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1
00:00:51,685 --> 00:00:54,363
Okay, everyone,
hurry up and hand
in your Oscar picks
2
00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:56,788
before it starts.
3
00:00:56,857 --> 00:00:59,724
Peter, for Best Picture,
you wrote Wild Hogs.
4
00:00:59,793 --> 00:01:02,794
Lois, "Four guys
from the suburbs
hit the road,
5
00:01:02,863 --> 00:01:05,029
"and the road
hit back."
6
00:01:05,098 --> 00:01:08,900
Peter knows
the advertising log
lines for every movie.
7
00:01:08,969 --> 00:01:10,046
Blades of Glory.
8
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,403
"Kick some ice."
9
00:01:11,471 --> 00:01:12,515
Entrapment.
10
00:01:12,539 --> 00:01:13,805
"The trap is set."
11
00:01:13,873 --> 00:01:15,106
RV.
12
00:01:15,175 --> 00:01:17,976
"On a family vacation,
no one can hear you scream."
13
00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:19,155
Philadelphia.
14
00:01:19,179 --> 00:01:20,578
"Poop chute lawsuit."
15
00:01:20,647 --> 00:01:21,727
I don't remember that one.
16
00:01:21,781 --> 00:01:23,459
That one doesn't sound real.
17
00:01:23,483 --> 00:01:24,994
Ladies and gentlemen,
Scarlett Johansson,
18
00:01:25,018 --> 00:01:27,018
and for some reason,
Steve Buscemi.
19
00:01:31,859 --> 00:01:36,261
Sy one.
20
00:01:36,330 --> 00:01:39,131
That's right, Scarlett,
but this year...
21
00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:40,276
Hey, where are you going?
22
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:41,511
I'm going to the
Elton John party.
23
00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:42,901
What the hell?
24
00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:44,580
I told you
we were staying for
the Governors Ball.
25
00:01:44,604 --> 00:01:48,540
And I told you, Tim,
we would see how
the evening plays out.
26
00:01:48,608 --> 00:01:52,044
You guys have fun.
I'm going for Scarlett.
27
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:55,192
It smells like
Josh Hartnett's
balls in there.
28
00:01:56,951 --> 00:01:59,751
I took a laxative
and a stool hardener,
29
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:01,464
and they're fighting
it out in there.
30
00:02:01,488 --> 00:02:03,454
Yeah, it's upstairs, Mort.
31
00:02:03,523 --> 00:02:06,492
Oh, boy, I hope
there's a scale
in there.
32
00:02:06,560 --> 00:02:09,394
I'd like to
have a "before" and
"after" on this one.
33
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:10,607
I'll be out in a minute.
34
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:11,996
I really need to go.
35
00:02:12,066 --> 00:02:14,386
She said she'll be
out in a minute!
36
00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:17,902
I hope there's another
bathroom in here. Oh, God.
37
00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:22,107
Oh, thank God, a Porta-Potty.
38
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:31,250
Dad, Mr. Goldman
never drank his Ensure.
39
00:02:31,318 --> 00:02:33,252
Can I have it,
even though
it's dinnertime?
40
00:02:33,320 --> 00:02:36,521
Sure, Chris.
"Drink Ensure as a meal,
or in-between meals.
41
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,523
"Or when you're
on the go!"
42
00:02:38,591 --> 00:02:40,437
Is Mort still in the bathroom?
43
00:02:40,461 --> 00:02:42,238
I'll go see if he's all right.
44
00:02:42,262 --> 00:02:44,796
Mort? Hello? Mort?
45
00:02:44,864 --> 00:02:46,175
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
46
00:02:46,199 --> 00:02:47,844
What are you doing in my room?
47
00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:51,202
Don't touch my stuff
with your dirty
walking-on-the-street paws.
48
00:02:51,271 --> 00:02:52,704
I'm looking for Mort.
49
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:54,951
He came up here
an hour ago and
never came back down.
50
00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:56,586
Uh-oh.
What?
51
00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:58,421
My time machine
has been activated.
52
00:02:58,445 --> 00:03:01,024
Time machine?
I didn't know you
had a time machine.
53
00:03:01,048 --> 00:03:05,217
Yeah, I built it after
I got bored with that
European See 'n Say.
54
00:03:05,285 --> 00:03:07,652
The pig goes, "Wenk."
55
00:03:09,323 --> 00:03:12,457
The cow goes,
"Sha-zooo."
56
00:03:12,525 --> 00:03:15,126
It most certainly does not.
57
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:18,230
The rooster goes,
"Gickery-gee."
58
00:03:18,298 --> 00:03:20,631
Where? Where does
the rooster say that?
59
00:03:20,700 --> 00:03:22,800
The monkey goes,
"Ma-cock."
60
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:25,636
No, no, no, no, it does not.
61
00:03:25,705 --> 00:03:28,039
The elephant goes,
"Fwaamp."
62
00:03:28,108 --> 00:03:29,608
Yeah, kind of.
63
00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:31,921
Stewie, do you think
Mort might have
accidentally stumbled
64
00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:33,089
into the time machine?
65
00:03:33,113 --> 00:03:34,524
Well, I suppose it's possible.
66
00:03:34,548 --> 00:03:35,881
Let's ask Rick Moranis
67
00:03:35,950 --> 00:03:38,150
and the backup singers
from Little Shop of Horrors.
68
00:03:38,219 --> 00:03:39,618
♪ Da-doo
69
00:03:39,687 --> 00:03:41,998
I saw a red-headed
guy come up here
about an hour ago.
70
00:03:42,022 --> 00:03:43,722
♪ Mort the Jew
71
00:03:43,791 --> 00:03:46,758
He seemed to be in a rush
and had a pained look
on his face.
72
00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:48,927
♪ Had to poo
73
00:03:48,996 --> 00:03:50,428
♪ Sha-doop-a-doop-a-doo
74
00:03:50,497 --> 00:03:52,175
And he stepped
into that box there
75
00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:54,933
and suddenly there was
a big flash of light.
76
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:58,870
♪ That's when
he went back in time ♪
77
00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:00,950
Oh, my God, Stewie,
we have to get him back.
78
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:02,886
When did the machine
send him?
I don't know.
79
00:04:02,910 --> 00:04:04,687
How can you not know?
It's a time machine.
80
00:04:04,711 --> 00:04:07,590
Doesn't it have, like,
a display that tells you
the year or something?
81
00:04:07,614 --> 00:04:10,749
Oh, I'm sorry, Brian,
is my time machine not as
good as your time machine?
82
00:04:10,817 --> 00:04:14,052
Oh, yeah. Oh, no,
you've probably got a way
better time machine. Yeah.
83
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:15,587
Stupid dog.
84
00:04:15,656 --> 00:04:18,468
Well, then, can't you just
press a couple buttons
and bring him back?
85
00:04:18,492 --> 00:04:21,059
No, he can't just come back.
He needs the return pad.
86
00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:23,361
Well, we can't just
leave Mort back in time.
87
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:26,510
That'd be more
irresponsible than
silent movie porn.
88
00:04:42,216 --> 00:04:43,860
All right, we'll go get him.
89
00:04:43,884 --> 00:04:47,118
But remember, Brian,
don't touch anything
when we're in the past.
90
00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:50,121
Even stepping
on a mosquito could
create a chain reaction
91
00:04:50,190 --> 00:04:52,368
that drastically
alters the present.
Really?
92
00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:55,259
No, you can do whatever
you want. Come on.
93
00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,605
Okay, if everything
worked properly,
94
00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:09,708
this should be
the exact time and place
that Mort was sent to.
95
00:05:09,777 --> 00:05:11,354
Now, we've just gotta
figure out where we are.
96
00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:12,744
Or when we are.
97
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:15,680
That's such a douche
time-traveler thing to say.
98
00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:17,582
Sha-zooo.
99
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:21,219
Okay, we're somewhere
in Europe. Look, Brian.
100
00:05:21,288 --> 00:05:23,967
This trail
of used tissues should
lead us right to Mort.
101
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,023
Or to Quagmire.
102
00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:28,561
He's gross.
103
00:05:51,719 --> 00:05:54,720
Warsaw. Well, at least
we know where we are.
104
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,688
And so we had him crucified.
105
00:05:56,757 --> 00:05:58,468
But that doesn't
leave this room.
106
00:05:58,492 --> 00:06:00,058
Anyway, the point is,
107
00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:04,662
may Chaim and Sarah
have many wonderful
years together. Amen.
108
00:06:04,731 --> 00:06:08,133
Excuse me?
We're looking
for a Mr. Goldman.
109
00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:11,803
Mr. Mort Goldman?
110
00:06:11,872 --> 00:06:14,105
He's a small business owner.
Tends to whine a lot.
111
00:06:14,174 --> 00:06:16,475
Kind of a hypochondriac.
112
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:19,255
Oh, no, you can't put
your hand back up
after you've put it down.
113
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:21,045
You know what, never mind.
114
00:06:21,115 --> 00:06:25,016
Stewie, look at this.
September 1, 1939.
115
00:06:25,085 --> 00:06:27,285
There's something
about that date.
116
00:06:27,353 --> 00:06:29,488
I now pronounce you
man and wife.
117
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:32,057
Mazel tov. Now,
step on the glass.
118
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:33,992
Oh. But be careful, though.
119
00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:36,527
At my wedding, I cut
myself on the glass.
120
00:06:36,596 --> 00:06:38,641
And when I got
to Palm Beach
for the honeymoon,
121
00:06:38,665 --> 00:06:42,200
I had to put
a Wonder Bread bag on my
foot to keep the sand out.
122
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:48,139
Oh, Mort. Thank God.
123
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,709
Brian and Stewie?
You're in Heaven, too?
124
00:06:50,777 --> 00:06:53,979
Mort, this isn't Heaven.
You've time-traveled
into the past.
125
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:56,615
What? How is
that possible?
126
00:06:56,683 --> 00:06:58,795
Just... Just trust me.
We're here to bring you
back home.
127
00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:00,518
But it's gotta be Heaven, Brian.
128
00:07:00,587 --> 00:07:02,688
Look, there's
my frugal Aunt Ruth,
129
00:07:02,756 --> 00:07:04,289
my thrifty Uncle Isaac,
130
00:07:04,358 --> 00:07:07,626
my bargain-hunting Aunt Flo,
and my Great Aunt Vera,
131
00:07:07,695 --> 00:07:09,661
who didn't like
to spend a lot
on anything.
132
00:07:09,730 --> 00:07:11,140
Come on, Mort,
we gotta get
out of here.
133
00:07:11,164 --> 00:07:13,565
But Brian, when am I gonna
have another chance
134
00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:16,802
to see my Grandpa Chaim's
wedding with my own eyes?
135
00:07:16,870 --> 00:07:18,302
Yes, you know,
he's right, Brian.
136
00:07:18,371 --> 00:07:20,605
Besides, I've never been
to a Hebrew wedding.
137
00:07:20,674 --> 00:07:23,341
Well, I guess we could
stay a little longer.
138
00:07:23,409 --> 00:07:25,243
Oh, wonderful!
139
00:07:25,311 --> 00:07:28,546
I want to be hoisted up
on the chair and see what
it feels like to be top Jew.
140
00:08:53,666 --> 00:08:54,746
Uh-oh.
141
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:12,495
I knew there was
something about this date.
142
00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:16,821
September 1, 1939.
This is the German
invasion of Poland.
143
00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:20,302
It's also the exact
day and year that
Rene Russo was born.
144
00:09:20,326 --> 00:09:21,926
Stewie, we gotta
get out of here fast.
145
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:24,373
Quick, set up
the return pad and let's
get back to our own time.
146
00:09:24,397 --> 00:09:25,596
Right.
147
00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:31,880
What's wrong?
Why are we still here?
I don't know.
148
00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:33,003
Stewie, it's not working.
149
00:09:33,072 --> 00:09:34,617
Yeah, and you know
what's not gonna fix it?
150
00:09:34,641 --> 00:09:35,681
Your shouting.
151
00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:37,719
Oh, God, should we
ask somebody for help?
152
00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:40,189
Yeah, right, how many
Polacks does it take
to fix a time machine?
153
00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:41,312
Let's find out.
154
00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:42,746
Well, we can't stay here.
155
00:09:42,815 --> 00:09:44,515
We'll have to get
Mort to England.
156
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,395
It's the only place
he'll be safe from
the Nazis.
157
00:09:46,419 --> 00:09:48,531
Oh, they're awful, those Nazis.
158
00:09:48,555 --> 00:09:50,999
If they catch me,
they'll beat me
unmerciful
159
00:09:51,023 --> 00:09:54,858
and rub dirt
in my assneck and all
over my assy nipples.
160
00:09:54,927 --> 00:09:56,528
What?
161
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:59,730
Juden! Rubben wir Schmutzen
auf deine Arschneck.
162
00:10:06,906 --> 00:10:08,306
All right,
there's the checkpoint.
163
00:10:08,341 --> 00:10:10,541
If we can get past it,
we're out of occupied Poland.
164
00:10:10,609 --> 00:10:12,087
Right. Mort,
you all set?
165
00:10:12,111 --> 00:10:14,279
Oh, God, I hope this works.
166
00:10:16,049 --> 00:10:18,227
Hello. We'd like
to leave Poland now,
167
00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:19,462
and we'll be bringing our friend
168
00:10:19,486 --> 00:10:21,886
who is absolutely,
100% not Jewish.
169
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:23,999
Hey, how about that Jesus, huh?
170
00:10:24,023 --> 00:10:25,100
What a guy.
171
00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:27,169
Father, we're so
glad you're here.
172
00:10:27,193 --> 00:10:31,529
We need you to
conduct last rites for
our friend over there.
173
00:10:31,598 --> 00:10:34,698
Well, I suppose.
174
00:10:35,235 --> 00:10:37,235
Dear God,
175
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,448
non-Jewish God, be a mensch.
176
00:10:40,940 --> 00:10:44,019
I mean, a good guy,
'cause it says
in the Old Book...
177
00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:48,212
Not so old, though.
You know, still good.
Still good.
178
00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:50,881
Still some things,
good things to say...
179
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:55,719
We, we pray in the name
of you and of your son,
180
00:10:55,788 --> 00:10:57,899
who died in a freak accident
181
00:10:57,923 --> 00:11:00,291
that you can't really
blame on anyone.
182
00:11:01,594 --> 00:11:04,528
Take this man up to
your retail-paying place.
183
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:06,998
Are you sure
you're a real priest?
184
00:11:07,066 --> 00:11:08,944
Yeah, yeah,
I can vouch for
him. He's real.
185
00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:11,101
He's molested me
many, many times.
186
00:11:11,170 --> 00:11:13,905
Sorry I'm late.
I was busy doing
187
00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:16,374
innocent, non-molesty things.
188
00:11:16,443 --> 00:11:20,378
Wait a minute.
Two priests?
That is impossible.
189
00:11:20,446 --> 00:11:22,080
This collar comes right off.
190
00:11:22,148 --> 00:11:23,548
He's a filthy Jew!
191
00:11:23,617 --> 00:11:26,584
Oh, boy. You, you are...
You should be glad
192
00:11:26,653 --> 00:11:29,219
your human resources person
was not around to hear that.
193
00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:30,354
Run!
194
00:11:52,579 --> 00:11:55,046
Hey, buddy,
I need to borrow this.
195
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:25,509
Das poop!
196
00:12:29,149 --> 00:12:31,549
I want to get back
on the motorcycle.
197
00:12:31,584 --> 00:12:33,050
I told you.
It's out of gas.
198
00:12:33,119 --> 00:12:34,830
Why isn't the
time machine working?
199
00:12:34,854 --> 00:12:36,187
I don't know, Mort.
200
00:12:36,255 --> 00:12:39,267
I hate it here.
I hate this whole
goddamn place.
201
00:12:39,291 --> 00:12:41,003
It's all a bunch of shit.
202
00:12:41,027 --> 00:12:43,072
It's all a bunch
of goddamn shit.
203
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:44,595
Okay, take it easy, man.
204
00:12:44,664 --> 00:12:46,097
No, fuck you, Stewie.
205
00:12:46,165 --> 00:12:48,399
I'm a Jew in
Nazi-occupied Europe.
206
00:12:48,467 --> 00:12:50,634
Fuck you.
Fuck the both of you!
207
00:12:50,703 --> 00:12:52,414
I didn't say anything.
Thanks, Brian.
208
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:54,149
This is a bunch of shit.
209
00:12:54,173 --> 00:12:56,719
Okay, you know what, Mort?
Shut up, all right.
Just shut the fuck up!
210
00:12:56,743 --> 00:12:57,953
I don't give a shit about you.
211
00:12:57,977 --> 00:12:59,388
You know, we could
just leave you here.
212
00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:01,523
Yeah, right,
just leave me here.
That's great.
213
00:13:01,547 --> 00:13:02,780
We're in occupied Europe,
214
00:13:02,848 --> 00:13:05,127
and if you haven't
noticed, I'm Jewish.
215
00:13:05,151 --> 00:13:07,396
Oh, I noticed.
Helen Keller
would notice.
216
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:09,820
Eat my ass, Brian.
217
00:13:09,888 --> 00:13:11,199
Don't you mean your assneck?
218
00:13:11,223 --> 00:13:13,143
Shut up.
That's a real thing.
219
00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:55,446
Oh. Nazis.
That's refreshing.
220
00:13:58,371 --> 00:14:00,771
All right, on three,
we'll make for
the closest U-boat.
221
00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:14,051
Ach! Unsere Unterseeboot
sind stehlen mit eine dog
222
00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:15,686
und baby und Art Garfunkel!
223
00:14:20,693 --> 00:14:21,892
Everybody hang on.
224
00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:35,172
We're being pursued
by two objects.
225
00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:36,807
Looks like one's another U-boat.
226
00:14:38,711 --> 00:14:41,778
The other appears to be
Terence Trent D'Arby.
227
00:14:48,955 --> 00:14:50,021
Fire!
228
00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:55,027
H.
229
00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:56,471
What?
Hold on to something.
230
00:14:56,495 --> 00:14:58,173
Why isn't the
time machine working?
231
00:14:58,197 --> 00:14:59,629
I swear to God, Mort,
232
00:14:59,698 --> 00:15:02,778
I will stuff you
in the torpedo tube and
crush you against the sea.
233
00:15:13,412 --> 00:15:16,359
Brian, I've got an idea.
It's a long shot,
but it just might work.
234
00:15:16,383 --> 00:15:17,827
See that newspaper?
Yeah.
235
00:15:17,851 --> 00:15:20,091
Stuff it in the waste tube.
236
00:15:43,209 --> 00:15:45,843
Can you hand me
the radio? Thanks.
237
00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:47,812
Hi, this is car...
238
00:15:47,881 --> 00:15:48,991
What number are we?
239
00:15:49,015 --> 00:15:50,282
Five-five.
240
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:51,750
Car 55.
241
00:15:52,952 --> 00:15:54,552
We're in a sub.
242
00:16:00,059 --> 00:16:01,671
Oh, my God!
It's England!
243
00:16:01,695 --> 00:16:03,728
We've reached England!
We're saved!
244
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:05,875
Really? Are you sure
it's England?
245
00:16:05,899 --> 00:16:08,433
Yes, I can see
the white cliffs of Dover.
246
00:16:08,502 --> 00:16:11,102
Boy, they weren't kidding.
Those things are white.
247
00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:13,749
So, we're gonna take
the whole family
on vacation this summer.
248
00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:16,274
Load up the Country Squire
and head up to New Hampshire.
249
00:16:16,343 --> 00:16:18,343
By the way, thanks
for the recommendation.
250
00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:19,544
Great cheese shop.
251
00:16:19,613 --> 00:16:20,789
Yeah. You know,
our youngest
252
00:16:20,813 --> 00:16:22,758
has been accepted to
Northfield Mount Hermon.
253
00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:25,350
Oh, gosh, is Lauren
in high school already?
254
00:16:25,418 --> 00:16:27,396
Yeah. You know,
a funny thing
happened to me
255
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:28,831
on the way to middle age.
256
00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:30,255
My kids grew up.
257
00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:33,991
Say, you know,
when you take
that vacation,
258
00:16:34,060 --> 00:16:35,826
don't forget
traveler's insurance.
259
00:16:35,895 --> 00:16:38,262
A lot of people do,
and a lot of people
are sorry.
260
00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:45,403
London in wartime.
This is history
right here, Brian.
261
00:16:45,471 --> 00:16:47,538
And look, there's
Winston Churchill!
262
00:16:47,607 --> 00:16:50,575
Maybe we'll get
an up-close look
at his legendary wit.
263
00:16:50,644 --> 00:16:54,145
Oh, Winston, drunk again, I see.
264
00:16:54,213 --> 00:16:55,613
Yeah, well, you're a cunt.
265
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,882
Wickedly funny.
266
00:16:59,252 --> 00:17:02,386
S just whittled
it down to the gems.
267
00:17:05,092 --> 00:17:06,591
Why isn't the
time machine working?
268
00:17:06,660 --> 00:17:08,871
I'm working on it,
Mort, all right?
269
00:17:08,895 --> 00:17:10,929
Oh. Here's the problem.
270
00:17:10,998 --> 00:17:12,163
What? What is it?
271
00:17:12,231 --> 00:17:14,210
The transfer circuits
are powered by uranium,
272
00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:15,778
and this thing is tapped out.
273
00:17:15,802 --> 00:17:17,680
Wait a minute.
Are you saying we need
to find some uranium?
274
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:19,103
I'm afraid so.
275
00:17:19,172 --> 00:17:21,784
But where do we find
uranium in World War II
Europe?
276
00:17:21,808 --> 00:17:23,374
There's only one place.
277
00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:27,278
At the top-secret
atomic research
facility in Berlin.
278
00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:30,448
Wait a minute.
Germany's building weapons
of mass destruction?
279
00:17:30,517 --> 00:17:33,028
Well, why doesn't
America go in there
and kick their asses?
280
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:36,221
I don't know.
Maybe because they
don't have any oil.
281
00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:37,622
Oh.
282
00:17:37,690 --> 00:17:40,325
Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap.
283
00:17:45,299 --> 00:17:47,231
I don't know!
I don't want to do this!
284
00:17:47,301 --> 00:17:50,413
Mort, Berlin is the
closest place we're gonna
find uranium in this time.
285
00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:51,880
It's the only way to get home.
286
00:17:51,904 --> 00:17:54,005
Men, as officers of
the Royal Air Force,
287
00:17:54,074 --> 00:17:55,640
you're the very best
in the world.
288
00:17:55,709 --> 00:17:58,577
However, this mission
to Germany will not be
an easy one.
289
00:17:58,645 --> 00:18:01,279
Four-and-a-half
of every five of you
will not return.
290
00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:04,282
Half of Jensen there
can tell you,
it gets pretty sticky.
291
00:18:04,351 --> 00:18:07,185
But I never lost me
good spirits, I haven't!
292
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,020
So, let's get up there, be safe
293
00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:12,990
and get back to the big,
fat pigs of wives
we have waiting at home.
294
00:18:13,059 --> 00:18:14,726
Pardon me, sir.
I'd like to join.
295
00:18:14,794 --> 00:18:16,038
What are your qualifications?
296
00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:18,195
I have a British accent,
I'm possibly homosexual,
297
00:18:18,265 --> 00:18:20,898
I never brush my teeth
and my wife is ghastly.
298
00:18:20,967 --> 00:18:22,367
Bombs away!
299
00:18:29,742 --> 00:18:31,754
Talk to me, Goose.
Please don't call me that.
300
00:18:31,778 --> 00:18:35,112
You're my eyes, Goose.
Keep an eye out
for those Krauts.
301
00:18:35,182 --> 00:18:37,081
Uh-oh!
Germans dead ahead!
302
00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:36,007
Oh, no, it's another
wave of fighters!
We're outnumbered!
303
00:19:36,076 --> 00:19:38,376
Oh, no, we're not!
304
00:19:38,445 --> 00:19:42,780
Stand by, my Hawkmen!
Dive!
305
00:20:12,578 --> 00:20:15,679
Oh, my God and baby Jesus,
we're going down!
306
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:18,816
Quick, get the parachutes!
307
00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:20,930
There are no parachutes!
All I could find was this!
308
00:20:20,954 --> 00:20:22,220
A raft?
309
00:20:22,288 --> 00:20:26,624
We're not sinking.
We're crashing!
310
00:20:55,821 --> 00:20:56,898
Where are we?
311
00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,255
I think we're in Germany.
312
00:20:58,324 --> 00:21:00,135
Look, there's the Black Forest.
313
00:21:00,159 --> 00:21:02,493
We gonna take
the whole family
on vacation this summer.
314
00:21:02,561 --> 00:21:05,895
The 10 of us gonna
load up the Impala and
head on down to Hotlanta.
315
00:21:05,964 --> 00:21:07,364
Hey, I heard that.
316
00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:09,211
Hey, thanks
for the tip on that
check-cashing place.
317
00:21:09,235 --> 00:21:10,878
I was in and out with one ID.
318
00:21:10,902 --> 00:21:12,747
You know my boy
is out on bail
next week, right?
319
00:21:12,771 --> 00:21:15,383
Man, it seems
like yesterday
he was in juvie.
320
00:21:15,407 --> 00:21:17,641
Hey, say, man,
when you on your trip,
321
00:21:17,709 --> 00:21:19,621
skip that traveler's insurance.
322
00:21:19,645 --> 00:21:20,845
That's a ripoff.
323
00:21:24,283 --> 00:21:26,550
There it is, Berlin.
324
00:21:27,853 --> 00:21:31,187
So, this is Berlin, huh?
Doesn't seem so bad.
325
00:21:31,257 --> 00:21:33,457
Dear God, this place
is nightmarish.
326
00:21:43,402 --> 00:21:45,169
It's here.
The uranium lab is in here.
327
00:21:47,272 --> 00:21:48,204
U get
that thing?
Up your ass.
328
00:21:48,273 --> 00:21:50,193
What?
What?
329
00:21:51,409 --> 00:21:54,778
Hey, fellows.
You want to get
a free caricature?
330
00:21:54,847 --> 00:21:57,314
Ja!
I want to be a skateboarder!
331
00:22:05,625 --> 00:22:07,692
That's weird.
332
00:22:07,760 --> 00:22:09,960
All right, come on.
Let's get inside that lab.
333
00:22:20,072 --> 00:22:21,149
Hey, guys!
334
00:22:21,173 --> 00:22:22,839
Hitler!
Hitler!
335
00:22:22,908 --> 00:22:24,475
How's it going, Mr. Hitler?
336
00:22:24,544 --> 00:22:27,244
It's a dog-eat-dog Reich,
and I'm wearing bacon pants.
337
00:22:28,881 --> 00:22:30,681
So, how's the
atomic bomb coming?
338
00:22:30,750 --> 00:22:33,183
It's coming, it's coming.
There are some problems.
339
00:22:33,252 --> 00:22:34,863
We're having much better luck
340
00:22:34,887 --> 00:22:38,689
developing this
impressive collection
of 100 Luftballons.
341
00:22:38,758 --> 00:22:39,990
Oh, damn.
342
00:22:40,059 --> 00:22:42,259
Well, I guess we'll just
let you get back to work.
343
00:22:42,328 --> 00:22:43,927
Oh, I almost forgot.
344
00:22:43,996 --> 00:22:46,341
I don't suppose
you boys have some
uranium I could borrow?
345
00:22:46,365 --> 00:22:50,100
Oh, of course.
Give him some uranium,
Mean Joe Greene.
346
00:22:50,169 --> 00:22:52,503
Hey, kid, catch.
347
00:22:52,571 --> 00:22:54,171
Thanks, Mean Joe!
348
00:22:54,239 --> 00:22:55,350
He's not really mean at all.
349
00:22:55,374 --> 00:22:56,574
No, he's a nice guy.
350
00:23:00,412 --> 00:23:02,379
Okay, the time machine
is refueled.
351
00:23:02,448 --> 00:23:05,749
Let's find
a safe spot and make
the trip back home.
352
00:23:39,785 --> 00:23:42,086
Arrest him!
Arrest all three!
353
00:23:42,154 --> 00:23:44,755
These filths are making
a mockery of our Reich.
354
00:23:44,824 --> 00:23:46,024
Execute them.
355
00:23:47,726 --> 00:23:48,926
Unless...
356
00:23:48,995 --> 00:23:50,027
Unless what?
357
00:23:50,095 --> 00:23:52,329
Unless they can sing
a charming musical number.
358
00:23:55,835 --> 00:23:57,367
♪ Wherever... ♪
359
00:23:57,436 --> 00:24:01,004
Damn it, will you two
just get in the fucking
time machine?
360
00:24:05,478 --> 00:24:07,978
We did it! We're home!
Everything's fine!
361
00:24:08,047 --> 00:24:10,782
Well, not quite.
What do you mean?
362
00:24:10,850 --> 00:24:13,428
Aren't you a little
nervous that Mort knows
all about this stuff?
363
00:24:13,452 --> 00:24:15,530
Oh, I'm one step
ahead of you, Brian.
364
00:24:15,554 --> 00:24:19,190
You see, we've arrived
30 seconds before Mort
came up to use the bathroom.
365
00:24:19,259 --> 00:24:22,179
Only this time,
things are gonna play out
a bit differently.
366
00:24:26,165 --> 00:24:27,309
Can I poop in here?
367
00:24:27,333 --> 00:24:28,366
No!
No!
368
00:24:28,434 --> 00:24:29,634
Too late.
28229
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