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Zulu
Deliria: So then after that confusion,
your father decided it would behoove him
to figure out a way to give a nonsexual hug.
Hippocampus: Is that why he keeps touching me with his fingertips?
[Laughter] Stupendous: Where is Shlub, anyway?
Hippocampus: The last time I saw him, he was
playing dice with an ogre.
Stupendous: The last time I saw him, he was
dangling from a tree with his
coat pockets turned out
saying he didn't have any money,
but he obviously had enough
money to buy that coat.
Tyrannis: The last time I saw him, he was
passed out in a corner,
probably from drinking red wine
and warm milk all afternoon.
What does he call that?
Hippocampus: A Hotbelly Naptime!
[Laughter]
Stupendous: Which corner was he passed out in?
Tyrannis: The one with the big vase.
Stupendous: Oh, yeah. That's a good corner.
Deliria: That's odd. The last time I saw him
passed out in a corner, it was
the one with the big vase.
But that was ages ago.
Hippocampus: This didn't seem like a problem to either of you?
Tyrannis: He did not look like this when I saw him.
Deliria: Nor I. And you know your father.
He is a good sleeper.
He snoozed right on through Pangea splitting up.
Shlub: One of you, come here and give your old man a hug.
I'll save my sexual embrace for you, my love.
[Coughing]
[Theme music playing]
?
?
? Ooh!
Stupendous: Hippo, what's wrong with him?
Hippocampus: I can't be sure just yet.
His body's ecosystem is far more complex than most.
Tyrannis: He's looking better already.
I'm sure it's nothing too serious.
Remember when he was passing that furball?
He looked a lot worse then. Shlub: Aah!
Hippocampus: I think it's his lionheart.
Tyrannis: His lionheart? Shlub: The heart of
my Manticore part.
Hippocampus: Dad needs medical attention
and I mean serious tinkering.
He is really sick.
[Ty sighs] Stupendous: So what do we do?
Tyrannis: I don't think we need to do anything
but let him sleep it off.
He's obviously going to be OK. He always is.
Deliria: Can you fix him? Hippocampus: I can try.
Stupendous: No offense, Hippo, but isn't it time
someone brought up the goddess in the room here?
Deliria: What about me? Stupendous: If Dad's really sick,
can't you do a little zap, zap, make him better?
Deliria: It's not as simple as that.
Stupendous: It was as simple as that when your
favorite seal had that cough.
Deliria: When Shlub and I married, I promised
I would never use my powers on him.
Stupendous: And you don't think he'd want you
to make an exception here?
Deliria: No! And besides, I'm too upset.
when I'm upset, my powers--
Tyrannis: Suddenly don't exist?
If he was really sick, which he's not,
I would do anything for Dad. But he's not that sick.
Stupendous: What are you doing?
Shlub: Flying...to my ancestral homeland...
to curl up under a bush
and hope that death takes the form
of a nice, busty tar pit.
Deliria: Shlub, no! You can't mean that.
We have lunch later.
Hippocampus: He's got a case of the sick crazies.
He doesn't know what he's saying.
We gotta get him into a lab.
My lab. The lab.
Tyrannis: So your plan is to blow him up?
Sounds like it might do a little bit more harm than good, don't you think?
Hippocampus: You're not getting it. This bad boy reduce--
Tyrannis: This isn't a bad boy. This is a death machine.
Deliria: Just let him explain, Ty.
Hippocampus: This big ol' blastin' bad boy
reduces anything to its binary essences.
Stupendous: Uh, in language, please?
Hippocampus: Dad's a mantitaur, right?
So he's part centaur, part manticore.
And a manticore is a man, scorpion, lion, and eagle.
I identify the sick element,
treat it, and I zap him back together.
I built in a "reverse-zapper." Pretty cool.
Hit that and it puts the parts back together and Dad is saved.
Stupendous: Are you sure this Dad-splitter will work?
Hippocampus: Why don't you ask this ailouromus.
Part cat, part mouse. And...
There you have it. [Cat meows]
[Mouse squeaks] [Cat slurps]
Hippocampus: Ignore that part. Deliria: I'm not sure I can.
Hippocampus: Well, does anyone else have a better idea?
Tyrannis: Yes. Mom, fix Dad. Deliria: I told you I can't.
Tyrannis: Well, can! I mean, be able to!
If you can't, can't you just...can?
[Shlub wheezing]
Stupendous: I don't think we got a lot of time here.
Deliria: Hippo, just do it. I trust you.
Blow him up. I can't watch this.
Hippocampus: It worked! I give you
Centaur Shlub and Manticore Shlub!
Stupendous: And they're both Shlub? Hippocampus: Well...
Centaur: What is "Shlub"?
Manticore: I think it's a sound.
Like "pfft" or [blows raspberry].
Tyrannis: Neither of them is Shlub? That seems wrong.
Hippocampus: They're not supposed to be.
They're his centaur
and manticore essences.
Huh?
Hold on.
Tyrannis: That's a dragon. I thought the wings were from an eagle.
Dragon: Eagle. Pfft. Man: Pfft.
Centaur: Shlub. [Lion wheezes]
Hippocampus: Just as I suspected. It's his lion.
Stupendous: Can you make it better?
Hippocampus: It's too far gone.
Our only option is to replace
his lion with a healthy one.
You're the obvious choice. Let's split you up,
take out your presumably healthy lion, slap you back together again.
Tyrannis: I'm sorry. Did you say my healthy lion?
Hippocampus: Yeah. You're part Dad and part Mom.
So you're also a manticore,
which means you're a lion, bro.
Tyrannis: Now hold on just a-- thank you.
But if having a sick lion is doing this to Dad,
won't having no lion really screw me up?
Hippocampus: You should be fine. Tyrannis: If I should be fine,
why don't we split you up and use your lion?
Hippocampus: I would do it, but I'm the only guy here
who knows the technology.
Stupendous: I'm not part lion. Wish I was.
Tyrannis: Let's take a step back for a second.
Have we considered soup?
Stupendous: I think you're just scared.
Tyrannis: Of course I'm scared! I mean,
how safe even is this thing?
Hippocampus: Aah!
[Atlantean gasping]
Tyrannis: Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no.
Stupendous: What did you do? Tyrannis: It was a mistake.
Who knew such a delicate piece of machinery
would be so slippery?
There you go, bro.
Atlantean: I'm not your bro.
And you don't know what you're doing.
I can tell from your stupid face.
Stupendous: What is this guy?
Tyrannis: An Atlantean, from the looks of it.
Pretty unpleasant for no reason.
Stupendous: Yeah, he definitely
doesn't have Hippo's charm.
Atlantean: That's because I'm not Hippo,
you pinheads. I'm my own thing.
Deliria: Is he better yet? [Gasps]
Oh, no! Where's Hippo?
And which one of you is my Shlub?
Dragon: Well, we know which lion is Shlub's.
[Lion wheezing]
Dragon: I'm sorry. That was rude.
Deliria: Ty, what have you done?
Tyrannis: What have I done? What have you done?
I'm actually working to save Dad.
I was about to give him my lion.
Stupendous: "About to" is for
horseshoe crabs and pomegranates.
It's an expression!
Tyrannis: So are you going to step in?
Deliria: No, I'm--I'm--I'm busy. But you must fix this.
Tyrannis: You heard the lady. I'm in charge here now,
and I'm gonna save Dad. [Atlantean laughs]
Tyrannis: Oh, you think I can't? Well, guess what?
I'm gonna--whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa!
[Cat meows] [Dog barks]
Tyrannis: Damn my commitment to moisturizing!
Tyrannis: We'll need to keep the Shlub essences
and the Hippo essences together,
because I don't know what happens if they get mixed up.
Stupendous: You know who would probably
know what happens? Tyrannis and Stupendous: Hippo.
Tyrannis: Yeah, I get it. I hate to pull rank here,
but Dad is my actual dad.
He's just your stepdad,
so please just go along with my plan.
Stupendous: Are you sure you didn't make all this happen
so you could be in charge? Atlantean: I think he did.
Tyrannis: You're an essence. You don't know me.
I'm the king, so I'm always in charge.
You know, in general. I promise you, Stupe,
this wasn't the plan, but it is what it is.
Centaur: It's called turning a whoopsie-daisy
into an oops-urtunity.
Tyrannis: Do you all have personalities?
Because that will be a lot to keep track of.
Man: Humans are, like, a newer thing in the world,
so I think I'm still finding mine.
Dragon: And scorpions don't talk,
though they communicate somehow.
Maybe through smells.
Dragons are know-it-alls.
Stupendous: Are any of you Dad-parts,
like, really horny?
Wow. Trippy. Tyrannis: You know what?
This is gonna get very confusing.
We need to be smart about this.
You want to help, you can keep track of them with these.
Stupendous: This is a good use of my time and talents.
Tyrannis: Now I will carefully blow up Hippo's mantitaur.
Mantitaur: Wait, wait!
Tyrannis: Are we ready? Manticore: Is "we" just me? Aah!
Deliria: Let's see. We've got the fire,
the swirly stick, a fork you can comb your hair with.
Where's the thing? Oh! Kolax: Deliria,
what are you doing in the kitchen?
Deliria: My husband isn't feeling well, and I want to
surprise him with something special.
Kolax: Do you need help?
Deliria: Of course not. I'm a goddess.
I know how to make...lunch.
Kolax: OK, well, what's for...lunch?
Deliria: Something he had in a dream.
It's a party for the mouth.
And complicated, yet simple.
And that it came in a dish.
That's all I know. That, and that he loves it
and that I want to make it for him. He woke up salivating.
Kolax: OK, so maybe it's a dry kind of food?
Deliria: Oh, I know he loves dry food,
especially when it gets wet
and then dry again, like lasagna.
Kolax: So...lasagna?
Deliria: If you're going to help me, you need to be serious.
Kolax: I'm serious. We're going to
figure this out together. You and me.
A servant and a goddess.
Deliria: Don't do that.
Tyrannis: It's OK, everyone. It's OK.
I'm not here to hurt you.
I'm here to make you better.
There's nothing to be afraid of.
Centaur: It's a weird experience, having
the essences I've shared a body with split like this.
Like I'm feeling a breeze
that's blowing in a different city.
Centaur 2: Right on. Man: But we're not supposed
to be here, man.
We're not supposed to exist!
Centaur: But if you think about it, is anything
supposed to exist?
Dragon: Nerd! Dragon 2: Nerd.
Man: Don't worry. I'm scared, too.
We should probably stick together.
Tyrannis: No, you shouldn't. Everyone stay sorted
until we-- Stupendous: Done with the ribbons!
Unless you want me to put the blue ones on, too.
Tyrannis: Of course. Of course. Well,
that's a later this afternoon problem.
I just need the--yes!
That's a healthy, little lion guy.
Now, let's get to swapping.
[Atlantean laughing]
Tyrannis: W-Why? What have you done? Why would you do that?
Atlantean: Maybe I'm protective of my fellow essence.
Maybe I wanted to punish you.
Maybe I have no impulse control.
Dealer's choice!
[Laughing] Hey!
Stupendous: I'm doing this for Hippo. He'd get it.
Tyrannis: Well, that's just great. Now we don't have
a healthy lion we can use.
Dragon: Sure we do. It's in you.
Tyrannis: Can you please stay out of this?
Stupendous: Ty, that's part of Dad.
You can't be mad at Dad. He's sick.
Tyrannis: I know he's sick. That's why we need another lion.
Stupendous: Well, you didn't seem to know he was sick before.
Now, Hippo might know what to do.
Tyrannis: We don't have time to put Hippo back together.
We don't even know which things are him.
Dragon: I bet we could figure it out.
Tyrannis: No. You know what?
No more splitting up this family.
At least not on purpose. Starting now.
Stupendous: If you say so.
Tyrannis: I've been thinking about this all wrong.
Atlantean: You think? Ha!
Tyrannis: We need another mantitaur.
The only other mantitaur.
Bring me Paizo.
Paizo: What is the meaning of this?
I demand to know.
Great polymorphous perversity, Shlub, man.
What have you gotten into?
Tyrannis: Paizo! Great to see you.
Now, just so I've done my due diligence here,
would you confirm for me that you're a mantitaur
exactly like my father Shlub?
Paizo: Obviously. In fact, I'm third generation.
I'm very proud of being a mantitaur.
I couldn't imagine living any other way.
Dragon: Did he say third generation?
Tyrannis: Here we go. Maximum power.
Stupendous: Whoa. There's so many of them.
Dragon: Hmm. I guess that makes sense.
Tyrannis: I did it. We have all the lions
we could ever want to smoosh into Dad.
We can throw one in for Hippo, too!
[Voices talking at once]
Lion: Thinking what I'm thinking?
[Voices talking at once]
Man: It didn't even occur to me to try to escape.
[Panting] Uhh! Tyrannis: No!
If you leave, you can never recombine
exactly as you were before!
Stay where you are! How is it so hard to replace
a sick lion essence in a mantitaur?
Red dragon: Hey, guys. Dragons: Hey.
Kolax: OK, we've already tried crunchy, sweet,
hard, round, plump, and juicy.
Does any of this seem right?
Deliria: Yes, but there might have been one more.
Salt! That was it. Wait.
Never mind. That was a sex thing.
But I wouldn't rule it out for food, too.
Stupendous: What's happening in here?
Deliria: We're making lunch!
Kolax: And we're getting close!
Deliria: I heard Paizo getting dragged in
against his will earlier.
Does that mean Shlub is better?
Stupendous: Um, no, not yet,
but we're working on it.
I was just wondering if maybe,
you know, you've reconsidered
trying to use your powers.
Deliria: Can't you see that I'm busy?
And this kitchen was so disorganized.
I mean, who needs so many mugs?
Stupendous: You can put anything in a mug.
Deliria: Not this lunch, you can't.
No, no, this lunch
goes in a dish
and it's cold, wet, chunky, dry,
and it all works in perfect harmony.
Kolax: Here. Try this.
Deliria: We're getting close.
Try all the same things
together, but don't stir.
Kolax: Don't stir? Are you sure?
Deliria: Am I sure? Yes, I'm sure.
Pile all the stuff on top of each other one by one.
Stupendous: I know this is important,
but things are really bad in there.
Deliria: Please, let me do this cheese!
[Crying]
Tyrannis: Where did you go? Stupendous: After the Paizo thing,
I just thought I'd ask Mom if maybe--
Tyrannis: Why? She's already made it clear
that she won't help. I'm the only hope.
Stupendous: Right. So on the battlefield,
we have a special word for this: a mess.
But, Mom, she's-- she's acting really weird.
Tyrannis: She's acting selfish and dramatic
and utterly unhelpful.
That's not weird at all. That's Mom.
Stupendous: I don't know. It's a little different this time.
She's, like, making things
with her hands. In the kitchen.
Tyrannis: Unbelievable. If I were a god, I'd fix Dad right away.
Stupendous: Me, too. Sucks only being half a god.
Tyrannis: Wait a minute. That's right.
I'm half Mom. If I split myself,
the god side of me can do what
Mom has been refusing to do.
Then I can save Dad and probably
clean all this up real fast, too.
Stupendous: You really think that'll work?
Tyrannis: We've gotta try. Now: explode me.
Stupendous: Finally.
God Ty: Bring me Shlub's lion.
Seriously? [Laughter]
One of you dragons, check to see if it's getting any better.
Dragon: It's hard to tell with all the flowers in the way.
[Laughter]
Stupendous: Dad would have loved this.
[Lion wheezing]
Dragon: It died. Our lion part died.
Centaur: What does this mean for Foon-Foon?
I've decided to call myself Foon-Foon.
Man: Game over, man! Game over!
[Crying]
Dragon: All right, where are my guys?
Might as well smoosh back up and see what happens.
Atlantean: Oh, no, I'm not smooshing back up.
I was never planning to smoosh back up.
Dragon: Well, maybe we should explore new combinations.
I think all the dragons together could be pretty cool.
Man: What would that mean for me?
Dragon: I don't know, but don't think you can
start asking us for rides.
Stupendous: What are you doing? I really think
you should give me the zapper.
God Ty: I refuse to believe that there isn't
a powerful god inside me that can fix Dad.
Dragon: OK, now, let's see. I guess that's just
what happens when you split a god?
More of that god?
Stupendous: It's not working. Maybe your god side
is not that strong.
God Ty: But there's progress.
Dragon: Hey, can we get the thingy over here?
God Ty: Not right now. I'm trying something.
Dragon: Great. Let's just try smooshing.
[All grunting]
Dragon: At a certain point, we have to acknowledge
that what we're doing looks a little foolish.
Stupendous: Ty, this is crazy. Just shoot your manticore,
take the lion, and get this over with
so everyone can go back to how they're supposed to be.
Super God Ty: I'm getting there. I was right.
There's a powerful god in me, and it's pretty fun!
Ty God Core: Stupey, look at me!
Stupendous: Stupey? Ty God Core: I am a god.
Stupendous: I see that. So are you gonna save Dad?
Ty God Core: What's that now?
[Dance music playing]
I don't think it's what I meant to do,
but I'm happy it happened.
Stupendous: Ty! Ty God Core: What?
Look at all the puppets dancing.
You know who'd like to see this?
Deliria: My God, Kolax, I think we did it.
Kolax: Who would have believed it would work?
A dip of 7 layers.
Deliria: The cold shredded cheese is so wrong it's right.
Oh, the perverse things that come out of
my beautiful Shlub's mind. Thank you for helping me.
I've just been feeling so helpless.
Which is weird for me. My husband's very ill.
I don't know if he's going to get better.
And I don't think I can save him.
Kolax: So you're saying there's a chance for us?
Deliria: What? What?
Kolax: Misread the signals.
Forget it. Misread the signals.
Deliria: Aah!
[Dance music playing] Put me down.
Ty God Core: Mom, check it out! I'm a god just like you!
Greater than you! A whole other
level of greatness, it seems like!
[Laughs]
Deliria: What is happening with Shlub?
Ty God Core: Hold on, hold on, I've got to do something.
Deliria: No! Not a low pony. Ty, be reasonable!
Ty God Core: No one looks good with a lo-ny.
Ha ha! Oh, Mom, lighten up.
I'm just teasing you. It's funny.
Stupendous: You know how people go mad with power?
Ty's gone stupid with god power.
Deliria: Stop this right now. I am your mother.
Ty God Core: Oh, look at that. Who's the mother now?
Deliria: Ty, you need to stop playing around and let me go.
Ty God Core: Can't risk you zapping me again.
That wasn't very nice. I'm just trying to help here.
Deliria: Well, then at least use your god powers for good.
Ty God Core: I could say the same to you.
Strong bird point. [Birds chirping]
That is fun!
Deliria: It's not that I didn't want to help.
When I'm upset, I can't trust my powers.
I was afraid if I intervened, I might mess it all up
and I'd be the one to kill him, OK?
I thought he'd be in better hands with you children.
Tyrannis: Oh, wow. I think I've had this dream before.
So, um, did I fix Dad?
Stupendous: No! He's actually gotten worse. His lion died.
Deliria: I knew it. I could feel it in my bones.
And now I don't even know what parts of this
puppet show are the rest of him.
I'll never be able to say good-bye.
Tyrannis: Stupe, why aren't you freaking out?
Stupendous: I'm not freaking out because I realized
how I can fix this.
How I can save my dad.
I'm half-god, too, and I think I can help.
Just watch out for the cyclops.
God Stupendous: It's smooshing time.
Cyclops: Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Hippocampus: Yeah.
Shlub: Darling, this is absolutely incredible.
You made this? It's like you
fished it out of my brain's
deepest pleasure center.
Kolax: I helped. Ooh! Deliria: Here,
try it with these.
They don't exist in our world yet.
[Shlub munching]
Mm. Mm-hmm! Ha ha!
Stupendous: So what was it like being all exploded like that?
Shlub: Well, at first I didn't even know
I was having an out-of-body experience.
I thought I was just sleeping.
You know I'm a good sleeper.
I slept through an ice age.
Deliria: And peed for 6 months
straight after he woke up.
Shlub: But this, well, this was different.
I was sliding in and out of awareness--
rhythmically, sensuously, with increasing intensity.
I suppose that's why they call death "the little love."
Hippocampus: Thanks for explaining it all, by the way.
At first I thought some of it didn't make any sense,
but it all did make sense. Every part of it.
Ty: Well, I, for one, am happy that
you're not dead, and I mean that.
Shlub: Why would you not mean it?
Stupendous: I think he means people can act
in surprising ways in an emergency.
Shlub: Did you do something surprising while I was out?
Deliria: Let's just say no and leave it at that.
Tyrannis: And neither did Stupe.
She saved you, you know.
Shlub: Thank you, Stupe. I can always count on my daughter.
Stupendous: It was nothin' you wouldn't have done for me.
Shlub: Now, there's one more thing that happened while I was out.
I couldn't stop thinking about Paizo.
Isn't that odd? I'd love to see him.
Tyrannis: So we can't be sure, but--
Hippocampus: Paizo exploded and there's a not insignificant
chance that he's in both of us right now.
Tyrannis: It got pretty messy, but it all worked out.
Stupendous: Well, not for Paizo.
Shlub: Focus on the positives.
We're all Paizoed up.
Rest in peace, good fellow. Or...
Hippocampus: Rest in pieces. Right. Tyrannis: In pieces.
Shlub: Rest in pieces because...
Tyrannis: It's the pieces of Paizo that-- Hippocampus: We get it, Dad.
Shlub: Good night, sweet prince.
Tyrannis: Oh, wait, Dad, I got a good one.
Now that's... Tyrannis and Shlub: A piece of Paizo.
[Laughter]
Hippocampus: How is that funny?
Centaur: Hello? Is anyone there?
Manticore: Hello? I'm here.
Centaur: Oh, you scared me a little bit.
Manticore: I did? Boo!
[Both laugh] Manticore: I'm just kidding.
Dragon: We just came from Krapopolis,
but I have zero memory of anything before.
Centaur: Me, too! Manticore: You won't believe this,
but me, too.
Centaur: I hope this isn't inappropriate,
but I feel a strong attraction
to all of you. Physically.
It's almost like I've just fallen in love.
Manticore: Me, too. Lion: I've never felt
such an instant attraction like this.
Dragon: So. Should we explore it?
Centaur: I mean, I can't think of a single reason why not.
Manticore: What's a couple if you can be a quadruple?
[Laughter]
Whispering voice: Paizo. Voice: Hey.
Man: Did you get any of that?
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