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1
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- The Chief Whip and Party Chairman to see you.
- Take a seat. I'll be right with you.
2
00:00:45,614 --> 00:00:49,209
Bernard, take a seat.
I want you here for this meeting.
3
00:00:49,374 --> 00:00:53,083
- Isn't this a party matter?
- It's also a government matter.
4
00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:56,849
- It's about our education policy.
- The government's or party's?
5
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- It's the same thing.
- With respect, they're not the same thing.
6
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- That's why we want the meeting.
- It seems...
7
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Bernard... sit!
8
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Stay.
9
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What's the problem?
10
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- Education.
- What can I do about it?
11
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- You're the Prime Minister.
- Yes, I know.
12
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I have no direct control over education.
13
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I don't control the curriculum or exams. I don't
control the choice of head teachers. Nothing.
14
00:01:29,854 --> 00:01:33,813
The voters hold you responsible for everything.
You do have influence.
15
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I'm fed up with it. When I became PM, I thought
I'd have power. And what have I got? Influence.
16
00:01:40,134 --> 00:01:42,932
I've got no power over the police, the rates,
17
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EEC directives, European courts, our courts,
the judges, NATO.
18
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- What have I got the power to do?
- Lose us the next election.
19
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Which you will if you don't tackle education.
20
00:01:55,294 --> 00:01:59,890
The voters want something done
about low academic attainment.
21
00:02:00,054 --> 00:02:02,773
- Sex education!
- I'm not against sex education.
22
00:02:02,934 --> 00:02:08,770
I'm not against children being taught the facts
of life in class, but not homosexual technique!
23
00:02:08,934 --> 00:02:13,132
- Or heterosexual technique, come to that.
- Where should they learn it?
24
00:02:13,294 --> 00:02:15,762
Behind the bike sheds like we did!
25
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Did you?
26
00:02:19,494 --> 00:02:21,485
Never mind sexual technique.
27
00:02:21,654 --> 00:02:24,851
Some of our schools are teaching
more Hindi than English.
28
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I know English is more important,
but I daren't say so or I'd be accused of racism.
29
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When I met the Ethnic Awareness Council,
I happened to glance at my watch
30
00:02:34,014 --> 00:02:38,849
when a black woman delegate was speaking
and I was accused of racist body language.
31
00:02:39,014 --> 00:02:40,606
And sexist.
32
00:02:40,774 --> 00:02:44,972
- I get the message. What do you want me to do?
- Get a grip on education.
33
00:02:45,134 --> 00:02:48,331
Get Henry to do something
about the Department of Education.
34
00:02:48,494 --> 00:02:50,928
- They've got him house-trained.
- Sack him.
35
00:02:51,094 --> 00:02:53,562
I can't have another Cabinet convulsion.
36
00:02:53,734 --> 00:02:57,249
- Then invite the opposition leader's wife here.
- What can she do?
37
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Start measuring up for carpets and curtains.
38
00:03:03,414 --> 00:03:06,406
Yes, right, fine. This afternoon?
39
00:03:06,574 --> 00:03:10,533
- Bernard, I believe the PM wants to see me.
- Yes, Sir Humphrey.
40
00:03:10,694 --> 00:03:13,891
- What's his problem?
- Education.
41
00:03:14,054 --> 00:03:17,649
Well, it's a bit late to do anything about that now.
42
00:03:17,814 --> 00:03:20,806
- No, no, the education system.
- I see.
43
00:03:20,974 --> 00:03:25,411
- Bit late to do anything about that either.
- He thinks he'll lose the next election.
44
00:03:25,574 --> 00:03:29,852
- Worse things could befall the nation.
- He can't ignore facts.
45
00:03:30,014 --> 00:03:34,007
If he can't ignore facts,
he's got no business being a politician.
46
00:03:35,134 --> 00:03:38,331
Anyway, Bernard, he's got nothing to worry about.
47
00:03:38,494 --> 00:03:42,089
The education system does all
most parents require of it.
48
00:03:42,254 --> 00:03:44,973
Keeps children out of mischief
while they're at work.
49
00:03:45,134 --> 00:03:50,413
That paper the Party Chairman had suggests
the comprehensive system is breaking down.
50
00:03:50,574 --> 00:03:56,968
Bernard, I never thought to hear such language
from a loyal member of the Civil Service!
51
00:03:57,134 --> 00:04:01,286
- Have you been got at by the enemy?
- You mean the Russians?
52
00:04:03,094 --> 00:04:07,884
No, Bernard, I mean the Prime Minister's
political advisor - that Wainwright female.
53
00:04:08,054 --> 00:04:13,208
- Comprehensive education ought to be validated.
- Of course, but not invalidated.
54
00:04:13,374 --> 00:04:16,252
But if it was introduced to improve standards...
55
00:04:16,414 --> 00:04:19,611
Whatever gave you that idea?
56
00:04:20,574 --> 00:04:24,408
- You mean it was to get rid of class distinction?
- Precisely!
57
00:04:24,574 --> 00:04:26,769
- So that all children...
- Children?
58
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:30,131
- Who mentioned children?
- I just...
59
00:04:30,294 --> 00:04:33,684
The Department of Education
never mentions children!
60
00:04:33,854 --> 00:04:38,803
No, no, no, no, Bernard. It was to get rid of
class distinction in the teaching profession.
61
00:04:40,614 --> 00:04:45,085
Improve the living standard of teachers,
not the educational standards of children.
62
00:04:45,254 --> 00:04:48,246
Bring the NUT teachers up to the salary level
63
00:04:48,414 --> 00:04:52,885
of their rivals in the National Association
of Schoolmasters in the grammar schools.
64
00:04:53,054 --> 00:04:56,046
- But the...
- When there is a Labour government,
65
00:04:56,214 --> 00:05:00,207
the Education Department says
comprehensives abolish the class system.
66
00:05:00,374 --> 00:05:04,970
When there's a Tory government, they say
it's the cheapest way to provide mass education.
67
00:05:05,134 --> 00:05:08,331
To Labour, we explain
that selective education is divisive
68
00:05:08,494 --> 00:05:11,930
and to the Tories we explain that it is expensive.
69
00:05:13,214 --> 00:05:19,210
That way, we have a happy relationship with the
NUT and we educate our own children privately.
70
00:05:21,214 --> 00:05:24,923
- But if the government wants change...
- The teaching unions don't.
71
00:05:25,094 --> 00:05:28,689
Isn't it our job to persuade unions
to accept government policy?
72
00:05:28,854 --> 00:05:33,006
No, it is our job to get the government
to accept union policy.
73
00:05:33,174 --> 00:05:38,965
Since government change policy all the time
and unions never change their policy at all,
74
00:05:39,134 --> 00:05:43,605
common sense requires that the government
be brought in line with the unions.
75
00:05:45,534 --> 00:05:48,606
Yes, Prime Minister?
Oh, fine. He can see you now.
76
00:05:49,654 --> 00:05:54,853
Sir Humphrey, he's very worried that he seems
responsible for something he can't change.
77
00:05:55,014 --> 00:05:58,006
Yes, I'm sure. Responsibility without power -
78
00:05:58,174 --> 00:06:01,291
the prerogative of the eunuch
throughout the ages.
79
00:06:01,454 --> 00:06:05,003
- Prime Minister.
- Good morning. What were you saying?
80
00:06:05,174 --> 00:06:09,087
Nothing. I understand you're worried
about the local education authority.
81
00:06:09,254 --> 00:06:15,363
- No, the Department of Education and Science.
- Indeed? I think the DES does a splendid job.
82
00:06:15,534 --> 00:06:20,688
Look what's happened to education.
This is a question from a Religious Studies paper.
83
00:06:20,854 --> 00:06:23,812
"Which do you prefer - atom bombs or charity?"
84
00:06:25,734 --> 00:06:27,725
Even maths is politicised.
85
00:06:27,894 --> 00:06:32,046
"If it costs �5 billion a year to maintain
Britain's nuclear defences
86
00:06:32,214 --> 00:06:35,809
"and �75 a year to feed a starving African child,
87
00:06:35,974 --> 00:06:38,772
"how many children
could be saved from starvation
88
00:06:38,934 --> 00:06:42,483
"if the Ministry of Defence
abandoned nuclear weapons?"
89
00:06:44,014 --> 00:06:48,212
That's easy. None. They'd spend it all
on conventional weapons.
90
00:06:48,374 --> 00:06:52,208
In any case, it's just a sum.
Five billion divided by 75.
91
00:06:52,374 --> 00:06:54,888
But children aren't learning to do the sums.
92
00:06:55,054 --> 00:07:01,289
The local education authorities might argue
that they don't need to. They have calculators.
93
00:07:01,454 --> 00:07:06,574
They all need to know HOW it's done. We were
all taught basis arithmetic, weren't we?
94
00:07:06,734 --> 00:07:10,727
Were we? What's 3,947 divided by 73?
95
00:07:10,894 --> 00:07:15,684
Er... Oh, I'd need a pencil and paper to do that.
No, never mind that.
96
00:07:19,734 --> 00:07:23,124
- I could do it when I left school.
- Now you'd use a calculator.
97
00:07:23,294 --> 00:07:27,173
That's not the point. Look at Latin.
Hardly anybody knows that now.
98
00:07:27,894 --> 00:07:30,886
Tempora mutantur, nos et mutamur in illis.
99
00:07:32,374 --> 00:07:33,966
What?
100
00:07:34,974 --> 00:07:38,205
- Times change and we change with the times.
- Precisely.
101
00:07:38,374 --> 00:07:43,129
- Si tacuisses, philosophus manisses.
- What does that mean?
102
00:07:44,294 --> 00:07:48,287
If you'd kept your mouth shut,
we might have thought you were clever.
103
00:07:49,374 --> 00:07:53,731
- I beg your pardon?
- Not you, Prime Minister. That's the translation.
104
00:07:53,894 --> 00:07:57,603
No one would have thought
Sir Humphrey was saying that about you.
105
00:07:57,774 --> 00:07:59,810
Go away, Bernard, please.
106
00:08:01,014 --> 00:08:05,883
I can't believe it. You had a strict academic
upbringing. Are you denying the value of it?
107
00:08:06,054 --> 00:08:11,890
What's the use of it? I can't even call upon it
in conversation with the PM of Great Britain!
108
00:08:12,054 --> 00:08:14,443
Education in this country is a disaster.
109
00:08:14,614 --> 00:08:18,971
We're supposed to prepare children for work.
Most of the time they're bored stiff.
110
00:08:19,134 --> 00:08:23,969
I should've thought that being bored stiff
was an excellent preparation for work.
111
00:08:25,454 --> 00:08:29,242
The school leaving age was raised to 16,
but they're learning less.
112
00:08:29,414 --> 00:08:31,882
We didn't raise it so they'd learn more
113
00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:36,650
but to keep teenagers off the job market
and hold down unemployment figures.
114
00:08:36,814 --> 00:08:39,408
Are you saying there's nothing wrong
with education?
115
00:08:39,574 --> 00:08:43,044
Of course not.
It's a joke. It's always been a joke.
116
00:08:43,214 --> 00:08:47,207
By leaving it in the hands of local councillors,
it will remain a joke.
117
00:08:47,374 --> 00:08:49,365
Half of them are your enemies
118
00:08:49,534 --> 00:08:53,812
and the other half are the sort of friends
that make you prefer your enemies.
119
00:08:53,974 --> 00:08:57,808
- What are you saying?
- That education will never get any better
120
00:08:57,974 --> 00:09:01,444
as long as it's subject to all that tomfoolery
in the town halls.
121
00:09:01,614 --> 00:09:05,004
Imagine what would happen
if you put defence in their hands.
122
00:09:05,174 --> 00:09:07,734
- Defence?
- Give councils �100 million each
123
00:09:07,894 --> 00:09:12,684
and ask them to defend themselves,
we'd have a civil war in three weeks!
124
00:09:13,774 --> 00:09:17,244
- You're being silly.
- Am I? That's what's happened to education.
125
00:09:17,414 --> 00:09:21,965
And why? Because nobody thinks education
is serious the way defence is serious.
126
00:09:22,134 --> 00:09:25,410
So that's why civil defence
is in local authority hands?
127
00:09:25,574 --> 00:09:28,372
Of course. Because everybody knows it's a joke.
128
00:09:28,534 --> 00:09:33,528
You just don't leave important matters
in the hands of those clowns!
129
00:09:33,694 --> 00:09:36,288
And as you've left education to them,
130
00:09:36,454 --> 00:09:40,572
one must assume that, until now,
you have attached little importance to it.
131
00:09:40,734 --> 00:09:44,010
It is important.
It could lose me the next election.
132
00:09:44,174 --> 00:09:45,971
Ah!
133
00:09:46,134 --> 00:09:51,367
In my naivety, I thought you were concerned
about the future of our children.
134
00:09:52,094 --> 00:09:55,689
Yes, that too. After all, they get the vote at 18.
135
00:09:55,854 --> 00:10:01,645
Then, Prime Minister, then centralise.
Take it away from the local councils.
136
00:10:01,814 --> 00:10:03,452
Put it under the Department of Education,
then you could do something about it.
137
00:10:06,614 --> 00:10:10,527
Do you think I could? Grasp the nettle,
take the bull by the horns?
138
00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:14,892
You can't take the bull by the horns
if you're grasping the nettle.
139
00:10:15,054 --> 00:10:16,806
Oh, really, Bernard?
140
00:10:17,574 --> 00:10:22,887
By grasping the nettle with one hand, you could
take the bull by one horn with the other hand,
141
00:10:23,054 --> 00:10:26,046
but not both horns
because your hand isn't big enough.
142
00:10:26,214 --> 00:10:31,004
If you did take the bull by one horn,
it would be rather dangerous because...
143
00:10:33,534 --> 00:10:38,528
Well, it was just a mixed metaphor
and since we were discussing education, I...
144
00:10:38,694 --> 00:10:41,288
- (BUZZER)
- Thank God!
145
00:10:42,294 --> 00:10:45,570
Yes? Your political advisor's outside.
146
00:10:45,734 --> 00:10:48,931
- Send her in, Bernard. Humphrey, thank you.
- Thank you.
147
00:10:49,094 --> 00:10:53,645
- You've given me much food for thought.
- In that case, Prime Minister, bon app�tit.
148
00:10:55,934 --> 00:10:57,652
Dear lady.
149
00:10:58,334 --> 00:11:02,122
- Yes, Dorothy?
- My notes for your tour of the north-west.
150
00:11:02,294 --> 00:11:04,854
Visits to hospitals and factories.
151
00:11:05,014 --> 00:11:08,484
- Drumming up votes in marginal constituencies.
- No!
152
00:11:08,654 --> 00:11:12,249
- Why not?
- I'm coming with you if it's a government tour.
153
00:11:12,414 --> 00:11:16,532
If it's canvassing marginals,
I can't come and the Treasury can't pay.
154
00:11:16,694 --> 00:11:21,688
It's a government visit. It's coincidence
that all the stop-offs are in marginals.
155
00:11:21,854 --> 00:11:24,971
- Well, that's all right, then.
- That's OK.
156
00:11:25,134 --> 00:11:27,853
What can I do about education? Quickly.
157
00:11:28,014 --> 00:11:32,053
- You mean do or appear to do?
- Appear to do. I can't do, obviously.
158
00:11:32,214 --> 00:11:38,005
Well, in the short term, we could get you on TV
associated with something good and successful.
159
00:11:38,174 --> 00:11:41,530
- Is there something?
- I had thought of this for your schedule.
160
00:11:41,694 --> 00:11:46,484
- You could fit it in.
- St Margaret's School Young Enterprise Scheme.
161
00:11:46,654 --> 00:11:52,047
It's set up its own manufacturing company. They
make cheeseboards, paperweights, toast racks,
162
00:11:52,214 --> 00:11:56,002
sell them and track the operation
in their business-study classes.
163
00:11:56,174 --> 00:12:00,452
- They involve local businessmen. Parents help.
- Does it cost a lot?
164
00:12:00,614 --> 00:12:04,971
- No, it makes a profit.
- Isn't it teaching them to be rather grasping?
165
00:12:05,134 --> 00:12:09,332
- No, they give the money to local charity.
- Fine, I'll do it.
166
00:12:09,494 --> 00:12:15,091
Make sure the TV crews have plenty of time
to cover me... er... cover the event properly.
167
00:12:15,254 --> 00:12:20,044
Write me a speech with a snappy,
20-second piece for the news bulletins.
168
00:12:20,214 --> 00:12:23,012
- That should win back a few seats.
- Prime Minister.
169
00:12:23,174 --> 00:12:27,884
Er, give a lead to those responsible
for the nation's education, Bernard.
170
00:12:28,054 --> 00:12:30,249
Of course, Prime Minister.
171
00:12:30,414 --> 00:12:33,804
(NEWSREADER)Finally, the PM visited St Margaret's School
172
00:12:33,974 --> 00:12:35,965
on his north-western tour.
173
00:12:36,134 --> 00:12:39,126
The school has set upa manufacturing business
174
00:12:39,294 --> 00:12:43,731
where the children make a variety of goodsfor sale in the local community.
175
00:12:43,894 --> 00:12:49,014
The children do their own sales and marketingand use the experience they gain
176
00:12:49,174 --> 00:12:53,213
as a basis for their maths and business studies.
177
00:12:53,374 --> 00:12:57,413
The Prime Minister was presentedwith an example of the school's output.
178
00:12:58,654 --> 00:13:01,122
In conclusion, I must congratulate you
179
00:13:01,294 --> 00:13:05,731
on all the hard work, the disciplineand the success of your enterprise.
180
00:13:05,894 --> 00:13:11,366
You've set an example in British educationwhich other schools would do well to follow.
181
00:13:11,534 --> 00:13:17,450
We need more schools like St Margaret'sand I shall always treasure your present.
182
00:13:17,614 --> 00:13:21,402
No Prime Minister ever lost a seatif he could help itl
183
00:13:24,134 --> 00:13:27,524
(NEWSREADER) And that wasthe six o'clock news from the BBC.
184
00:13:30,494 --> 00:13:32,962
- I thought that was OK, didn't you?
- Fine.
185
00:13:33,134 --> 00:13:35,932
- My joke went down well.
- MY joke!
186
00:13:36,934 --> 00:13:42,088
Better than Channel 4 coverage. They didn't
describe it as the PM's tour of the north-west.
187
00:13:42,254 --> 00:13:46,042
They said, "Jim Hacker touring
the marginal constituencies."
188
00:13:46,214 --> 00:13:50,332
- That's true, isn't it?
- But they shouldn't say it. It's biased reporting!
189
00:13:50,494 --> 00:13:54,043
- Reporting the facts?
- Nothing wrong with visiting the marginals.
190
00:13:54,214 --> 00:13:57,968
- What they said was still true.
- It was still biased to say it!
191
00:13:58,134 --> 00:14:02,127
I'm not interested in your paranoia.
I was interested in that school.
192
00:14:02,294 --> 00:14:06,970
- Parents queue up to get their children into it.
- Pity they can't all get in. Coffee?
193
00:14:07,134 --> 00:14:11,173
- Lovely.
- Why can't more parents send children there?
194
00:14:11,334 --> 00:14:14,132
- No room.
- There is. School numbers are falling.
195
00:14:14,294 --> 00:14:17,206
- That'd mean poaching the other schools.
- So what?
196
00:14:17,374 --> 00:14:19,683
The other schools would have to close.
197
00:14:19,854 --> 00:14:22,732
Great! St Margaret's could
take over their buildings.
198
00:14:22,894 --> 00:14:25,727
- Darling, that wouldn't be fair.
- Who to?
199
00:14:25,894 --> 00:14:31,810
- The teachers in the schools that had to close.
- Good ones could teach at the popular schools.
200
00:14:31,974 --> 00:14:35,649
What about the bad teachers?
It wouldn't be fair on them.
201
00:14:35,814 --> 00:14:39,853
What about the children,
or are the bad teachers' jobs more important?
202
00:14:40,014 --> 00:14:44,804
Darling, it's... it's no good. Who's to say
who are the bad teachers? It just wouldn't work.
203
00:14:44,974 --> 00:14:48,364
- Why not?
- Well... it wouldn't work.
204
00:14:48,534 --> 00:14:50,570
- Why not?
- What do you mean?
205
00:14:50,734 --> 00:14:56,684
Suppose schools were like doctors. In the NHS,
you choose which doctor to go to, don't you?
206
00:14:56,854 --> 00:14:59,322
- Yes.
- And he gets paid per patient.
207
00:14:59,774 --> 00:15:04,484
Why don't we do the same with schools?
Have a National Education Service.
208
00:15:04,654 --> 00:15:08,533
Parents could choose the schools
and the schools get paid per pupil.
209
00:15:08,694 --> 00:15:11,333
- Exactly!
- There'd be an outcry.
210
00:15:11,494 --> 00:15:15,203
- From the parents?
- No, from the Department of Education.
211
00:15:15,374 --> 00:15:18,764
- I see. And who has the most votes?
- The DES would block it.
212
00:15:18,934 --> 00:15:21,528
- Fine, get rid of them.
- What?
213
00:15:21,694 --> 00:15:25,289
- Get rid of the Department of Education.
- I don't understand you.
214
00:15:25,454 --> 00:15:29,891
Get rid of it, abolish it, remove it, expunge it,
215
00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:33,649
eliminate it, eradicate it, exterminate it!
216
00:15:33,814 --> 00:15:37,204
- Get rid of it!
- Get rid of it?
217
00:15:37,374 --> 00:15:39,729
- Yes.
- I couldn't do that.
218
00:15:39,894 --> 00:15:43,284
- Why not? What does it do?
- I could do that.
219
00:15:44,534 --> 00:15:46,923
Local government could administer the lot.
220
00:15:47,094 --> 00:15:51,292
We could have a Board of School Inspectors.
The rest could go to Environment.
221
00:15:51,454 --> 00:15:55,242
I could send that house-trained idiot Henry
to the House of Lords.
222
00:15:55,414 --> 00:15:57,974
Golly. I wonder what Humphrey will say.
223
00:15:58,134 --> 00:16:01,331
Whatever he says,
I want to be there when you tell him.
224
00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:05,567
To witness the clash between the political will
and the administrative will?
225
00:16:05,734 --> 00:16:10,205
I think it'll be a clash between the political will
and the administrative won't.
226
00:16:13,894 --> 00:16:17,204
- You sent for me, Prime Minister?
- Humphrey, come in. Sit down.
227
00:16:17,374 --> 00:16:22,732
I want to bounce an idea off you. I've realised
how to reform the educational system.
228
00:16:23,414 --> 00:16:27,123
Excellent, Prime Minister. (CLAPS HIS HANDS)
229
00:16:27,294 --> 00:16:31,731
I'm going to let parents move their children
to any school they want.
230
00:16:32,654 --> 00:16:37,364
You mean after application, scrutiny,
tribunal hearing and appeals procedures?
231
00:16:37,534 --> 00:16:42,324
- No, just move them whenever they want to.
- I'm sorry. I don't quite follow.
232
00:16:42,494 --> 00:16:47,284
This government will let parents decide
which schools to send their children to.
233
00:16:47,454 --> 00:16:50,252
Prime Minister, you can't be serious!
234
00:16:50,414 --> 00:16:52,803
- I am.
- But it's preposterous!
235
00:16:52,974 --> 00:16:56,444
- Why?
- You can't expect parents to make these choices.
236
00:16:56,614 --> 00:17:00,573
How on earth would parents know
which schools are best?
237
00:17:00,734 --> 00:17:04,932
- Which school did you go to, Humphrey?
- Winchester.
238
00:17:05,094 --> 00:17:07,927
- Was it good?
- Oh, excellent, of course.
239
00:17:08,094 --> 00:17:11,484
- Who chose it?
- My parents, naturally.
240
00:17:13,614 --> 00:17:18,324
Now, that's different, Prime Minister.
My parents were discerning people.
241
00:17:18,494 --> 00:17:22,328
You can't expect ordinary people
to know where to send their children.
242
00:17:22,494 --> 00:17:25,645
- Why not?
- Well, how could they tell?
243
00:17:25,814 --> 00:17:29,409
They could tell if their kids
could read, write and do sums
244
00:17:29,574 --> 00:17:31,724
and if the exam results were good.
245
00:17:31,894 --> 00:17:33,930
- Exam results aren't everything.
- True.
246
00:17:34,094 --> 00:17:38,884
Parents who don't want an academic education
for their children can pick progressive schools.
247
00:17:39,054 --> 00:17:43,252
But parents have no qualifications
to make these choices.
248
00:17:43,414 --> 00:17:48,807
Teachers are the professionals. Parents
are the worst people to bring up children.
249
00:17:49,814 --> 00:17:55,013
They've no qualifications, no training.
You don't expect untrained teachers to teach.
250
00:17:55,174 --> 00:17:57,244
The same should apply to parents.
251
00:17:57,414 --> 00:18:01,612
- Before having children, they should be trained?
- No, that's no problem.
252
00:18:01,774 --> 00:18:04,572
They've all been trained to HAVE kids.
253
00:18:04,734 --> 00:18:07,931
Sex-education classes have been standard
for some years.
254
00:18:08,094 --> 00:18:10,085
Perhaps we could do better.
255
00:18:10,254 --> 00:18:15,044
Before people can have children, we should
make them sit exams - written and practical.
256
00:18:15,214 --> 00:18:19,685
Perhaps both. Then they could be issued
with breeding licences.
257
00:18:21,814 --> 00:18:25,204
Oh, very droll, Prime Minister.
258
00:18:25,374 --> 00:18:30,209
No, but I'm being serious. It's looking after
children that parents are not qualified for.
259
00:18:30,374 --> 00:18:34,526
That's why they have no idea
which schools to choose. It couldn't work.
260
00:18:34,694 --> 00:18:39,563
What about the Health Service? People choose
their doctor without medical qualifications.
261
00:18:39,734 --> 00:18:41,929
- Ah, yes, well, that's different.
- How?
262
00:18:42,094 --> 00:18:46,690
Well, doctors are...
The patients aren't parents, dear lady.
263
00:18:46,854 --> 00:18:50,164
Oh, really? What makes you think that, Humpy?
264
00:18:52,414 --> 00:18:55,406
Not as such. In any case, as a matter of fact,
265
00:18:55,574 --> 00:19:00,773
I think letting people choose doctors
is a very bad idea, very messy.
266
00:19:00,934 --> 00:19:05,325
Much tidier to allocate people to GPs, much fairer.
267
00:19:05,494 --> 00:19:10,170
Then everyone has an equal chance
of getting the bad doctors.
268
00:19:10,334 --> 00:19:14,532
- I see.
- In any case, we're talking about education.
269
00:19:14,694 --> 00:19:16,685
With respect, Prime Minister,
270
00:19:16,854 --> 00:19:22,053
I think that the DES will react with some caution
to your rather novel proposals.
271
00:19:22,214 --> 00:19:26,366
- You mean they'll block it.
- They will give it urgent consideration
272
00:19:26,534 --> 00:19:30,527
and insist on a thorough and rigorous examination
of all the proposals
273
00:19:30,694 --> 00:19:34,164
allied to a detailed feasibility study
and budget analysis
274
00:19:34,334 --> 00:19:39,362
before producing a consultative document
for consideration by all interested bodies
275
00:19:39,534 --> 00:19:43,129
and seeking comments and recommendations
to be included in a brief
276
00:19:43,294 --> 00:19:47,367
for a series of working parties
who will produce individual studies
277
00:19:47,534 --> 00:19:51,527
which will provide the background
for a more wide-ranging document
278
00:19:51,694 --> 00:19:57,451
considering whether or not the proposal
should be taken forward to the next stage.
279
00:19:57,614 --> 00:20:00,686
- You mean they'll block it.
- Yeah.
280
00:20:01,654 --> 00:20:03,406
- No problem.
- We thought you'd say that.
281
00:20:03,574 --> 00:20:05,246
- We have a solution.
- Oh, yes?
282
00:20:05,414 --> 00:20:07,166
We'll abolish the DES.
283
00:20:09,774 --> 00:20:12,049
- I'm sorry?
- We'll abolish it.
284
00:20:12,214 --> 00:20:14,364
- Abolish it?
- Why not?
285
00:20:14,534 --> 00:20:16,843
Abolish Education and Science?!
286
00:20:17,014 --> 00:20:22,407
- That'd be the end of civilisation as we know it!
- Only the department. Education will flourish.
287
00:20:22,574 --> 00:20:26,886
- With no government department? Impossible!
- Departments are tombstones.
288
00:20:27,054 --> 00:20:30,251
The Department of Industry
marks the grave of industry,
289
00:20:30,414 --> 00:20:33,212
the Department of Employment,
that of employment,
290
00:20:33,374 --> 00:20:36,571
the Department of Environment,
that of the environment.
291
00:20:36,734 --> 00:20:41,603
And the Department of Education marks where
the corpse of British education is buried.
292
00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:44,242
What does the DES do? What's its role?
293
00:20:44,414 --> 00:20:47,133
I hardly know where to begin!
294
00:20:47,294 --> 00:20:50,252
It lays down guidelines, it centralises
295
00:20:50,414 --> 00:20:55,613
and channels money into education authorities,
University Grants Committee, it sets standards!
296
00:20:55,774 --> 00:20:58,527
- Does it set the curriculum?
- It would like to!
297
00:20:58,694 --> 00:21:02,482
- Select and change head teachers?
- Maintain school buildings?
298
00:21:02,654 --> 00:21:04,292
- No...
- Set exams?
299
00:21:04,454 --> 00:21:07,446
- No...
- Does it choose the children?
300
00:21:07,614 --> 00:21:12,483
- How does it affect what a child does at school?
- It supplies 60% of the cash.
301
00:21:12,654 --> 00:21:16,203
Why can't the cash
go from the Treasury to the schools?
302
00:21:16,374 --> 00:21:19,923
Do we need 2,000 civil servants
to funnel money from A to B?
303
00:21:20,094 --> 00:21:24,053
The DES also creates a legislative framework
for education.
304
00:21:24,214 --> 00:21:29,493
Not much legislation. Environment could do that.
They deal with other local authority matters.
305
00:21:29,654 --> 00:21:31,645
You can't be serious!
306
00:21:31,814 --> 00:21:36,524
Who'd assess forward planning and staffing
variations, variations in pupil populations,
307
00:21:36,694 --> 00:21:39,686
density of schooling required
in urban and rural areas?
308
00:21:39,854 --> 00:21:43,642
- Who'd make sure everything ran properly?
- 2,500 private schools
309
00:21:43,814 --> 00:21:48,012
seem to solve these problems every day
without any help from the DES.
310
00:21:48,174 --> 00:21:50,768
They respond to changing circumstances.
311
00:21:50,934 --> 00:21:54,324
- Supply and demand. It's easy.
- Who would plan for the future?
312
00:21:54,494 --> 00:21:57,486
Education today is what the department planned?
313
00:21:57,654 --> 00:22:00,407
Well, of... No, of course not!
314
00:22:00,574 --> 00:22:04,567
- Is there anything else that the DES does?
- Well, it... it...
315
00:22:05,614 --> 00:22:09,209
Well, we don't need it, then, do we? QED.
316
00:22:10,534 --> 00:22:12,729
Quod erat demonstrandum.
317
00:22:15,894 --> 00:22:18,362
I really... Quite unthinkable.
318
00:22:18,534 --> 00:22:24,052
Once they start abolishing whole departments,
the very foundations of civilisation crumble.
319
00:22:24,214 --> 00:22:28,924
- Barbarians at the gates.
- The return of the Dark Ages.
320
00:22:29,094 --> 00:22:32,882
Did anything like this crop up
when you were Cabinet Secretary?
321
00:22:33,054 --> 00:22:38,287
No. We let them amalgamate departments,
but that worked very well.
322
00:22:38,454 --> 00:22:41,048
Yes, quite. You keep the existing staff
323
00:22:41,214 --> 00:22:45,412
and you put in an extra layer
of coordinating management at the top.
324
00:22:45,574 --> 00:22:51,683
Exactly. But you have to stop the liquidation
of the Department of Education, Humphrey.
325
00:22:51,854 --> 00:22:55,051
Have you tried discrediting
the person who proposed it?
326
00:22:55,214 --> 00:22:59,651
No point. It was the Wainwright female,
so he's passing it off as his own idea.
327
00:22:59,814 --> 00:23:05,252
- Discrediting the facts behind it?
- It's a political idea, so facts don't come into it.
328
00:23:07,534 --> 00:23:11,129
- Massaging the figures?
- No figures are involved.
329
00:23:11,294 --> 00:23:15,128
But it's hard to get the Prime Minister
to see that it's a bad idea.
330
00:23:15,294 --> 00:23:19,890
Of course. It's actually a very good idea.
It just mustn't happen.
331
00:23:20,894 --> 00:23:26,048
I wonder if we oughtn't to play along with it -
in the interests of the nation's children.
332
00:23:26,214 --> 00:23:30,685
Never mind the nation's children.
What about our colleagues at the DES?
333
00:23:30,854 --> 00:23:33,573
- Of course. Sorry.
- Let's be clear about this.
334
00:23:33,734 --> 00:23:37,443
The only people who'll like this idea
are the parents and the children.
335
00:23:37,614 --> 00:23:40,811
Everyone who counts will be against it.
336
00:23:40,974 --> 00:23:43,329
- Teachers' unions.
- Local authorities.
337
00:23:43,494 --> 00:23:47,533
- Educational press.
- And, of course, the DES.
338
00:23:47,694 --> 00:23:53,326
- So what's the strategy?
- Unions can be counted on to disrupt the schools.
339
00:23:53,494 --> 00:23:57,009
And go on TV saying
the government are causing the disruption.
340
00:23:57,174 --> 00:24:03,249
Good. Local councils will threaten to turn
the constituency parties against the government.
341
00:24:03,414 --> 00:24:07,407
The Department of Education will delay
every stage of the process
342
00:24:07,574 --> 00:24:10,771
and leak anything
that embarrasses the government.
343
00:24:10,934 --> 00:24:14,324
We can help with that
at the Campaign for Freedom of Information.
344
00:24:14,494 --> 00:24:16,246
Thank you, Arnold.
345
00:24:17,294 --> 00:24:19,091
Ah, thanks.
346
00:24:21,134 --> 00:24:25,685
But what are we actually... Thank you, Billy.
What's our argument?
347
00:24:26,334 --> 00:24:31,362
Well, obviously, that this new proposal
will destroy our educational system.
348
00:24:31,534 --> 00:24:35,732
- Everybody knows it's destroyed already.
- Well, we will say...
349
00:24:35,894 --> 00:24:41,491
Sorry, the press will say that it's government
interference in the DES that destroyed it
350
00:24:41,654 --> 00:24:44,327
and that this new plan will make things worse.
351
00:24:44,494 --> 00:24:48,328
- Will that do the trick?
- It always has in the past.
352
00:24:48,494 --> 00:24:55,013
- But this time the political pressure is stronger.
- You must find a political weapon to fight it with.
353
00:24:56,414 --> 00:24:59,770
What political weapon
did you have in mind, Arnold?
354
00:25:00,334 --> 00:25:03,531
I? That is your concern, Humphrey.
355
00:25:03,894 --> 00:25:09,526
Your chance to prove yourself worthy
of the high office to which you've been called.
356
00:25:15,774 --> 00:25:18,413
- The PM's ready to see you.
- What's it about?
357
00:25:18,574 --> 00:25:22,965
- The abolition of the DES, I'm afraid.
- This is going to be bloody.
358
00:25:23,134 --> 00:25:26,729
- There's a minor matter I need your advice...
- Is it important?
359
00:25:26,894 --> 00:25:29,283
- Not important but urgent.
- What is it?
360
00:25:29,454 --> 00:25:34,050
You know that enterprise school the PM visited,
when they gave him that stool?
361
00:25:34,214 --> 00:25:38,253
It's just come to light that the wood
they were using was stolen.
362
00:25:38,414 --> 00:25:40,405
Bernard, this is hardly...
363
00:25:43,334 --> 00:25:45,131
Stolen?
364
00:25:45,294 --> 00:25:50,129
Yes, it was government property
stolen from a YTS workshop last year.
365
00:25:51,094 --> 00:25:53,085
How shocking.
366
00:25:54,334 --> 00:25:57,929
It was referred to the DES,
as the theft came to light at a school.
367
00:25:58,094 --> 00:26:01,245
They don't know whether to prosecute.
Sorry to bother...
368
00:26:01,414 --> 00:26:03,803
Don't mention it, Bernard.
369
00:26:06,534 --> 00:26:08,525
Show me in.
370
00:26:10,694 --> 00:26:13,891
Come in, Humphrey. Come in, come in! Sit down.
371
00:26:14,054 --> 00:26:17,933
Only one item on the agenda today -
the abolition of the DES.
372
00:26:18,094 --> 00:26:23,043
Actually, if there's only one item, it's an agenDUM.
373
00:26:23,214 --> 00:26:27,685
I don't think the Prime Minister's
got as far as the second declension.
374
00:26:27,854 --> 00:26:33,292
I don't mind your scoring cheap debating points
since you've already lost the battle of the DES.
375
00:26:33,454 --> 00:26:37,732
- The DES will be very upset.
- Does it matter since they'll cease to exist?
376
00:26:37,894 --> 00:26:41,284
The process will take a few years.
They'll fight tooth and nail.
377
00:26:41,454 --> 00:26:44,651
- What can they do to me?
- They're a formidable department.
378
00:26:44,814 --> 00:26:48,124
- I am a formidable Prime Minister.
- Indeed you are.
379
00:26:48,294 --> 00:26:51,092
But you might still need their cooperation.
380
00:26:51,254 --> 00:26:55,964
Cooperation? From the Department of Education?
Don't make me laugh!
381
00:26:56,814 --> 00:27:00,807
Fine, fine. I'll tell them to go ahead
with the prosecution, then.
382
00:27:02,054 --> 00:27:06,093
- What prosecution?
- Oh, it's hardly worth bothering you with.
383
00:27:06,254 --> 00:27:09,485
That enterprise school
where you were televised last week.
384
00:27:09,654 --> 00:27:13,647
- Yes?
- The profits... A model for other schools...
385
00:27:13,814 --> 00:27:15,805
Yes, yes, go on.
386
00:27:15,974 --> 00:27:21,253
- The profits were the proceeds of theft.
- Theft? What do you mean, theft?
387
00:27:22,094 --> 00:27:27,043
I mean removing goods without the knowledge
or consent of the owner with the intent of...
388
00:27:27,214 --> 00:27:30,206
I know what theft means. What do YOU mean?
389
00:27:30,374 --> 00:27:32,842
Well, the stool that they gave you
390
00:27:33,014 --> 00:27:36,723
was made from wood appropriated
from the local YTS workshops.
391
00:27:36,894 --> 00:27:40,284
- What do you mean?
- It was nicked.
392
00:27:40,454 --> 00:27:42,684
By two of last year's pupils.
393
00:27:42,854 --> 00:27:45,812
- A pair of nickers.
- Thank you, Bernard.
394
00:27:46,814 --> 00:27:49,123
The YTS want to prosecute.
395
00:27:49,294 --> 00:27:53,572
Now, the Department of Education
could stop them.
396
00:27:53,734 --> 00:27:56,771
You know, return the wood and hush it up.
397
00:27:56,934 --> 00:28:00,483
Millions saw me on TV saying
that school was an example!
398
00:28:00,654 --> 00:28:03,214
Well, it is a sort of example.
399
00:28:03,374 --> 00:28:05,126
They mustn't prosecute!
400
00:28:05,294 --> 00:28:10,732
I hope the Department of Education won't leak
the fact that you're covering up for crooks.
401
00:28:10,894 --> 00:28:14,887
- You must tell them not to prosecute.
- That would need their cooperation.
402
00:28:16,294 --> 00:28:20,446
I can just see the newspapers -
"Jim's enterprising crooks.
403
00:28:20,614 --> 00:28:26,246
"The Prime Minister has sat on the fence
for so long that now he's become one."
404
00:28:28,374 --> 00:28:30,763
Persuade them not to prosecute.
405
00:28:30,934 --> 00:28:36,645
It's very difficult to persuade people to cooperate
if they are actually under a death sentence.
406
00:28:36,814 --> 00:28:40,090
- Death sentence?
- If you're abolishing the department.
407
00:28:40,694 --> 00:28:42,173
Oh!
408
00:28:42,334 --> 00:28:44,131
Oh, that!
409
00:28:44,894 --> 00:28:48,204
No, that was just... a vague idea...
410
00:28:50,414 --> 00:28:52,405
...of Dorothy's.
411
00:28:53,614 --> 00:28:55,809
An idle thought. Nothing serious.
412
00:28:55,974 --> 00:28:57,805
- You're sure?
- Positive.
413
00:28:57,974 --> 00:29:02,764
Splendid, Prime Minister.
Shall we now continue with the agendum?
414
00:29:02,934 --> 00:29:06,324
Agendum? Oh, yes!
415
00:29:06,494 --> 00:29:08,325
We have no agendum.
416
00:29:08,494 --> 00:29:11,691
(RHYTHMICALLY) We have no agendum today!
417
00:29:14,214 --> 00:29:17,251
Business concluded. All right, Humphrey?
418
00:29:18,014 --> 00:29:20,005
Yes, Prime Minister.
41064
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