All language subtitles for Bobs Burgers s15e08 They Slug Horses, Dont They.eng

? ?

[Chariot over TV] These
picnic baskets that just came in

are mag-neigh-ficent.

They better be,
if we want Pickity Nickity

Picnic Supplikities to be

the hottest picnic
supplies store on the planet!

Hey, hey, hey,
calm down, Peggy-sis.

-Sorry.
-Great, now I want hay.

-Hi, guys.
-[all] Minnie!

A tisket, a tasket,

-a me in a basket?
-[laughter]

-Ha.
-So, in the Equestranauts reboot of the reboot,

they're not even
dumb superheroes

saving the world anymore?

They just sell picnic stuff?

Yeah, but it's
a competitive market.

There are, like,
six picnic stores in town.

[Chariot] Look, everybody,
it's our newest employee

Helen Oats.

[all]
Hi, Helen Oats.

Hi, sorry I'm late for my shift.

I was busy studying
to become a horse surgeon

at the horse orphanage hospital,
Horsphanage Medical.

-Oh, Tina,
that's the horse you bought. -Yep.

-I pay attention.
-Oh, yeah.

You were very excited
when that package came.

That box was unrecyclable
after what you did to it.

[grunting]

Want to help me stock
the new picnic blankets?

Um, what do you think?
[laughs]

Oh, Tina, look at the horse
with the glasses.

-She's cool like us.
-That's Helen Oats.

I got the figurine last week.

She's studying to be
a horse surgeon

so she can help horphans.

She's sort of my hero.

Aww, my kind,
sweet-hearted girl.

Hey, you know
how you kids could help

a bunch of unfortunate animals

is to come set the table
for dinner.

-Eh, I don't know.
-You mean all the way over there?

-Okay.
-Thank you, Tina.

[sighs] Great, Tina,
now you're making us look bad.

Oh, s- uh, s-sorry?

Well, then, why don't
you come help, Louise?

Oh, Mother, I would love to,
but I am swamped right now,

taking stock of my Burobu guys,

making notes about
their defensive capabilities.

-Uh-huh.
-Like Slug Army Knife here.

He has a death saw and
three different murder blades,

and he also has tweezers,
so, impressed?

Sure. Okay, then you two
are clearing the table.

-Uh-huh.
-Just call me George Clear-ney.

No, Clear Danes. No, Clear-dence
Clear-table Revival!

[Louise]
Okay, I think

it's battle o'clock.

We got the Saltan army
over here,

mortal enemy to slugs.

We got our Burobu army
over here,

led by their fearless general,
Slug Army Knife. Hmm.

You know what
all the cool generals have?

Something to ride
into battle on.

Oh, I know.

[Gene]
I'm helping clean up by playing the spoons.

-Eh?
-[Bob] Mm, mm-mm.

-Not-not really.
-How about this?

[Bob]
That's pretty much the same.

-[Gene] This?
-Mm, no.

[Louise shouts]

Murder saw, tweezer.

[screaming]

[knocking on door]

Louise,
have you seen Helen Oats?

She's gone from my shelf.

Hmm. No.

Maybe you should go to sleep,

and check to see
if she's there in the morning?

Why are you only opening
the door that much?

Huh. Feels like a good amount.

Almost too much,
gonna close it a little...

[Tina]
Wait, what? T-There she is!

-[strains]
-It's weird, this door is stuck or something.

-Sorry, I got to just
keep it closed. -Louise...

-[both grunt]
-Do not use Helen Oats in your battle things.

-[grunts]
-I'll do it, I'll do it.

Just don't play with
her anymore. You'll break her,

-like you break everything.
-What?

-I don't break everything.
-My tea set?

Okay, yeah,
but it's not my fault

-those cups made great helmets.
-My jewelry box

with the little
ballet dancer inside?

[Louise]
I was playing Taken and I needed

-somebody to be tooken.
-My glasses?

[Louise] They fit evil scientist
melted Kuchi Kopi perfectly,

but then he unfortunately
fell to his death.

[shouts]
You're such a brat!

Well, excuse me
for trying to do something cool

with your boring horse from your
boring show for boring people.

-[grunts, gasps]
-Um...

Here, you forgot this.

[Linda]
Louise, apologize to your sister right now

-for taking her horse
and breaking it. -I didn't break it.

Like I said,
I borrowed it for my battle,

and I was giving it back

and Tina pulled on it
freakishly hard.

No, I didn't. I pulled on it
just the right amount.

And that's where all
the saltshakers went.

Yes, Dad, can we not make this
about you right now?

And I have a pepper shaker
under my bed to spice up

the food under my bed but that's
not the point, Father!

Apologize, Louise.

-Ugh.
-Forget it, Mom.

Louise isn't going to apologize.
She never apologizes.

What? I apologize all the time.

Like, Tina, I'm sorry
that you're being

-so dumb about this.
-Ugh.

Oh. I just remembered.

I read something
on this parenting blog

If You Build It, They Will Mom.

It was about
how to make apologizing

engaging and creative.

You have the kid
make an "I'm sorry" card.

Doesn't that sound fun?

-No.
-Yes, it does, and you're doing it.

-But I didn't break it.
-Okay, here are your options:

make an "I'm sorry" card- fun-
or you're grounded- not as fun.

So what's it gonna be?

[groans]

[screams]

[muttering] Little Miss
I'm So Kind and Sweet.

Thinks she's so great.

Hmm. Sorry card.

I'll give her
more than a sorry card,

and then she's gonna be sorry.

And here's your Pickity Nickity
Supplikities Toothpickities.

Thank you,
and please tell Helen Oats

that I hope
her tail heals quickly.

Of horse, we will.

And all clear.

-[beeps]
-To the secret sinister backroom.

Helen Oats, widely known for her
kindness and thoughtfulness,

identified her attacker as
her archnemesis Slug Army Knife,

who is reportedly, a total brat.

The case is sure to go before
our planet's highest court,

the Cosmic Council,
where, if convicted,

Slug Army Knife
would be put in the space pod

Uranus Esgroundedum,
and expelled

far out into the galaxy
to float around forever

with absolutely
no TV privileges.

Your plan is going perfectly,
Helen Oats.

[Tina's voice]
No duh, Chariot.

Now the Cosmic Council
will vote to expel

Slug Army Knife into
outer space, which is great,

'cause as we all know,
she's my archnemesis.

-Yep. Yep.
-Uh-huh. Uh-huh. -We're aware.

And all I had to do
was frame her

by breaking off my own tail.

But I put it back on
pretty good, right?

-Yeah, yeah. Totally. Yeah.
-Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Oh, darn it. Excuse me.

[toilet flushes]

Slug Army Knife?
What are you doing here?

[Louise's voice]
Number one, and also, looking for you.

-How'd you get in the building?
-I'm squishy.

Well, you know
who's looking for you?

Every officer on the planet.

'Cause of my little frame job,

everyone thinks
you're an evil brat.

A bratwurst, if you will.
[cackles]

Face it, I'm the good one,
you're the bad one.

And that's why you're going
to tell the Cosmic Council

you broke off your own tail.

What? Nuh-uh.

-W-What's happening?
-[strains] Slug-morphing.

-Ugh, just takes a second.
-Oh, no.

[muffled grunting]

Sorry, it's hard to hear you
'cause you're all tied up,

but I'm sure you're saying,
"Good luck."

Goodbye.

You ripped off your own tail?

To frame Slug Army Knife?

Yes, sirree.
Slug Army Knife is innocent.

And great.

Aww, I got excited
about launching the pod.

Yeah, this sucks.

Well, launch me,
Helen Oats, the bad one,

in the Uranus Esgroundedum, eh?

-Really?
-Sure.

-All right.
-Yes!

So, yeah, whenever you're ready,

I'll just be tied up
in the secret back bathroom

at Pickity Nickity
Picnic Supplikities.

And, oh, I might deny
all of this then,

but that'll just be me
lying again.

[laughs]
Okay, bye.

No. No. No!

Three, two, one, blast 'em offs.

Ow. Splinter.

Allow me.

-Tweezers.
-Aww, thank you.

You're not at all a brat.

She's not a brat.

And my "I'm sorry" card is done.

[cackles]

Okay, too much, too much.

? ?

Damn it.
[sighs]

[Louise]
Excuse me for trying to do something cool

with your boring horse from your
boring show for boring people.

[echoing]
Boring people. Boring people.

-[Linda] Okay, okay.
-[Young Tina laughs]

Support her little head, honey.

Don't let it fall off.
Just kidding.

That's your little sister,
sweetie.

-Aww, she loves you.
-[screams, crying]

-[grunting]
-Okay.

Taking her back,
taking her back now.

[grunts, farts]

[sniffs]
Oof, Gene.

I hold baby?

-Oh, uh...
-Uh...

-Uh, no.
-Eh, maybe-maybe no.

Peekaboo. Peekaboo.

-Peekaboo.
-[gasps] She rolled over.

-Bob, Louise rolled over.
-[Bob] Really?

[laughs] Yeah.
She rolled away from Tina.

I mean, I mean, not away
from you, Tina. Towards you.

-In a different direction.
-[grunts, farts]

"Hey, Mr. Bear,
you want to make a bet?"

"I don't gamble."

"No, silly, an alpha-bet."

-? A-B-C-D... ?
-[farting]

[laughs]

[Linda]
She'll come around.

You'll see.
You're her big sister.

-Aww, my sweet, kind girl.
-[distant fart]

-[Louise laughs]
-[moans]

-[sighs]
-[knocking on door]

[Louise]
Tina? It's Louise.

I have that "I'm sorry" card
here for you.

Oh, uh, coming.

-Whoa.
-Yeah, it got long.

Oh, okay. Um, thanks, Louise.

[whispering]
Oh, wow, look at that. Bob. Bob.

-Come see how great
my idea worked. -[Bob] What?

Louise, I'm-I'm sorry, too.

Bob, come quick.

Now Tina's apologizing
for stuff.

-I did this.
-[Bob] Okay. Coming.

-I'm proud of you, Mom.
Dad, be more like Mom. -Mm.

I'm sorry I called you
a, um, uh...

Huh? Is this supposed
to be me as Helen Oats?

"Ripped off my own tail"? Wait.

I'm the bad one?
I get launched into space

in Uranus Esgroundedum?

-Uh, what?
-Uh-oh.

Anyway,
"I'm sorry" card delivered,

obligation met,
I bid you all good eve.

[shouts] Well, now I'm gonna
make you an "I'm sorry" card.

-Good job?
-At least you still have your favorite boy.

Now let's go pumice our feet.

[Tina strains]
Dragging, dragging...

Sawing, sawing...

[muffled grunting]
Help! Help!

Slug Army Knife, she tied us up.

She tied me up, too.
And I'm pretty sure

she's in front of
the Cosmic Council right now

disguised as me telling them
that I broke off my own tail

-to frame her.
-But you would never do that.

You're studying to be
a horse surgeon,

-for grass sake.
-You're damn right.

I've got to go talk
to the Cosmic Council now.

But to get
to Cosmic Council Hall,

you'll have to go through
Burobu territory.

What if you run into one of
Slug Army Knife's slimy goons?

Well, maybe no one
has to know it's me.

I'm gonna need picnic blankets
and plastic champagne flutes.

Yay, a picnic.

-No, it's-it's not that.
-Aww, crap.

? ?

[Tina's voice]
Hi, hello, afternoon.

Great day to be a slug, huh?
[chuckles]

Whoa, where did these
horse legs come from?

-Helen Oats. It's Helen Oats!
-Damn it.

[squishing]

Okeydokey.

[grunting]

Kick. Smack. Kick. Kick.

You're gonna need
to see a doctor.

Uh, a-a different doctor
than me,

'cause I'm in pediatrics.

Front leg! Back legs!
Front legs! Back legs!

Feeling a bit sluggish?
[chuckles]

Hmm?

Kick! Smack! Kick! Smack!

Beat it, slimeball.

Roundhouse tail whip!

[shouts]

[Louise's voice]
Okay, bye-bye. [shouts]

[Tina's voice] Hello.
I would have been here earlier,

but I was tied up.

Doesn't matter.
Anything you say now

will just look like backtracking
to save your own horse hide.

Here's what's gonna happen:
you're gonna go back in there,

and you're gonna
tell them everything,

or I break your tail off.

You wouldn't. You're too nice.

Try me.

[snorts]

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
Ow! Ow! Ow!

[Linda] Three, two, one,
blast 'em offs.

Out with the fool,
and we're keeping the cool.

Hmm.

I'm pooping.

[Bob]
Gene, you don't have to tell us

every time, buddy.

[Gene]
I don't have to tell you.

I'm being generous!

? ?

[scissors snipping]

[Linda]
Ooh, cutting out that hair.

Cutting out that jacket.

Cutting out the word "inspiring"

'cause that's inspiring to me.

-[shouts]
-[shouts]

Mom, Gayle's spying on me again!

-[Gayle] No, I'm not.
-You're so creepy.

Ooh. Hi, handsome guy
in a yellow tracksuit

laughing with a cute girl

I'm cutting out
of the picture. Bye.

-He's my boyfriend.
-Go away!

-No!
-Get out, get out, get out.

[muttering]

[snoring]

Yes. Yes.

Yes.

[shouts]
Oh. Oh, God.

Damn it, Gayle!

Ma!

Huh.

Hello.

Hi, Gayle.

I brought soup.

Oh. Uh, the kids already ate,

but, uh, that looks good.

It's-it's dripping a little.

Hey, thanks for
coming over to watch 'em

while we go to this
parent-teacher thing.

We usually have Tina babysit,
but we were worried

she and Louise
might kill each other

if we leave them alone.

Yeah, that's a real possibility,

so good luck with that.

It's bad this time.

Please don't let it turn into

a Scarelli sisters situation.

Oh, the Scarelli sisters.

Who are the Scarelli sisters?

Seriously, Bob?

I'm sorry, I don't know who-

It's these two sisters
we went to high school with.

They only
hung out with each other,

and they would always
drive to school together

in the older one's green Beetle.

The car, Bob. Not the bug.

Yeah, Gayle, I figured.

Anyway, one day, the younger one

took the Beetle out-

Not the band The Beatles, Bob.

No, I get it, Gayle.

She took the Beetle out

without the older one's
permission,

and then crashed it
into a brick wall.

Wham! There was a poster
for a Wham! concert

on the wall she crashed into.

The younger sister was fine,

but their relationship
never recovered.

They stopped
hanging out together,

and when the older one
graduated,

she moved as far away
as possible. To Buffalo.

That's almost Canada, Bob.

And from what I've heard,
they never spoke again.

Never... spoke... again.

Wow. That's-that's sad.

It's awful. They're sisters.

Yeah. Linda and I would never
stop talking to each other,

even with all the crap
she's put me through.

Right. Right. Okay, we gotta go.

Uh, thanks again, Gayle.

Gayle, maybe you should

-get a towel for the-
-Oh, thank you, Bob,

-but no, that's okay.
-All right.

Bye, kids! Stay out of my room!
You too, Gayle.

-I know you go in there.
-We'll see.

Bye. Have fun.

And don't worry,
it's all gonna be fine.

[both straining]

Give me back Slug Army Knife.
I know you took him!

Payback is a "B" word!

Sorry for cursing, Aunt Gayle.

Everybody calm down. Calm down!

I am in control
of the situation.

Oh, my God, I'm freaking out!

I'm freaking out!

911! 911! Help! Help!

Sorry about that.

I'm fine now.
So, let me tell you about

my cats, your cousins,

Mr. Business
and Jean Paw'd Van Damme.

I know from the outside,

it looks like
a perfect relationship,

but they actually have
an intense rivalry,

mostly based on tail girth.

Mr. Business's is thicker.

-[Gene] I knew it.
-So, when they have a fight,

what I do for them is create

a relaxing, playful,
loving environment,

and soon we're all just
purring together

and we can finally communicate.

Tell me, do you
have any scratching posts?

I just use
the corner of the couch.

Great. Now,
do you have any string?

Dental floss okay?
'Cause we've got plenty of that

-and no plans to use it.
-That'll work.

Tina, if you harm a hair
on Slug Army Knife's head,

-so help me.
-Oh, you mean like,

I don't know,
break its tail off?

-Did you?
-Maybe.

No, I didn't. But maybe I did.

I-I-I didn't. Because
I don't do stuff like that.

Uh, girls, why don't we wait
for the string, huh? Gene!

Everybody thinks you're so nice.

You're not.
You called me a brat.

You think I'm a selfish brat.

That's mean. You're mean.

You're mean.
You think I'm boring.

-What are you talking about?
-Oh, just the fact

that you think I watch boring
shows and I'm a boring person

and you've thought that
since the day you were born.

I'm sick of trying to be
cool enough for you.

Gene? Buddy?

The string?

I'm looking! I'm looking!

Face it, we're just
very different people.

Exactly. I mean, who even knows
if we'd be friends

if we weren't
in the same family.

Okay, I'm just gonna start

rubbing you both
behind the ears.

Maybe the best thing is just
to not talk anymore. Ever.

No. No, no, no, no.

Great idea. Gayle,
quit your tickle- Stop it.

We'll just be two people
not talking to each other

that happen to live in
the same house

and eat meals together
and use the same toilet.

Fine, but at different times.

Couldn't find the floss,
but I found an extension cord.

It was plugged into
a lot of stuff

in Mom and Dad's room,
but I'm sure it's fine.

Ah! Oh, boy. Scarelli sisters.

Who are the Scarelli sisters?

Oh, long story.

Do you want to tell it

while you dangle this
extension cord in front of me?

Okay, sure.

[grunting]

? ?

[grunts]

[Gayle]
Where are you?

Ooh, look at this.

[sniffs]

-[Gene] Uh, hi?
-Hi.

That's a good one.
A lot of Mom on that one.

I'm actually looking
for something else.

[gasps]
Oh, my gosh. Here it is.

I knew she would still have it.

Whoa.

Tina? Louise?

Can you two come out here?

I want to show you something.
Girls?

Please? [sighs]

How am I gonna get them
to come out of there?

I have a really great idea.

-[Gene] ? Spoon, spoon,
spoon, spoon ? -[Gayle] ? Spoon, spoon, spoon ?

-? Spoon, spoon, spoon, spoon,
spoon ? -? Spoon, spoon, spoon, spoon ?

-? We're gonna spoon, spoon ?
-? Spoon, spoon, spoon ?

[both]
? All night long ?

? Come out of your room ?

? 'Cause you know
we're gonna spoon ?

-? Spoon, spoon, spoon ?
-? Spoon, spoon, spoon ?

-Okay, stop! Just please stop!
-Okay, make it stop!

Whoa.

-Whoa.
-[Gayle] Yeah.

[Louise]
It's terrifying. And glorious.

[Gene]
Like my hmm-hmm.

Is that you and Mom?

Yeah, I made it
when we were kids.

I took one of
your mom's collages

'cause I was mad at her
for calling me creepy,

and I, uh, art-ed on it.

Why did you art on it?

Well, I guess
I did it out of love.

Angry love. I was
a little obsessed with her,

but also I was annoyed with her

'cause she was annoyed with me

'cause I was a little creepy.

Back then, not now.

What did Mom say
when she saw it?

Was she scared?
I'm a little scared.

Well, at first she was mad
that I messed up her collage,

but then... look.

She kept it all these years.

How'd you know she still had it?

'Cause I creep through
her stuff. Sometimes.

Why do you think Mom kept it?

Look at it.

It's good. Plus, she's kind of

creepily into me, too, I think.

-She is?
-Yeah, we're sisters.

It's like the person
you love the most,

who you also want to kill,
but you don't

'cause you love 'em so much.

But you could,
and they know that

because you
made a collage about it.

A different one.
She didn't keep that one.

-[Gene] Hmm.
-I guess what I'm trying to say

is being sisters can be weird,

to be so close

but sometimes feel

a million miles away
from each other.

I- Just try not
to drift too far, okay?

And also, brothers are great.

Eh, I mean, sure.

-[door opens]
-Crap, crap, crap.

Your parents are home.
You're supposed to be asleep.

Go to bed, go to bed.

We never spoke.

I don't know you.

? ?

[Linda]
Okay, so,

since you two can't
seem to get along

and, frankly, it's starting
to get on everybody's nerves,

we've converted this other pod,
Uranus Esgroundedum 2,

like we did with number 1.

From party pod to penal pod.

-Penal pod.
-And just so you know,

all the controls in there
are completely chained up.

Don't even attempt to use
your murder saw on those chains,

-they're unbreakable.
-Aah!

Anyway, three,

two, one,

blast 'em offs!

? ?

? ?

[straining]

[straining]

? ?

? Do you want to play ?

? Outer space? ?

? Sorry about before ?

? When I scratched your face ?

? It's the seventh time today ?

? You kicked me out of
your room ?

? You're still the only one ?

? I want to take to the moon ?

? So won't you promise ?

? We'll never drift too far? ?

? Won't you promise ?

? We'll never drift too far? ?

? Won't you promise
we'll never drift too far? ?

? 'Cause you're my star. ?

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