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1
00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:31,199
At last the day dawned
when I was happy with myself...
2
00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:32,839
...and everything I did.
3
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,718
It was a hot evening...
4
00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:38,475
...and I was lying in the park
near my house...
5
00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:45,512
...with Max, a cute and toecurling guy.
I was happy with myself and with us.
6
00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:50,231
We did a test to find out
what kind of woman I was.
7
00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,072
I was the One.
8
00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:54,231
You're the One, Phileine!
9
00:00:54,400 --> 00:00:56,675
Okay, I admit it. I am.
10
00:00:57,720 --> 00:01:02,316
You're the sunshine of my life.
To be happy, I need you.
11
00:01:04,040 --> 00:01:06,235
I think you're sweet too.
12
00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:12,629
I have something to tell you...
13
00:01:13,920 --> 00:01:16,514
I hate it when people say that!
14
00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:19,877
Here we go again, I think.
Nothing ever stays the same.
15
00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:22,918
It's all doomed to decay. It always is.
16
00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:28,191
Happiness is a warm gun. It can blast
your head off at any moment.
17
00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:34,992
I'm such a wimp.
18
00:01:35,840 --> 00:01:37,239
Shut up, Phileine!
19
00:01:37,440 --> 00:01:40,432
Don't cry. He's just a boy!
20
00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:48,118
Phileine says Sorry
21
00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:11,077
Phileine?
22
00:03:23,320 --> 00:03:25,709
TWO MONTHS EARLIER
23
00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:32,196
I've something to tell you.
24
00:03:36,120 --> 00:03:37,473
I love you.
25
00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:41,640
But?
- But I have to go now.
26
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:45,760
I can't let my best friend down.
27
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:49,433
It's his birthday. Come along too.
28
00:03:53,120 --> 00:03:55,031
You go. Don't think of me.
29
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:57,634
Let me rot in my sickbed.
30
00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:01,156
As always, this story started
with my generosity.
31
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:04,198
Dying of fever, 98.7 degrees...
32
00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:09,434
...I let Dylan, my Everything back then,
go to his best friend's party.
33
00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:11,909
He couldn't wait...
- You're sure?
34
00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:14,918
...to leave me.
35
00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:47,788
My intuition rang alarm bells...
36
00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,679
...so I decided to hit the party anyway.
37
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:58,436
I came late so Dylan would be
drunk and satisfied...
38
00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:01,034
...and it would be easier
for me to beat him up.
39
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:03,953
Phileine! Cocksucker!
40
00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:06,714
Party Pussy!
- Fleur! Sperm Bag!
41
00:05:06,880 --> 00:05:09,075
Everyone was wasted...
42
00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:12,550
We want to fuck!
...apart from Dylan...
43
00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:14,915
He's not here?
...who wasn't there.
44
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,878
No, and he didn't even call!
45
00:05:18,040 --> 00:05:20,600
You're his girlfriend. Where is he?
46
00:05:20,760 --> 00:05:25,959
Listen, Bogbrush, if you want to know
ask him! I'm no babysitter.
47
00:05:26,120 --> 00:05:28,998
He's my best friend.
- No kidding!
48
00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:45,109
See, he's home.
- And he's not alone, either.
49
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:01,239
Don't do it, maniac!
50
00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:04,591
I'm an angry young woman,
so no one'll mind.
51
00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:09,550
It's post-adolescent hormonal aggression!
Crime passionel!
52
00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:13,358
Christ, she's just out of primary school!!
53
00:06:14,760 --> 00:06:16,398
Child porn!!
54
00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:55,195
What's all this?
- We zapped you to Drenthe!
55
00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:57,954
That's a province.
You're lucky to be alive.
56
00:06:59,840 --> 00:07:01,796
You're a province!
57
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:06,560
You're not funny.
- You steal our jokes.
58
00:07:06,720 --> 00:07:08,358
Purile Platypus!
59
00:07:08,520 --> 00:07:12,115
Do you ever praise people?
- We tolerate some.
60
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,071
Your looks don't matter.
61
00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:27,597
Who cares if that's your head or a balloon.
- We want your insights!
62
00:07:27,760 --> 00:07:30,672
Your motivation...
- Your moral values, etc.
63
00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:34,628
We found out that
hideously ugly people like you...
64
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:39,794
...often think longer and deeper
about the meaning of life than us.
65
00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:46,469
Can we expect a fascinating riposte?
66
00:07:46,640 --> 00:07:48,835
D'you come here often?
67
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:50,718
To birthday parties?
68
00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:55,795
I don't think you quite get it. You can
compensate for your physical defects.
69
00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:59,032
What d'you want?
- Last chance...
70
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:03,239
What were you thinking
before we came over?
71
00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:13,434
Nothing really.
72
00:08:13,600 --> 00:08:15,511
Sorry.
- Oh God!
73
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:19,239
What did you say?
- He really said it.
74
00:08:19,760 --> 00:08:21,273
Sorry?
75
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:24,277
Filthy bastard!
76
00:08:24,480 --> 00:08:28,189
If you'd said anything else
you could've fucked me tonight.
77
00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:29,588
Me too!
- And even me.
78
00:08:29,760 --> 00:08:32,593
We feel charitable.
- And want to see your dick.
79
00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:36,514
There's only one thing worse
than an ugly bastard.
80
00:08:36,680 --> 00:08:40,912
What's that?
- One without a sparkling personality.
81
00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:43,233
Like you.
82
00:08:45,560 --> 00:08:49,872
Great, another poor boy's soul dashed.
- Bitches...
83
00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:54,797
Phileine? Where's Phileine?
- Where am I?
84
00:08:54,960 --> 00:08:58,191
Where were you, claphead!?
- Dylan, stop it!
85
00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:03,712
How 'bout a drink?
86
00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:29,948
I know he's your best friend...
87
00:09:30,120 --> 00:09:33,590
...but a good host would've
beaten him up for me.
88
00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:48,270
Worst of all: I don't like singles.
And now I'm one.
89
00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:57,193
Wild him!
90
00:09:57,360 --> 00:10:00,796
What do they want?
- I have to 'wild' you.
91
00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:03,155
It's the opposite of 'tame'.
92
00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:07,552
Let's cut the crap.
93
00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:09,836
I feel like sex at first sight.
94
00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:13,151
This must be every boy's wet dream.
95
00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:16,790
You don't have to...
- Leave me be...
96
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:20,878
I just want to say that
Dylan was a real prick.
97
00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:23,998
You can't do things like that.
- How sweet.
98
00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:25,479
But not now, okay?
99
00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:30,560
PHILEINE WITH A HARD ON
100
00:11:20,200 --> 00:11:22,316
Okay, I admit it. I am the One.
101
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:24,789
Never a dull moment.
- Right.
102
00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:28,236
You're the sunshine of my life.
Irreplaceable.
103
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:29,992
I think you're sweet too.
104
00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:37,396
I have something to tell you.
105
00:11:40,840 --> 00:11:43,400
I'm moving to New York for a year.
106
00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:46,797
A year?
107
00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:48,678
Yes.
108
00:11:48,840 --> 00:11:50,478
To New York?
109
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,391
That's a long time.
110
00:11:56,480 --> 00:12:01,600
It's a special project at drama school
with just a few foreign students.
111
00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:07,194
It's a once in a lifetime chance.
I have to go.
112
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:09,510
All Shakespeare's plays...
113
00:12:09,680 --> 00:12:12,319
...with different guest directors...
114
00:12:12,480 --> 00:12:14,550
...all really famous.
115
00:12:15,640 --> 00:12:17,392
I don't like theatre.
116
00:12:17,560 --> 00:12:20,996
You're not the reason
I want to study in New York.
117
00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:23,913
That's just it, reptile face!
Did you...
118
00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:29,077
Did you think about me?
119
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:33,589
I didn't think about
anything else recently.
120
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:47,031
Oh God, another boy
sobbing on my shoulder.
121
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:50,636
Can't these guys stop crying?
122
00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:26,477
There we were...
123
00:13:26,640 --> 00:13:31,998
...two happy people losing
each other, gddmn it!
124
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,910
Well that's that. Can we go now?
125
00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:54,068
You girls want a ride to Utrecht?
126
00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,877
Bye, Max.
127
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:26,551
We'll take Fleur home.
- You're home already?!
128
00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:29,079
Bye...
129
00:15:04,280 --> 00:15:07,397
Practicing safe sex, Mommy?
- What's that, child?
130
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:13,075
They must be yours.
131
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:18,677
Last time I used a condom,
dinosaurs still roamed the planet.
132
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:25,913
So those condoms must belong
to you and Daddy. Right, Mom?
133
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:28,835
How about my allowance?
134
00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:33,000
Only if you promise to use a condom...
- When I fuck?
135
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:35,070
Yes, excuse your French.
136
00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:39,190
She pays the rent, so thinks
she has a right to a key.
137
00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:44,434
Officially to keep an eye on me.
In reality, to adulterate with her lovers.
138
00:15:47,320 --> 00:15:48,958
My money, Mommy!
139
00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,719
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
140
00:16:01,600 --> 00:16:05,991
And? How's Max?
- Fine. He just left.
141
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:10,754
He seemed such a nice boy.
- He went to New York, remember?
142
00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:14,356
Shakespeare?
- Yes, that was it. That's nice.
143
00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:18,077
I lose my one true love
and you call that 'nice'?
144
00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:19,793
He's your one true love?
145
00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:27,748
My daughter's in love. How touching.
146
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:29,273
I'm NOT in love!
147
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,311
Problem solved!
148
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:40,112
I just want you to know there are two
kinds of fidelity in a relationship...
149
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:42,350
...love fidelity and sex fidelity.
150
00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:47,355
Your father gives me
love, depth and peace...
151
00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:54,039
...and Antonio, Anand, Costas and
Mustapha help me crease the sheets.
152
00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:59,320
For those moments in life
when the underbelly conquers the brains.
153
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:02,517
When euphoria, ecstasy, despair...
154
00:17:02,680 --> 00:17:04,113
See you soon!
155
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:06,879
Bye dear.
156
00:17:07,920 --> 00:17:09,319
Bye darling!
157
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:40,596
I don't like it when
other people have sex.
158
00:17:40,760 --> 00:17:43,638
I should be the only one to enjoy life.
159
00:17:44,720 --> 00:17:46,472
THREE MONTHS LATER
160
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:04,630
THE NEW CELIBATES
161
00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:22,872
Shut up with your childish sex noise!
162
00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:25,634
Grow up. Lala!
163
00:19:32,320 --> 00:19:36,632
Listen. I flew all this way to see
my Max, so don't get in my way.
164
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:40,315
Just say so. Ninth floor, last door.
165
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:06,519
Only joking. You can laugh.
166
00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:09,148
You speak Dutch, don't you?
167
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:10,673
That was me.
168
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:13,798
That's how I met Crotch Gobbelaer...
169
00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:16,918
...ex-Miss Belgium sent
to New York by her daddy...
170
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:20,629
...to study economics,
marry and never have to work.
171
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:24,309
I can't shake hands...
172
00:20:24,480 --> 00:20:28,598
This is supposed to make
your nails longer and healthier.
173
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:30,990
Thank you for sharing that!
174
00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:34,948
It's one of the few things
this four-eyed mule taught me.
175
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:51,758
Being inferior doesn't mean
you're not dumb and ugly, girl!
176
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:59,438
So you're a friend of Max?
- I'm his girlfriend.
177
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:04,034
Does he know you're coming?
- No.
178
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:05,838
I was afraid of that.
179
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:29,393
Romeo!
180
00:21:31,320 --> 00:21:32,673
Phileine?
181
00:21:33,560 --> 00:21:35,551
I was in the neighborhood.
182
00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:41,873
Why didn't you call?
- You're really pleased to see me!
183
00:21:42,040 --> 00:21:45,191
All the truckers I sucked for the ticket!
184
00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:48,079
Bullshit. Your mother paid for it.
185
00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:56,431
What if she hadn't?
186
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:01,754
That would have been terrible, yes.
187
00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:15,071
You're still brains, beauty, beast, best...
188
00:22:15,240 --> 00:22:16,992
I quite like you too.
189
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:26,956
Come and lie down beside me.
190
00:22:31,880 --> 00:22:34,474
Feelings are never hypocritical.
191
00:22:34,840 --> 00:22:37,752
I should be mad at his cool reception.
192
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:42,158
But I feel like a deserted bitch
on heat...
193
00:22:42,320 --> 00:22:45,869
...wagging her tail
as soon as her boss comes in.
194
00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:56,639
Girl...
195
00:22:57,960 --> 00:22:59,313
I missed you.
196
00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:02,789
I really missed you.
197
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:05,520
You have no idea how much I missed you.
198
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:09,309
No, I really missed you.
199
00:23:09,480 --> 00:23:11,675
Great, we missed each other.
200
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:15,871
You know what I thought
about on the plane?
201
00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:20,238
No?
- I thought: when I see Max...
202
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,436
...I'll rip off his clothes...
203
00:23:22,600 --> 00:23:26,354
...I'll get his dick so hard
he faints from anemia...
204
00:23:26,520 --> 00:23:29,637
...I'll squeeze my labia
round his loaded gun...
205
00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:33,429
...and cunt-suck him till
he shoots me across the bed.
206
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,158
But I changed my mind.
207
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:50,197
It's nice to have a cuddle, though.
208
00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:52,555
I can't stand the word cuddle.
209
00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:59,711
Maybe I don't feel like hard-core work sex.
210
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:03,672
The ancient Chinese had a better term.
211
00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:06,433
Phileine...
212
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:11,790
...let's make Rain and Wind together.
I've been looking forward to it.
213
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:15,075
That's why I love Max so.
214
00:24:15,280 --> 00:24:20,434
'Making Rain and Wind'. That gets me
so excited, I don't care who knows.
215
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:40,755
Shit, my party.
216
00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:45,072
Party?
- For my acting class.
217
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:47,390
Consider it a welcome party.
218
00:26:19,640 --> 00:26:23,838
Apart from Crotch Gobbelaer and
the Man with the Scratched Back...
219
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:27,993
...I knew no one, so it was time
to meet his roommates.
220
00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:30,594
Apart from Jules...
221
00:26:30,760 --> 00:26:33,718
...here in our cosy condo pondo...
222
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:36,155
...we have Leonard.
223
00:26:36,320 --> 00:26:40,518
You mean that excavated mummy?
- He's a bit sick.
224
00:26:41,360 --> 00:26:44,511
What's he got?
- A cold. He'll get over it.
225
00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:48,514
Conspicuous by his absence...
226
00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:50,398
...was Reginald.
227
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:52,596
Who's Reginald?
228
00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:57,151
He's an Argentinian American
of French-Canadian descent.
229
00:26:57,320 --> 00:26:59,072
A real Rimbaudian artist.
230
00:26:59,240 --> 00:27:05,349
An inspired thinker, a culture vulture,
free of rusty ideas, addicted to the age.
231
00:27:05,560 --> 00:27:09,030
A wild theatre film music
dance fashion maker...
232
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:13,113
...who surfs his versatile soul.
- So he's ugly!
233
00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:15,953
No, he's my director.
234
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:20,512
Who's the Barbie doll?
235
00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:25,595
LT, it's a childish American habit
to turn initials into an acronym.
236
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:28,478
LT is standby weatherman for CBS.
237
00:27:28,640 --> 00:27:33,634
But his big breakthrough is coming,
he's claimed for eight years.
238
00:27:33,800 --> 00:27:37,793
And just when I thought I'd met
all Max's New York crowd...
239
00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:39,518
Romeo!
- She came in.
240
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:41,033
Joanne!
241
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:44,749
Joanne, the standby weatherman's
steady girlfriend.
242
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:55,792
She thinks she's a great actress but
can't hold a cucumber in a porn movie.
243
00:28:00,800 --> 00:28:03,678
Why are actors and actresses so awful?
244
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:11,872
Phileine, have you met Joanne?
- No.
245
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:26,118
So you're stagemates?
246
00:28:26,280 --> 00:28:29,352
It's Shakespeare!
- Great. What play?
247
00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:17,997
What's the matter?
248
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:19,593
Good question.
249
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:23,871
Tired, jetlagged, groggy, drunk.
250
00:29:25,040 --> 00:29:26,393
Just leave me be.
251
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:39,989
You have something to tell me?
252
00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:42,799
No...
253
00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:49,270
I have nothing to tell you.
254
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:51,078
But?
255
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:53,959
I have to get back to my guests.
256
00:29:54,120 --> 00:29:57,954
Hello New York!
I came, I saw, I came...
257
00:29:58,120 --> 00:29:59,872
...and fell asleep.
258
00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:16,349
Phileine, shall we go out for lunch?
259
00:32:29,400 --> 00:32:32,710
Despite being a social animal, a gnu...
260
00:32:32,880 --> 00:32:36,429
...my intuition told me
I was needed elsewhere.
261
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:12,558
Hey, Party Pussy!
262
00:33:12,720 --> 00:33:14,870
Phileine! Great!
263
00:33:15,040 --> 00:33:17,349
Quiet, they're rehearsing.
264
00:33:17,520 --> 00:33:22,150
What are you doing here?
- I came with Christian.
265
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:24,390
How come?
266
00:33:24,560 --> 00:33:28,473
He's making a documentary about Max.
It's going great!
267
00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:33,958
I'm so glad...
268
00:33:34,120 --> 00:33:36,680
...that Max invited you after all.
269
00:33:56,840 --> 00:34:02,233
I wondered why you invited Lala and
not me, but I guess this is your answer!
270
00:34:02,400 --> 00:34:06,393
It's not what you think, Phileine.
We're only... Christ!
271
00:34:06,560 --> 00:34:08,278
What's this?
- Rehearsing.
272
00:34:08,440 --> 00:34:11,637
Still don't know your lines,
dyslectic lapdogs?
273
00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:13,279
Some other time?
- No.
274
00:34:13,800 --> 00:34:16,872
You try to keep your
one true love at a distance.
275
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:21,318
But invite half Utrecht to drool
over your new-found love on stage!
276
00:34:21,480 --> 00:34:24,074
What am I to think?
Good question, eh?
277
00:34:26,720 --> 00:34:30,838
Phileine, go home. Really, please!
I'll see you tonight.
278
00:34:38,280 --> 00:34:43,274
You're even uglier, paler,
smaller and punier than I expected.
279
00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:49,149
Give me drama, Max!
280
00:34:56,000 --> 00:35:00,039
He can direct your acting, not your life!
- Acting is my life!
281
00:35:18,240 --> 00:35:21,835
Cheer up! I found
a blonde bosom buddy. So enjoy!
282
00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:29,157
What else can a girl do
with a play actor friend?
283
00:35:41,720 --> 00:35:44,632
See those horny eyes squirting at us!
284
00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:48,717
Oh them: the illustrious
duo Fuck and Suck.
285
00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:54,432
I see them here all the time.
- Jerking off under the table.
286
00:35:54,600 --> 00:35:57,990
Fuck is quite something.
- No, that's Suck.
287
00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:01,470
He licks his top lip as he laughs,
you just watch.
288
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:09,799
Watching them, I know
we're better off as girls.
289
00:36:09,960 --> 00:36:13,032
Us women can always jazz it.
That's the difference.
290
00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:15,998
Jazz it?
- Jazz, fuck, shag.
291
00:36:17,240 --> 00:36:22,030
My aberration, dear Kitty, is that
I love discussing sex with girlfriends.
292
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:23,599
Preferably vulgar.
293
00:36:23,760 --> 00:36:28,709
I love girls talking about jazzing,
trouser snakes and poking the fire...
294
00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:31,758
I'll have to learn to live with it.
- Crotch?
295
00:36:33,800 --> 00:36:36,917
Did you notice anything about
Max and Joanne?
296
00:36:37,080 --> 00:36:40,675
Apart from him fucking her blind, no.
What d'you mean?
297
00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:43,718
You think he's cheating on you?
- I only asked.
298
00:36:46,240 --> 00:36:48,549
He's always rehearsing.
299
00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:53,669
You haven't caught him switch-bitching?
300
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:55,990
Never felt the urge?
301
00:36:57,120 --> 00:36:58,997
With Max?
302
00:37:01,120 --> 00:37:02,997
Oh God, a pass...
303
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:15,751
Very good. Now get lost.
304
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:34,193
Yes, we just happen to be wonderful.
305
00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:53,678
Crotch and I are inseparable,
but she had classes uptown...
306
00:38:53,840 --> 00:38:57,037
...so I could focus on
more important things.
307
00:40:11,560 --> 00:40:15,155
Also present, is Romeo's girlfriend.
How do you feel?
308
00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:23,235
A good way to ruin my career!
309
00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:26,119
Did I see an erection?
- My future's at stake!
310
00:40:26,320 --> 00:40:27,639
I saw it.
- It wasn't me!
311
00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:29,279
Who was it?
- Romeo.
312
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:33,353
So Romeo had an erection?!
- Yes. If you cared about my work...
313
00:40:33,520 --> 00:40:37,832
...you'd know that my body
is my tool. It's all I have!
314
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:53,390
Why didn't you just tell me
what you were up to?
315
00:40:53,560 --> 00:40:55,596
I wanted to...
316
00:40:55,760 --> 00:41:00,788
...but Reginald said it'd be more
shocking and exciting if I didn't.
317
00:41:02,320 --> 00:41:07,235
So you fingered her pussy
just to shock and excite me?
318
00:41:08,080 --> 00:41:09,593
Yes.
319
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:13,478
I really don't understand this world.
320
00:41:14,520 --> 00:41:16,112
It's all fiction...
321
00:41:17,280 --> 00:41:18,793
Fiction...
322
00:41:18,960 --> 00:41:20,837
Nothing but fiction.
323
00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:24,510
What do you make of this?
324
00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:32,873
Quarrelling is nice, but so is making up.
325
00:41:34,280 --> 00:41:37,955
Amazing, it still works.
Or is that fiction too?
326
00:41:44,080 --> 00:41:45,593
Phileine...
327
00:41:48,600 --> 00:41:52,354
Can't I blow your peace-pipe?
- I'm a bit fed up with sex.
328
00:41:53,400 --> 00:41:55,630
Can't we just have a cuddle?
329
00:41:59,320 --> 00:42:03,359
Suddenly the word cuddle
doesn't sound so dumb.
330
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:09,511
I'm glad you took it so well in the end.
- Me too...
331
00:42:09,680 --> 00:42:13,229
I'll feel a lot better tomorrow
knowing you've accepted it.
332
00:42:13,400 --> 00:42:14,753
Tomorrow?
333
00:42:15,600 --> 00:42:17,238
Yes. At the première.
334
00:42:18,240 --> 00:42:19,719
Of what?
335
00:42:20,560 --> 00:42:22,039
Didn't I tell you?
336
00:42:23,720 --> 00:42:25,073
No.
337
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:29,836
Tomorrow's the première.
338
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:33,959
We open the Shakespeare Festival.
Everyone's coming.
339
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:41,074
I thought I told you.
- No, Max.
340
00:42:41,240 --> 00:42:42,912
You didn't tell me!
341
00:42:46,720 --> 00:42:48,073
Sorry...
342
00:42:48,520 --> 00:42:50,988
As I said, feelings are never hypocritical.
343
00:42:52,200 --> 00:42:56,512
Phileine, how should I put it.
She was a She Devil.
344
00:42:56,600 --> 00:42:59,114
A ravishing chick.
345
00:43:01,360 --> 00:43:06,388
I remember she punched her former
boyfriend Max on the nose in New York.
346
00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:08,118
Phileine was like that.
347
00:43:10,680 --> 00:43:14,389
She was so upset,
she punched me on the nose.
348
00:43:14,880 --> 00:43:16,233
Bulls eye!
349
00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:21,155
I never understood the relationship
between Phileine and Max.
350
00:43:22,000 --> 00:43:25,595
In the hospital, they used tampons
to stop the bleeding.
351
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:29,878
Basically
Phileine was her own worst enemy.
352
00:43:30,040 --> 00:43:32,474
She was hard on herself.
353
00:43:32,640 --> 00:43:35,518
We made up in the hospital room.
354
00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:39,798
She said, while the doctor was at work: -
355
00:43:40,160 --> 00:43:42,958
'Max, life is a nose...
356
00:43:43,120 --> 00:43:46,271
'You have to squeeze out all you can.'
357
00:43:46,440 --> 00:43:48,476
That gave us the giggles.
358
00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:54,032
Phileine was the funniest
girlfriend I ever had.
359
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:56,991
At least, she thought so.
360
00:44:01,880 --> 00:44:03,393
She thought so?
361
00:44:10,280 --> 00:44:12,157
How's your nose?
362
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:27,790
Shouldn't you say something?
- What?
363
00:44:27,960 --> 00:44:30,269
How about Sorry?
364
00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:34,115
Sorry I hit you so hard
you can't perform tonight.
365
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:41,197
You never say Sorry, do you?
Never admit your mistake.
366
00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:43,635
It's always someone else.
367
00:44:44,840 --> 00:44:49,152
I've had enough of you.
- Impossible. I never gave you anything!
368
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:51,879
Give me my coat.
369
00:44:52,040 --> 00:44:56,795
Sit down. Come on.
- No! I can't be late for Reginald.
370
00:44:56,960 --> 00:45:00,157
We were so bad,
we have a penal rehearsal.
371
00:45:00,320 --> 00:45:03,118
We didn't go far enough.
- Not far enough?!
372
00:45:03,280 --> 00:45:05,919
Because you upset Joanne so much.
- Good!
373
00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:08,753
She's so insecure!
- It's her boring tits!
374
00:45:08,920 --> 00:45:10,672
Shut up!
375
00:45:12,400 --> 00:45:15,278
I've no sympathy for your soulmate.
376
00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:23,399
Phileine thinks she can
get away with anything!
377
00:45:23,560 --> 00:45:25,198
Kiss!
378
00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:32,997
Where have you been?
379
00:46:04,520 --> 00:46:06,511
Jules isn't a man, is she?
380
00:46:55,840 --> 00:46:57,796
Hello.
- Isn't Lala here?
381
00:46:57,960 --> 00:46:59,871
She's having a shower.
382
00:47:02,360 --> 00:47:04,351
In the hall.
383
00:47:07,800 --> 00:47:11,110
Very quaint, a slum hotel.
384
00:47:38,080 --> 00:47:40,355
How did you like the rehearsal?
385
00:47:41,400 --> 00:47:44,551
Must be difficult shooting all those dicks?
386
00:47:47,920 --> 00:47:50,957
We don't have to talk, Phileine.
387
00:47:54,280 --> 00:47:56,555
Darling.
- Sperm Bag!
388
00:47:58,880 --> 00:48:01,110
What brought you here?
389
00:48:01,280 --> 00:48:04,750
A taxi. I was talking to Christian
and wondered...
390
00:48:04,920 --> 00:48:07,798
...why he wasn't at
today's penal rehearsal.
391
00:48:07,960 --> 00:48:12,351
Reginald and I weren't impressed.
- Why didn't you tell me?
392
00:48:12,520 --> 00:48:14,988
You didn't want to talk, Christian!
393
00:48:15,160 --> 00:48:17,515
Sorry, sugar. I have to go.
394
00:48:21,360 --> 00:48:23,510
Shall we go out for dinner?
395
00:48:23,680 --> 00:48:26,478
Or we'll have nothing to puke
at the première.
396
00:48:26,640 --> 00:48:29,438
I don't know. We have to cut back.
397
00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:31,079
Yes, so I see.
398
00:48:32,080 --> 00:48:35,675
We hope to buy an apartment together.
399
00:48:38,760 --> 00:48:44,437
After three months you're tying the knot
with this quasi-artistic Christian?
400
00:48:44,600 --> 00:48:47,398
...I'd say,
if I didn't know I shouldn't.
401
00:48:48,280 --> 00:48:50,157
Nice...
402
00:48:51,120 --> 00:48:53,076
Why are you here?
403
00:48:54,120 --> 00:48:57,874
I suddenly realised
we haven't seen each other that much.
404
00:48:58,920 --> 00:49:02,117
I see you in New York
more often than in Utrecht.
405
00:49:02,280 --> 00:49:06,398
I wanted to get to know Christian a bit.
That took time.
406
00:49:08,800 --> 00:49:11,792
Now that you know him a bit...
407
00:49:11,960 --> 00:49:15,669
...can we spend some time together?
408
00:49:15,840 --> 00:49:17,910
I miss you...
409
00:49:20,120 --> 00:49:21,792
...a bit.
410
00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:30,391
You know, Phileine...
411
00:49:34,560 --> 00:49:37,950
Friendship is a bond but...
412
00:49:38,120 --> 00:49:41,271
...love is a bond too.
413
00:49:42,320 --> 00:49:46,871
Genetically, I can only maintain
one bond at the time and...
414
00:49:50,520 --> 00:49:52,954
...love is a stronger bond.
415
00:50:18,160 --> 00:50:20,993
Lesson one: Never show your feelings.
416
00:50:50,520 --> 00:50:52,556
There's always something.
417
00:50:59,320 --> 00:51:02,118
I feel like cuddling this rhesus monkey.
418
00:51:46,200 --> 00:51:49,829
Fortunately there's always
the Flemish party bitch...
419
00:51:50,800 --> 00:51:52,279
...the Crotch!
420
00:52:04,800 --> 00:52:06,552
How do you suck cock?
421
00:52:07,600 --> 00:52:11,513
Do you rotate your tongue?
- I think so.
422
00:52:11,680 --> 00:52:13,318
Not a good idea.
423
00:52:14,160 --> 00:52:16,720
I was giving a guy head...
424
00:52:16,880 --> 00:52:19,030
...and then I decided to go mad.
425
00:52:19,200 --> 00:52:22,954
I spun my tongue on his dick,
sure he'd love it.
426
00:52:23,120 --> 00:52:26,749
But he asked what on earth I was doing.
427
00:52:26,920 --> 00:52:28,751
I said: I'm sucking you!
428
00:52:28,920 --> 00:52:33,311
He said the essence of fellatio
was making the mouth like a twat...
429
00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:36,790
Twat?
- Pussy. Does a pussy have a tongue?
430
00:52:36,960 --> 00:52:38,678
No.
- No.
431
00:52:38,840 --> 00:52:40,353
Damn. You have a point.
432
00:52:40,520 --> 00:52:43,637
So all a girl has to say
is the word 'holy'...
433
00:52:43,800 --> 00:52:49,352
...and then press her tongue and palate
against his dick and move up and down.
434
00:52:51,040 --> 00:52:53,349
Holy.
- No...
435
00:52:54,680 --> 00:52:57,399
Ho-ly.
- Holy...
436
00:53:01,920 --> 00:53:04,070
Shit!
- Fuck. Or Suck?
437
00:53:08,040 --> 00:53:11,510
I banged Suck last night.
438
00:53:11,680 --> 00:53:13,910
My vagina is aggressively active.
439
00:53:14,080 --> 00:53:16,310
You can say that again!
440
00:53:22,280 --> 00:53:24,316
Fuck a duck. What a twat.
441
00:53:24,480 --> 00:53:28,029
He has to show his friends
he bonked me. Show off!
442
00:53:28,200 --> 00:53:31,158
Anyway, he asked for it.
443
00:54:16,240 --> 00:54:18,959
Lesson one: never reveal your intentions!
444
00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:30,519
Great! Rejected by civilisation!
445
00:54:30,680 --> 00:54:33,558
Just like two bag ladies!
But more attractive!
446
00:54:33,720 --> 00:54:36,951
Where were we?
- Playing Holy with the Moly.
447
00:54:37,120 --> 00:54:38,872
And don't forget it.
448
00:54:41,120 --> 00:54:43,680
What's this?
- Off to the première.
449
00:55:18,320 --> 00:55:21,676
When I go to theatre,
I remember why I hate people.
450
00:55:44,320 --> 00:55:46,595
Joanne, the terrible Bearded Clam?
451
00:55:48,800 --> 00:55:51,439
...of her blow jobs, 'cos she can't act.
452
00:55:54,280 --> 00:55:57,670
This is a good moment to take
a break for our sponsor.
453
00:55:58,120 --> 00:56:03,990
(The Author:) Usually the novel's better
than the film, but this time...
454
00:56:04,160 --> 00:56:06,355
...the film's much better!
455
00:56:08,120 --> 00:56:09,473
Thanks, Ronald.
456
00:56:10,240 --> 00:56:13,118
Does LT have anything important to say?
457
00:56:23,360 --> 00:56:27,876
Some people do anything
to show off their social ignorance.
458
00:57:36,800 --> 00:57:39,553
Feelings are never hypocritical.
459
00:58:41,280 --> 00:58:43,475
I'll hold you down!
460
00:58:52,000 --> 00:58:53,911
Don't you have any lines?
461
00:59:42,880 --> 00:59:44,598
That's quite enough!
462
00:59:44,760 --> 00:59:47,832
That's enough, you telescopic twit.
463
00:59:48,000 --> 00:59:51,595
You think you can get away with anything!
You thought: -
464
00:59:51,760 --> 00:59:55,639
I'll fuck her! I'll act that I'm fucking her!
465
00:59:55,800 --> 00:59:58,633
Is that which you thought? Forget it, flab.
466
01:00:06,280 --> 01:00:09,317
Have you gone crazy?
Sit down, you silly cow.
467
01:00:12,720 --> 01:00:16,269
It's a play. I just explained.
You look foolish.
468
01:00:31,240 --> 01:00:32,798
You ruin everything!
469
01:00:35,680 --> 01:00:37,238
I'll never forgive you.
470
01:00:53,880 --> 01:00:56,917
I can't take any more
of your pseudo-artistic sex crap!
471
01:00:57,080 --> 01:00:59,275
What you're doing is terrible!
472
01:01:00,320 --> 01:01:03,357
If you think you can get away with...
473
01:01:10,360 --> 01:01:15,036
I won't sit down out there, Max.
Come with me and we'll forget it...
474
01:01:15,200 --> 01:01:18,670
...or play your role and
you'll never see me again.
475
01:01:22,360 --> 01:01:24,999
I mean it, Max.
Now!
476
01:01:33,520 --> 01:01:35,511
He'll come. Wanna bet?
477
01:01:35,680 --> 01:01:38,035
Maybe he can't find his underwear?
478
01:01:44,600 --> 01:01:47,637
Shit!
Okay, he asked for it.
479
01:02:28,160 --> 01:02:30,071
Come with me.
480
01:02:48,640 --> 01:02:50,596
If you do it, do it right!
481
01:03:11,360 --> 01:03:15,831
The Manhattan Waterfront is more
breathtaking than Dutch dikes.
482
01:03:15,920 --> 01:03:18,388
And his hair is improving.
483
01:03:35,880 --> 01:03:37,757
Thank goodness for that.
484
01:07:00,440 --> 01:07:05,230
Says the girl who used to fuck
one guy after another.
485
01:07:58,000 --> 01:08:00,673
Can't these guys stop crying?
486
01:08:05,680 --> 01:08:07,318
I'm on to you, buddy.
487
01:08:09,320 --> 01:08:10,912
No way, flab.
488
01:08:31,760 --> 01:08:33,910
Why don't people like me?
489
01:11:34,560 --> 01:11:37,358
It's the loneliness, Mom, the emptiness.
490
01:11:37,520 --> 01:11:40,478
It's the chatter and gossip...
491
01:11:40,640 --> 01:11:47,910
...and we bob along from crap to
useless, via twisted to conceited...
492
01:11:48,720 --> 01:11:50,472
...and vice versa.
493
01:11:50,640 --> 01:11:53,359
Why did I lose Max?
494
01:11:53,520 --> 01:11:55,397
Why do things pass by?
495
01:12:02,840 --> 01:12:07,436
It's Lottie, in Phileine's house.
- It's Phileine, in Mrs Waldorf's house.
496
01:12:07,600 --> 01:12:10,239
Soiling my sheets
with your sneaky fuckers?
497
01:12:10,400 --> 01:12:13,039
If you phoned to insult me...
498
01:12:13,200 --> 01:12:16,636
I fucked up, Mom.
- That's nice.
499
01:12:16,800 --> 01:12:19,633
Not fucked, fucked up!
500
01:12:20,480 --> 01:12:22,994
Max wasn't that special.
501
01:12:24,280 --> 01:12:28,034
Are you really at the Waldorf?
- Yes.
502
01:12:28,200 --> 01:12:31,510
How can you afford it?
What did you have to do?
503
01:12:31,680 --> 01:12:35,036
I said Max was history
and you talk money?
504
01:12:35,200 --> 01:12:39,591
I just wondered how you could afford
such an expensive hotel room?
505
01:12:39,760 --> 01:12:42,718
I made a big mistake, Mom.
- Oh no...
506
01:12:43,880 --> 01:12:45,632
What did you do?
507
01:12:45,800 --> 01:12:48,234
I listened to you too much.
508
01:13:19,600 --> 01:13:23,832
You're a baffled baboon
and I'm finished with you.
509
01:13:24,000 --> 01:13:25,877
I don't believe you.
510
01:13:31,360 --> 01:13:34,432
Come on. I want to talk to you.
- Go ahead...
511
01:13:34,600 --> 01:13:39,435
Not here. This is fake.
- You're an actor. You love fake.
512
01:13:41,120 --> 01:13:44,157
Okay, you asked for it.
513
01:13:45,000 --> 01:13:46,797
Max, let go!
514
01:13:46,960 --> 01:13:48,632
Put me down!
515
01:13:48,800 --> 01:13:50,836
Christ, Max! Down!
516
01:13:51,000 --> 01:13:53,275
Heyleggobastardmax!
517
01:13:56,200 --> 01:13:57,679
Put me down!
518
01:14:00,440 --> 01:14:02,556
What are you up to?
519
01:14:02,720 --> 01:14:05,359
Can't you see? I'm taking you with me.
520
01:14:06,480 --> 01:14:08,869
I've had enough. Keep quiet...
521
01:14:09,040 --> 01:14:12,635
...we'll forget what happened
and all's back to normal.
522
01:14:12,800 --> 01:14:16,475
I was stupid to be so secretive.
I should have warned you.
523
01:14:16,640 --> 01:14:19,712
Next time I'll just invite you...
524
01:14:19,880 --> 01:14:22,633
...so you can say you don't like theatre...
525
01:14:22,800 --> 01:14:26,634
...and you don't want to come.
Enough is enough!
526
01:16:02,360 --> 01:16:04,351
It's for you.
527
01:16:09,920 --> 01:16:12,514
But first tell me...
528
01:16:16,360 --> 01:16:18,191
Love you too?
529
01:16:22,200 --> 01:16:25,556
You're brains, beauty, beast, best too?
530
01:16:25,720 --> 01:16:27,756
You have something to say?
531
01:16:32,440 --> 01:16:33,873
- No!
532
01:16:36,480 --> 01:16:38,277
Are you sure?
533
01:16:39,320 --> 01:16:41,675
What should I tell you?
534
01:16:45,040 --> 01:16:48,396
You're sure?
- What?
535
01:16:52,560 --> 01:16:53,913
What?
536
01:16:57,640 --> 01:17:00,473
At least I gave you a chance!
537
01:17:03,120 --> 01:17:06,954
Max? Come on.
- Get lost, Phileine.
538
01:17:07,120 --> 01:17:10,078
Go back to Utrecht!
539
01:18:44,840 --> 01:18:46,432
Cocksucker!
540
01:18:46,600 --> 01:18:49,194
Christ, all the men are gay!
541
01:18:50,960 --> 01:18:55,476
Weren't you going home today?
- Christian went home. I didn't.
542
01:18:55,640 --> 01:19:01,237
And you know what? I'm happy.
I'm happy to be myself again.
543
01:19:01,400 --> 01:19:05,439
So happy... But I need a drink.
544
01:19:07,480 --> 01:19:09,198
Where's Max?
545
01:19:38,280 --> 01:19:39,952
What d'you want?
546
01:19:43,040 --> 01:19:45,156
I should feel sorry for you?
547
01:19:46,400 --> 01:19:49,756
I'm here, aren't I? Isn't that enough?
548
01:19:50,600 --> 01:19:53,672
No, it's not enough.
549
01:19:53,840 --> 01:19:56,673
Since you came,
you've only been trouble.
550
01:20:36,280 --> 01:20:38,748
You mean that excavated mummy?
551
01:20:46,280 --> 01:20:49,716
What's he got?
- A cold, that's all...
552
01:20:55,280 --> 01:20:57,794
Crotch, does Leonard have AIDS?
553
01:21:02,960 --> 01:21:05,997
These things happen. Life sucks.
554
01:21:06,160 --> 01:21:07,832
What else is new?
555
01:21:08,160 --> 01:21:13,837
You're a real bitch, a hard,
insensitive, selfish ultra-bitch.
556
01:21:16,760 --> 01:21:18,557
You know what I wonder?
557
01:21:18,720 --> 01:21:22,269
What kind of parents call a girl Crotch?
558
01:21:22,440 --> 01:21:24,795
I'd really love to meet them.
559
01:21:24,960 --> 01:21:27,872
Phileine, don't be so melodramatic!
560
01:22:48,720 --> 01:22:52,793
Stay here, Romeo.
- We're not done with you.
561
01:22:53,440 --> 01:22:58,992
Max, can you hear me?
I've been a cynical, insensitive bitch.
562
01:22:59,160 --> 01:23:00,593
I want to say it!
563
01:23:00,760 --> 01:23:02,478
Hey Phileine!
- Never mind!
564
01:23:02,640 --> 01:23:04,710
Can you hear me Max?
565
01:23:08,520 --> 01:23:10,033
It's only Phileine!
566
01:23:10,200 --> 01:23:13,636
Sorry, Max. Sorry!
567
01:23:28,880 --> 01:23:31,075
I said Sorry, Max. You heard?
568
01:23:33,520 --> 01:23:34,999
Sorry...
569
01:23:36,520 --> 01:23:38,431
What did you say?
- Sorry.
570
01:23:43,760 --> 01:23:45,512
Sorry for Living.
571
01:24:18,320 --> 01:24:19,958
Love you too!
572
01:25:35,240 --> 01:25:37,231
Did you say Sorry, Phileine?
573
01:25:39,400 --> 01:25:40,799
You crazy bitch!
574
01:29:42,200 --> 01:29:46,079
Subtitles: Martin Cleaver
42810
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