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1
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No! Not the tickles!
2
00:00:41,024 --> 00:00:43,733
Come on, honey. Let's go inside.
3
00:00:43,734 --> 00:00:48,030
- I have this pretty stick.
- Oh, it's a cool stick.
4
00:00:48,031 --> 00:00:51,051
This mud was probably a
little too much, huh?
5
00:00:51,052 --> 00:00:55,887
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
6
00:00:55,888 --> 00:00:59,041
♪ I'm gonna leave you anyway ♪
7
00:00:59,042 --> 00:01:02,078
♪ I'm gonna leave you anyway ♪
8
00:01:02,079 --> 00:01:03,497
♪ Gonna leave you anyway. ♪
9
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:11,287
Holy shit.
10
00:01:11,288 --> 00:01:13,256
Holy shit.
11
00:01:13,257 --> 00:01:16,892
Holy shit! All of it?
12
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And with 24 hours to go.
13
00:01:20,964 --> 00:01:23,099
That was so much work!
14
00:01:23,100 --> 00:01:26,169
An incredible amount
of stupid, idiot work.
15
00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:27,926
- I hate work, and that was...
- Of which I did most.
16
00:01:27,927 --> 00:01:29,405
Okay, now that's really open for debate.
17
00:01:29,406 --> 00:01:30,640
I'm just saying that I did all of it.
18
00:01:30,641 --> 00:01:31,641
And not really the point.
19
00:01:31,642 --> 00:01:32,951
This is really my wedding.
20
00:01:32,952 --> 00:01:35,010
My second marriage, I'm eloping.
21
00:01:35,011 --> 00:01:36,912
- No doubt.
- Why isn't Edgar cooking us
22
00:01:36,913 --> 00:01:38,514
some pre-wedding fritters or some shit?
23
00:01:38,515 --> 00:01:39,915
Oh, he's putting the finishing touches
24
00:01:39,916 --> 00:01:41,984
on his Best Man Jimmy day.
25
00:01:41,985 --> 00:01:44,454
Yuck. Lindser and I got
to run all over town
26
00:01:44,455 --> 00:01:47,123
getting this face and body camera-ready.
27
00:01:47,124 --> 00:01:48,347
Do you think I need to...?
28
00:01:48,348 --> 00:01:49,759
No one's gonna be looking at you.
29
00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:50,993
Literally no one.
30
00:01:50,994 --> 00:01:53,046
You're invisible tomorrow.
No one gives a fuck.
31
00:01:53,047 --> 00:01:54,197
You could die.
32
00:01:54,198 --> 00:01:58,100
I can't believe how
not freaked out I am.
33
00:01:58,101 --> 00:02:00,670
I thought I would be shitting my
pants the day before my wedding,
34
00:02:00,671 --> 00:02:02,172
but I just feel so good
35
00:02:02,173 --> 00:02:04,039
since I came clean to
you about everything.
36
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:07,725
You have given me a
gift no one has before.
37
00:02:09,013 --> 00:02:10,716
Acceptance.
38
00:02:11,182 --> 00:02:13,285
Unconditional acceptance.
39
00:02:13,951 --> 00:02:15,819
Jimmy, it's all I ever wanted.
40
00:02:16,382 --> 00:02:18,222
I finally feel truly safe.
41
00:02:18,957 --> 00:02:21,224
God, I'm genuinely touched.
42
00:02:21,225 --> 00:02:23,378
So safe, in fact...
43
00:02:24,662 --> 00:02:26,128
What are you doing there?
44
00:02:26,129 --> 00:02:27,997
So safe I feel like I can do anything
45
00:02:27,998 --> 00:02:30,184
and you'll never leave
me, no matter what I do.
46
00:02:32,186 --> 00:02:33,503
Why would you do that?
47
00:02:33,504 --> 00:02:36,138
It's a metaphor for how I
can do anything I want now.
48
00:02:36,139 --> 00:02:37,573
Yeah, a metaphor I'll be cleaning up.
49
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,875
You know you don't need to
fix my problems, Jimmy.
50
00:02:39,876 --> 00:02:41,143
So you're gonna clean it up?
51
00:02:41,144 --> 00:02:43,081
Cleaning it up ruins the metaphor.
52
00:02:44,591 --> 00:02:46,658
Paul! Did you get LASIK?
53
00:02:46,659 --> 00:02:49,752
Oh, good Lord. Costume changes?
54
00:02:49,753 --> 00:02:51,680
I guess I won't see you until...
55
00:02:51,681 --> 00:02:55,482
You're walking down the aisle in
hilariously incongruous white?
56
00:02:56,777 --> 00:02:58,694
Kiss, kiss, kiss,
57
00:02:58,695 --> 00:03:00,596
kiss, kiss,
58
00:03:00,597 --> 00:03:03,899
kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!
59
00:03:03,900 --> 00:03:05,167
- Kiss!
- Have sex, have sex,
60
00:03:05,168 --> 00:03:07,570
- have sex, have sex.
- All right.
61
00:03:07,571 --> 00:03:10,206
Let's get this over with.
62
00:03:10,207 --> 00:03:11,507
Don't lose him.
63
00:03:11,508 --> 00:03:13,943
I need that piece of shit
to marry me tomorrow.
64
00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:15,378
I won't.
65
00:03:15,379 --> 00:03:17,247
Ugh! I guess I'll go get dressed.
66
00:03:17,248 --> 00:03:19,849
Wait! Before you put on your pants,
67
00:03:19,850 --> 00:03:21,284
where's your favorite place to go?
68
00:03:21,285 --> 00:03:22,918
- Nowhere.
- That's where we're going.
69
00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:26,356
Are you serious? I don't
have to put on pants?
70
00:03:26,357 --> 00:03:28,057
You can Donald Duck that shit
71
00:03:28,058 --> 00:03:30,893
because this is your day.
72
00:03:30,894 --> 00:03:33,195
Everything is coming to us.
73
00:03:33,196 --> 00:03:35,798
Manis, pedis, facials, food, booze.
74
00:03:35,799 --> 00:03:39,635
Thank you. I am stupid excited
to hang out with you.
75
00:03:39,636 --> 00:03:42,872
- Same! Extra stupid.
- So...
76
00:03:42,873 --> 00:03:44,240
tell me the haps.
77
00:03:44,241 --> 00:03:46,609
What was it like munching Yvette's puss?
78
00:03:46,610 --> 00:03:50,097
Oh. Mani-pedis must be early.
79
00:03:52,099 --> 00:03:55,403
Hello... sir?
80
00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:59,389
Sorry, wrong... door.
81
00:04:01,425 --> 00:04:03,225
You have to get rid of her.
82
00:04:03,226 --> 00:04:05,661
I'm serious, whatever it takes.
83
00:04:14,104 --> 00:04:15,938
Mommy.
84
00:04:15,939 --> 00:04:18,173
Gretchen, why aren't you wearing pants?
85
00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:19,942
Do you not shave above the knee?
86
00:04:19,943 --> 00:04:22,745
I thought you and Daddy had plans today.
87
00:04:22,746 --> 00:04:24,614
Your father wanted to go
to the Reagan Library,
88
00:04:24,615 --> 00:04:26,582
but I've already been
there so many times.
89
00:04:26,583 --> 00:04:30,353
Hi, Mrs. Cutler. So nice
of you to surprise us.
90
00:04:30,354 --> 00:04:32,087
Gretchen, who is this person?
91
00:04:32,088 --> 00:04:33,356
Is that the right word?
92
00:04:33,357 --> 00:04:37,259
I want to be an ally, but
they make it so hard.
93
00:04:37,260 --> 00:04:40,095
- How's your hotel, Mommy?
- Dreadful.
94
00:04:40,096 --> 00:04:42,498
They put us near the elevator,
95
00:04:42,499 --> 00:04:43,933
so I made them move us.
96
00:04:43,934 --> 00:04:46,302
I had to go out into the hall,
97
00:04:46,303 --> 00:04:49,557
then we were near a baby, so I...
98
00:04:51,442 --> 00:04:53,108
For your butt.
99
00:04:53,109 --> 00:04:55,563
Sorry! Got to go.
100
00:04:57,365 --> 00:05:00,450
You are bailing on me the
day before my wedding?
101
00:05:00,451 --> 00:05:02,117
I'm sorry. I love you, I love you.
102
00:05:02,118 --> 00:05:03,971
You're on your own. Sorry!
103
00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:08,324
Is this a built-in couch?
104
00:05:08,325 --> 00:05:10,626
Must be impossible to clean.
105
00:05:10,627 --> 00:05:13,309
And you enjoy walking on the bare floor?
106
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:21,136
On the eve of this major
turning point in your life,
107
00:05:21,137 --> 00:05:23,739
we embark on three stops.
108
00:05:23,740 --> 00:05:25,675
This first stop
109
00:05:25,676 --> 00:05:29,679
represents a dream from your past.
110
00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:32,582
Something you used to talk about
111
00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:34,067
but never got to do.
112
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:38,688
Sochi 2014.
113
00:05:38,689 --> 00:05:41,657
You wouldn't stop talking about curling.
114
00:05:41,658 --> 00:05:43,993
No sport more misunderstood.
115
00:05:43,994 --> 00:05:48,731
No players more understandably
hair-trigger defensive
116
00:05:48,732 --> 00:05:52,085
than those of curling.
117
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,507
Fuck yeah.
118
00:05:57,508 --> 00:05:59,542
- ♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
- ♪ Too cold ♪
119
00:05:59,543 --> 00:06:01,711
♪ Can't move, too cold ♪
120
00:06:01,712 --> 00:06:03,345
♪ Yes, sir ♪
121
00:06:03,346 --> 00:06:04,614
♪ Too cold ♪
122
00:06:04,615 --> 00:06:06,749
♪ I-Ice cold, watch your steps ♪
123
00:06:06,750 --> 00:06:08,518
- ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
- ♪ I'm 'bout to watch my breath ♪
124
00:06:08,519 --> 00:06:10,453
♪ So cold, ain't got no threats ♪
125
00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:12,855
♪ Stand firm, arms
folded across my chest ♪
126
00:06:12,856 --> 00:06:14,189
♪ So cold ♪
127
00:06:14,190 --> 00:06:15,290
- ♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
- ♪ Too cold ♪
128
00:06:15,291 --> 00:06:16,892
♪ They drop us below zero ♪
129
00:06:16,893 --> 00:06:18,561
♪ We ain't moving, we too froze ♪
130
00:06:18,562 --> 00:06:21,931
♪ We can't move, we too cold ♪
131
00:06:21,932 --> 00:06:23,933
♪ Can't move, too cold ♪
132
00:06:23,934 --> 00:06:25,568
- ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
- ♪ Can't move ♪
133
00:06:25,569 --> 00:06:26,736
♪ Too cold ♪
134
00:06:26,737 --> 00:06:28,103
♪ We can't move, we too cold ♪
135
00:06:28,104 --> 00:06:29,772
♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪
136
00:06:29,773 --> 00:06:32,542
♪ Can't move, too cold ♪
137
00:06:32,543 --> 00:06:34,810
- ♪ Can't move ♪
- ♪ Too cold ♪
138
00:06:34,811 --> 00:06:36,746
♪ We gon' weather any weather ♪
139
00:06:36,747 --> 00:06:38,814
♪ Won't fall down, no pressure ♪
140
00:06:38,815 --> 00:06:41,083
- ♪ Oh, yeah ♪
- ♪ Want my ego below zero ♪
141
00:06:41,084 --> 00:06:42,552
♪ When I'm humble, I'm better ♪
142
00:06:42,553 --> 00:06:44,720
♪ Boy, they sick, get stretched ♪
143
00:06:44,721 --> 00:06:46,722
♪ This cold world will come get you ♪
144
00:06:46,723 --> 00:06:48,591
♪ They'll pull you down if you let 'em ♪
145
00:06:48,592 --> 00:06:51,060
♪ The clique froze, I don't
mean ice on the wrist ♪
146
00:06:51,061 --> 00:06:52,628
♪ Though, I mean we ain't changing ♪
147
00:06:52,629 --> 00:06:53,755
♪ To get dough ♪
148
00:06:53,756 --> 00:06:56,098
♪ Cold don't mean we
ain't lit, though, yo ♪
149
00:06:56,099 --> 00:06:58,067
♪ You might be trippin'
if you see the vision ♪
150
00:06:58,068 --> 00:07:00,335
♪ You catch at the clique's shows ♪
151
00:07:00,336 --> 00:07:01,804
♪ Fueled by the risen who's livin' ♪
152
00:07:01,805 --> 00:07:03,639
♪ While others spit
fire, we spit snow... ♪
153
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,991
- ♪ We gon' weather any weather ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪
154
00:07:21,992 --> 00:07:23,258
♪ Won't fall down, no pressure ♪
155
00:07:23,259 --> 00:07:25,360
♪ Want my ego below zero ♪
156
00:07:25,361 --> 00:07:26,910
♪ When I'm humble, I'm better ♪
157
00:07:26,911 --> 00:07:28,651
♪ We still fly with no feathers ♪
158
00:07:28,652 --> 00:07:30,431
♪ They'll pull you down if you let 'em ♪
159
00:07:30,432 --> 00:07:33,202
♪ Oh ♪
160
00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:35,671
♪ Oh... ♪
161
00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:37,525
♪ Too cold. ♪
162
00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:45,717
Hello?
163
00:07:47,117 --> 00:07:48,422
Are you...
164
00:07:49,295 --> 00:07:50,371
me?
165
00:07:52,823 --> 00:07:55,530
Oh, thank God.
166
00:07:55,531 --> 00:07:57,993
For a second I thought
I was in a Black Swan.
167
00:07:57,994 --> 00:08:00,963
Becca is being reckless with
her health and, therefore,
168
00:08:00,964 --> 00:08:02,632
with the health of my progeny.
169
00:08:02,633 --> 00:08:05,501
She butt-dialed me from a wine tour.
170
00:08:05,502 --> 00:08:07,637
Gretchen's bitch mom ruined my day,
171
00:08:07,638 --> 00:08:09,022
so let's sort this sitch out.
172
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,088
Becca? Get over here.
173
00:08:13,089 --> 00:08:15,001
And bring back all the TP you stole.
174
00:08:15,002 --> 00:08:17,497
Last night I had to wipe with a sock.
175
00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:22,212
Have you ever considered curtains?
176
00:08:23,153 --> 00:08:26,488
How's Daddy? Is he playing a
lot of golf? How's his knee?
177
00:08:26,489 --> 00:08:30,993
He's fine. Oh, before I forget, I
need to see the seating chart.
178
00:08:30,994 --> 00:08:32,880
- Now?
- Thank you.
179
00:08:37,084 --> 00:08:38,267
Can you make it bigger?
180
00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:40,870
Go up.
181
00:08:40,871 --> 00:08:44,540
You sat Robert next to his
son? You have to change it.
182
00:08:44,541 --> 00:08:49,111
Who is this Paul person, and
why doesn't he have a table?
183
00:08:49,112 --> 00:08:50,680
What if you moved him...?
184
00:08:50,681 --> 00:08:52,900
No! Paul throws everything off!
185
00:08:54,952 --> 00:08:57,163
I'm sorry. Uh, the chart took forever.
186
00:08:58,221 --> 00:09:00,055
Do you know how embarrassing it is
187
00:09:00,056 --> 00:09:02,625
when people ask me about
the menu and the flowers,
188
00:09:02,626 --> 00:09:04,594
and I just have to shrug
189
00:09:04,595 --> 00:09:07,229
and say, "I suppose I'll see"?
190
00:09:07,230 --> 00:09:09,531
Other than that phone call
in the middle of the night
191
00:09:09,532 --> 00:09:11,901
to let me know that you and
Boone were getting married,
192
00:09:11,902 --> 00:09:14,205
you've haven't told me a thing.
193
00:09:16,218 --> 00:09:18,540
You sure we haven't talked
about the wedding since then?
194
00:09:18,541 --> 00:09:19,894
Positive.
195
00:09:21,410 --> 00:09:26,070
That's really funny, because
I just realized now
196
00:09:26,071 --> 00:09:28,383
that there might have been an assumption
197
00:09:28,384 --> 00:09:30,886
that I might have
inadvertently forgotten
198
00:09:30,887 --> 00:09:32,755
to set the record straight,
199
00:09:32,756 --> 00:09:35,168
and you might still think that...
200
00:09:37,908 --> 00:09:40,257
Mommy, I'm marrying Jimmy, not Boone.
201
00:09:44,017 --> 00:09:46,168
- Mommy, I said I'm...
- I know you're marrying Jimmy.
202
00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:47,839
I'm not a complete idiot.
203
00:09:48,438 --> 00:09:50,367
Oh. Then why are you here?
204
00:09:52,413 --> 00:09:54,762
Our daughter is getting married.
205
00:09:58,165 --> 00:10:00,161
We've had front row seats
to all your mistakes,
206
00:10:00,162 --> 00:10:01,853
so why stop now?
207
00:10:02,753 --> 00:10:06,316
Do you have a saltine?
I'm a bit peckish.
208
00:10:12,595 --> 00:10:14,864
Okay, for our second stop, Jimmy,
209
00:10:14,865 --> 00:10:18,226
- this one represents...
- Oh, let me guess. My present.
210
00:10:18,227 --> 00:10:20,809
No. Your present is now, why
would you need to visit it?
211
00:10:20,810 --> 00:10:23,939
No, it's your past again,
but this one is bad.
212
00:10:23,940 --> 00:10:28,377
It's all the anger and stress
and anxiety you've held onto,
213
00:10:28,378 --> 00:10:32,514
and it is time to let it out.
214
00:10:36,432 --> 00:10:37,953
It's a smash room.
215
00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:45,913
A safe way to externally
fight the demons within.
216
00:10:47,235 --> 00:10:49,231
I can see how you might
be drawn to this,
217
00:10:49,232 --> 00:10:51,000
but as someone who lives
his life honestly,
218
00:10:51,001 --> 00:10:53,468
I have no need for a safe space
219
00:10:53,469 --> 00:10:57,907
to vent the impotent rage
I simply do not possess.
220
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,271
Yeah!
221
00:11:18,862 --> 00:11:21,348
Aah! Ah, yeah!
222
00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:39,281
Dial-ins!
223
00:11:39,282 --> 00:11:40,850
Sheila!
224
00:11:40,851 --> 00:11:42,451
Studio system!
225
00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:44,519
Signature cocktails!
226
00:11:44,520 --> 00:11:45,755
Vendors!
227
00:11:45,756 --> 00:11:47,189
Caterers!
228
00:11:47,190 --> 00:11:48,405
Depression!
229
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:03,873
Do it! Do it!
230
00:12:03,874 --> 00:12:05,240
Do it!
231
00:12:05,241 --> 00:12:08,043
Do it! Do it! Do it!
232
00:12:08,044 --> 00:12:10,645
Do it! Do it! Do it!
233
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,221
I'm getting married, Papa.
234
00:12:17,587 --> 00:12:18,888
Aw...
235
00:12:22,425 --> 00:12:27,387
Paul, Becca, please keep in mind
what's important is the welfare
236
00:12:27,388 --> 00:12:30,024
of a child that's going to exist soon,
237
00:12:30,025 --> 00:12:33,363
so let's clear the air and
everyone agree to stop
238
00:12:33,364 --> 00:12:36,005
ruining Paul's baby, you heinous bitch.
239
00:12:36,006 --> 00:12:38,429
I'm not ruining his baby.
240
00:12:38,430 --> 00:12:41,793
I can't help it if the baby
craves unpasteurized cheese.
241
00:12:41,794 --> 00:12:43,915
- And sushi?
- I didn't eat sushi.
242
00:12:43,916 --> 00:12:46,050
It was sashimi. Rice goes
straight to my hips.
243
00:12:46,051 --> 00:12:47,149
Chillax, dorkus.
244
00:12:47,150 --> 00:12:48,417
It's good to challenge
babies' immune systems.
245
00:12:48,418 --> 00:12:50,185
That's how you make an X-Men.
246
00:12:52,490 --> 00:12:54,924
You agreed to follow a
rigorous meal plan,
247
00:12:54,925 --> 00:12:57,292
to do yoga and Pilates,
248
00:12:57,293 --> 00:12:59,761
to play it trans-vaginal Mozart.
249
00:12:59,762 --> 00:13:01,931
My wife's not jacking it
with that dildo speaker
250
00:13:01,932 --> 00:13:03,532
to play your kid nerd music.
251
00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:06,135
- It's all in the contract.
- Since you brought it up,
252
00:13:06,136 --> 00:13:10,105
I do have a solid legal basis
for increased parental rights
253
00:13:10,106 --> 00:13:13,508
due to the altered
method of insemination.
254
00:13:13,509 --> 00:13:15,644
You want parental rights?
255
00:13:15,645 --> 00:13:19,849
No, I just said I have a legal
basis for parental rights.
256
00:13:19,850 --> 00:13:22,451
Plus, I do have a geriatric womb
257
00:13:22,452 --> 00:13:24,462
and might not ever get pregnant again.
258
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:27,789
What if I never get pregnant again?
259
00:13:27,790 --> 00:13:30,192
I'm not gonna lie, I was hoping
we'd get a do-over someday.
260
00:13:30,193 --> 00:13:31,626
Tallulah's great, but face it,
261
00:13:31,627 --> 00:13:33,228
we're not turning that boat around.
262
00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:36,430
Vernon, we have to keep this baby.
263
00:13:36,431 --> 00:13:38,868
I can already feel how much it loves me.
264
00:13:38,869 --> 00:13:40,970
She's bluffing. When Bec and I
were kids, she would threaten
265
00:13:40,971 --> 00:13:44,206
to kill herself if I didn't
give her my Choco Taco.
266
00:13:44,207 --> 00:13:46,708
Please. Just tell me how much.
267
00:13:46,709 --> 00:13:49,078
Paul, you can't put a
price on a mother's love.
268
00:13:49,079 --> 00:13:51,341
But if you want to put a
price on a mother's love,
269
00:13:51,342 --> 00:13:54,149
- low mid-to-mid six figs all in.
- Six?
270
00:13:54,150 --> 00:13:55,756
If you're not willing to
give everything you have
271
00:13:55,757 --> 00:13:59,272
for this baby, maybe you
don't really want it.
272
00:14:02,986 --> 00:14:04,359
I think you might be right.
273
00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:06,595
- What?
- I love the idea of a child,
274
00:14:06,596 --> 00:14:10,966
but I don't think I'm
ready for the reality.
275
00:14:10,967 --> 00:14:12,619
I think...
276
00:14:15,194 --> 00:14:16,289
I think I'm out.
277
00:14:18,685 --> 00:14:21,019
- Thank you, Becca.
- Paul, no.
278
00:14:21,020 --> 00:14:25,607
I'll be okay. Maybe I'll take the
hundreds of thousands of dollars
279
00:14:25,608 --> 00:14:27,516
I already put into a college fund
280
00:14:27,517 --> 00:14:29,018
and use it towards my travels.
281
00:14:29,019 --> 00:14:32,145
Babies are the real trip. All
kinds of new experiences.
282
00:14:32,146 --> 00:14:34,869
The nonstop screaming, clipping
them tiny fingie nails,
283
00:14:34,870 --> 00:14:36,609
not being able to run out right quick
284
00:14:36,610 --> 00:14:38,093
to see the new Minions movie 'cause some
285
00:14:38,094 --> 00:14:40,930
little dummy might roll
over onto her face and die.
286
00:14:40,931 --> 00:14:44,599
I think it may be best for all if
I begin my travels immediately.
287
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:48,324
Paul, you can't leave. It's your baby.
288
00:15:04,295 --> 00:15:06,621
Wait, Paul! We were bluffing.
289
00:15:06,622 --> 00:15:08,834
I can't do it all over
again. You can't make me.
290
00:15:09,528 --> 00:15:11,148
20 grand, all in.
291
00:15:12,075 --> 00:15:14,481
30, or I kill myself.
292
00:15:17,150 --> 00:15:18,800
Fifteen.
293
00:15:18,801 --> 00:15:20,587
- Done.
- Done.
294
00:15:25,684 --> 00:15:28,443
And when she refused to stop
parking in front of our house,
295
00:15:28,444 --> 00:15:33,028
I simply had Enrique change
the sprinklers to go off
296
00:15:33,029 --> 00:15:36,518
right before she had to leave
for work in the morning.
297
00:15:36,519 --> 00:15:37,953
You think this marriage is a mistake,
298
00:15:37,954 --> 00:15:39,321
and you weren't gonna say anything?
299
00:15:40,523 --> 00:15:42,748
Do we have to talk about this?
300
00:15:42,749 --> 00:15:44,759
We were having such a nice day.
301
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,595
Actually, we do have to talk about it,
302
00:15:46,596 --> 00:15:49,298
and we're not having a nice
day. This is a terrible day.
303
00:15:49,299 --> 00:15:51,957
You are my mother, and yet you refuse
304
00:15:51,958 --> 00:15:53,835
to ever talk to me about anything real.
305
00:15:53,836 --> 00:15:55,470
I was just telling you all about
306
00:15:55,471 --> 00:15:57,439
the new Oriental family next door.
307
00:15:57,440 --> 00:15:59,808
Anything real, Mother.
308
00:15:59,809 --> 00:16:03,378
You're so afraid you might
hear something unpleasant.
309
00:16:03,379 --> 00:16:05,847
You always have to be so provocative.
310
00:16:05,848 --> 00:16:07,382
It's the day before my fucking wedding,
311
00:16:07,383 --> 00:16:09,151
and you know nothing about me!
312
00:16:09,152 --> 00:16:11,786
- What don't I know about you?
- Seriously?
313
00:16:11,787 --> 00:16:13,622
Let's see, uh, in high school, I had
314
00:16:13,623 --> 00:16:15,124
more sex in your bed than you did.
315
00:16:15,125 --> 00:16:16,558
Granny's Homer painting that's been
316
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:18,560
in the family for decades?
317
00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:21,196
Fake. I sold the original to buy acid.
318
00:16:21,197 --> 00:16:23,832
I said that my piano
teacher "bad-touched me"
319
00:16:23,833 --> 00:16:25,236
to get out of a recital.
320
00:16:26,691 --> 00:16:28,408
I'm gonna go have a cigarette.
321
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:32,342
Congratulations, Gretchen.
322
00:16:32,343 --> 00:16:34,418
You've driven the help away again.
323
00:16:34,419 --> 00:16:37,715
The hamster didn't escape,
I forgot to feed him.
324
00:16:37,716 --> 00:16:40,482
Abortions? Yup!
325
00:16:40,483 --> 00:16:42,684
I didn't graduate from college.
326
00:16:42,685 --> 00:16:44,737
I know all of this, Gretchen.
327
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:47,822
Bullshit.
328
00:16:47,823 --> 00:16:50,325
No way. You would have tried to stop me.
329
00:16:50,326 --> 00:16:51,660
When could I ever control you?
330
00:16:51,661 --> 00:16:53,996
When did you ever try?
331
00:16:54,609 --> 00:16:57,622
Did you ever think that
maybe, just maybe,
332
00:16:57,623 --> 00:17:00,102
all the terrible shit I
did was a cry for help?
333
00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:01,762
Your father and I didn't
want to indulge you.
334
00:17:01,763 --> 00:17:02,768
Why not?
335
00:17:02,769 --> 00:17:05,040
You wouldn't have figured out
how to take care of yourself.
336
00:17:05,041 --> 00:17:07,442
I can't take care of myself!
337
00:17:07,443 --> 00:17:10,097
I have been suffering in the dark
338
00:17:10,098 --> 00:17:13,915
with a severe goddamn mental
illness for my entire life!
339
00:17:13,916 --> 00:17:15,627
Oh, stop it.
340
00:17:15,628 --> 00:17:17,452
Just because you're blue now and again
341
00:17:17,453 --> 00:17:20,622
does not mean that you have an illness.
342
00:17:20,623 --> 00:17:22,928
You caught me drowning
my American Girl dolls.
343
00:17:22,929 --> 00:17:24,793
Why didn't you do anything?!
344
00:17:24,794 --> 00:17:26,461
This is really too much.
345
00:17:26,462 --> 00:17:28,727
I tried to kill myself, Mommy.
346
00:17:29,274 --> 00:17:30,407
I did.
347
00:17:31,354 --> 00:17:33,136
When I was 17.
348
00:17:33,971 --> 00:17:36,705
I really wanted to die. I really did.
349
00:17:36,706 --> 00:17:38,809
I sometimes still do.
350
00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:44,087
You're right.
351
00:17:44,974 --> 00:17:47,716
Nothing we did was ever enough for you.
352
00:17:47,717 --> 00:17:50,916
Don't you think that if
I had talked to someone
353
00:17:51,555 --> 00:17:56,374
when I was 13 or 17 or 26,
354
00:17:56,375 --> 00:17:58,403
that I would be better now?
355
00:17:58,923 --> 00:18:00,729
That I wouldn't be this person?
356
00:18:00,730 --> 00:18:01,814
What do you want?
357
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:03,859
Do you want me to hold you
358
00:18:03,860 --> 00:18:05,634
and tell you that I'm miserable, too?
359
00:18:06,282 --> 00:18:08,770
That I haven't felt
love for your father,
360
00:18:08,771 --> 00:18:11,182
for anyone, in 20 years?
361
00:18:11,183 --> 00:18:13,408
That I would kill to have an affair
362
00:18:13,409 --> 00:18:16,512
but I'm too scared of
what people might say?
363
00:18:17,104 --> 00:18:20,367
Or worse, that no one would have me?
364
00:18:22,392 --> 00:18:23,770
Yes.
365
00:18:26,882 --> 00:18:28,551
Well, I don't.
366
00:18:30,511 --> 00:18:31,660
Everyone's fine.
367
00:18:33,705 --> 00:18:35,324
Life is good, Gretchen.
368
00:18:35,865 --> 00:18:38,500
I don't know why you have to make it
369
00:18:38,501 --> 00:18:40,496
so difficult for yourself.
370
00:18:42,105 --> 00:18:45,431
I don't make it difficult.
It is difficult.
371
00:18:52,313 --> 00:18:54,015
To be honest, it feels like...
372
00:18:54,016 --> 00:18:55,517
No one wants to hear these things.
373
00:18:55,518 --> 00:18:57,886
If you insist on sharing them,
374
00:18:57,887 --> 00:18:59,443
you'll just push everyone away.
375
00:19:12,352 --> 00:19:13,721
You're wrong, Mommy.
376
00:19:14,636 --> 00:19:16,949
Maybe it'll push you
away, but not Jimmy.
377
00:19:27,217 --> 00:19:31,186
Last stop on the train.
378
00:19:34,124 --> 00:19:36,325
Is this a private club?
379
00:19:36,326 --> 00:19:39,043
Where powerful people talk
about their mistresses
380
00:19:39,044 --> 00:19:41,029
and topple governments?
381
00:19:41,030 --> 00:19:43,998
Yup. And you're now a member.
382
00:19:43,999 --> 00:19:46,201
It doesn't actually unlock anything.
383
00:19:46,202 --> 00:19:48,418
You just show it and you get in.
384
00:19:57,764 --> 00:19:59,948
Yep. Enjoy.
385
00:19:59,949 --> 00:20:01,350
No. No, they'll sniff me out.
386
00:20:01,351 --> 00:20:04,519
No, that-that's the point of this day.
387
00:20:04,520 --> 00:20:08,189
You still think of
yourself as lowly, poor,
388
00:20:08,190 --> 00:20:12,245
undeserving on the
outside, but, Jimmy...
389
00:20:18,234 --> 00:20:20,453
...you belong now.
390
00:20:25,157 --> 00:20:26,893
Go ahead.
391
00:20:31,314 --> 00:20:33,214
♪ And it all but seems ♪
392
00:20:33,215 --> 00:20:36,269
♪ My lifetime dreams have ended ♪
393
00:20:38,137 --> 00:20:41,122
♪ And I know some people hope ♪
394
00:20:41,123 --> 00:20:43,175
♪ They won't come true ♪
395
00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:47,079
♪ On... ♪
396
00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:53,286
♪ Lankershim, Lankershim ♪
397
00:20:55,422 --> 00:21:01,843
♪ I can't start to live here anymore ♪
398
00:21:01,844 --> 00:21:03,978
♪ Yeah ♪
399
00:21:03,979 --> 00:21:05,447
♪ Oh ♪
400
00:21:05,448 --> 00:21:09,436
♪ I walk away, I walk away ♪
401
00:21:19,479 --> 00:21:21,262
♪ When someone loves you ♪
402
00:21:21,263 --> 00:21:23,432
♪ But you just can't figure it out ♪
403
00:21:23,433 --> 00:21:26,368
♪ Just walk away, just walk away ♪
404
00:21:26,369 --> 00:21:29,155
♪ Just walk away ♪
405
00:21:30,490 --> 00:21:32,841
♪ Oh ♪
406
00:21:32,842 --> 00:21:35,995
♪ Oh, you walked away,
you walked away. ♪
407
00:21:41,568 --> 00:21:43,518
Carve out sauvignon blanc
408
00:21:43,519 --> 00:21:45,053
in the third trimester,
409
00:21:45,054 --> 00:21:47,856
and you can do whatever you
want with my placenta.
410
00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:54,796
Threaten the well-being
of my child again,
411
00:21:54,797 --> 00:21:56,816
and I'll sue the britches off of you.
412
00:22:06,918 --> 00:22:08,309
You jerk!
413
00:22:08,310 --> 00:22:10,078
You were gonna leave.
414
00:22:10,079 --> 00:22:12,038
I wasn't serious.
415
00:22:12,039 --> 00:22:14,816
I was calling Becca's
bluff, like you said.
416
00:22:14,817 --> 00:22:18,277
I believed you. Well done.
417
00:22:19,230 --> 00:22:21,107
Anyway, I'm glad you're staying.
418
00:22:23,299 --> 00:22:26,096
So, I guess I'll see you
tomorrow for the big day.
419
00:22:27,373 --> 00:22:28,830
Give me a call if you need anything,
420
00:22:28,831 --> 00:22:31,017
or even if you just want to talk.
421
00:22:31,697 --> 00:22:33,334
Does anybody talk on the phone anymore?
422
00:22:35,170 --> 00:22:37,706
"Klondike one nine, patch
me through, Midge."
423
00:22:39,208 --> 00:22:42,135
I don't know what
you're doing, but okay.
424
00:22:42,136 --> 00:22:43,930
Bye, Paul.
425
00:23:03,021 --> 00:23:04,399
Did I forget something?
426
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:07,068
No. You said to call.
427
00:23:07,069 --> 00:23:08,389
Oh.
428
00:23:09,415 --> 00:23:10,730
Do you want me to come back in?
429
00:23:12,759 --> 00:23:14,019
No.
430
00:23:15,045 --> 00:23:16,463
This is nice.
431
00:23:18,212 --> 00:23:19,246
Hey, Paul?
432
00:23:19,779 --> 00:23:20,952
Yes?
433
00:23:21,565 --> 00:23:23,099
How do fish sleep?
434
00:23:26,821 --> 00:23:28,423
Oh, golly.
435
00:23:28,894 --> 00:23:30,425
It's weirder than you think.
436
00:23:30,967 --> 00:23:34,162
For starters, fish don't have eyelids.
437
00:23:34,163 --> 00:23:35,915
Wow.
438
00:23:41,320 --> 00:23:42,544
You're leaving?
439
00:23:42,545 --> 00:23:44,590
I have to go meet your
father at the hotel.
440
00:23:44,591 --> 00:23:46,741
Apparently, he and the
docent got into it
441
00:23:46,742 --> 00:23:48,616
about Reagan's handling of AIDS,
442
00:23:48,617 --> 00:23:50,579
and he's still a little wound up.
443
00:23:50,580 --> 00:23:52,180
I will see you tomorrow.
444
00:23:52,181 --> 00:23:54,248
- You're still coming?
- You know,
445
00:23:54,249 --> 00:23:57,567
I see young people,
daughters of my friends
446
00:23:57,568 --> 00:23:59,287
struggling with the question
of having children,
447
00:23:59,288 --> 00:24:03,158
and I just want to tell them, "Don't.
448
00:24:04,507 --> 00:24:06,006
It's not worth it."
449
00:24:06,007 --> 00:24:08,249
- Mom.
- I'm serious.
450
00:24:08,250 --> 00:24:10,282
What pleasure is it?
451
00:24:12,002 --> 00:24:13,621
You don't like me.
452
00:24:15,064 --> 00:24:16,832
Your brother's a child.
453
00:24:19,140 --> 00:24:20,615
You wanted real.
454
00:24:22,088 --> 00:24:23,678
Whatever you think of me,
455
00:24:23,679 --> 00:24:28,301
it's my job to want more for you
than you want for yourself.
456
00:24:28,961 --> 00:24:31,668
But if you need someone
who doesn't push you
457
00:24:31,669 --> 00:24:33,724
and embraces your flaws,
458
00:24:35,876 --> 00:24:37,459
I'm glad you found Jimmy.
459
00:24:38,782 --> 00:24:40,851
I wish you had that, too, Mommy.
460
00:24:45,470 --> 00:24:46,887
See you tomorrow.
461
00:24:58,323 --> 00:25:01,386
What a rush. I was on fire.
462
00:25:01,387 --> 00:25:03,051
They followed my stories.
463
00:25:03,052 --> 00:25:07,561
They understood my obscure
allusions and complex wordplay.
464
00:25:07,562 --> 00:25:09,289
They loved me!
465
00:25:09,682 --> 00:25:11,760
You just found your people, Jimmy.
466
00:25:12,913 --> 00:25:15,284
You found my people.
467
00:25:15,285 --> 00:25:18,877
You know, it is both
infuriating and humbling
468
00:25:18,878 --> 00:25:21,102
how thoughtful of a friend you are.
469
00:25:21,103 --> 00:25:24,508
You've seen me at my worst, and yet...
470
00:25:25,843 --> 00:25:27,803
you've always seen my worth.
471
00:25:29,183 --> 00:25:31,245
And still, it took me years,
472
00:25:31,246 --> 00:25:32,781
literally, to see yours.
473
00:25:32,782 --> 00:25:35,077
- It's okay, Jimmy.
- No. No, it's not.
474
00:25:35,860 --> 00:25:40,422
You are and have always been my best man
475
00:25:40,970 --> 00:25:42,457
and my best friend.
476
00:25:42,817 --> 00:25:44,512
Thanks, Jimmy, I, uh...
477
00:25:45,361 --> 00:25:47,061
I thought this conversation
would be easier
478
00:25:47,062 --> 00:25:48,599
after everything we did today.
479
00:25:55,439 --> 00:25:57,718
I wanted to remind you
how far you've come,
480
00:25:58,412 --> 00:25:59,825
how much you've grown,
481
00:26:00,243 --> 00:26:01,645
so I can say this:
482
00:26:03,331 --> 00:26:04,537
don't marry her.
483
00:26:05,643 --> 00:26:07,481
You told me not to lie to you,
484
00:26:07,482 --> 00:26:09,475
and the truth is, you can't do it.
485
00:26:09,476 --> 00:26:10,919
You can't marry Gretchen.
486
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:15,323
No. No, Edgar, we're...
we're in a good place.
487
00:26:15,324 --> 00:26:18,927
I mean, she came clean with me.
She's stopped lying to me.
488
00:26:18,928 --> 00:26:21,173
- For me.
- I don't think it's enough.
489
00:26:21,174 --> 00:26:23,097
Because even when you tell
each other the truth,
490
00:26:23,098 --> 00:26:24,612
you don't do anything about it
491
00:26:24,613 --> 00:26:26,267
and you just end up hurting each other.
492
00:26:26,268 --> 00:26:28,138
I'm not gonna hurt Gretchen.
493
00:26:28,745 --> 00:26:31,198
Not in ways that count.
She's a tough girl.
494
00:26:31,199 --> 00:26:33,574
- Beautiful. Are those your vows?
- Fuck you.
495
00:26:33,575 --> 00:26:35,176
You guys hold how you
don't judge each other
496
00:26:35,177 --> 00:26:37,160
as this great thing,
but it's really not.
497
00:26:37,161 --> 00:26:39,781
It's just a justification
for your guys' selfishness.
498
00:26:39,782 --> 00:26:42,416
You love each other, but
that's not the same thing
499
00:26:42,417 --> 00:26:44,118
as being good for each other.
500
00:26:44,119 --> 00:26:45,817
- You stop talking.
- I'm sorry, Jimmy.
501
00:26:45,818 --> 00:26:47,488
I'm right. You know I'm right.
502
00:26:47,489 --> 00:26:49,624
I don't give a shit
503
00:26:49,625 --> 00:26:52,327
what you think about our relationship.
504
00:26:53,476 --> 00:26:54,528
I never have.
505
00:26:54,529 --> 00:26:56,798
You're pathetic. You're nothing!
506
00:26:56,799 --> 00:26:58,432
I talked to the venue and the caterers.
507
00:26:58,433 --> 00:26:59,801
- Stop it.
- And they are willing
508
00:26:59,802 --> 00:27:02,203
to give you half your deposit
back if you cancel now.
509
00:27:02,204 --> 00:27:04,605
We can get in my car and
drive to the desert.
510
00:27:04,606 --> 00:27:06,841
We can drive to San Francisco.
We can just drive wherever,
511
00:27:06,842 --> 00:27:08,042
just as long as you...
512
00:27:08,043 --> 00:27:10,813
- We are done.
- Jimmy.
513
00:27:11,668 --> 00:27:14,166
I don't want to see you ever again.
514
00:27:18,517 --> 00:27:20,474
You'll destroy each other.
515
00:27:23,628 --> 00:27:25,861
There is no way I'd rather go.
516
00:27:52,321 --> 00:27:57,058
♪ Forever and a day ♪
517
00:27:57,059 --> 00:28:01,195
♪ We'll dream our lives away ♪
518
00:28:01,196 --> 00:28:03,865
♪ Our love is here to stay ♪
519
00:28:03,866 --> 00:28:06,534
♪ Marry me ♪
520
00:28:06,535 --> 00:28:09,871
♪ I'll give you every
color of the rainbow ♪
521
00:28:09,872 --> 00:28:11,172
Aah!
522
00:28:14,343 --> 00:28:17,111
♪ They'll say it can't be done ♪
523
00:28:17,112 --> 00:28:21,182
♪ But what do they know? ♪
524
00:28:21,183 --> 00:28:24,585
♪ You'll never be alone ♪
525
00:28:24,586 --> 00:28:27,889
♪ And I'm a baritone ♪
526
00:28:27,890 --> 00:28:31,893
♪ Marry me ♪
527
00:28:31,894 --> 00:28:34,462
♪ I'll gaze into your eyes ♪
528
00:28:34,463 --> 00:28:38,900
♪ And say I love you ♪
529
00:28:38,901 --> 00:28:44,906
♪ There'll always be a
rainbow right above you ♪
530
00:28:44,907 --> 00:28:48,910
♪ Forever and a day ♪
531
00:28:48,911 --> 00:28:53,949
♪ We'll watch our children
play, I know... ♪
38542
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