Original subtitles

[On Fire by Andy Blunda]

- YOUR LOVE IS LIKE A RIVER

YOUR LOVE IS A FEVER

I'M ON FIRE

WE'RE ON FIRE

[upbeat music]

- HOW'D YOU SLEEP?

- SOMEBODY WAS MESSING WITH THE TRASH CANS OUTSIDE.

[laughter] - I HEARD THAT.

I HEARD YOU, RIGHT OUTSIDE THERE,

YELL AT SOMEONE TOO.

[laughter]

- I DID.

- DON'T WANT TO MEET YOU IN AN ALLEYWAY

AT 6:00 IN THE MORNING.

THANKS FOR SPENDING THE NIGHT TONIGHT.

- YOU'RE WELCOME. OF COURSE.

- I ASKED JENNIFER TO SPEND A LITTLE EXTRA TIME WITH ME,

AND SHE'S STAYING THE NIGHT THAT SHE USUALLY STAYS

AT JESSE'S HOUSE, WHICH IS GREAT.

I JUST NEED A LITTLE EXTRA TIME, YOU KNOW, HER AND I TOGETHER.

- I LOVE YOU. - I LOVE YOU TOO.

I THINK IT'S SUPER SWEET

THAT TAHL WANTS MORE ATTENTION FROM ME.

HE'S ATTRACTED TO SO MANY PEOPLE,

AND HE LIKES SO MANY PEOPLE, THAT SOMETIMES I'M LIKE,

"HEY, I'M OVER HERE," SO I FEEL FLATTERED.

- JEN JUST REALLY TURNS ME ON.

SHE'S JUST GOT A FANTASTIC ASS.

THAT'S LIKE MY KRYPTONITE.

- I'M USING CONDOMS WITH TAHL

BECAUSE JESSE ASKED IF WE COD NOT USE CONDOMS.

TAHL HAS SEX WITH A LOT MORE PEOPLE THAN I DO,

AND IT MAKES MORE SENSE FOR ME TO USE A CONDOM WITH TAHL

THAN IT DOES TO USE ONE WITH JESSE.

JESSE'S NOT HAVING SEX WITH ANYBODY ELSE.

[moaning]

- [sighs]

THANK YOU.

- HEY, SWEETIE, I'M GOING TO GO SEE RACHEL.

- SHE'S IN FROM L.A.? - YEP.

- I WANT TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT BEFORE YOU GO.

- OKAY.

RACHEL AND I HAVE BEEN SEEING EACH OTHER

FOR ABOUT THREE MONTHS,

AND THE RELATIONSHIP'S ALWAYS BEEN

REALLY SEXUAL AND PASSIONATE.

AND WHEN RACHEL'S IN TOWN, SHE STAYS WITH FRIENDS,

AND I GO OUT TO SEE HER QUITE A BIT.

YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL. - THANK YOU, HONEY.

I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN SEEING A LOT OF HER...

- UH-HUH.

- AND I WANTED TO CHECK IN

- SEEING MICHAEL FALL IN LOVE WITH RACHEL

IS LIKE A RELIEF TO ME.

BUT I'D LIKE TO SEE HIM GO DEEPER WITH RACHEL,

AND I'D LIKE TO SEE HER MORE A PART OF THE FAMILY.

I'M CURIOUS, BECAUSE IT SEEMS LIKE

IT'S OUT, AND YOU'RE KIND OF KEEPING HER AT ARM'S LENGTH,

AND IT JUST FEELS LIKE WHAT'S REQUIRED

IS THAT YOU BRING HER HERE MORE.

- A LOT OF IT IS JUST TIME, YOU KNOW?

I'M DOING HOMEWORK WITH DEVIN, I'M PICKING HIM UP FROM SCHOOL,

DROPPING HIM OFF AT SCHOOL, I'VE GOT MY WORK.

- YOU KNOW, I MEAN, IF YOUR BIGGEST COMPLAINT IS TIME,

THEN BRINGING HER IN CAN ACTUALLY SAVE YOU TIME.

YOU KNOW, I REALLY DON'T WANT IT TO BE A SEPARATED THING,

YOU KNOW, LIKE JENNIFER AND JESSE.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T LIKE THAT. I DON'T WANT THAT.

THAT YOU WANT TO GO DEEPER WITH HER,

BUT I NEED TO KNOW, YOU KNOW, WHY DON'T YOU?

'CAUSE IT'S PRETTY MUCH LIKE A PATTERN.

- YEAH, YEAH.

- YOU GET CLOSE TO WOMEN SEXUALLY,

BUT YOU DON'T, YOU KNOW, MAINTAIN THOSE RELATIONSHIPS

AND, YOU KNOW, MAKE THEM LONG-TERM.

THROUGH THE YEARS, IT'S BEEN PRETTY HARD TO BALANCE

BEING PRIMARY PARTNERS WITH A MAN WHO LOVES

TO JUST HAVE SEX WITHOUT HAVING TO BUILD THE RELATIONSHIP.

I HOPE THAT YOU ASK HER TO COME OVER AND CONNECT WITH ME, SO...

FOR ME, GOING DEEP REALLY MEANS SHARING

AS I'M SPEAKING WITH KAMALA,

I REALIZE THAT GOING DEEPER WITH RACHEL REALLY COULD MEAN

AND THAT'S REALLY WHAT I'M WORKING TOWARDS AND WHAT I LIKE

- YOU KNOW, GROUP SEX IS FUN AND HOT,

- YEAH.

- AND, YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES YOU GET TO KNOW PEOPLE REALLY WELL

THROUGH GROUP SEX.

BUT WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT IS NOT JUST, LIKE, SWINGING.

I KNOW IT SOUNDS LIKE SWINGER BEHAVIOR,

YOU KNOW, TO HAVE GROUP SEX, BUT THAT'S,

YOU KNOW, NOT REALLY WHAT IT IS.

TO GO DEEPER WITH HER,

I WOULD LOVE FOR HER TO BE MAKING LOVE,

- MM-HMM.

WHEN MICHAEL SUGGESTS THAT WE SHOULD HAVE A THREESOME,

"HEY, I REALLY LIKE HER,

AND I WANT YOU TO LIKE HER TOO."

I'M INTERESTED TO SEE WHERE THE CHEMISTRY IS.

IF IT MAKES HIM HAPPY, I WANT TO TRY IT.

IT'S JUST SO DIFFERENT THAN HOW I DO IT,

WHICH IS USUALLY MORE EMOTIONAL,

AND I TAKE A LOT MORE TIME GETTING TO KNOW PEOPLE.

AND SO WE'RE TRYING TO FIND THE BALANCE

TO MAKE IT WORK FOR BOTH OF US.

- I DO WANT TO GO DEEPER WITH HER.

- SO YOU'LL TALK TO HER ABOUT IT TODAY?

- MM-HMM, YEAH. - GOOD.

- I UNDERSTAND WHEN KAMALA SAYS

THAT SHE WANTS ME TO GO DEEPER,

IT'S GONNA MEAN

HER COMING MORE INTO THE POD.

I'M JUST HOPING THAT RACHEL IS OPEN TO IT.

[rock music]

- THE PAST FEW WEEKS HAVE BEEN DIFFICULT,

ESPECIALLY THIS PAST WEEK THAT LEIGH ANN HAS BEEN GONE.

SHE'S BEEN VERY MUCH OUT OF TOUCH, AND I MISS HER.

SO WE'RE EXCITED TO GO PICK HER UP

AND GET A CHANCE TO RECONNECT.

- EVER SINCE WE HAD A LITTLE INCIDENT IN THE BEDROOM

DURING SEX WITH ALL THREE OF US,

THINGS HAVE BEEN A LITTLE TENSE.

GOT EVERYTHING? - YEAH.

LET'S DO IT.

- LEIGH ANN HAS BEEN DISTANT.

WE NEED TO SIT DOWN WITH LEIGH ANN

- THIS WEEK, IT WAS A LITTLE WEIRD NOT HAVING HER AROUND

AND NOT EVEN BEING ABLE TO CONTACT HER.

IT'S CERTAINLY NOT OUR NORM. - NO.

WHEN I WAS TRYING TO, LIKE, GET A HOLD OF HER, AND...

- NO RESPONSE? - NO RESPONSE.

- I MEAN, SHE SAYS SHE'S WORKING ON THAT SHOW

AND THERE'S NO PHONES ALLOWED,

BUT YOU WOULD THINK THAT, LIKE,

THE FIRST THING THAT WOULD HAPPEN WHEN THEY WRAPPED

IS WE WOULD HEAR FROM HER, RIGHT?

I MEAN--

AND I'M NOT GONNA SHARE FROM WHO,

BUT I DON'T KNOW WHETHER OR NOT TO BELIEVE IT, LIKE--

- WELL, I KNOW THAT, YOU KNOW, PEOPLE ARE TALKING,

BUT WHATEVER PEOPLE ARE SAYING,

I MEAN, SHE'S LOYAL.

THIS TOWN IS FULL OF RUMORS.

AND ALTHOUGH I DON'T WANT TO CREDIT RUMORS,

THE FACT THAT SHE AND I EACH HAVE HEARD THINGS,

I THINK NOW IS AS GOOD A TIME AS ANY

AS TO TRY TO HAVE A CONVERSATION ABOUT WHAT IS GOING ON,

AND, YOU KNOW, WE'LL HEAR FROM HER, HOPEFULLY.

- I'VE BEEN TRAVELING A LOT LATELY FOR WORK.

BEING AWAY IS, LIKE, A BIG RELIEF

BECAUSE I GET TO BE REALLY INDEPENDENT,

A LOT OF THE ISSUES GOING ON IN OUR RELATIONSHIP.

AND I FEEL LIKE LITTLE INCIDENCES LIKE THAT

HAVE BEEN POPPING UP FOR A LONG TIME.

SO I'M NERVOUS TO SEE BOTH CHRIS AND MEGAN

[upbeat music]

- MY SISTER MICHELLE IS COMING FROM LOS ANGELES.

WE'RE GOING TO GET SOME PEDICURES AND HAVE SOME FUN.

- HEY, MISSY! - HI, JEN!

- MY SISTER IS MONOGAMOUS.

SHE'S, LIKE, A SERIAL MONOGAMIST.

- I AM.

AND SHE'S VERY CONFUSED BY THE WHOLE POLYAMORY THING.

- KAMALA'S AWESOME.

SHE'S SEEING A GUY NAMED JASON.

HE'S YOUNG AND CUTE.

- ARE YOU DATING HIM TOO? - NO.

- HOW COME?

- BECAUSE JESSE IS PRETTY MUCH MONOGAMOUS,

AND WE HAVE AN AGREEMENT THAT I CAN DATE WOMEN,

BUT I CAN'T DATE MEN.

[laughs]

- INTERESTING. YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED?

- WELL, I MEAN, WE MADE AN AGREEMENT.

- DO YOU WANT TO? - UM...

I DON'T SEE ANY SPACE FOR ANYBODY ELSE.

ALL MY TIME IS FILLED UP WITH TAHL AND JESSE AND KAMALA.

- YOUR VAGINA MUST BE SO SORE.

SORRY. - OKAY.

- WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE! [laughing]

SO THE SEX PARTIES THAT YOU GO TO,

DON'T YOU FEEL LEFT OUT

WHEN EVERYBODY'S GOING TO THESE COOL PART--

NOT COOL TO ME, BUT COOL TO YOU--

- I FEEL A LITTLE LEFT OUT 'CAUSE I MISS IT,

THE KIND OF CLOSENESS THAT I HAD WITH THE POD

AT THOSE PARTIES.

BUT SINCE JESSE AND I ARE ONLY SEEING EACH OTHER,

- I'M SORRY, WHAT? WHAT?

- WE DECIDED TO NOT USE CONDOMS.

- EW!

- AND SO IN ORDER FOR US TO FEEL SAFER,

I USE CONDOMS WITH TAHL NOW.

- WAIT A SECOND.

YOU DO NOT USE CONDOMS WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND,

BUT YOU DO WITH YOUR HUSBAND. - I DON'T.

TAHL ACTUALLY PREFERS IT. SO IT'S FINE, IT WORKS OUT.

AND I PREFER IT TOO

BECAUSE TAHL HAS SO MANY OTHER GIRLFRIENDS,

IT MAKES ME MORE COMFORTABLE THAT I USE A CONDOM WITH HIM.

- SO BASICALLY, YOUR HUSBAND SLEEPS WITH SO MANY OTHER PEOPLE

- SO?

- WELL, IT'S A GOOD THING YOU'RE NOT POLYAMOROUS.

- IT IS A GOOD THING. - IT IS A GOOD THING.

- I COULDN'T DEAL WITH IT. - STAY MONOGAMOUS.

- I'D HAVE TO SHOWER, SHOWER, SHOWER, SHOWER ALL THE TIME.

THAT I AM USING CONDOMS WITH TAHL.

- ALL RIGHT.

YOUR HOUSE.

YOU MOVE OUT OF THIS GREAT HOUSE INTO THIS TINY, LITTLE ROOM,

SO YOU CAN LIVE WITH ALL YOUR LOVERS IN YOUR POD

OR WHATEVER THE HELL YOU CALL IT,

AND NOW YOU'RE WITH THIS DUDE

WHO IS TAKING YOU TOTALLY AWAY FROM THAT.

AND ALL THIS STUFF YOU'VE BEEN

TRYING TO POUND INTO MY HEAD FOR THE LAST SEVERAL YEARS,

YOU'RE TOTALLY GOING BACK ON.

THAT YOU HOOKED UP WITH SUCH A JEALOUS PERSON.

'CAUSE, I MEAN, IF YOU WANT TO STAY WITH HIM FOR A LONG TIME,

HE'S GONNA HAVE TO LET YOU BE MORE OPEN.

- I GUESS, IN THE LONG RUN,

THAT WOULD BE-- WOULD BE BETTER.

IT WOULD BE NICE IF JESSE WERE WILLING

TO WORK ON HIS JEALOUSY A LITTLE BIT MORE.

IT WOULD BE NICE FOR HIM, IT WOULD BE NICE FOR ME.

OKAY. - [laughing]

YOU'RE NOT AS DIRTY AS I PREVIOUSLY THOUGHT.

[laughter] I'M SORRY.

- THERE SHE IS. HI.

HELLO. - HEY, GUYS.

- HI. HOW WAS YOUR FLIGHT?

- IT WAS GOOD.

- BUSY WEEK, HUH?

- YEAH.

- WELL, TELL US ABOUT IT.

- UM, YOU KNOW, I GOT TO WORK WITH THE DANCERS FROM THE SHOW.

UM, WE WERE ON SET ALL DAY.

I WASN'T ALLOWED TO HAVE MY PHONE WITH ME OR ANYTHING.

- IT'S VERY STRANGE WHEN WE ASK LEIGH ANN ABOUT THE TRIP,

LEIGH ANN NORMALLY WANTS TO SHARE EVERY DETAIL.

THIS IS A VERY BIG DEPARTURE FROM HER NORMAL BEHAVIOR.

YOU'VE BEEN AWAY AN AWFUL LOT,

AND THINGS HAVE BEEN A LITTLE ROUGH, I THINK.

MAYBE THE THREE OF US NEED TO SIT DOWN

AND FIGURE OUT WHERE EVERYBODY'S AT.

- OF COURSE.

I'M REALLY BAD AT CONFRONTING,

UNTIL I'M BACKED UP INTO A CORNER,

AND THEN ALL THE INFORMATION

BUT I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL THEM.

I'M TRYING TO FIND THE RIGHT TIME TO DO IT,

AND I DON'T THINK IN THE CAR IS THE BEST TIME.

- OH, IT'S SO HOT.

SO HOW WAS YOUR TRIP?

- [sighs]

HONESTLY, LIKE, THERE'S MORE GOING ON

THAT YOU GUYS DON'T KNOW ABOUT.

I MET SOMEONE ELSE.

- IS THAT WHERE YOU WERE?

IT'S BEEN GOING ON FOR A LITTLE WHILE,

AND I ALSO, LIKE, DIDN'T FEEL LIKE I COULD TELL YOU GUYS.

ON ONE OF MY RECENT BUSINESS TRIPS,

I WAS IN CHICAGO, I MET A BOY.

I HAD SEX WITH HIM, AND WE STAYED IN TOUCH,

AND HE WAS ACTUALLY IN VEGAS WITH ME.

LIKE, I JUST-- I WANTED TO BE COMFORTABLE

AND NOT HAVE ALL THE DRAMA AND ALL THE BULLSHIT,

LOVE WITH YOU GUYS CAUSING DRAMA WITH ME.

- SO WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US THAT YOU WANTED SOMETHING ELSE, LIKE,

ON THE SIDE, SEPARATE FROM US?

- I MEAN, BECAUSE I DIDN'T KNOW UNTIL I HAD IT.

IT WASN'T LIKE I PLANNED IT.

IT TOOK ME BY FUCKING COMPLETE SURPRISE.

THAT COME OUT OF PEOPLE'S MOUTHS THAT YOU LOVE.

AND, LIKE, ALTHOUGH, LIKE,

I HAD A LOT OF INFORMATION FROM OTHER PEOPLE,

I DIDN'T WANT TO BELIEVE THAT IT WAS TRUE.

IT'S SO HARD TO THINK THAT SOMEONE I LOVE SO MUCH

AND TRUST IN SO MUCH COULD EVER DO THAT.

WE NEED TO TALK TO CHRIS.

- WELL, YEAH, OBVIOUSLY.

WHEN I TOLD MEGAN ABOUT MY AFFAIR,

AND I KNOW I HAVE TO FOLLOW THROUGH AND...

TELL THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT'S REALLY BEEN GOING ON.

- CHRIS?

[rock music]

- I'M DRIVING UP TO SEE RACHEL

WHERE SHE STAYS WITH A FRIEND WHEN SHE'S DOWN FROM L.A.

KAMALA'S SPOKEN WITH ME ABOUT GOING DEEPER WITH RACHEL.

IT IS IMPORTANT FOR ME.

- HOW YOU DOING? - GOOD. HOW ARE YOU?

- GOOD.

- SO IF RACHEL DOESN'T WANT TO GO DEEPER THROUGH GROUP SEX,

ARE YOU ALONE? - YES.

- NO, JUST US.

- MM. - [giggles]

- AS SOON AS I GET THERE AND I REALIZE THAT WE'RE ALONE,

PASSION TAKES OVER ME,

AND I PRETTY MUCH JUST RAVISH HER.

ONE OF THE GREAT THINGS ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH RACHEL

IS THAT SHE LIKES IT ALL.

WE'RE VERY EXPERIMENTAL, WE LIKE TO TRY NEW THINGS.

SHE LIKES A LOT OF DIFFERENT POSITIONS.

- I'M FEELING LIKE THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME

TO TALK WITH HER ABOUT GOING DEEPER,

BECAUSE BOTH OF US HAVE JUST HAD

A GREAT LOVEMAKING EXPERIENCE

AND OUR HEARTS ARE OPEN TO EACH OTHER.

I'M REALLY PUTTING MYSELF OUT THERE.

I WANT THAT FROM RACHEL,

I HAD A REALLY NICE TALK WITH KAMALA.

WE TALKED ABOUT YOU AND I'S RELATIONSHIP,

AND SHE'S VERY APPROVING.

YOU KNOW, OBVIOUSLY, WE HAVE A REALLY NICE SEXUAL CONNECTION,

BUT I'D LIKE TO TAKE IT A LITTLE BIT DEEPER WITH YOU,

NOT TO SCARE YOU.

YOU DON'T NEED TO ANSWER RIGHT NOW.

- I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA BREAK UP WITH ME

AFTER WE JUST FUCKED ON THE FLOOR.

- EXACTLY. I GOT WHAT I NEEDED. - THAT'S IT!

A LOT OF TIMES I COME OVER HERE,

AND IT'S KIND OF TAKING ME AWAY FROM THE POD A LITTLE BIT.

- MM-HMM.

- AND I WANTED TO KIND OF TALK TO YOU ABOUT, YOU KNOW,

THE POSSIBILITY OF KIND OF INTEGRATING MORE

WITH OUR FAMILY.

- IT'S IMPORTANT, IF YOU--

WE WANT TO TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL,

AND HAVE THE CONNECTION WITH THEM AS WELL.

- YEAH.

YEAH, NOT JUST MEET EVERYBODY. - OH.

NO, I'M-- NOT TO SCARE YOU.

- AND TALK TO THEM AND HANG OUT WITH THEM.

- WELL, A BIG PART OF POLYAMORY, FOR ME,

- YOU KNOW, WE LOVE TO PLAY TOGETHER.

I SPOKE WITH KAMALA.

SHE LIKES YOU A LOT, AND SHE KNOWS THAT YOU'RE BISEXUAL,

AND SHE'S OPEN TO THE POSSIBILITY OF PLAYING,

YOU KNOW, WITH YOU OR WITH US...

- UH-HUH. - AT SOME TIME.

KAMALA IS MY PRIMARY,

AND IF RACHEL'S GOING TO GO DEEPER WITH ME,

THEN SHE'S GOING TO END UP HAVING TO INTERACT

WITH MY PRIMARY AT SOME POINT.

- MAYBE HAVING KAMALA, YOU KNOW,

- WELL, I'M JUST KIND OF TRYING TO UNDERSTAND, UM,

THE WAY THIS CONVERSATION'S GOING...

- YEAH.

- BECAUSE YOU'RE SAYING THAT YOU WANT TO CONNECT WITH ME

AND GO DEEPER WITH ME. - MM-HMM.

- BUT THEN YOU'RE ALSO INTRODUCING THE IDEA

OF BRINGING YOUR WIFE INTO OUR SEX LIFE.

SO IT SEEMS, LIKE, CONTRADICTORY

TO WANT TO GO DEEPER WITH ME

TO BRING SOMEONE ELSE IN TO HAVE SEX.

- YEAH, YEAH.

I CAN TOTALLY-- - YOU KNOW?

- I TOTALLY HEAR THAT.

YOU KNOW, IN A LOT OF RELATIONSHIPS,

GOING DEEP MEANS, YOU KNOW,

GETTING MARRIED AND NOT HAVING SEX WITH OTHER PEOPLE--

- RIGHT.

- AND FOR US, THAT'S NOT THE CASE.

YOU KNOW, BRINGING OTHER LOVERS IN--

- AND, YOU KNOW, I'M SEEING YOU

AS SOMEBODY THAT I'D LIKE TO DO THAT WITH.

I PERSONALLY LOVE, YOU KNOW--

I LOVE THE ENERGY OF THE THREESOME AS WELL.

I WOULD BE SUPER HONORED, YOU KNOW, TO HAVE YOU, YOU KNOW,

- I WOULD REALLY LIKE, AS A FIRST STEP,

TO TALK WITH KAMALA MORE ABOUT IT--

THE THREE OF US-- - MM-HMM.

- AND JUST GET THAT--JUST GET MORE COMFORTABLE WITH THE IDEA.

- MM-HMM. I HEAR YOU.

I WASN'T SURPRISED THAT RACHEL WANTED TO TALK TO KAMALA

ABOUT THE THREESOME.

ANY TIME WE HAVE A THREESOME,

I WANT KAMALA TO BE EXCITED BY RACHEL,

AND I WANT RACHEL TO BE EXCITED BY KAMALA.

- CHRIS?

SHE HAS SOMETHING THAT SHE WANTS TO--

I HAVE SOMETHING THAT I HAVE TO TELL YOU.

I'M FEELING LIKE HE'S GONNA HATE ME FOREVER,

AND I'M SUPER SCARED BECAUSE THAT'S NOT WHAT I REALLY WANT.

LIKE, JUST, WAS DESPERATE.

I DON'T KNOW HOW ELSE TO EXPLAIN IT.

UM, I MET SOMEBODY ELSE,

AND, UM, I SLEPT WITH HIM.

- WHEN?

- WHEN I WAS IN CHICAGO,

AND I'VE STAYED IN CONTACT,

AND HE WAS WITH ME IN LAS VEGAS.

- SO THIS WHOLE TRIP WAS A LIE.

I MEAN, I DEFINITELY STRETCHED THE TRUTH.

- RIGHT. - DOES HE KNOW YOU'RE MARRIED?

HE WANTS TO MEET YOU GUYS.

- PFFT! OH, YEAH. WHY WOULD HE WANT TO MEET ME?

WHAT DOES HE THINK IS GONNA HAPPEN THEN?

BUT YOU'RE NOT.

WE HAVE A SMALL COMMUNITY.

YOU HAVEN'T KEPT GOOD SECRETS, OKAY?

NOW NEITHER OF US WANTED TO JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS

OR BELIEVE OTHER PEOPLE,

BUT OTHER PEOPLE HAVE TOLD US ALREADY.

- I'M SORRY,

AND I KNOW THAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING BEFORE.

BUT YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND,

I'VE BEEN WITH YOU FOR NINE YEARS.

NOTHING LIKE THIS HAS EVER HAPPENED.

- I DON'T KNOW THAT NOW, DO I?

- THAT IS FUCKING RIDICULOUS!

YOU KNOW THAT IT'S HARD FOR ME

TO CONFRONT UNCOMFORTABLE THINGS,

AND YOU USED TO ALWAYS COME AND SIT ME DOWN--

- SO THAT'S WHAT I SHOULD HAVE DONE?

I SHOULD HAVE CONFRONTED YOU?

"OH, WELL, I ALREADY KNEW," AND I'M LIKE,

"WELL, FUCK. YOU NEVER TALKED TO ME ABOUT IT."

- WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW. WAIT A SECOND.

I DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING.

WHAT I HEARD WAS RUMOR AND GOSSIP AND INNUENDO.

- I KNOW THAT I HAD PLENTY OF OPPORTUNITIES TO TELL YOU,

BUT I WAS AFRAID.

- WHY, THAT WE WERE GOING TO TAKE IT AWAY FROM YOU?

- THE ONE THING WE'VE NEVER DONE IS LIE TO EACH OTHER.

- WELL, I'M SORRY.

I'M TRYING TO BE HONEST ABOUT IT NOW.

I HAD TO GO THROUGH MY OWN PROCESS,

AND I'M SORRY THAT I CUT YOU OUT OF IT.

WHEN WE FIRST MET, IT WAS A LOT EASIER

TO STAND UP TO CHRIS THAN IT IS NOW.

I DON'T FEEL LIKE HE HEARS ME.

SO WHY SHOULD I EVEN TRY TO COMMUNICATE?

AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

WE'RE IN A POLYAMOROUS RELATIONSHIP.

YOU KNOW, THIS IS A CHANCE THAT WE CAN TALK--

WHAT IS THE FIRST, MOST IMPORTANT THING?

RIGOROUS HONESTY.

- EVERYONE SAYS THAT-- - I'M BEING HONEST NOW.

- YOU DRAGGED US INTO A RELATIONSHIP

THAT IS NOT POLYAMORY.

THAT'S CHEATING.

THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS IN MONOGAMY.

THE IDEA WAS TO NOT CHEAT ON EACH OTHER,

NOT LIE TO EACH OTHER,

NOT LEAVE EACH OTHER WITH THESE HURT FEELINGS.

- THAT'S THE THING. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

- YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU KNOW WHAT?

YEAH, I'M GONNA JUST TAKE A BREAK.

- I MEAN, IT WAS A WHOLE PROCESS FOR ME, A WHOLE EVOLUTION.

- LET ME TAKE A BREAK.

I'M FURIOUS.

WHEN I GET REALLY EMOTIONALLY CHARGED,

I OFTENTIMES FEEL MY ONLY OPTION IS TO SHUT DOWN,

BECAUSE MY TEMPER CAN BE OUT OF CONTROL.

- I WASN'T PLANNING THIS, EXPECTING THIS,

THINKING THAT IT WAS SOMETHING THAT I NEEDED OR WANTED

UNTIL IT HAPPENED, AND THEN IT JUST BLEW ME AWAY.

- LOOK, LEIGH ANN, I CAN HEAR

WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IN HERE, AND YOU KNOW WHAT?

THE REALITY OF THE SITUATION

IS THAT YOU HAD MORE FREEDOM AND FLEXIBILITY

IN THIS RELATIONSHIP THAN EXISTS

IN ANY OF THE OTHER ONES THAT WE KNOW OF.

- THINGS CHANGED WHEN WE NO LONGER HAD OUR RULES,

AND WE NO-- I NO LONGER HAD MY OUTLET.

- WHAT RULES DID WE NO LONGER HAVE?

- WE NO LONGER HAD THE RULE OF SHARED SEXUAL EXPERIENCES,

BECAUSE YOU GUYS HAVE SEXUAL EXPERIENCES

THAT DON'T INCLUDE ME.

- YOU KNOW, WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR A LONG TIME,

AND WE'VE HAD A LOT OF DISTANCE BETWEEN US.

LIKE, WHEN WE MET MEGAN,

- BUT WHEN ME FALLING BACK IN LOVE WITH YOU

STARTED TO HURT HER, AND SHE GOT IN THE WAY OF THAT,

PREVENTING THAT, LIKE, THAT REALLY--

THAT STOPPED IT FOR ME.

I DON'T REGRET BRINGING MEGAN INTO THE RELATIONSHIP,

BUT I REGRET NOT PROTECTING, LIKE, OUR PRIMARY RELATIONSHIP.

I'VE BEEN FEELING REALLY DISCONNECTED

FROM HIM FOR A REALLY LONG TIME.

EVER SINCE THAT THREESOME, YOU REFUSED TO ADDRESS IT.

AND HONESTLY, LIKE,

IT REALLY CHANGED THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT YOU.

- I MEAN, I WAS HAVING OVERWHELMING EMOTIONS

ABOUT THE CONNECTION YOU GUYS WERE HAVING.

I'M REALLY NOT SURE, STILL TO THIS DAY, WHAT IT IS.

BUT, YES, I HAD SOME EMOTIONS. - GREAT.

BUT TODAY, THAT'S THE FIRST TIME YOU SAID IT. THERE.

YOU JUST DENIED IT FOREVER LIKE I WAS A CRAZY PERSON.

- 'CAUSE YOU WERE YELLING AT ME.

I REALLY DIDN'T THINK ME GETTING UP OUT OF THIS THREESOME

I WAS VERY EMOTIONAL

AND DIDN'T REALLY KNOW HOW TO RESPOND AT THE TIME.

I THINK WE'VE ALL BEEN KIND OF REFLECTING

ON WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON IN OUR RELATIONSHIP.

- I HAD NO IDEA HOW UNHAPPY I WAS

UNTIL, ALL OF A SUDDEN, I WAS HAPPY AGAIN.

- SO WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING THEN?

- OKAY, WELL, IF YOU'RE HAPPY, GREAT!

- I MEAN, I GUESS THAT'S THE THING.

- I GUESS THAT'S THE THING.

EITHER YOU NEED TO PACK UP AND FIND SOMEWHERE TO STAY,

OR I DO,

- ALL RIGHT.

[crying]

YEAH, I FUCKED UP.

I KNOW THAT I DID.

YOU KNOW, I REALLY WOULD RATHER BE HOME THAN BE KICKED OUT,

BUT, LIKE, THERE IS SOME IMMEDIATE RELIEF...

YOU KNOW,

FROM THE TENSION, FROM THE ANXIETY,

FROM ALL THE DRAMA.

YOU KNOW, THERE'S SOME RELIEF FROM THAT.