Original subtitles

[

]

What did I miss?

Aunt May, I can't believe you don't have it on.

They discover alien life, and you're not watching?

Oh, Peter, aliens are bug-eyed monsters who say,

"Take me to your leader."

This is a mud stain on the space shuttle.

Not mud. Organic mud.

Living mud.

From outer space.

NASA's not releasing images,

but if we zoom in on this shot of the shuttle--

Right there. On the hull.

That dark patch is extraterrestrial life.

Primitive, obviously, but organic.

Earlier today the alien life form was flown

to Empire State University, where it will be studied

by the country's top bio-geneticist,

Dr. Curtis Connors.

Yes! An in.

I hope.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

Hello? Ha-ha. That's right, bro.

The ooze has landed,

and, uh, Dr. C is back in the game.

He's been kinda lost since, you know, the Lizard thing.

Discontinued most of our research,

but we're back in business again.

I-I have to see it. Can you hook me up?

No go, bro. Dr. Martha has spoken.

No visitors, no reporters,

and for sure no photographers

she already knows she can't trust.

As usual, Peter Parker's out of luck.

But maybe Spider-Man's not.

After all, Spidey's got a zoom lens,

and the lab has a skylight.

And now a peek at our strange visitor.

And our strange visitor's visitor.

[

]

[

]

Livin' on the edge Fighting crime, spinning webs

Swinging from The highest ledge

He can leap above our heads

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

Ah, ah, ah Ah, ah, ah

Villains on the rise And the city's victimized

Looking up with no surprise Arriving in the speed of time

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah

Ah, ah, ah Ah, ah, ah

Spectacular Spectacular Spider-Man

Spectacular Spectacular Spider-Man

Spectacular

Spectacular Spectacular Spider-Man

Spectacular Spectacular Spider-Man

[

]

A school locker has better security.

Perfect.

I stop a crime in progress,

get pictures for the Bugle of me and a hot cat burglar,

and slap my peepers on the ooze.

Hat trick.

[BEEPING]

Come to kitty.

Gee, never thought I'd be rescuing the icky alien

from the beautiful damsel.

Well, I do believe it's Spider-Man.

Easy, cat lady.

I don't want a fight.

Name's Black Cat.

And cats don't fight spiders.

[GRUNTS]

We just bat 'em around.

[

]

[ALARM RINGING]

Whoa!

Oh, you better not get your goop in my hair.

Don't worry. It comes off with ice or peanut butter.

Lovely. You've got a sweet little skill-set, there, Spidey.

You want in on this gig?

We could split the take.

Gig? Take?

These words are strange to me.

A certain captain of industry

offered an indecent amount of cash

to steal that slime. Said something about

"unlimited scientific potential."

Are you sure he was a full captain of industry?

And not some industrial cadet showing off for the girls?

[CHUCKLES]

I know when a man's showing off.

So what do you say, hot stuff?

Want a slice of the mud pie?

Uh, it is tempting,

but then I'd have to turn in my superhero discount card.

Mm, too bad. I like us together.

SPIDER-MAN: But we only just met.

And I'm not that kind of spider.

Give a cat a chance

and she'll make you that kind of spider.

SPIDER-MAN: Ha-ha. Stop, I'm blushing.

What in the--?

Dr. Connors.

[GRUNTS]

Two's company. Three's a corroborating witness.

The life form. Where is it?

Black Cat.

She must have tak-- But how? When?

Call the cops. I'll go after her.

[GROANS]

So much for this gig.

Bad kitty. [SIRENS WAILING]

Maybe I can still find her.

Aw, heck. I never even got a good look at the gunk.

[

]

MAN: Read all about it!

Spider-Thief and accomplice steal E.T.!

And Spider-Man's come in through the skylight before?

Yes, but never to steal anything.

I actually thought Spidey was a hero.

And I actually thought Pete was a human being,

but he was here last night taking pictures

and couldn't even be bothered to call the police.

But-- Don't bother, Gwen.

Bro had his second chance.

I'm done.

[PHONES RINGING]

Boss, I'd like a word.

How about "scram"?

Or two words: "scram, kid."

Or 17: "Get out of my office in 2.3 seconds,

or I'll staple you to a flagpole."

How did you count so--? Uh, never mind.

I can't believe you're printing flat-out lies.

Lies?

You callow, insubordinate pup.

The Bugle only prints facts.

And whatever it takes to connect the facts together.

Yeah, but I was there,

uh, taking pictures from the roof.

Spidey was trying to stop Black Cat

from stealing the ooze.

She got away, but they didn't leave together.

Looked that way to an amateur like you,

but it's standard crook behavior.

They met up later to divide the spoils.

Ask Dr. Connors. He was there.

Last night?

Read the article, kid.

Connors didn't discover the theft

till early this morning.

What?

PETER: Why would Dr. Connors lie?

[CHUCKLES]

Spider-Man must be quite confused right about now.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Hello, general.

No, regretfully, I have no alien to deliver.

A known competitor

beat my team to the lab by mere minutes.

Of course.

Your down payment will be refunded.

Goodbye.

So no paycheck?

No paycheck,

but this story in the Bugle,

it's sparked an epiphany.

Mason, I'll need all your mechanical ability.

And Beck, your special effects expertise.

Yeah, so what else is new?

Which captain of industry or high-ranking politico

you posing as this time, Chameleon?

This time I have someone a little different in mind.

[

]

SPIDER-MAN: Black Cat must have taken the muck.

Okay, so there's no proof in any of my pictures,

but I know I didn't take it.

And what's with Dr. C?

Spidey saved him

from a permanent case of lizard breath.

I mean, how could he betray the old web-head that way?

And how am I ever gonna clear

my friendly neighborhood name?

[

]

[

]

And the crazy thing? They think I stole the alien.

I never even got a good look at it.

Ooh, that's a good look for you.

And I'm flattered, truly.

See, I knew we made a connection.

You. You're the real...thief.

Heh-heh. Because I stole your heart?

Heard it before, swinger.

What the heck?

I've been looking for you. I know I don't like being blamed

for crimes I didn't commit,

or any crimes, really. Bad for business.

So the frame-up must really annoy

an ex-primary color guy like you.

Huh? Uh, yeah. Ye--

You didn't steal the ooze, did you?

Oh. You know I didn't, short, dark, and handsome.

You were there.

So unless you took it...

I-I didn't take it.

Calm down. I didn't think so.

But if you're fed up enough with the thankless hero thing

to match your image to mine,

then I have to ask:

Are we going to be bad guys together, partner?

Or just plain bad?

Oh. Was it something I said?

Guess I found the ooze.

Or it found me.

Face it, Spidey,

alien life has permanently bonded itself to your suit.

Best case, you're in for one monster of a dry cleaning bill.

Whoa!

[CROWD SHOUTING]

Perfect, now I'm flying a glider.

Gotta ditch in Central Park.

No. Eddie and I lost our parents in a plane just like that.

Whoa. Can't believe I made that leap.

I hope I'm strong enough for this.

[GRUNTS]

[

]

[GRUNTS]

Trouble is, I'm not close enough to a building

for my web to carry.

Still. Nothing to lose.

Oh, slick!

Did I do that,

or the ooze actually upgrade my spider-ness?

[

]

MAN 1: Look out! MAN 2: Run!

SPIDER-MAN: If I can use the ooze

to help more people as Spider-Man,

and not incidentally earn

a bit more photo money as Peter Parker,

then maybe it's okay that I sort of unintentionally

stole the slime from the Connors' lab.

And maybe it's better for everyone

if I don't return it.

Course, that's not really my call.

SPIDER-MAN: But obviously it was the right call.

[

]

Yeah, I could get used to this.

Hey, Aunt May.

[GROANS]

Aunt May, what's wrong?

Oh, Peter. I-I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to frighten you.

It was just the heat from the stove.

And I am a little tired.

I'm not surprised.

You've been cooking nonstop.

There's enough food here to feed the Rhino.

Uh, I-I'm testing recipes.

We can give the extra to the food drive.

Come on, let's get you to bed.

[

]

[HORNS HONK]

Spider-Man just robbed the bank!

FLASH: Cut it out!

Ah, what's the matter, Fwashie? Does the twufe hurt?

[ALL LAUGHING]

It's not the twufe! I mean, it's not true.

Hey, if it's Make-Fun-of-Flash Day, how can I help?

Little Fwashie's mad because his hero

turned out to be a big crook. I told you:

The guy in the pictures ain't the real Spidey.

Any guy can put on a costume.

Puny Parker wore one last week.

SALLY: Can Puny Parker stick to walls and sling webs?

Face it, Flash.

The Bugle has undeniable photographic evidence.

Forget the Bugle!

There's no way I'm ever gonna believe

Spider-Man's turned to crime.

Then you're the only one!

[LAUGHS]

CHAMELEON [AS SPIDER-MAN]: No sudden moves, friends.

Your friendly neighborhood web-shooter's in a frisky mood.

Behind you.

My insect early-warning system's tingling.

[GRUNTING]

[SHUTTER CLICKING]

Fill 'er up.

[

]

JAMESON: Wonderful. Ha, perfect! Tomorrow's front page.

Uh, Mr. Jameson, these pictures--

Too late, Parker.

Got all the pictures I could ask for.

Best of all, Joe Anonymous is letting me have 'em for free.

As I predicted, the web-head's turned out

to be just another thug in a mask.

Soon he'll be caught, jailed, and run out of town.

How can he be jailed and run out of town?

I'm giddy as a schoolgirl.

[

]

Never thought I'd be on the lookout for, well, me.

BLACK CAT: Hey, crime spree.

Was hoping you'd swing this way again.

Cat.

Listen, I'm innocent.

Obviously.

Doesn't that imposter know black is the new red and blue?

Yeah, I'd turn him black and blue,

if I could find him.

Well, as it happens...

[

]

[CROWD CHATTERING]

How can you be so sure he'll hit here?

I think like a thief.

A boat full of overdressed fat cats

is a can't-miss proposition.

Wait.

Ooh, Mayor Waters is wearing the Stuyvesant Tiger.

I want it.

Cat, no door prizes.

Try focusing on how we get aboard.

Please, I'm a professional.

I come prepared.

Hello, so glad you could make it.

I'm wearing a fortune in borrowed jewels, captain.

Let's get this boat moving

before a certain arachnid decides to crash my party.

I still don't buy it, Your Honor.

I've seen Spider-Man in action.

I can't believe he's turned to crime.

Believe it, Stacy.

The Bugle's been saying for weeks

the web-head's a fraud.

Now that I'm proven right,

I assume you've taken the proper precautions.

STACY: Don't worry, Jonah.

My officers are all on alert for Spider-Man.

Besides, if he was coming, he's too late now.

[

]

[CROWD CHATTERING]

Hors d'oeuvres, Your Honor?

Norman.

Wonderful of you to come.

Are you happy to see me or my contribution?

And if my answer is both?

Then I'm investing in an honest politician.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

[

]

Demitasse, sergeant?

SPIDER-MAN: Sweet ride.

Haven't you heard?

Crime pays.

I'm not listening.

La, la, la, la La, la, la

Ha-ha. Almost there.

Hold on tight.

Don't worry, I don't slip.

Not why I said that.

Uh, we're-- We're close enough.

Mm.

My kitty sense is purring.

[MAN SNORING]

SPIDER-MAN: Guess Cat was right.

WATERS: And so I raise my glass

to thank you for all your support.

And, after the election,

your city will thank you too.

[CROWD GASPS]

As will your friendly neighborhood Spider-Thief.

Ha, I knew it.

[CROWD GASPS]

CHAMELEON: Fill 'em up, folks.

Take him.

[GRUNTS]

[SNORING]

[

]

Your Honor, if you hold that Tiger too tight, I bite.

He's too tall.

This guy's a fraud.

Spider-Man is not a fraud.

Can't believe I just said that.

Behind you.

[GRUNTS]

That's spider-strength, people.

Think I can fake that?

Actually, I do.

And who are you supposed to be?

Spider-Man.

The real one.

The real one?

You don't even have the costume right.

I'm in mourning for my buried rep.

[GRUNTS]

Just like pickle-puss will be

when he's forced to print a retraction.

Retraction? Listen, web-head,

nobody tells J. Jonah--

See? Even the jolly one himself

knows I'm the genuine article.

[

]

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

Now that's spider-strength.

Accept no substitutes.

Demitasse, Spider-Man?

[CROWD COUGHING]

WATERS: They took the Tiger!

We need to go.

BECK: Incoming.

[

]

[BOTH GASP]

We'll let them settle this

Spider-Man to Spider-Man.

[PUNCHES THUD]

Thanks, Cat, I owe you one.

At least.

[BOAT ENGINE STARTS]

Whoa!

Wow, the new onesie.

I can feel it balancing me.

Compensating for the boat, the water, everything.

[

]

[WHIRRING]

How about a taste of spider-punch?

Please tell me I don't sound like that.

Or at least that I offer a higher quality quip.

[GROANS]

[GRUNTS]

Aah!

The one and only.

Got it.

My hero.

You heard me: A retraction.

[WHISPERS] But on page 42,

in 4-point font.

[POLICE RADIO CHATTERING]

I'm satisfied you're innocent, Spider-Man.

We'll find out

what Chameleon did with the E.T.

Actually, I sort of--

SPIDER-MAN: What are you doing?

You tell the truth, and they'll take the suit away.

And you need its power to...help people.

I sort of figured you'd say that.

Then I'll say this too:

As long as you wear a mask,

some folks will always wonder.

Night, captain.

WATERS: Captain Stacy!

The Tiger. It's not here!

All right, Chameleon, where's--

[MUFFLED GRUNTS]

[

]

We made a pretty good team.

Maybe you should change sides.

Okay, then why did you help me?

You really don't know?

Mm.

[GASPS]

[SIGHS]

Wow, Cat, I--

I had no idea you...

...felt that way.

Uh, Cat?

Here, kitty, kitty, kitty.

[GROANS]

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