very hard lately.
117
00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:28,231
I am recommending
you for a promotion.
118
00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:29,932
Will I get to use
the executive bathroom?
119
00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:31,556
Of course.
120
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:34,659
Holy crap!
You know, last week I ate
a fortune cookie that said,
121
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:37,762
"Obvious lesbian
will bring great
news."
122
00:06:37,832 --> 00:06:40,765
It also said a grand
piano will fall on me.
123
00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:46,138
Well, good day to you.
And I will...
124
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:50,042
Yeah, I mean, we're...
We're done.
125
00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:52,643
Just squeeze by you here.
126
00:06:56,984 --> 00:07:00,151
Is this where I get
the poop pass to use
the executive bathroom?
127
00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:02,098
Sit down, Mr. Griffin.
We need to talk.
128
00:07:02,122 --> 00:07:04,455
Okay, well, make it fast
'cause I'm starting to
crown.
129
00:07:04,524 --> 00:07:08,092
Mr. Griffin, all
our executives require
a high school education.
130
00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:11,201
And your file
says that you never
passed the third grade.
131
00:07:11,231 --> 00:07:14,243
If you want this promotion,
you're going to have to go
back and finish.
132
00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:15,533
Well, that sounds hilarious,
133
00:07:15,602 --> 00:07:17,480
but it also sounds
like it might take
a while.
134
00:07:17,504 --> 00:07:19,149
I'm afraid
that's your
only option.
135
00:07:19,173 --> 00:07:22,875
Well, I mean,
if that's what I got
to do, then I guess I...
136
00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:28,880
Next time you get
a fortune cookie,
don't open it.
137
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:42,227
Bye, you guys.
Have fun at school.
138
00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:43,795
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
139
00:07:43,864 --> 00:07:45,596
Oh, Peter, stop pouting.
140
00:07:45,666 --> 00:07:48,933
All you got to do is finish
third grade and you'll get
that promotion.
141
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:51,180
This is gonna
be a bigger pain in the
ass
142
00:07:51,204 --> 00:07:54,272
than getting
into a last clap
contest with Cleveland.
143
00:07:54,341 --> 00:07:57,409
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Quahog Men's Chorus.
144
00:08:06,020 --> 00:08:08,131
Hey, hey, hey.
Clap one more
time,
145
00:08:08,155 --> 00:08:10,656
you're
not coming
to my birthday.
146
00:08:10,724 --> 00:08:12,804
- Who did that?
- Giggity.
147
00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:16,728
Good morning, class.
148
00:08:16,797 --> 00:08:18,930
Starting today,
we have a new student.
149
00:08:18,999 --> 00:08:21,866
Peter, would you like
to introduce yourself?
150
00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:23,568
Hi. My name's Peter Griffin.
151
00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:27,605
I was actually in third
grade a long time ago,
but I never finished.
152
00:08:27,675 --> 00:08:30,186
Back then,
we had a teacher
named Mrs. Wilson.
153
00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:32,844
Except
we had this funny
little nickname for her.
154
00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:36,281
We called her Mrs. "Killson"
'cause she had an abortion.
155
00:08:36,349 --> 00:08:37,761
I know, I know,
it's kind of silly,
156
00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:39,563
but we were, you know,
we were just a bunch
of kids.
157
00:08:39,587 --> 00:08:41,453
I'm sorry, go ahead, Mrs...
158
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:44,155
Wilson. Thank you, Peter.
159
00:08:44,224 --> 00:08:47,184
Why don't you
sit over there,
next to Omar?
160
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:49,895
Omar is our top student,
161
00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:51,708
and we're hoping
he'll lead us
to victory
162
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:54,610
next week in
the district
spelling bee.
163
00:08:54,634 --> 00:08:56,780
What are you doing in
our class? You're old.
164
00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:58,147
Are you stupid or something?
165
00:08:58,171 --> 00:08:59,938
Picking on the new kid, huh?
166
00:09:00,006 --> 00:09:02,507
Well,
at least my parents
didn't name me Gaymar!
167
00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:07,612
Wow, I never knew you could
make fun of someone for
being homosexual.
168
00:09:07,681 --> 00:09:10,147
And by
laughing at other
people's sexuality,
169
00:09:10,216 --> 00:09:12,116
somehow I feel
better about my own.
170
00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:21,193
Hey, Brian,
where are all the people?
171
00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,573
They'll be here, Frank.
We just got to give
them time.
172
00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:26,331
And wouldn't you know it,
there's our first customer.
173
00:09:26,400 --> 00:09:29,267
I'll entertain him while
we wait for more to arrive.
174
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:31,547
So thanks for coming.
How you doing tonight?
175
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,404
Good.
176
00:09:33,473 --> 00:09:35,084
Glad to hear it.
Any requests?
177
00:09:35,108 --> 00:09:37,709
Play On the Dark Side
178
00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:41,312
by John Cafferty
and the Beaver Brown Band.
179
00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:42,814
Give it up, Brian.
180
00:09:42,882 --> 00:09:45,995
No one wants to go to
a stupid big band
club anymore.
181
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:48,564
You know, I could help you
make some changes around
here
182
00:09:48,588 --> 00:09:49,966
that would bring in customers.
183
00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:51,800
You know, Brian,
we should give
Stewie a shot.
184
00:09:51,824 --> 00:09:52,902
It can't hurt.
185
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,926
Well, what'd you have in mind?
186
00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:57,574
Just trust me, Brian.
I know exactly what
to do.
187
00:09:57,598 --> 00:09:58,775
You've got to be aggressive,
188
00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:00,743
even more aggressive
than Michael Jackson's
189
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:03,048
treatment of his
own groin on stage.
190
00:10:21,688 --> 00:10:22,754
Thank you.
191
00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:29,361
All right, Susie,
what have you brought
in for show-and-tell?
192
00:10:29,429 --> 00:10:32,764
This is my Malibu Barbie doll
that I got for Christmas this
year.
193
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:36,735
She comes with a hairbrush,
a pocketbook and two
different dresses.
194
00:10:36,804 --> 00:10:40,438
Oh, my God.
Who the hell cares?
195
00:10:40,507 --> 00:10:43,842
Peter,
I would like to remind you
that you are in a classroom.
196
00:10:43,910 --> 00:10:45,176
Not for long.
197
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:49,347
Can I help you, sir?
198
00:10:49,416 --> 00:10:51,193
Hi there.
My name's
Glenn Griffin.
199
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:53,463
I'm here
to pick up my son
Peter for a ball game...
200
00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:54,687
Doctor's appointment.
201
00:10:54,754 --> 00:10:57,054
Peter is your son?
That is affirmative.
202
00:10:57,123 --> 00:11:00,692
Because
you look a lot more
like that child over there.
203
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:02,680
Daddy?
Oh, God!
204
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:07,832
Daddy?
Oh, God!
205
00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:12,878
Papa?
Oh, God!
206
00:11:14,942 --> 00:11:16,385
Hey, there are no
kids in here, right?
207
00:11:16,409 --> 00:11:17,742
Nope. Just me.
208
00:11:17,811 --> 00:11:19,577
Oh, thank God.
209
00:11:19,646 --> 00:11:21,379
You wanna have unprotected sex?
210
00:11:21,448 --> 00:11:22,914
Hmm...
211
00:11:37,463 --> 00:11:39,764
What the hell did
Stewie do to this
place?
212
00:11:39,832 --> 00:11:42,534
Hey, get a load of
Maynard G. Krebs
over here.
213
00:11:42,602 --> 00:11:44,613
He's rubbing the
records with his
hand.
214
00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:47,172
Hey, hey,
you're gonna
ruin that, you know.
215
00:11:47,240 --> 00:11:49,774
Well, I'm sorry,
I shouldn't have
called you a name.
216
00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:52,777
Here, take some of
these for your 45s.
217
00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:55,647
You can't play your 45s
without these little
yellow things.
218
00:11:55,716 --> 00:11:58,450
What'll they make you buy next?
219
00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:00,685
Hey, hey, there they are!
220
00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:02,754
Stewie, what is all this?
221
00:12:04,924 --> 00:12:06,168
't call it the
Cabana Club anymore,
Frank.
222
00:12:06,192 --> 00:12:08,992
It's now
called pLace.
Little "p", big "L".
223
00:12:09,061 --> 00:12:12,529
Congratulations.
You two now own the
hottest spot in town.
224
00:12:12,598 --> 00:12:14,298
Wow, that's a lot of people.
225
00:12:14,367 --> 00:12:16,366
I hope we have enough rye.
226
00:12:16,435 --> 00:12:17,801
How'd you pay for all this?
227
00:12:17,870 --> 00:12:20,704
I got a job as
a field reporter
for Channel 5 News.
228
00:12:20,773 --> 00:12:22,740
And all
the juice is being
collected underneath?
229
00:12:22,809 --> 00:12:24,687
Yes, and whoever
collects the most
230
00:12:24,711 --> 00:12:26,789
is gonna win a free
weekend here at the
chateau
231
00:12:26,813 --> 00:12:29,179
with international
foods and wine tastings.
232
00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:30,314
Stop!
233
00:12:40,727 --> 00:12:43,160
I can't breathe!
I can't breathe!
234
00:12:44,864 --> 00:12:47,631
Oh, gosh, I hope he's all right.
235
00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:50,020
Well, we'll have to send
someone to make sure
that he is.
236
00:12:54,374 --> 00:12:56,206
Hey, Omar, want a Hertz Donut?
237
00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:57,709
Okay.
238
00:12:58,544 --> 00:13:01,678
Hurts, don't it? Dumbass.
239
00:13:01,747 --> 00:13:05,282
Wow, he effectively silenced
Omar by hitting him in the
face.
240
00:13:05,351 --> 00:13:06,584
My dad hits me.
241
00:13:06,653 --> 00:13:09,420
But I bet if I hit others,
the pain stops.
242
00:13:09,488 --> 00:13:12,401
Someday, I'll use what
I've learned here on
my wife.
243
00:13:12,425 --> 00:13:14,759
Peter, is this your homework?
244
00:13:14,827 --> 00:13:17,228
Hold on.
Let me take out
my reading glasses.
245
00:13:19,065 --> 00:13:21,165
Yeah, that's mine.
246
00:13:21,234 --> 00:13:22,844
I could flunk you for this,
247
00:13:22,868 --> 00:13:25,703
but "buttlickers" is
a three-syllable word.
248
00:13:25,771 --> 00:13:28,038
Not even Omar can spell those.
249
00:13:28,107 --> 00:13:31,642
So you're joining him at
next week's district
spelling bee.
250
00:13:31,710 --> 00:13:33,722
If you lead our
school to victory,
251
00:13:33,746 --> 00:13:35,724
I'll let you pass third grade.
252
00:13:35,748 --> 00:13:37,715
But if you lose, you fail.
253
00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:39,584
I accept that challenge.
254
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:42,520
Late '70s
Bruce Jenner,
take me home.
255
00:13:42,588 --> 00:13:43,887
Hop on, Peter.
256
00:13:59,205 --> 00:14:02,507
So, Brian,
how's it feel to own
the coolest club in Quahog?
257
00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:04,720
You think
this is cool?
Look at these people.
258
00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:07,845
I'd rather
go bankrupt than cater to
pretentious jerks like this.
259
00:14:07,914 --> 00:14:11,348
Whoa,
Brian, slow down, man.
We're making money now.
260
00:14:11,417 --> 00:14:14,819
And besides,
this place ain't all bad.
261
00:14:14,888 --> 00:14:16,553
Hey, you girls thirsty?
262
00:14:16,622 --> 00:14:18,889
Could I interest you
in a couple of Rob Roys?
263
00:14:18,958 --> 00:14:20,224
What's a Rob Roy?
264
00:14:20,292 --> 00:14:23,060
Only the drink of
Mr. Peter Lawford.
265
00:14:23,129 --> 00:14:24,528
Who's Peter Lawford?
266
00:14:24,597 --> 00:14:26,742
What am
I hitting on,
Lou Costello here?
267
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:28,366
Who's Lou Costello?
268
00:14:28,435 --> 00:14:32,202
Sorry,
my friend's a little
new to the club scene.
269
00:14:32,271 --> 00:14:34,783
Geez,
what the hell's
with these broads?
270
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:37,508
Look at you two.
Tuxes in a nightclub?
271
00:14:37,577 --> 00:14:41,012
God, you're more
out of place than Prince
was on The Price Is Right.
272
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,692
And what's your
bid on the dining
room set, Prince?
273
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:45,327
$350.
I'm sorry?
274
00:14:45,351 --> 00:14:46,351
$350.
275
00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:47,918
Can you speak up, please?
276
00:14:47,987 --> 00:14:49,653
$350.
277
00:14:49,722 --> 00:14:55,092
All right. And the
actual retail price of
the dining room set is $350.
278
00:14:55,161 --> 00:14:56,260
Yay.
279
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:04,702
Peter, wake up!
Who? What?
280
00:15:04,770 --> 00:15:06,982
Lois.
I just had
the weirdest dream
281
00:15:07,006 --> 00:15:09,273
that Lewis Black told
jokes that were so funny,
282
00:15:09,342 --> 00:15:11,676
he had to shout them
so everyone could hear.
283
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:14,778
Peter,
you got to stay awake.
The spelling bee's tomorrow!
284
00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:16,480
But, Lois, I'm scared.
285
00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:19,194
There's
no way I can compete
against those other kids.
286
00:15:19,218 --> 00:15:21,396
It's like trying to
beat schpupel champion
287
00:15:21,420 --> 00:15:24,188
Fjurg Van Der Ploeg
at a game of schpupel.
288
00:15:33,532 --> 00:15:34,799
Schpupel!
289
00:15:36,735 --> 00:15:38,235
Don't be sad, Peter.
290
00:15:38,304 --> 00:15:40,544
That's why they
call it "schpupel."
291
00:15:43,209 --> 00:15:44,708
God, we look like idiots.
292
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:47,778
Hey, hey,
that's more like it!
Where'd you get the threads?
293
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:49,513
We went to Barney's.
294
00:15:49,582 --> 00:15:52,683
I heard that's where all
the famous people shop
for skinny-leg jeans.
295
00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:55,986
Whoa! These
are the tightest,
penis-compressingest,
296
00:15:56,055 --> 00:15:59,690
sperm-killingest,
testicle-grippingest
jeans I ever tried on!
297
00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:02,993
Brian, Frank, meet
Dakota and New Bedford.
298
00:16:03,062 --> 00:16:04,862
Hey, how's it hanging, Dakota?
299
00:16:04,931 --> 00:16:06,263
What's up, New Bedford?
300
00:16:06,331 --> 00:16:08,443
You look like rappers,
but you're not black,
301
00:16:08,467 --> 00:16:10,701
so that's the
perfect amount of danger.
302
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:12,548
Oh, God.
Hey, listen, you guys
get to know each other.
303
00:16:12,572 --> 00:16:15,572
Looks like my doorman
let another gazelle
in here.
304
00:16:16,275 --> 00:16:18,035
I'm sorry, but we've
been over this before.
305
00:16:18,077 --> 00:16:19,755
We don't serve your kind here.
306
00:16:19,779 --> 00:16:21,423
You're gonna
hear from my lawyer.
307
00:16:21,447 --> 00:16:22,980
Yeah, you know,
I would welcome that.
308
00:16:23,049 --> 00:16:25,483
I would welcome the
opportunity to hear
from a lawyer
309
00:16:25,551 --> 00:16:26,884
that represents a gazelle.
310
00:16:26,952 --> 00:16:28,486
What's his name?
311
00:16:28,554 --> 00:16:30,274
Yeah, I don't have a lawyer.
312
00:16:33,192 --> 00:16:35,192
And I'll
tell you something
about Dean Martin.
313
00:16:35,261 --> 00:16:36,827
He was
the only guy
on a golf course
314
00:16:36,896 --> 00:16:39,397
who had a five-iron
with a cork on the
end of it.
315
00:16:41,867 --> 00:16:45,603
So who wants to come back to
the hotel and take a whack
at my genitals?
316
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:47,015
Cool!
Awesome!
317
00:16:47,039 --> 00:16:48,739
All right, we got a ball game.
318
00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:51,608
Hang on, girls. I'll get
you a couple appletinis.
319
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:53,376
This is going great, Frank.
320
00:16:53,445 --> 00:16:57,014
This club and these clothes,
my God, there's nothing
that can stop us.
321
00:16:57,083 --> 00:17:01,952
Hey, party people,
I'm ready to get 86ed!
322
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,921
Andy Dick?
Oh, no!
323
00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:05,456
Come on!
Let's get out of here!
324
00:17:09,795 --> 00:17:11,562
What the hell just happened?
325
00:17:11,631 --> 00:17:13,364
Andy Dick happened.
326
00:17:13,432 --> 00:17:15,244
As soon as that guy
shows up any place,
327
00:17:15,268 --> 00:17:17,508
it gets a worse rap
than John Wilkes Booth.
328
00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:24,108
Stupid hat. Damn it!
329
00:17:24,176 --> 00:17:26,536
I paid 15 cents for this ticket.
330
00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:29,781
No, he didn't!
331
00:17:29,850 --> 00:17:32,194
Christ,
could he be
any more annoying?
332
00:17:33,854 --> 00:17:37,589
Oh, hey, it's Tom!
Tommy!
333
00:17:37,657 --> 00:17:39,769
Hey, hey,
I hear you took
that black chick home.
334
00:17:39,793 --> 00:17:41,713
Hey, hey, you're welcome.
335
00:17:48,333 --> 00:17:55,039
Our next spelling beecontestant is OmarMaharjarifa...
336
00:17:55,107 --> 00:17:56,651
Something September 11th-y.
337
00:17:56,675 --> 00:17:59,376
All right, Omar,
your word is "candy."
338
00:17:59,445 --> 00:18:03,079
Candy. C-A-N-D-Y. Candy.
339
00:18:03,148 --> 00:18:06,516
That's correct. Our next
contestant is Peter Griffin.
340
00:18:07,486 --> 00:18:09,753
Peter, your word is "tree."
341
00:18:09,822 --> 00:18:11,366
Can you use it in
a sentence, please?
342
00:18:11,390 --> 00:18:13,724
There is a tree by the lake.
343
00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:16,293
Can you use it in
a dirty sentence?
344
00:18:16,361 --> 00:18:19,007
I like to bringtransient hookersto the old oak tree,
345
00:18:19,031 --> 00:18:20,764
where I asphyxiate myself
346
00:18:20,833 --> 00:18:23,378
at the same timeI'm watching themhave sex with each other.
347
00:18:23,402 --> 00:18:25,636
T-R-E-E. Tree.
Correct.
348
00:18:29,542 --> 00:18:31,820
We're now down to our
final two competitors,
349
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:34,144
Peter Griffin and
Omar North Tower.
350
00:18:34,213 --> 00:18:38,281
Omar,you'll be going first.Your word is "coagulate."
351
00:18:38,951 --> 00:18:44,655
C-O-A-G-A...
352
00:18:46,459 --> 00:18:49,070
Ooh! I'm sorry, Omar.Bet you could spell"box cutter."
353
00:18:49,094 --> 00:18:51,495
I'm nine years
old and I'm Indian.
354
00:18:53,098 --> 00:18:54,576
All right, Peter,if you spell yournext word correctly,
355
00:18:54,600 --> 00:18:55,760
you win the competition.
356
00:18:58,371 --> 00:19:00,972
Your word is "lesbians."
357
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:02,306
Can you use it in a sentence?
358
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:04,909
The two lesbians
are going shopping.
359
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,421
Can you use it in
a dirty sentence?
360
00:19:06,445 --> 00:19:07,690
The two lesbians
are going shopping
361
00:19:07,714 --> 00:19:09,794
for double-headed marital aids.
362
00:19:15,954 --> 00:19:18,522
Wait. Can you use it
in a libelous sentence?
363
00:19:18,591 --> 00:19:21,525
Gillian Anderson and
Helen Hunt are lesbians.
364
00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:23,827
L-E-S-B-I-A-N-S.
Correct!
365
00:19:25,531 --> 00:19:27,631
I did it, Lois!
My God, I did it!
366
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:29,099
You sure did, Peter.
367
00:19:29,168 --> 00:19:30,600
I'm so proud of you.
368
00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:32,102
Way to go, Dad.
369
00:19:32,171 --> 00:19:33,882
Yeah, you're a smart fella, Dad.
370
00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:35,383
And you're a fart smeller, Meg.
371
00:19:38,210 --> 00:19:40,110
Let's go home.
372
00:19:43,416 --> 00:19:47,718
Angela, I did it.
I finished the third grade.
I'm ready for my promotion.
373
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:50,788
Griffin, you blew up
a children's hospital.
374
00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:52,500
You're going to jail.
What?
375
00:19:52,524 --> 00:19:54,892
What,
you think everyone
just forgot about that?
376
00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:58,762
There was an investigation,
fingerprints, forensic
reports.
377
00:19:58,831 --> 00:20:02,933
Nineteen
children died, Peter,
and the FBI knows it was you.
378
00:20:06,071 --> 00:20:12,109
Mr. Griffin, this court finds
you guilty and sentences you
to seven days in prison.
379
00:20:12,177 --> 00:20:13,937
You'll be out
next Sunday
at 9:00.
380
00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:25,668
God, I can't believe we
bought these ridiculous
clothes
381
00:20:25,692 --> 00:20:27,402
for a club that
didn't even last.
382
00:20:27,426 --> 00:20:30,260
Hey,
come on, we had
a great 72-hour run,
383
00:20:30,329 --> 00:20:32,374
and in this business
that's all you can
ask for.
384
00:20:32,398 --> 00:20:36,533
Besides, I've already opened
a new club that's even more
exclusive than this one.
385
00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:38,135
Really? Where is it?
386
00:20:38,204 --> 00:20:41,405
Brian, it's so exclusive
that it doesn't even
have a location.
387
00:20:41,474 --> 00:20:44,008
It's in here. Human heart.
388
00:20:44,077 --> 00:20:46,577
I think that's a beat
we can all dance to.
389
00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:49,413
Wow.
I weirdly feel a lot better.
390
00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:52,717
Hey, Brian,
what do you say we
sing Stewie some real music?
391
00:20:52,785 --> 00:20:53,984
Sounds good to me.
392
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:04,261
♪ On the western side
of Quahog
393
00:21:04,330 --> 00:21:07,831
♪ If you'd care to come along
394
00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:11,435
♪ There's a club
that's so exclusive
395
00:21:11,504 --> 00:21:14,805
♪ That the line
is 10 miles long
396
00:21:14,874 --> 00:21:18,442
♪ Where the douchebags
come to party
397
00:21:18,511 --> 00:21:21,946
♪ And to spend
their father's cash
398
00:21:22,014 --> 00:21:25,516
♪ Just to take
home slutty women
399
00:21:25,584 --> 00:21:29,086
♪ And then wake up with a rash
400
00:21:29,155 --> 00:21:32,122
♪ Yeah, they wake up
Wake up, wake up, wake up
401
00:21:32,191 --> 00:21:33,657
♪ With a rash
402
00:21:35,961 --> 00:21:39,696
♪ Take me out to pLace tonight
♪ Take me out to pLace tonight
403
00:21:39,765 --> 00:21:41,498
♪ Where
the wool-knit caps are tight
404
00:21:41,567 --> 00:21:43,267
♪ Where
the wool-knit caps are tight
405
00:21:43,335 --> 00:21:46,904
♪ And the guys in
hooded sweatshirts
406
00:21:46,973 --> 00:21:50,407
♪ Have forgotten
that they're white
407
00:21:50,476 --> 00:21:54,011
♪ Take me out to pLace tonight
♪ Take me out to pLace tonight
408
00:21:54,079 --> 00:21:55,813
♪ Where a dude
can pick a fight
409
00:21:55,881 --> 00:21:57,626
♪ Where a dude
can pick a fight
410
00:21:57,650 --> 00:22:02,553
♪ Over who takes home
That smoking Chinese
bar skank
411
00:22:04,690 --> 00:22:07,491
♪ On the right
412
00:22:11,763 --> 00:22:15,265
♪ There's a throng
of trendy people
413
00:22:15,334 --> 00:22:18,969
♪ And they're
stretched around the block
414
00:22:19,037 --> 00:22:22,406
♪ And there's one
unpleasant deaf guy
415
00:22:22,475 --> 00:22:25,176
♪ Who just really
shouldn't talk
416
00:22:25,244 --> 00:22:26,910
Vodka tonic, please.
417
00:22:26,979 --> 00:22:30,381
♪ There's a chick
who's kind of Persian
418
00:22:30,449 --> 00:22:33,951
♪ And a broad with zero fat
419
00:22:34,020 --> 00:22:37,588
♪ And a giant human monkey
420
00:22:37,656 --> 00:22:40,958
♪ Oh, no, wait,
that's Spencer Pratt
421
00:22:41,026 --> 00:22:42,693
♪ Yeah, you're right
422
00:22:44,330 --> 00:22:46,130
♪ That's Spencer Pratt
423
00:22:47,900 --> 00:22:51,735
♪ Take me out to pLace tonight
♪ Take me out to pLace tonight
424
00:22:51,804 --> 00:22:55,206
♪ To a bathroom stall delight
♪ To a bathroom stall delight
425
00:22:55,274 --> 00:22:58,776
♪ Where a girl
will help you empty
426
00:22:58,844 --> 00:23:02,345
♪ Every last electrolyte
427
00:23:02,414 --> 00:23:05,882
♪ Take me out to pLace tonight
♪ Take me out to pLace tonight
428
00:23:05,951 --> 00:23:07,684
♪ Where there
ain't no cellulite
429
00:23:07,753 --> 00:23:09,464
♪ Where there
ain't no cellulite
430
00:23:09,488 --> 00:23:10,888
♪ And we'll drink
ourselves insane
431
00:23:10,956 --> 00:23:12,334
♪ And we'll drink
ourselves insane
432
00:23:12,358 --> 00:23:15,092
♪ Until we're feeling
♪ Until we're feeling
433
00:23:16,295 --> 00:23:19,429
♪ Dynamite
♪ Dynamite ♪
434
00:23:24,971 --> 00:23:28,071
♪ It seems today
that all you see
435
00:23:28,140 --> 00:23:31,408
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
436
00:23:31,477 --> 00:23:34,978
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
437
00:23:35,047 --> 00:23:37,848
♪ On which we used to rely?
438
00:23:37,916 --> 00:23:41,051
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
439
00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:44,387
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
440
00:23:44,456 --> 00:23:46,257
♪ All the things that make us
441
00:23:46,325 --> 00:23:47,591
♪ Laugh and cry
442
00:23:47,660 --> 00:23:53,063
♪ He's a family guy ♪
35435
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