All language subtitles for Carambolages.English

The characters and events
in this movie are entirely fictional.

If any malicious spirit sees
this movie as a criticism of...

...certain employers
or the police force...

...this will be considered slanderous
and will be prosecuted without mercy.

Holidays: salubrious air, relaxation
and becoming one with nature.

Leaving home hurts...

...but during a holiday
leaving means living the good life.

Organise your future holidays
outside of the busy city.

You'll experience
freedom and solitude.

You work like everybody else
and you want peace like everybody else.

Let experts look after
your holiday time.

These days, it's all
about organising.

A holiday without planning
is no longer possible.

A custom made holiday
brings endless joy.

And soon, a beautiful smile
will appear on your face.

So go to the biggest organisation
in the tourism industry.

321 Champs-Elys�es.

Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.SubtitleDB.org today

Well, gentlemen?

Feel like applauding,
Mr. Dalayrac?

You've got taste, Hubert.
What did you think?

Hard to say.
-Deputy Secretary General?

And you, Brossard?

What bleah?
-Mr Fr�pillon said 'bleah'. I said 'bluh'.

Martin, you're not part of management,
but what do you think?

I thought what you thought,
Mr Director.

Spoken like somebody with
a brain. Sit down, Martin.

Let's be clear, gentlemen.

The fact that there's nothing gruesome
about your ad campaign, is bad enough.

But it's also inefficient
and that, I can't accept.

Innocent times are over.
We need to inspire fear.

I want... listen well, gentlemen.

Our washed-out workers should
soon be rushing to our campsites...

...like a herd of chased buffalo.

But how do our workers know they're
washed-out? Because we tell them.

So I don't want to see any voluptuous
women and tanned male models.

I want to make it clear. I want to
see pale-faced ticket inspectors...

...and skinny workers.

Powerful images. Epilepsy,
tuberculosis, blood everywhere.

We said... Brossard.

Last year we called everybody
without a 321 card an idiot.

This year we call them almost dead.
Less subtle, but efficient.

Without 321, no salvation.
It's 321 or death.

That's how I see it. Very simple.
-How did he think of it.

Of course, you'll have
a new version next week.

Before his heart attack,
holiday-makers had a much harder time.

He wanted to ship them as cargo.
-In overcrowded carriages.

What's this?
-The posters for our 35th anniversary.

I was going to show you.

Too small. Too big.
Too complicated. Too simple.

Too expensive.

How hard can it be?

Our anniversary should make 14 July,
2 December and 13 May look like nothing.

I want it grand.
In Charolais style.

I'll explain my idea on Tuesday.
You get half an hour.

To do what?
-To think of the idea.

Explain a bit better,
dear Norbert.

A cruise ticket,
brightens up your life.

You heard Mr Director. He said
it to me, but it was meant for you.

No need to say more.

Fr�pillon, you only have
28 minutes and 15 seconds left.

Brossard. Please go.

I want so see you in my office in
15 minutes. There's no time to lose.

Martin, do not disappoint
Mr Director.

Think of an idea for him.

Hey you.
-What?

Nothing.

CAROM SHOTS

Our travel tip: three weeks of fun.
Paris-Moscow by motor coach.

Ten days to get there, one day
there and ten days to get back.

Can I talk to Radio Luxemburg.
I'm waiting.

We're very busy.
Maybe you want to call back.

Everything alright?

Radio Luxemburg? 321 speaking.

As always, 321 provides you
with the exact weather forecast.

Unstable weather.
Rather cloudy in the southwest...

...with a chance of thunder
in the Mediterranean.

A high pressure area is
heading for the Azores... Correction.

The high pressure area is
heading for Ireland.

Is Solange not here?
-She's in the secretarial office.

Take it easy.

Can I speak to the director?

Mr Director? Paul Martin speaking.
Yes, from the ground floor.

Can I see you right away?

You've got to make a request.
I'll have time on Tuesday.

I think I found the idea.

Which idea?
-Your idea.

Me an idea? Don't get cheeky.

Don't get angry. I mean
an idea for the board of directors.

The idea.

Wait a moment. Hang on.

Come right over.
But take the service lift.

Let's let sleeping dogs lie.

You can count on me. I'll sneak.
I'll blend in with the background.

Did anybody see you?
-Nobody.

What about the idea?
-A frog, Mr Director.

A frog?
-But this one's high on a ladder.

It looks at the sun.
'Fair weather, sun guaranteed.'

Green leaves, camping, butterflies.
Fantastic.

You're fantastic. We're
fantastic. I'm fantastic.

The frog will be an eye-catcher.

It will improve sales.

Yes, I can see it.

Frog, frogs and frogs.
I see frogs everywhere.

In candy machines, in jukeboxes...

...in the holy water,
in the surprise package.

Frogs that do all they can...

...to lure holiday-makers to
our beautiful French roads.

Did you think of it just like that?
-I have been thinking of it for a while.

The idea had to mature.
-Wisely done.

Mr Director.
-Wait, I'm brooding and deducting.

This isn't everything.

'With the frogs of 321,
fair weather is guaranteed.'

Enough, enough.
Two ideas in one day.

We had a genius downstairs and I
didn't know it. Go rest and relax.

I'll personally look after you.
-I wanted to discuss something with you.

Another idea, you rascal?
-No, a request.

Mr Brossard will retire
in a month.

I'll probably succeed him.
-That's how it goes.

We're a decent company.

We reward seniority,
not talent.

Later, you might succeed Mr
Fr�millon and so on. Maybe up to here.

I don't have that kind of ambition.
-I'm not going anywhere.

I've been lucky.

I got here when Mr Minot stepped
on a mine, in 1947.

Was he discharged?
-Yes, he was fishing for shrimp.

Happily singing away, trailing his
shrimp net behind him when suddenly...

Died for the country.
And I became Deputy Director.

Why are we discussing Brossard?
-Because I'm also marrying his daughter.

Bravo, good idea. Marriage is the
logical next step after bachelorhood.

It means...
-Incurring debts.

Could you give me a statement
about my future promotion?

What do you need it for?

To fulfil my obligations.
I'm getting married.

I bought a house. On credit.
And I want to buy a car on credit.

Doesn't she have a dowry?
-I don't know.

Isn't that a bit reckless?
-I'm in love, Mr Director.

Oh, love. Love.
'La Boh�me.' Murger.

I remember. And then success came.
-You so deserved it.

It was tough.
I had to leave a lot behind.

Gennevilliers. My old bike.

And for what?
Avenue Foch. A Bentley.

Unfortunately, you can't
win them all.

Why not? There are
plenty who have nothing.

So there must be some who have
everything. To balance things out.

People always talk about minimum wage,
never about maximum wage.

I'll get you that statement.
In two days.

Not 'Sir', but 'Miss'.
What's all this about?

Andr�a, the day after tomorrow,
Mr Martin will pick up a statement.

If it's urgent, send a
messenger girl.

This way, Martin.
-Alright, a messenger boy.

This is impossible.

Hell, the end of times.

Our party might
coincide with the renovations.

The terrace will be
finished before the 5th.

My compliments again.
For the idea.

Which idea?
-The frog.

That was the idea of the year,
wasn't it?

lift out of service

The idiot called. Did you
hear his last idea?

Our symbol's no longer a palm
or a dove, but a green frog.

Completely insane.

What's that?
-Something for 'club nautique'.

A cigarette that you can
smoke under water.

You measure. Tap my
shoulder if I turn purple.

And call the fire brigade
if I don't move anymore.

There I go.

Hello, dad.

Hello, darling.
-Hello, sweetheart.

Paul. Dad will see us.
-No way. He's under water.

Do you want to kill me
while I'm under there?

What are you doing here?

You know I have to arrange everything.
Wedding lunch has been taken care of.

Mama had an idea.
We'll go to Maxim's.

Maxim's, are you insane?
-Very stylish, you know.

So we agree.
I'm off. My cab's waiting.

The counter's running
and dad has to pay.

Sweetheart, come with me.
I have to tell you something.

What day is it?
-Thursday.

April 1. Does that ring a bell?
-Wait, it does ring a bell.

I know. The battle of Bouvines.

What?
-The battle of Bouvines.

Maybe, but it's also
your father's birthday.

Are you listening?
-Yes, I am.

Please, Paul.
-I love you too much.

You're so young, beautiful, pure.
-Don't start about purity again.

Yesterday you brought it up in
the pantry and now in the lift.

I just love you.

Enough talk.
April 1 is daddy's birthday.

So?
-So you take him out for dinner.

Fine, but where?
-At Maxim's, to give it a try.

And you're the one who invites us.
-I know what you mean.

Sometimes it takes an hour
before you get out your wallet.

I made reservations at 8.
Mummy will be hungry. Be on time.

No, this is the first one.
I'll tell daddy the good news.

See you tonight, sweetheart.
-Bye, darling.

Girls can be terrible.

Excuse me.
-No problem.

What are you doing?

What do we say?
-Hello.

Be nice. Don't you know which day it is?
Doesn't April 1 mean anything to you?

Brossard's birthday, no?
-Something else too.

What?
-That you're a bastard.

Energetic as always, Martin?

You only get younger,
prettier and more elegant.

When I see you, I'm reminded of the
Madonna in the museum of Ferrara.

You don't change a bit.

But do today's youth
appreciate beauty?

Miss Brossard,
we see so little of you.

You're very special.
You remind me...

...of a Spanish Madonna
in the museum of Toledo.

I'm listening. What's April 1?
-The battle of Bouvines.

Am I supposed to have a breakdown?
-No, be quiet.

April 2 was our first day together.

Of course, April 2.

But it's only April 1 today.
-It's celebrated the evening before.

You should know that.
You know what we'll do?

I bought pasta. We'll eat it at home.
And then we'll have an early night.

I have a business dinner tonight.

Don't yell.
-What do you want?

I'm really getting fed up.
-Fed up with me?

You like the little Brossard girl,
don't you?

A doctor.

It's fixed, boss.
It's working again.

It's nine o'clock. Good morning.

321 wishes you a good working
day in a quiet atmosphere.

Paul?

As a man, I understand you
have a mistress...

...but as a father-in-law I don't.
A moral and practical matter.

It's not easy to sustain two households.
I tried.

What should I do?

Tell Solange you
love my daughter.

I did and she doesn't mind.
She's alright with sharing.

You're kidding.
What a sweetheart.

Think well about your answer.

Do you love France?

Of course.
-More than anything?

That depends.
There's also love.

And caf� li�geois, Johnny Halliday.
-So you love France.

Then you also love order and if you love
order, you love lawfulness.

So you reject falsehood...

...and illegitimate children.

You're sorry I'm getting married...

...but you know it's good
for the country.

In fact, you're a heroin.

Pass me a cigarette, please.
-No, no, no, please.

Don't be so vulgar.

Our last meeting should reflect
our relationship in style.

I can't believe it's been a year.
I remember it all.

The hotel in the Rue Vavin.
-That was the night of the 3rd.

I want to talk about the 2nd.
When we met.

You were dictating a letter to me.
I still know it by heart.

'In reply to your letter...'
-Don't ruin my most beautiful memory.

I still hear your voice.

'To the fruits, the flowers,
the leaves and the branches...'

...and to my heart, that beats for you.'

You were fed up with dumb girls
and you loved my intelligence.

And then you took me to the hotel.
That was the first time.

That someone loved me
for my intelligence.

Kiss me.
-Not now.

You're scared to tell
Brossard's girl...

...and that's why you ditch me.
Because that's what it is.

Some time ago, I would have killed
myself, but not anymore.

I won't be alone for long.

Have you already got somebody? Good.
-Not yet, but I will soon.

Can I know his name?
-I want us to choose it together.

Can't you give me your opinion?
-You're very cynical.

Why would he...
-Why 'he'? He or she.

Solange, darling.
Get a hold of yourself.

Be sad, but without all this
confusion. It's no good.

What are you on about?

If it's a boy, I'll just name
him after you: Paul.

Solange, careful.

No jokes now.

You're not saying that...
-Yes.

Are you sure?
-A hundred percent.

What will you do?

Give birth.

With a few changes, the baby
room could come on this side.

Don't you agree? You don't
want the baby room facing north.

Definitely not.
-We should think about these things.

Is this wallpaper for your room?
-We'll use sound-proof material there.

That's not a lot more expensive.
What'll this love nest cost, Paul?

In total, 48,000 francs per month.

And when will the car arrive?
-Tomorrow. 30,000 francs per month.

48 plus 30 subtracted from 85 makes 7.

A month from now, he'll make
250,000 a month.

That leaves 126,000.
-What do you mean, 126,000?

250,000 minus 78,000
doesn't make 126,000.

Where will the 50,000 go?
-To the child.

Which child?

Our future child. You think about its
room, I think about its bank account.

Paul will make a great father.
You'd think he practices in secret.

We'll take the time
to plan your time.

Have faith in 321
for your peace and quiet.

The meeting has been
going for 10 minutes.

In Charolais' office?
-Yes, hurry.

The reply to that idiot.

About the inflatable caravan?
-About the custom made kayak.

You always make the same mistake.

It's 'truly', not 'truely'.
There's no E there.

Leave it out then. A secretary should
follow the intention, not the letter.

Yes, it's urgent.
-It's time for my little break.

How often do you eat in a day?
-You forget little Paul.

A bite for me
and a bite for him.

At least I think about him. Do you?
-It's all I do.

Look at them from closer.
Hygienic, breezy, comfortable.

Fits like a glove.

And I assure you you'll walk
1000 kilometres on these soles.

I won't order 300,000 pairs
if I'm not sure.

Have two men walk from Bordeaux
to Paris and back on these.

They can take their time.

Excuse me, gentlemen.

You came after all.

Sit down. Where were we?

The 25th anniversary of 321
should be a special day.

A dinner on our new terrace...

...followed by a presentation
and the handing out of souvenirs.

And that's where we've got to be
inventive, without being wasteful.

Do you know what I found?
-No, Mr Director.

A frog. Not just as a symbol,
but also as a souvenir.

A glass bowl.
A little ladder of mahogany.

A stand and a leather cork.

In Hermes style for the hot shots,
plain style for the rest.

What do you say?
-Absolutely brilliant.

You've got until the end of the week
to make 10,000 copies.

Me? Where do I find them?
-In Yugoslavia as far as I'm concerned.

Good timing. Let's drink
to the health of our frogs.

I won't say no to a whisky.

We're a glass short.
-We don't have one for you. Here.

And I'll have Dalayrac's glass.
-No problem.

You're taking it easy.
Viandox milk. You must be ill.

Not at all. Milk and blood:
the pillars of good health.

Gentlemen, to the upcoming
anniversary of 321.

What did you say?
-Dalayrac said that...

Andr�a, do you have that
piece of paper for me?

Which piece of paper?
-The proof I'll get a promotion.

I haven't got it.
-What's wrong?

Something new. Didn't he tell you?
Ask him yourself.

Agreed, my friend.
See you later.

What are you doing here?
Shouldn't you be in Sarajevo?

I won't find my piece of paper there.

Which piece of paper?
-The proof of my promotion.

For my credit.

Didn't she say anything?
-Didn't you read the Government Gazette?

You know my motto:
be young, camp young, live young.

I live according to that principle.
-We've been betrayed. Crushed.

Retirement age has been
extended by five years.

A victory for the fossils.

Your father-in-law isn't leaving and
you won't be the department manager.

All you can do is...

...stay the smartest man
of the ground floor.

That's a disaster.
I have all these obligations.

What should I do?
-No idea.

The employers have arrived.

Be strong. Show courage.

Keep your hopes up.
You're young and healthy.

Such a handsome, young man.
I have faith in you.

Don't get angry over a fine.

Starting tomorrow, you can park
in the management's garage, can't you?

It's a new car.
Be careful.

Careful.

Are you crazy? I had right of way.

Of course, a new car.
He probably just got his license,

Renovations one million,
furniture 650,000 francs...

...car 430,000 francs
and the wedding 280,000 francs.

You're the lucky one. The younger you
are, the less responsibilities you have.

What do you want of me?

Add it up: Solange, Danielle, the child,
the car, the wedding, the birth.

If only you could subtract
instead of add.

Brossard leaving 321 means
I get 126,000 francs a month.

One problem: you won't get
Brossard out. It's not possible.

Do you hear me? Impossible.

I'll tell you something.

Honest people never get what they
deserve because they don't kill as much.

I've got my principles.

If your father-in-law kills himself
in his car, I don't care.

But to kill him myself...

I know what you want to say:
'Take matters into your own hand'.

That's your age talking. Impulsive,
enthusiastic, who cares about parents.

But at my age,
conscience gets in the way.

We're afraid to be robbed,
aren't we?

I'm not saying a word.

Are we standing here all day?

If you're in a hurry, have a look
for yourself. There's a traffic jam.

Is anything happening?

Which car's blocking everything?
-Mr Charolais' car.

The lift's no longer working.
It doesn't go below the 5th floor.

So I stay up here?

A great machine, but suddenly
Charolais' car gets stuck.

It wasn't moving.
-The same as here then.

Yes, the collective labour agreement.

They have to go at the top,
so that those at the bottom can go up.

The top stops everything.

The top stops everything.

Sometimes you're really
intelligent.

It's not easy to find 10,000 frogs.

But the problem's
half the solution.

Is your mind somewhere else?

Not at all. I was thinking
about the other half of the problem.

The half we still have to solve.

Mrs Charolais is here.
-Tell her that I...

Just a quick visit. I have to
go to the hairdresser. Bye.

Paul Martin, one of my most
industrious employees.

I'll need an hour at the
hairdresser's.

And it's so hot at Am�d�o's
that Fifi... Fifi?

Fifi can't handle that heat.

Who's going to stay with daddy?
-I don't have time for...

Do you want Fifi to faint?
-Certainly not.

Very nice to meet a colleague
of my husband's.

Unfortunately, I don't
know them all.

Your wife is a sophisticated Parisienne.
-She's from Limoges.

What were we talking about?

The problem's half the solution.

That sounds very plausible.
So you can go.

What are you waiting for?

The doggie's following her owner.
Quick, get it.

What are you doing?

What's this? No dogs here. No dogs,
no collections and no demonstrations.

Please apologise. Say something, sir...
-No dogs, no collections and no names.

Fifth floor:
champagne and Viandox milk.

Excuse me.
One can't feel at home anywhere.

Viandox milk.

That bloody Beaumanoir.

you old herring

you are truely

the king of cuckolds

your wife cheats on you

with Beaumanoir

Option 1:
Charolais kills Beaumanoir...

...and Martin moves to the first floor.

Option 2: Charolais
cowardly fires Beaumanoir...

...and Martin moves to the first floor.

Option 3: Charolais challenges Beauma-
noir and the hunter kills the director.

...and Martin moves to the first floor.

What do you say to that? Nothing, I bet.
-I've got nothing to say.

It's perfect.

Lunch.

I'm not eating with you.

Lunch in the canteen together?
-Fine with me.

Is everything alright up there, Andr�a?
Is the boss happy? No worries?

No bad news?
-From whom?

No news is good news, right?

She bends, cracks and swallows
the cherry. An acrobat.

That Beaumanoir. Such a rascal.

Did you see those two bastards?
-What's with you?

No concept of morals.
Plain disgusting.

I'm no longer hungry.
Eat without me.

I have to start working with my frogs.

Sending a letter from one suburb
to another...

...doesn't take more than a day.

And a letter of four days ago?
-That has long been answered.

Why do you ask me this?
-I'm fascinated by your work.

I always wanted to be a mail man.
Here.

Come in.
-Do you want those 240 frogs here?

No, I can't stand the sight
of them anymore.

Just don't say anything.
-Should we send them back?

Put them in the maid's storage
for the night.

It's six o'clock. Good evening.

321 wishes you a nice evening
and a night with beautiful dreams.

Will you stay here tonight?
-No, but I'll be here for another hour.

And then you'll have dinner at home?

Then I go home and to bed.
Alright? Now I have to work.

'you old herring'

Little one...

What are you doing?
-A frog escaped.

And I need them all.

It's gone. I'm sorry.
-No apologies needed.

If you want to win a big battle, you
have to be able to take a big loss.

This frog doesn't cause a problem.

I should apologise, because you were
fishing... hunting.

One can't be a good leader
if one has no discipline.

'Only be demanding of yourself.'
Where did I get that?

From the bible.
-From Beaumanoir.

I admire your health, Hubert.

Sport, Viandox milk, walking.
We should get along fine.

I smoke like a chimney, drink
like a fish and... like a boss.

I'm in terrible health.

How would I know? No alcohol,
tobacco or women for me.

You're the outside man.
Fresh air, flowers...

When I'd walk into your room,
you'd always be on your little balcony.

Not anymore?
-I have a bit of throat pain.

Wouldn't fresh air...

Who's that?
Ah, Martin, come in, boy.

You called for me?

The party's approaching.
How are things going?

The terrace's almost finished.
We're not that far with the canteen.

Why's that?
-Because of the new lift.

I'm not a man of uncertainty
and half measures.

I demand concrete answers.
We'll have a look tonight.

You're not your usual self.
What's wrong?

We have some difficult projects
going on.

Fine. A young man needs projects.
Difficult or not.

That's being an entrepreneur.
Are they ambitious projects?

Certainly, Mr Director.

Can you tell me more about them?

Will you allow me to keep it a secret?

Alright. See you later, boy.

A remarkable boy.

'Will you allow me to keep it a secret?'

How subtle. He's brilliant.

Well done, Martin.

Neo-classical. Very good.

Functional art.
-That's the description I wanted.

If you walk back a bit,
you can judge it better.

Would you think?
-The harmony, the total balance.

A bit further back.
-Yes, you're right.

Now the symphony really starts.

A bit further...

Careful.

Martin, Paul, Paolo. I saved your life.
Isn't that fantastic?

It failed. No, I'm rambling.
Excuse me.

No problem. I'm your father.
You're my son.

You owed me respect and diligence,
but now you owe me everything.

Mr Director...
-No, call me uncle Norbert.

150 grams of dynamite...

...5 grams of cheddite...

...25 grams of trinitrotoluene.

Forget about 'respect'
and 'Norbert'.

He'll have a blast.
I'll blow his brain into the air.

I'll get rid of him.
Make him go up in smoke.

I don't want to hear about him
anymore. Never. Ever.

'With compliments...

...of the British embassy.'

France Roche?
-One frog.

The archbishop of Paris?
-One frog.

General de la Frapini�re?
-Nothing. He wanted to put me on trial.

General de Fluganzin?
-Everything. He prevented it.

The Count of Paris?
-One frog.

Not a bit more? He has children.

How many?

Ask Beaumanoir.
He knows.

Ask him via the balcony.
That's easier.

You seem crazy yelling like that.

How many children does the Count
of Paris have?

Isn't your daughter already engaged?
-Mr Director wants to know.

Is he on the balcony?

How many?
-Six.

On which balcony?
-Of his secretary's office.

Why?
-Because... none of your business.

So 12 frogs for France's family.

A present for you.

It was on my table.

'With compliments
of the British embassy.'

I'm generous to the Count of Paris...

...Queen Elizabeth gives me presents.
Charolais deals with great people.

That must be exciting.
-Yes, rather.

But how does it end up on my desk?
-What about the secret service?

Write a letter of thanks.
-I'll leave you alone.

Are you crazy. We're
swamped by work. Join us, Paul.

What are you doing?
-Brossard, come here please.

I'll tell you a secret.

I want to give Dalayrac a medal
for 30 years of service.

Have one made with an original
look, so he knows who it's from.

A frog maybe?
-Very good, Brossard.

I thought you were history,
but I'm getting more out of you yet.

And now about the decoration.

Mr Beaumanoir suggested a
velvet canopy for the entrance...

...with garlands and palms.

...this sublime view gives a whole new
perspective on this beautiful avenue.

An event is taking place that Paris
has been talking about for a long time.

A little orchestra.

As you can hear.

Dancing couples with names
that are on everybody's lips.

That Hubert is quite something.

What's that? It's beautiful.
-An inflatable chest.

And inflation asks for relaxation.
Modern man has to relax.

We have to battle all the stress.

That's why my motto says:
a castle in a waist bag.

'A castle in a bum bag', a slogan
that will enter camping annals.

Where's the boss?
-There, I believe.

Uncle Norbert?
-I beg your pardon?

Mr Director. The inspector
exaggerates a bit.

He wanted to frisk a committee member
and asked to see the duchess' ID.

Detectives... tell them to calm down.

I'll practice my speech
in my room.

I don't want to be disturbed
for any reason, understood?

Have the canteen windows been
blinded with planks?

I don't want any of the
guests to fall down.

Inspector, Mr Director asks
if you can take it a bit easier.

I don't need his advice.
I know his file.

Economic collaboration from '40 to '44
and there's the camping story in Africa.

I didn't know that.
-It's not your job to know.

Between you and me. What's your name?
-Paul Martin.

Martin, Paul, Andr�, Marcel.
You're the villain from downstairs.

You stole a bike in '47 and escaped
punishment thanks to your parents.

I would have sent you to juvenile
detention, then to the army and then...

...I would have given you a break.

You're too good.
-I try to understand things.

Who's that clown?

That's the consul of Burma and his wife.
-And you believe that?

Burma is India, India is the East,
the East is China: the yellow peril.

I want to see their papers. If they're
not alright, they'll have a problem.

A harsh light, an iron ruler...
You have to make do without a bathtub.

You're too young for the Rue Lauriston.
-Unfortunately.

A historic moment. Then '45,
chaos. Riffraff in the streets.

When they go for the plumbing,
you know there's a problem.

Hubert, do you have a moment?
Excuse me.

You like a homage,
so I have a surprise.

You're a friend of Dalayrac's,
so you give him the medal.

But I didn't prepare a speech.
-Leave that to me.

In that case...
-I'll start practicing.

The medal's on my desk.
Get it and come to the new canteen.

Take the new lift.
Nobody can see you.

Absolutely nobody can know.

I can be silent as the grave.
-I know. You're very discreet.

What do you want?
Didn't I say 'Do not disturb'?

But Mr Director...
-No buts. Get lost.

Norbert?

Where are you, Norbert?

Wait here.

Can the orchestra stop for a moment?
If I'm correct, someone's missing.

What's happening?
-Somebody fell down.

It seems like a tragic accident...
-Accident. I know nothing about it.

Silence.

I've got the situation under control.

All against the wall.
Hands on your necks.

If somebody moves,
I'll shoot.

And that brings us to the
end of this broadcast.

It was one of the nicest evenings
of the season. Back to the studio.

You too, chatterbox. Against the wall.

What's wrong with him?
-Apparently there's been an accident.

Due to an accident,
a very sad accident...

...we have to do without our
dear General Director.

I'm sure he's watching us,
listening to us, from up there.

He'll regret not being able
to tell us himself...

...what his death means to
the hierarchy in this company.

Our friend Beaumanoir will get
every chance to assert himself...

...as Deputy Director.

His place will be taken by Fr�pillon,
who was trained for this position.

Brossard, always dedicated
and efficient, will go up one floor.

Paul Martin is now part
of the management.

He takes over the position of his
future father-in-law.

Strange to be here with you.
Do you know what this proves?

It proves that crime doesn't
pay, but work does. Darling...

30 years of forced labour,
40 if you last that long.

Marriage is a punishment.
I've been punished for 20 years already.

I married in '42 because I'd
get a woollen suit and leather shoes.

The price of looking good.

I want to talk to you in private.

Three is a crowd. Out!

There were anonymous typed letters
on your boss' desk.

For Baudu that's as good as if they
were signed. Heads will roll.

What's this?
-This is research,

It wasn't typed here.

Life imprisonment
and 20 years for complicity.

I want to know on which
typewriter this letter was typed.

You find out. It's your job.
If you can call it that.

The inspector's asking nicely.
-I was well-mannered.

organdie, red heels, a minuet

But don't let me get on your nerves.

I want to know on which typewriter
this letter was typed.

Mr Martin, you're intelligent. Look.

The letter C is unclear. Look at the
word 'cuckolds'. It's a clue.

The copies.
-Let's look.

Fr�pillon's typewriter.

Beaumanoir's typewriter.

Dalayrac's typewriter. Gotcha.

Dalayrac did it.
It's his typewriter.

Isn't that a bit hasty?

When heads must roll,
nothing's hasty.

Take the death penalty.
It has survived many mistakes.

It's clear:

Dalayrac sends an anonymous letter and
jumps out of his boss' window.

Because he was a sensitive man.
I would have done the same thing.

I don't want to sound arrogant...

...but maybe somebody else used
his typewriter.

That's not arrogant.
That's plain stupid.

Which is logical, because you're
not an inspector.

Follow the Dalayrac theory with me:

'They'll think the killer didn't
type the letter on his own typewriter.'

Therefore the killer typed
the letter on his own typewriter.

The killer thinks that I think...

...that the killer won't use
his own machine.

Conclusion: the killer typed the
letter on his own typewriter.

He's unlucky that I'm leading
the investigation.

Mr Dalayrac tended his resignation
for personal reasons.

Because of the rather unusual
documents...

...his resignation has been
accepted immediately.

I therefore welcome my good friend,
Paul Martin...

...to the chair that was hardly
ever used by Brossard...

...and that he leaves to become
Secretary General.

Mr Fr�pillon rises to the top
of our company's hierarchy.

He'll be Deputy Director.

Power is fascinating.

I understand Caesar.

I could have retired as well.
-And the road's open.

Do not tempt fate, darling.

You have to be careful
at the high floors.

Leave the window closed. This is where
Beaumanoir got his throat infection.

I'm going to Paul. I saw
a Louis XV secretary.

We can afford it now.

Deputy Secretary General

I never thought we'd make
it this far.

Those copies have to be
returned to the inspector.

He knows his job and he's energetic.
I love ener...

What are you looking at?

You're such a hypocrite.

'you are truly
the king of cuckolds.'

'you are tru-e-ly
the king of cuckolds.'

With an E.

Very smart to type this on
Dalayrac's typewriter.

I'm sorry.
-No need to be.

But you're saying insane things.
If they heard you...

I'm sorry I thought
you were a poor loser.

You were hiding it well.

'Yes, Mr Director. At your service.'

And that was the end of Mr Director.

You're a hero.
-That's enough. Shut up.

My little Secretary General.
My big hero. Tell me.

Tell you what?
-Don't be so modest.

How did you do it? I bet you were great.
Bare chest, covered in blood.

How did you kill the others?
-The others that I never knew.

This wasn't your first time, was it?
That would be too good, too dedicated.

Have you gone mad?
-Mad about you. More than ever.

My Weidman, my Ravache,
my Bluebeard.

I'm here to talk about a secretary.
But you already have a secretary.

You can call me Miss from now on.
Madam will like that.

Are you happy now?
-Now I've got you to myself.

To think I did all this...

...for a family environment
and a well educated son.

You can now save money in both areas.
No wedding and no child.

Solange, you didn't do anything
bad, did you?

Yes, I did.
-What then?

I lied. I'm not expecting anybody.
-Neither am I.

There is no little Paul. I said
that to pester you. I was jealous.

But now that we have money and he
could go to university, I'm sorry.

I bet he would have been just like you.
-Secretary General?

Murderer, murderer, murderer.

I've got the murderer. It was no
accident. The medal proves it.

Everything's as clear as a
creek amidst edelweiss.

The prints on the object.
The object at the crime scene.

People have been decapitated
for less.

Who are we decapitating?
-Beaumanoir, that's clear.

The retarded husband notices that
that terrible Beaumanoir...

...is getting it on with the
abominable Mrs Charolais.

Having been found out,
Beaumanoir kills the retard.

Except Baudu appears on stage.

He deduces and concludes
and the guillotine falls.

What about that?
Clever police work?

Did Beaumanoir confess?
-That would be something.

Not confess to Baudu?
-Be a pain to Baudu?

Then Baudu must use everything
he's got. And he will.

'Jawohl, doktor Kranz.
Turn on the water heater.'

After I have a go at him,
there will be no Beaumanoir left.

There will only be a slimy beast,
the perfect monster.

Who killed the entire
phone directory.

Abel, Marc, Antoine, Count of Enghien.
And that poor President Doumer.

I'll offer him a cigarette and a light.

That's Baudu.
Very disciplined, but generous as well.

That's how I'll get him.

Even if they succeed each
other unusually rapidly...

...your promotions still deserve
heartfelt congratulations...

...from your new director.

But because of the murder,
the arrest and the unrest...

...within our dear company...

...we keep a serious face...

...as we climb the company ladder.

We do not forget our duties.

We mourn the death of
our great Charolais...

...whose motto 'the higher, the better'
takes on a different meaning.

This must affect you.
-I was prepared for it.

Weren't you afraid?
-Of what?

With a clear conscience and a free
spirit, we don't need superstition.

Miss Andr�a, please let me know
when you leave.

Hello Martin, you here?
-I wanted to congratulate you, sir.

You more than deserved it.
-So did you, Secretary General.

Are you sick?
-My stomach.

At your age?
-One is as old as one's ulcer.

I'll have it replaced.
You're very funny.

'With compliments
of the British embassy.'

Swindler. little swindler.
I got you there, didn't I?

Do you smoke the boss' cigars?
Did you get a fright?

I didn't know you were here.
-I'm everywhere.

Give me a cigar.
-No, don't open it.

You're not very generous.
I smoked my last havana in a bunker.

I had been appointed Prefect.
The villains were within shooting range.

Wait, Marinette.
-Mr Martin, which floor?

Where's Mr Martin?
I'm his father.

Which floor is he at?
-I don't know, sir...

What's wrong?
Help, our company's exploding.

The fire extinguishers don't work.

Don't panic.

Is that him. Is that Fr�pillon?
Where's the new director?

Which one?
-Brossard.

One floor down.

Stop. Where are you going?

What do you care?
-State of emergency. Article 13.

Mr Director.
-I'm not here.

You have to chair the meeting.
Mourn Charolais...

...and make me Secretary General.

That's how it always went.

Open up. Open up
or I'll have the building taken down.

The office. Shoot anything
that moves. Article 16.

Mr Director, show some dignity.
This is our big day.

Don't miss this opportunity.

I don't want to go up. That's the scene
of disaster. It's hell's gate.

Think how proud
Mrs Brossard would be.

And Miss Brossard.
-Not a widow and an orphan. Not yet.

Red eyes, green hands,
a witch with green eyes.

No, Mr Minister.
That's the rocking chair.

An unstable table, a trick cigar...

I'm not a director. I'm resigning.

I'm an ordinary guy.
A grey mouse. Don't do this to me.

I'd rather be court-martialled.
I don't want to go to the front.

I'm a good boy.
I read Le Figaro.

Miss, don't send me to that hellish
room. I'll accept any punishment.

I'm still young. I have the right
to live. Mother.

So he resigned.
I'm now the Deputy Director.

Mr Martin, Mr Director.
Meeting.

Is Martin the director now?
-Since 15 seconds. Pretty long really.

He's a friend. I'll call him.
-Alright, I'll wait upstairs.

Do you know who's the director?

Fr�pillon.
-He's dead.

Brossard.
-He's mad.

They're taking him in.
Look at that.

He's great. He's foaming at
the mouth and drooling.

It's fantastic. It smokes and
it thunders.

It's June '40, Dunkirk...

I can't hear him anymore.

He fell down with the balcony.

So that was the sawing sound.

You keep surprising me.
Where do you get all that?

Is Mr Director in?
-He doesn't want to be disturbed.

Well, gentlemen?

Feel like applauding,
Mr Michelot?

Almighty, Mr Director...

What did you think, Mr Tuile?

Hard to say.

Young man, you're not part of
management, but what did you think?

I thought what you thought,
Mr Director.

What's your name?
-Lambert. I work at the ground floor.

I thought as much.

You can go.

I said you can go.

I wanted to ask you something,
Mr Director.

Are you marrying next month?

Yes. Mr Machepron isn't there
due to tragic circumstances.

He's retiring early.

So I wanted to ask whether
you can make sure...

A statement about
your future promotion.

I'll think about it. Alright.
-Thank you, Mr Director.

A young man dressed in black
sat down next to me.

He looked exactly like me.

Darling, take dictation.

Send this letter if anything happens
to me during the coming weeks.

'Dear Public Prosecutor...'
-What?

'Dear Public Prosecutor.

Since I don't have long to live...

...and would like to combine
a clean conscience...

...with the traditional morals
of our beautiful country...

...I would like to inform you
about a few matters.

In May last year, the director...'

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