All language subtitles for House Husbands s03e01.eng

(DOG BARKING)

- Should we bring Schnapps?
- He's not that kind of dog.

Well, if he reckons
there's going to be trouble.

I said there's a chance
there could be trouble.

Well, he's not a guard dog.

He doesn't like conflict.

Will you just tell us
what's happening here?

I'm going in.

You blokes backing me up, or what?

Run, run, run!

(YELLING)

- Get in the car!
- Run, run, run, run! Go!

Let's go.

Go! Go!

Open the door!

- Open the door! Let him in!
- I can't!

The child lock! The child lock!

Alright. Come on!

- Donkey Woowoo! Donkey Woowoo!
- What?!

They're coming. They're
coming. Let's go!

Let's go!

Who are you?

Jem, eat your toast.

Ah! Here comes Donkey Woowoo.

- I want plaits.
- I don't do plaits.

Now, what are we gonna get Mark
and Abi for the naming ceremony?

Well, if it's not a real christening,
the baby doesn't need a real present.

- Hmm, well, that's friendly.
- Yeah, you're her guide parent, Dad.

- Her what?
- It's just like godparents.

- You're very important, Mr Crabb.
- I'm not anybody's guide parents.

What a stupid word.

Ah, it's two words, Mr Crabb.

And they can't give
their child that name.

I like it.

You're just saying that to be nice.

- You should try it some time.
- I need money for the orangutans.

It says here Year 2 students
need a gold coin donation.

What's an orangutan going
to do with a gold coin?

Ignore him. He's just grumpy
because business is slow.

- My business is doing just fine.
- Bye, Dad.

I still reckon you're rushing
into this. Moving in's a big step.

- You want to be sure.
- 12 months.

Long enough to be sure, isn't it?

Don't want to be late, Mrs Crabb.

Ryan, call me Gemma, remember?

- Bye, Lewis.
- Still Mr Crabb, for me.

Right. Give us a look.

- Ta-da!
- Perfect.

Good day.

Grade 2.

They're growing up.

Hey, check out the new
parents. Remember that? Day one.

Amateurs.

Big day.

Abi's gone back to work.

Have you told her yet?

- Not yet.
- Mate, you can't call that child Mildred.

Alright, OK, I get it.

I... I'm just trying to
figure out how to tell her.

Yeah. I mean, you've
only had six months.

How about, "I hate our child's name?"

- Subtle.
- The naming ceremony's in two days.

It's a bit late for subtle.

Alright, I will do it tonight!

I'm just... launching my company today.

Very high-risk venture,
going out on your own.

I'm going glocal. You know, I'd
appreciate a little bit of support.

Oh, g'day. Can I get two
chicken and a lamb, thanks?

Yeah, no probs.

Dad, I need one gold coin.

OK. Can you believe this?

I mean, I'm all for supporting the
orangutans, but asking for donations

on the very first day
of school is ridiculous.

Hey, Miss Luby!

Hi! Oh, we were just
discussing how wonderful it is

to be supporting the orangutans.

Every teacher gets to choose
a charity, and this was mine.

Oh, great choice.

You've requested that they
all be in the same class again.

- We want to be together.
- He means the kids.

I'm taking them this year.

- Wow! Awesome. That's... fantastic.
- Great.

Lewis, that work you did on the
science lab, it's not up to scratch.

- I'm sorry?
- We asked for red doors.

Yeah, but there was some
green paint left over.

Pro-bono is not an
excuse for sub-standard.

Ah... pro what?

We'll fix it.

- Did we... do that for free?
- You volunteered.

Oh, no, we didn't.

Apple pie?

- For the staff, to show our appreciation.
- Thank you.

Oh, nice. OK.

First day back. How's
the baby brain going?

I have got 'Twinkle, Twinkle
Little Star' permanently in my head,

and I keep rocking the supply trolley.

- What did I miss?
- Hi, Mrs... Gemma.

Dr Albert.

There's Ryan. Oh, and the new system.

We have to get all the
patients through the ED

in a four-hour time frame.

Ugh, more bureaucratic
nonsense from upstairs.

Don't worry, I'll do what I always
do: nod my head, smile and ignore.

I'm implementing the new system.

Oops.

If I can get everybody through
and we hit our target...

- Wait, that's the super, yeah?
- Mike? No, Mitch. No.

Oh, baby brain.

- I know it starts with an 'M'.
- Oh, Jerry.

- Jerry! Good to see you.
- Gemma.

- Abigail. Back from maternity leave?
- Yeah. Not that it was really leave.

I was working a lot, keeping
up, medical journals galore.

Good.

Uh, Gemma tells me a new
consultancy position's coming up.

You wouldn't be interested.

You're not the last
one back to have a baby.

Yeah, but the baby's
had, done. No more babies.

Plus, she's older now,
virtually self-sufficient.

- How old?
- Six months.

But even though I'm only just back,
it's really easy to compartmentalise

the whole mother-doctor thing.
It's like, baby... what baby?

I'm so focused I'll
probably forget to go home.

- She's joking, Jerry, she's kidding.
- So, that position.

- It's got my name on it, right?
- It's good to know you're interested.

He's written me off as a mum!

I'm trying to prove I'm serious.

- Abi, sweetheart.
- What?

- Leaking.
- Oh.

Abi has expressed milk
into bottles for every feed.

And it's OK if she goes down
to the park to play with Jem.

And, uh, her big sleep, that
has to be in the cot, OK?

Because Abi very much
believes in routine.

She's left a couple of,
um, friendly reminders.

- Ah, just a couple?
- Yeah.

- OK, well... I'm off to work.
- See ya.

- One more thing.
- (PHONE RINGS)

Oh, excuse me. Nick!

How are you? Yes. All set up.
It's very boutique, very excited.

Yeah. Make your mark.
Little play on words.

You're not... you're not coming across?

Oh, OK. Um, no, no,
no. No, no problem. Bye.

Dumped?

Tough.

Phoebe, look, I think
that's it's important

that we have a line between work...

Do you think I can call her Millie?

It's better than
Mildred, don't you think?

Look, I'm not much of a fan of the
name Mildred either. But Sophie...

We were very excited about Sophie,

but then when Abi had the baby

and the doctor put the baby on her,

tears of joy, and Abi said...

"To my mother." It was, um,
it was Abi's mother's name.

Her mother's passed away.

- She was very close to her.
- Oh.

So, you know, what am I meant to do?

Um, isn't that what
middle names are for?

Is everything OK? They've only
been back at school a few hours.

- Have a seat.
- Is it Stella? Is she behind?

- I meant to do more revision during the holidays.
- It's you.

I lost a crown at morning tea today.

- Oh, that's bad luck.
- I broke my tooth on your apple pie.

There was a gold coin in it.

I have no idea how that got there.

I heard you making rude remarks

about my orangutan
initiative this morning.

No, I love orangutans.

You share their DNA.
Well, not you personally.

We all do. Humans.

Stella told me

that you had complained about
making gold coin donations.

Only on the first day.

It was a very stressful morning.

And Tom's training overseas.
I had a lot to juggle.

So, you were making a point by
putting a gold coin in my pie.

No! It was a gift.

The pie was a gift.

Next time you give me a gift,
try not to make it lethal.

If it was a day's work, I
would've happily done it for free.

But we spent a week here!

Fixing the roof, re-laying carpet.

Painting doors, twice.

It was for the school,
mate. I couldn't charge them.

Yeah, well... we can't afford it.

It's ended up costing us the materials.

Anyway, you paid me for this work.

You transferred the money.
Are you padding my pay?

- No.
- Well, what was the payment for?

I knew you'd have a
problem with pro-bono work.

You just can't admit

your stupid handyman idea
isn't working out, can you?

We're making money!

Yeah, well, not enough.
Got three kids, Lewis.

Lucy's moving in. She'll help out.

Yeah, I can't make your
daughter support my family.

- Kane.
- I need a drink.

Just wanted to start the
year like a normal parent.

Now we're the family that
tried to kill Ms Luby.

Not necessarily a negative.

It's not funny.

I can't keep running the business
from home. There's no room.

No wonder gold coins end up in pies.

- At least you have business.
- We have a business.

It's still growing, that's all.

I'm shrinking.

Two of my big clients from
Data Draft said they'd...

come over if I went out on my own.

They reneged today.

I've gotta rebrand.

- More drinks, guys?
- No, thanks.

- We've gotta get going.
- We don't normally drink during the day.

- Never.
- Suit yourselves.

Drinks are half price, that's all.

- All of them?
- Yeah.

- Getting rid of stock. I'm selling, so...
- Why?

Can't get the clientele. It
used to be packed every night.

Now it's just new families
moving in, you know.

Everyone's got two kids,
a dog and a mortgage.

Everyone goes to bed by 7:30.

Four whiskies. Straight.

- What about school pick-up?
- He's got a nanny.

Yeah, I dropped Ange off, too.
That's a lot of kids for Phoebe.

She'll cope. She's my daughter.

Maybe just one more.

What are you doing in my trundle bed?

Oh!

Oh... oh.

Bleeding.

Mmm.

You've got an earring in your eyebrow.

Oh, wow! Oh.

What happened to you guys last night?

I think we accidentally bought a pub.

Yay!

Uh, Stel, no sudden movements.
Daddy's got a headache.

Why didn't you stop me?

You kept saying you needed rebranding.

Can we just focus on
the real problem here?

We bought a pub.

Can't we just un-buy it?

We signed a contract, remember?

- Not really.
- Vaguely.

- And paid a deposit.
- With my money.

Hey, what if we don't un-buy it?

Last night, that pub was the
solution to all our problems.

- Yeah. So was an eyebrow ring.
- Yeah, profitable business.

Chance for you to run your own
commercial kitchen, away from home.

Look, it's the business we
bought, not the building.

The lease is reasonable.

Split four ways, we can do it.

Come on, how good could this be?

Four mates running a pub.

It's the ultimate man dream.

Is that your pitch,

'cos that's just not gonna cut it
with the people we need to convince.

Can you just listen
to what we have to say?

If last night's any indication,

is you lot owning a
pub such a great idea?

We're going to be on the
other side of the bar.

That's supposed to make us feel better?

More wine, ladies?

Have you been told to
keep our glasses full?

Yep. Look, what...

what happened last night, that
will never happen again, OK?

We were just drowning our sorrows.

Owning a pub, we won't have any sorrows.

Until it all goes pear-shaped.

Look, I know pubs. I've
worked in them for years.

And I'll be running the kitchen.

Nepean South love my
food, that's proven.

Lewis will be business head.

What are you going to do?

Marketing.

I'll... I'll be re-positioning the
brand and finding us a new clientele.

- No-one goes to this pub.
- That didn't put you off?

Well, no. It just means that
we got it for a good price.

We aren't going to stop this, are we?

It'd be a shame to lose the deposit.

Who goes licensee?

You can't have a criminal
record and go licensee.

I'm out.

Kane's the man. He's in
charge of the restaurant.

I can't. I've got form.

- Tony Owens.
- Who?

His first love, 1999.

Stood me up on New Year's Eve.

I saw in the birth of the new
millennium alone, with a sparkler.

So I broke into his bike shop
and punctured all his tyres.

Although 12 weeks' community
service kind of sucked.

- Right-o. Lewis, you're up, then.
- I vote Mark.

- Mark's already got a lot on his plate.
- Yeah...

What... what she said.

Since when have you
said no to power, Dad?

- Mmm.
- I don't want to take on too much.

Anyway, we can sort this out later.

You need a licensee.

- Well, if you can't agree on this...
- He'll do it.

Of course he will.

I've got a record too.

Lamb's ready.

Mmm, lamb.

It's very well cooked,
Lewis. It's delicious.

Mine was a bit overdone.

- So, what did you do wrong, Mr Crabb.
- Ryan.

No, it's OK, Ryan.
We'd all like to know.

What did you do wrong, Lewis?

Assault.

Nice.

- Anyone we know?
- No.

- I was young and stupid.
- We all make mistakes.

Some of us more than others.

Oh, mmm, salad. Excellent.

Yeah, mate. I should get the recipe.

Who was it? This assault.

I got in a fight.

- A fight.
- In a pub.

Did you do, like, community service too?

I had to do some time.

Beechworth.

Prison?

Who wants dessert?

Lewis has made a nice, big trifle.

Double strawberry surprise.

So, what did you do to
this guy you assaulted?

I can hardly remember.

Try.

I punched him.

Well, it must have
been a pretty big punch.

- You went to jail.
- I might've broken something.

- Broken what?
- His jaw.

Why?

We were playing pool and he sat
on the table to pocket a ball.

So you broke his jaw?

Well, you've got to have
one foot on the ground

when you take your
shot, that's the rules.

So is not belting the
crap out of people.

You've been to jail!

- Briefly.
- But you never told me.

- Well, you never asked.
- Why would I ask?

Oh, uh, ever been to Fiji, darl?

No? How about prison?

It was so long ago. It was before
I was married the first time.

Make any friends?

- Where?
- In the prison yard

- at Beechworth Correctional Facility.
- Gemma, you're making

a much bigger deal than it really is.

- How much bigger can it get?
- It was a few months!

We did a lot of woodwork,
mainly spice racks.

You've lied to me for ten years,
and you're talking spice racks.

It was another lifetime.

I much prefer this one.

It's garbage night.

Did you know about Lewis?

No!

It's infected.

Ow!

Everything alright? I mean...

- you seem, uh...
- What?

Nothing.

Sweetie, about, um...

Mildred, the name.

- How could you be so stupid!
- Oh, I know.

Eyebrow ring.

Bad idea.

The pub chick had one and...

oh, no, no, it wasn't like that.

I mean, she was gay. She still is.

You bought a pub.

- But you seemed fine about it at Lewis'.
- I had to be!

Gemma and Lucy were all won over.

I didn't want to be the cow who said no.

- You think I'm a cow.
- Did I say that?

You said you were going to
use your redundancy package

to launch your new business.

Now it's going towards
a pub, Mr Licensee!

It is not my fault all
my friends are criminals!

You're the one going
into business with them!

Look, I'm still into
my marketing company.

It's just... this is
a great opportunity.

I don't have to put all
my eggs in one basket.

As long as you can cope
with all the baskets.

- Ow!
- What were you going to say about Mildred?

Nothing.

You think it'll turn Gemma off the pub?

Depends how forgiving she's feeling.

I'm organising a loan.

Bub, it's risky, impulsive, crazy.

Sexy.

Not seeing that so much.

All this time I've been
slogging behind a bar.

You'll still be slogging behind a bar.

Yeah, but this time I'll own the bar.

A quarter.

Do you know how lucky you are

to have such an understanding
and supportive girlfriend?

Lucky I've got you
every day to remind me.

Oh.

Hey, Pops, would you like
to make a special speech

at your sister's
naming ceremony tonight?

Can I talk about my stink bug?

Sound asleep. Did well.

Oh, no, I've, yeah, um...

Skype call. Might have my first client.

Little bit unusual. Meet them today.

Thought you had to go
over the pub contract.

- Oh, afterwards.
- Busy.

Two businesses.

Lots of baskets.

Yuck, it tastes gross!

Oh, yeah. No, that milk's off.

Oh, no, it's not working!

Oh, this is all gonna be off.

Why don't you just express some more?

I have been up with her all night.

I've got nothing left.

Well, OK. Um, what about formula?

No, I know how you feel
about it, but, no...

Where did you get that?

It is chock full of goodness.

It's got vitamin A, D,
E. It's got ascorbyl pa...

'Palamalamalate'.

It's... look, I know that it doesn't
have white blood cells and antibodies

and all the magic stuff
that's in your boobs.

You can bring her in for feeds.

10-hour shift, you'd only
have to come in twice.

Hey, contract looks good.

- Seven days till we settle.
- Great.

Are they being careful
with that pool table?

Hey, kids, be careful.

- Morning, all!
- Hey.

- Dad.
- How's Gemma this morning?

Everyone's fine. How's that pub?

Good. Oh, I've... I've, um, got
a little bit of an incident here.

Um, is there a change room anywhere?

- What?
- Don't worry.

I'm sure the floor's super clean.

You've got no baby-changing facilities?

- No.
- No high chairs either.

I'm in the office if you need me.

You see where I'm going here?

She keeps saying
they're in a family area,

but they've got nothing.

No high chairs, no play
equipment, no parents' room.

No kids' menu.

That's our rebranding.

The Unicorn, a family friendly pub.

Free food for kids on Sundays.

Half-price Fridays for mothers' group.

Trivia night for the Nepean
South under-8s soccer team.

- Bring it on.
- (PHONE RINGS)

Hey, Gemma.

I need a favour.

You've got access to legal documents
and court judgements and stuff.

Some.

This is about Dad?

Look, I need to know
that the guy he hit is OK.

That was over 20 years ago.

But you can do it.

Didn't Dad say he was OK?

Mmm.

This isn't like you
two, sneaking around.

Will you check for me?

G'day, mate.

I was just going to whack
one of these in there.

Suppose I could just give it to you now.

I'm Lewis, I'm a handyman.

No job too small.

We've got a great deal on at the moment.

We give you a free hour
of fixing bits and bobs up,

and if you're happy, you'll
use us next time, you know.

Hopefully for something bigger.

Oh, come on, you're not gonna
be like my daughter, are you?

Leave it all up to your old man to fix.

No, Dad's not around.

Well, there must be
something that needs fixing.

The challenge is in trying
to crack quite a niche market.

Sargent Schnapps sold all over
the world. It was a hit show.

Can I ask why you left?

Well, storylines in the
last series got too violent.

He doesn't like conflict.

And we couldn't agree on fees.

Um, does he do any tricks?

Does he dance on his little...

Schnapps is a serious actor,
he's not a celebrity dog.

Why don't I send you a proposal

and we'll see what we can do to, you
know, get him back in the limelight.

We're not doing anything until
you two spend some time together.

Schnapps has to agree to work with you.

You need to bond.

Now?

Hey. How's your jailbird?

Sorry, I didn't mean to make a joke.

You know the new system that we've
been discussing I'm implementing?

- Four-hour turnaround?
- Mmm.

Well, here's our success
rate from last week.

- Impressive! Well done.
- Mmm, yep.

And here's how things have
spiralled since you've come back.

Abi, you're not even trying to
get the patients through quickly.

- I am. It's just...
- Come on,

you know what you're like, right?

You won't delegate because
you're a control freak.

You won't send anyone
through to the ward

because you have to crack
every diagnosis yourself.

OK, that's a little bit true,
but I've been on maternity leave.

I guess I'm just trying to prove myself.

Prove yourself by
sticking to the system.

Right, good point.

Upstairs, we were going to
reward all my nursing staff

with a lunch today if we
hit the monthly target.

- No lunch?
- And that was a sure thing until...

I stuffed it.

Easy as.

- Anything else?
- No, thanks.

I don't own the place,

but I'll pass your details
on to the real estate agent.

The people they use
are pretty crap, so...

Thanks, mate.

- Yeah, renting, are you?
- Yeah.

I don't know how young
people afford to buy.

What sort of work do you do?

- Import, export.
- TVs.

Yeah, that sort of thing.

Uh, look, I've got a
few places I need to be.

So, if you don't mind...

Are you married, Ned?

How'd you know my name?

- Shaun send you?
- Who?

Yeah, see, I knew you were dodgy
doing all this shit for free.

I knew you were fake.

- Listen, mate...
- Get out, get out.

No, no, no, listen!
It's not what you think!

I'm your dad!

My dad's dead.

Didn't he mention you were adopted?

Yeah.

Why all the bullshit?

You know, pretending to fix me deck?

I did fix your deck for free.

I wasn't sure you'd want to meet me.

I don't.

Mate, you're gonna need stitches.

- Just let me take you to hospital.
- (PHONE RINGS)

Excuse me.

The guy was OK.

Uh, broken jaw.

Dad got three months.

Thank you. And I'm sorry.

You know I don't doubt your dad.

One thing: this all
happened at the guy's house.

Dad said it was at a pub.

Why would he lie about that?

Ah, Gemma. Mr Crabb is here.

I've gotta go.

Is that your missus?

She doesn't know, does she?

- Hi. This is Ned.
- Ned.

- I fixed his deck.
- OK.

And then he fell down the stairs.

It was a good thing he was there.

Oh, hey, Lewis.

You need stitches.

I'll do it really quickly.

What happened to your head? The graze?

I don't know. Doesn't hurt.

I'm going to move the car.

- So, you're a friend of Lewis'?
- Nup.

Oh.

I thought you said this
was going to be quick.

- (PHONE RINGS)
- Sorry, one sec.

Where have you been?

- She must be starving!
- (DOG BARKING)

What was that?

My client.

Why couldn't you bring her
in? I was in the middle of s...

Jerry, hi.

Uh, this is not normal.
The fridge broke.

I've heard the figures for the
new system have taken a dive.

Room for improvement there.

Yeah.

Great. That was my boss.

Now he thinks I spend all
day feeding in the car park!

Well, I can't just take
a dog into a hospital.

Why do you even have a dog?

We're bonding. He's... he's my client.

I told you you're taking on too much.

- I can handle it.
- Really?

You run a people management company

and your only client is a
dog. You call that handling it?

Well, maybe if you weren't
such a perfectionist,

Mildred would have formula and
I'd have a few more clients.

I want things to be
perfect for our child!

- Is there something wrong with that?
- Well, her name is hardly perfect.

- What?
- I hate the name Mildred.

- Yeah.
- Ohh.

You're back.

Yeah, I got a park on the green level.

Why?

Well, the green level
is closer to the exit.

Why are you here?

Well, I brought the kid
in. I feel responsible.

I just want to make sure he's OK.

Look, I do not know what's going
on with you, but what I do know

is that man you assaulted,
it wasn't in a pub.

- It was at his house.
- How do you know that?

I am not going to apologise for
doing my own digging around when,

clearly, you're not
telling me the truth.

Hey! Where's Abi?

She's through there, I think.

Hang on, what's in those?

- You can't take food through there.
- They're pies.

Abi says all the nurses hate her

and she needs to buy their friendship.

And their lunch. Dr
Albert, I am so sorry.

I know you said to watch him,

but... I just turned my
back for one moment and...

- Who?
- The guy with the hand.

He... he's gone and he
hasn't been discharged yet.

- I should go and check on him.
- Why?

Well, he seemed like he
was in some sort of trouble.

You fixed his deck. Why
are you getting so involved?

Whose deck? I thought we were
dropping the handyman stuff?

- Yeah, I can still dabble.
- Oh.

- I might need a hand.
- What for?

- To check on Ned.
- Who?

Lewis, what's going on?

We need to hurry. You guys coming?

Well...

Will you just tell us
what's happening here?

I'm going in.

You blokes backing me up or what?

Run, run, run!

Get him! Quick!

- Get in the car!
- Run, run, run, run! Go!

Whoa!

Go, go!

Get him!

Whoa!

- Donkey Woowoo!
- They're coming.

- They're coming! Let's go!
- Go!

Let's go!

Who are you?

I'm his son.

He hasn't told the missus yet,
so maybe just keep it quiet.

Hey, Mark?

- Are you right to pick up Tilda?
- Yeah, of course.

Here's their sneakers for minkey.

- What's minkey?
- Mini hockey.

OK.

Hey, uh...

you good here?

Yeah.

Easy enough to replace a tail light.

I'll see you tonight.

It's nice Lewis has got a son, isn't it?

I don't think it's going to work out.

The pub.

Hey, Lewis' mess
doesn't have to affect...

No, it's not just Lewis.

I'm overcommitted, apparently.

Abi's not cool with it.

We just put a deposit on this place.

It'll all be ours soon.

If you need to keep a low profile,
you could hang here for a while.

There's rooms upstairs.

Yeah, maybe.

'Cos going home doesn't
seem such a good idea.

Hey, sorry about your tail light.

What kind of trouble are you in?

You worry about your own problems, mate.

I've got a lot of relatives.

Obviously not blood-related,
but just as annoying.

Aunts, uncles, I can't
stand any of them.

It's the same with
friends. Maybe there's a few

that don't annoy the crap out
of me, but the rest, just...

I'm not a big people person either.

So you'll understand, then?

Why I don't wanna...

reconnect.

Yeah, sure.

Nice decorations.

I was going with frangipanis 'cos
they were Mum's favourite, but...

Mildred will grow on me.

- You hate it.
- Yeah, I do, I do.

I don't get why you never said anything.

Well, I didn't want to upset you.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm such a fruitcake.

It's first week. Pressure.

It's pressure every day.

At home, I'm a doctor instead of a mum,

and at work, I'm...

- Yeah, I hear you.
- Everywhere I look,

everything I read reminds
me of how inadequate I am.

Formulas, poison, even
strollers are evil.

According to this, we're
meant to carry her around

until she's old enough to leave home.

I told you never to read the books.

She watches five minutes of television,

her brain will shrink.

It will anyway, because she's
not bilingual or at baby music,

and her mum works, so,
psychologically, she's screwed.

My parents threw us on a
mattress in the back of the car

and went down to the pub
and got pissed every night,

and then they'd drive home.

Until I was 10, when they made me drive.

I grew up eating meat pies, I
didn't eat a vegetable till I was 30

and I watched three hours of cartoons
every day, and look at me, I'm fine.

We need to lower the bar.

Who cares what everybody else thinks?

- We are slapdash.
- Oh, and proud.

We just need to lower the standards,
and I'll be able to handle the baby,

the business and the pub.

I know it was supposed to be a
surprise, but I only showed Mum.

You made this.

It's beautiful.

We're the guide parents.

Hey, Til, why don't you pop
upstairs and put your party dress on?

There's something I need you to see.

Who's this?

The baby's my son.

We adopted him out before we had Lucy.

I went to see him a few months
later just to, you know, just to...

check and see how he was getting along.

It was a stupid thing to do.

His father didn't want me there.

And he was in the right.

Those were the terms of the adoption.

Once you handed the
kid over, that was it.

But...

I wouldn't listen.

I was drunk.

And we argued,

and I hit the bloke.

You told me that it
was over a game of pool.

Another lie.

The guy who came into
the hospital today?

That's Ned.

My son. All grown up.

Do they have cake at naming ceremonies?

- Ah, yeah, I think so.
- Yay!

Ta.

Gemma, please, talk to me.

I'm not gonna spoil
today for Mark and Abi.

That means I can't look at you.

Hey! Here are the guide parents.

Say hi to the camera, guide parents!

- Hi!
- Hi.

- Are you OK?
- Yeah, I'm good.

- This is for the guest of honour.
- Wow.

Wow, thank you!

- Yeah, you do a solid doll's house, Lewis.
- I know.

So, uh, everything
sorted out with, um...?

Yep.

- Pub's good.
- Yeah? That's good.

- Abi's cool?
- Yeah, yeah. She, um...

How would you feel about
calling it 'The Mildred'?

Our pub?

Yeah. I...

kinda did a deal.

Excuse me, everyone!

I'm making a speech.

This is a special day because
it's for my baby sister.

Mum says I need to think
of something nice to say.

When my sister burps, it's really loud,

and when she laughs, it
makes everyone giggle,

especially me.

She laughs a lot at Uncle
Lewis, 'cos his head's funny.

That's why he's her
special fairy guide father.

Thanks, Poppy.

And Aunty Gemma is
her fairy guide mother,

because she goes with Uncle Lewis.

Also, Daddy hates the name Mildred,
so we're calling her Sophie.

- The End.
- Yay!

Awesome speech, Pops.

What are you gonna tell your daughters?

Does Lucy even know that
she has a full-blood brother?

No, but I will.

Ned doesn't want to have
anything to do with me,

so nothing's going to change.

You got into a fight
and you went to jail,

you wanted to see him so badly.

What, now you think that
nothing's going to change?

That was a long time ago. He was a baby.

- Here you go.
- What's this for?

Oh, that's for the couch.

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