Original subtitles

PSYCHIATRIST: So Sam, what would you

like to talk about this week?

-You know, they've been tracking Jack

Frost for over three years.

-Now Sam, I thought we agreed last week that we're

going to try and discuss something

other than the Jack Frost incident.

-Across 11 states, 38 deaths.

Jack was nimble.

Jack was quick.

Jack gouged eyes with candlesticks.

He smashed their skulls with sticks and stones,

used iron bars to break their bones.

He hid his kill in tiny places so he

wouldn't have to see their faces.

Until I caught him.

He was tried, convicted, sentenced to die.

And then there was the accident.

[giggling]

-What's that?

-Nothing.

Go on.

-As Jack was traveling to his execution--

-(WHISPERING) Come here. Come here.

SAM: --the vehicle that he was in collided with a tanker.

The tanker contained a secret government genetic acid.

Jack was dissolved into the snow.

[eavesdroppers laughing]

-But you don't believe that Jack Frost died, do you, Sam?

-Oh, no.

No, he didn't die.

He changed.

[eavesdroppers laughing loudly]

-Why don't you tell us-- me-- tell me what he became.

SAM: He became a mutant killer snowman.

[hysterical laughter]

-And then that frost snowman started to take apart my town.

-Please tell us how you finally stopped--

[intercom shuts off]

-Yes, Sam.

Tell us how you finally stopped the mutant killer snowman.

-With antifreeze.

[snorting]

-And what happened to this antifreeze

that this mutant killer snowman was dissolved in?

-We buried it in an unmarked grave.

-And where is this alleged grave?

-I told you before, doctor.

We all swore to secrecy.

-Yes.

So that, and as I told you before,

your delusion remains intact.

-No.

So that the killing stops.

[music playing]

-You sure this is the one?

-Oh, well-- you sure there's a reward?

-Yeah, there's a reward.

-Well then, this here's the one.

This is where they buried that antifreeze.

So, uh, what you fixing on doing with this stuff anyway?

MAN: I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you afterwards.

Then again--

[gunshot]

[music - "merry christmas baby"]

[vacuum cleaner roaring]

[jack frost yawning]

JACK FROST: Mmm, things to do, revenge to take.

Ah.

WOMAN (ON LOUDSPEAKER): The flight zone

is for either loading and unloading of passengers only.

No parking.

[sigh]

-Well, that's it.

They're late.

That's a sign.

We shouldn't be going.

-No, it's a sign that there's traffic, Sam.

A traffic sign.

Get it?

Get it?

-What about Ryan?

-Honey, he hasn't seen the cousins in years.

He'll have a wonderful time.

-What if he needs us?

-He has the number for the hotel.

Sam, if you really don't want to go, we won't.

-OK.

-But Dr. Morton said we should get away together.

And you promised Joe you would be his best man.

-Do you know It was exactly a year ago that it happened?

-Yeah.

And that's why we should be somewhere else for Christmas,

somewhere with no memories.

Yeah?

-Hey, guys!

Joe! [whistling] Hurry up!

Here comes the groom.

Come on.

[chuckling]

-Yeah, I know.

We're late.

Oh, thank you.

Thanks.

WOMAN (ON LOUDSPEAKER): All passengers

please report to gate B16 immediately.

[music playing]

[chuckling]

-Ah.

Yes, splendid.

[horn honking]

-Ah, the guests.

[horn honking]

-Morning, Bobby.

-Colonel.

Another beauteous day in heaven, eh?

-Yes, indeed.

-Oh my god.

-This is so cool.

-I can't believe we're here, you guys.

-Ah.

Now-- now, that's Rose, Ashlea, and Paisley.

Here we go.

First vacation without the parents.

Now-- now, they think they're looking for adventure.

However, what they'll discover is

the true meaning of friendship.

-Isn't that sweet.

-Look at this light.

You can slit my throat now, I've seen it all.

-Oh, I say.

Oh, so scrumptious, eh?

Now-- now, they're here on a calendar shoot.

-Are you sure this is all-inclusive?

-That's right.

-All the food we can eat?

-Honey, you can purge to your heart's delight.

Mmm, put that big tiki in my room.

COLONEL: However--

-Oh, no, no, don't tell me.

They're going to discover a whole "beauty more than skin

deep" thing?

-Absolutely, yes.

-This is so great.

They're gonna have archery and karaoke and a party.

And there's snorkeling.

Ah!

A free buffet for you, Honey!

-Oh, free buffet!

-Honey, I hate karaoke.

-Oh, Honey.

-Yeah.

You know, Colonel, not everybody has to have a nice story, man.

Some of these people, they're just here on vacation, man.

-Absolutely not.

Everyone here for a reason, yes.

Mark my words.

A-ha.

-Joe, this is great.

COLONEL: Here we are.

Yes.

You must be the Fosters.

-Not yet.

-Oh.

No.

Quite.

No.

Here for the jolly old wedding, eh?

Well, welcome to the Tropicana, eh?

Your last resort before paradise.

Now, I'm the colonel.

You have any problems, you come to me at once.

I want your stay here to be everything short of heaven.

Well, you'll be in our honeymoon suite.

-Let's go look at our room.

-Yes.

And you, sir?

-Uh, we're the Tilers.

-Oh, yes.

Here for your second honeymoon.

-Oh, no, no, no.

We're just here to relax. -Oh.

Oh, no, no.

No, all arranged by your husband here, yes.

You'll be in our second honeymoon suite, eh?

-Honey, second honeymoon?

-Mm-hmm.

If you'll have me.

-I will.

-Mmm.

-(MOCKINGLY) Those aren't rocks.

Those aren't rocks.

How could those be rocks?

They don't look like rocks.

Those aren't rocks.

They can't be rocks.

Those aren't rocks. Those aren't rocks.

-Shut up!

-(MOCKINGLY) We don't need a compass.

We don't need a compass.

What do we need a compass for?

-Shut up, shut up, shut up.

Shut up!

-I'm hungry.

-It's not time.

-Jesus.

We're lost.

How do you know what time zone we're in?

Oh, you don't.

So I say we're in the time zone that's

about to sit down at a big, fat lunch.

A carrot?

A lousy carrot?

Where is the damn candy bar?

-And it was yummy.

[giggling]

-Then this is mine.

-No.

-All mine.

-No!

-Mine, mine, mine.

Mine.

JACK FROST: Ooh.

One down, one to go.

[bubbling sounds]

JACK FROST: Closer.

Closer.

-Charlie?

Ugh!

Oh, fuck.

JACK FROST: (SINGING) Slashing through the raft--

thank you for the nose.

I'm off to the islands.

[music playing]

-Yes, excellent.

Off we go.

[music playing]

JACK FROST: Huh?

There's a party, and I'm not invited?

Someone's gonna pay.

[music playing]

-Ha, ha, Bobby's angels.

What can I get for you girls?

-I'll have an Asahi.

-Ooh, Asahi sounds good.

I'll have an Asahi too.

-Yeah, make mine an Asahi.

And three boys on the side.

-Well, let me see what I can rustle up.

-Ooh.

By the fountain, Hawaiian shirt, beer.

-No.

He's so grandpa.

-Oh.

Umbrella, white tee.

coconut cocktail.

-Closet.

-No way.

-Oh, yes way.

-Aw.

-I think what you girls are looking

for is behind door number three.

-Ooh, bad boys.

Come on.

Hey.

-Hey.

-Hey.

-Hey.

-Mmm, now that smell like trouble.

[trilling]

-Come on!

-Ooh, hi there.

-Hi.

-Hi there, Sweetie.

He's taken, so you can say bye-bye.

Bye.

[REMEMBERING JACK FROST SHOUTING]

-Looks like we have us a party pooper duper.

-Sorry?

-Has the grunt monster stolen your happy dust?

This is a job for Captain Fun--un--un!

-Look I'm-- I'm fine.

I just need a--

-But Captain Fun, he seems so sad.

How will you ever save him?

Good point, Activity Boy.

I may have to use the secret weapon.

[shrieking]

Come on, everybody!

It's karaoke time.

-Karaoke?

You gotta be kidding me.

-(SINGING) Bells on bobtails ring.

Making spirits bright.

What fun it is to ride and sing a sleighing song tonight.

Oh, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way.

Oh what fun it is to ride in a one-horse open sleigh.

Hey!

-Hi there, again.

-Mmm.

This is the life.

Warm tropical breezes.

It's better than that cold.

No ice.

No snow.

Uh--

-What?

What?

You don't think-- you don't think I can say it?

I can say it.

Look at me.

Look at me.

Listen.

Snow.

See?

No-- no problem.

Look, listen to this.

Snowman.

Ha!

OK?

How-- what-- mmm.

Newton's killer snowman.

-Shoot, Sam.

You know, Anne doesn't want me talking

to you about that stuff.

-Oh, listen.

It's all in the past, buddy.

Ancient history.

Eh?

-Dead and buried.

-Almost married.

[chuckling]

[woman shrieking]

[giggling]

-How long did they say they'd be?

-Like 10 minutes.

-Hmm.

It's already been that.

OK.

So how are we splitting them up?

-Well, I say we let them choose.

-No, forget that.

-Right.

We should, like, pick straws or something.

-No.

-First come, first served.

-No.

[humming "jingle bells"]

-Mmm, what have we here?

-No, seriously, guys.

Three of us, two of them.

-Well, Dean is--

-So cute.

-Uh-huh.

And he's all mine.

-Says who?

No.

If he was flirting with me any harder,

he would have been arrested.

-Oh, god.

-I'm serious.

-OK, girls, this fire's dying.

While you two fight it out, I'm going to get more charcoal.

-Charcoal?

I was feeling a little under-dressed.

-Oh.

And, um, by the way, Dean's mine.

So you should probably be fighting over Ben.

-Wait, which one's Ben?

-Oh, wait.

Is Ben the cute one?

Dibs on Ben!

JACK FROST: Bombs away.

Oh, for crying out loud.

OK, OK, OK.

Here we go again.

Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.

I must be out of practice.

Oh, fuck it!

[birds squawking]

-Did you hear something?

-She probably just dropped the charcoal.

Ash, you need a hand?

-She's so--

-Oh, I know.

I'll help her out.

Hey, Ash.

[shrieking]

-Guys?

Come on, guys.

Ash, Paise, this isn't funny.

Come on, you can come out now, OK?

JACK FROST: Ooh, tongs.

I'm so scared.

I don't know whether to shit myself

or grab the barbecue sauce.

[cackling]

-Who are you?

JACK FROST: Winter.

-Get away from me!

JACK FROST: Ooh, feisty.

I like it.

-Where are you?

JACK FROST: Oh baby, I'm here.

Or maybe I'm not.

Maybe I'm here.

Here!

Or maybe-- I'm right here.

Yeah.

[shrieking]

-Up and at 'em.

-Whoa.

-Hi.

Let me get-- OK.

Archery for beginners in one hour.

-What are you doing in here?

-Captain Fun is chasing away the hangover grumps.

-What is going on?

-Mrs. Tiler, this is no time to be a jet-lagged slacker.

Come on, you two.

-Away!

-Oh.

Hope your aim is that good on the archery range.

-Get out of our bed.

Oh.

-Well, how about I just hurry over there,

give you a morning hug, then come back over here.

-No.

-Honey, we sleep together at home.

-But we're not home, are we, Sweetums?

-This place, this is so romantic.

-Oh, you don't want to ruin Peach Bottom's wedding night,

now do you, Sweetums?

-No.

-So you stay over there, OK?

OK.

[sigh]

-Flakes need more raisins, Bobby.

Mmm, yes.

Needs a dash of paprika, oregano, and a hint of roses.

What have we here?

Oh, yes.

Fruit salad needs some orange, Bobby.

Oh wow, what a spread.

Oh, this is living.

It wasn't like this in India, you know.

Lucky if you got a plate of cold rice for breakfast then.

[woman shrieking]

-Damsel in distress on the beach.

Look lightly, lad.

-No, no, no, man.

You don't go running toward the screaming.

Didn't your mother ever teach you nothing, man?

-All right, all right, nothing to be alarmed about.

Look, whatever it is, I've seen it all before, yes.

Back in India, I had to saw my best friend's leg off

with a broken tea cup and use it as a weapon.

Oh.

Take your point.

Grisly sight.

You two, uh, staying in the hotel?

Well, excellent, excellent.

Well, uh, how about your room service bill is on us,

and you, uh-- you never saw a thing, eh?

Yeah?

Excellent.

Excellent.

All settled, then.

Off you go.

-All right, what happened now?

Another coconut fall on somebody's head?

-Get me the head of island security.

Get me Manners.

-Oh no, not the scary dude.

-Yes.

The scary dude.

-Not so fast.

Scary dude's already here.

-Ah, Manners.

A nasty business, this.

Sort it out in time for tea, eh?

-We've got a third MV on the beach.

-MV?

Uh, you've lost me.

-Murder victim.

-Murder?

Nonsense.

Shark attack.

-Yeah?

Would a shark do this?

SAM: Hello?

I heard screaming.

Is everyone all right?

-Yes, yes.

Yes, everyone's-- everyone's fine, yes.

Slight, um, accident.

Nothing serious.

-There's a body?

-It's just a--

-Murder.

-Coconut.

-Shark attack.

-Another attack of the murderous coconut shark.

-Uh, yes, sir.

Well, this is our head of island security.

This is, um-- this is Manners.

Used to be with the FBI.

-Agent Manners?

-Well, you must have me confused.

-I'm Manners, head of island security.

-No, no, no.

Last year, in Snomonton--

-Trust me, Sheriff.

You've got the wrong guy.

-Well then, how do you know that I'm a sheriff?

Uh-huh?

Ha, ha.

Ha, ha.

-Look at me.

Look at my face.

Look what he did to my face.

15 operations to make it like this.

His icicle fangs and his pointy nose.

I live on an island now, and there's never,

ever any snowmen, and I'm very, very happy.

Do you get it?

-I got it.

I got it.

I'm sorry.

Whatever you say.

-No problem.

Now we've got us a coconut shark to catch, if you don't mind.

-Yes, yes.

Jolly good idea, yes.

Back to business, everybody.

Uh, Mr. Tiler, I believe they're serving a breakfast buffet.

Yes, sir.

-Yeah.

Yeah, sure.

You have a lot of shark attacks around here?

-Not really, but-- 'tis the season.

-Right, you'd better contact the authorities on the big island

and give them the lay of the land.

And, uh, Bobby, play it down.

It's nothing significant.

-Colonel Hickering, I don't like this situation.

We'll have to warn the guests.

-Absolutely not.

If something like this gets out, before you know it,

the whole place is closed down, and you'll be out of a job.

-Colonel, you've got a murderer on the loose.

-Nonsense.

Shark attack.

And a very nasty cooking accident.

-Cooking?

-Now, look.

There's no need for alarm until the authorities

tell us otherwise.

God, back in India, there was Punjab volleys

that killed 150 of us before the CO even

gave the order for us to get out of bed.

-Colonel, problem.

The phone line is dead.

-What?

God, if it's not one thing, it's another today.

Right.

Let's go and see to the satellite.

Come on.

Chop-chop.

-The satellite's out?

Nothing suspicious about that.

JACK FROST: Aw, phone line's dead, huh?

Let's see.

Who's next?

[chuckling]

-No.

No.

Yes.

Oh!

Well, there's your problem.

This little guy done gone skinny dipping.

-Well, can you fix it?

-Oh no, man.

This a ex-satellite.

We need to be ordering a whole sack of spare parts

to fix this.

-And how do you propose we call to order them?

-The supply boat will be here first thing tomorrow.

-So until then, we're on our own.

Right.

Chin up.

Eyes alert.

-Because friends don't let friends drink and surf.

So you finish that daiquiri first, OK?

-Captain Fun.

Come-- come on in, for goodness sake.

And you, Kitty.

Good heavens, I've called a meeting here.

Now, it seems we have a slight spot of bother on our hands

here.

-You have a murderer loose on the island.

-Not the case at all.

-Hello?

Can we get a drink?

-Yeah, where is everybody?

-I don't know.

They said service not included.

I guess they really meant it.

[chuckling weakly]

-Anybody here?

-Hello?

-Hello?

-Bobby?

-Now, we all know that Mr. Manners

here is prone to overreaction.

Yes.

I-- I think we can, uh-- we can all

remember the Colombian invasion affair.

-You've got three bodies, no explanations.

Add that up.

It spells trouble.

-Why aren't the police here?

-The satellite's out.

Now, I suggest you round up your guests,

lock them down, and put the squeeze on them

until someone squeals.

-Hey.

Now, these people came here for a taste of island hospitality.

There will be no squeezing or squealing

on my watch, Mr. Fun-sucker.

-Precisely.

No proof of anything nasty anyway.

Put it all in the past.

Jolly good time had by all, eh?

Splendid plan.

Off we go.

Show those smiles.

[laughter]

-Go Sammy.

Go Sammy.

Go Sammy.

Go Sammy.

Go Sammy.

Go Sammy.

Go Sammy!

Go Sammy!

-Can't leave them be for five minutes.

-Work it.

Tone it.

Oh, shake that rear, baby.

Shake that rear.

Make me hot.

Make me hot!

You're so hot.

You're sweaty.

You're perspiring.

Board.

That's beautiful.

Wonderful.

Gorgeous, darling.

Keep on posing.

[JACK FROST HUMMING "JINGLE BELLS"]

JACK FROST: Oh, my.

There's something that needs a little Christmas

stuffing, if you catch my drift.

PHOTOGRAPHER: You've been a naughty, naughty board.

Wonderful.

Gorgeous.

Oh, yes.

Lovely.

OK, film out.

This is working.

Snowboarding equipment on a tropical island.

Someone tell me I'm not a genius.

-Greg, you're not a genius.

-Joke, Sarah.

Remember?

I explained those to you on the plane.

-Right.

JACK FROST: Mmm, let me get a little closer to this.

-Did-- did you hear that?

GREG: Hear what, Hon?

-Uh, are you sure that there's no snakes here?

-Well, nothing poisonous.

OK, we're happening again.

Hmm.

Sarah, you're beautiful, but we've lost the excitement.

-Oh.

Ah.

-I'm getting a zero on the nipply scale.

-Oh.

I'm sorry.

It's just that it's so hot out.

Do you have any more of that ice left?

-Oh Honey, I think we're all out.

But I'll go check.

JACK FROST: Ice.

That's my cue.

ICE CUBES: Oh, me!

Me, me, me!

Me!

Me!

Me!

-Oh, yeah.

I'm the man.

ICE CUBES: Aw.

[grumbling]

-Oh, thank you.

Ugh.

God, I hate this.

It's so cold.

JACK FROST: God, I must have been a good boy this year.

Ooh, Romeo.

Oh, yes, yes.

Ooh, yeah.

Mmm.

-Almost done.

JACK FROST: Oh, yeah.

Ooh, yeah.

We are doing it again!

Oh, god.

I think I'm in love.

How about it, Honey?

You and me, huh?

I'll put all this killing behind me.

I'll give it all up for you.

Just say yes.

-OK, all done.

JACK FROST: Oh, all done?

All done?

(SOBBING) What do you mean, all done?

How could you do this to me after all we had together?

I'll get you, you cold-hearted little bitch.

-Oh, just one more thing.

Could I have an ice coffee?

-Ice coffee?

Good idea.

Come on, boys.

Everybody into the pool.

[ice cubes giggling]

-Here you go.

-Thank you.

Mmm.

JACK FROST: This one is from all of us.

Ah.

Oh, you vixen.

You-- oh, you can't be all nicey-nice to me

and expect me to forget how you just threw me away.

Ah!

But that's so nice.

Oh baby, rub me all over with your lips.

OK, OK, OK.

I forgive you, doll.

Oh, I forgive you.

Ooh.

Ow!

Ow, no!

No!

No!

Stop!

That's it!

You are so fuckin' dead!

-OK.

Mmm.

I'm ready.

-Let's try this.

-Nice scarf.

-Beautiful.

OK, Sarah, big smile.

-Oh, I guess it was decapitated coffee.

Let's take some Polaroids.

We'll need some frost.

Oh, you look so beautiful.

Hold that pose.

Oh, lovely, lovely.

Mm-hmm.

Now for your close-up.

Look me in the eyes.

[screaming]

-Wow!

Ooh, Honey.

-Did you hear that?

-What?

The wind in the palm trees?

Children laughing?

The arrows flying?

People in the pool?

Cocktail shakers?

What?

What is making you frown so heavily, darling?

-I don't know.

I just felt something.

It was something cold.

-Sam, you have to go through whatever it is you

have to go through.

I just--

-He's not still going on about Frosty Boy, is he?

-Marla--

-Sam, come on.

Enough is enough.

So we had a really crappy Christmas last year.

Life goes on.

Except for Jack Frost.

And that is really the point, isn't he?

Wow!

Bull's eye!

-Why do I still have this feeling of some--

something whispering to me and--

-Maybe it's your time of month.

Who knows?

Sam, we love you, but you're getting boring.

And annoying.

You know, you've really got to find

something new to complain about.

Jack is gone.

Trust me on this one.

Bull's eye again!

Whoo!

Arrow collection.

-Meet me in Reception in 10 minutes.

-Who is that?

-Don't turn around.

Someone might be watching.

-Yeah, who?

-Exactly.

Glad to see we're on the same page on this one, Sheriff.

-What do you want, Manners?

-Not here.

The walls might have ears.

I'll meet you in Reception in 10 minutes.

-Well, if it's so important, why don't you

just talk to me about it right here?

-I have to pee.

-Oh.

[toilet flushing]

-You alone?

-Yeah, I'm alone.

-You're sure no one followed you?

-Well, I did a little tricky double-back across the paddle

tennis courts just in case so I could throw them.

Yeah, I'm alone.

Manners, what in the hell are you doing here?

-Well, after that thing last Christmas,

I gave myself a leave of absence.

-Oh, they fired you, huh?

-Canned my ass right out the door.

I guess not too many people believe in killer snowmen.

-Yeah.

I've been there.

Well, so, uh, what's this all about, huh?

-We got us a case.

This is no "boo-hoo, they stole my fishing pole" case.

This is a real "tongs in the eyeball,

chop 'em in little pieces" case.

-Not a shark attack, huh?

-There's someone I'd like you to meet.

[bell chiming]

Sam, I think you know our director

of island entertainment.

-Oh sure, Captain Fun, yeah.

-Mr. Tiler.

-Captain.

-It may surprise you to know he's on our side.

That little performance back in the office, that was just

a ruse to allay the others' suspicions.

-Yeah.

Well, I wasn't there, so I-- I didn't see it.

-Ah.

Well, pretty darn good performance, if you ask me.

-Well, thank you.

You know, I wanted to be an actor when I first started

in the biz, so you-- well, you saying that, I mean--

-Look, guys.

Uh, I-- I'm not here as a law enforcement officer.

I'm just here on vacation.

So what do you want from me?

-I've seen you in action, Sheriff.

I want you on our side.

Captain Fun has a plan.

-Well-- well, what we need to do is give the killer a false

sense of security, lure him out into the open

when he thinks no one is watching.

-OK.

What's the plan?

-Trust me.

You'll love it.

[music playing]

-So this is your plan to lure the killer out into the open?

-Isn't it the tops?

-Isn't this the same thing you suggested to-- to cheer me up?

-Yep.

-And what if I forgot my wife's birthday or something?

-Oh, yeah.

This would work great.

-So basically your solution to every problem

is to throw a party and have people dress up like idiots,

and then get them roaring drunk.

-You'd be amazed at how effective it is.

Oh!

You gotta try the banana shrimp.

-No, I'll pass.

-It's integral to the whole plan.

-I-- I'm allergic to bananas.

-Oh.

Hi.

-Seen anything funny?

-Don't even go there.

That's a very subtle costume you got on there, Manners.

-Back in the Bureau, we would call

this a reverse double negative.

I'm going to check out the conga line.

Conga.

-Give me a beer, will you, Bobby?

JACK FROST: Say, pal, how about a smoke?

Excuse me.

Pardon me.

Pardon me. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Pardon me.

Pardon me.

-[inaudible] Sam.

-Sam's got a runner.

-Why are you talking to your watch?

-Old habit.

Let's go.

-What's with him?

[laughing]

-Not this time, Jack.

-Ugh!

-Oh my god!

What have you done?

-He was running.

I-- I was chasing him.

And he-- well, he dropped his carrot nose and I-- you know.

-He's unconscious, you idiot.

-Now, we can't have the guests attacking the staff.

It's just not on.

-I didn't think it was you, sir.

-Well, I'm pleased to hear it.

-We just thought we were gonna lure

the killer out into the open.

-There is no killer.

The two most dangerous things on this island

are your imagination and Mr. Tiler's poor judgment.

-I'm so sorry, Colonel.

-Now, the supply ship will be here in the morning.

They'll contact the police.

Panic over.

So I'll be grateful if you two would stop alarming people, eh?

Right.

Everyone, off to bed.

Look, Bobby, get me an aspirin.

-Your suit still has a nose on it.

-Yes.

Luckily, you didn't break that.

-But out on the ground--

-Sam.

-No.

There was a carrot on the ground.

-Sam.

No.

-But I heard his voice, Anne.

-Sam.

-No, I did.

Not like it's in my head.

I heard him.

-You heard someone who sounded like him.

-Anne, I've heard that voice every night

in my dreams for the past year.

I heard--

-No, you didn't.

You couldn't, because Jack Frost is dead.

-He was dead before, and he came back again.

Maybe something has happened.

-No, it hasn't.

Nothing has happened.

Oh my god.

I just don't know how much more of this I can take.

Jack Frost is dead.

And he's tearing us apart.

Marla is right.

Sam, you are out of control.

You almost killed a man tonight.

This poor, innocent old man is barely conscious

because you just can't get over it.

-I know.

Oh god, I'm sorry.

-Sam.

I love you.

-Boy.

This is a great second honeymoon, isn't it?

-Ooh, wouldn't mind practicing a little breast stroke myself.

Always test the water first.

Ooh, no, far too warm.

Must do something about that.

Let's stir this party up.

That's much better.

[muffled shrieks]

[muffled shrieking]

JACK FROST: Hmm?

What's that, Honey?

Hmm.

No, I'm sorry, I can't hear you.

You'll have to scream much louder.

[muffled screaming]

-Help me!

Please!

-Ah.

Now, this is much more my style.

You know what?

I feel like a cold one.

Mmm.

Or 12.

[laughter]

Tonight's weather report, 20% chance of frostbite

and a 100% chance of death!

[light snoring]

-Honey, did you turn on the air conditioning?

-Uh-uh.

Go back to sleep.

There is no air conditioning, remember?

-Oh, yeah.

ANNE: Um, dear, could you get me a glass of water?

-Sure.

[wind howling]

-Honey?

-What, Sweetie?

-I'm having that dream again.

ANNE: That's OK, Honey.

I know you'd never leave me for Claudia Schiffer.

-No, no, no, not that one.

The other one.

Endless winter.

ANNE: Honey, just think warm thoughts like hot chocolate

and marshmallows.

-Anne, I need for you to see this.

-Sam, just come back to bed, please.

-I-- I don't think it's a dream.

Ow!

-Oh my god!

Sam, what happened?

Eek!

-Oh, my!

I need backup.

You two, cover me.

I'm going in.

-Eek!

-Snow?

-What's happening, Sam?

-I don't know.

[chuckling]

-This is great fun, eh, Mr. Tiler?

-Colonel.

Colonel, doesn't it strike you as just a little odd

that it's snowing?

-Oh, no, no.

Whoa!

It happened before way back in-- you know 1800 and.

Half asleep.

Yes.

Yes, a freak storm covered the entire island in white.

Of course, that was-- that was hail, not snow.

Same difference, what?

Oh, hey.

Hey, now.

Now, hold on.

No.

Fellow's got to be ready.

[laughter]

-What do you think, Sam?

-I don't like it.

-It can't be Jack.

-Oh, don't ask Sam.

If the freezer's too cold, he thinks it's Jack Frost.

-Marla, why don't you come off it?

It was 100 degrees yesterday.

Temperature doesn't just drop 70 degrees.

-Oh, actually Sam, on Christmas Eve in 1924,

in Fairfield, Montana, the temperature

dropped 84 degrees in just 12 hours.

-Where do you get this stuff?

-Discovery Channel.

-I just love that about you.

-That was Montana, Joe.

This is the tropics.

It doesn't happen down here, does it?

-No.

-There's only one person that could do this.

-Captain Fun gives this a big thumbs-up

on his Christmas fun scale.

-Hey.

-Come on.

We're going to build a sled run.

And we're going to use surfboards as sleds.

Isn't that just the craziest?

-He's here.

-Oh, Sam. -He's here.

I know he's here.

I know it.

-That sled sounds like fun.

-Yeah.

-Oh dude, my beer's warm.

-Bummer.

Hey, look.

Frozen pole.

-Yeah.

What, so?

-Warm beer.

Frozen pole.

-I don't get it.

-Luke, dude.

You gotta put your tongue to the pole.

-What, dude, do you think I'm stupid?

My tongue will stick.

-I'll pour the warm beer down the pole,

and it'll get cold again.

-Yeah.

That's cool.

Yeah, look.

Hey, man.

Fuck, this hurts.

[guffawing]

-Oh, bummer.

-Look.

-Hey, look.

Chicks.

-Huh?

Hey!

Wait.

Don't leave me.

Ugh.

Anybody out there?

Help!

JACK FROST: Yeah, dude, what's up?

-My tongue's stuck, man.

JACK FROST: Oh, bummer.

Let me help you.

-Oh, thanks, dude.

-Now, this might sting a bit, bro.

-Go for it, man.

-Cowatunga, dude.

-Hey.

Hey, look at all the snowballs I made.

Oh.

Oh.

OK.

Oh, wait.

Aw.

I'll make more.

JACK FROST: This one's for you, Sam.

-He sees me.

I can feel it.

-Get him.

Right there.

[shrieking]

-Help!

-Oh, no.

-Sam.

Oh my god!

[screaming]

-It's another holly jolly Christmas.

[shrieking]

-Come inside!

-What the hell is going on?

Ow!

MAN: Oh my god!

Get out of my bed.

What the hell hap-- what the hell's going on?

What?

Hey.

Hey.

Ow.

God damn it.

What the-- cut it out!

Hey.

Hey.

Hey, cut it out.

No.

Ow!

[distant shrieking]

-They're playing my song.

[screaming]

-Can you see anything?

-I'm looking.

-What is wrong with everyone?

Jack Frost is not here.

-Oh, yeah?

Then what the hell is that?

-(LAUGHING) Oh, for Christ's sake, Sam.

That is not Jack Frost.

They just built that.

-Sam, no!

-Hey, Jack.

You remember me?

I sure as hell remember you.

-Sam, don't.

-See, these folks around here, they don't know you like I do,

Jack.

They think you're cute and innocent,

like butter would melt in your mouth.

See this, Jack?

Know what this is?

This is concentrated antifreeze, and I've

been wearing it around my neck for a year,

just waiting for you to show your ugly face again.

Now it's time for you to die again, Jack.

How about it?

Are you ready to scream?

-Ay.

-Oh, shit.

[ice crackling]

-Miss me?

Hmm?

-Jack?

-Aw, you remember.

How sweet of you.

[chuckling]

Huh?

Oh, gotta go.

Whee!

-Manners, where'd he go?

-He melted.

-He was right here.

-He melted in the snow.

-Get inside.

MARLA: Hold on a minute.

Don't tell me that is Manners.

-Agent Manners from last year?

-He got a lot cuter.

-What the hell is he doing here?

-It doesn't matter.

Did you see what direction he went in?

-Straight down.

-See?

I told you it was Jack.

I told.

I felt it all along.

-It can't be Jack.

How the hell did he get here?

Did he fly first class?

-Marla, we don't know.

But you saw him with your own eyes.

-Hey, if Agent Manners is here--

-I had nothing to do with it.

Now, let's get inside.

[panting]

-How did you know?

-I don't know.

My guess is that we're linked somehow,

as if I'm a part of him, or he's a part of me.

-I want to know what a government agent is doing here.

-I'm not a government agent anymore.

I've retired to this island.

-Oh, come off it.

-It's true, Marla.

He's been here for months.

But Jack's here not because of him-- because of me.

-Oh, come on, Sam.

We don't even know if it is Jack Frost.

-No, Marla, it's probably some other walking,

talking snowman that everybody's talking about.

-What the hell is going on here?

You brought caulking on our vacation?

-Well, that could come in handy at any time.

-Whoa.

Looks like somebody got a little obsessed here.

[grunting]

-Guys!

Guys, we can't just barricade ourselves in here.

-Oh, I don't know, Anne.

This could be the first sane thought Sam's had in a year.

-Seal ourselves in for the night?

Sounds good to me.

-No.

We have to find the others and warn them.

-We could draw straws.

-No.

I'll go.

The island's my responsibility.

-I'll go with you.

-And I'll--

-No.

Joe, you stay here.

-That's what I was going to say.

-Oh.

Well, it looks like it's you and me, Manners.

-That's Agent Manners.

-Yeah.

OK, whatever you're comfortable with.

-Clear.

-Honey?

-Yeah.

-I love you.

-Don't worry.

I'll be safe.

-Sam.

-Yeah.

-Good luck.

-Yeah.

-Sam.

-Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, good luck.

Thank you.

-No.

You didn't pack any food in your supplies,

so if you find yourself in the kitchen,

I thought you might pick us up some--

-You never thought we'd find ourselves in this situation

again, I'm sure.

-Well, it's not like before.

Before, Jack couldn't just freeze things.

How the heck did he find me anyway?

I'm 1,000 miles from home.

-2,340.

I checked my air miles.

Who'd you tell that you were coming here anyway?

-Oh, come on.

That's ridiculous.

If Jack had asked anyone for directions,

they would have contacted me.

-If they survived it.

[sigh]

-(WHISPERING) I don't get it.

How did Sam know Jack was here?

You know, this whole time I just thought he was losing it.

-He thinks they're linked somehow.

-Oh, please.

-No, hold on.

Remember, the night Jack was melted, Sam was wounded, right?

-Yeah.

-Bleeding into the antifreeze.

Well, maybe somehow their DNA got mixed up together.

-No more Sci-Fi Channel for you, Honey.

-Marla, think about it.

How else did Jack find us out here in the middle of nowhere?

-What do you think happened to Jack?

-I don't know.

I thought you buried him.

-Yeah, we did bury him.

We had sealed containers, unmarked graves,

the whole nine yards.

-Ooh.

I hate it when the dead don't stay dead.

[door creaking]

[metal rattling]

[shouting]

[shouting]

-Cease fire.

Cease fire.

-Oh, what'd you do that for?

-Mr. Tiler.

That puts us just about even, wouldn't you say, eh?

-What was that thing?

-All right.

Listen up.

I'll tell you exactly what you're dealing with.

Jack Frost is a cold-blooded killing machine.

Now, he's-- he's also made of genetically

altered water molecules.

I'm sorry, that's-- that's usually the place

where people start laughing at me.

OK.

OK.

Well now, Jack, he can freeze and unfreeze himself at will.

He can turn himself into water and come

right underneath the door.

So what we've got to do is find anything

we can to seal up the cracks.

We gotta make it as airtight as possible.

-Well, what about your wife?

-They're OK.

They're OK.

They're holed up in the room with a couple

off gallons of antifreeze.

-Antifreeze?

-It's the only thing that will stop him.

We need to collect as much of it as possible.

-Antifreeze.

OK, antifreeze.

This is a tropical island, for god's sake!

-Wait a minute.

Is antifreeze the same thing as coolant?

-Uh-huh.

-Well, we got drums of the stuff in a old storage shed.

Our generator drink it up like a rum punch, you know.

-Let's do it.

[chuckling]

-You hear that?

-What's up?

-The fat lady's warming up.

[chuckling]

-Wait.

Snow angel!

-This is ingenious, Sheriff.

You know, back in India we once caught

a 600-pound Bengal tiger the same way.

Mind you, we had to dig a 12-foot-deep pit

and use the CO's pet dog as bait.

-No, no, no, no.

Don't come telling me, Bobby, somebody's got to be the bait.

No.

-Don't worry, Bobby.

I'll do it.

It's me he's after.

It's me he'll come for.

-Don't worry.

I got your back.

-Thanks.

-I say, if this creature's only after Mr. Tiler,

why don't we just let it have him

and get the whole thing over with?

Just a thought.

-How you doing, Sheriff?

-So far it's a piece of cake.

[water dripping]

-Hey, how's it going, Sam?

[gasping]

-Hi, Jack.

-So what are we doing?

-Waiting.

-Waiting for what?

-Waiting for you to blow it.

-Ooh.

-Oh, shoot.

-Here I come, ready or-- oh, oh, oh, whoa!

-Psych!

[shouting]

-Yeah.

[happy shouting]

-Well-- well done, sir.

Excellent, sir.

Brilliant.

-Yeah!

-I'm getting way too good at this, you know.

I'm getting way too much practice.

[laughter]

-Anyone want to get into it and [inaudible] snowman already?

-You bastards!

Have you any idea how much this shit stings?

And I swallowed it!

I'll be hacking it up for a week!

-Shoot.

-Fire.

Fire.

-Shoot!

-Oh, please.

This again?

Come off it.

Ha!

-It isn't working.

Why isn't it working?

-Because I'm all-new and improved.

-Get back, everyone!

-What's the matter, Sammy?

You all out of ideas?

-That should kill you.

The antifreeze should kill you.

-Well, let me explain to you the inherent dangers

of unregulated genetic experimentation.

You see-- [burp] oh.

Uh, excuse me.

I must have swallowed more than I thought.

[burp] Oh, somebody get me a Pepto.

Ha, ha.

Ugh.

(WEAKLY) OK, I'm outta here.

Ha!

-No.

-We have to get back inside.

It's not safe out here.

Come on.

Sam, come on. -It didn't work.

-I know. -The antifreeze--

-Honey--

-It didn't work.

-Honey, come on.

-The antifreeze-- ANNE: Sam, please.

-The antifreeze didn't--

-Ooh, don't touch it, you great moron.

Why do you have to poke around at everything?

-I think it's just a snowball.

-Come on, Jack.

You're not afraid of little old me.

An eye for an eye.

[chuckling]

Yeah.

-How long now?

-15 minutes.

-I'm telling you, it's just an ordinary snowball.

-Joe, if it's just an ordinary snowball, then

why hasn't it melted in 15 minutes?

-Why, antifreeze should melt him.

That's what we used the last time, just antifreeze.

Good, old-fashioned antifreeze should just melt--

-Honey, you're rambling again.

-Oh, OK.

-Anne is right.

We should get rid of it.

-Absolutely.

Better safe than sorry.

-It's just a snowball.

[cracking sounds]

MARLA: What's it doing?

JOE: I don't know.

-Wait a minute.

[cracking sounds]

I think it's hatching.

-Hatching?

-Well, if that isn't the cutest little thing.

-Oh yeah, a regular sweetheart.

Don't get too close.

-(BABY VOICE) Dadda.

-Oh my god.

Did you hear that?

-(BABY VOICE) Dadda.

-Yeah, I'll be your dadda.

(BABY TALK) Yes, I will.

Oh, you little fella.

You're my little kiddy-widdy, aren't you?

Oh, you cute little booger-boogie.

-(BABY VOICE) Kill dadda.

-Huh?

[screaming]

-Oh my god!

[shrieking]

[shouting]

[baby snowball laughing]

-I got it!

I got it!

[squishing noise]

-(BABY VOICE) Oh.

Hello.

[baby snowball giggling]

-It's on the ground!

ANNE: Over here!

Over here!

Oh, I got it!

I got it!

I got it!

-Give me that thing!

-Let us see you breakdance, you little shit.

-Huh?

Whoa!

[laughing]

-Yeah.

-Ooh.

That was fun.

-What about salt?

We should see if salt hurts it.

-Or heat it up on the range.

BABY SNOWBALL: Uh-oh.

What?

No.

-Microwave it.

That might do it.

-Wrap it in a cloth and steam the little bugger.

BABY SNOWBALL: No.

That-- that's not nice.

[TINY VOICES CHATTERING AND GIGGLING]

BABY SNOWBALL: Everybody, quiet.

Shh.

Shh.

[tiny voices giggling]

ANNE (ON RADIO): Manners.

-What?

-If you find any more of those snowballs, don't go near them.

-And that would be because?

ANNE (ON RADIO): They're vicious little killers.

-See ya.

-Great.

Make a list-- things that would have been

useful to know five minutes ago.

-Yah!

-Manners, have you found more of them?

-I might say that.

[baby snowballs giggling]

-Ow!

Ow!

Yah!

Ow!

Ah!

Fucking things off of me!

[screaming]

ANNE (ON RADIO): Manners?

Manners?

[giggling]

-Mmm.

Toasty.

-Ooh.

[baby snowball squeaking]

-They're indestructible.

Manners indicated there were more of them on the island.

Anyone have any idea where he was headed?

-He just kind of ran off.

-Well, I don't know about you people,

but I'm going to lock myself in here

and wait for the supply ship to come.

-Good thinking, Bobby.

-The supply ship?

We can't let these things get off the island.

-They split up.

-What?

-Well, there's hundreds of them now, and they've separated.

-Well Sam, where are they?

-You know, we'll-- we're gonna be all right.

We just have to get some antifreeze.

-Cork it, Sam.

-Why, yes, Dear.

-All right.

We need to find containers.

Containers with lids that close tightly.

Jars, bottles, anything that we can

trap these little creeps in.

-Anne, what are you doing?

-I'm saving the day.

We can cover the most ground if we split up.

-What about safety in numbers?

-No, no, no.

Basic combat strategy-- when you're outnumbered,

your best plan is to confuse the enemy

with as many flank offensives as possible.

If we give these blighters a single target,

they'll-- they'll surround us and eat us for breakfast.

-All right, then.

Let's go.

Sweep every room and leave no corner unchecked.

-Roger.

[music playing]

-Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoa!

-Boogie!

[giggling]

[tarzan-style yell]

[giggling]

-Woo-hoo!

[giggling]

-Yah!

Ha, ha!

-Oh boy.

-Whee!

-Hand sandwich.

[baby snowball chittering]

-We filled the back of the truck up with antifreeze, see.

And then the antifreeze was there,

and-- and then it was sort of green.

And when I jumped into the antifreeze,

this Jack Frost, he just--

-Sam.

---turned into antifreeze.

So what we need is some antifreeze.

-Sam.

-If we could just find some antifreeze--

-Sam!

One more word, and I'm gonna kill you myself.

[baby snowballs giggling]

-Oops.

[baby snowball giggling]

-Whoa!

[baby snowball giggling]

[baby snowball giggling]

[baby snowball giggling]

BABY SNOWBALL: I'm here.

[baby snowball giggling]

[baby snowball giggling]

[baby snowball giggling]

-Whee!

[baby snowball giggling]

-Catch me, catch me, catch me!

Ooh!

[baby snowball giggling]

[baby snowball grumbling]

-Sucks, huh?

-Yeah.

-You don't scare me, my chilly little friend.

No.

Back in India, I was once caught by the Punjabi.

Those bloody planes [inaudible].

Softly.

Softly, Colonel.

Cunning of a fox.

Speed of a jungle cat.

[snoring lightly]

-Sleeping, eh?

Yes.

[stirring]

-Yes, come to the colonel.

Yes.

BABY SNOWBALL: Hello.

[baby snowballs giggling]

-Don't scare me.

[baby snowballs chittering]

[glass breaking]

-Don't hurt me!

-I won't.

I--

-Everybody's dead!

It was snowing, and everything was really fun.

Then--

-Hey!

Sweetcake, snap out of it.

Now, what is your name?

-Well-- well, my real name is Amanda.

My friends, they like to call me Ma--

-Amanda. -Uh-huh?

-I am going to get you out of here.

Now we are heading down to the kitchen.

-What was that?

-Hold on.

[shrieking]

-Hey, ugly!

[shrieking]

[baby snowball giggling]

-Yes, baby.

You can do it.

You can try it.

Yes, baby.

You can-- Idiot.

You're going to die off.

Baby!

Baby!

[snowball shrieking]

[popping sounds]

-Baby?

-What is this?

-Hey.

-Come on.

It-- it's some kind of cocktail.

What's in it?

-Oh, Honey.

-Not now.

-Anne, I really don't think it's the time

to be swapping recipes.

-It kills them.

It kills the baby snowballs, all right?

Now, what the hell is in it?

-Oh, that's Bobby's Island Daiquiri.

It got light run, just a dash of maraschino,

lemon juice, half a teaspoon of sugar,

and half a banana, blended to perfection.

-Well, it must be the alcohol.

That's like antifreeze, right?

-I wouldn't like that.

I'll have a mint julep, Bobby.

-Not now, Sam, please.

-I don't like bananas.

-Honey, not now!

Bananas.

Oh my god, Sam's allergic to bananas.

You remember a year ago, when Sam's

blood got into the antifreeze?

Well, that's when they linked up.

Well, maybe when that happened, Jack

inherited Sam's banana allergy.

[laughing]

-Go.

Go. -Contact.

-Oh.

Ooh!

-Oh.

Banana daiquiri, anyone?

-You know, these Organica cookies are pretty darn good.

-Let's get it on.

-Huh?

Uh-oh.

Oh no!

[whimpering]

[squealing]

[squeaking]

[whimpering]

[squeaking]

[whimpering]

JACK FROST: There, there.

Come here.

It's OK.

It's OK.

Ah, little one.

Aw.

Easy.

Easy.

There, there, little one.

[whimpering]

-Now it's killing time.

-So who won the war then, eh?

[chuckling]

-So what do we do with it this time?

Bury it twice as deep as we did last time?

-We'll come in first thing in the morning

and hose the whole place down.

No one will be any the wiser.

Oh, yes.

Be open for business in a week.

-Colonel?

You got 18 bodies to explain, man.

-Food poisoning.

Ah.

No, no, that wouldn't look too good either, would it?

We'll just say the plane arrived.

Nobody on board.

Yah!

[screaming]

-Oh, shite!

-Ugh.

Ugh.

Wow.

Honey, it's after midnight.

Today is our wedding day.

-For better or for worse, I promise

to love and to protect you.

-I do too.

-I now pronounce you totally fuckin' dead.

[screaming]

-Jack!

Jack!

Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack, Jack!

Jack, Jack, Jack!

JACK FROST: I rode into town, and I'm

looking for the bitch who killed my family.

oh, no way out.

-Joe, help me!

Anybody?

Somebody help me!

[screaming]

Anyone?

[screaming]

[anguished howling]

[whimpering]

Oh my god.

Oh, you son of a bitch!

You should have heard your babies scream, Jack.

You should have heard them scream.

Sam?

Sam!

-Oh, Honey.

You are missing the point.

Get it?

Get it?

SAM: Hey, Jack.

-Huh?

-Get this.

-Oi.

Oh, crap.

-Anne!

Anne!

Anne!

Anne.

Annie.

Anne!

Come on. Come on.

Anne!

Annie, come on.

Anne!

Ah!

Anne.

[coughing]

[relieved laughter]

-Oh fuck, I hate Christmas.

So Sam, where do you want to go next year?

-Oh Honey, do we really have to go anywhere.

-Oh Honey, it's great to travel at the holidays.

-Sure, but something always goes wrong.

-Oh, how about Greece?

-Greece?

No, not another island.

ANNE: Oh, Sam.

[foghorn blasting]

-Good grief, what has happened?

-It appears the island has been covered in snow.

-Yes.

But that is impossible.

-And yet, here it is before our eyes.

[massive splash]

-Did you feel that?

-Yes, I did.

But what was it?

-I do not know.

But it is coming from behind the island.

[loud roaring sound]

-Whoa!

[inaudible]

[music - "merry christmas baby"]

MARLA: Hello?

Anne?

Sam?

We're in here!

Joe's turning blue!

Open the door!