Original subtitles

If anyone is going to turn

this organization around,

it's going to be King Lizard.

If those sequids ever take over, Earth is next.

Forgive me, Allen.

Hello, son. It's been a while.

This is your little brother.

I never even fucking knew you.

You don't need the bum.

I need help here!

Viltrum knows I've left my post.

- They'll track me. - Are those...

Viltrumite soldiers.

Why do I care about them?

You need to fight like a Viltrumite.

I don't kill people.

Your father will be executed.

You will assume his mission

and prepare the planet for our rule.

It's the emperor's other son.

Is he dead?

His chest is moving.

What is all that red liquid?

It must be his blood.

He has a hole in his body.

The city.

Andressa.

We can take you there.

Mark.

Nolan.

Where's Nolan?

The Viltrumites took him.

I'm sorry.

The city, these people, it's all our fault.

Mark, you saved my life.

And your brother's.

If my dad and I hadn't been here

none of this would've happened.

If your father hadn't been here, I wouldn't have a son.

And if you hadn't been here, we both would've died.

Thraxan lives are short compared to yours.

Our culture doesn't assign blame.

We only look forward.

We will rebuild, Mark.

Count on that.

Mark Grayson!

Oh, hey. Nuolzot.

I have good news.

We've completed a ship to take you home.

You can return to your planet

and your center for learning and drink.

Um, thanks, but I can't go yet.

There's still so much to do.

Oh, the city will be whole again soon.

Your people must need your strength.

Eh, there's tons of heroes on Earth.

I'm sure they got it covered.

Behold, the might of Omnipotus!

Tremble before

my unlimited power!

No.

I'm sure you know your planet best.

- Empress. - Nuolzot.

Did you give Mark the news?

I thought he'd be more pleased.

Humans are very confusing.

I am pleased.

Yeah, I-I want to see my mom and my girlfriend.

But there's more to do here, and I...

You've helped enough.

It's time you return home.

But there is something else I must ask of you.

Take your brother with you.

Home to Earth.

What?

What are you talking about?

You're his mom.

Mark, look at me.

Look how much older I am than when you first arrived.

You brother ages quicker than you

but far slower than my people.

I'll be gone before he can form a sentence.

When Nolan was here, that was fine.

He could be raised by his father.

But now

everyone he knows here will soon be dead.

Generations will pass before he's even an adult.

What mother would abandon him to a life like that?

My dad was worried about that for me, too.

Nolan changed me.

I see life now on a longer scale than most Thraxans.

But to me,

your centuries are still just a concept.

To you and your brother, it's the life you must live.

I just keep hoping my dad's okay.

I hope that, too.

But if he lives,

he'll go searching for you, not me.

Wait, no, that's not...

My time with Nolan was special.

But he will know

my life has run its course.

Remember me, child.

Someday, I hope you'll understand

why I had to let you go.

Please?

Very soon, you'll be all he has.

And he will need someone.

Thanks, Paul. See you tomorrow.

Debbie?

Wait, uh...

Forgot to give you this.

It's from all of us at the office.

For the house we sold?

Kind of. Uh...

Well...

We all know

how hard it's been for you.

But it's good to have you back.

Thanks. Thank you, Paul.

Hmm.

Hey, Mom.

Mark! Oh!

Jesus, Mark. It's been two months.

I try not to worry, but even Cecil's been frantic.

He's...

Oh.

Who is that?

I-I-I don't even have the words.

This morning, I didn't even know if Nolan was alive.

I-I didn't even know if I wanted him to be alive.

Now he's left another planet in ruins and his

his new kid is sitting in my kitchen.

The Viltrumites took him, Mom.

Dad didn't have a choice.

Oh, like hell he didn't.

He didn't have to go to that planet.

He certainly didn't have to find a new partner

and have a new baby.

He's never on the hook for the lives he destroys.

Just leaves it for everyone else to clean up.

Again and again.

I know, I know.

What are we supposed to do with him?

Children that age need constant care.

He doesn't even had a name.

Well, he ages fast.

He won't stay a toddler for long.

Maybe I can take a year off from college to look after him.

What? No. Absolutely not.

I've been gone for two months.

It's not like my grades are gonna be amazing anyway.

And I changed a lot of diapers on the way home.

What about Cecil?

We can't.

There's got to be other options.

Like what? He's purple.

I can't give him to a stranger,

and I don't want to leave college, but...

Y-You're right about Dad leaving his problems

for other people to fix.

But he's my brother.

And I-I can't just abandon him.

Well, you must get it from my side of the family.

Don't quit school, Mark.

I'll take some time off of work

and look after him for a few days.

I'll figure something out.

Mm, but you're changing that diaper

before you go anywhere.

All right, have someone look into the sighting.

It's probably a hoax, but we can't risk it.

I want a report in an hour.

Sir, may I have a minute?

We're a little busy, Donald, if you hadn't noticed.

I need you to make time for...

this.

Everybody out!

You heard me!

I need the room.

Now.

Okay.

You've got my attention.

After Omni-Man went bad last year,

we blew up our surveillance house to stop him.

You triggered it after getting everyone to safety.

You barely made it out alive yourself.

So why don't I remember it?

You were in shock. You got burned pretty bad.

Burned?

Is that what you call

this?

With respect, sir,

what did you do to me?

Oh.

I thought I was on the White Room list.

You are, for most of it.

Lights.

What is that?

It's what we did to you.

State of the art. It's expensive as hell.

Damn sight better than your old one, if you ask me.

How?

You were lucky.

Omni-Man's body shielded you from most of the blast.

When we pulled you out, your brain was intact.

The rest of you, not so much.

The r-rest of me?

Cecil, what the hell am I now?

You're you.

But better, stronger.

Alive.

Uh...

I-I don't remember... I don't remember any of it.

All these people knew and I didn't?

PTSD's a bitch.

We figured you'd be better off without it.

You mean you'd be better off.

You had no right.

What do you want, Donald? Would you rather be dead?

You know the world we live in, what the job is.

There's no time for existential angst.

Angst? That's what you call it?

Jesus, Cecil.

I knew you were cold, but I never knew you were...

Uh, sirs?

- What? - What?

And that's more than enough philosophy for today.

Hmm... Hmm?

Hmm?

Since when did you start locking the window?

Mark. Holy shit.

Um, I started locking it

after that giant bug dressed like a dog showed up.

Did you save them from those meteors?

Meteors? Oh, right.

Um...

Yes and no?

Um, it got...

It got weird... for me.

Yeah, I kind of figured.

You were gone a long time.

Like forever in college years.

You need to go see the dean, by the way.

Something about academic probation?

You said you'd cover for me.

I did, for a while.

Two months, Mark.

That's more excuses than anyone can make up.

What happened?

Uh, a lot.

I saw my dad.

Your dad?

Look, I'll-I'll tell you all about it,

but I need to see Amber first.

Oh, sure, ditch me for your girlfriend, why don't you?

It'll give you time to put all my posters back up.

All of them.

And when exactly

were you planning to tell me you were back?

I mean, it's not like you didn't know.

I ordered you not to go. You were gone two months.

Now you don't even check in?

I needed to see my mom and my girlfriend first.

We had a deal, Mark.

You promised, if I put you in the field,

you'd follow orders.

You don't get to pick and choose when that applies.

I saved millions of lives out there, Cecil.

And it looks like everything here was just fine.

Yeah. Things were just peachy.

The Guardians almost died saving the planet

while you were off gallivanting with space bugs.

What I did out there, wh-what I found was important.

You already know, don't you?

We keep an eye on Debbie for her protection.

Passive monitoring, mostly.

Certain keywords trigger a closer listen.

Unbelievable.

You're angry about me not reporting in?

I don't need to.

You got cameras in my mom's house.

It's not cameras. We would never do that.

All right, since you already know everything,

I'll go see my girlfriend like I planned.

Fine by me.

I'll send a team to pick up Nolan's kid.

You can't.

What are you gonna do? Leave him with your mom?

He's an alien.

We're more qualified to take care of him.

He's my brother, not a science experiment.

Call your people off.

They're already on their way.

Call them off.

Now.

I'll check in tomorrow.

Fine. I'm sure your mom will love

looking after her ex-husband's new kid.

Coming.

Mark.

Oh, my God, you're back.

I missed you so much.

I didn't mean to be gone so long.

They took me to this insane planet...

tarium in, uh, Philadelphia

when I... you know, when I was visiting my aunt.

♪ When I give it to ya...

Guys, this is my boyfriend Mark.

He's been gone a while dealing with family stuff.

Mark, this is Bridget, Jannie and Corey.

Hey, dude. Nice to finally meet you.

Wow, so he is real.

I thought Amber was just trying to brush off creepy dudes.

Yep.

Yep, very real over here.

Just not around the last few, um, months.

♪ Baby, it's divine, keep on running after me ♪

♪ I might let you...

We should let you guys catch up.

Amber, we'll get your notes later.

Nice meeting you, Mark.

♪ Mine, I might let you be mine...

What happened out there?

♪ Mine, I might let you be mine ♪

♪ I might let you be ♪♪

So the kid's at your mom's house now?

For now.

I don't know what I'm gonna do.

And I thought I had a crazy few months.

Shit, I'm sorry, I...

I've been talking about myself this whole time.

No, I-I mean, you've been through a lot, I get it.

No, really, I...

I want to know everything I missed.

Well, college is no joke.

I failed a sociology test that's worth a third of my grade.

Seriously? You?

Yeah.

My grandpa died. I didn't take it too well.

Oh.

Yeah, I got through it.

The funeral, coming back here.

You know, people asked where you were.

Having to lie about it wasn't awesome.

I didn't think it would be this complicated.

It's okay.

I knew the deal when I signed on.

Not just the superhero thing.

All of it.

I thought, with my dad gone,

he was at least done ruining my life, but...

Hey. He can't change how I feel about you,

no matter how many planets he destroys.

That's the important thing.

I'm glad you're back.

Help.

Help me.

Please.

Sir? Sir?

Are you all right, sir?

Wh-What is it?

There's something you need to see

on our long-range scans, sir.

This is stupid.

I can see in the dark.

That assumes you still have your eyes.

Time.

Monster Girl, Kate, shower off.

Bulletproof, Shapesmith, you're up.

Immortal, if I may have a moment,

m-may I remind you that Monster Girl's transformations

cause her to age in reverse.

I know how my team's powers work.

Then you must understand

that this kind of training is hazardous for her.

- I've developed a simulation... - Hey.

I can hear you, you know.

Amanda, I-I noticed the Immortal

wasn't tracking your transformations.

It's not his job to track my transformations.

And it's not yours, either.

But logically if there's a way to mitigate your lost time...

If you get this controlling after one date,

there's not going to be another one.

Oh no!

Is eighth-grade prom canceled?

Don't tell me...

Aah! Motherfucker!

Oh, fuck.

You know people try to kill us every single day, right?

Just call, please!

We have a problem.

It's coming from Mars, headed directly for Earth.

We've tried calling, but they're not answering.

It may be unmanned.

Except it's packed to the gills with bio-matter.

Ship's coming from Mars, huh?

I wonder if there's anyone here with insider knowledge

of Mars.

Um...

Friends,

I have a secret to unbury.

I am not a human person from Earth like I once told you.

Prepare yourselves,

for the truth may be more than you can handle...

We know you're a Martian.

What, you thought we'd let you join the team

without figuring that out?

You all knew that?

Son of a bitch.

What we don't know

is how you got to Earth and why you're here.

Okay, well...

Um, I was born a baby Martian,

far away on the planet Mars.

Like all Martians, we used sequids as our servants

since they couldn't penetrate our shape-shifting skin,

which is something they very much like to do.

Even as a young Marsling,

I hated living underground.

I wanted to see the stars.

- Wow. - This way! Run!

So, when the opportunity presented itself...

I took it.

I hitched a ride to Earth with your space people.

And when I got here, I was inspired to do good.

I met all of you...

Wait a second.

What happened to the real astronaut?

Well?

M-My people were right behind us in the tunnels.

I thought they'd find him before the sequids did.

Find him and kill him, you mean.

But they didn't find him, did they?

Something else did.

I know... I don't know.

Well, okay, given our present situation

and that big ship on its way here,

one might assume...

Well, I mean, one might guess

that m-maybe... and, but this is a maybe

he possibly became

a possessed host for the singular

and terrifying sequid hive-mind.

I'm so sorry.

Ah, okay, so we have.

God knows how many of those things headed here,

they possessed the real Rus Livingston

and they're capable of possessing a million more of us.

And it's all your fault.

Yes, you understand now.

Oh, that's bad.

Hang on.

We're gonna believe this guy?

He lied to us the whole time.

No, before, I was lying.

Now I'm telling the truth.

It's very different.

You left an American astronaut up there to die.

I... apologize?

Shut up, all of you.

There will be consequences for this.

But that ship cannot be allowed to reach Earth.

And Shapesmith is the only source of intelligence we have.

We need him. For now.

The team will be me, Bulletproof, Black Sampson,

Monster Girl and...

Shapesmith.

Rex, Shrinking Rae, Kate and Rudy,

you'll hold things down here.

It's an alien spacecraft,

so you'll need my technical expertise.

I'll be protected in my suit.

Agreed. Rudy, you go, too.

No, you don't understand.

There are millions of sequids on that ship.

Maybe hundreds of millions. We won't be enough.

Look, I realize this is out of character, but...

I have an idea.

♪ Skipping stones out on the shore ♪

♪ Still not sure what you asked me here for...

♪ But I'm scouring the earth on the forest floor...

♪ Skipping stones till my arm is sore... ♪

Shit.

You know, it's been like five years

and your parents still haven't fixed the lock on your window.

I'm starting to wonder if maybe they want you to be abducted.

I'm not in the mood, Rex.

And I'm not here to make fun of you.

Seriously.

Ugh. Or to get in your pants.

Or whatever you think I'm here to do.

But when I heard you were back here,

I knew something was wrong.

Mm.

I don't need your pity, Rex.

Since when do I do pity?

Did you see what I did in Chicago?

The park collapse?

I heard about it, yeah.

Yeah, I messed up.

People almost got hurt.

And then I took it out on Killcannon

and people did get hurt.

I try to help,

and all I do is cause more problems.

My parents were right. Who do I think I am?

Everybody fucks up.

To fuck up is human.

Eh, Shakespeare said that.

The Immortal. Black Sampson.

Freaking "Robot,"

or Rudy or whatever he calls himself now.

They've all shit the bed at least once.

Having powers isn't easy, but

we do our best.

Even assholes like me.

Just do the math, Eve.

You are so far in the black that it's stupid.

You showed this to me the week we met.

You were still pretty beat up from losing them.

I hardly think about them now.

Because you got through it.

And then you got through my douche bag teenage ass

dumping my problems on you.

And hiding in your bedroom for a year and a half.

Then a hundred other battles with teen team.

Through all of that,

you've saved so many people.

And each time, you made this shitty, awful, terrible world

a little bit better.

Also, I checked on that couple you pulled from the river.

They're gonna make a full recovery.

Because of you.

So, dry your tears,

tell your parents to go shove it up their asses

and get back out there, right?

All right.

Thanks, Rex.

Now what do you want?

I am offended.

But yes, I do have a tiny favor to ask

that involves a space rocket ship.

Pew-pew-pew?

Okay.

Open. Delicious.

It's delic...

What are we gonna do with you?

You've got to like at least one human food.

Mark. We have a front door, you know.

Sorry.

Oh, oh, hey, Mr. Messy.

How's he eating?

Well, so far, he hates everything.

I guess he'll fit right in with the human kids.

Uh, sorry.

Hey, do you know where Dad's stuff is?

I got rid of most of it, gave it to charity.

What? Y-You could've asked me first.

Well, you were gone for two months.

And I could've live in limbo

just waiting for you to come back.

I'm sorry.

- W-What were you looking for? - It's just...

When the Viltrumites were taking Dad away,

he told me to read his books.

What if he hid something them, like slid it between the pages?

It's not a good time, Cecil.

Sorry, Debbie, it's urgent.

Mark, I need you to go to space again.

What? I just got back from space.

You were actually pretty pissed about it.

Think of this as your redemption tour.

We got a ship full of those sequid things

coming in hot from Mars.

You remember them?

Yeah...

If they get their tentacles on Earth,

they'll be pulling our strings forever.

We need to stop them.

Sure. Of course.

You need any help with the new kid?

We're fine. Thank you.

Well, think about when you go back to work.

You'll need a trained caretaker,

not some neighborhood babysitter.

- We have people for that. - That's our decision.

Not yours.

Just consider it.

Please?

But you just got back from space.

Well, they're heading for Earth.

And it's serious.

And, uh, a lot of people could get hurt.

So, I...

Just come back safe, okay?

Always.

Hey, Jannie, you guys got plans tonight?

Nah, everything's fine,

just want to take my mind off things.

Invincible, I didn't know you were joining us.

Yeah, well, this didn't sound super optional.

- Got room for one more? - Eve!

Hi. R-Rex said you guys could use a hand.

We could indeed.

But will you be vulnerable to these creatures?

Uh, you're not the only one who can make a suit of armor.

Hmm. Two minutes to launch.

Well, that's my cue to leave you brave little astronauts

to the endless darkness of space.

If you succeed, well, I taught you everything you know.

If not...

I guess we're all fucked.

Three, two, one.

We have ignition.

So

you two may not know this,

or acknowledge it any way,

but this guy's now the ranking Guardian on Earth.

Says who?

Uh, me. Just now.

It's like calling shotgun.

Okay, first rule, no rolling those eyes.

Second rule, get ready.

Because we are just gonna chill out

until those losers get back.

And

there is no third rule.

We're supposed to monitor other threats while they're gone.

Oh, sure, like there's gonna be

two huge world-shattering emergencies at the same time.

Oh, no!

I'd like to see that, Rae.

Hey. Who's there?

Sorry, Sarge.

For fuck's sake, Jerry. You scared the shit out of me.

I-I know, I know it's not my break,

but I-I missed lunch.

Get your damn snack and get out of...

Ah, hell!

Move!

Yes, sir.

And remember,

kill first, ask questions later.

We have a problem.

What's a problem

but an opportunity in disguise?

You want them to know we're here?

Of course.

This just speeds things up a bit.

Man, my dad's a dick,

but you win the Shitty Dad Contest hands down.

Yeah, but it was worse than that.

I was gone for so long,

I wasn't there for Amber, my mom, you.

And you guys needed me.

I'm sure you'll get a chance to make it up to me soon.

Listen up.

We need more information about the Martian ship.

Its weapon systems, what kind of resistance

we can expect once we're on board.

So, Shapesmith here

is going to answer all of our questions.

I'd rather not, since those are Martian military secrets.

But I will, though.

That ship is one of our warships.

It's very big. There could be millions of sequids on it,

but hopefully not.

They're small, but very strong for their size.

A ship full of demon jellyfish with super strength.

Great.

There must be Martians on board, too.

The sequids can't pilot a ship on their own.

We should seek these Martians out.

Make contact.

Ah, yes, my old chums.

They, um...

They may not be enthusiastic to see me.

I imagine not.

Robot, what's your plan to get us on board?

In just a minute, I'll cut the shuttle's power.

Like Shapesmith says, the Martian ship is large,

so we'll look like debris to them.

Then we'll clamp on and cut an entry hole in the hull.

Good.

So good. But it won't work.

Why not?

The warship's sensors are very powerful.

They'll know the difference between space garbage

and whatever we are.

You're telling us this now?

Yes, I'm telling you this now.

Also, they won't hesitate to fire missiles

when they spot us coming.

Shapesmith...?

Yes, those. Look.

Th-Those are the missiles I was talking about.

Don't we have shields or something?

This isn't Star Trek. We're unarmed.

Everyone, close to me. Now!

Half pepperoni, half mushroom,

an order of garlic knots and some wings.

Two garlic knots.

Two garlic knots.

Uh-oh.

No, no, no. Keep ordering, Rae.

Cecil's just checking in to say hi, right?

Cecil? Right?

- Oh, God. - We need a plan.

I'm gonna barf.

Close your damn eyes, then.

Please, calm down.

We have enough oxygen for at least ten minutes.

I'm not sure I can hold this together for ten minutes.

Everyone who can fly, push towards the ship.

Hello, fellow Martians.

Nice to see you all again.

I was just on Earth and, um...

Earth? You're the one!

You let all of this happen!

I know he is the cause of all this,

but we are here to help.

You're humans. They'll enslave you immediately.

We're not like the rest of our kind.

- We can withstand them... - Ugh!

- Gross. - No!

Got it.

They share minds! Now all the sequids know you're here!

You got any instructions, boss?

Mm, get a soda.

And relax.

The king has a plan.

Those are nuclear blast doors.

Impenetrable from the outside.

We sealed the tunnel, so there's no other way in.

Now, we just sit here and wait

for the government to comply with our demands.

Otherwise, New York,

Los Angeles,

Chicago...

Die fast, assholes.

My pizza's getting cold.

Ah, humans.

You think you can stop us? You cannot.

You.

We remember you.

We can't pierce your skin.

No matter. There will be others for our purposes.

Get them off him!

It's the only way.

There's too many!

We need a new plan.

I disrupted their nervous systems,

but they'll be awake again soon.

Kill as many as you can while they're out.

- Oh, shit. - Get close.

I thought...

These guys...

Were supposed...

To suck.

Hey, Kate!

Remember, whoever dies first pays for pizza.

Rex. R-Rae.

Help. Help.

Hold on!

Kate!

Oh, God, no!

Come on, Eve. You can do this.

Are you crazy?

I can use my suit to build an amplifier

for the pulse I used earlier.

It'll hopefully stun them long enough

for us to get Rus off this ship.

But you'll need to protect me until I'm done.

How long?

Five minutes.

You're gonna fucking pay for that.

Hey, idiot.

She doesn't stay small.

Yum.

Uh...

Oh, this isn't happening.

This isn't happening.

Jesus!

Fuck.

Hmm.

So brave.

But is it the brave man who survives

or is it the one who waits

until his opponent is too injured to fight?

Just do it, you prick.

You got this.

Come on, hold it together. You got this.

Can't hold it.

No. No, no, no. Eve!

Oh, wow.

Wow.

Oh, wow.

I'm not dead.

I was pretty sure I was dead.

Felt like I was dead.

This is...

Oh, this is a nice surprise.

Um...

Hello?

Hello?

Someone want to let me out of this, uh, thing?

Well, this is great.

Oh, no. Oh, I'm sorr... sorry! Oh, God, oh, crap.

Oh, I broke... I broke it. I broke it.

Oh, this thing, I bet this is... Oh, I bet this is expensive.

Oh, God.

Huh.

Huh.

Would you look at that?

I am glad to see you in one piece, Allen of Unopa.

Yeah. One very large and ripped piece.

Yes.

I'm afraid I owe you an apology.

When we brought you here after the Viltrumite attack,

I turned off your life-support machine

and left you to fend for yourself.

What? Why? W-Why would you do that?

I knew, without it, you would either die

or recover stronger than before.

I am sorry I gambled with your life,

but it has paid off.

You may now be able to stand your ground

against a Viltrumite.

Yeah, I doubt that.

They hit me so hard my eye came out.

I remember seeing that, like, from my own eye.

It was very strange.

You underestimate yourself, Allen.

Yeah, well, I appreciate your vote of confidence,

but I'm not gonna ask for a rematch anytime soon.

If I even see another Viltrumite, I'm gonna...

Holy shit. You're a Viltrumite?

No, I am something much worse.

I am the only Viltrumite to ever rebel against the empire.

At least, until you told me about Invincible.

Allen,

I need you to go back to Earth

and bring Invincible here.

He is the key to turning the tide of this war.