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1
00:00:52,526 --> 00:00:55,145
No! Not the tickles!
2
00:00:59,082 --> 00:01:01,791
Come on, honey. Let's go inside.
3
00:01:01,792 --> 00:01:06,088
- I have this pretty stick.
- Oh, it's a cool stick.
4
00:01:06,089 --> 00:01:09,109
This mud was probably a
little too much, huh?
5
00:01:09,110 --> 00:01:13,945
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
6
00:01:13,946 --> 00:01:17,099
♪ I'm gonna leave you anyway ♪
7
00:01:17,100 --> 00:01:20,136
♪ I'm gonna leave you anyway ♪
8
00:01:20,137 --> 00:01:21,555
♪ Gonna leave you anyway. ♪
9
00:01:27,528 --> 00:01:29,345
Holy shit.
10
00:01:29,346 --> 00:01:31,314
Holy shit.
11
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Holy shit! All of it?
12
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And with 24 hours to go.
13
00:01:39,022 --> 00:01:41,157
That was so much work!
14
00:01:41,158 --> 00:01:44,227
An incredible amount
of stupid, idiot work.
15
00:01:44,228 --> 00:01:45,984
- I hate work, and that was...
- Of which I did most.
16
00:01:45,985 --> 00:01:47,463
Okay, now that's really open for debate.
17
00:01:47,464 --> 00:01:48,698
I'm just saying that I did all of it.
18
00:01:48,699 --> 00:01:49,699
And not really the point.
19
00:01:49,700 --> 00:01:51,009
This is really my wedding.
20
00:01:51,010 --> 00:01:53,068
My second marriage, I'm eloping.
21
00:01:53,069 --> 00:01:54,970
- No doubt.
- Why isn't Edgar cooking us
22
00:01:54,971 --> 00:01:56,572
some pre-wedding fritters or some shit?
23
00:01:56,573 --> 00:01:57,973
Oh, he's putting the finishing touches
24
00:01:57,974 --> 00:02:00,042
on his Best Man Jimmy day.
25
00:02:00,043 --> 00:02:02,512
Yuck. Lindser and I got
to run all over town
26
00:02:02,513 --> 00:02:05,181
getting this face and body camera-ready.
27
00:02:05,182 --> 00:02:06,405
Do you think I need to...?
28
00:02:06,406 --> 00:02:07,817
No one's gonna be looking at you.
29
00:02:07,818 --> 00:02:09,051
Literally no one.
30
00:02:09,052 --> 00:02:11,104
You're invisible tomorrow.
No one gives a fuck.
31
00:02:11,105 --> 00:02:12,255
You could die.
32
00:02:12,256 --> 00:02:16,158
I can't believe how
not freaked out I am.
33
00:02:16,159 --> 00:02:18,728
I thought I would be shitting my
pants the day before my wedding,
34
00:02:18,729 --> 00:02:20,230
but I just feel so good
35
00:02:20,231 --> 00:02:22,097
since I came clean to
you about everything.
36
00:02:22,098 --> 00:02:25,783
You have given me a
gift no one has before.
37
00:02:27,071 --> 00:02:28,774
Acceptance.
38
00:02:29,240 --> 00:02:31,343
Unconditional acceptance.
39
00:02:32,009 --> 00:02:33,877
Jimmy, it's all I ever wanted.
40
00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:36,280
I finally feel truly safe.
41
00:02:37,015 --> 00:02:39,282
God, I'm genuinely touched.
42
00:02:39,283 --> 00:02:41,436
So safe, in fact...
43
00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:44,186
What are you doing there?
44
00:02:44,187 --> 00:02:46,055
So safe I feel like I can do anything
45
00:02:46,056 --> 00:02:48,242
and you'll never leave
me, no matter what I do.
46
00:02:50,244 --> 00:02:51,561
Why would you do that?
47
00:02:51,562 --> 00:02:54,196
It's a metaphor for how I
can do anything I want now.
48
00:02:54,197 --> 00:02:55,631
Yeah, a metaphor I'll be cleaning up.
49
00:02:55,632 --> 00:02:57,933
You know you don't need to
fix my problems, Jimmy.
50
00:02:57,934 --> 00:02:59,201
So you're gonna clean it up?
51
00:02:59,202 --> 00:03:01,139
Cleaning it up ruins the metaphor.
52
00:03:02,649 --> 00:03:04,716
Paul! Did you get LASIK?
53
00:03:04,717 --> 00:03:07,810
Oh, good Lord. Costume changes?
54
00:03:07,811 --> 00:03:09,738
I guess I won't see you until...
55
00:03:09,739 --> 00:03:13,540
You're walking down the aisle in
hilariously incongruous white?
56
00:03:14,835 --> 00:03:16,752
Kiss, kiss, kiss,
57
00:03:16,753 --> 00:03:18,654
kiss, kiss,
58
00:03:18,655 --> 00:03:21,957
kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!
59
00:03:21,958 --> 00:03:23,225
- Kiss!
- Have sex, have sex,
60
00:03:23,226 --> 00:03:25,628
- have sex, have sex.
- All right.
61
00:03:25,629 --> 00:03:28,264
Let's get this over with.
62
00:03:28,265 --> 00:03:29,565
Don't lose him.
63
00:03:29,566 --> 00:03:32,001
I need that piece of shit
to marry me tomorrow.
64
00:03:32,002 --> 00:03:33,436
I won't.
65
00:03:33,437 --> 00:03:35,305
Ugh! I guess I'll go get dressed.
66
00:03:35,306 --> 00:03:37,907
Wait! Before you put on your pants,
67
00:03:37,908 --> 00:03:39,342
where's your favorite place to go?
68
00:03:39,343 --> 00:03:40,976
- Nowhere.
- That's where we're going.
69
00:03:40,977 --> 00:03:44,414
Are you serious? I don't
have to put on pants?
70
00:03:44,415 --> 00:03:46,115
You can Donald Duck that shit
71
00:03:46,116 --> 00:03:48,951
because this is your day.
72
00:03:48,952 --> 00:03:51,253
Everything is coming to us.
73
00:03:51,254 --> 00:03:53,856
Manis, pedis, facials, food, booze.
74
00:03:53,857 --> 00:03:57,693
Thank you. I am stupid excited
to hang out with you.
75
00:03:57,694 --> 00:04:00,930
- Same! Extra stupid.
- So...
76
00:04:00,931 --> 00:04:02,298
tell me the haps.
77
00:04:02,299 --> 00:04:04,667
What was it like munching Yvette's puss?
78
00:04:04,668 --> 00:04:08,155
Oh. Mani-pedis must be early.
79
00:04:10,157 --> 00:04:13,461
Hello... sir?
80
00:04:14,562 --> 00:04:17,447
Sorry, wrong... door.
81
00:04:19,483 --> 00:04:21,283
You have to get rid of her.
82
00:04:21,284 --> 00:04:23,719
I'm serious, whatever it takes.
83
00:04:32,162 --> 00:04:33,996
Mommy.
84
00:04:33,997 --> 00:04:36,231
Gretchen, why aren't you wearing pants?
85
00:04:36,232 --> 00:04:38,000
Do you not shave above the knee?
86
00:04:38,001 --> 00:04:40,803
I thought you and Daddy had plans today.
87
00:04:40,804 --> 00:04:42,672
Your father wanted to go
to the Reagan Library,
88
00:04:42,673 --> 00:04:44,640
but I've already been
there so many times.
89
00:04:44,641 --> 00:04:48,411
Hi, Mrs. Cutler. So nice
of you to surprise us.
90
00:04:48,412 --> 00:04:50,145
Gretchen, who is this person?
91
00:04:50,146 --> 00:04:51,414
Is that the right word?
92
00:04:51,415 --> 00:04:55,317
I want to be an ally, but
they make it so hard.
93
00:04:55,318 --> 00:04:58,153
- How's your hotel, Mommy?
- Dreadful.
94
00:04:58,154 --> 00:05:00,556
They put us near the elevator,
95
00:05:00,557 --> 00:05:01,991
so I made them move us.
96
00:05:01,992 --> 00:05:04,360
I had to go out into the hall,
97
00:05:04,361 --> 00:05:07,615
then we were near a baby, so I...
98
00:05:09,500 --> 00:05:11,166
For your butt.
99
00:05:11,167 --> 00:05:13,621
Sorry! Got to go.
100
00:05:15,423 --> 00:05:18,508
You are bailing on me the
day before my wedding?
101
00:05:18,509 --> 00:05:20,175
I'm sorry. I love you, I love you.
102
00:05:20,176 --> 00:05:22,029
You're on your own. Sorry!
103
00:05:24,732 --> 00:05:26,382
Is this a built-in couch?
104
00:05:26,383 --> 00:05:28,684
Must be impossible to clean.
105
00:05:28,685 --> 00:05:31,367
And you enjoy walking on the bare floor?
106
00:05:35,476 --> 00:05:39,194
On the eve of this major
turning point in your life,
107
00:05:39,195 --> 00:05:41,797
we embark on three stops.
108
00:05:41,798 --> 00:05:43,733
This first stop
109
00:05:43,734 --> 00:05:47,737
represents a dream from your past.
110
00:05:47,738 --> 00:05:50,640
Something you used to talk about
111
00:05:50,641 --> 00:05:52,125
but never got to do.
112
00:05:53,894 --> 00:05:56,746
Sochi 2014.
113
00:05:56,747 --> 00:05:59,715
You wouldn't stop talking about curling.
114
00:05:59,716 --> 00:06:02,051
No sport more misunderstood.
115
00:06:02,052 --> 00:06:06,789
No players more understandably
hair-trigger defensive
116
00:06:06,790 --> 00:06:10,143
than those of curling.
117
00:06:13,413 --> 00:06:15,565
Fuck yeah.
118
00:06:15,566 --> 00:06:17,600
- ♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
- ♪ Too cold ♪
119
00:06:17,601 --> 00:06:19,769
♪ Can't move, too cold ♪
120
00:06:19,770 --> 00:06:21,403
♪ Yes, sir ♪
121
00:06:21,404 --> 00:06:22,672
♪ Too cold ♪
122
00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:24,807
♪ I-Ice cold, watch your steps ♪
123
00:06:24,808 --> 00:06:26,576
- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
- ♪ I'm 'bout to watch my breath ♪
124
00:06:26,577 --> 00:06:28,511
♪ So cold, ain't got no threats ♪
125
00:06:28,512 --> 00:06:30,913
♪ Stand firm, arms
folded across my chest ♪
126
00:06:30,914 --> 00:06:32,247
♪ So cold ♪
127
00:06:32,248 --> 00:06:33,348
- ♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
- ♪ Too cold ♪
128
00:06:33,349 --> 00:06:34,950
♪ They drop us below zero ♪
129
00:06:34,951 --> 00:06:36,619
♪ We ain't moving, we too froze ♪
130
00:06:36,620 --> 00:06:39,989
♪ We can't move, we too cold ♪
131
00:06:39,990 --> 00:06:41,991
♪ Can't move, too cold ♪
132
00:06:41,992 --> 00:06:43,626
- ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
- ♪ Can't move ♪
133
00:06:43,627 --> 00:06:44,794
♪ Too cold ♪
134
00:06:44,795 --> 00:06:46,161
♪ We can't move, we too cold ♪
135
00:06:46,162 --> 00:06:47,830
♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
136
00:06:47,831 --> 00:06:50,600
♪ Can't move, too cold ♪
137
00:06:50,601 --> 00:06:52,868
- ♪ Can't move ♪
- ♪ Too cold ♪
138
00:06:52,869 --> 00:06:54,804
♪ We gon' weather any weather ♪
139
00:06:54,805 --> 00:06:56,872
♪ Won't fall down, no pressure ♪
140
00:06:56,873 --> 00:06:59,141
- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
- ♪ Want my ego below zero ♪
141
00:06:59,142 --> 00:07:00,610
♪ When I'm humble, I'm better ♪
142
00:07:00,611 --> 00:07:02,778
♪ Boy, they sick, get stretched ♪
143
00:07:02,779 --> 00:07:04,780
♪ This cold world will come get you ♪
144
00:07:04,781 --> 00:07:06,649
♪ They'll pull you down if you let 'em ♪
145
00:07:06,650 --> 00:07:09,118
♪ The clique froze, I don't
mean ice on the wrist ♪
146
00:07:09,119 --> 00:07:10,686
♪ Though, I mean we ain't changing ♪
147
00:07:10,687 --> 00:07:11,813
♪ To get dough ♪
148
00:07:11,814 --> 00:07:14,156
♪ Cold don't mean we
ain't lit, though, yo ♪
149
00:07:14,157 --> 00:07:16,125
♪ You might be trippin'
if you see the vision ♪
150
00:07:16,126 --> 00:07:18,393
♪ You catch at the clique's shows ♪
151
00:07:18,394 --> 00:07:19,862
♪ Fueled by the risen who's livin' ♪
152
00:07:19,863 --> 00:07:21,697
♪ While others spit
fire, we spit snow... ♪
153
00:07:37,831 --> 00:07:40,049
- ♪ We gon' weather any weather ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪
154
00:07:40,050 --> 00:07:41,316
♪ Won't fall down, no pressure ♪
155
00:07:41,317 --> 00:07:43,418
♪ Want my ego below zero ♪
156
00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:44,968
♪ When I'm humble, I'm better ♪
157
00:07:44,969 --> 00:07:46,709
♪ We still fly with no feathers ♪
158
00:07:46,710 --> 00:07:48,489
♪ They'll pull you down if you let 'em ♪
159
00:07:48,490 --> 00:07:51,260
♪ Oh ♪
160
00:07:51,261 --> 00:07:53,729
♪ Oh... ♪
161
00:07:53,730 --> 00:07:55,583
♪ Too cold. ♪
162
00:08:02,389 --> 00:08:03,775
Hello?
163
00:08:05,175 --> 00:08:06,480
Are you...
164
00:08:07,353 --> 00:08:08,429
me?
165
00:08:10,881 --> 00:08:13,588
Oh, thank God.
166
00:08:13,589 --> 00:08:16,051
For a second I thought
I was in a Black Swan.
167
00:08:16,052 --> 00:08:19,021
Becca is being reckless with
her health and, therefore,
168
00:08:19,022 --> 00:08:20,690
with the health of my progeny.
169
00:08:20,691 --> 00:08:23,559
She butt-dialed me from a wine tour.
170
00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:25,695
Gretchen's bitch mom ruined my day,
171
00:08:25,696 --> 00:08:27,080
so let's sort this sitch out.
172
00:08:29,382 --> 00:08:31,146
Becca? Get over here.
173
00:08:31,147 --> 00:08:33,059
And bring back all the TP you stole.
174
00:08:33,060 --> 00:08:35,555
Last night I had to wipe with a sock.
175
00:08:38,626 --> 00:08:40,270
Have you ever considered curtains?
176
00:08:41,211 --> 00:08:44,546
How's Daddy? Is he playing a
lot of golf? How's his knee?
177
00:08:44,547 --> 00:08:49,051
He's fine. Oh, before I forget, I
need to see the seating chart.
178
00:08:49,052 --> 00:08:50,938
- Now?
- Thank you.
179
00:08:55,142 --> 00:08:56,325
Can you make it bigger?
180
00:08:56,326 --> 00:08:58,928
Go up.
181
00:08:58,929 --> 00:09:02,598
You sat Robert next to his
son? You have to change it.
182
00:09:02,599 --> 00:09:07,169
Who is this Paul person, and
why doesn't he have a table?
183
00:09:07,170 --> 00:09:08,738
What if you moved him...?
184
00:09:08,739 --> 00:09:10,958
No! Paul throws everything off!
185
00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:15,221
I'm sorry. Uh, the chart took forever.
186
00:09:16,279 --> 00:09:18,113
Do you know how embarrassing it is
187
00:09:18,114 --> 00:09:20,683
when people ask me about
the menu and the flowers,
188
00:09:20,684 --> 00:09:22,652
and I just have to shrug
189
00:09:22,653 --> 00:09:25,287
and say, "I suppose I'll see"?
190
00:09:25,288 --> 00:09:27,589
Other than that phone call
in the middle of the night
191
00:09:27,590 --> 00:09:29,959
to let me know that you and
Boone were getting married,
192
00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:32,263
you've haven't told me a thing.
193
00:09:34,276 --> 00:09:36,598
You sure we haven't talked
about the wedding since then?
194
00:09:36,599 --> 00:09:37,952
Positive.
195
00:09:39,468 --> 00:09:44,128
That's really funny, because
I just realized now
196
00:09:44,129 --> 00:09:46,441
that there might have been an assumption
197
00:09:46,442 --> 00:09:48,944
that I might have
inadvertently forgotten
198
00:09:48,945 --> 00:09:50,813
to set the record straight,
199
00:09:50,814 --> 00:09:53,226
and you might still think that...
200
00:09:55,966 --> 00:09:58,315
Mommy, I'm marrying Jimmy, not Boone.
201
00:10:02,075 --> 00:10:04,226
- Mommy, I said I'm...
- I know you're marrying Jimmy.
202
00:10:04,227 --> 00:10:05,897
I'm not a complete idiot.
203
00:10:06,496 --> 00:10:08,425
Oh. Then why are you here?
204
00:10:10,471 --> 00:10:12,820
Our daughter is getting married.
205
00:10:16,223 --> 00:10:18,219
We've had front row seats
to all your mistakes,
206
00:10:18,220 --> 00:10:19,911
so why stop now?
207
00:10:20,811 --> 00:10:24,374
Do you have a saltine?
I'm a bit peckish.
208
00:10:30,653 --> 00:10:32,922
Okay, for our second stop, Jimmy,
209
00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:36,284
- this one represents...
- Oh, let me guess. My present.
210
00:10:36,285 --> 00:10:38,867
No. Your present is now, why
would you need to visit it?
211
00:10:38,868 --> 00:10:41,997
No, it's your past again,
but this one is bad.
212
00:10:41,998 --> 00:10:46,435
It's all the anger and stress
and anxiety you've held onto,
213
00:10:46,436 --> 00:10:50,572
and it is time to let it out.
214
00:10:54,490 --> 00:10:56,011
It's a smash room.
215
00:10:58,949 --> 00:11:03,971
A safe way to externally
fight the demons within.
216
00:11:05,293 --> 00:11:07,289
I can see how you might
be drawn to this,
217
00:11:07,290 --> 00:11:09,058
but as someone who lives
his life honestly,
218
00:11:09,059 --> 00:11:11,526
I have no need for a safe space
219
00:11:11,527 --> 00:11:15,965
to vent the impotent rage
I simply do not possess.
220
00:11:27,727 --> 00:11:29,329
Yeah!
221
00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:39,406
Aah! Ah, yeah!
222
00:11:56,023 --> 00:11:57,339
Dial-ins!
223
00:11:57,340 --> 00:11:58,908
Sheila!
224
00:11:58,909 --> 00:12:00,509
Studio system!
225
00:12:00,510 --> 00:12:02,577
Signature cocktails!
226
00:12:02,578 --> 00:12:03,813
Vendors!
227
00:12:03,814 --> 00:12:05,247
Caterers!
228
00:12:05,248 --> 00:12:06,463
Depression!
229
00:12:20,613 --> 00:12:21,931
Do it! Do it!
230
00:12:21,932 --> 00:12:23,298
Do it!
231
00:12:23,299 --> 00:12:26,101
Do it! Do it! Do it!
232
00:12:26,102 --> 00:12:28,703
Do it! Do it! Do it!
233
00:12:32,292 --> 00:12:34,279
I'm getting married, Papa.
234
00:12:35,645 --> 00:12:36,946
Aw...
235
00:12:40,483 --> 00:12:45,445
Paul, Becca, please keep in mind
what's important is the welfare
236
00:12:45,446 --> 00:12:48,082
of a child that's going to exist soon,
237
00:12:48,083 --> 00:12:51,421
so let's clear the air and
everyone agree to stop
238
00:12:51,422 --> 00:12:54,063
ruining Paul's baby, you heinous bitch.
239
00:12:54,064 --> 00:12:56,487
I'm not ruining his baby.
240
00:12:56,488 --> 00:12:59,851
I can't help it if the baby
craves unpasteurized cheese.
241
00:12:59,852 --> 00:13:01,973
- And sushi?
- I didn't eat sushi.
242
00:13:01,974 --> 00:13:04,108
It was sashimi. Rice goes
straight to my hips.
243
00:13:04,109 --> 00:13:05,207
Chillax, dorkus.
244
00:13:05,208 --> 00:13:06,475
It's good to challenge
babies' immune systems.
245
00:13:06,476 --> 00:13:08,243
That's how you make an X-Men.
246
00:13:10,548 --> 00:13:12,982
You agreed to follow a
rigorous meal plan,
247
00:13:12,983 --> 00:13:15,350
to do yoga and Pilates,
248
00:13:15,351 --> 00:13:17,819
to play it trans-vaginal Mozart.
249
00:13:17,820 --> 00:13:19,989
My wife's not jacking it
with that dildo speaker
250
00:13:19,990 --> 00:13:21,590
to play your kid nerd music.
251
00:13:21,591 --> 00:13:24,193
- It's all in the contract.
- Since you brought it up,
252
00:13:24,194 --> 00:13:28,163
I do have a solid legal basis
for increased parental rights
253
00:13:28,164 --> 00:13:31,566
due to the altered
method of insemination.
254
00:13:31,567 --> 00:13:33,702
You want parental rights?
255
00:13:33,703 --> 00:13:37,907
No, I just said I have a legal
basis for parental rights.
256
00:13:37,908 --> 00:13:40,509
Plus, I do have a geriatric womb
257
00:13:40,510 --> 00:13:42,520
and might not ever get pregnant again.
258
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:45,847
What if I never get pregnant again?
259
00:13:45,848 --> 00:13:48,250
I'm not gonna lie, I was hoping
we'd get a do-over someday.
260
00:13:48,251 --> 00:13:49,684
Tallulah's great, but face it,
261
00:13:49,685 --> 00:13:51,286
we're not turning that boat around.
262
00:13:51,287 --> 00:13:54,488
Vernon, we have to keep this baby.
263
00:13:54,489 --> 00:13:56,926
I can already feel how much it loves me.
264
00:13:56,927 --> 00:13:59,028
She's bluffing. When Bec and I
were kids, she would threaten
265
00:13:59,029 --> 00:14:02,264
to kill herself if I didn't
give her my Choco Taco.
266
00:14:02,265 --> 00:14:04,766
Please. Just tell me how much.
267
00:14:04,767 --> 00:14:07,136
Paul, you can't put a
price on a mother's love.
268
00:14:07,137 --> 00:14:09,399
But if you want to put a
price on a mother's love,
269
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:12,207
- low mid-to-mid six figs all in.
- Six?
270
00:14:12,208 --> 00:14:13,814
If you're not willing to
give everything you have
271
00:14:13,815 --> 00:14:17,330
for this baby, maybe you
don't really want it.
272
00:14:21,044 --> 00:14:22,417
I think you might be right.
273
00:14:22,418 --> 00:14:24,653
- What?
- I love the idea of a child,
274
00:14:24,654 --> 00:14:29,024
but I don't think I'm
ready for the reality.
275
00:14:29,025 --> 00:14:30,677
I think...
276
00:14:33,252 --> 00:14:34,347
I think I'm out.
277
00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:39,077
- Thank you, Becca.
- Paul, no.
278
00:14:39,078 --> 00:14:43,665
I'll be okay. Maybe I'll take the
hundreds of thousands of dollars
279
00:14:43,666 --> 00:14:45,574
I already put into a college fund
280
00:14:45,575 --> 00:14:47,076
and use it towards my travels.
281
00:14:47,077 --> 00:14:50,203
Babies are the real trip. All
kinds of new experiences.
282
00:14:50,204 --> 00:14:52,927
The nonstop screaming, clipping
them tiny fingie nails,
283
00:14:52,928 --> 00:14:54,667
not being able to run out right quick
284
00:14:54,668 --> 00:14:56,151
to see the new Minions movie 'cause some
285
00:14:56,152 --> 00:14:58,988
little dummy might roll
over onto her face and die.
286
00:14:58,989 --> 00:15:02,657
I think it may be best for all if
I begin my travels immediately.
287
00:15:02,658 --> 00:15:06,382
Paul, you can't leave. It's your baby.
288
00:15:22,353 --> 00:15:24,679
Wait, Paul! We were bluffing.
289
00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:26,892
I can't do it all over
again. You can't make me.
290
00:15:27,586 --> 00:15:29,206
20 grand, all in.
291
00:15:30,133 --> 00:15:32,539
30, or I kill myself.
292
00:15:35,208 --> 00:15:36,858
Fifteen.
293
00:15:36,859 --> 00:15:38,645
- Done.
- Done.
294
00:15:43,742 --> 00:15:46,501
And when she refused to stop
parking in front of our house,
295
00:15:46,502 --> 00:15:51,086
I simply had Enrique change
the sprinklers to go off
296
00:15:51,087 --> 00:15:54,576
right before she had to leave
for work in the morning.
297
00:15:54,577 --> 00:15:56,011
You think this marriage is a mistake,
298
00:15:56,012 --> 00:15:57,379
and you weren't gonna say anything?
299
00:15:58,581 --> 00:16:00,806
Do we have to talk about this?
300
00:16:00,807 --> 00:16:02,817
We were having such a nice day.
301
00:16:02,818 --> 00:16:04,653
Actually, we do have to talk about it,
302
00:16:04,654 --> 00:16:07,356
and we're not having a nice
day. This is a terrible day.
303
00:16:07,357 --> 00:16:10,015
You are my mother, and yet you refuse
304
00:16:10,016 --> 00:16:11,893
to ever talk to me about anything real.
305
00:16:11,894 --> 00:16:13,528
I was just telling you all about
306
00:16:13,529 --> 00:16:15,497
the new Oriental family next door.
307
00:16:15,498 --> 00:16:17,866
Anything real, Mother.
308
00:16:17,867 --> 00:16:21,436
You're so afraid you might
hear something unpleasant.
309
00:16:21,437 --> 00:16:23,905
You always have to be so provocative.
310
00:16:23,906 --> 00:16:25,440
It's the day before my fucking wedding,
311
00:16:25,441 --> 00:16:27,209
and you know nothing about me!
312
00:16:27,210 --> 00:16:29,844
- What don't I know about you?
- Seriously?
313
00:16:29,845 --> 00:16:31,680
Let's see, uh, in high school, I had
314
00:16:31,681 --> 00:16:33,182
more sex in your bed than you did.
315
00:16:33,183 --> 00:16:34,616
Granny's Homer painting that's been
316
00:16:34,617 --> 00:16:36,618
in the family for decades?
317
00:16:36,619 --> 00:16:39,254
Fake. I sold the original to buy acid.
318
00:16:39,255 --> 00:16:41,890
I said that my piano
teacher "bad-touched me"
319
00:16:41,891 --> 00:16:43,294
to get out of a recital.
320
00:16:44,749 --> 00:16:46,466
I'm gonna go have a cigarette.
321
00:16:48,748 --> 00:16:50,400
Congratulations, Gretchen.
322
00:16:50,401 --> 00:16:52,476
You've driven the help away again.
323
00:16:52,477 --> 00:16:55,773
The hamster didn't escape,
I forgot to feed him.
324
00:16:55,774 --> 00:16:58,540
Abortions? Yup!
325
00:16:58,541 --> 00:17:00,742
I didn't graduate from college.
326
00:17:00,743 --> 00:17:02,795
I know all of this, Gretchen.
327
00:17:04,498 --> 00:17:05,880
Bullshit.
328
00:17:05,881 --> 00:17:08,383
No way. You would have tried to stop me.
329
00:17:08,384 --> 00:17:09,718
When could I ever control you?
330
00:17:09,719 --> 00:17:12,054
When did you ever try?
331
00:17:12,667 --> 00:17:15,680
Did you ever think that
maybe, just maybe,
332
00:17:15,681 --> 00:17:18,160
all the terrible shit I
did was a cry for help?
333
00:17:18,161 --> 00:17:19,820
Your father and I didn't
want to indulge you.
334
00:17:19,821 --> 00:17:20,826
Why not?
335
00:17:20,827 --> 00:17:23,098
You wouldn't have figured out
how to take care of yourself.
336
00:17:23,099 --> 00:17:25,500
I can't take care of myself!
337
00:17:25,501 --> 00:17:28,155
I have been suffering in the dark
338
00:17:28,156 --> 00:17:31,973
with a severe goddamn mental
illness for my entire life!
339
00:17:31,974 --> 00:17:33,685
Oh, stop it.
340
00:17:33,686 --> 00:17:35,510
Just because you're blue now and again
341
00:17:35,511 --> 00:17:38,680
does not mean that you have an illness.
342
00:17:38,681 --> 00:17:40,986
You caught me drowning
my American Girl dolls.
343
00:17:40,987 --> 00:17:42,851
Why didn't you do anything?!
344
00:17:42,852 --> 00:17:44,519
This is really too much.
345
00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:46,785
I tried to kill myself, Mommy.
346
00:17:47,332 --> 00:17:48,465
I did.
347
00:17:49,412 --> 00:17:51,194
When I was 17.
348
00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:54,763
I really wanted to die. I really did.
349
00:17:54,764 --> 00:17:56,867
I sometimes still do.
350
00:18:01,020 --> 00:18:02,145
You're right.
351
00:18:03,032 --> 00:18:05,774
Nothing we did was ever enough for you.
352
00:18:05,775 --> 00:18:08,974
Don't you think that if
I had talked to someone
353
00:18:09,613 --> 00:18:14,432
when I was 13 or 17 or 26,
354
00:18:14,433 --> 00:18:16,461
that I would be better now?
355
00:18:16,981 --> 00:18:18,787
That I wouldn't be this person?
356
00:18:18,788 --> 00:18:19,872
What do you want?
357
00:18:20,578 --> 00:18:21,917
Do you want me to hold you
358
00:18:21,918 --> 00:18:23,692
and tell you that I'm miserable, too?
359
00:18:24,340 --> 00:18:26,828
That I haven't felt
love for your father,
360
00:18:26,829 --> 00:18:29,240
for anyone, in 20 years?
361
00:18:29,241 --> 00:18:31,466
That I would kill to have an affair
362
00:18:31,467 --> 00:18:34,570
but I'm too scared of
what people might say?
363
00:18:35,162 --> 00:18:38,425
Or worse, that no one would have me?
364
00:18:40,450 --> 00:18:41,828
Yes.
365
00:18:44,940 --> 00:18:46,609
Well, I don't.
366
00:18:48,569 --> 00:18:49,718
Everyone's fine.
367
00:18:51,763 --> 00:18:53,382
Life is good, Gretchen.
368
00:18:53,923 --> 00:18:56,558
I don't know why you have to make it
369
00:18:56,559 --> 00:18:58,554
so difficult for yourself.
370
00:19:00,163 --> 00:19:03,489
I don't make it difficult.
It is difficult.
371
00:19:10,371 --> 00:19:12,073
To be honest, it feels like...
372
00:19:12,074 --> 00:19:13,575
No one wants to hear these things.
373
00:19:13,576 --> 00:19:15,944
If you insist on sharing them,
374
00:19:15,945 --> 00:19:17,501
you'll just push everyone away.
375
00:19:30,410 --> 00:19:31,779
You're wrong, Mommy.
376
00:19:32,694 --> 00:19:35,007
Maybe it'll push you
away, but not Jimmy.
377
00:19:45,275 --> 00:19:49,244
Last stop on the train.
378
00:19:52,182 --> 00:19:54,383
Is this a private club?
379
00:19:54,384 --> 00:19:57,101
Where powerful people talk
about their mistresses
380
00:19:57,102 --> 00:19:59,087
and topple governments?
381
00:19:59,088 --> 00:20:02,056
Yup. And you're now a member.
382
00:20:02,057 --> 00:20:04,259
It doesn't actually unlock anything.
383
00:20:04,260 --> 00:20:06,476
You just show it and you get in.
384
00:20:15,822 --> 00:20:18,006
Yep. Enjoy.
385
00:20:18,007 --> 00:20:19,408
No. No, they'll sniff me out.
386
00:20:19,409 --> 00:20:22,577
No, that-that's the point of this day.
387
00:20:22,578 --> 00:20:26,247
You still think of
yourself as lowly, poor,
388
00:20:26,248 --> 00:20:30,303
undeserving on the
outside, but, Jimmy...
389
00:20:36,292 --> 00:20:38,511
...you belong now.
390
00:20:43,215 --> 00:20:44,951
Go ahead.
391
00:20:49,372 --> 00:20:51,272
♪ And it all but seems ♪
392
00:20:51,273 --> 00:20:54,327
♪ My lifetime dreams have ended ♪
393
00:20:56,195 --> 00:20:59,180
♪ And I know some people hope ♪
394
00:20:59,181 --> 00:21:01,233
♪ They won't come true ♪
395
00:21:02,469 --> 00:21:05,137
♪ On... ♪
396
00:21:08,475 --> 00:21:11,344
♪ Lankershim, Lankershim ♪
397
00:21:13,480 --> 00:21:19,901
♪ I can't start to live here anymore ♪
398
00:21:19,902 --> 00:21:22,036
♪ Yeah ♪
399
00:21:22,037 --> 00:21:23,505
♪ Oh ♪
400
00:21:23,506 --> 00:21:27,494
♪ I walk away, I walk away ♪
401
00:21:37,537 --> 00:21:39,320
♪ When someone loves you ♪
402
00:21:39,321 --> 00:21:41,490
♪ But you just can't figure it out ♪
403
00:21:41,491 --> 00:21:44,426
♪ Just walk away, just walk away ♪
404
00:21:44,427 --> 00:21:47,213
♪ Just walk away ♪
405
00:21:48,548 --> 00:21:50,899
♪ Oh ♪
406
00:21:50,900 --> 00:21:54,053
♪ Oh, you walked away,
you walked away. ♪
407
00:21:59,626 --> 00:22:01,576
Carve out sauvignon blanc
408
00:22:01,577 --> 00:22:03,111
in the third trimester,
409
00:22:03,112 --> 00:22:05,914
and you can do whatever you
want with my placenta.
410
00:22:10,870 --> 00:22:12,854
Threaten the well-being
of my child again,
411
00:22:12,855 --> 00:22:14,874
and I'll sue the britches off of you.
412
00:22:24,976 --> 00:22:26,367
You jerk!
413
00:22:26,368 --> 00:22:28,136
You were gonna leave.
414
00:22:28,137 --> 00:22:30,096
I wasn't serious.
415
00:22:30,097 --> 00:22:32,874
I was calling Becca's
bluff, like you said.
416
00:22:32,875 --> 00:22:36,335
I believed you. Well done.
417
00:22:37,288 --> 00:22:39,165
Anyway, I'm glad you're staying.
418
00:22:41,357 --> 00:22:44,154
So, I guess I'll see you
tomorrow for the big day.
419
00:22:45,431 --> 00:22:46,888
Give me a call if you need anything,
420
00:22:46,889 --> 00:22:49,075
or even if you just want to talk.
421
00:22:49,755 --> 00:22:51,392
Does anybody talk on the phone anymore?
422
00:22:53,228 --> 00:22:55,764
"Klondike one nine, patch
me through, Midge."
423
00:22:57,266 --> 00:23:00,193
I don't know what
you're doing, but okay.
424
00:23:00,194 --> 00:23:01,988
Bye, Paul.
425
00:23:21,079 --> 00:23:22,457
Did I forget something?
426
00:23:22,458 --> 00:23:25,126
No. You said to call.
427
00:23:25,127 --> 00:23:26,447
Oh.
428
00:23:27,473 --> 00:23:28,788
Do you want me to come back in?
429
00:23:30,817 --> 00:23:32,077
No.
430
00:23:33,103 --> 00:23:34,521
This is nice.
431
00:23:36,270 --> 00:23:37,304
Hey, Paul?
432
00:23:37,837 --> 00:23:39,010
Yes?
433
00:23:39,623 --> 00:23:41,157
How do fish sleep?
434
00:23:44,879 --> 00:23:46,481
Oh, golly.
435
00:23:46,952 --> 00:23:48,483
It's weirder than you think.
436
00:23:49,025 --> 00:23:52,220
For starters, fish don't have eyelids.
437
00:23:52,221 --> 00:23:53,973
Wow.
438
00:23:59,378 --> 00:24:00,602
You're leaving?
439
00:24:00,603 --> 00:24:02,648
I have to go meet your
father at the hotel.
440
00:24:02,649 --> 00:24:04,799
Apparently, he and the
docent got into it
441
00:24:04,800 --> 00:24:06,674
about Reagan's handling of AIDS,
442
00:24:06,675 --> 00:24:08,637
and he's still a little wound up.
443
00:24:08,638 --> 00:24:10,238
I will see you tomorrow.
444
00:24:10,239 --> 00:24:12,306
- You're still coming?
- You know,
445
00:24:12,307 --> 00:24:15,625
I see young people,
daughters of my friends
446
00:24:15,626 --> 00:24:17,345
struggling with the question
of having children,
447
00:24:17,346 --> 00:24:21,216
and I just want to tell them, "Don't.
448
00:24:22,565 --> 00:24:24,064
It's not worth it."
449
00:24:24,065 --> 00:24:26,307
- Mom.
- I'm serious.
450
00:24:26,308 --> 00:24:28,340
What pleasure is it?
451
00:24:30,060 --> 00:24:31,679
You don't like me.
452
00:24:33,122 --> 00:24:34,890
Your brother's a child.
453
00:24:37,198 --> 00:24:38,673
You wanted real.
454
00:24:40,146 --> 00:24:41,736
Whatever you think of me,
455
00:24:41,737 --> 00:24:46,359
it's my job to want more for you
than you want for yourself.
456
00:24:47,019 --> 00:24:49,726
But if you need someone
who doesn't push you
457
00:24:49,727 --> 00:24:51,782
and embraces your flaws,
458
00:24:53,934 --> 00:24:55,517
I'm glad you found Jimmy.
459
00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:58,909
I wish you had that, too, Mommy.
460
00:25:03,528 --> 00:25:04,945
See you tomorrow.
461
00:25:16,381 --> 00:25:19,444
What a rush. I was on fire.
462
00:25:19,445 --> 00:25:21,109
They followed my stories.
463
00:25:21,110 --> 00:25:25,619
They understood my obscure
allusions and complex wordplay.
464
00:25:25,620 --> 00:25:27,347
They loved me!
465
00:25:27,740 --> 00:25:29,818
You just found your people, Jimmy.
466
00:25:30,971 --> 00:25:33,342
You found my people.
467
00:25:33,343 --> 00:25:36,935
You know, it is both
infuriating and humbling
468
00:25:36,936 --> 00:25:39,160
how thoughtful of a friend you are.
469
00:25:39,161 --> 00:25:42,566
You've seen me at my worst, and yet...
470
00:25:43,901 --> 00:25:45,861
you've always seen my worth.
471
00:25:47,241 --> 00:25:49,303
And still, it took me years,
472
00:25:49,304 --> 00:25:50,839
literally, to see yours.
473
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:53,135
- It's okay, Jimmy.
- No. No, it's not.
474
00:25:53,918 --> 00:25:58,480
You are and have always been my best man
475
00:25:59,028 --> 00:26:00,515
and my best friend.
476
00:26:00,875 --> 00:26:02,570
Thanks, Jimmy, I, uh...
477
00:26:03,419 --> 00:26:05,119
I thought this conversation
would be easier
478
00:26:05,120 --> 00:26:06,657
after everything we did today.
479
00:26:13,497 --> 00:26:15,776
I wanted to remind you
how far you've come,
480
00:26:16,470 --> 00:26:17,883
how much you've grown,
481
00:26:18,301 --> 00:26:19,703
so I can say this:
482
00:26:21,389 --> 00:26:22,595
don't marry her.
483
00:26:23,701 --> 00:26:25,539
You told me not to lie to you,
484
00:26:25,540 --> 00:26:27,533
and the truth is, you can't do it.
485
00:26:27,534 --> 00:26:28,977
You can't marry Gretchen.
486
00:26:28,978 --> 00:26:33,381
No. No, Edgar, we're...
we're in a good place.
487
00:26:33,382 --> 00:26:36,985
I mean, she came clean with me.
She's stopped lying to me.
488
00:26:36,986 --> 00:26:39,231
- For me.
- I don't think it's enough.
489
00:26:39,232 --> 00:26:41,155
Because even when you tell
each other the truth,
490
00:26:41,156 --> 00:26:42,670
you don't do anything about it
491
00:26:42,671 --> 00:26:44,325
and you just end up hurting each other.
492
00:26:44,326 --> 00:26:46,196
I'm not gonna hurt Gretchen.
493
00:26:46,803 --> 00:26:49,256
Not in ways that count.
She's a tough girl.
494
00:26:49,257 --> 00:26:51,632
- Beautiful. Are those your vows?
- Fuck you.
495
00:26:51,633 --> 00:26:53,234
You guys hold how you
don't judge each other
496
00:26:53,235 --> 00:26:55,218
as this great thing,
but it's really not.
497
00:26:55,219 --> 00:26:57,839
It's just a justification
for your guys' selfishness.
498
00:26:57,840 --> 00:27:00,474
You love each other, but
that's not the same thing
499
00:27:00,475 --> 00:27:02,176
as being good for each other.
500
00:27:02,177 --> 00:27:03,875
- You stop talking.
- I'm sorry, Jimmy.
501
00:27:03,876 --> 00:27:05,546
I'm right. You know I'm right.
502
00:27:05,547 --> 00:27:07,682
I don't give a shit
503
00:27:07,683 --> 00:27:10,385
what you think about our relationship.
504
00:27:11,534 --> 00:27:12,586
I never have.
505
00:27:12,587 --> 00:27:14,856
You're pathetic. You're nothing!
506
00:27:14,857 --> 00:27:16,490
I talked to the venue and the caterers.
507
00:27:16,491 --> 00:27:17,859
- Stop it.
- And they are willing
508
00:27:17,860 --> 00:27:20,261
to give you half your deposit
back if you cancel now.
509
00:27:20,262 --> 00:27:22,663
We can get in my car and
drive to the desert.
510
00:27:22,664 --> 00:27:24,899
We can drive to San Francisco.
We can just drive wherever,
511
00:27:24,900 --> 00:27:26,100
just as long as you...
512
00:27:26,101 --> 00:27:28,871
- We are done.
- Jimmy.
513
00:27:29,726 --> 00:27:32,224
I don't want to see you ever again.
514
00:27:36,575 --> 00:27:38,532
You'll destroy each other.
515
00:27:41,686 --> 00:27:43,919
There is no way I'd rather go.
516
00:28:10,379 --> 00:28:15,116
♪ Forever and a day ♪
517
00:28:15,117 --> 00:28:19,253
♪ We'll dream our lives away ♪
518
00:28:19,254 --> 00:28:21,923
♪ Our love is here to stay ♪
519
00:28:21,924 --> 00:28:24,592
♪ Marry me ♪
520
00:28:24,593 --> 00:28:27,929
♪ I'll give you every
color of the rainbow ♪
521
00:28:27,930 --> 00:28:29,230
Aah!
522
00:28:32,401 --> 00:28:35,169
♪ They'll say it can't be done ♪
523
00:28:35,170 --> 00:28:39,240
♪ But what do they know? ♪
524
00:28:39,241 --> 00:28:42,643
♪ You'll never be alone ♪
525
00:28:42,644 --> 00:28:45,947
♪ And I'm a baritone ♪
526
00:28:45,948 --> 00:28:49,951
♪ Marry me ♪
527
00:28:49,952 --> 00:28:52,520
♪ I'll gaze into your eyes ♪
528
00:28:52,521 --> 00:28:56,958
♪ And say I love you ♪
529
00:28:56,959 --> 00:29:02,964
♪ There'll always be a
rainbow right above you ♪
530
00:29:02,965 --> 00:29:06,968
♪ Forever and a day ♪
531
00:29:06,969 --> 00:29:12,007
♪ We'll watch our children
play, I know... ♪
38542
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