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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,439 Download movie subtitles or Load it directly from url on TheSubtitles.net 2 00:00:02,539 --> 00:00:04,306 (Knocking) 3 00:00:10,792 --> 00:00:13,994 Hi, Johnny. Can we come in for a moment? 4 00:00:14,029 --> 00:00:15,395 Yes. Yes. 5 00:00:17,331 --> 00:00:19,733 Thank you. Hello. 6 00:00:19,768 --> 00:00:21,434 Oh, hi. 7 00:00:21,469 --> 00:00:23,336 Is everything okay? 8 00:00:23,371 --> 00:00:25,104 (Emotional) We've got some sad news. 9 00:00:25,139 --> 00:00:28,975 Uh... someone very close has died. 10 00:00:29,009 --> 00:00:31,844 - (Winces) Sorry. - Oh... 11 00:00:31,879 --> 00:00:34,147 You remember Bob? 12 00:00:34,182 --> 00:00:37,150 No... 13 00:00:37,185 --> 00:00:39,085 You broke into his cabin and had sex 14 00:00:39,119 --> 00:00:42,155 while he and his wife were in the next room. 15 00:00:42,189 --> 00:00:44,256 Oh... (Realizing) That's Bob. 16 00:00:44,291 --> 00:00:46,559 Yeah, Bob, who was on the town council. 17 00:00:46,593 --> 00:00:49,162 He's on the town council, yeah... Oh, Bob died? 18 00:00:49,196 --> 00:00:50,963 Tsk, tsk, tsk. 19 00:00:50,998 --> 00:00:53,933 No. No, not Bob. Bob's brother, Carl, died. 20 00:00:56,403 --> 00:00:58,805 (Awkward silence) 21 00:01:01,108 --> 00:01:03,041 I don't know Carl. 22 00:01:03,076 --> 00:01:05,811 We barely know Bob. 23 00:01:05,845 --> 00:01:08,314 Carl thought so highly of you, Johnny. 24 00:01:08,348 --> 00:01:11,483 Oh... really. Well, that's nice. 25 00:01:11,518 --> 00:01:13,285 No, I honestly don't know the man. 26 00:01:13,320 --> 00:01:15,688 Well, understandably, Bob is uh... 27 00:01:15,722 --> 00:01:17,856 Pretty broken up by all of this 28 00:01:17,890 --> 00:01:21,793 and he asked me to ask you if you'd be willing to um... 29 00:01:21,828 --> 00:01:25,731 be a pallbearer at Carl's funeral. 30 00:01:25,765 --> 00:01:28,466 A pallbearer... Mm-hmm. 31 00:01:28,500 --> 00:01:32,904 at Carl's funeral. Well, I don't, um... 32 00:01:32,939 --> 00:01:35,741 I, you know, I-I'm flattered. 33 00:01:35,775 --> 00:01:37,709 It's-it's quite an honour to be- 34 00:01:37,744 --> 00:01:39,144 - I knew he would say yes. - Yeah. 35 00:01:39,178 --> 00:01:41,880 And-and normally I would... I would. 36 00:01:41,914 --> 00:01:44,715 I-I-I, you know, but my back. I have uh... 37 00:01:44,750 --> 00:01:46,884 I... I-I have back issues. 38 00:01:46,918 --> 00:01:48,352 - Honey? You know, my back. - What? 39 00:01:48,386 --> 00:01:49,586 - The thing with my back. - Your back! 40 00:01:49,621 --> 00:01:52,389 Oh, it's... it's terrible. 41 00:01:52,423 --> 00:01:56,260 And his arms are so weak. Little muscles like corn nuts. 42 00:01:56,294 --> 00:01:58,262 Yeah, yeah, we're just talking about my back, sweetheart. 43 00:01:58,296 --> 00:02:00,530 It's awful. 44 00:02:00,565 --> 00:02:02,466 I don't know what we're gonna tell Bob. 45 00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:05,236 He's gonna be so disappointed. 46 00:02:05,270 --> 00:02:08,571 Yeah... yeah. Well, life can kick you in the teeth sometimes. 47 00:02:08,605 --> 00:02:12,008 Mm. Well, that's not gonna help Bob out too much there, Johnny. 48 00:02:12,042 --> 00:02:14,043 Mm. Yeah. Shouldn't bother Carl. 49 00:02:15,846 --> 00:02:21,651 - Synced and corrected by ChrisKe - - www.addic7ed.com - 50 00:02:21,685 --> 00:02:23,552 (Baby wails outside) 51 00:02:32,528 --> 00:02:35,964 (Car doors open and close) 52 00:02:35,999 --> 00:02:37,766 (Bottles clatter) 53 00:02:37,801 --> 00:02:39,921 (Screaming) I said bring the goddamn diaper bag! 54 00:02:39,936 --> 00:02:42,871 Uh, babe, I'm getting the cooler right now 55 00:02:42,906 --> 00:02:44,439 in case you didn't notice. 56 00:02:44,473 --> 00:02:45,640 Well, Denim has needed a diaper change 57 00:02:45,675 --> 00:02:47,475 since before we left the house! 58 00:02:47,510 --> 00:02:49,077 Oh my God. 59 00:02:49,112 --> 00:02:50,879 What? 60 00:02:50,914 --> 00:02:53,881 Some townie douchebag is moving in next door. 61 00:02:53,916 --> 00:02:57,618 They've got a baby. 62 00:02:57,652 --> 00:02:58,219 (Loud blast outside, David gasps, terrified) 63 00:02:58,253 --> 00:02:59,553 Agh! (Gasps) 64 00:02:59,587 --> 00:03:00,955 Is there a gun? 65 00:03:00,989 --> 00:03:02,423 (Baby wails) 66 00:03:02,457 --> 00:03:03,590 (Frustrated scream) 67 00:03:03,625 --> 00:03:05,993 (Bottle crashes and shatters) 68 00:03:06,028 --> 00:03:07,228 - Oh... no. - Jesus! What the hell did you 69 00:03:07,262 --> 00:03:09,030 - throw that for?! - It's still too hot. 70 00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:11,065 It's 20 seconds in the microwave not 20 minutes, you tool! 71 00:03:11,099 --> 00:03:13,200 You've lost it. You've lost it. 72 00:03:13,234 --> 00:03:16,002 What the hell are you so rattled about? 73 00:03:16,037 --> 00:03:19,539 (Bag thumps loudly, baby wails outside) 74 00:03:19,573 --> 00:03:21,842 - What are you doing? - Um, I'm gonna go stay at Ted's 75 00:03:21,876 --> 00:03:23,676 because I've been on enough spring breaks 76 00:03:23,711 --> 00:03:27,513 to know how this is gonna end, and it's not... not good. 77 00:03:27,548 --> 00:03:29,782 You're just gonna leave me here with these people?! 78 00:03:29,817 --> 00:03:31,751 Yeah. Like I don't feel good about it. 79 00:03:31,785 --> 00:03:34,387 Um, hello! Hello! 80 00:03:34,421 --> 00:03:36,756 Is anybody in that hollow chest? 81 00:03:36,790 --> 00:03:38,358 (Baby wails outside) 82 00:03:38,392 --> 00:03:41,293 (Birds chirp) 83 00:03:41,328 --> 00:03:43,563 (Door opens, door bells jingle) 84 00:03:46,467 --> 00:03:49,935 Hey, Bob. How are you holding up? 85 00:03:49,970 --> 00:03:51,904 Oh... you know. Not bad. 86 00:03:54,741 --> 00:03:56,175 You know, they say death is just life 87 00:03:56,209 --> 00:03:58,377 except you're not here. 88 00:03:58,411 --> 00:04:01,146 You're somewhere else, you know? But... 89 00:04:01,181 --> 00:04:03,815 But that's okay because at least you're somewhere, 90 00:04:03,850 --> 00:04:04,984 you know? But when does... 91 00:04:05,018 --> 00:04:07,219 When does somewhere become there? 92 00:04:07,254 --> 00:04:09,388 And when does there become here? 93 00:04:09,422 --> 00:04:10,655 - And I... it - Just, just a coffee, please. 94 00:04:10,690 --> 00:04:11,390 - For here? - Yeah. 95 00:04:11,424 --> 00:04:12,424 Okay. 96 00:04:14,593 --> 00:04:17,828 (Music plays quietly, dishes and cutlery clink) 97 00:04:20,332 --> 00:04:22,100 (Gasps) Bob. 98 00:04:22,134 --> 00:04:24,769 - Hi, Johnny. - Oh, hi... hi. 99 00:04:24,803 --> 00:04:27,138 You mind if I join you? 100 00:04:27,172 --> 00:04:28,873 I could use a little company today. 101 00:04:28,908 --> 00:04:31,509 Oh, no, no. You-you stay where you are 102 00:04:31,543 --> 00:04:34,712 and I'll... I'll come over there. 103 00:04:34,746 --> 00:04:36,213 (Grimacing and grunting) Oh! Ooh, baby. 104 00:04:36,247 --> 00:04:37,782 Ooh, wow. Ugh. 105 00:04:40,385 --> 00:04:44,789 Yikes! That's... That hurts today. 106 00:04:44,823 --> 00:04:48,258 Yeah, Roland, he told me about your back and I... 107 00:04:48,293 --> 00:04:50,227 I am so sorry. 108 00:04:50,261 --> 00:04:52,662 Well... well, I'm the one who's sorry, Bob. 109 00:04:52,696 --> 00:04:56,800 You know, hearing about your, uh, brother... C-C-Chris- 110 00:04:56,834 --> 00:04:59,002 - Carl. - Carl. Yeah, he was a good man. 111 00:04:59,037 --> 00:05:00,703 A good man. He admired you, Johnny. 112 00:05:00,738 --> 00:05:01,805 And I him. Yeah. 113 00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:03,640 And I him. 114 00:05:03,674 --> 00:05:05,875 Listen, uh, I understand about your back... 115 00:05:05,910 --> 00:05:07,978 Yeah... (Grimaces) 116 00:05:08,012 --> 00:05:11,181 And... I was just uh.. Just wondering 117 00:05:11,215 --> 00:05:14,250 if, uh, maybe you could say a few words at the funeral? 118 00:05:14,284 --> 00:05:16,920 (Coughs) 119 00:05:16,954 --> 00:05:19,322 Well, the thing, uh, the thing is, uh, Bob, 120 00:05:19,356 --> 00:05:22,559 I-I-I don't feel I deserve that... honor. 121 00:05:22,593 --> 00:05:26,028 Oh, see, I'm uh... I'm no good at these things. 122 00:05:26,063 --> 00:05:29,231 You know, you, you're... You're polished. 123 00:05:29,266 --> 00:05:31,100 You know, you're... You're well-spoken. 124 00:05:31,134 --> 00:05:33,069 Oh no. No, no. Not really. Not really. 125 00:05:33,103 --> 00:05:35,605 I mean, I'm good one on one, 126 00:05:35,639 --> 00:05:37,539 but not-not good in a public situation. 127 00:05:37,574 --> 00:05:38,941 I clam up pret-pretty good. 128 00:05:38,976 --> 00:05:41,143 As a favor, Johnny. 129 00:05:41,178 --> 00:05:43,245 He must have had a few close friends, 130 00:05:43,280 --> 00:05:46,515 - somebody that - No one. 131 00:05:46,549 --> 00:05:49,452 Well, sure. Sure. I can say a few words, Bob. 132 00:05:49,486 --> 00:05:52,721 I'll say a few words. 133 00:05:52,755 --> 00:05:55,824 (Music plays quietly, approaching footsteps) 134 00:05:55,859 --> 00:05:58,494 Have you seen the couple that checked in? 135 00:05:58,528 --> 00:06:02,531 They're like really scummy. Like... very skaggy people, 136 00:06:02,565 --> 00:06:05,400 who happened to produce a child 137 00:06:05,434 --> 00:06:07,302 that hasn't been taken away from them yet. 138 00:06:07,336 --> 00:06:08,871 Imagine being related to them. 139 00:06:08,905 --> 00:06:10,639 No, I can't. It's too early. 140 00:06:10,673 --> 00:06:15,210 - They're my cousins. - Oh! Well, the um... 141 00:06:15,244 --> 00:06:17,545 The baby's relatively normal looking. 142 00:06:17,579 --> 00:06:18,946 No, no they're definitely skaggy. 143 00:06:18,981 --> 00:06:22,282 My God, they're so skaggy. 144 00:06:22,317 --> 00:06:24,418 Hmm. Wait, so you're related to Carl? 145 00:06:24,452 --> 00:06:26,654 Not genetically. 146 00:06:26,688 --> 00:06:30,090 My mom's sister was married to Carl. Carl is Sean's step-dad. 147 00:06:30,125 --> 00:06:31,526 And was that a factor in the cause of death? 148 00:06:31,560 --> 00:06:34,094 I wouldn't be surprised. 149 00:06:34,129 --> 00:06:36,530 They broke up just before Sean got Bree pregnant. 150 00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:38,999 Or someone got Bree pregnant. 151 00:06:39,033 --> 00:06:41,034 I mean, Bree's not exactly fussy 152 00:06:41,068 --> 00:06:44,037 when it comes to introducing men to her vagina. 153 00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:45,471 Mm. Charming. 154 00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:48,241 (Car rumbles by) 155 00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:50,877 (Bag thumps on chair) 156 00:06:50,912 --> 00:06:53,947 Tell me it's not always this clean in here. 157 00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:55,015 No, it's-it's always this clean. 158 00:06:55,049 --> 00:06:57,716 Oh... it smells so fresh! 159 00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,585 Uh... that's the Febreeze. 160 00:06:59,619 --> 00:07:01,787 I was... I was eating Indian last night, so... 161 00:07:01,821 --> 00:07:04,323 So much better than the motel. 162 00:07:04,358 --> 00:07:07,026 At least you know what the smell is. 163 00:07:07,061 --> 00:07:08,994 (Squeals happily) 164 00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:10,029 (Kissing) 165 00:07:12,732 --> 00:07:14,100 (Paws skitter across on floor) 166 00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:15,900 Oh, ho-oh! Oh... (Laughs) 167 00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:18,002 Hey, come on now, you two, Oh, hi! Hi. 168 00:07:18,037 --> 00:07:20,638 - Come on. - Hi there. Ooh! 169 00:07:20,673 --> 00:07:24,042 Oh-ho-ho... there's a good girl. There's a good girl! 170 00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:27,845 - They're so... - Well, Macy and Fifer are just staying with me 171 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,314 for a couple of weeks until they get back on their feet. 172 00:07:29,348 --> 00:07:31,283 Isn't that right, Fifey? 173 00:07:31,317 --> 00:07:33,518 Yeah, your worms are almost all gone, aren't they? 174 00:07:33,553 --> 00:07:35,419 Yeah... 175 00:07:35,454 --> 00:07:37,521 Is that a diaper on that little cutie? 176 00:07:37,556 --> 00:07:40,691 Yup. Oh! You know what though? Whoa -'kay. This is just... 177 00:07:40,725 --> 00:07:42,759 This is because she's... She's... She's scared right now. 178 00:07:42,794 --> 00:07:44,295 But don't worry. 179 00:07:44,329 --> 00:07:46,330 I can tell that you are gonna win them over. 180 00:07:46,364 --> 00:07:48,566 - Yeah... ? - Yeah. 181 00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:51,935 I just-I haven't um... been... I haven't-I don't- 182 00:07:51,970 --> 00:07:53,769 I'm not around dogs a lot, so... (Laughs nervously) 183 00:07:53,804 --> 00:07:54,670 No, you know what? Don't even worry about. 184 00:07:54,705 --> 00:07:56,906 Just... for tonight, 185 00:07:56,940 --> 00:07:59,476 think of them as... our kids. (Dogs pant) 186 00:07:59,510 --> 00:08:02,378 Right? Oh yeah... 187 00:08:02,413 --> 00:08:04,481 John, you're speaking at the funeral? 188 00:08:04,515 --> 00:08:07,217 The man was weeping. What was I supposed to do? 189 00:08:07,251 --> 00:08:08,884 You take his hands in yours, 190 00:08:08,919 --> 00:08:12,154 you look him in the eye, and say, "no." 191 00:08:12,188 --> 00:08:14,823 What do you say about guy you couldn't care less about? 192 00:08:14,857 --> 00:08:17,593 Oh, it's Gord what's-his-name's funeral all over again. 193 00:08:17,627 --> 00:08:18,827 - Who's Gord what's-his-name? - Exactly. 194 00:08:18,861 --> 00:08:21,430 He was some kind of crew-person on Sunrise Bay. 195 00:08:21,464 --> 00:08:24,833 I made an obligatory appearance at the service 196 00:08:24,867 --> 00:08:27,503 and his hysterical girlfriend cornered me into saying a few words. 197 00:08:27,537 --> 00:08:28,897 I didn't have a thought in my head, 198 00:08:28,904 --> 00:08:30,472 so I just stood up and sang "Danny Boy." 199 00:08:30,507 --> 00:08:31,839 Not a dry eye in the house. 200 00:08:31,873 --> 00:08:32,906 Huh... 201 00:08:32,941 --> 00:08:35,676 (Crickets chirp) 202 00:08:35,710 --> 00:08:37,345 God, I love this bed. 203 00:08:40,449 --> 00:08:42,550 I'm so glad you're not my brother. 204 00:08:42,584 --> 00:08:45,453 Yeah, yeah, I'm pretty glad about that too. 205 00:08:45,487 --> 00:08:48,489 But let me assure you, tonight it is just you and me. 206 00:08:48,524 --> 00:08:49,723 (Happy sigh) 207 00:08:49,758 --> 00:08:51,058 (Kissing) 208 00:08:54,828 --> 00:08:57,096 (Playful giggle, gasping) 209 00:08:57,131 --> 00:09:00,667 (Kissing) 210 00:09:00,701 --> 00:09:02,602 (Panting) Um... 211 00:09:02,637 --> 00:09:05,838 Hey, the little guy is looking at us. 212 00:09:05,873 --> 00:09:09,209 Oh, yeah, dogs sometimes do that. 213 00:09:09,243 --> 00:09:10,910 (Kissing) 214 00:09:12,813 --> 00:09:14,314 (Panting) 215 00:09:16,950 --> 00:09:21,421 Um... maybe we could invite it to... go? Go away. 216 00:09:21,455 --> 00:09:23,723 Oh, she's fine. She's fine. She's fine. 217 00:09:23,757 --> 00:09:25,524 (Kissing) 218 00:09:25,559 --> 00:09:27,994 (Collar jingles) 219 00:09:28,028 --> 00:09:31,163 Oh, now you want in on the action, too, huh? 220 00:09:31,197 --> 00:09:34,800 Okay, the... the big one is sniffing the diaper. 221 00:09:34,834 --> 00:09:36,534 Does... does that mean it's full? 222 00:09:36,569 --> 00:09:38,103 - Okay. - What is... ? 223 00:09:38,137 --> 00:09:40,939 Okay, you guys, just give us a little bit of time here 224 00:09:40,973 --> 00:09:44,209 and then you can come sleep with us, okay? Okay? 225 00:09:44,243 --> 00:09:46,044 Okay, where were we? 226 00:09:46,079 --> 00:09:47,713 - Hmm... - Mm... 227 00:09:47,747 --> 00:09:50,215 (Kissing, dogs start growling) 228 00:09:50,249 --> 00:09:52,483 (Barking) 229 00:09:52,518 --> 00:09:55,153 (Mouthing) Out! Out! 230 00:09:55,188 --> 00:09:58,388 (Dogs continue barking) 231 00:09:58,423 --> 00:10:01,826 (Loud rock music plays, people chatter and laugh) 232 00:10:01,860 --> 00:10:03,961 Pass the chips! 233 00:10:03,995 --> 00:10:06,363 (Beer bottles clink) 234 00:10:06,397 --> 00:10:08,298 (Knocking) Hello. Excuse me. 235 00:10:08,333 --> 00:10:09,499 (Loudly) Excuse me! 236 00:10:09,534 --> 00:10:10,901 - Hey! - Excuse me! 237 00:10:10,936 --> 00:10:13,170 - Hey! Go. - Excuse me, hi. 238 00:10:13,205 --> 00:10:14,872 Oh, Buttons, 239 00:10:14,906 --> 00:10:16,540 I don't think you're invited to this one, huh? 240 00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:18,474 I don't wanna be invited to this one. 241 00:10:18,508 --> 00:10:19,743 (Laughing) Hey, look who it is. It's your dad. 242 00:10:19,777 --> 00:10:21,211 - He's here to take you home! - Yeah, yeah... 243 00:10:21,245 --> 00:10:23,813 - Remember that?! - Yeah! (Laughs) 244 00:10:23,848 --> 00:10:24,547 You remember that one?! (Laughing) 245 00:10:24,581 --> 00:10:27,083 No. 246 00:10:27,118 --> 00:10:29,152 - I'm just pumpin' your tires, bud! - Okay. 247 00:10:29,186 --> 00:10:31,020 Look, what you gotta understand 248 00:10:31,055 --> 00:10:33,322 is that my ex-stepdad just died, 249 00:10:33,357 --> 00:10:35,859 so we're here celebrating his life, okay? 250 00:10:35,893 --> 00:10:38,261 Okay, you all seem very devastated by this. 251 00:10:38,295 --> 00:10:40,296 I need you to turn-mm. 252 00:10:40,330 --> 00:10:43,866 I need you to turn the music down, okay? 253 00:10:43,900 --> 00:10:47,536 Because I-I'm trying to get couple hours... Sleep tonight. 254 00:10:47,571 --> 00:10:50,906 Oh, sleep? Well, you know who's sleeping forever, bud? 255 00:10:50,940 --> 00:10:52,642 - Your ex-stepdad, yeah. - My ex-stepdad, yeah. 256 00:10:52,676 --> 00:10:55,210 - Yup, yeah. - Damn, that's sad... 257 00:10:55,245 --> 00:10:57,012 - Okay, thank you. If you could just turn it.. - Are we out of mix? 258 00:10:57,046 --> 00:10:58,713 Thank you. 259 00:11:00,917 --> 00:11:03,152 Oh my God. 260 00:11:03,186 --> 00:11:04,552 (Drunkenly) Don't... 261 00:11:04,587 --> 00:11:08,556 Oh my... (Mouths) Oh my God! 262 00:11:08,591 --> 00:11:10,025 I am so sorry. They got me... 263 00:11:12,162 --> 00:11:13,395 (Drunk whisper) They got me wasted. 264 00:11:13,429 --> 00:11:15,264 - Mm-hmm. - I hate them, okay? 265 00:11:15,298 --> 00:11:17,432 I hate them so much. 266 00:11:17,466 --> 00:11:21,035 You smell... very flammable right now. 267 00:11:21,069 --> 00:11:23,337 Yes, I'm sure... 268 00:11:23,371 --> 00:11:27,374 I'm gonna need you to get them to turn it down, okay? 269 00:11:27,409 --> 00:11:29,177 - Yes! - Yeah. 270 00:11:29,211 --> 00:11:31,345 (Music plays loudly, Sean laughs) 271 00:11:31,379 --> 00:11:34,615 - Hi, Denim. - Hi, sweetie pie. 272 00:11:34,649 --> 00:11:36,550 David, I so sorry. 273 00:11:49,623 --> 00:11:51,024 - Johnny. - Hello, Bob. 274 00:11:51,058 --> 00:11:53,659 Moira, so good of you to come. 275 00:11:53,694 --> 00:11:56,596 John said we had no choice. 276 00:11:56,630 --> 00:11:58,031 Listen, we have some good seats down front. 277 00:11:58,065 --> 00:11:59,185 Oh, that's very nice. 278 00:12:01,568 --> 00:12:05,337 Boy, what a beautiful day for a... funeral. 279 00:12:09,042 --> 00:12:11,243 (Low murmurs, organ music plays) 280 00:12:15,039 --> 00:12:18,408 Bob... in case I wanna mention this in my remarks, 281 00:12:18,442 --> 00:12:20,775 how-how did Carl go? 282 00:12:20,810 --> 00:12:24,246 Well, it was a bit of a freak accident, really. 283 00:12:24,280 --> 00:12:27,615 Apparently, he was trying to unhook his belt from the ceiling fan 284 00:12:27,650 --> 00:12:31,086 and... apparently it... It got knotted around his neck. 285 00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:32,854 (Alarmed) What? 286 00:12:32,888 --> 00:12:34,156 Yeah, you know, you'd think the whole thing 287 00:12:34,190 --> 00:12:36,391 would've come down, you know, 288 00:12:36,426 --> 00:12:41,662 keeping a fan and a body spinning up there for two days. 289 00:12:41,696 --> 00:12:45,032 But uh... Carl found the studs on that one. 290 00:12:45,067 --> 00:12:46,867 Oh... Yeah... (Chuckles) 291 00:12:46,901 --> 00:12:47,969 That's craftsmanship. 292 00:12:48,003 --> 00:12:50,104 Oh, yeah. 293 00:12:50,138 --> 00:12:53,007 But that uh... That was Carl. 294 00:12:53,041 --> 00:12:55,309 (Organ music plays, mourners murmur quietly) 295 00:12:58,879 --> 00:13:00,947 (Birds chirp) 296 00:13:00,982 --> 00:13:03,483 Do you even know what that stain is or... ? 297 00:13:03,517 --> 00:13:06,386 Uh... I'm worried if I did, I wouldn't clean it up. 298 00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:11,257 Why are you cleaning it up? 299 00:13:11,292 --> 00:13:16,029 Sadly, um, I threw most of the broken glass you see here. 300 00:13:16,063 --> 00:13:18,097 You were a bit of a mess last night. 301 00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:19,831 They told you? 302 00:13:19,866 --> 00:13:22,968 Oh, no, no. We had a full-blown conversation. 303 00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:25,537 You were barely clinging to consciousness. 304 00:13:25,571 --> 00:13:28,572 Oh. Sorry. 305 00:13:29,809 --> 00:13:31,877 Did I try and make out with you? 306 00:13:31,911 --> 00:13:34,746 - Mm-mm. - Good. 307 00:13:34,780 --> 00:13:37,149 But now I'm worried I made out with someone else. 308 00:13:37,183 --> 00:13:39,551 Uh, it's kind of my go-to when I'm a little boozy. 309 00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:43,287 Mm. Mine's shame eating, so yours sounds more fun. 310 00:13:43,322 --> 00:13:45,089 (Laughs) 311 00:13:45,124 --> 00:13:46,590 Huh. (Chuckles) 312 00:13:46,625 --> 00:13:49,227 Um... 313 00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:51,062 Is this your thong or... ? 314 00:13:51,096 --> 00:13:55,233 Yeah, no. Bree's a real classy girl. 315 00:13:55,267 --> 00:13:57,535 Uh, his was wrapped around the remote. 316 00:13:57,569 --> 00:13:59,170 Don't worry, I threw out the remote. 317 00:13:59,204 --> 00:14:00,638 Hmm. 318 00:14:02,874 --> 00:14:04,508 Well, it looks like they have a side hustle. 319 00:14:04,543 --> 00:14:07,945 Uh, I'm pretty sure she strips. Why? 320 00:14:07,979 --> 00:14:10,113 Oh no, this is just a lot of um... 321 00:14:10,148 --> 00:14:13,283 - Yes, it is. - Marijuana. (Sniffs) 322 00:14:13,317 --> 00:14:15,586 And if you're offering, my answer is yes. 323 00:14:15,620 --> 00:14:17,021 (Bag rustles) 324 00:14:22,193 --> 00:14:24,528 Thank you for that, Shannon. 325 00:14:24,562 --> 00:14:28,097 Nothing says we'll miss you like an excerpt from "Breaking Dawn," 326 00:14:28,131 --> 00:14:30,466 one of Carl's favourites of the Twilight movies. 327 00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:31,634 (Mourner cries, baby wails) 328 00:14:31,669 --> 00:14:34,303 Now, to say a few words, 329 00:14:34,337 --> 00:14:36,272 I'd like to bring up a close friend 330 00:14:36,306 --> 00:14:38,140 and one of Carl's personal heroes... 331 00:14:38,175 --> 00:14:39,943 (Baby wails) 332 00:14:39,977 --> 00:14:41,510 Johnny Rose. (Mourners clap and murmur) 333 00:14:44,747 --> 00:14:46,848 (Baby wails, mourner coughs) 334 00:14:50,053 --> 00:14:51,587 Thank you... minister. 335 00:14:53,656 --> 00:14:57,059 Carl... 336 00:14:57,093 --> 00:14:58,526 What to say about Carl... ? 337 00:15:00,997 --> 00:15:04,299 Once so full of life 338 00:15:04,333 --> 00:15:07,735 and now... lying... very, very close to me. 339 00:15:10,038 --> 00:15:11,706 What a terrible thing death is... 340 00:15:14,076 --> 00:15:17,078 And yet, for Carl, 341 00:15:17,112 --> 00:15:19,113 pretty much an all-consuming thing at this point. 342 00:15:19,147 --> 00:15:21,048 (Mourner cries) 343 00:15:21,083 --> 00:15:23,084 He-he was a- he was a man who loved... 344 00:15:25,186 --> 00:15:26,553 A good sweater I'm told. 345 00:15:29,056 --> 00:15:31,558 And-and he loved the feel of big tool in his hand, 346 00:15:31,593 --> 00:15:34,161 am I right, Bob? 347 00:15:34,195 --> 00:15:36,563 And I wonder, 348 00:15:36,598 --> 00:15:40,199 when Carl was spinning around on that ceiling fan 349 00:15:40,234 --> 00:15:42,935 that he was so very proud of, 350 00:15:42,969 --> 00:15:46,539 was he ever thinking of this town... 351 00:15:46,573 --> 00:15:49,342 where he was born where he lived, 352 00:15:49,376 --> 00:15:51,477 and where he died... Where he died. 353 00:15:55,382 --> 00:15:58,484 But I-I-I'm not up here today 354 00:15:58,519 --> 00:16:02,720 to speak about dying in Schitt's Creek. 355 00:16:02,755 --> 00:16:06,991 (Cell phone rings) I'm-I'm here-I'm- 356 00:16:07,026 --> 00:16:09,327 (Phone beeps on) (Bleep!) Where the hell are you, Sean?! 357 00:16:09,362 --> 00:16:11,630 At a bar?! 358 00:16:11,664 --> 00:16:13,298 If anyone should be in a bar right now, it's me. 359 00:16:13,332 --> 00:16:14,732 (Baby wails) 360 00:16:14,767 --> 00:16:17,169 (Bleep) Sean! (Mourners gasp) 361 00:16:17,203 --> 00:16:21,540 (Baby wails) Excuse me. 362 00:16:21,574 --> 00:16:25,075 Well... I-I am here to talk about dying in Schitt's Creek! 363 00:16:25,109 --> 00:16:28,679 I'm here to talk about the misery of our lives here 364 00:16:28,713 --> 00:16:31,715 and how we might never escape this place, 365 00:16:31,749 --> 00:16:34,652 and how we do not wanna end up in a coffin, like Carl, 366 00:16:34,686 --> 00:16:37,754 here in this... godforsaken- 367 00:16:37,789 --> 00:16:41,158 ♪ Oh, Danny boy, ♪ 368 00:16:43,461 --> 00:16:48,799 ♪ the pipes, the pipes are calling... ♪ 369 00:16:53,104 --> 00:16:57,007 ♪ From Glen to Glen ♪ (Mourners join in) 370 00:16:57,041 --> 00:16:59,542 ♪ And down the Mountain side ♪ 371 00:17:02,714 --> 00:17:04,748 (making up lyrics) ♪ but God... ♪ 372 00:17:06,282 --> 00:17:08,050 (Birds chirp) 373 00:17:08,085 --> 00:17:11,220 So... I'm sorry 374 00:17:11,254 --> 00:17:15,290 if, earlier, I wasn't sensitive to your animal issues. 375 00:17:15,325 --> 00:17:18,060 And if it's any consolation, the dogs told me to tell you 376 00:17:18,095 --> 00:17:22,331 that they're super embarrassed about their behaviour, too. 377 00:17:22,365 --> 00:17:25,767 Well, I am dating a vet. I should've known that... 378 00:17:25,801 --> 00:17:28,136 There'd be slutty little animals running around. 379 00:17:28,170 --> 00:17:30,004 And I only take in the slutty ones, so... 380 00:17:30,039 --> 00:17:31,672 (Laughs) 381 00:17:31,707 --> 00:17:33,374 I just... I didn't know what to do 382 00:17:33,408 --> 00:17:36,377 because I love the dogs so much, but... 383 00:17:36,411 --> 00:17:40,949 You know, I also really love... 384 00:17:40,983 --> 00:17:45,653 The way that our relationship is going right now... so much. 385 00:17:45,687 --> 00:17:48,155 Mm... such a sweet face. (Both laugh) 386 00:17:48,189 --> 00:17:50,691 So, to get you more comfortable around animals... 387 00:17:50,726 --> 00:17:52,693 Not a puppy, Ted! I... 388 00:17:52,728 --> 00:17:54,328 No, that would be cruel to the puppy. 389 00:17:54,363 --> 00:17:56,697 No, I got you... this. 390 00:17:59,434 --> 00:18:01,969 "Opening your heart to animals: A guide to the benefits 391 00:18:02,003 --> 00:18:05,038 of caring for something other than yourself." 392 00:18:05,073 --> 00:18:06,774 It's a very specific book. 393 00:18:06,808 --> 00:18:09,843 You might wanna check out page 37. 394 00:18:09,878 --> 00:18:10,878 (Pages flip) 395 00:18:13,047 --> 00:18:14,681 (Whispers excitedly) Is it a credit card? 396 00:18:14,715 --> 00:18:17,651 No. It's a room key... 397 00:18:17,685 --> 00:18:20,320 To the premium king suite 398 00:18:20,354 --> 00:18:22,389 at the Holiday Inn Express in Elmdale, 399 00:18:22,423 --> 00:18:25,125 and they have a very strict no pets allowed policy. 400 00:18:25,160 --> 00:18:27,660 Well... it just so happens 401 00:18:27,694 --> 00:18:30,062 that I have packed my overnight bag. 402 00:18:30,097 --> 00:18:32,165 - Hmm. - Come here. 403 00:18:32,199 --> 00:18:35,101 (Kiss) 404 00:18:35,135 --> 00:18:36,702 - Thank you. - No. Thank you. 405 00:18:36,736 --> 00:18:38,137 - No. Thank you! - Thank you. 406 00:18:38,172 --> 00:18:38,871 - Thank you! - Thank you. 407 00:18:38,906 --> 00:18:39,906 Thank you! 408 00:18:39,940 --> 00:18:41,473 (Bird chirp) 409 00:18:44,211 --> 00:18:45,477 You know where I got my hat, brah? 410 00:18:45,512 --> 00:18:47,179 Where? 411 00:18:47,213 --> 00:18:49,281 "Assholes' R 'Us". 412 00:18:49,315 --> 00:18:51,116 (Both giggle) 413 00:18:51,150 --> 00:18:53,584 (Laughing) 414 00:18:57,056 --> 00:18:59,191 (Car doors bang shut outside) Oh! Ow! 415 00:18:59,225 --> 00:19:01,759 (Baby wails outside) Oh! Oh my God. 416 00:19:01,794 --> 00:19:03,829 Oh my God! We need to go. 417 00:19:03,863 --> 00:19:05,830 We need to go! We need to go! 418 00:19:08,333 --> 00:19:10,400 (Panicked whisper) I don't see it... I don't see it. 419 00:19:10,435 --> 00:19:11,501 - Let me see it- - Shhh... 420 00:19:11,536 --> 00:19:13,437 (Keys jingle, lock tumbles) 421 00:19:13,471 --> 00:19:14,604 (Panicked breaths) 422 00:19:16,908 --> 00:19:18,342 (Door bangs shut, baby wails) 423 00:19:18,376 --> 00:19:19,977 The (Bleep)?! 424 00:19:20,011 --> 00:19:21,651 Shhhhhh! (Stifled laughter) 425 00:19:26,084 --> 00:19:27,784 (Whispering) My hat.. I'm wearing it. 426 00:19:27,819 --> 00:19:29,052 I'm wearing it... 427 00:19:29,086 --> 00:19:30,753 (Stifles a laugh) 428 00:19:30,787 --> 00:19:32,488 (Both laughing) 429 00:19:34,825 --> 00:19:36,159 (Kissing, Stevie slams into door) 430 00:19:36,193 --> 00:19:38,033 (Beer bottle scrape door, Stevie grunts softly) 431 00:19:38,996 --> 00:19:41,464 (Panting and kissing) 432 00:19:44,034 --> 00:19:44,767 (Crash) 433 00:19:54,111 --> 00:19:55,344 So I'm thinking to myself, 434 00:19:55,378 --> 00:19:57,814 "Oh, God, what if die here?" 435 00:19:57,848 --> 00:20:01,184 Mm. That was not lost on anyone. 436 00:20:01,218 --> 00:20:03,152 Uh, let's pilfer a few sandwiches 437 00:20:03,187 --> 00:20:04,753 and make a gracious French exit. 438 00:20:04,788 --> 00:20:06,588 Good idea. 439 00:20:10,193 --> 00:20:14,661 Moira! Your "Danny Boy"... What a voice. 440 00:20:14,964 --> 00:20:16,665 - Oh, thank you. - Yeah. 441 00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:18,834 I-I'd really like you to sing at my cousin's funeral. 442 00:20:18,868 --> 00:20:20,336 She's not dead, but... 443 00:20:20,370 --> 00:20:23,372 She's been coughing a lot lately. 444 00:20:23,406 --> 00:20:25,808 Moira, before they close the coffin, 445 00:20:25,842 --> 00:20:28,210 One more chorus for Carl? 446 00:20:28,244 --> 00:20:30,511 Please? 447 00:20:30,546 --> 00:20:31,912 (Chuckles awkwardly) 448 00:20:31,947 --> 00:20:34,915 (Mourners laugh and clap) 449 00:20:34,950 --> 00:20:36,451 Take your time, honey. 450 00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:38,386 (Clears throat awkwardly) 451 00:20:41,790 --> 00:20:44,959 ♪ Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh ooh ooh... ♪ 452 00:20:47,528 --> 00:20:50,029 ♪ Oh... ♪ (Inhales deeply) 453 00:20:52,032 --> 00:20:54,401 ♪ Danny... ♪ 454 00:20:57,638 --> 00:20:59,305 (Silence) 455 00:21:01,041 --> 00:21:02,476 ♪ Boy... ♪ 456 00:21:04,211 --> 00:21:06,012 (Chewing loudly) 457 00:21:06,046 --> 00:21:08,982 ♪ The pipes, the pipes are... ♪ 458 00:21:11,518 --> 00:21:13,719 ♪ Call-all-all-ling... ♪ 459 00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:15,288 It's our annual 460 00:21:15,290 --> 00:21:17,323 Hawaiian night. 461 00:21:17,325 --> 00:21:19,259 Pineapples, pig on the spit, 462 00:21:19,261 --> 00:21:20,593 the whole nine yards. 463 00:21:20,595 --> 00:21:22,428 Oh, you, uh, roast pig? 464 00:21:22,430 --> 00:21:23,897 We do! 465 00:21:23,899 --> 00:21:25,765 So, who's pig do we have to 466 00:21:25,767 --> 00:21:26,832 slaughter to get an invite? 467 00:21:27,924 --> 00:21:30,924 - Synced and corrected by ChrisKe - - www.addic7ed.com - 468 00:21:31,024 --> 00:21:41,024 Download movie subtitles or Load it directly from url on TheSubtitles.net33673

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