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1
00:00:33,055 --> 00:00:35,043
So that's what you look like.
2
00:00:35,044 --> 00:00:39,715
You ugly, horrible... go on!
3
00:00:39,716 --> 00:00:41,304
Try your intellect on me!
4
00:00:41,305 --> 00:00:43,014
I'll see you in hell first!
5
00:00:46,397 --> 00:00:47,137
No!
6
00:00:47,137 --> 00:00:48,136
Stop!
7
00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:54,596
Call off your troops.
8
00:00:54,597 --> 00:00:55,597
Cease firing.
9
00:01:07,949 --> 00:01:10,278
He acted like he knew him.
10
00:01:10,279 --> 00:01:11,929
He did.
11
00:01:11,930 --> 00:01:16,199
He learned almost too late that
man is a feeling creature,
12
00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:19,830
and because of it, the
greatest in the universe.
13
00:01:19,831 --> 00:01:25,960
There is hope, but it has
to come from man himself.
14
00:01:25,961 --> 00:01:26,960
I have to go.
15
00:01:26,961 --> 00:01:28,960
I'm gonna eat now.
16
00:01:28,961 --> 00:01:30,462
Hold on just a second.
17
00:01:37,833 --> 00:01:38,832
Hello, darling.
18
00:01:38,832 --> 00:01:39,703
It's me again.
19
00:01:39,704 --> 00:01:45,553
Yours truly, Elvira, the gal
with the enormous, uh, ratings.
20
00:01:45,554 --> 00:01:47,833
Well, that's our show.
21
00:01:47,834 --> 00:01:52,133
I hope you enjoyed watching
it as much as I did.
22
00:01:53,525 --> 00:01:54,224
Oh, boy.
23
00:01:54,225 --> 00:01:56,383
I mean, could you believe
that cheesy looking monster?
24
00:01:56,410 --> 00:01:58,834
Looked like Gumby on steroids.
25
00:01:58,835 --> 00:02:01,506
Well, at least the
movie had a moral.
26
00:02:06,986 --> 00:02:08,984
Hey, does anybody know
what that movie was about?
27
00:02:09,011 --> 00:02:10,605
Uh, I'll tell you
what it was about.
28
00:02:10,606 --> 00:02:14,656
It was about an hour
and a half too long.
29
00:02:14,657 --> 00:02:16,946
Oh, and, uh, don't
forget, next week, it's.
30
00:02:16,947 --> 00:02:20,266
The Head With Two Things... I
mean, The Thing With Two Heads.
31
00:02:20,267 --> 00:02:24,847
And until then, this is Elvira,
the gal who put the boob back
32
00:02:24,848 --> 00:02:28,639
in the boob tube, saying
unpleasant dreams.
33
00:02:36,870 --> 00:02:39,870
Hey, put me down, will you?
34
00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:48,920
Is there anything that
could possibly shame you?
35
00:02:48,921 --> 00:02:51,481
Yeah, wearing this in a
public place might do it.
36
00:02:51,482 --> 00:02:52,481
Ha!
37
00:02:55,032 --> 00:02:56,631
Get it, girlfriend.
38
00:02:56,632 --> 00:02:58,572
You got your news and counting.
39
00:03:00,983 --> 00:03:01,982
Hey, Elvira.
40
00:03:01,982 --> 00:03:02,682
Not now, Rudy.
41
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,182
Wait a sec, wait a sec.
42
00:03:04,183 --> 00:03:06,281
See... see that guy over there?
43
00:03:06,282 --> 00:03:08,192
What, the lard bucket
in the 10 gallon hat?
44
00:03:08,193 --> 00:03:10,862
Yes, that's the
station's new owner.
45
00:03:10,864 --> 00:03:13,633
From the edge of the sea to
the end of the valley, you...
46
00:03:13,634 --> 00:03:14,333
What?
47
00:03:14,334 --> 00:03:17,063
Shut up!
48
00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:20,024
This guy's, OK?
49
00:03:20,025 --> 00:03:25,934
Mr. Hooter, this is, uh, Elvira.
50
00:03:25,935 --> 00:03:29,835
Name's Earl, but the ladies
back home call me Longhorn.
51
00:03:29,836 --> 00:03:32,975
Maybe you can guess why.
52
00:03:32,976 --> 00:03:34,015
Gee, I don't know.
53
00:03:34,016 --> 00:03:36,626
Does it have anything
to do with your breath?
54
00:03:36,627 --> 00:03:39,856
Why don't we let this little
filly get herself gussied up?
55
00:03:39,857 --> 00:03:42,877
The sooner I get in the
saddle, the better.
56
00:03:42,878 --> 00:03:46,657
Well, sorry, partner, but it
looks like it's gonna be you
57
00:03:46,658 --> 00:03:49,057
and your trusty old right hand.
58
00:03:49,058 --> 00:03:50,717
Sounds like you're looking to get
59
00:03:50,718 --> 00:03:52,748
yourself fired, little lady.
60
00:03:52,749 --> 00:03:54,157
Go ahead and fire me.
61
00:03:54,158 --> 00:03:56,928
I need this job like a leper
needs a three way mirror.
62
00:03:56,929 --> 00:04:00,729
It just so happens I have an
act opening up in Las Vegas.
63
00:04:00,730 --> 00:04:02,118
Well, terrific.
64
00:04:02,119 --> 00:04:04,059
You can try your act out on me.
65
00:04:04,060 --> 00:04:05,619
It's milkin' time!
66
00:04:07,571 --> 00:04:08,541
That's it!
67
00:04:08,541 --> 00:04:09,511
I'm walking!
68
00:04:09,512 --> 00:04:11,071
I don't have to take
this from anybody.
69
00:04:11,098 --> 00:04:13,010
And as for you, you
cretinous cowpoke...
70
00:04:13,011 --> 00:04:15,340
Whoa, whoa, she's got Hooter!
71
00:04:15,341 --> 00:04:17,601
Somebody on the floor
get her out of there!
72
00:04:17,602 --> 00:04:19,921
Within so much as 10 feet of me,
73
00:04:19,922 --> 00:04:24,231
and I'm gonna tie your
weenie in a granny knot!
74
00:04:24,232 --> 00:04:26,331
You said she was a nymph o!
75
00:04:26,332 --> 00:04:27,762
Come on, will you?
76
00:04:27,763 --> 00:04:30,131
Not the ball game!
77
00:04:31,584 --> 00:04:32,772
You can't quit!
78
00:04:32,773 --> 00:04:33,743
What's the big deal?
79
00:04:33,744 --> 00:04:35,473
Soon as my show opens in Las Vegas,
80
00:04:35,474 --> 00:04:37,883
I'll never have to host one
of those crap-o horror movies
81
00:04:37,884 --> 00:04:39,534
again.
82
00:04:39,535 --> 00:04:41,253
There's no problem with
the show, is there?
83
00:04:41,280 --> 00:04:44,944
Problem?
Complications, maybe,
84
00:04:44,945 --> 00:04:45,865
but never a problem.
85
00:04:45,866 --> 00:04:47,724
All right, out with it, Manny.
86
00:04:47,725 --> 00:04:52,095
OK, the Flamingo won't... it
won't go ahead with the show
87
00:04:52,096 --> 00:04:54,364
unless you come up with some
money to help finance it.
88
00:04:54,365 --> 00:04:56,635
Well, how much do they want?
89
00:04:56,636 --> 00:04:58,455
$50,000.
90
00:04:58,456 --> 00:04:59,856
$50,000?
91
00:04:59,857 --> 00:05:02,195
Are you nuts?
92
00:05:02,196 --> 00:05:04,706
Where am I going to come up
with that kind of money?
93
00:05:04,707 --> 00:05:07,627
Maybe it's not too late
to get your job back.
94
00:05:07,628 --> 00:05:08,327
Forget it, Manny.
95
00:05:08,328 --> 00:05:11,418
I'm never working for
that sleaze ball again.
96
00:05:11,419 --> 00:05:13,827
I'll just have to find
another sleaze ball.
97
00:05:16,599 --> 00:05:18,448
Oh, telegram for Miss Elvira.
98
00:05:18,449 --> 00:05:19,449
I'll take it.
99
00:05:23,319 --> 00:05:26,368
Dear Elvira, as executor of the
estate of your great aunt Miss.
100
00:05:26,369 --> 00:05:27,979
Morgana Talbot, I'm sorry to inform
101
00:05:27,980 --> 00:05:31,410
you of her untimely passing.
102
00:05:31,411 --> 00:05:33,809
Whoa, I didn't even
know I had a good aunt,
103
00:05:33,810 --> 00:05:34,691
much less a great one.
104
00:05:34,692 --> 00:05:37,950
Let me see that.
105
00:05:37,951 --> 00:05:40,509
It says here all I have to do is
come to Fallwell, Massachusetts
106
00:05:40,510 --> 00:05:42,969
for the reading of the will and
I'll pick up my inheritance!
107
00:05:42,970 --> 00:05:45,141
Is that timing, or what?
108
00:05:50,062 --> 00:05:54,713
And lastly, to my
enchanting niece, Elvira,
109
00:05:54,714 --> 00:05:57,762
who has unflinchingly withstood
the slings and arrows
110
00:05:57,763 --> 00:06:04,434
of an imperfect world without so
much as a whimper or complaint,
111
00:06:04,435 --> 00:06:09,073
I bequeath my entire fortune.
112
00:06:12,735 --> 00:06:17,104
Let's show Elvira exactly
what she's inherited!
113
00:06:22,086 --> 00:06:26,255
Elvira, you are going to start
with something that dreams are
114
00:06:26,256 --> 00:06:29,426
made of... a beautiful
new sailboat!
115
00:06:29,427 --> 00:06:36,477
You're going to sail away in a
sporty Sunchaser II from Stark!
116
00:06:36,478 --> 00:06:37,737
And that's not all.
117
00:06:37,738 --> 00:06:40,197
When you're tired
of sailing, you'll
118
00:06:40,198 --> 00:06:43,218
drive home in this brand
new Jeep Wrangler!
119
00:06:43,219 --> 00:06:45,988
I needed one of those!
120
00:06:45,989 --> 00:06:48,509
And you'll sit down to dinner
at this beautiful 10-piece
121
00:06:48,510 --> 00:06:51,109
dining room suite from
American Heritage!
122
00:06:54,530 --> 00:06:59,410
And on top... on top
of all of that, money!
123
00:06:59,411 --> 00:07:01,851
Lots and lots of money!
124
00:07:07,702 --> 00:07:09,170
Elvira.
125
00:07:09,171 --> 00:07:12,101
Elvira, are you all right?
126
00:07:12,102 --> 00:07:13,660
Go ahead and call
the Flamingo, Manny.
127
00:07:13,687 --> 00:07:15,802
Tell them I'll have
the $50,000 as soon
128
00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:17,862
as I get back from Massachusetts.
129
00:07:17,862 --> 00:07:20,702
Las Vegas, here I come.
130
00:07:45,116 --> 00:07:46,607
Hop in, sailor.
131
00:08:01,548 --> 00:08:04,538
Here, you forgot your axe.
132
00:08:35,692 --> 00:08:39,702
You know you were doing 50
in a 25 mile per hour zone?
133
00:08:39,703 --> 00:08:40,403
Um, no.
134
00:08:40,404 --> 00:08:44,213
But if you hum a few bars,
I'll fake it.
135
00:08:49,484 --> 00:08:51,883
I gotta get a new joke.
136
00:08:51,884 --> 00:08:53,163
This one's costing me a fortune.
137
00:09:20,767 --> 00:09:22,828
Hey, how about some gas?
138
00:09:32,519 --> 00:09:33,518
Fuck this.
139
00:10:14,253 --> 00:10:16,524
You know, those
things will kill you.
140
00:10:19,455 --> 00:10:21,415
Have a nice day.
141
00:12:05,216 --> 00:12:07,276
I can make darn sure
he doesn't get it.
142
00:12:07,277 --> 00:12:08,837
I have my ways, you know.
143
00:12:20,098 --> 00:12:21,598
Well!
144
00:12:21,599 --> 00:12:24,038
Oh!
145
00:12:24,039 --> 00:12:25,768
Well, I never.
146
00:12:25,769 --> 00:12:29,238
Yeah, and you never will with
them soup cans on your head.
147
00:12:29,239 --> 00:12:31,299
Listen, young lady, I
don't know who you are
148
00:12:31,300 --> 00:12:33,318
or where you came
from, but you most
149
00:12:33,319 --> 00:12:35,239
certainly don't fit in this town.
150
00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:38,511
Why, you don't even
fit in that dress.
151
00:12:38,512 --> 00:12:40,620
Listen, sister, if I
want your opinion,
152
00:12:40,621 --> 00:12:42,451
I'll beat it out of you.
153
00:12:42,452 --> 00:12:43,381
Oh!
154
00:12:43,382 --> 00:12:45,231
Anita!
155
00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:48,141
It's the Antichrist, I
tell you, the Antichrist!
156
00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:50,442
Can someone tell me where
there's a garage around here?
157
00:12:50,443 --> 00:12:51,142
Yeah, yeah.
158
00:12:51,143 --> 00:12:53,351
There's one right up the street.
159
00:12:53,352 --> 00:12:55,072
Oh.
160
00:12:55,073 --> 00:12:58,563
Well, uh, would one of
you big, strong men
161
00:12:58,564 --> 00:13:00,093
mind giving me a little push?
162
00:13:06,536 --> 00:13:07,535
Easy, easy.
163
00:13:07,536 --> 00:13:09,024
Don't scratch the paint.
164
00:13:16,005 --> 00:13:17,074
She's incredible.
165
00:13:17,075 --> 00:13:18,505
Man, what I wouldn't do for just
166
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:19,585
one peek at those gazongas.
167
00:13:19,612 --> 00:13:21,964
They're unreal.
168
00:13:21,965 --> 00:13:22,876
Oh, great.
169
00:13:22,877 --> 00:13:25,125
That means I'm stuck
in this hellhole.
170
00:13:25,126 --> 00:13:27,476
I mean, this quaint
little hellhole.
171
00:13:27,477 --> 00:13:30,527
Uh, listen, is there a motel
or something around here?
172
00:13:30,528 --> 00:13:33,305
Well, there's the Cozy
Cot down by the Widow.
173
00:13:33,306 --> 00:13:34,907
Bishop's feed store.
174
00:13:34,908 --> 00:13:36,256
Course, her son sort of took that
175
00:13:36,257 --> 00:13:39,647
over after she had that
spell of gingivitis.
176
00:13:39,648 --> 00:13:41,567
Her whole mouth swole up.
177
00:13:41,568 --> 00:13:44,397
Looked like she ate
a box of staples.
178
00:13:44,398 --> 00:13:46,036
Folks were saying she
got it from kissing
179
00:13:46,063 --> 00:13:47,384
that old dog of hers.
180
00:13:50,770 --> 00:13:51,769
Nice tits.
181
00:14:05,150 --> 00:14:06,150
Yoo-hoo!
182
00:14:10,792 --> 00:14:12,942
Can I get a room?
183
00:14:17,172 --> 00:14:18,332
Sorry, we're booked solid.
184
00:14:18,333 --> 00:14:20,523
So how come it says
vacancy out there?
185
00:14:26,264 --> 00:14:29,052
Look, we do have a room.
186
00:14:29,053 --> 00:14:30,654
Remember the trucker
with the bad skin
187
00:14:30,655 --> 00:14:31,853
that checked out this morning?
188
00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:32,514
Ew.
189
00:14:32,515 --> 00:14:33,974
I hope you changed the sheets.
190
00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:41,363
Hi.
191
00:14:41,364 --> 00:14:45,525
Is that makeup I see on
your face, young lady?
192
00:14:45,526 --> 00:14:46,436
No, ma'am.
193
00:14:46,437 --> 00:14:48,404
I mean, yes, ma'am.
194
00:14:48,405 --> 00:14:49,605
Well, just a little.
195
00:14:49,606 --> 00:14:51,265
How many times have
I told you, you're
196
00:14:51,266 --> 00:14:53,075
too young to wear makeup!
197
00:14:53,076 --> 00:14:54,596
Now, mother, I don't think...
198
00:14:54,597 --> 00:14:55,806
Shut up, Wesley!
199
00:14:55,807 --> 00:14:57,525
But grandma, all the
other girls at school
200
00:14:57,526 --> 00:14:58,226
are wearing makeup!
201
00:14:58,227 --> 00:15:00,687
And if all the other girls
at school jumped off a cliff,
202
00:15:00,688 --> 00:15:02,498
would you jump off a cliff?
203
00:15:02,499 --> 00:15:03,338
All right!
204
00:15:03,339 --> 00:15:04,727
And you don't have the sense
that you were born with.
205
00:15:04,728 --> 00:15:07,047
You have...
206
00:15:07,048 --> 00:15:09,448
I hate to interrupt this
little episode of The Waltons,
207
00:15:09,449 --> 00:15:12,058
but can I get a room?
208
00:15:12,059 --> 00:15:15,589
OK, but it's cash up front.
209
00:15:15,590 --> 00:15:18,109
I know what you pinko heavy metal
210
00:15:18,110 --> 00:15:21,268
weirdos do to motel rooms.
211
00:15:21,269 --> 00:15:22,999
Read all about in The Star.
212
00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:25,619
I'll, uh, show the
lady to her room.
213
00:15:25,620 --> 00:15:26,620
Oh no you don't.
214
00:15:35,271 --> 00:15:37,551
Hey, don't let them get you down.
215
00:15:37,552 --> 00:15:39,411
I used to get the same
line about makeup
216
00:15:39,412 --> 00:15:40,650
from the nuns at the orphanage.
217
00:15:40,677 --> 00:15:43,431
Course, I was only eight.
218
00:15:43,432 --> 00:15:45,241
Uh, I'm Elvira.
219
00:15:45,242 --> 00:15:47,573
I'm Robin.
220
00:15:47,574 --> 00:15:51,623
So, um, Robin, what's there to
do for fun around here, anyway?
221
00:15:51,624 --> 00:15:53,292
This town isn't real big on fun.
222
00:15:53,293 --> 00:15:53,994
Mm.
223
00:15:53,995 --> 00:15:56,733
Well, there is one
place that's open.
224
00:15:56,734 --> 00:15:57,984
The bowling alley.
225
00:15:57,985 --> 00:16:00,353
That gets real wild
on league night.
226
00:16:00,354 --> 00:16:02,655
Gee, I think I can handle it.
227
00:16:11,386 --> 00:16:14,395
Oh, I am so sure.
228
00:16:14,396 --> 00:16:16,365
They must think we're
really stupid.
229
00:16:16,366 --> 00:16:18,165
They're gonna kill
Spider-Man with plutonium?
230
00:16:18,192 --> 00:16:20,435
He's got radioactive blood.
231
00:16:20,436 --> 00:16:22,467
Yeah?
232
00:16:22,468 --> 00:16:25,987
Let me see that.
233
00:16:25,988 --> 00:16:28,957
Hey, man, what'd you do that for?
234
00:16:28,958 --> 00:16:29,958
Shut up.
235
00:16:36,388 --> 00:16:39,359
Look at what just walked in.
236
00:16:46,290 --> 00:16:49,339
Um, bloody Mary.
237
00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:50,870
No hard liquor served 8:00.
238
00:16:50,871 --> 00:16:53,339
Do you want a virgin?
239
00:16:53,340 --> 00:16:55,631
Maybe, but I'll have a
couple of drinks first.
240
00:17:07,833 --> 00:17:09,801
Hey, baby.
241
00:17:09,802 --> 00:17:12,922
I got something to show you.
242
00:17:12,923 --> 00:17:13,623
Sorry.
243
00:17:13,624 --> 00:17:15,203
Left my magnifying glass at home.
244
00:17:18,014 --> 00:17:20,643
Hey, that's pretty good.
245
00:17:20,644 --> 00:17:24,674
Billy, that is no way
to talk to a lady.
246
00:17:24,675 --> 00:17:27,654
So, how about a blow job?
247
00:17:46,768 --> 00:17:49,897
I bet you think that was
pretty funny, don't you?
248
00:17:49,898 --> 00:17:51,117
I enjoyed it.
249
00:17:51,118 --> 00:17:52,038
Yeah?
250
00:17:52,039 --> 00:17:54,257
Well, you're gonna
enjoy this even more.
251
00:17:54,258 --> 00:17:57,007
I cut you, man!
252
00:17:57,008 --> 00:17:59,417
She stabbed me!
253
00:17:59,418 --> 00:18:00,648
Faked you out.
254
00:18:00,649 --> 00:18:01,348
Yeah?
255
00:18:01,349 --> 00:18:02,998
Well, this ain't fake, baby!
256
00:18:02,999 --> 00:18:04,989
So stand still,
because I'm gonna...
257
00:18:07,970 --> 00:18:10,949
Oof!
258
00:18:10,950 --> 00:18:14,450
Uh, my name's Elvira, but
you can call me tonight.
259
00:18:17,361 --> 00:18:18,361
I'm Bob.
260
00:18:18,362 --> 00:18:19,670
Bob Redding.
261
00:18:19,671 --> 00:18:22,001
Pleased to meet you.
262
00:18:22,002 --> 00:18:23,481
Look at this mess!
263
00:18:23,482 --> 00:18:24,920
Who the heck is gonna pay for it?
264
00:18:24,921 --> 00:18:25,692
It's all right, Patty.
265
00:18:25,693 --> 00:18:27,311
I'll take care of the damages.
266
00:18:27,312 --> 00:18:31,201
Seems to me it's all this
cheap little tart's fault.
267
00:18:31,202 --> 00:18:31,902
Cheap?
268
00:18:31,902 --> 00:18:32,773
Who are you calling cheap?
269
00:18:32,774 --> 00:18:34,422
What's that perfume you're wearing?
270
00:18:34,423 --> 00:18:36,002
Catch of the day?
271
00:18:36,003 --> 00:18:39,763
Look, honey, I don't know
which hole you crawled out of,
272
00:18:39,764 --> 00:18:41,523
but I suggest you crawl right back
273
00:18:41,524 --> 00:18:42,953
in if you know what's good for you.
274
00:18:42,954 --> 00:18:44,173
Yeah, yeah.
275
00:18:44,174 --> 00:18:45,064
You better watch out.
276
00:18:45,065 --> 00:18:47,223
You could put some of these
eyes out with them things.
277
00:18:50,595 --> 00:18:51,594
We better go.
278
00:18:55,405 --> 00:18:57,836
It looks like you've got
some competition, Patty.
279
00:19:00,455 --> 00:19:04,426
Charlie, trash does not
compete with class.
280
00:19:07,667 --> 00:19:10,896
Right down the street,
at the Cozy Cot.
281
00:19:10,897 --> 00:19:12,856
Oh.
282
00:19:12,857 --> 00:19:14,707
So what brought you to Fallwell?
283
00:19:14,708 --> 00:19:15,538
Uh, my car.
284
00:19:18,018 --> 00:19:20,647
Uh, no, really, I'm here for
the reading of my great aunt.
285
00:19:20,648 --> 00:19:22,078
Morgana's will.
286
00:19:22,079 --> 00:19:23,808
Morgana Talbot?
287
00:19:23,809 --> 00:19:25,828
She's your aunt?
288
00:19:25,829 --> 00:19:28,538
Yeah, it came as a
surprise to me, too.
289
00:19:28,539 --> 00:19:31,919
I never really knew her, but
I sure admired her spunk.
290
00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,249
She never caved in the way
everybody else in this town
291
00:19:34,250 --> 00:19:35,739
has.
292
00:19:35,740 --> 00:19:39,239
Well, I don't want to bore
you with local politics.
293
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:41,229
Go ahead.
294
00:19:41,230 --> 00:19:42,521
Bore me.
295
00:19:42,522 --> 00:19:43,431
OK.
296
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:45,449
We've got this town council
that lives in mortal
297
00:19:45,450 --> 00:19:49,140
fear that somewhere, somehow,
somebody in Fallwell
298
00:19:49,141 --> 00:19:50,102
is having a good time.
299
00:19:50,103 --> 00:19:51,321
Oh.
300
00:19:51,322 --> 00:19:52,640
Bunch of real preservatives, huh?
301
00:19:55,773 --> 00:19:57,201
I run the movie house.
302
00:19:57,202 --> 00:19:57,913
Oh, really?
303
00:19:57,914 --> 00:19:59,232
I'm in movies, too.
304
00:19:59,233 --> 00:20:03,372
Have you ever shown, uh,
um, "I Married Satan"?
305
00:20:03,373 --> 00:20:04,503
No.
306
00:20:04,504 --> 00:20:07,462
How about the sequel,
"I Married Satan 2"?
307
00:20:07,463 --> 00:20:09,152
No.
308
00:20:09,153 --> 00:20:11,413
Uh, hm.
309
00:20:11,414 --> 00:20:13,784
I, uh... I can only
play G rated movies.
310
00:20:13,785 --> 00:20:14,485
Oh.
311
00:20:14,486 --> 00:20:16,724
Well, I mean, there's nothing
wrong with G-rated movies,
312
00:20:16,751 --> 00:20:19,595
as long as there's lots
of sex and violence.
313
00:20:19,596 --> 00:20:21,905
Um, hey, listen,
Bob, I'm only going
314
00:20:21,906 --> 00:20:23,865
to be in town for a couple of days,
315
00:20:23,866 --> 00:20:26,325
and I can't think of anyone who I'd
316
00:20:26,326 --> 00:20:27,577
rather squeeze into my agenda.
317
00:20:31,306 --> 00:20:32,747
Gee, that'd be swell.
318
00:20:54,510 --> 00:21:02,503
Oh, Mr. Talbot, your sister
was like a mother to me.
319
00:21:02,701 --> 00:21:04,959
She was a mother to me, too, dear.
320
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:07,970
Well, now that we've dispensed
with the obligatory display
321
00:21:07,971 --> 00:21:11,930
of bereavement, you may begin
the proceedings, Mr. Bigelow.
322
00:21:11,931 --> 00:21:15,631
Well, it was Mrs. Talbot's wish
to have all of her relatives
323
00:21:15,632 --> 00:21:17,071
present for the
reading of the will.
324
00:21:17,097 --> 00:21:19,851
All of her relatives are present.
325
00:21:19,852 --> 00:21:23,321
Me, myself, and I.
326
00:21:23,322 --> 00:21:26,633
Uh, well,
apparently Mrs.
327
00:21:26,634 --> 00:21:29,422
Talbot has a grand
niece Elvira, who
328
00:21:29,423 --> 00:21:31,743
is also one of the beneficiaries.
329
00:21:31,744 --> 00:21:32,853
That's impossible.
330
00:21:32,854 --> 00:21:34,263
Uh, well...
331
00:21:34,264 --> 00:21:38,234
Who is this grand niece?
332
00:21:38,235 --> 00:21:38,935
Hey, guys.
333
00:21:38,935 --> 00:21:39,705
Sorry I'm late.
334
00:21:39,706 --> 00:21:42,044
But then, so's my aunt.
335
00:21:42,045 --> 00:21:42,875
Hey, what did she die of?
336
00:21:42,876 --> 00:21:44,774
Nothing serious, I hope.
337
00:21:44,775 --> 00:21:45,995
Say, nice jacket.
338
00:21:45,996 --> 00:21:48,755
Who shot the couch?
339
00:21:48,756 --> 00:21:49,455
Uh...
340
00:21:49,456 --> 00:21:51,005
Hey, is there a
bathroom around here?
341
00:21:51,006 --> 00:21:52,964
I'm telling you, that
toilet over at the Cozy Cot
342
00:21:52,991 --> 00:21:54,886
looks like somebody's
science project.
343
00:21:54,887 --> 00:21:57,365
Who is this woman?
344
00:21:57,366 --> 00:22:00,786
This must be Mrs.
Talbot's grand niece.
345
00:22:00,787 --> 00:22:06,117
Oh, Elvira, this is your great
aunt's brother, Vincent Talbot.
346
00:22:06,118 --> 00:22:09,426
She was my aunt, and
you're her brother,
347
00:22:09,427 --> 00:22:13,509
then you must be my Uncle Vinny!
348
00:22:13,510 --> 00:22:16,008
Get this woman off of me!
349
00:22:16,009 --> 00:22:19,559
Oh, and you must be
Auntie Em and Uncle Remus!
350
00:22:19,560 --> 00:22:21,388
Oh, there's no place like home!
351
00:22:21,389 --> 00:22:23,468
The There's no place like home!
352
00:22:23,469 --> 00:22:25,079
Hurry up, Bigelow.
353
00:22:25,080 --> 00:22:27,029
Let's get on with it.
354
00:22:27,030 --> 00:22:27,731
Yeah, really.
355
00:22:27,732 --> 00:22:30,041
Let's get going before
somebody else dies.
356
00:22:36,281 --> 00:22:39,420
Uh, this is the certified and
only last will and testament
357
00:22:39,421 --> 00:22:42,281
of the deceased Morgana Talbot.
358
00:22:42,282 --> 00:22:44,831
To my housekeeper, Mrs. Morrissey,
359
00:22:44,832 --> 00:22:46,592
for years of loyalty and devotion,
360
00:22:46,593 --> 00:22:50,812
I leave my silver tea service
and a cash allotment of $5,000.
361
00:22:54,674 --> 00:22:56,232
Hey, babe, what are
you whining about?
362
00:22:56,259 --> 00:22:58,313
You made out like a bandit.
363
00:22:58,314 --> 00:23:01,624
To Mr. Morrissey,
my driver, I leave
364
00:23:01,625 --> 00:23:05,545
my automobile and an
allotment of $5,000.
365
00:23:05,546 --> 00:23:07,894
Wow, dude, $10,000
just for the help?
366
00:23:07,895 --> 00:23:10,314
That old gal must have
really been loaded!
367
00:23:10,315 --> 00:23:15,435
Oh, I mean, dear, sweet Aunt
Morgana certainly was generous.
368
00:23:15,436 --> 00:23:16,514
Oh, what's it say about me?
369
00:23:16,541 --> 00:23:20,596
What did I get?
370
00:23:20,597 --> 00:23:22,466
To my grand niece Elvira.
371
00:23:22,467 --> 00:23:24,646
Come on, lay it on
me, Aunt Morgana.
372
00:23:24,647 --> 00:23:27,226
Big bucks, big bucks!
373
00:23:27,227 --> 00:23:32,957
Uh, uh, uh, uh, I bequeath
my house, my beloved poodle,
374
00:23:32,958 --> 00:23:36,437
Algonquin, and my
precious book of recipes.
375
00:23:36,438 --> 00:23:37,138
That's it?
376
00:23:37,139 --> 00:23:40,948
A house, a dog, and a book?
377
00:23:40,949 --> 00:23:44,058
Please, if you will
allow me to finish.
378
00:23:44,059 --> 00:23:46,989
And finally, to my
dear brother Vincent,
379
00:23:46,990 --> 00:23:50,219
I leave the rest of my
estate and holdings,
380
00:23:50,220 --> 00:23:51,429
of which there is none.
381
00:23:54,311 --> 00:23:55,270
Where's the cash?
382
00:23:55,271 --> 00:23:57,691
Where's the furniture?
383
00:23:57,692 --> 00:23:58,691
Where's Bob Eubanks?
384
00:24:01,612 --> 00:24:04,260
He wasn't mentioned.
385
00:24:04,261 --> 00:24:05,471
I don't get it, man.
386
00:24:05,472 --> 00:24:06,172
Uh, boss.
387
00:24:06,173 --> 00:24:08,291
What's so important about
a dumb recipe book?
388
00:24:08,292 --> 00:24:12,011
That dumb recipe book
contains more power
389
00:24:12,012 --> 00:24:14,492
than your feeble little
minds can ever imagine,
390
00:24:14,493 --> 00:24:16,461
and it rightfully belongs to me.
391
00:24:16,462 --> 00:24:19,673
I must have that book!
392
00:24:19,674 --> 00:24:20,892
Great. Just what I need.
393
00:24:20,893 --> 00:24:21,615
A house.
394
00:24:21,616 --> 00:24:26,084
I need a house in Fallwell
like I need a padded bra.
395
00:24:26,085 --> 00:24:26,925
I can't live here!
396
00:24:26,926 --> 00:24:28,284
I'll go crazy, I tell you!
397
00:24:31,696 --> 00:24:32,695
Crazy!
398
00:24:35,205 --> 00:24:36,665
May I offer you a ride?
399
00:24:36,666 --> 00:24:37,547
Buzz off, creep.
400
00:24:37,547 --> 00:24:38,346
I'm not in the mood.
401
00:24:38,347 --> 00:24:40,274
Oh, it's you, Uncle Vinny.
402
00:24:40,275 --> 00:24:42,666
Yes.
403
00:24:42,667 --> 00:24:44,255
Uncle Vinny.
404
00:24:44,256 --> 00:24:46,746
I must apologize for my
behavior in the office.
405
00:24:46,747 --> 00:24:50,066
It's just that your appearance
was a bit of a shock to me.
406
00:24:50,067 --> 00:24:50,768
It's OK.
407
00:24:50,769 --> 00:24:52,607
My appearance is kind of
a shock to everybody.
408
00:24:52,634 --> 00:24:53,067
Yes.
409
00:24:53,068 --> 00:24:56,767
Well, as you may have surmised,
my sister and I... well,
410
00:24:56,768 --> 00:25:00,538
let's just say we had
our differences.
411
00:25:00,539 --> 00:25:01,938
Yeah, I guess.
412
00:25:01,939 --> 00:25:03,038
You really got shafted.
413
00:25:03,039 --> 00:25:04,267
Uh, look.
414
00:25:04,268 --> 00:25:05,759
I'll tell you what, Uncle Vinny.
415
00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:07,559
Um, I'll share my
inheritance with you.
416
00:25:07,560 --> 00:25:08,588
You can have the dog.
417
00:25:08,589 --> 00:25:09,550
No!
418
00:25:09,551 --> 00:25:11,428
Thank you.
419
00:25:11,429 --> 00:25:14,600
But I would be interested in
acquiring that recipe book.
420
00:25:14,601 --> 00:25:16,599
You know, for sentimental reasons.
421
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:17,870
I'd be willing to pay you.
422
00:25:17,871 --> 00:25:19,580
Say, oh, $50.
423
00:25:19,581 --> 00:25:20,300
Hey, sure.
424
00:25:20,301 --> 00:25:21,900
I'll do it for $50.
425
00:25:21,901 --> 00:25:23,990
Oh!
426
00:25:23,991 --> 00:25:26,041
Vinny, you got
yourself a cookbook.
427
00:25:26,042 --> 00:25:27,951
That lawyer guy's taking me
over to the house, though.
428
00:25:27,952 --> 00:25:29,190
You can pick it up there later.
429
00:25:29,217 --> 00:25:29,693
Fine.
430
00:25:29,693 --> 00:25:30,482
I'll see you there.
431
00:25:30,483 --> 00:25:33,212
Oh, uh, don't forget
to bring the cash.
432
00:25:36,442 --> 00:25:37,842
Drive!
433
00:25:37,843 --> 00:25:40,542
If one of those
bottles should happen to fall,
434
00:25:40,543 --> 00:25:42,493
98... oh, we're here.
435
00:25:48,854 --> 00:25:50,834
Hey, this place ain't half bad.
436
00:25:50,835 --> 00:25:53,314
Bet you could get a bundle for it.
437
00:25:53,315 --> 00:25:54,944
Yes, you could.
438
00:25:54,945 --> 00:25:56,225
But your house is over there.
439
00:26:09,677 --> 00:26:12,676
Oh, Mr. Talbot, I just
wanted to thank you
440
00:26:12,677 --> 00:26:15,726
for that generous donation you
made to the Morality Club.
441
00:26:15,727 --> 00:26:16,577
You're quite welcome.
442
00:26:16,578 --> 00:26:19,677
You know, as I always
say, morals aren't cheap.
443
00:26:19,678 --> 00:26:22,237
And speaking of cheap,
uh, a little birdie
444
00:26:22,238 --> 00:26:25,968
told me that that Elvira
woman is related to you.
445
00:26:25,969 --> 00:26:29,498
Now, not that it's any of my
business, but then, of course,
446
00:26:29,499 --> 00:26:30,498
everything is.
447
00:26:30,499 --> 00:26:33,569
Believe me, I'm as anxious
to get rid of her as you are.
448
00:26:33,570 --> 00:26:34,379
Oh, good.
449
00:26:34,380 --> 00:26:35,889
You know, because someone like that
450
00:26:35,890 --> 00:26:38,139
comes to town, the
next thing you know,
451
00:26:38,140 --> 00:26:39,949
they're teaching sex
education in the schools
452
00:26:39,950 --> 00:26:42,279
and they're passing out
condoms to kindergartners.
453
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:43,919
You remember when those
swarthy fellows...
454
00:26:43,945 --> 00:26:46,910
She won't be with us very long.
455
00:26:46,911 --> 00:26:47,611
Oh.
456
00:26:47,612 --> 00:26:55,581
Um, uh, why, uh... well, I
know I'm needed somewhere.
457
00:26:55,582 --> 00:26:56,802
Bye bye, now.
458
00:27:01,444 --> 00:27:02,443
Careful.
459
00:27:02,444 --> 00:27:03,602
Some of the boards are loose.
460
00:27:07,823 --> 00:27:09,243
What a dump.
461
00:27:09,244 --> 00:27:12,923
Like I said, the house
needs a little something.
462
00:27:12,924 --> 00:27:15,554
Yeah, like a wrecking ball.
463
00:27:19,484 --> 00:27:22,164
I think Algonquin likes you.
464
00:27:22,165 --> 00:27:22,895
Here, doggy.
465
00:27:22,895 --> 00:27:23,596
Go on.
466
00:27:23,597 --> 00:27:24,795
Go chase this into the street.
467
00:27:27,606 --> 00:27:29,245
I can't stand little dogs.
468
00:27:29,246 --> 00:27:31,136
Boy, if my aunt wasn't
dead, I'd kill her.
469
00:27:34,597 --> 00:27:36,485
Sorry, Aunt Morgana.
470
00:27:36,486 --> 00:27:37,486
Just kidding.
471
00:27:41,768 --> 00:27:45,026
Here's the rest of
your inheritance.
472
00:27:45,027 --> 00:27:46,668
Your great aunt's recipe book.
473
00:27:51,669 --> 00:27:52,688
Oh, yeah.
474
00:27:52,689 --> 00:27:53,699
Some inheritance.
475
00:27:53,700 --> 00:27:57,079
Well, at least I'm
getting $50 for it.
476
00:27:57,080 --> 00:27:59,498
Say, how much you think I
could get for this place?
477
00:27:59,499 --> 00:28:01,439
Well, even though the
house is in disrepair,
478
00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:03,399
it is in a prime location.
479
00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:06,650
I'd venture to say you
could get, um, $70,000.
480
00:28:06,651 --> 00:28:07,939
$70,000?
481
00:28:07,940 --> 00:28:09,670
Maybe more if it were fixed up.
482
00:28:09,671 --> 00:28:11,419
Would you be interested in selling?
483
00:28:11,420 --> 00:28:12,770
Does a chicken have a pecker?
484
00:28:12,771 --> 00:28:13,771
Of course I'm interested!
485
00:28:22,743 --> 00:28:24,352
Now, what am I gonna do with you?
486
00:28:34,654 --> 00:28:37,624
That's more like it, Algonquin.
487
00:28:37,625 --> 00:28:39,544
Algonquin.
488
00:28:39,545 --> 00:28:41,674
What a sissy name.
489
00:28:41,675 --> 00:28:44,064
Let's see, what do I call you?
490
00:28:44,065 --> 00:28:45,104
I know, Gonk.
491
00:28:45,105 --> 00:28:47,084
How do you like that?
492
00:28:58,496 --> 00:29:00,015
Yeah, hold your horses.
493
00:29:03,827 --> 00:29:04,886
Hi, Uncle Vinny.
494
00:29:04,887 --> 00:29:06,167
You're here for the book, right?
495
00:29:06,193 --> 00:29:07,647
Come on in.
496
00:29:07,648 --> 00:29:09,447
Oh, can I make you a cup
of tea or something?
497
00:29:09,474 --> 00:29:11,247
I wouldn't want to put
you to any trouble.
498
00:29:11,248 --> 00:29:12,927
Mm, good point.
499
00:29:12,928 --> 00:29:14,948
I can't stay very long anyway.
500
00:29:14,949 --> 00:29:17,428
Say, you wouldn't want to
buy a house, would you?
501
00:29:17,429 --> 00:29:18,359
I'm afraid not.
502
00:29:18,360 --> 00:29:19,718
I'll sell it to you really cheap.
503
00:29:19,745 --> 00:29:20,888
Uh, no thank you.
504
00:29:20,889 --> 00:29:22,848
Vinny, they don't make
houses like this anymore.
505
00:29:22,875 --> 00:29:24,508
I mean, look at the detailing.
506
00:29:24,509 --> 00:29:27,929
Look... look at the craftsmanship.
507
00:29:27,930 --> 00:29:30,010
What would you pay for
a house like this?
508
00:29:30,011 --> 00:29:32,079
Don't answer, because you
not only get a house.
509
00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:33,570
If you act right now, you also get
510
00:29:33,571 --> 00:29:35,080
all this beautiful furniture!
511
00:29:35,081 --> 00:29:36,259
Now what would you pay?
512
00:29:36,260 --> 00:29:37,620
I'm telling you, it's a jewel box.
513
00:29:37,647 --> 00:29:38,211
A gem.
514
00:29:38,212 --> 00:29:39,310
A love hutch for two.
515
00:29:39,311 --> 00:29:40,810
I'd bend over backwards
to make you a deal.
516
00:29:40,811 --> 00:29:41,921
I'll bend over forwards.
517
00:29:41,922 --> 00:29:43,611
Why, I'd stand on my
head and eat a bug.
518
00:29:43,612 --> 00:29:45,013
I... No!
519
00:29:45,014 --> 00:29:47,761
Just the book.
520
00:29:47,762 --> 00:29:48,462
OK.
521
00:29:48,463 --> 00:29:51,932
I mean, if you're gonna
get crabby about it.
522
00:29:58,045 --> 00:29:59,044
That's weird.
523
00:29:59,045 --> 00:30:01,594
I would've sworn the book
was just on that table.
524
00:30:01,595 --> 00:30:03,433
You promised me that book.
525
00:30:03,434 --> 00:30:05,064
Hey, don't get your
panties in a bunch.
526
00:30:05,065 --> 00:30:07,453
It didn't just walk away.
527
00:30:07,454 --> 00:30:08,354
I'm sure it'll turn up.
528
00:30:08,355 --> 00:30:10,484
Yes!
529
00:30:10,485 --> 00:30:13,155
Of course it will.
530
00:30:13,156 --> 00:30:14,155
Forgive me.
531
00:30:20,525 --> 00:30:22,976
He thinks he's a pit bull.
532
00:30:34,598 --> 00:30:36,436
Good thing I'm not gonna
be here very long.
533
00:30:36,437 --> 00:30:38,037
The neighbors would
never get any sleep.
534
00:30:45,941 --> 00:30:46,939
About time, doofus.
535
00:30:46,940 --> 00:30:49,279
Did you bring the camera?
536
00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:50,749
Do I look like an idiot?
537
00:30:50,750 --> 00:30:52,839
Do you really want
me to answer that?
538
00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:53,821
Shut up, you guys.
539
00:30:53,822 --> 00:30:55,290
She's gonna hear us.
540
00:31:05,481 --> 00:31:07,871
Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who's
541
00:31:07,872 --> 00:31:12,451
the most drop dead
gorgeous one of all?
542
00:31:12,452 --> 00:31:14,243
Oh, you're just saying that.
543
00:31:34,125 --> 00:31:36,615
What do you see?
544
00:31:36,616 --> 00:31:38,605
In a minute, in a minute!
545
00:31:38,606 --> 00:31:40,094
Ow, my fingers!
546
00:31:40,095 --> 00:31:41,586
Guys, I can't see a thing!
547
00:31:41,587 --> 00:31:42,585
In a minute!
548
00:31:46,847 --> 00:31:47,845
Whoa.
549
00:31:53,517 --> 00:31:55,507
Hey, don't drop me!
550
00:32:00,970 --> 00:32:01,968
Ow!
551
00:32:01,969 --> 00:32:03,948
What do you see?
552
00:32:15,180 --> 00:32:16,178
Awesome!
553
00:32:19,860 --> 00:32:20,860
I gotcha.
554
00:32:31,291 --> 00:32:33,791
Haven't you boys got someplace
else to hang around?
555
00:32:33,792 --> 00:32:37,822
I heard you might need a little
help fixing up the place.
556
00:32:37,823 --> 00:32:39,531
That's very thoughtful,
but why don't you
557
00:32:39,532 --> 00:32:41,342
come back when the light's better?
558
00:32:41,343 --> 00:32:43,632
Good night.
559
00:32:48,093 --> 00:32:49,413
You blew it!
560
00:32:49,414 --> 00:32:50,693
Did you see those gazongas?
561
00:32:50,694 --> 00:32:51,803
I saw them.
562
00:32:51,804 --> 00:32:52,503
I got it!
563
00:32:52,504 --> 00:32:54,474
All right!
564
00:32:54,475 --> 00:32:55,963
Yeah!
565
00:33:04,165 --> 00:33:05,165
Elvira.
566
00:33:09,216 --> 00:33:10,215
Elvira.
567
00:33:21,668 --> 00:33:22,667
Elvira.
568
00:33:32,619 --> 00:33:33,619
Elvira.
569
00:34:17,645 --> 00:34:19,433
Oh, out, out, out!
570
00:34:19,434 --> 00:34:20,433
Out!
571
00:34:42,679 --> 00:34:43,677
Hi, Elvira.
572
00:34:43,677 --> 00:34:44,608
Hi.
573
00:34:44,609 --> 00:34:45,937
Oh, h you're here.
574
00:34:45,938 --> 00:34:47,496
Richie's folks run
the hardware store.
575
00:34:47,523 --> 00:34:49,557
And we got lots of paint.
576
00:34:49,558 --> 00:34:50,258
Oh, do you?
577
00:34:50,259 --> 00:34:52,127
Too bad they don't own the bank.
578
00:34:52,128 --> 00:34:53,568
Uh, I'll be right down.
579
00:34:56,169 --> 00:34:57,169
Let's do it.
580
00:35:03,410 --> 00:35:04,409
Hey, Elvira!
581
00:35:04,410 --> 00:35:06,499
We got us a couple more volunteers.
582
00:35:06,500 --> 00:35:07,200
Great!
583
00:35:07,201 --> 00:35:09,310
Just grab a tool and start banging.
584
00:35:21,282 --> 00:35:22,781
Hi, Elvira.
585
00:35:22,782 --> 00:35:23,781
Hi, Robin.
586
00:35:23,782 --> 00:35:24,783
Come on in.
587
00:35:29,773 --> 00:35:33,683
Randy, can you hand me that rag?
588
00:35:33,684 --> 00:35:35,332
Randy!
589
00:35:35,333 --> 00:35:36,563
Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
590
00:35:36,564 --> 00:35:37,562
Sure.
591
00:35:42,074 --> 00:35:44,974
Young lady!
592
00:35:44,975 --> 00:35:48,564
Robin Meeker, what in
tar nation are you doing here?
593
00:35:48,565 --> 00:35:50,635
You're gonna pay dearly!
594
00:35:50,636 --> 00:35:51,335
Robin!
595
00:35:51,336 --> 00:35:53,514
I'm going to find out
about this, young lady!
596
00:35:53,515 --> 00:35:54,216
Robin!
597
00:35:54,217 --> 00:35:55,314
Come over here!
598
00:35:55,315 --> 00:35:58,265
When are you going to learn
to do what you're told?
599
00:35:58,266 --> 00:36:00,064
You're going to learn
to do what you're told.
600
00:36:20,849 --> 00:36:21,848
Lemonade!
601
00:36:30,950 --> 00:36:32,930
It's fabulous!
602
00:36:39,951 --> 00:36:42,160
I tell you, I nearly died.
603
00:36:42,161 --> 00:36:45,791
There she was, parading around
in clothes that couldn't
604
00:36:45,792 --> 00:36:47,761
keep a titmouse dry in a drizzle.
605
00:36:47,762 --> 00:36:50,561
I mean, it was next to nothing.
606
00:36:50,562 --> 00:36:53,352
I'd say it was next to plenty.
607
00:36:53,353 --> 00:36:55,551
And she had half the
teenagers in town
608
00:36:55,552 --> 00:36:58,992
writhing around to
that jungle music.
609
00:36:58,993 --> 00:37:02,603
And this morning, on my regular
tour of the boys' lavatory,
610
00:37:02,604 --> 00:37:03,603
I confiscated this.
611
00:37:11,214 --> 00:37:13,715
I'll be making the
announcement this afternoon.
612
00:37:13,716 --> 00:37:18,334
Henceforth, all students will be
subject to immediate expulsion
613
00:37:18,335 --> 00:37:22,175
if they are found in the
company of that floozy!
614
00:37:22,176 --> 00:37:22,876
Please.
615
00:37:22,877 --> 00:37:26,066
I don't think we need to
resort to name calling.
616
00:37:26,067 --> 00:37:29,607
I think what Calvin is trying
to say is that this Elvira is
617
00:37:29,608 --> 00:37:34,787
a person of easy virtue, a
purveyor of pulchritude, a one
618
00:37:34,788 --> 00:37:36,897
woman Sodom and
Gomorrah, if you will.
619
00:37:36,898 --> 00:37:40,818
A slimy, slithering succubus!
620
00:37:40,819 --> 00:37:46,848
A concubine, a street walker, a
tramp, a slut, a cheap whore!
621
00:37:46,849 --> 00:37:48,538
She'll be nothing but a bad dream
622
00:37:48,539 --> 00:37:50,238
just as soon as she
sells that property.
623
00:37:50,239 --> 00:37:52,317
An open house has already
been planned for tomorrow.
624
00:37:52,345 --> 00:37:55,398
What... what if she
decides not to sell?
625
00:37:55,399 --> 00:37:57,499
What if she decides to settle here?
626
00:37:57,500 --> 00:38:00,430
Well, if she's morally
unfit, then we
627
00:38:00,431 --> 00:38:02,330
have every right to do anything we
628
00:38:02,331 --> 00:38:03,780
can to get her out of this town.
629
00:38:03,781 --> 00:38:04,692
Are we agreed?
630
00:38:04,692 --> 00:38:05,391
Absolutely.
631
00:38:05,391 --> 00:38:06,091
Hear, hear.
632
00:38:06,092 --> 00:38:08,731
Maybe we're not being
entirely objective about this!
633
00:38:08,732 --> 00:38:10,600
Shut up, Leslie!
634
00:38:10,601 --> 00:38:11,600
Then it's unanimous.
635
00:38:14,512 --> 00:38:17,601
Carol,
Fallwell Real Estate.
636
00:38:17,602 --> 00:38:19,162
Boy, I sure hope
you've got a buyer.
637
00:38:19,163 --> 00:38:22,362
I haven't had so much
as a lookie loo.
638
00:38:22,363 --> 00:38:23,362
Don't worry.
639
00:38:25,724 --> 00:38:27,643
I have some wealthy
investor friends
640
00:38:27,644 --> 00:38:29,163
that would buy this
house in a minute.
641
00:38:29,190 --> 00:38:32,083
That is, if you play
your cards right.
642
00:38:32,084 --> 00:38:35,734
Oh, honey, I'd do anything
to get rid of this rat trap.
643
00:38:35,735 --> 00:38:36,515
That's what I like.
644
00:38:36,516 --> 00:38:37,734
A motivated seller.
645
00:38:37,735 --> 00:38:40,474
It's all a matter of technique.
646
00:38:40,475 --> 00:38:46,385
For starters, let's try
and set the proper mood.
647
00:38:46,386 --> 00:38:47,454
Oh, good idea.
648
00:38:47,455 --> 00:38:51,235
I mean, the less they
see, the better.
649
00:38:51,236 --> 00:38:53,516
It's usually a matter of
getting close to the buyer.
650
00:38:53,517 --> 00:38:55,394
Tell them all about the
potential appreciation,
651
00:38:55,421 --> 00:38:59,797
and guide him through
every nook and cranny.
652
00:38:59,798 --> 00:39:02,807
Slowly unveil everything
from the balcony
653
00:39:02,808 --> 00:39:05,297
to the basement, one
area at a time.
654
00:39:05,298 --> 00:39:08,067
Then, when he's so enthralled
he's ready to burst,
655
00:39:08,068 --> 00:39:10,138
you clinch the deal!
656
00:39:10,139 --> 00:39:10,839
Ow!
657
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:12,278
You'll be sorry!
658
00:39:12,279 --> 00:39:16,608
You'll never sell this
place without me!
659
00:39:16,609 --> 00:39:20,890
Just because this house is up
for grabs doesn't mean I am!
660
00:39:22,450 --> 00:39:24,781
Get this dog off me!
661
00:39:28,161 --> 00:39:29,161
Get back!
662
00:39:29,162 --> 00:39:30,161
Get out of here!
663
00:40:03,705 --> 00:40:05,805
Calm down, Manny, she says!
664
00:40:05,806 --> 00:40:08,445
I've got the Flamingo breathing
down my neck to cough up
665
00:40:08,446 --> 00:40:10,164
the dough to hold that
showroom, and you're
666
00:40:10,191 --> 00:40:11,155
telling me to calm down?
667
00:40:11,156 --> 00:40:13,545
I told you, I'll come
up with the money!
668
00:40:13,546 --> 00:40:17,296
Heck, I was just six inches
from selling this house today.
669
00:40:17,297 --> 00:40:21,186
Look, kid, you better get
that money here pronto,
670
00:40:21,187 --> 00:40:23,086
or you're through, you hear me?
671
00:40:23,087 --> 00:40:26,497
The only m room you'll see in
Vegas will have Toyotas in it!
672
00:40:37,790 --> 00:40:42,769
And now I understand she
is out looking for a job?
673
00:40:50,340 --> 00:40:52,320
There she is.
674
00:40:52,321 --> 00:40:54,290
Mm.
675
00:40:54,291 --> 00:40:55,290
Let's go.
676
00:41:18,014 --> 00:41:20,593
There's no book upstairs,
but I found these panties.
677
00:41:20,594 --> 00:41:21,394
Try one.
678
00:41:21,395 --> 00:41:22,394
They're edible.
679
00:41:24,876 --> 00:41:27,373
Mm!
680
00:41:27,374 --> 00:41:28,865
Mmph!
681
00:41:28,866 --> 00:41:32,245
Now keep looking.
682
00:41:48,378 --> 00:41:51,236
Excuses, excuses.
683
00:41:51,237 --> 00:41:53,587
We turned the place inside out.
684
00:41:53,588 --> 00:41:54,288
Yeah.
685
00:41:54,289 --> 00:41:56,577
And tell him about the dog.
686
00:41:56,578 --> 00:41:58,656
Well, it must have been the
size of a water buffalo.
687
00:41:58,683 --> 00:41:59,682
Quiet!
688
00:42:01,929 --> 00:42:04,239
Now listen to me very carefully.
689
00:42:04,240 --> 00:42:05,598
I want you to go to the courthouse
690
00:42:05,625 --> 00:42:07,779
and remove all the records
of the town ordinances
691
00:42:07,780 --> 00:42:08,949
and bring them back to me.
692
00:42:08,950 --> 00:42:11,129
Do you understand?
693
00:42:11,130 --> 00:42:13,080
Yeah.
694
00:42:13,081 --> 00:42:14,360
Then get out!
695
00:42:30,883 --> 00:42:33,822
Oh.
696
00:42:44,585 --> 00:42:45,584
Ow!
697
00:42:45,585 --> 00:42:47,363
Oh my gosh, Elvira!
698
00:42:47,364 --> 00:42:48,864
I'm sorry!
699
00:42:48,865 --> 00:42:50,874
Are you all right?
700
00:42:50,875 --> 00:42:51,745
Yeah, I think so.
701
00:42:51,746 --> 00:42:52,815
How's your head?
702
00:42:52,816 --> 00:42:55,714
I haven't had any complaints yet.
703
00:42:55,715 --> 00:42:57,645
Excuse me?
704
00:42:57,646 --> 00:43:00,225
Uh, I think I'll live.
705
00:43:00,226 --> 00:43:01,425
Believe me, it's not
the worst thing
706
00:43:01,426 --> 00:43:02,356
that's happened to me today.
707
00:43:02,357 --> 00:43:03,945
I've been to every
place in this town,
708
00:43:03,946 --> 00:43:05,146
and no one will give me a job.
709
00:43:05,173 --> 00:43:08,917
It's... it's like it's a
conspiracy or something.
710
00:43:08,918 --> 00:43:11,436
You know what your problem is?
711
00:43:11,437 --> 00:43:12,797
Chastity Pariah.
712
00:43:12,798 --> 00:43:15,576
Ooh, I thought that cleared up.
713
00:43:15,577 --> 00:43:16,858
No, Chastity Pariah.
714
00:43:16,859 --> 00:43:17,669
She's the old biddy.
715
00:43:17,670 --> 00:43:19,727
She's got the whole town
turned against you.
716
00:43:19,728 --> 00:43:20,428
Oh, swell.
717
00:43:20,429 --> 00:43:25,118
So now no one'll hire me,
and I'm flat busted!
718
00:43:25,119 --> 00:43:28,458
No, I mean I'm broke.
719
00:43:28,459 --> 00:43:31,108
I'd hire you if I could, but
I'm barely making enough money
720
00:43:31,109 --> 00:43:32,539
to stay in business as it is.
721
00:43:32,540 --> 00:43:33,320
Duh.
722
00:43:33,320 --> 00:43:34,020
Not surprised.
723
00:43:34,021 --> 00:43:38,020
I mean, who wants to pay to see
some quack making duck calls?
724
00:43:38,021 --> 00:43:41,800
And besides that, Bob, you
got an extra E in matinee.
725
00:43:41,801 --> 00:43:42,500
No I don't.
726
00:43:42,501 --> 00:43:44,161
That's how you spell it.
727
00:43:44,162 --> 00:43:46,210
Uh, Bob, I'm in show business.
728
00:43:46,211 --> 00:43:47,662
I think I know how
to spell matinee.
729
00:43:58,723 --> 00:44:01,673
Oh!
730
00:44:10,554 --> 00:44:13,984
Oh, Bob, how can I ever repay you?
731
00:44:13,985 --> 00:44:17,655
Here, let me try.
732
00:44:17,656 --> 00:44:18,656
You witch!
733
00:44:29,157 --> 00:44:30,866
I guess I better get back to work.
734
00:44:30,867 --> 00:44:32,486
The matinee's going to start soon.
735
00:44:32,487 --> 00:44:36,087
Oh, yeah, I can see the
crowds lining up now.
736
00:44:36,088 --> 00:44:38,566
Bobby, baby, you are
going to go broke
737
00:44:38,567 --> 00:44:41,817
showing turkeys like these.
738
00:44:41,818 --> 00:44:44,387
You got a better idea?
739
00:44:44,388 --> 00:44:47,829
It just so happens that I
have some of the classic films
740
00:44:47,830 --> 00:44:51,597
of all time in the trunk of my car.
741
00:44:51,598 --> 00:44:53,880
As a matter of fact...
742
00:45:43,195 --> 00:45:48,135
He who holds the book of sight,
when the moon is drained of all
743
00:45:48,136 --> 00:45:53,336
its light, will then be ruler of
the night, master of the dark.
744
00:45:56,037 --> 00:46:01,857
The lunar eclipse, Morgana,
is less than a week away.
745
00:46:01,858 --> 00:46:05,078
When the moon is drained
of all its light.
746
00:46:10,938 --> 00:46:14,768
There's nothing you can do!
747
00:46:14,769 --> 00:46:17,568
You're dead, and I'm not!
748
00:46:33,812 --> 00:46:35,240
Oh, there you are.
749
00:46:35,241 --> 00:46:37,991
I have been looking all
over for you guys.
750
00:46:37,992 --> 00:46:40,321
You are not going to
believe the good news.
751
00:46:40,322 --> 00:46:43,610
Yours truly is hosting a
special midnight screening
752
00:46:43,611 --> 00:46:47,873
at Bob's Theater of one of
the worst movies ever made.
753
00:46:47,874 --> 00:46:50,522
I mean, it is bad.
754
00:46:50,523 --> 00:46:53,123
You know, like bad as in bad.
755
00:46:53,124 --> 00:46:57,213
Like, I'm bad, Jamal, you know it.
756
00:46:57,214 --> 00:46:59,003
Hey, what is this?
757
00:46:59,004 --> 00:47:00,934
The Invasion of the Body Snatchers?
758
00:47:00,935 --> 00:47:02,643
Two days ago, we
were bosom buddies.
759
00:47:02,644 --> 00:47:03,895
It's the principal.
760
00:47:03,896 --> 00:47:05,574
You're darn right,
it's a principle.
761
00:47:05,575 --> 00:47:07,084
Friends ought a stick together.
762
00:47:07,085 --> 00:47:08,095
No.
763
00:47:08,096 --> 00:47:09,334
I mean the principal, Mr. Cobb.
764
00:47:09,361 --> 00:47:12,255
He'd kill us if we
went to your show.
765
00:47:12,256 --> 00:47:13,735
Not to mention our parents.
766
00:47:13,736 --> 00:47:15,035
Kill your parents, too?
767
00:47:15,036 --> 00:47:15,737
No.
768
00:47:15,738 --> 00:47:20,116
Our parents would never let
us stay out that late.
769
00:47:20,117 --> 00:47:20,817
Oh.
770
00:47:20,818 --> 00:47:23,156
I see.
771
00:47:23,157 --> 00:47:25,456
Well, the last thing I want to do
772
00:47:25,457 --> 00:47:27,576
is get you guys in any trouble.
773
00:47:27,577 --> 00:47:32,778
I mean, so what if it blows my
only chance at making a living?
774
00:47:32,779 --> 00:47:35,467
That's not your problem.
775
00:47:35,468 --> 00:47:39,759
And if I get so depressed I wind up
776
00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:42,578
hanging myself in the oven, hey!
777
00:47:42,579 --> 00:47:44,530
Those are the breaks.
778
00:47:47,449 --> 00:47:49,800
And if they ever ask
about me, tell them
779
00:47:49,801 --> 00:47:51,680
I was more than just a
great set of boobs.
780
00:47:51,681 --> 00:47:56,001
I was also an incredible
pair of legs.
781
00:47:56,002 --> 00:48:02,001
And tell them... tell them that
I never turned down a friend.
782
00:48:02,002 --> 00:48:05,221
That I never turned down a
stranger, for that matter.
783
00:48:05,222 --> 00:48:08,292
And tell them... tell them that
when all is said and done,
784
00:48:08,293 --> 00:48:11,142
I only ask that people remember
me by two simple words.
785
00:48:15,572 --> 00:48:18,502
Any two, as long as they're simple.
786
00:48:25,155 --> 00:48:27,994
We all decide to help
Elvira, what can Cobb do?
787
00:48:27,995 --> 00:48:31,064
He can expel us all.
788
00:48:31,065 --> 00:48:35,215
I don't know about the rest
of you, but I'll be there.
789
00:48:39,475 --> 00:48:40,475
Me too.
790
00:48:40,476 --> 00:48:43,285
Count on me.
791
00:48:43,286 --> 00:48:44,686
We're sorry, Elvira.
792
00:48:44,687 --> 00:48:48,626
We'll all come to your show.
793
00:48:48,627 --> 00:48:49,976
Great!
794
00:48:49,977 --> 00:48:52,017
12:00 sharp.
795
00:48:52,018 --> 00:48:53,497
Be there or be square.
796
00:48:56,448 --> 00:48:58,727
All right, 12:30, my old man's
out watching.
797
00:49:35,122 --> 00:49:36,122
Oof!
798
00:50:20,819 --> 00:50:22,307
Oh, that looks great!
799
00:50:22,308 --> 00:50:23,078
You really like it?
800
00:50:23,078 --> 00:50:23,779
Yeah!
801
00:50:23,780 --> 00:50:25,337
Elvira, where do you want this?
802
00:50:25,338 --> 00:50:26,748
Just right up there.
803
00:50:26,749 --> 00:50:27,449
OK.
804
00:50:27,450 --> 00:50:28,789
What's the bucket for?
805
00:50:28,790 --> 00:50:31,378
I tell you, oh, it's so cool!
806
00:50:31,379 --> 00:50:33,628
This is the part that I
ripped off... uh, I mean,
807
00:50:33,629 --> 00:50:36,049
that was inspired by Flashdance.
808
00:50:36,050 --> 00:50:41,140
I reach up, I pull this
rope, and my entire body
809
00:50:41,141 --> 00:50:43,309
is covered in gold glitter!
810
00:50:43,310 --> 00:50:44,241
Could you die?
811
00:50:44,242 --> 00:50:45,540
Oh, all right.
812
00:50:45,541 --> 00:50:46,859
Oh, God, I'm telling you, that's
813
00:50:46,886 --> 00:50:48,606
a guaranteed standing ovulation.
814
00:51:17,095 --> 00:51:19,574
You're late.
815
00:51:19,575 --> 00:51:23,064
Where t guy gets pureed!
816
00:51:23,065 --> 00:51:24,135
Don't worry.
817
00:51:24,136 --> 00:51:24,836
They're Italian.
818
00:51:24,837 --> 00:51:26,675
They'll wind up making a
great marinara sauce.
819
00:51:33,757 --> 00:51:34,756
Ronnie?
820
00:51:37,457 --> 00:51:40,947
Is that you?
821
00:51:40,948 --> 00:51:42,446
Man.
822
00:51:42,447 --> 00:51:45,937
Oh, this is where the heroine
gets grabbed by the tomatoes!
823
00:51:45,938 --> 00:51:46,938
I can't look!
824
00:52:14,381 --> 00:52:17,181
Oh, boy, this ending's
so bad the tomatoes ought
825
00:52:17,182 --> 00:52:22,651
to start throwing rotten
people at the screen.
826
00:52:31,624 --> 00:52:34,612
OK, don't anybody move, because
the best is yet to come.
827
00:52:34,613 --> 00:52:40,583
Ladies and dobermans, it's
time for the grand finale!
828
00:53:46,832 --> 00:53:48,122
Patty!
829
00:53:48,123 --> 00:53:49,122
Ugh!
830
00:53:56,794 --> 00:54:01,183
I have never been so
humiliated in my entire life!
831
00:54:01,184 --> 00:54:05,214
Just wait until I get
my hands on that Patty.
832
00:54:05,215 --> 00:54:08,254
I'm going to rip every single
bleach blond e hair out
833
00:54:08,255 --> 00:54:10,294
of her scalp, gouge
out her eyeballs,
834
00:54:10,295 --> 00:54:13,045
and use her head for
a bowling ball!
835
00:54:13,046 --> 00:54:16,685
I'm telling you, they are
not gonna get away with it!
836
00:54:16,686 --> 00:54:19,376
That barf bag Chastity
blacklisting me out of a job,
837
00:54:19,377 --> 00:54:22,095
and that sleazeoid of a
high school principal
838
00:54:22,096 --> 00:54:24,136
turning all the kids against me!
839
00:54:24,137 --> 00:54:27,357
And that bench sniffing
real estate letch,
840
00:54:27,358 --> 00:54:30,166
trying to get his
commission in the sack!
841
00:54:30,167 --> 00:54:31,897
I'll get even with
every one of them
842
00:54:31,898 --> 00:54:33,468
if it's the last thing I do!
843
00:54:40,779 --> 00:54:42,828
What's that perfume
you're wearing?
844
00:54:42,829 --> 00:54:43,979
Super unleaded.
845
00:54:43,980 --> 00:54:44,979
Don't smoke.
846
00:54:51,981 --> 00:54:55,069
Well, here's to my big opening.
847
00:54:55,070 --> 00:54:58,510
I mean... oh, forget it.
848
00:55:05,812 --> 00:55:07,771
Uh, don't you kids think
it's past your bedtime?
849
00:55:07,772 --> 00:55:08,472
Oh, heck no.
850
00:55:08,473 --> 00:55:10,731
I'm not tired... ouch!
851
00:55:10,732 --> 00:55:14,002
It is getting awfully late.
852
00:55:14,003 --> 00:55:14,702
Yeah.
853
00:55:14,703 --> 00:55:16,702
We'd better be going.
854
00:55:16,703 --> 00:55:18,443
Yep, well, see you dudes tomorrow.
855
00:55:54,027 --> 00:55:55,027
Ow!
856
00:55:58,707 --> 00:56:00,748
There's the darn recipe book.
857
00:56:00,749 --> 00:56:02,397
How'd it get under there?
858
00:56:08,249 --> 00:56:09,988
Oh, that reminds me, I'm starving.
859
00:56:09,989 --> 00:56:13,388
Mm, me too.
860
00:56:13,389 --> 00:56:15,239
Uh, let's go get something to eat.
861
00:56:15,240 --> 00:56:17,398
There's an all night truck
stop out on the interstate.
862
00:56:17,425 --> 00:56:19,390
No no no no no no no, Bob.
863
00:56:19,391 --> 00:56:21,469
I've got a better idea.
864
00:56:21,470 --> 00:56:24,700
Why don't you set the table while I
865
00:56:24,701 --> 00:56:26,710
see what I can whip
up in the kitchen?
866
00:56:33,812 --> 00:56:36,042
My aunt sure had lousy penmanship.
867
00:56:36,043 --> 00:56:39,422
I can't read a word of this stuff.
868
00:56:39,423 --> 00:56:40,941
Looks like it was
written in some kind
869
00:56:40,968 --> 00:56:44,773
of foreign language or something.
870
00:56:44,774 --> 00:56:46,743
Hey, wait, look at this.
871
00:56:46,744 --> 00:56:49,413
Adraka Kozerol.
872
00:56:49,414 --> 00:56:51,074
Kozerol.
873
00:56:51,075 --> 00:56:52,224
Oh, casserole!
874
00:56:52,225 --> 00:56:54,103
Hm, that sounds good.
875
00:56:54,104 --> 00:56:54,805
OK, let's see.
876
00:56:54,806 --> 00:56:56,224
What does it say here?
877
00:56:56,225 --> 00:56:57,224
One edreziba.
878
00:56:59,317 --> 00:57:00,315
Huh.
879
00:57:00,316 --> 00:57:02,425
Wonder where she keeps the
edreziba around here.
880
00:57:09,837 --> 00:57:13,896
Whoa, this is some spice rack.
881
00:57:13,897 --> 00:57:15,496
Tramazul.
882
00:57:15,497 --> 00:57:18,236
Columbra, corder ox.
883
00:57:18,237 --> 00:57:20,477
Ah, here it is.
884
00:57:20,478 --> 00:57:21,476
Edreziba.
885
00:57:28,319 --> 00:57:29,318
One edreziba.
886
00:57:35,120 --> 00:57:36,509
OK, one half of a lemgra.
887
00:57:40,680 --> 00:57:43,760
Ugh, looks like the
lemgra went bad.
888
00:57:43,761 --> 00:57:47,270
I don't know, it says it's
good until June of next year.
889
00:57:47,271 --> 00:57:48,051
What the heck?
890
00:57:48,052 --> 00:57:50,850
I got a cast iron stomach.
891
00:57:50,851 --> 00:57:52,460
OK then, let's see.
892
00:57:52,461 --> 00:57:54,310
Two to three golitra.
893
00:57:54,311 --> 00:57:55,311
Golitra.
894
00:57:57,732 --> 00:57:58,731
Uh, let's see.
895
00:57:58,731 --> 00:57:59,731
One corder ox.
896
00:58:10,674 --> 00:58:11,674
Mm.
897
00:58:11,675 --> 00:58:13,532
Doesn't smell too bad.
898
00:58:13,533 --> 00:58:16,165
But it looks like ca ca doo doo.
899
00:58:42,558 --> 00:58:43,558
There.
900
00:58:43,559 --> 00:58:44,768
That's much better.
901
00:58:51,999 --> 00:58:52,998
It's soup!
902
00:58:58,149 --> 00:58:59,449
Mm, smells great.
903
00:58:59,450 --> 00:59:00,150
What is it?
904
00:59:00,151 --> 00:59:03,539
Oh, it's just a little
something I conjured up.
905
00:59:03,540 --> 00:59:04,539
Oh.
906
00:59:07,440 --> 00:59:09,679
Allow me.
907
00:59:09,680 --> 00:59:11,541
Thank you ever so much.
908
00:59:14,331 --> 00:59:19,211
Well, I hope you're hungry,
'cause here's dinner.
909
00:59:59,887 --> 01:00:02,867
The switch, Bob, the switch!
910
01:00:18,248 --> 01:00:21,288
First time I was ever an
appetizer for the main course.
911
01:00:21,289 --> 01:00:22,667
Where'd you learn how to cook?
912
01:00:22,668 --> 01:00:23,639
I didn't.
913
01:00:23,640 --> 01:00:26,009
I just followed the directions
in my aunt's... Gonk,
914
01:00:26,010 --> 01:00:27,289
what are you doing?
915
01:00:27,290 --> 01:00:28,550
Give me that cookbook!
916
01:00:33,531 --> 01:00:35,680
Gonk!
917
01:00:35,681 --> 01:00:37,460
Gonk, you get back here right now,
918
01:00:37,461 --> 01:00:40,490
or you are grounded for one week!
919
01:00:40,491 --> 01:00:42,861
Gonk!
920
01:00:42,862 --> 01:00:44,351
Gonk, come here.
921
01:00:49,322 --> 01:00:50,322
Deja vu.
922
01:00:59,763 --> 01:01:01,253
Wow.
923
01:01:01,254 --> 01:01:03,243
Gonk?
924
01:01:03,244 --> 01:01:05,234
Gonk, are you in here?
925
01:01:11,196 --> 01:01:16,664
Gonk, you are a very bad, bad dog.
926
01:01:16,665 --> 01:01:19,755
Oh, yuck, you slobbered
all over it.
927
01:01:22,575 --> 01:01:25,615
Now what do you want?
928
01:01:29,777 --> 01:01:31,377
I think he wants you
to open the trunk.
929
01:01:31,404 --> 01:01:34,013
Well, why didn't you just say so?
930
01:01:40,768 --> 01:01:43,569
Wow, look at all this cool junk!
931
01:01:46,210 --> 01:01:47,210
This could be you, Gonk.
932
01:01:50,049 --> 01:01:50,750
Ew.
933
01:01:50,751 --> 01:01:52,480
I think I used to go
out with this guy.
934
01:01:58,851 --> 01:02:00,811
Take a look at this.
935
01:02:03,761 --> 01:02:05,360
Think it's for me?
936
01:02:05,361 --> 01:02:06,091
Go ahead.
937
01:02:06,092 --> 01:02:07,431
Open it.
938
01:02:07,432 --> 01:02:09,042
Mm, you open it.
939
01:02:14,873 --> 01:02:17,541
Dearest Elvira, for
all these years,
940
01:02:17,542 --> 01:02:19,412
I protected you from the truth.
941
01:02:19,413 --> 01:02:22,983
But the time has now come
when your only protection
942
01:02:22,984 --> 01:02:24,913
is the truth.
943
01:02:24,914 --> 01:02:26,432
Say what?
944
01:02:26,433 --> 01:02:29,273
Let me see this.
945
01:02:29,274 --> 01:02:34,143
Your mother, Devana, was
an extraordinary woman.
946
01:02:34,144 --> 01:02:36,154
She was the true
mistress of the dark.
947
01:02:36,155 --> 01:02:38,835
But her power did not
go unchallenged.
948
01:02:38,836 --> 01:02:41,734
For 300 years, your Great.
949
01:02:41,735 --> 01:02:44,405
Uncle Vincent coveted her dominion.
950
01:02:44,406 --> 01:02:47,207
You 300?
951
01:02:47,208 --> 01:02:50,926
God, I hope I look that
good when I'm that old.
952
01:02:50,927 --> 01:02:53,316
He would have
destroyed you as he did her,
953
01:02:53,317 --> 01:02:55,027
had I not sent you away.
954
01:02:55,028 --> 01:02:58,076
I left you with all the power
you would need to protect
955
01:02:58,077 --> 01:03:00,807
yourself, and entrusted
you to my loyal familiar.
956
01:03:00,808 --> 01:03:02,007
What's that about a familiar?
957
01:03:02,034 --> 01:03:05,367
Bob, haven't you ever seen
any old Roger Corman movies?
958
01:03:05,368 --> 01:03:06,377
Every witch has one.
959
01:03:06,378 --> 01:03:08,018
They're like a...
Like a pet that can
960
01:03:08,019 --> 01:03:09,138
change into almost anything.
961
01:03:09,139 --> 01:03:10,138
Where was I?
962
01:03:10,139 --> 01:03:10,910
Oh, yeah.
963
01:03:10,911 --> 01:03:15,319
Um, but it wasn't you alone
that I sought to protect.
964
01:03:15,320 --> 01:03:16,899
It was the book.
965
01:03:16,900 --> 01:03:20,239
It contained your mother's magic.
966
01:03:20,240 --> 01:03:22,009
Our enemy
is a formidable one.
967
01:03:22,010 --> 01:03:24,499
Protect the book,
Elvira, and above all,
968
01:03:24,500 --> 01:03:26,991
keep it from Vincent when the moon
969
01:03:26,992 --> 01:03:30,471
falls under the Earth's shadow.
970
01:03:30,472 --> 01:03:36,451
Remember, you carry
the power with you.
971
01:03:36,452 --> 01:03:39,442
Your loving aunt, Morgana.
972
01:03:39,443 --> 01:03:40,711
Too macabre.
973
01:03:40,712 --> 01:03:42,993
I mean, like, I knew
I was different,
974
01:03:42,994 --> 01:03:44,962
but I didn't think I was
quite that different.
975
01:03:44,963 --> 01:03:47,263
No wonder Vinnie had
such a spa z attack
976
01:03:47,264 --> 01:03:48,903
when I couldn't find the book!
977
01:03:48,904 --> 01:03:51,113
Yeah, and you heard
what your aunt said.
978
01:03:51,114 --> 01:03:52,463
He can't get his hands on it!
979
01:03:52,464 --> 01:03:54,203
No way he's getting it now.
980
01:03:54,204 --> 01:03:56,593
And here I am knocking myself out
981
01:03:56,594 --> 01:03:59,144
to make a living as a horror
hostess when I'm actually
982
01:03:59,145 --> 01:04:01,845
descended from, like, a major
metaphysical celebrity!
983
01:04:04,695 --> 01:04:06,796
All I have to do is just
find the right spell,
984
01:04:06,797 --> 01:04:09,895
and I can make the money
I need for Vegas!
985
01:04:09,896 --> 01:04:13,585
I mean really make the money.
986
01:04:13,586 --> 01:04:15,936
I don't think you should go
fooling with that book again.
987
01:04:15,937 --> 01:04:17,615
Look, look, Bob, here it is!
988
01:04:17,616 --> 01:04:19,496
Selsba Riki Moola!
989
01:04:19,497 --> 01:04:21,326
That's exactly what I need!
990
01:04:21,327 --> 01:04:22,487
Lots of moolah!
991
01:04:22,488 --> 01:04:23,977
OK, OK.
992
01:04:23,978 --> 01:04:26,346
Selsba Riki Moola Sheen.
993
01:04:26,347 --> 01:04:28,798
Hey, Elvira, I... I
don't think that...
994
01:04:33,578 --> 01:04:35,558
It's... it's working, Bob!
995
01:04:35,559 --> 01:04:36,558
It's working!
996
01:04:41,509 --> 01:04:43,499
Bob, are you still here?
997
01:04:43,500 --> 01:04:44,499
Right here.
998
01:04:50,942 --> 01:04:54,491
What is this?
999
01:04:54,492 --> 01:04:59,471
Oh, why Bob.
1000
01:04:59,472 --> 01:05:02,972
You know, Bob, I may
be wrong, but I
1001
01:05:02,973 --> 01:05:05,551
think that might have
been a love spell.
1002
01:05:05,552 --> 01:05:07,823
Really?
1003
01:05:07,824 --> 01:05:10,062
Oh, Bob.
1004
01:05:10,063 --> 01:05:13,053
Bob!
1005
01:05:23,515 --> 01:05:25,503
Hold me, Bob.
1006
01:05:25,504 --> 01:05:26,505
Hold me.
1007
01:05:52,398 --> 01:05:55,538
Oh, Chastity, the
picnic's a great success.
1008
01:05:55,539 --> 01:05:59,439
Yes, I think it's something
we can all be proud of me for.
1009
01:06:08,220 --> 01:06:11,150
Come and get it!
1010
01:06:11,151 --> 01:06:13,639
Oh, now, you children, you're
acting like wild animals!
1011
01:06:13,640 --> 01:06:17,820
Get to the end of the line, now.
1012
01:06:17,821 --> 01:06:19,251
It all looks so good.
1013
01:06:19,252 --> 01:06:23,461
I can't remember when
I've been this hungry.
1014
01:06:23,462 --> 01:06:27,263
Oh, Melody, I see you've made
your famous Tic-Tac pie.
1015
01:06:34,423 --> 01:06:35,843
Oh!
1016
01:06:35,844 --> 01:06:36,953
Bob, what are you doing?
1017
01:06:36,954 --> 01:06:38,433
You scared the hell out of me.
1018
01:06:38,434 --> 01:06:40,153
What's going on?
1019
01:06:40,154 --> 01:06:42,793
Let's just say I'm
settling the score.
1020
01:06:42,794 --> 01:06:44,363
Oh, no.
1021
01:06:44,364 --> 01:06:47,114
Well, it is a potluck.
1022
01:06:47,115 --> 01:06:48,713
And believe me, when
they open that pot,
1023
01:06:48,740 --> 01:06:52,624
they're going to need all
the luck they can get.
1024
01:06:52,625 --> 01:06:55,754
Oh, I don't believe
I've had any of this.
1025
01:06:55,755 --> 01:06:58,106
Revenge is better than Christmas.
1026
01:07:04,328 --> 01:07:05,327
I don't get it.
1027
01:07:05,327 --> 01:07:07,156
What happened?
1028
01:07:07,157 --> 01:07:08,927
Looks like some sort of casserole.
1029
01:07:13,008 --> 01:07:14,317
Mm.
1030
01:07:14,318 --> 01:07:15,019
Mm!
1031
01:07:15,020 --> 01:07:16,857
This is marvelous.
1032
01:07:16,858 --> 01:07:18,028
I must get this recipe.
1033
01:07:24,880 --> 01:07:25,879
Oh, shoot!
1034
01:07:25,880 --> 01:07:27,929
Must have screwed it
up when I substituted
1035
01:07:27,930 --> 01:07:31,429
the falengra with some
Hamburger Helper.
1036
01:07:31,430 --> 01:07:32,180
Oh, yes.
1037
01:07:32,181 --> 01:07:34,079
Thank you for my drink.
1038
01:07:34,080 --> 01:07:37,050
There.
1039
01:07:37,051 --> 01:07:38,049
Ah, oh.
1040
01:07:42,992 --> 01:07:45,760
Mm!
1041
01:07:45,761 --> 01:07:46,761
Mmm.
1042
01:07:58,834 --> 01:08:03,084
I feel a little odd.
1043
01:08:06,054 --> 01:08:08,533
Suddenly it's very warm.
1044
01:08:20,116 --> 01:08:21,325
Remind you of anything?
1045
01:08:24,576 --> 01:08:26,407
Remind you of anything?
1046
01:08:32,317 --> 01:08:33,795
Give me that!
1047
01:08:33,796 --> 01:08:34,796
It's mine!
1048
01:08:46,479 --> 01:08:49,269
Oh boy, am I a horn dog.
1049
01:08:56,820 --> 01:08:57,819
Excuse me.
1050
01:08:57,820 --> 01:08:59,810
Is this face taken?
1051
01:09:17,172 --> 01:09:18,662
Come on, stud.
1052
01:09:18,663 --> 01:09:19,661
Let's boogie!
1053
01:09:29,074 --> 01:09:31,554
Hey, Leslie, let's mambo.
1054
01:09:47,926 --> 01:09:50,336
That's an interesting dish.
1055
01:09:50,337 --> 01:09:53,036
Where did you learn how to make it?
1056
01:09:53,037 --> 01:09:57,346
Oh, it's just an
old family recipe.
1057
01:09:57,347 --> 01:09:58,656
All right.
1058
01:09:58,657 --> 01:10:02,747
I'll give you $500 for the book.
1059
01:10:02,748 --> 01:10:05,307
What, do I look like I just
fell off the tuna truck?
1060
01:10:05,308 --> 01:10:07,158
The deal's off, uncle!
1061
01:10:07,159 --> 01:10:10,008
You think you're pretty
clever, don't you?
1062
01:10:10,009 --> 01:10:15,010
Well, mark my words, I'll get
you, and your little dog, too!
1063
01:10:20,430 --> 01:10:21,429
Help.
1064
01:10:27,001 --> 01:10:28,950
No!
1065
01:10:28,951 --> 01:10:31,180
Oh, you again.
1066
01:10:31,181 --> 01:10:34,651
Do you always wear the same dress?
1067
01:10:34,652 --> 01:10:39,271
No, sometimes I like to wear
something low cut and sexy.
1068
01:10:39,272 --> 01:10:42,383
Well, I guess in your business,
it pays to advertise.
1069
01:10:45,302 --> 01:10:46,592
Come here, Bob.
1070
01:10:46,593 --> 01:10:51,163
Let me show you how a
real woman does it.
1071
01:10:51,164 --> 01:10:52,164
Excuse me.
1072
01:11:06,635 --> 01:11:07,855
You all saw it!
1073
01:11:07,856 --> 01:11:09,794
He attacked me in broad daylight,
1074
01:11:09,795 --> 01:11:11,435
and he had his way with me!
1075
01:11:11,436 --> 01:11:12,136
Me?
1076
01:11:12,137 --> 01:11:14,386
I barely got away with my life!
1077
01:11:14,387 --> 01:11:17,315
You could have worn out
a mechanical bull!
1078
01:11:17,316 --> 01:11:19,785
Ooh, you're not going
to get away with this,
1079
01:11:19,786 --> 01:11:21,456
you sex addled maniac!
1080
01:11:21,457 --> 01:11:23,997
I demand that the council
remove this pervert!
1081
01:11:23,998 --> 01:11:27,437
I never laid a hand on
those sheep, so help me!
1082
01:11:27,438 --> 01:11:29,217
Calvin was the one
who was painting
1083
01:11:29,218 --> 01:11:30,617
everybody with apple butter!
1084
01:11:30,618 --> 01:11:32,039
I was just an innocent on licker.
1085
01:11:36,149 --> 01:11:37,148
Silence!
1086
01:11:40,289 --> 01:11:43,628
Don't you see?
1087
01:11:43,629 --> 01:11:47,829
You're playing right
into her hands.
1088
01:11:47,830 --> 01:11:51,420
It's Elvira who is
responsible for all this.
1089
01:11:51,421 --> 01:11:52,609
Of course.
1090
01:11:52,610 --> 01:11:54,449
I should have known it
was that little harlot.
1091
01:11:54,476 --> 01:11:58,491
We ought to ride her out
of town on a big fat rail.
1092
01:11:58,492 --> 01:12:01,161
She might enjoy that too much.
1093
01:12:01,162 --> 01:12:03,013
There is a much more
satisfactory solution.
1094
01:12:05,913 --> 01:12:08,892
We can have her arrested.
1095
01:12:08,893 --> 01:12:09,622
Arrested?
1096
01:12:09,623 --> 01:12:11,212
On what charges?
1097
01:12:11,213 --> 01:12:14,373
It so happens that there
is a law on the books that
1098
01:12:14,374 --> 01:12:17,172
dates back to the Salem trials.
1099
01:12:17,173 --> 01:12:21,363
It specifically forbids, and
I quote, "any towns person"
1100
01:12:21,364 --> 01:12:25,543
from practicing the ancient
arts of spell casting,
1101
01:12:25,544 --> 01:12:32,434
"demonology, alchemy,
and conjuration."
1102
01:12:32,435 --> 01:12:38,786
The charge, my fellow council
members, is witchcraft.
1103
01:12:43,737 --> 01:12:46,716
Let me out of here!
1104
01:12:46,717 --> 01:12:48,446
Pipe down in there!
1105
01:12:48,447 --> 01:12:49,997
Hey, I've seen The People's Court.
1106
01:12:49,998 --> 01:12:53,686
I'm entitled to one phone
call and a strip search!
1107
01:12:53,687 --> 01:12:56,008
Well, there's a pay phone
right across the street.
1108
01:12:56,009 --> 01:12:56,998
What's the matter?
1109
01:12:56,999 --> 01:12:59,048
You forget where you
put your broom?
1110
01:12:59,049 --> 01:13:01,337
Listen, fatso, if I had a broom,
1111
01:13:01,338 --> 01:13:03,100
I know exactly where I'd put it.
1112
01:13:06,340 --> 01:13:07,528
Oh, this is swell.
1113
01:13:07,529 --> 01:13:09,069
I can just hear Manny now.
1114
01:13:09,070 --> 01:13:09,770
Hello, Vegas?
1115
01:13:09,771 --> 01:13:12,429
We got a slight crimp in
the plans for the show.
1116
01:13:12,430 --> 01:13:15,599
Yeah, the star was
burned at the stake.
1117
01:13:15,600 --> 01:13:16,910
Elvira!
1118
01:13:16,911 --> 01:13:17,610
Great news!
1119
01:13:17,611 --> 01:13:19,420
I got you the best
lawyer in the county.
1120
01:13:19,421 --> 01:13:22,051
He'll be here first
thing in the morning.
1121
01:13:22,052 --> 01:13:22,992
Bob, in the morning?
1122
01:13:22,993 --> 01:13:26,291
First thing in the morning, I'll
be able to fit in an ashtray!
1123
01:13:26,292 --> 01:13:28,740
You've gotta get me out of here!
1124
01:13:28,741 --> 01:13:30,432
But how?
1125
01:13:30,433 --> 01:13:31,133
The book!
1126
01:13:31,134 --> 01:13:32,621
It's my only chance.
1127
01:13:32,622 --> 01:13:34,021
Quick, run to the house and get it!
1128
01:13:34,048 --> 01:13:34,603
OK.
1129
01:13:34,604 --> 01:13:37,661
Oh, but Bob, wait!
1130
01:13:37,662 --> 01:13:38,852
What?
1131
01:13:38,853 --> 01:13:41,382
I hid it under the floorboard
in the living room.
1132
01:13:41,383 --> 01:13:42,823
OK.
1133
01:13:42,824 --> 01:13:45,263
Oh, Woo Bob!
1134
01:13:45,264 --> 01:13:46,215
What?
1135
01:13:46,215 --> 01:13:47,214
Hurry!
1136
01:13:53,524 --> 01:13:55,484
Stay low!
1137
01:13:55,485 --> 01:13:56,966
Keep down low!
1138
01:14:09,057 --> 01:14:10,057
Now.
1139
01:14:16,158 --> 01:14:17,088
What are you whining about?
1140
01:14:17,089 --> 01:14:19,507
I'm the one getting barbecued.
1141
01:14:27,669 --> 01:14:28,369
Oh.
1142
01:14:28,369 --> 01:14:29,368
Sorry.
1143
01:14:47,551 --> 01:14:49,031
At last, it's mine.
1144
01:14:49,032 --> 01:14:51,682
The power is mine!
1145
01:15:01,582 --> 01:15:03,562
Gonk, don't have a conniption fit.
1146
01:15:14,446 --> 01:15:15,445
Whoa.
1147
01:15:15,446 --> 01:15:18,544
Must've took too much
antacid in the '60s.
1148
01:15:18,545 --> 01:15:22,804
Two, four, six, eight,
who do we incinerate?
1149
01:15:22,805 --> 01:15:26,285
Elvira!
1150
01:15:38,568 --> 01:15:40,097
Thank goodness, padre!
1151
01:15:40,098 --> 01:15:42,497
I am here to save you, my child.
1152
01:15:42,498 --> 01:15:47,138
At last, someone to talk
some sense into these people.
1153
01:15:47,139 --> 01:15:51,928
God, save this wretched
creature's soul,
1154
01:15:51,929 --> 01:15:57,730
even though her creamy white
flesh will burn and sizzle.
1155
01:16:07,011 --> 01:16:08,191
Well, isn't that convenient?
1156
01:16:13,151 --> 01:16:15,830
Thanks for trying, you guys.
1157
01:16:15,831 --> 01:16:16,830
Elvira!
1158
01:16:32,794 --> 01:16:33,794
Gonk?
1159
01:16:33,795 --> 01:16:38,224
Is that you, boy?
1160
01:16:45,145 --> 01:16:46,325
Good work, Gonk.
1161
01:16:46,326 --> 01:16:51,176
Burn the witch!
1162
01:16:51,177 --> 01:16:53,115
Do you smoke?
1163
01:16:53,116 --> 01:16:56,056
I guess we'll find
out soon enough.
1164
01:16:56,057 --> 01:17:11,999
Burn the witch!
1165
01:17:16,979 --> 01:17:19,468
Oh no, you're not
gonna believe this.
1166
01:17:19,469 --> 01:17:20,959
I left my oven on.
1167
01:17:20,960 --> 01:17:23,748
I'll just be a minute.
1168
01:17:23,749 --> 01:17:29,229
Burn the witch!
1169
01:17:33,912 --> 01:17:36,400
Any last words?
1170
01:17:36,401 --> 01:17:37,901
Just one.
1171
01:17:37,902 --> 01:17:40,391
Help!
1172
01:17:40,392 --> 01:17:46,363
Burn the witch!
1173
01:17:46,364 --> 01:17:47,363
Hold it!
1174
01:17:47,363 --> 01:17:48,353
Hold it down!
1175
01:17:48,354 --> 01:17:49,853
Quiet, quiet there!
1176
01:17:53,333 --> 01:17:57,723
And now, by the power vested
in me by the sovereign state
1177
01:17:57,724 --> 01:18:00,113
of Massachusetts, I
do hereby pronounce
1178
01:18:00,114 --> 01:18:04,363
sentence on Elvira the prisoner!
1179
01:18:04,364 --> 01:18:05,815
Death by fire!
1180
01:18:09,215 --> 01:18:11,844
Hold it, Sheriff.
1181
01:18:11,845 --> 01:18:14,545
What you're doing is wrong.
1182
01:18:14,546 --> 01:18:15,356
Patty?
1183
01:18:15,357 --> 01:18:20,046
It'll catch faster if you
light it in several places.
1184
01:18:20,047 --> 01:18:21,047
Patty, no!
1185
01:18:24,047 --> 01:18:27,546
We ought to have one
of these every year.
1186
01:18:27,547 --> 01:18:30,047
Burn in hell, witch!
1187
01:18:30,048 --> 01:18:31,547
Patty!
1188
01:18:31,548 --> 01:18:37,848
Burn the witch!
1189
01:18:44,050 --> 01:18:46,049
Burn her!
1190
01:18:46,050 --> 01:18:47,549
Bye, kids.
1191
01:18:47,550 --> 01:18:49,549
It's been swell.
1192
01:18:49,550 --> 01:18:53,049
Just send my ashes to Las Vegas.
1193
01:18:53,050 --> 01:18:56,549
Let me through!
1194
01:18:56,550 --> 01:18:57,351
Elvira!
1195
01:18:57,351 --> 01:18:58,350
Bob!
1196
01:19:04,052 --> 01:19:05,351
Hi, Bob.
1197
01:19:05,352 --> 01:19:06,053
Patty!
1198
01:19:06,054 --> 01:19:09,552
You're not a very nice person.
1199
01:19:09,553 --> 01:19:13,553
Burn the witch!
1200
01:19:17,853 --> 01:19:18,852
Gonk?
1201
01:19:24,554 --> 01:19:29,055
Remember,
you carry the power with you.
1202
01:19:33,556 --> 01:19:34,554
The ring!
1203
01:20:11,559 --> 01:20:13,060
Are you all right?
1204
01:20:22,561 --> 01:20:23,790
Look.
1205
01:20:23,791 --> 01:20:27,211
The lunar eclipse.
1206
01:20:27,212 --> 01:20:27,912
Remember?
1207
01:20:27,913 --> 01:20:29,331
Your aunt's letter.
1208
01:20:29,332 --> 01:20:32,770
When the moon falls under
the Earth's shadow.
1209
01:20:32,771 --> 01:20:34,062
Yeah, so?
1210
01:20:34,063 --> 01:20:35,722
Vincent's got the book!
1211
01:20:47,494 --> 01:20:48,493
Elvira!
1212
01:20:51,995 --> 01:20:52,994
Elvira!
1213
01:20:55,186 --> 01:20:56,185
Gonk!
1214
01:20:56,185 --> 01:20:57,175
Where's Gonk?
1215
01:21:00,175 --> 01:21:02,176
Oh, you tricky little devil.
1216
01:21:06,666 --> 01:21:08,655
Oh!
1217
01:21:08,656 --> 01:21:09,656
Vincent!
1218
01:21:09,657 --> 01:21:11,186
Remember us?
1219
01:21:11,187 --> 01:21:13,616
We're on your side.
1220
01:21:13,617 --> 01:21:14,616
Swine.
1221
01:21:28,199 --> 01:21:29,199
Stay back.
1222
01:21:38,121 --> 01:21:40,109
Sic 'em, Gonk!
1223
01:21:51,022 --> 01:21:52,671
Don't make me use this!
1224
01:21:58,383 --> 01:22:00,142
The amulet could not
protect your mother,
1225
01:22:00,143 --> 01:22:03,462
and it won't save you.
1226
01:22:03,463 --> 01:22:05,673
Kaldozar Ipsulay!
1227
01:22:10,945 --> 01:22:11,944
Huh.
1228
01:22:11,945 --> 01:22:13,603
So you want to play rough eh?
1229
01:22:13,604 --> 01:22:15,105
Well, take this!
1230
01:22:19,905 --> 01:22:20,904
Huh?
1231
01:22:20,904 --> 01:22:21,904
What?
1232
01:22:44,607 --> 01:22:47,307
You cannot escape me,
daughter of Devana.
1233
01:22:47,308 --> 01:22:52,487
I shall destroy you as I did her.
1234
01:23:01,250 --> 01:23:03,089
You looking for me?
1235
01:23:10,511 --> 01:23:15,320
Did you think you could
stop me with your toys?
1236
01:23:15,321 --> 01:23:17,271
No, but I figured it
would be worth a shot.
1237
01:23:17,272 --> 01:23:18,271
Look!
1238
01:24:05,687 --> 01:24:08,168
Kozar Kara Ocktar!
1239
01:24:11,648 --> 01:24:13,529
Sure, that's easy for you to say.
1240
01:24:42,022 --> 01:24:43,021
That hurt!
1241
01:24:51,193 --> 01:24:52,192
Now, baby.
1242
01:24:56,593 --> 01:24:58,573
Hey.
1243
01:24:58,574 --> 01:25:03,163
We have a little
unfinished business.
1244
01:25:03,164 --> 01:25:06,304
Yeah, well, uh, I think
we can do business.
1245
01:25:06,305 --> 01:25:09,724
Uh, yeah, sure, I can dig it.
1246
01:25:09,725 --> 01:25:11,764
Uh, I'm cool, bro.
1247
01:25:11,765 --> 01:25:14,914
Know what it is, where it's at.
1248
01:25:14,915 --> 01:25:16,764
I'll show you where it's at.
1249
01:25:58,231 --> 01:26:03,750
I am master of the dark!
1250
01:26:03,751 --> 01:26:06,412
I'll see you in hell first!
1251
01:26:52,337 --> 01:26:55,238
And now, Elvira, you die!
1252
01:27:28,611 --> 01:27:32,092
Remember,
you carry the power with you.
1253
01:27:53,515 --> 01:27:58,014
So what did the
insurance guys say?
1254
01:27:58,015 --> 01:27:59,864
My policy doesn't
cover acts of demons.
1255
01:28:03,136 --> 01:28:05,825
Well, at least you've
still got the ring.
1256
01:28:05,826 --> 01:28:07,985
Yeah, but the only thing I
can get it to do anymore
1257
01:28:07,986 --> 01:28:08,986
is look cheap.
1258
01:28:13,067 --> 01:28:14,336
Gosh, Elvira, I'm sorry.
1259
01:28:14,337 --> 01:28:19,186
I know you had your heart
set on playing Las Vegas.
1260
01:28:19,187 --> 01:28:23,746
I'm just not the kind of
girl whose dreams come true.
1261
01:28:23,747 --> 01:28:25,039
I do better on nightmares.
1262
01:28:30,229 --> 01:28:34,199
I wish there was
something I could do.
1263
01:28:34,200 --> 01:28:35,848
Yeah, don't worry about me, Bob.
1264
01:28:35,849 --> 01:28:37,189
I'm like fake fruit.
1265
01:28:37,190 --> 01:28:38,689
I don't bruise that easy.
1266
01:28:45,422 --> 01:28:46,421
Uh-oh.
1267
01:28:46,422 --> 01:28:48,349
Here comes the lynch mob.
1268
01:28:48,350 --> 01:28:50,530
Hey, take it easy, take
it easy, I'm leaving.
1269
01:28:50,531 --> 01:28:51,630
We don't want you to go.
1270
01:28:51,631 --> 01:28:52,331
No, no.
1271
01:28:52,332 --> 01:28:55,981
This is our way of saying
we were wrong about you,
1272
01:28:55,982 --> 01:28:57,321
and we're sorry.
1273
01:28:57,322 --> 01:28:58,721
Elvira, you're the best thing that
1274
01:28:58,748 --> 01:29:00,531
ever happened to this town.
1275
01:29:00,532 --> 01:29:03,471
You touched a part of my
son that... that nobody's
1276
01:29:03,472 --> 01:29:04,332
ever touched before.
1277
01:29:04,333 --> 01:29:06,562
I wish.
1278
01:29:06,563 --> 01:29:08,962
As long as you're
in Fallwell, you'll
1279
01:29:08,963 --> 01:29:11,322
always have a free
room at the Cozy Cot.
1280
01:29:11,323 --> 01:29:14,303
Aww.
1281
01:29:14,304 --> 01:29:16,723
Wait just a minute, Leslie!
1282
01:29:16,724 --> 01:29:20,594
Shut up, you old bag!
1283
01:29:25,346 --> 01:29:28,464
Well, I finally got it running.
1284
01:29:28,465 --> 01:29:30,455
Great!
1285
01:29:30,456 --> 01:29:33,986
At least now I'll
have a place to live.
1286
01:29:33,987 --> 01:29:36,064
But I still don't know how
I'm gonna pay you for it.
1287
01:29:36,091 --> 01:29:36,737
Don't worry.
1288
01:29:36,738 --> 01:29:39,126
We'll work out something.
1289
01:29:39,127 --> 01:29:42,047
Elvira.
1290
01:29:42,048 --> 01:29:47,676
I'm, uh, sorry that I set
you on fire and everything.
1291
01:29:47,677 --> 01:29:50,507
And, uh, I hope there
are no hard feelings.
1292
01:29:50,508 --> 01:29:52,067
Don't worry.
1293
01:29:52,068 --> 01:29:54,198
She's bigger than that.
1294
01:29:54,199 --> 01:29:54,898
Yeah.
1295
01:29:54,899 --> 01:29:56,377
A lot bigger.
1296
01:29:58,199 --> 01:30:00,278
Elvira, I've got
some important papers
1297
01:30:00,279 --> 01:30:02,079
that you're gonna have to sign.
1298
01:30:02,080 --> 01:30:06,219
With your uncle gone, you're
the only heir to his estate.
1299
01:30:06,220 --> 01:30:07,070
I am?
1300
01:30:07,071 --> 01:30:10,440
Not an inconsiderable
one, at that.
1301
01:30:10,441 --> 01:30:12,299
Las Vegas!
1302
01:30:12,300 --> 01:30:14,570
Elvira, that's fantastic!
1303
01:30:14,571 --> 01:30:20,001
Las Vegas!
1304
01:30:24,922 --> 01:30:28,271
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Flaming Hotel
1305
01:30:28,272 --> 01:30:34,542
is proud to present the
Mistress of the Dark, Elvira!
1306
01:30:34,543 --> 01:30:38,623
I've always
dreamed of doing this,
1307
01:30:38,624 --> 01:30:44,024
and now I've got my chance.
1308
01:30:44,025 --> 01:30:50,484
So excuse me while I indulge
myself in a little song
1309
01:30:50,485 --> 01:30:51,485
and dance.
1310
01:31:14,348 --> 01:31:20,808
Well, if you're looking
for trouble, here I am.
1311
01:31:20,809 --> 01:31:25,280
And if you wanna see
double, here I am.
1312
01:31:28,760 --> 01:31:32,239
I don't do what the good girls do.
1313
01:31:32,240 --> 01:31:35,221
Bad dreams really do come true.
1314
01:31:44,171 --> 01:31:47,652
Here I am.
1315
01:31:51,133 --> 01:31:54,602
I'm the bitch in black,
so you better stand back.
1316
01:31:54,603 --> 01:31:56,202
You might get motion
sickness or a heart attack.
1317
01:31:56,203 --> 01:31:58,123
I can really rap up with the
swelling in your pocket,
1318
01:31:58,124 --> 01:31:59,962
make your eyeballs drop
right out of their socket.
1319
01:31:59,963 --> 01:32:01,623
I'm rough, I'm tough,
I'm woman enough.
1320
01:32:01,624 --> 01:32:02,324
Get ready.
1321
01:32:02,324 --> 01:32:03,054
I'm gonna do my stuff.
1322
01:32:03,055 --> 01:32:04,493
I can take it, I can shake it.
1323
01:32:04,494 --> 01:32:05,464
I can cook it, I can bake it.
1324
01:32:05,465 --> 01:32:07,263
If I don't have the
recipe, I'll fake it.
1325
01:32:07,264 --> 01:32:08,764
I'm a volcano that's ready to blow.
1326
01:32:08,765 --> 01:32:10,565
Look out, y'all, 'cause here I go!
1327
01:33:16,773 --> 01:33:17,771
For me?
1328
01:33:30,274 --> 01:33:31,273
Unpleasant dreams.
90444
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