Original subtitles

- Jerk, you messed up my hair!

- What's your problem?

- I'm worried about Jenny.

- Look, Don, it's just part

of a normal girl's life and sexual development.

- I don't understand.

I don't think this is normal.

- Why?

- Well, Jenny, let's say, is a bit

over-stimulative responsive.

- Come on, Don.

Let's go swimming.

- Nah, water's too cold.

- I think maybe I'll go.

- You know, sometimes you can be a real wuss.

- I just don't feel like going in. Okay, Jenny?

- Don.

- What?

- I have to go to the bathroom.

- Go ahead.

- Won't you walk with me?

- Don, I'd be happy to escort Jenny back down--

- All right, let's go.

Here?

- No, silly.

Somebody can see.

Come on.

- Here?

- Yeah.

Here.

- Here?

No.

There.

- Don, where are you going?

Don?

Don?

Don?

I'm really getting tired of this.

You're really starting to bug me!

Don, why do you do this every time?

Don?

God.

Farm boys are really strange.

Ouch!

I'm getting these things all over my legs.

- Well then,

Don't stand on them anymore.

- Okay, folks, there he is.

Thinking.

Lining up.

Oh! - Goddamn grass!

- He ought to play the grass.

He hits it further.

- Really.

Here goes the next guy.

Ugh.

- Hope you brought your calamine lotion, Jeff.

- It's gonna be a long day.

- Nice putt, Kelly.

Well, that makes you two under par again.

By the way,

what is par in this hole?

- Four, sir.

- So, what does that make me?

- Good, sir, 99 exactly.

- Really?

This is the first time I've been in double digits,

since I bought this damn golf course.

Thanks for the lesson.

- Maybe tomorrow we can play the whole 18.

In fact, I think you're almost ready to play

in this weekend's invitational, sir.

- No, I leave all the playing to my wife.

I'm much better at organizational details.

- Speaking of the invitational...

- Yes? - I've got some

great ideas about running the tournament.

- You know, I'm glad you brought that up.

I been meaning to speak to you about this for some time.

What do you say we go back to my office?

- Well, I don't know.

I think I like your shaft better.

- Well, this does have a graphite shaft,

and, in my opinion,

it will give you a better stroke.

- I bet it will.

- Yes.

- A lot more people come looking to be taught,

so when the tournament starts,

I think, we should have everybody--

- Yes, I think you're right, Kelly,

and we'll discuss this in a little bit.

- Norman.

How was your game?

- Great, just great.

You're going out to play a few holes, Beatrice?

- Yes, I thought I'd brush up for this Saturday.

- Good, good.

Kelly, why don't you go back to my office,

and, I'll see you in a minute.

- Mr. Osgood, the police just phoned.

They're looking for some young couple

that was reported missing this morning.

Supposedly, they were at a party out by the lake.

- This is private property. - Excuse me.

- Goddamn it, I've told the cops

to keep these kids out of here.

It's always the kids of non-members that...

Roy!

Roy, welcome to Tall Grass.

It's great to see you.

- Thank you.

- Roy, this is my wife, Beatrice.

This here is Roy.

- Kent.

Roy Kent.

I've always been an extremely big fan of yours.

- Pleasure, ma'am.

- I assure you, the pleasure's mine.

- And this here is Kelly Lange, your assistant pro.

Sorry, Kelly, I didn't get a chance to tell you earlier.

Roy's our new pro here at the club.

- Mr. Osgood, it's the groundskeeper.

There's a problem. - Yes, all right, sure.

Roy, why don't you come along with me?

We'll settle this problem,

and then Kelly here can show you around.

- Mr. Osgood, it's hole eight.

He said it was urgent.

- Well, Mr. Osgood, we always,

Harry and I, start with the greens,

then the fairways and save the sand traps for last.

Harry usually does the back nine,

I do the front nine,

but sometimes like today, I was---

- Lyle. - Sorry, sir.

Anyway, I finished up early,

and I was going over to help Harry.

Anyway.

Sir.

It's terrible.

Just awful.

I can't.

- Kelly, I...

- You're the new head pro.

What are you going to do?

- Go have a drink.

- Joe, how are you?

- Hey, Norm, how you doing?

- All right.

Roy, there you are.

Roy, I'd like you meet our police chief, Charlie Kimmel.

Charlie Kimmel, this here is Roy Kent,

our new golf pro here at the club.

Hey, Roy,

maybe you can help Charlie with his slice.

- So what happens now?

- About what?

- About the two kids.

- Oh, that.

Well, Charlie here has everything

under control, right, Charlie?

- Obviously, this was the work of a sick mind.

These types aren't difficult to find.

You can't be dragging torn bodies

around the countryside and not be seen.

- So, what's the plan?

- This matter is out of our hands.

What we can do is keep this matter quiet.

What we need to do is worry

about our tournament this weekend.

We're talking TV, Roy.

Kelly.

Kelly, why don't you come over here

and have a drink with Roy here.

Circumstances weren't exactly right for your first meeting.

We'll see you guys later.

- I see your game's the same.

You really used to be something.

You had the best darn game I ever saw.

I thought you were in the Grapefruit Circuit in Florida?

- Well, things change.

- Look, I'm gonna lay it out straight.

Osgood promised me your job.

I was looking forward to being the youngest head pro

this club ever had.

I've earned it.

- Yeah?

Well, things change.

Look, I'll be straight with you.

I don't know what Osgood promised you.

But I'm the new pro.

I've had a tough day,

and I've got a headache.

Join me for drink?

- No, thank you.

I have to go to work.

- Goddamn it!

This rough is never short enough!

Remember, Squire, you play the ball where it lays!

Caddy?

Caddy, where's my ball?

- I remember when you used to make every one of those.

Simpkins.

Malcolm Simpkins.

I can't tell you how much of a pleasure it is

to have you here at our club, Roy.

- Why, thank you, Mr. Simpkins.

- Mal.

Please call me Mal.

You know, I remember you at the Atlanta Open in '72.

I'll never forget that eagle you made on the 13th!

Brought you up from the rear.

Let you take the lead and the championship.

- Thank you.

- Well, I must be going if I want to get

my nine holes in before dark.

- Starting a little late, aren't you?

- Oh, no, no.

This is the best time to play.

The air is cool.

The links are free,

and I don't have to worry about

people playing through all the time.

It's been a real pleasure, Roy.

I hope I see you again soon.

- I hope so too, Mister...

Mal.

- Come along, Caddy.

Boy, I'm feeling good today.

We may even par a few holes you know that.

Cursed pine!

Dipped my shoulder too much on that one, Caddy.

Well, that was a little better.

Don't you think, Caddy?

Oh, well.

Gonna need some help with that one, Caddy.

Come along now, Caddy, let's go.

Here now, Caddy.

I'll have none of that for a ball in the brush.

Come along.

Suit yourself, you ornery little devil.

Silly little dog.

Never likes to go after a golf ball in the bushes.

Can't understand.

Forty-three years I've been playing,

and I still can't stop splicing the ball,

or hooking the ball.

Now I can't even find the ball.

I'll bet that Roy Kent never had day like...

Who the heck is...

- Hello, Roy.

- Hello.

- I do hope you have ice.

- Won't you come in?

- Boris at the club has already

discovered your favorite drink.

I took it upon myself

to be your personal welcome wagon.

It's good to have a man like you with us now.

We haven't had a good man around here in some time.

- Why, thank you, Mrs. Osgood.

- Oh, please, Bea.

All my good friends call me Bea.

- Cheers, Bea.

- To us.

So, what do you think of Tall Grass?

- You've some hellacious sand traps.

- Obviously, the work of a sick mind.

What do you think of your staff?

- Fine.

I think Kelly and I will be able

to work well together in time.

- Yes, Kelly.

Kelly's been with us a long time.

The only girl caddy we ever had.

She even caddied for me for a while,

until she became too sure of herself.

What I mean, Roy, is that

Kelly is the ambitious type.

I'd hate to see...

Well, just try to keep things

on a professional level with her,

if you know what I mean?

After all,

I'd hate to see you back down

on that terrible Grapefruit Circuit,

especially after I had Norm

bring you all the way up here.

- Kelly.

- I hope I didn't disturb you.

- Uh, no.

No, not at all.

- I think we got off to a bad start this morning.

I guess I assumed too much.

I realize you had nothing to do with Mr. Osgood's decision.

- Thank you.

I'm really looking forward to working with you.

- Here, I thought you might like this.

- I'd invite you in,

but the place is really a mess.

- No, no, that's okay, it's late.

Is everything all right in there?

- Oh, yeah.

Sure, sure.

- Oh, Kelly!

How nice to see you.

- Mrs. Osgood.

- A plant.

How sweet.

- I think your ice is melting.

- The ice is melting.

- Stop, stop!

Whoa, stop!

- Way to go, Squire.

Good luck on that one.

- Now, you watch him, Glenn.

I don't trust him in the trap.

Jeff?

Jeff, where's my ball?

I couldn't have hit it this far.

You'd need a Howitzer to get through this ground.

What?

Wait a minute, Squire.

Glenn, did you watch him?

You'd better not be cheating again.

- Nice form.

- Remember golfers,

there is still time to sign up

for this weekend's golf tournament.

Applications will be accepted at the pro shop.

Remedial putting is now meeting

at the practicing green.

All those who signed up,

please report at this time.

- Morning, Kelly.

Do I have the practice session this morning, or do?

- Didn't you get enough strokes in last night?

- Listen, Kelly, about last night--

- Hey!

What you do with the owner's wife

on your time is your business.

It's not my concern.

You're the boss.

- I wanna thank you for the plant.

I was hoping I could treat you to dinner tonight.

- No, Roy, I don't think so.

Let's keep it on a professional level.

- Oh.

Okay.

- Besides, there's a problem on eight

you should take care of.

- What hole was that?

- Eight.

- Oh.

Okay.

- Attention, golfers.

This morning's session of "You and Your Cart"

has been canceled due to lack of interest.

- No, stop!

Reverse.

- What's the problem?

- I ain't moving until that animal gets out of here.

- Goon.

Shoo!

Shoo!

Scat!

Come on, you!

Git!

No, Mr. Kent, no.

He's vicious.

- Has anyone seen Mr. Simpkins?

Hey, boy.

Where's Malcolm?

- Oh, no, not again!

What are we gonna do?

- I don't know.

- All right, everybody.

All right, quiet down.

Charlie Kimmel has the floor.

- Thank you, Norm.

Now, we all knew and loved Malcolm Simpkins.

God knows I hated to see the little guy go, too,

particularly in such a gory, ghastly, and gruesome death.

But, it's not gonna do us any good

to lose our heads over this thing, either.

I have a full scale investigation

of these murders underway,

and all necessary precautions are being taken.

- You know, I've been seeing that Deke Slade

around here again.

- Really, Deke Slade?

I thought they fired him from Tall Grass?

- Does that include postponing the tournament?

- Absolutely not.

These two isolated incidents

are nothing to get panicked over.

- I agree, we have the charities to think of.

- Absolutely.

Thank you, Kelly.

The Pro-Am Invitationals is this club's

biggest event of the year,

and we can't let anything spoil it.

This could do us all a lot of good, Roy.

By God, we're talking about televised exposure.

I'll see you.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Are you the ambulance attendant?

- A little late for that, isn't it?

I'm the morgue attendant.

- Look, if you don't mind me asking,

do you have any idea what could've caused this?

- Mister, I've seen all kinds of things on this job.

I've seen mutilations, amputations, and decapitations.

Once, I even had to go pick up a guy

whose wife took a Home Light 360 to his lower groin area.

Do you know the damage a chainsaw can do to the human body?

But I ain't never seen anything like this before.

Well, there was that kid's arm that got caught

in a tree shredder last summer.

They said it looked kind of something like this,

but I wouldn't know for sure.

I missed that one.

He didn't die.

But what I really can't figure out is this.

- Do you mind if I keep this?

- Sure, I don't see why not.

- Thanks.

Maybe I'll see you around sometime.

- Maybe.

- Isn't blood, is it?

- No, it's oil.

- Crank is 30 weight.

- How do you know that?

- It's heavy.

Uses a heavier grade this time of year.

- You're not a member here, are you?

Well, do you work here?

- Not for a long time.

- If you don't mind me asking, just who--

- Listen.

Wait here.

- Shut it off! Shut it off!

Did you hear that?

- What? What are you talking about?

- Did you see anyone, anything?

- Like what?

- Nevermind, let's go.

- What's going on?

- Hmm?

Nothing.

I know things have been really morbid around here, lately.

But Roy, the tournament is more than just a game.

It's the biggest charity event of the season,

and we haven't even begun to work on it.

Now, I think the first thing we need to do

is rate the amateurs according to talent

and place them with their pro partners, right?

- What do you know about Deke Slade?

- You haven't heard a word I've said.

- Did he used to work here?

- Yeah, he and his father.

I think he was fired years ago.

- Fired? Why?

- I don't know.

I was a caddy back then.

You know, Roy, you're really starting to bug me.

We're supposed to be planning this event.

I'm worried if we can pull it off.

- And I'm worried about the safety of the golfers.

I just think we should keep our eyes open.

- I'm glad you're concerned about something.

- Set your feet.

- Roy, I need your help.

- Concentrate.

Go on, keep a firm grip.

Swing.

- Hi, Mr. Kent.

You want some berries?

- Okay, is everybody here who signed up?

- Everyone but Mr. Simpkins.

- Oh, yes, of course.

Shall we have a moment of silence?

- Hell, no. Start the lesson.

- Oh, okay.

Today's lesson is with the woods.

The important thing with the woods

is the full follow through.

Let me demonstrate.

Always keep your head still,

and watch the club go through the ball.

- Nice shot.

- The important detail is to keep

the arms straight on the release.

Full follow through.

Head still.

Concentration.

Let me show you.

The important detail is to keep--

- Hey, Roy, why don't you show us something?

- No, Miss Lange has your lesson.

- Even a good player can develop bad habits,

and once formed, bad habits are hard to break.

Let me show you.

If a player dips his shoulder

too much on a strong swing, like so,

you always hook it.

Same goes for bent arms on the release.

Always, always keep your head still

and watch the club

Go through the ball.

The important detail is to keep the arms straight

and concentration.

Every golfer develops hitches in their swing.

It's part of the game.

When this does happen,

always revert back to the basics.

Full follow through, head still,

and most of all, concentration.

- Excuse me, what do you do

if you keep knocking the ball off the tee?

- Yeah, can you fix that?

Yeah, how can we take care of that?

- What exactly do you mean?

- You know, you put your ball on the tee.

You line up the shot.

Next thing you know, you look down,

you got nothing but tee.

- What is this, the goddamn "Texas Chain Saw Massacre"?

- Obviously, the situation's a little more complicated

than I was originally led to believe.

But, that doesn't mean we still

don't have the situation well in hand.

Charlie?

- From this latest ugly butchering,

we now know what we're up against.

We're dealing with a maniac

using some kind of a power tool

to grind his prey to death.

- What about Deke Slade?

He knows about machines.

He's been hanging around the course again.

- All leads are being followed up.

Now, what I need are some volunteers.

People who can take orders

and maintain a cool head at the same time,

whom I can deputize now

to begin a course-wide maniac hunt.

- So that means we will be closing the golf course?

- No, absolutely not.

- No?

- What I meant to say was that with a swift

and successful completion of the maniac hunt,

it will be business as usual

here at Tall Grass Country Club.

Right, Chief Kimmel?

- Right, Norm.

- Good.

So, let's call an end to this meeting.

I thought you two were team players.

- I'm really sorry I didn't listen to you earlier.

- It's okay, Kelly.

Some of this is really hard to believe.

- Do you really think the maniac hunt will work?

- It's gonna be a zoo out there.

Oh, my god.

- Isn't it just great?

- You can't be serious.

You can't let these nuts go out there.

They're gonna kill someone.

- Are you kidding?

This is the kind of spirit we've been lacking around here.

These guys are team players,

and they're going to get rid of our problem.

- That maniac's mine.

- No, he's mine.

- All right, men.

Raise your right hands and repeat after me.

I...

- I

- Your name. - Your name.

- Do solemnly swear to uphold the law to the fullest extent.

- Do solemnly swear to uphold the law to the fullest extent.

- Men, I don't think I've ever been so proud.

- What the hell are you doing?

- I'm gonna burn that mother out.

- You can't do that, there are people out there.

- Roy!

- Get him off the cart!

- Working on it. - Lyle.

- Did you load it? - Yeah, yeah.

- Roy!

- Lyle, take it easy.

- What are you doing? I had him in my sights.

This is my course, Mr. Kent.

Look at my course.

- Boris, give me another.

- Once formed, bad habits are hard to break.

- You can see how mine's forming.

How did your bad habits start?

- I guess I woke up one morning

and realized my whole life was

dropping little, white balls into little, green holes.

I just wasn't prepared to start missing.

- And that's when you started drinking?

- Hell, no.

I was always drinking.

I just got better at it than I did at my iron game,

and I've been over par ever since.

- It's all been pretty incredible, huh?

- Yeah.

- They will find him, won't they?

- Mr. Kent!

Mr. Kent, they found him.

Leland and his group caught him on the 17th hole.

- Deke.

- Where'd you find him?

- Well, we were just coming off the fairway,

and we were heading for the 18th

when I thought we should check the heavy brush,

and that's where we found him with that.

- God, that's the mower.

- We found him hunched over it!

He was probably trying to start it to use it to kill us!

- You people are idiots.

Do you really think it's me?

- Yeah, yeah. - Damn right.

- You think that mower could do the damage that's been done?

Its cut release is 1/3 of the size

of the one that's still out there.

- Get him out of here and read him his rights.

- You people are making a big mistake.

- I'd just like to express my heartfelt gratitude

to all those brave members who risked their own lives

to put an end to this terrible menace.

- With this awful ordeal over with and behind us,

it's back to golf as usual here at Tall Grass Country Club.

I'd just like to remind everyone about our...

- We'll be taking him down to interrogation.

You may want to come by and hear what he says.

- Tee off time will be at 9:00 a.m.

- Roy, isn't it great? They've got him!

- Roy Kent?

My husband looked up to you.

He was so happy when he discovered

you were the new pro here.

He said you'd fix his slice,

and you let him go out there.

What's to become of me?

And what's to become of Caddy?

I just wanted you to know.

- Roy, I...

- This is not getting us anywhere.

- Ah, this is great stuff.

Take a look at this.

- Now, let me get this straight, one more time.

You didn't kill those people?

- That's right.

- You're saying someone else killed those people?

- No.

- Oh, that's right, you're saying

that no one is killing those people.

That a mower is doing it all on its lonesome, right?

That's what I said.

- This guy's totally whacked out!

Wait 'til a jury eats that crap up.

- Now, Mr. Slade,

don't you think that a renegade lawnmower

is just a little ridiculous?

- I don't know.

I seen machines do some pretty strange things.

Man builds them, repairs them, maintains them,

depends on them, but they ain't perfect.

Now, we've all had a machine do something

it wasn't supposed to do.

An electric razor with a safety guard on it

still cuts you and draws blood.

A big jet plane passes inspection fine,

but its engines drop off just as its climbing into the sky.

It happens all the time, in big ways and small.

It ain't so surprising.

- My god.

- Poor bastard.

- Are you getting all of that, Hinkle?

- You bet, a loon.

Totally certifiable.

- And so, what were you doing out there, exactly?

- Tracking it.

- Tracking it?

- That's right.

I'm the only one that can stop it.

- I've heard enough of that crap.

I've got enough on him

to make him do the high wattage jig.

- Incredible.

Well, I'm glad that's over with.

Now, we can all get back down to business.

- I always knew we'd get him.

I know how these sickos work.

- That's really sad about Deke.

They say he hasn't been right since his father died.

Anyway, I'm glad it's over.

Now we can concentrate on the tournament.

It is tomorrow, you know.

If we stack our starting times at 15 minute intervals,

it should all work smoothly.

You've played with some of these pros before.

You tell me how they like to set it up.

- Sure.

- Roy, you're not listening to me again.

Roy?

Roy.

It's over, Roy.

They caught him.

- I'm not so sure they did.

- Roy, how many maniacs do you think are out there

running around killing people with lawnmowers?

- It just doesn't make sense.

The tracks in the wheat field are three times the width

of that mower brought in today.

- Roy, you can't tell me you believe what he was saying?

- Why not?

- That's crazy!

- Maybe I'm wrong.

But would you wanna send people out there tomorrow

without being absolutely sure?

- No.

But how can we be sure?

- There's one way.

- I don't know why we're sneaking around.

We could've gotten Lyle to let us in.

- I just wanna keep this between you and me.

- What exactly are we doing here?

- If I'm right,

the only thing that'll be in that bag is grass.

- And if you're wrong?

- Then we'll have nothing to worry about, will we?

- Be careful.

- Maybe you shouldn't look.

- What's this mean, Roy?

- It means it's still out there.

- But how can that be?

- Kelly, I don't know, I don't understand myself.

But we just can't be sure it's over.

You'll have to cancel the tournament.

- Oh, my god.

- Kelly, it's only a game.

- No.

It's the Bonners.

If what you're saying's right, they're in danger.

- What are you talking about?

They were the only ones to go out after Mr. Osgood

reopened the course this afternoon.

- You saw them go out?

- Yes, I said hi to them.

- Did you see them come in?

- No.

They left pretty late.

They always play the back nine.

Mr. Bonner loves to practice the 17th hole.

- Keep your eyes open.

- For what?

- The Bonner party.

- Oh, my god!

Be careful.

- Stay here.

- No problem.

Roy?

- Shh, listen.

- Oh, my god.

- Explain that, Norm.

- Listen, knowing Dan and Connie,

they played dead drunk last night,

walked home through the woods,

and are right this minute sleeping off

a tremendous hangover.

- They weren't drunk when I saw them last night.

- Listen, you two, I'm getting tired

of your constant paranoia.

This matter's settled.

He's in jail,

and his accomplice is hanging in the garage.

- That's not the right one.

- It's the right one as far as I'm concerned,

and as far as everyone else is concerned as well.

I can't believe you two took that raving lunatic seriously.

What do you think this is, killer lawnmower week?

- So you're not canceling the tournament?

- Canceling?

Hell no.

Is that all you two can think of is closing me down?

- Then at least give us spotters.

- What?

- Spotters, you know, people on the sidelines--

- And scare everybody with--

- Please, Norm!

- All right.

All right, I'll give you your spotters.

But if I hear one incidence of trouble

because of them or you two,

it's going to be your asses.

And another thing: when this tournament is over,

I want to have a serious heart-to-heart talk

with the two of you about your working relationship

here at Tall Grass.

And now, in about two hours,

we're going to have the finest tournament

this golf course has ever seen.

My god, we're talking TV, Roy!

- Attention, golfers.

If you are playing in today's tournament

and have not signed in,

please do so at this time.

The registration office is located

in the clubhouse above the pro shop

and will be closing in 20 minutes.

- Where are you going? - My tie on straight?

- Camera one, where are you going?

- Are we ready? - Onsite, onsite!

We're live! We're onsite.

- Action.

- Good Morning, everyone.

This is Sonny P. Fagan for Suburban Vision Sports

here at the 13th Tall Grass

Pro-Am Invitational Golf Tournament.

Some of the bigger names in golf are here

to participate in this annual charity event,

and we're proud to be presenting

all of the local coverage of today's golfing action live.

At this moment,

the first group is preparing to tee off the first hole.

Let us take you there now.

- Attention golfers,

will group number two,

Players Kelly Lange, James T. Mann,

Reginald C. Putnam, and Squire Evans,

Please report to the tee off area.

- Testing.

Testing, one, two, three.

- That's loud and clear, good buddy, you copy?

- Uh, yeah.

Now, listen.

You'll be starting out with the first group.

Keep your eye on the spotters.

There should be one for every hole.

- Okay.

Who are they?

- Well, they're the best I could do.

It's the caddy pool.

- It'll be fine.

Don't worry.

How are you?

- I could use a drink.

- Yeah, me too.

- But I'm gonna try it on my own today.

Good luck on your game.

- Right.

- You, too.

- Thanks.

- The second group has just teed off,

and Kelly Lange, the assistant pro of Tall Grass,

has the best lie on the fairway.

Local player Squire Evans, however,

begins with the worst position,

having sliced the ball badly

and landed in the rough.

- Way to go, Squire.

You're out of it already.

- Jeff?

Come in Jeff.

Jeff?

Come in, Jeff.

- Roger, Mr. Kent.

Receive you loud and clear.

- Good, Jeff.

You might wanna check your volume control.

How are things there?

- Uh, fine, sir.

Group number one is just finishing up now.

Everything is under control, here.

- Good.

Keep your eyes open.

- Yes, sir.

- Our reports show Kelly Lange in an early lead

with her amateur partner.

But, some of the heavy hitters

still remain to tee off.

- Will Harold McDougal, George White, Roy Kent,

and Bea Osgood please report

to the tee off area at this time.

- Hello, there, stranger.

Haven't seen you around for a while.

- Hello, Beatrice.

- I'm looking forward to today's competition.

They say to the victor goes the spoils.

I'm looking forward to this win.

- Hey.

Turn it up.

- The crowd hushes,

with Kelly now preparing for tee-off.

She swings.

Too bad it's headed into the woods.

- Tough lay, huh?

- What?

- She had a tough shot.

That hole has a mean break to the left.

- Oh.

- But all is well now.

Kelly put in a lot of work.

- That's my course.

- Oh.

- Come in, Red Berty.

- Berty here.

- How's everything in your section?

- All quiet, sir, no sightings reported.

- Good.

What's your status?

- Last civilian finishing up at three

with a nice four foot putt, giving him par four.

- Listen up, you grunts.

We're pushing onto 18,

then we rendezvous at the scoreboard

for recon position in 0020 hours.

- We move down to 18

to watch the first wave of golfers complete the round.

We're happy to have with us

Norman Osgood, Tall Grass's owner,

and chief of police, Charlie Kimmel.

Gentlemen, there seemed to be some doubt

whether this tournament would even be held today.

- There was never any doubt, Sonny,

not with the concentrated effort of our police force,

spearheaded by Charlie, here.

- Thanks, Norm.

I'm delighted to report that we put an end

to these tragic, bizarre, and senseless attacks

upon our members.

- Thank you very much, gentlemen.

Your comments were most enlightening.

And now we take you to 17,

where the first group is waiting

for Squire Evans to finish up.

Squire finds himself

positioned in the woods off the 17th hole.

In fact, Squire has been in the worst lies all day long.

It takes great skill and concentration

for a golfer to consistently

overcome difficult lies one after another.

Our cameras are unable to track Squire

to study his technique.

Squire Evans hits a miracle shot out onto the fairway.

It seems the ball wasn't as deep

in the woods as first believed.

- Bullshit!

- Kelly, is anything wrong?

- No, I just wanted you to know

we're almost finished up here at 18.

What next?

- Just stay there until I play through.

- Okay, how's your game?

- 30-50.

Bea is not exactly my idea of the ideal partner.

- Well, I've got my hands full with Squire.

It's very quiet today, Roy.

Maybe they've got the killer after all.

- Maybe.

Good luck finishing up.

- You, too.

- What's the matter, you two can't get enough of each other?

- Cute, Bea, but no.

It's for your own safety.

- What?

What are you talking about, Roy?

I don't understand.

Roy, you're not paying me any attention.

Why are you wearing those things?

Roy, what's going on? - Shh.

- I do this every Saturday.

- Mr. Kent, Mr. Kent.

- Yes, go ahead.

- I'm camped at the 18,

and I hear something,

a rumble or something.

- Well, try to reach Kelly.

She's at 18.

- I'm trying, but she doesn't respond.

- Kelly Lange,

encountering her worse lie of the day,

is in full concentration,

attempting to recover her position.

- Get out, Bea. - I'm going with you.

You don't know what you're in for---

This is my golf course, I'm going.

- Fine, suit yourself.

- Ah, tough break.

So far, Squire has had a knack of getting himself

out of difficult positions,

but he's really got to work to pull this off.

- This, I got to see. - Par this hole to win.

Meanwhile, on the green,

you can hear a pin drop here at the 18th.

This is a big moment.

Kelly Lange can put her team in the lead

with this forty footer.

- Kelly, come in.

- Before today's tournament,

I had a chance to talk to Kelly.

She especially felt confident

in her putting ability.

In her words, she believes the longer, the better,

so she should feel good about this position.

The gallery here is hushed,

almost in a telepathic link with her in her concentration.

They say concentration is 90% of the game,

and right now, you can tell Kelly is giving 110%.

She swings.

It's looking good.

It's good!

Kelly Lange has taken the lead.

What's this?

Squire Evans has won

with a miracle sand shot!

Remarkable.

Squire, a little over-anxious

to wait for the game to clear.

But regardless of his lack his golf etiquette---

- That sneaky son of a bitch.

- With that shot,

he squared a par four for the hole,

snatching victory from Kelly by one stroke.

- Kelly, Kelly, come in.

- Kelly here.

- Where the hell have you been?

There's been a report of something coming into your area.

- Where?

- What the hell!

- Camera two, move in.

- Oh, no!

Not again!

- Well, do something!

- This is out of my jurisdiction.

- Well, he always was a cheat.

- The pandemonium, the people!

- You gonna let me out, now?

- Yes, yes, you have Norman Osgood.

No, no, we're not giving an interview.

No, we haven't had a problem.

Hold on one second.

Yes, I can hear you.

You don't have to shout through the phone.

Will you hold on for a second?

Now, look, I said there were no interviews,

and there are no interviews,

and there are no problems.

He told you what?

I don't give a damn what he told you.

It's not true.

Hold on.

Listen, I don't care what trouble you heard was up here.

We have no problem. - How are you?

- I'm sorry, Roy, I screwed up.

If only I'd left them on.

- Forget it.

The whole idea was stupid.

There wasn't anything we could do anyway.

- No comment, goddamn it!

- You're going to get Deke Slade released.

- What? I can't do that.

He's crazy.

- Ask Squire Evans how crazy he is.

- Yeah, Squire Evans, but...

- I don't think you have much choice.

- Yes, get me Chief Kimmel.

Charlie, Norm Osgood.

- I'm going with you.

- Release Deke. - No, you're not.

You're in no condition to go anywhere.

- Roy.

- He's all yours.

- Okay, let's go.

- Roy, do it for Tall Grass.

- Pretty interesting tournament today.

Caught it all on the tube from my iron bar suite.

- We made a mistake.

You said you could stop it.

- Not interested.

- I could get you $10,000.

- Twenty-thousand.

You know, it seems to me

not that much prize money was rewarded today.

- Okay.

- Jason, we got work to do.

- I'm going with you.

I need to.

- Well,

Jason's not all he should be.

Get ready.

- What should I bring?

- You, Missy.

Well now,

I suppose you could bring

a handkerchief to wave bye-bye to us.

- Listen, Deke. - No, you listen, Mister.

I give the orders here.

This ain't gonna be no honeymoon,

and there ain't no room for no women in it.

- You listen, grease head!

Don't think that just

because I'm a woman, I'm scared.

'Cause I'm not.

- Well, if you ain't scared,

then you're a fool.

- Then I'm a fool.

- Well,

looks like we got us a summer camp outing here, Jason.

Sure, Missy, sure.

You can go.

You're prettier than him, anyhow.

Jason, you're staying here.

There you go, pro.

Take these out to the van.

In the back, there's a rack.

Jason will show you where it is.

Just make sure they're safe and secure.

Now, look, these are all loaded,

so don't go acting like they're a bunch of golf clubs

and making any holes in one, all right?

Missy!

Pretty Miss, over here!

- What is this?

- Blasting explosives left over from the war.

Don't drop it.

- 'Nam?

- No, Korea.

Now, look, take them out to the van

and put them behind the passenger seat.

Carefully.

And then, get back in here for the grenades.

- You've got to be kidding.

- What's the matter, Missy?

You losing your nerve?

All right, let's go.

Let's hustle up.

We haven't got all day, here.

Get those weapons latched in, pro?

- Yeah.

Hey!

Take it easy with that.

Treat it like a baby.

Get over and help Jason.

Grab some of those hay bales

and get them loaded up on the rack.

- Balloons?

Hay?

I thought you said there wasn't gonna be a party.

- You two still don't know what you're dealing with, do you?

Oh, yeah, you may have seen it in action,

but you still don't know how it works.

I do.

If you want to get out of here

without getting your asses chewed off,

then you listen to me.

All right, then.

Get the hay.

Stow these inside where I can find them when I need them.

We leave in 10 minutes.

Jason, the hay! Come on, let's go.

Missy, get that rear closed up.

All right, let's move.

What are you gonna do, pro?

Whack it to death with your putter?

- Just for good luck.

- Thought maybe you'd changed your mind.

- I wouldn't miss this for the world, Deke.

- What'd you do, forget your purse?

- No, it's just something I heard about once.

- This is it.

If you wanna quit, do it now.

Once we're out there,

there's no turning back.

- Got any booze on this thing?

- You'll have to earn it, first.

- Let's go.

- I'm ready.

- Roy, get up on top.

- What?

- At every hole, drop off a bale

with a balloon attached to it.

- A balloon?

- Okay.

- Deke, the motor's been sighted next to the 18th.

I think that would be the best place to start.

- Any loose hay, throw it off between holes.

- You got it.

- That's where it was.

It won't be there now.

- How do you know?

- Just a feeling.

- Have you done this often?

- Deke, that's the whole course.

- What do we do, now?

- We go back and check our bait.

- It's been here.

- It's close.

- What?

- Time to go fishing.

- You know, it's too bad the tournament was interrupted.

You seemed to have your old form back.

- Yeah, I was feeling pretty good.

- I'm sorry things have been rough between us, Roy.

- We were just trying to be professionals.

- That's no excuse.

I didn't even try.

- I guess I just came at a bad time.

What is it?

Squire.

- Oh, my god.

Oh, my god!

- What do we do, now?

- I show you where the booze is.

- Well, I think we bit off more than we can chew.

- I told you that when we started.

Now, we're out here 'til the job's finished.

- Well, then, why this mower, here?

- I've seen that mower before.

That's my father's machine.

My father and I worked these grounds.

He was head greenskeeper here for 25 years.

He was a proud and stubborn man, my father.

He took great care in his work.

That was his main machine,

and for over 20 years,

he used it nearly every day.

He fueled it.

He oiled it.

He cleaned it.

He gave it its life.

Then one day, management brought in new machines,

Japanese machines.

Oh, sure, they had a wider cutting radius,

but Dad, he didn't care.

He refused.

He said he didn't wanna change.

So, they fired him.

Twenty-five years of good service,

and they just let him go.

Well, next day, I went down there to

help him clear his stuff out of the garage.

That's when I found him.

At first, I thought he was just cleaning out

the underneath of that mower one last time.

I walked over to him quietly.

Tapped him lightly on the shoulder.

His body rolled slowly away

and fell clear of that machine.

I looked down, just amazed.

His head had been severed clear off his shoulders.

They said it was suicide,

but I never believed them.

- What happened to the mower?

- They took it away.

Haven't seen it in years.

Until today.

- Can you Kill it?

Hit the lights!

Hit the lights!

- I'm turning on the bulb.

- Damn it.

- Did you get it?

- Where are those damn flashlights?

Roy, get up!

Hurry up!

Grab the grenade!

Come on, baby, let's go!

- Shouldn't one of us keep watch?

- Why?

We'll know when it's here.

- What is it?

- We got a little problem here.

Roy, we got to be able to roll.

The spare's in the back there.

The jack's next to it.

Just like the tire iron.

- Wait a minute.

I'll change the tire.

- What's that?

- I didn't come on this safari

to sit on my butt the whole time.

I can change a tire just as well as Roy.

He should be ready to drive out of here,

and you should be ready to kill that thing,

if you know how.

- Suit yourself, Missy.

Stuff's back there just like I said.

- Shouldn't we have a lookout up top?

- Maybe.

You sure you don't need any help down there, Missy?

- I'll help her.

- You stay right there.

She can take care of this herself.

Can't you, Missy?

Better hurry it up there, Missy.

- You're really pushing it, Deke.

- He's not kidding, Kelly!

- Move it!

- Roy, start the engine.

As soon as she's done, get us out of here.

- What about Kelly?

- She'll make it just get us out.

- Hurry, Kelly.

- Just get ready to drive, Roy!

- Done yet?

- Damn it!

- What is it? - The lug is stripped!

I can't tighten it!

- Leave it!

Roy, hit it!

- Guess you needed that hand, after all.

Follow those balloons!

Goddammit, what the hell are you doing?

- Ease up.

You couldn't have followed it, anyway.

- Shit.

- You okay?

- Fine, don't worry about it.

- I'm not worried about it.

I'm just asking.

- Look, are you gonna be able to stop this thing or what?

- We'll know soon enough.

Why, are you scared?

- Yeah.

Yeah, I am.

- Well, then I guess you ain't no fool no more.

It's okay to be scared.

It's a bad machine.

The meanest.

We'll get the bastard.

- I can't get it started.

- Damn it.

All right!

Damn it.

All right, try it now.

Got it, cut it.

All right, try it again.

- What is it?

- Well, we blew a head gasket.

There's no compression.

- Can we fix it?

- Hell no.

- Well, what are we gonna do now?

- Will you stop asking me that?

You think I know all the answers?

- Well, you're supposed to.

You're the professional.

- Maybe we should head back.

- Be my guest.

Al right, Kelly.

What's this idea you brought on board?

- What idea?

This?

- Oh, Christ, forget I asked, huh?

- Well, if I can get it into the gas tank, it might stop it.

- Oh, and how are we gonna do that?

- I have an idea.

- Come on, you metal mother.

Time for din-din.

- Holy Jesus, here it comes!

- That's right.

Let me see you take a bite out of my ass.

- Run, Deke, run!

Hurry up, run!

Let's go, don't look back!

- Come on!

- Come on, hang on.

- I'm gonna go up top.

- Okay.

- Roy, you better get up here.

Roy.

Stop it!

- It's gonna blow, let's get out of here!

- Where?

- There! In the lake.

- Oh, my god.

- Get down.

- What?

- Get down!

- Fore!

- Looks like you got your old game back.

- Yeah, looks like I did.

- Well, Pro, what do you think of your new course?

- It sucks.

But, I think I could get used to it.

- Chief Kimmel,

if you could please give us

a brief account of what has happened?

- Thank you, Sonny.

I am happy to report that the mauling, munching marauder

that terrorized our private members

in recent days has been destroyed.

I just wanna give my heartfelt thanks

to our two residents golf professionals.

Had I not been required

to be the Grand Marshal of the recent MRA parade,

I would have joined them in heated battle myself.

Nevertheless, they, who followed a detailed

and feral plan of attack orchestrated by myself,

did wage a successful war against this mechanical menace.

Unfortunately, we lost a brave compatriot in this skirmish.

I want to tell you Sonny,

God knows I'm gonna miss that courageous,

but somewhat strange and misunderstood man.

I never met anyone who stood as tall and as proud

as Deke once did before he ventured into this outing.

Sonny, I'd like to ask everyone

for a moment of silence

for this man at this time.

- Of course.

- Now, with these hideous, horrific,

and horrendous events behind us,

I'm sure my good friend Norman Osgood

would like to remind each and every one of you

that it's back to business as usual

at the Tall Grass Country Club.

Norm himself would be here right now,

but he's on extended retreat with his lovely wife, Beatrice.

She was undergoing some experimental therapy,

and I'm delighted to say that the early

neurologic reports are extremely encouraging.

Also, I'm sure Norm would also remind you

of next month's election where, of course,

I will be running as a candidate.

- Well, thank you very much, Chief Kimmel.

- Marty!

Marty!

They got it!

- What? I can't hear you.

- Come on inside.

It's on TV, they got that machine.

- So totally violated violated these last few days

has now returned to its innocence and tranquility.

Back to you in the studio.

- Thank you, Sonny, for that.