Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,827 --> 00:00:03,079
Back in the
'80s, my mom always loved
2
00:00:03,080 --> 00:00:04,455
celebrating Hanukkah.
3
00:00:04,456 --> 00:00:05,984
Merry Hanukkah.
4
00:00:06,009 --> 00:00:07,166
It was an over-the-top spectacle
5
00:00:07,167 --> 00:00:08,793
that would rival any
Christmas.
6
00:00:08,794 --> 00:00:10,468
Yeah, baby!
7
00:00:10,493 --> 00:00:12,505
And now that there was a
new Goldberg in the house,
8
00:00:12,506 --> 00:00:16,175
my mom was ready for it to
be the best Hanukkah ever.
9
00:00:16,176 --> 00:00:17,176
Until...
10
00:00:17,177 --> 00:00:19,220
What in the holly jolly hell?
11
00:00:19,221 --> 00:00:21,764
Can someone explain to
me the meaning of this?
12
00:00:21,765 --> 00:00:22,890
Aww! Aww.
13
00:00:22,891 --> 00:00:24,350
It's Mrs. Claus.
14
00:00:24,351 --> 00:00:25,893
Squeeze her cookie-baking hand.
15
00:00:27,980 --> 00:00:28,980
What a delight.
16
00:00:28,981 --> 00:00:30,439
Is that a xylophone
or a marimba?
17
00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:32,525
What it is is sacrilege.
18
00:00:32,526 --> 00:00:33,901
We are a Hanukkah family!
19
00:00:33,902 --> 00:00:35,695
Calm down, Golda Meir.
20
00:00:35,696 --> 00:00:38,406
The baby just likes her because
she's soft. It's no biggie.
21
00:00:38,407 --> 00:00:41,993
By placing Santa's gal pal in
the crib of my grandschmoo,
22
00:00:41,994 --> 00:00:44,704
you are disrespecting the
holiday of our people.
23
00:00:44,705 --> 00:00:47,331
Please. You don't even
know what Hanukkah's about.
24
00:00:47,332 --> 00:00:48,666
Of course I do!
25
00:00:48,667 --> 00:00:50,293
Yeah, I'm not talking
about the menorah
26
00:00:50,294 --> 00:00:52,211
or the inflatable
dreidel on the lawn
27
00:00:52,212 --> 00:00:53,963
that Barry always ends up
getting in a fight with.
28
00:00:53,964 --> 00:00:56,382
I mean the real
story of Hanukkah.
29
00:00:56,383 --> 00:00:58,467
Let me just gather my
thoughts for a minute
30
00:00:58,468 --> 00:01:01,971
because I have so many
specific, clear ones.
31
00:01:01,972 --> 00:01:04,181
You know what would
be fun? Blind folds.
32
00:01:04,182 --> 00:01:07,059
Boys, tell Erica the
true meaning of Hanukkah.
33
00:01:07,060 --> 00:01:08,894
No problem. Easy peasy.
34
00:01:08,895 --> 00:01:11,147
It begins in ancient times.
35
00:01:11,148 --> 00:01:13,733
Moses led our people
to the championships.
36
00:01:13,734 --> 00:01:15,735
And I'm not talking
about Moses Malone.
37
00:01:15,736 --> 00:01:17,028
This guy couldn't even dunk.
38
00:01:17,029 --> 00:01:17,863
No.
39
00:01:17,864 --> 00:01:19,113
It all started
40
00:01:19,114 --> 00:01:20,281
because there were
some bad dudes
41
00:01:20,282 --> 00:01:22,199
being jerks to our distant...
42
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:25,077
And let's be honest, gross
and sweaty... ancestors.
43
00:01:25,078 --> 00:01:26,746
A beard in the
desert? No, thank you.
44
00:01:26,747 --> 00:01:28,331
Such a bad start.
45
00:01:28,332 --> 00:01:30,207
I don't want to get bogged
down in the details.
46
00:01:30,208 --> 00:01:32,001
I think it's safe
to say you didn't.
47
00:01:32,002 --> 00:01:33,711
Don't forget, our
good guys received
48
00:01:33,712 --> 00:01:35,254
a huge treasure of
chocolate money,
49
00:01:35,255 --> 00:01:36,714
and they were like, "Oh, yeah.
50
00:01:36,715 --> 00:01:38,382
Oh, yeah. This tastes good."
51
00:01:38,383 --> 00:01:40,259
Wow. Just wow.
52
00:01:40,260 --> 00:01:42,803
By the way, Erica, the
money is called gelt.
53
00:01:42,804 --> 00:01:44,847
Okay, great work, everyone.
54
00:01:44,848 --> 00:01:46,432
Proud moment for our people.
55
00:01:46,433 --> 00:01:48,642
We're officially
keeping Lady Santa.
56
00:01:48,643 --> 00:01:51,145
Um, I'm the only homemaker of the holiday
season.
57
00:01:51,146 --> 00:01:54,273
Aww, it wouldn't be Hanukkah without
a physical altercation. Let go.
58
00:01:54,274 --> 00:01:55,900
'Tis the season for
mother-daughter wrestling.
59
00:01:55,901 --> 00:01:58,110
I also bought a
dreidel. Anyone?
60
00:01:58,111 --> 00:01:59,820
Stop it! Yeah!
61
00:02:04,701 --> 00:02:07,578
Captions by VITAC...
62
00:02:12,292 --> 00:02:14,668
It was December
7, 1980-something,
63
00:02:14,669 --> 00:02:16,796
and it was closing
time at the diner.
64
00:02:16,797 --> 00:02:19,090
Man, I only made 17
bucks in tips tonight.
65
00:02:19,091 --> 00:02:21,675
Happy holidays from
Reagan's America.
66
00:02:21,676 --> 00:02:22,469
'Sup with you and Carmen?
67
00:02:22,470 --> 00:02:23,969
Oh, I-I don't know.
68
00:02:23,970 --> 00:02:25,096
We haven't talked that much
69
00:02:25,097 --> 00:02:26,847
since that night I
slept at her place.
70
00:02:26,848 --> 00:02:29,517
You slept over and
didn't talk to her after?
71
00:02:29,518 --> 00:02:32,728
Bro. I have never respected
you before this moment.
72
00:02:32,729 --> 00:02:34,271
I-I just passed
out on her couch.
73
00:02:34,272 --> 00:02:35,731
Oh, no!
74
00:02:35,732 --> 00:02:37,566
Maybe she's upset because I
didn't fold the blanket after.
75
00:02:37,567 --> 00:02:39,318
What a rude house guest! Dude.
76
00:02:39,319 --> 00:02:42,863
You literally ruin every story,
even the interesting ones.
77
00:02:42,864 --> 00:02:44,740
But she keeps peeking
over and smiling.
78
00:02:47,994 --> 00:02:49,745
Good. Very casual.
79
00:02:49,746 --> 00:02:51,414
Why would she be
interested in me?
80
00:02:51,415 --> 00:02:54,041
'Cause you're nothing like the
bad boys she's used to dating.
81
00:02:54,042 --> 00:02:55,876
You're actually a
little sweetie pie.
82
00:02:55,877 --> 00:02:57,878
It's disgusting, but she
likes what she likes.
83
00:02:57,879 --> 00:03:00,006
Now go ask her out. Come on.
84
00:03:00,966 --> 00:03:03,217
Hey, Carmen. What's good...
85
00:03:03,218 --> 00:03:04,301
in the hood?
86
00:03:05,846 --> 00:03:08,764
Now, I feel like we
haven't talked in a while.
87
00:03:08,765 --> 00:03:10,558
Well, I guess things
have been busy,
88
00:03:10,559 --> 00:03:12,143
what with the holidays
and the excitement
89
00:03:12,144 --> 00:03:14,145
about the closing of
the calendar year.
90
00:03:16,690 --> 00:03:17,940
Whoa.
91
00:03:17,941 --> 00:03:19,859
Uh, what was that for?
92
00:03:19,860 --> 00:03:22,194
Mistletoe.
93
00:03:22,195 --> 00:03:24,905
Oh! Thank you, magical
Christmas vegetation!
94
00:03:24,906 --> 00:03:26,866
You are too cute.
95
00:03:26,867 --> 00:03:30,119
So, um, you think, uh, maybe...
96
00:03:30,120 --> 00:03:32,788
And you're free to say
no, I won't be upset.
97
00:03:32,789 --> 00:03:34,623
I mean, I will, but
that's not your problem...
98
00:03:34,624 --> 00:03:36,000
Are you asking me out?
99
00:03:36,001 --> 00:03:38,627
Yyyyy-nnnnnnn... Yes?
100
00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:41,630
It took you long enough.
101
00:03:41,631 --> 00:03:43,299
Well, first eggnog's on me
102
00:03:43,300 --> 00:03:44,967
because people have been crazy
generous with their tips.
103
00:03:44,968 --> 00:03:46,260
I don't mean to objectify you,
104
00:03:46,261 --> 00:03:47,428
but I think you're
being rewarded
105
00:03:47,429 --> 00:03:48,721
because you're so pretty.
106
00:03:48,722 --> 00:03:49,972
You think I'm pretty?
107
00:03:49,973 --> 00:03:52,266
Oh, wow, I was
accidentally smooth.
108
00:03:52,267 --> 00:03:54,435
I mean... Yeah,
girl.
109
00:03:54,436 --> 00:03:55,853
You fine.
110
00:03:55,854 --> 00:03:57,146
Shh.
111
00:03:57,147 --> 00:03:58,647
Mistletoe.
112
00:04:01,276 --> 00:04:02,610
While things were
looking up with Carmen,
113
00:04:02,611 --> 00:04:04,904
my mom was giving Lou and Linda
114
00:04:04,905 --> 00:04:07,114
the lowdown on her big
threat to Hanukkah.
115
00:04:07,115 --> 00:04:08,949
Thank you for convening
for our first ever
116
00:04:08,950 --> 00:04:10,993
Council of Grandparents meeting.
117
00:04:10,994 --> 00:04:12,411
That sounds like nonsense,
118
00:04:12,412 --> 00:04:14,038
but you made coffee
cake, so I'm here.
119
00:04:14,039 --> 00:04:17,291
I found this monstrosity
in Muriel's crib!
120
00:04:17,292 --> 00:04:19,585
Is that Mrs. Garrett
from "The Facts of Life"?
121
00:04:19,586 --> 00:04:20,753
No. Are you sure?
122
00:04:20,754 --> 00:04:22,171
She's got that apron.
123
00:04:22,172 --> 00:04:23,756
Can we go one day without
124
00:04:23,757 --> 00:04:24,924
you talking about
Mrs. Garrett?
125
00:04:24,925 --> 00:04:26,300
Here's a fact of life...
126
00:04:26,301 --> 00:04:27,510
No.
127
00:04:27,511 --> 00:04:31,972
It's Mrs. Claus. Of
the North Pole Clauses?
128
00:04:31,973 --> 00:04:33,933
Our children bought this
for our granddaughter,
129
00:04:33,934 --> 00:04:36,685
and despite my protestations,
she is keeping it.
130
00:04:36,686 --> 00:04:38,979
Oh, no, she's not! Why not?
131
00:04:38,980 --> 00:04:41,315
This toy is a
gateway to Christmas.
132
00:04:41,316 --> 00:04:42,608
Thank you.
133
00:04:42,609 --> 00:04:44,318
First the baby
loves this old lady,
134
00:04:44,319 --> 00:04:46,820
next thing you know, she's
making gingerbread houses
135
00:04:46,821 --> 00:04:49,240
and talking lovingly
about Connecticut.
136
00:04:49,241 --> 00:04:50,950
And then we've lost her forever.
137
00:04:50,951 --> 00:04:51,992
Because of a toy?
138
00:04:51,993 --> 00:04:54,161
They have better music.
139
00:04:54,162 --> 00:04:56,997
They get to put trees
in their houses.
140
00:04:56,998 --> 00:04:59,458
Oh! Spiral cut ham!
141
00:04:59,459 --> 00:05:01,418
My God, that baby is doomed.
142
00:05:01,419 --> 00:05:04,338
Maybe Muriel could have a
little bit of Christmas.
143
00:05:04,339 --> 00:05:06,340
My cousin's
gynecologist's daughter
144
00:05:06,341 --> 00:05:08,092
celebrated Christmas once
145
00:05:08,093 --> 00:05:10,302
and got all caught
up in the spirit.
146
00:05:10,303 --> 00:05:13,013
Well, she fell off a
ladder hanging ornaments,
147
00:05:13,014 --> 00:05:14,515
broke her pelvis,
148
00:05:14,516 --> 00:05:17,643
and now she water-skis
from a special chair.
149
00:05:17,644 --> 00:05:20,187
So she's still kinda doing it?
150
00:05:20,188 --> 00:05:22,356
Our people don't
water-ski, Linda!
151
00:05:22,357 --> 00:05:24,400
I don't care how many
pelvises you have.
152
00:05:24,401 --> 00:05:26,777
We have to put a stop
to this, but how?
153
00:05:26,778 --> 00:05:29,488
Maybe the toy goes missing.
154
00:05:29,489 --> 00:05:30,739
Mm-hmm.
155
00:05:30,740 --> 00:05:34,118
Babies lose things all the time.
156
00:05:34,119 --> 00:05:36,996
No, they don't. She
lives in a crib.
157
00:05:36,997 --> 00:05:40,040
Listen to me very
carefully, Linda.
158
00:05:40,041 --> 00:05:44,461
Mrs. Kringle here is gonna
sleep with the fishes.
159
00:05:44,462 --> 00:05:46,005
Is that supposed to be menacing?
160
00:05:46,006 --> 00:05:47,881
Because it looks like
you ate a bad egg.
161
00:05:47,882 --> 00:05:50,426
Lou scares no one, but
the sentiment is right.
162
00:05:50,427 --> 00:05:53,178
Yay! We're gonna
whack a child's toy!
163
00:05:53,179 --> 00:05:55,806
Ho, ho, ho.
164
00:05:55,807 --> 00:05:58,017
While the grandparents
were planning a hit,
165
00:05:58,018 --> 00:05:59,893
Dave Kim and I were
hitting the town.
166
00:05:59,894 --> 00:06:01,770
Carmen just walked
up to me in the diner
167
00:06:01,771 --> 00:06:03,522
and had to have me.
168
00:06:03,523 --> 00:06:04,690
That's remarkable.
169
00:06:04,691 --> 00:06:05,983
Even as I hear it a third time.
170
00:06:05,984 --> 00:06:08,694
Sorry. How's your
romantic life at NYU?
171
00:06:08,695 --> 00:06:10,863
My roommate seems to be
getting tons of action.
172
00:06:10,864 --> 00:06:13,741
Sometimes I wake up to his
guest's enthusiastic noises,
173
00:06:13,742 --> 00:06:15,367
so I'm kinda part of it.
174
00:06:15,368 --> 00:06:17,119
Oh, balls.
175
00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:18,787
Balls, indeed.
176
00:06:18,788 --> 00:06:21,498
It was my ex-girlfriend, and
she was headed right for me.
177
00:06:21,499 --> 00:06:23,125
Hey, guys. Brea!
178
00:06:23,126 --> 00:06:24,835
I didn't know you were
back from Brown yet.
179
00:06:24,836 --> 00:06:26,545
Sorry. I-I was gonna call you.
180
00:06:26,546 --> 00:06:28,005
Joanne picked me up
from the train station
181
00:06:28,006 --> 00:06:29,506
and we just came straight here.
182
00:06:29,507 --> 00:06:31,050
I wasn't aware you two were
183
00:06:31,051 --> 00:06:33,218
"get each other from the
train station" type homies.
184
00:06:33,219 --> 00:06:37,056
Well, when you date a Goldberg,
you're homies for life.
185
00:06:37,057 --> 00:06:38,515
You know, 'cause they crazy.
186
00:06:39,684 --> 00:06:42,102
Good stuff.
187
00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:45,189
Sure, it was awkward
running into my ex,
188
00:06:45,190 --> 00:06:46,857
but we seemed to
be in a good place.
189
00:06:46,858 --> 00:06:48,818
Brea! Or so I thought.
190
00:06:50,695 --> 00:06:53,530
Hey, bro. I'm Kirk,
Brea's boyfriend.
191
00:06:53,531 --> 00:06:57,493
My world was upside down,
and I needed answers.
192
00:06:57,494 --> 00:06:59,036
She has a boyfriend?!
193
00:06:59,037 --> 00:07:00,162
And you knew?!
194
00:07:00,163 --> 00:07:01,663
You and Brea aren't
together anymore.
195
00:07:01,664 --> 00:07:03,499
Broken up, split,
nada, no moresies.
196
00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:05,292
I knew this would happen.
197
00:07:05,293 --> 00:07:06,919
I just thought it would
be in a distant future
198
00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:08,295
where there are flying cars
199
00:07:08,296 --> 00:07:09,880
and love is just
a pill you take.
200
00:07:09,881 --> 00:07:12,549
But it's now. Today.
201
00:07:12,550 --> 00:07:14,802
Barry, did you know about Kirk?
202
00:07:14,803 --> 00:07:16,762
I'm meeting him
tonight. Tonight?
203
00:07:16,763 --> 00:07:18,555
Everyone is moving so fast.
204
00:07:18,556 --> 00:07:21,433
Relax, it's just dinner at
a fast-casual restaurant.
205
00:07:21,434 --> 00:07:24,436
My brother is double-dating
with my girlfriend?
206
00:07:24,437 --> 00:07:25,896
Ex-girlfriend!
207
00:07:25,897 --> 00:07:27,773
Dissolved, terminated,
undone, splintered,
208
00:07:27,774 --> 00:07:29,525
poof, the Grand Canyon.
209
00:07:29,526 --> 00:07:31,944
But Brea and I still
talk all the time.
210
00:07:31,945 --> 00:07:33,278
Why hasn't she mentioned him?
211
00:07:33,279 --> 00:07:34,947
Maybe because she knew
you would act all nuts,
212
00:07:34,948 --> 00:07:36,031
like you're doing now.
213
00:07:36,032 --> 00:07:37,533
You know what?
Don't worry, bro.
214
00:07:37,534 --> 00:07:39,076
I'm Team Adam.
215
00:07:39,077 --> 00:07:40,869
I'm gonna destroy
this kid tonight.
216
00:07:40,870 --> 00:07:42,246
Thank you! Come again?
217
00:07:42,247 --> 00:07:45,207
I'm sorry, Joanne, but it is
my fraternal duty to humiliate
218
00:07:45,208 --> 00:07:47,835
and debase his ex-paramour's
current steady.
219
00:07:47,836 --> 00:07:50,087
Whatever. I'm
getting two wines.
220
00:07:50,088 --> 00:07:53,465
Thanks, Bar. You're
finally a good person.
221
00:07:53,466 --> 00:07:56,260
While I was anxious for
Barry to bring down Kirk,
222
00:07:56,261 --> 00:07:58,429
the grandparents were trying
to keep Hanukkah alive.
223
00:07:58,430 --> 00:07:59,805
Oh, hey, Mom and Dad.
224
00:07:59,806 --> 00:08:01,098
Didn't know you were here.
225
00:08:01,099 --> 00:08:03,142
Do we need a reason
for hanging out?
226
00:08:03,143 --> 00:08:06,687
We're just enjoying
some of Beverly's...
227
00:08:06,688 --> 00:08:08,105
periodicals.
228
00:08:08,106 --> 00:08:10,399
Fun stuff. I'm going
to change the baby.
229
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:12,901
Is it weird that I love
her little tushie so much?
230
00:08:12,902 --> 00:08:14,611
No, it is not
weird.
231
00:08:18,575 --> 00:08:19,575
Do you hear something?
232
00:08:19,576 --> 00:08:20,452
Yeah. What is that?
233
00:08:24,789 --> 00:08:27,207
What the hell? Mrs. Claus!
234
00:08:27,208 --> 00:08:29,626
Okay. Which one of
you made Santa single?
235
00:08:29,627 --> 00:08:31,253
Damn it, Linda!
236
00:08:31,254 --> 00:08:32,172
You were supposed to rip the
music box out of her belly
237
00:08:32,173 --> 00:08:33,422
so she'd stay quiet!
238
00:08:33,423 --> 00:08:35,549
Why am I on dismemberment duty?
239
00:08:35,550 --> 00:08:37,634
Okay, this is very, very dark.
240
00:08:37,635 --> 00:08:38,635
It doesn't matter.
241
00:08:38,636 --> 00:08:40,471
What matters is that this family
242
00:08:40,472 --> 00:08:42,848
is not in the market
for any new traditions.
243
00:08:42,849 --> 00:08:44,767
Last time I checked,
you weren't in charge
244
00:08:44,768 --> 00:08:45,809
of how we raise our baby.
245
00:08:45,810 --> 00:08:47,686
No, you are not.
246
00:08:47,687 --> 00:08:49,521
And maybe we don't even know how
we want to raise our child yet.
247
00:08:49,522 --> 00:08:50,731
No, we do not.
248
00:08:50,732 --> 00:08:52,232
What are you saying?
249
00:08:52,233 --> 00:08:53,942
What I'm saying is, you
may not be in the market
250
00:08:53,943 --> 00:08:56,487
for new traditions, but we are.
251
00:08:56,488 --> 00:08:57,988
May the best holiday win.
252
00:09:01,826 --> 00:09:04,829
Oh! I hate how cute she
looks in that Santa suit!
253
00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:10,042
My mom thought that
Erica's love for Christmas
254
00:09:10,043 --> 00:09:12,002
would be a phase, but
instead, she doubled down...
255
00:09:14,631 --> 00:09:16,465
Bah humbug!
256
00:09:16,466 --> 00:09:19,384
Even reading Muriel a
Dr. Seuss Christmas classic.
257
00:09:19,385 --> 00:09:22,471
"And the Grinch grabbed the
tree and he started to shove,
258
00:09:22,472 --> 00:09:25,349
when he heard a small sound
like the coo of a dove."
259
00:09:26,684 --> 00:09:29,520
Oh, no! That Grinch
is stealing Christmas.
260
00:09:29,521 --> 00:09:33,273
What kind of monster would
deny anyone Christmas?
261
00:09:33,274 --> 00:09:34,942
And it didn't stop
at the Grinch.
262
00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:48,831
Erica, I just love
your Christmas spirit.
263
00:09:48,832 --> 00:09:51,416
Oh, yep. I'm here for
all the right reasons.
264
00:09:51,417 --> 00:09:53,836
What an odd and
worrying thing to say.
265
00:09:55,839 --> 00:09:58,173
Oh, hi, Mom! Check us out!
266
00:09:58,174 --> 00:10:01,635
Grandma Ginzy is embracing
us with songs and merriment.
267
00:10:01,636 --> 00:10:03,512
No, no, no! No, no, no, no.
268
00:10:03,513 --> 00:10:04,888
I'm not part of this!
269
00:10:04,889 --> 00:10:06,849
The only baby in
my life is Jesus!
270
00:10:06,850 --> 00:10:09,726
Please don't hurt me!
271
00:10:09,727 --> 00:10:12,563
Erica had officially
gone too far.
272
00:10:12,564 --> 00:10:16,567
So my mom decided to fight
fire with religious fire.
273
00:10:16,568 --> 00:10:17,943
Hello, wayward sheep.
274
00:10:17,944 --> 00:10:19,361
What's going on here?
275
00:10:19,362 --> 00:10:21,113
And who's our yarmulked guest?
276
00:10:21,114 --> 00:10:22,739
This is Rabbi Adler.
277
00:10:22,740 --> 00:10:24,950
I thought I'd invite him over
for the first night of Hanukkah.
278
00:10:24,951 --> 00:10:26,869
Fifth. Get on with it.
279
00:10:26,870 --> 00:10:28,996
Tell us about all the delicious
food we can't eat, padre.
280
00:10:28,997 --> 00:10:31,331
Well, I'd start with
the shrimp parmesan
281
00:10:31,332 --> 00:10:32,457
your mother served me.
282
00:10:32,458 --> 00:10:33,750
God forgives!
283
00:10:33,751 --> 00:10:37,337
But you should know,
Erica was singing noels
284
00:10:37,338 --> 00:10:39,715
with the people that
buy all the poinsettias.
285
00:10:39,716 --> 00:10:41,633
Okay, I'm so confused.
286
00:10:41,634 --> 00:10:42,885
What's going on here, Dad?
287
00:10:42,886 --> 00:10:44,970
We all made a very
generous donation
288
00:10:44,971 --> 00:10:47,931
to the temple on
Muriel's behalf.
289
00:10:47,932 --> 00:10:50,893
They're finally gonna get
to reseal that parking lot.
290
00:10:50,894 --> 00:10:52,477
So while we were
having a date night,
291
00:10:52,478 --> 00:10:54,479
you were indoctrinating
our child?
292
00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:55,814
Well, I gotta hand it to you.
293
00:10:55,815 --> 00:10:57,232
It was a nice move,
294
00:10:57,233 --> 00:10:58,609
but I'm afraid you're
a little too late.
295
00:10:58,610 --> 00:11:00,277
What does that mean?
296
00:11:00,278 --> 00:11:02,446
It meant that Erica
had already gotten help
297
00:11:02,447 --> 00:11:05,115
turning Muriel's room into
a Christmas wonderland.
298
00:11:07,577 --> 00:11:09,870
Virginia Gregory Kremp!
299
00:11:09,871 --> 00:11:11,705
Okay, Erica asked me to do this,
300
00:11:11,706 --> 00:11:14,333
and it's the season for
giving, so I had to.
301
00:11:14,334 --> 00:11:15,709
I'm so scared.
302
00:11:15,710 --> 00:11:17,044
We've made our choice.
303
00:11:17,045 --> 00:11:19,296
Our child is a
Christmas baby now.
304
00:11:20,132 --> 00:11:21,381
I should skedaddle.
305
00:11:21,382 --> 00:11:22,716
Thank you for the new driveway.
306
00:11:22,717 --> 00:11:25,135
Happy Hanu... Holidays.
307
00:11:25,136 --> 00:11:26,970
Yep, Erica had created
Christmas cheer
308
00:11:26,971 --> 00:11:28,388
in the Goldberg house.
309
00:11:28,389 --> 00:11:31,600
Meanwhile, Barry was
determined to destroy Kirk.
310
00:11:31,601 --> 00:11:33,685
Ooh. I'm sorry, friend. Oh!
311
00:11:33,686 --> 00:11:35,187
I almost made you trip so badly,
312
00:11:35,188 --> 00:11:36,730
no woman could love
or respect you.
313
00:11:36,731 --> 00:11:38,315
No worries.
314
00:11:38,316 --> 00:11:40,692
But that was gonna be
harder than he thought.
315
00:11:40,693 --> 00:11:45,155
Fun idea... Should we
get all 27 cheesecakes?
316
00:11:45,156 --> 00:11:46,740
That's not a fun idea.
317
00:11:49,827 --> 00:11:52,037
That's a perfect one, Kirk.
318
00:11:52,038 --> 00:11:53,205
Hello, dummies.
319
00:11:53,206 --> 00:11:54,539
You can't get all
the cheesecakes.
320
00:11:54,540 --> 00:11:56,583
That's like $200.
321
00:11:56,584 --> 00:11:59,753
Despite Barry's best efforts
to make life hell for Kirk,
322
00:11:59,754 --> 00:12:01,129
it wasn't happening...
323
00:12:01,130 --> 00:12:03,548
because Kirk was kinda great.
324
00:12:03,549 --> 00:12:04,925
I can't tell you
how much I admire
325
00:12:04,926 --> 00:12:06,468
that you're studying
to be a doctor.
326
00:12:06,469 --> 00:12:08,428
Oh. Y-You could try.
327
00:12:09,472 --> 00:12:10,514
Cheers.
328
00:12:10,515 --> 00:12:11,807
And specifically,
329
00:12:11,808 --> 00:12:13,141
he was Barry's kind of great.
330
00:12:13,142 --> 00:12:15,018
You are so much
more jacked than me.
331
00:12:15,019 --> 00:12:16,770
Eh, you're squeezing
too hard, but yeah.
332
00:12:16,771 --> 00:12:18,438
And finally...
333
00:12:18,439 --> 00:12:21,692
Ninjas are by far the warriors
that I respect the most.
334
00:12:21,693 --> 00:12:23,694
After dinner, we'll
put on black pajamas
335
00:12:23,695 --> 00:12:25,821
and pretend to kill a shogun.
336
00:12:25,822 --> 00:12:27,489
Yeah! Yes!
337
00:12:27,490 --> 00:12:29,449
Yep, Barry's feelings
for Brea's new beau
338
00:12:29,450 --> 00:12:30,993
were not what I expected.
339
00:12:30,994 --> 00:12:33,829
I love Kirk.
340
00:12:33,830 --> 00:12:34,997
Whatever. He's just a rebound.
341
00:12:34,998 --> 00:12:36,081
He's not even Brea's type.
342
00:12:36,082 --> 00:12:39,501
Adam, look at me.
He's everybody's type.
343
00:12:39,502 --> 00:12:42,129
Sorry, bud, but maybe you
should give him a chance.
344
00:12:42,130 --> 00:12:44,256
He's coming with Brea to
the JTP's holiday party.
345
00:12:44,257 --> 00:12:46,299
You mean the thing I'm
definitely not going to now?
346
00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:48,927
Then you'll be missing out on
a lot of funny Kirk stories.
347
00:12:48,928 --> 00:12:53,598
One time, he jumped so high,
he almost touched a branch.
348
00:12:53,599 --> 00:12:54,850
He tells it better.
349
00:12:54,851 --> 00:12:55,976
You guys have fun.
350
00:12:55,977 --> 00:12:58,145
I'll be home,
imagining the worst.
351
00:12:58,146 --> 00:13:00,897
Adam, you don't have to
go to the party alone.
352
00:13:00,898 --> 00:13:03,191
Why don't you invite
that girl from the diner?
353
00:13:03,192 --> 00:13:04,735
Carmen. Of course.
354
00:13:04,736 --> 00:13:06,194
She's as pretty as Kirk is.
355
00:13:06,195 --> 00:13:09,072
And once Brea sees her,
we'll both be miserable!
356
00:13:09,073 --> 00:13:10,615
It's
a perfect plan.
357
00:13:10,616 --> 00:13:13,535
As I was excited to ruin
Brea's relationship with Kirk,
358
00:13:13,536 --> 00:13:16,038
Erica was disappointed
to find Christmas erased
359
00:13:16,039 --> 00:13:17,289
from the baby's nursery.
360
00:13:17,290 --> 00:13:19,458
Mom!
361
00:13:19,459 --> 00:13:21,334
You just couldn't help
yourself, could you?
362
00:13:21,335 --> 00:13:22,586
Excuse me?
363
00:13:22,587 --> 00:13:24,337
Sure, I got a
little carried away,
364
00:13:24,338 --> 00:13:25,589
but this is too far!
365
00:13:25,590 --> 00:13:27,132
Well, that certainly
does sound like me,
366
00:13:27,133 --> 00:13:28,717
but I don't know what
you're talking about.
367
00:13:28,718 --> 00:13:31,511
You ripped down all of
the baby's decorations.
368
00:13:31,512 --> 00:13:33,138
You're the Grinch
who stole Christmas.
369
00:13:33,139 --> 00:13:34,723
Erica, I didn't
so it. I swear.
370
00:13:34,724 --> 00:13:36,641
Stop. It was me, okay?
371
00:13:36,642 --> 00:13:38,393
I'm the Grinch.
372
00:13:38,394 --> 00:13:40,312
Everyone happy?
373
00:13:40,313 --> 00:13:42,606
With that, Geoff had
spilled his secret.
374
00:13:42,607 --> 00:13:45,317
Meanwhile, it was time for
my plan to take down Kirk...
375
00:13:45,318 --> 00:13:46,985
A secret gift for Brea
376
00:13:46,986 --> 00:13:49,446
that would remind her
of everything we had.
377
00:13:49,447 --> 00:13:51,615
Hey, everyone. I'd like
you to meet Carmen.
378
00:13:51,616 --> 00:13:53,116
Welcome. Hey.
379
00:13:53,117 --> 00:13:54,493
Is this one of those "Can't
Buy Me Love" situations
380
00:13:54,494 --> 00:13:55,952
where you're paying her
to be your girlfriend
381
00:13:55,953 --> 00:13:57,579
with the earnings from your
successful mowing business?
382
00:13:57,580 --> 00:13:59,164
No, it's not.
383
00:13:59,165 --> 00:14:00,373
Didn't hurt to ask.
384
00:14:00,374 --> 00:14:02,542
In fact, it did.
385
00:14:02,543 --> 00:14:05,962
Alright, everybody's here.
Ruffles are on our one plate.
386
00:14:05,963 --> 00:14:08,215
Yankee Swap time! Whoo!
387
00:14:08,216 --> 00:14:11,760
So everyone takes a number, and
put your presents on the table.
388
00:14:11,761 --> 00:14:13,178
Yankee Swap?
389
00:14:13,179 --> 00:14:14,888
It's just a way for Barry
and his cheap buddies
390
00:14:14,889 --> 00:14:16,932
to get out of buying
everyone a gift.
391
00:14:16,933 --> 00:14:19,100
Alright.
392
00:14:19,101 --> 00:14:23,146
Now, if your present is
awesome, you can keep it.
393
00:14:23,147 --> 00:14:27,234
But if your present is trash,
you can steal someone else's.
394
00:14:27,235 --> 00:14:31,154
Lastly, if your present is
stolen, you can pick a new one.
395
00:14:31,155 --> 00:14:32,364
Who's got number one?
396
00:14:32,365 --> 00:14:33,365
Ooh! I do!
397
00:14:33,366 --> 00:14:34,534
Let's go!
398
00:14:37,036 --> 00:14:39,913
Ah! "The Shining"
by Stephen King.
399
00:14:39,914 --> 00:14:41,164
Well, the movie was hilarious,
400
00:14:41,165 --> 00:14:43,041
so let's see what
chuckles the book brings.
401
00:14:43,042 --> 00:14:45,126
Words on paper?
Lame. Who's next?
402
00:14:45,127 --> 00:14:46,336
I'm the deuce.
403
00:14:47,755 --> 00:14:50,841
Oh! A Discman?
404
00:14:50,842 --> 00:14:52,634
No way. Oh!
405
00:14:52,635 --> 00:14:54,553
I bought that, Kirk.
406
00:14:54,554 --> 00:14:56,221
I'm the one who
made you this happy.
407
00:14:56,222 --> 00:14:57,764
Barry, that's too expensive.
408
00:14:57,765 --> 00:14:59,307
I'm number three.
409
00:14:59,308 --> 00:15:02,352
Which means, of course,
I will be taking that.
410
00:15:02,353 --> 00:15:03,979
Nooooo! It's cool.
411
00:15:03,980 --> 00:15:05,689
Bar, I'll just get
something else.
412
00:15:05,690 --> 00:15:07,065
It's okay. Okay.
413
00:15:07,066 --> 00:15:08,942
And Kirk did get
something else...
414
00:15:08,943 --> 00:15:10,986
My secret present for Brea.
415
00:15:10,987 --> 00:15:12,195
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
416
00:15:12,196 --> 00:15:14,197
That's not meant for... Whoa.
417
00:15:14,198 --> 00:15:15,782
It's a necklace.
418
00:15:15,783 --> 00:15:18,410
Brea, help me get this
tasteful bad boy on.
419
00:15:18,411 --> 00:15:20,287
Not a lot of guys can
pull off a necklace,
420
00:15:20,288 --> 00:15:21,329
but leave it to Kirk.
421
00:15:21,330 --> 00:15:22,414
It looks like a locket.
422
00:15:22,415 --> 00:15:24,833
Nope. Definitely not a locket.
423
00:15:24,834 --> 00:15:29,296
Oh, Brea, it's you and...
424
00:15:29,297 --> 00:15:30,256
Adam.
425
00:15:30,257 --> 00:15:31,257
What?
426
00:15:31,258 --> 00:15:32,841
Yeah, same. What?
427
00:15:32,842 --> 00:15:34,467
So weird!
428
00:15:34,468 --> 00:15:36,928
Who brought this
incredibly intimate gift?
429
00:15:36,929 --> 00:15:38,013
It's clearly you.
430
00:15:38,014 --> 00:15:39,097
Scandalous.
431
00:15:39,098 --> 00:15:40,724
I have a Discman.
432
00:15:40,725 --> 00:15:42,017
Holidays. Am I right?
433
00:15:42,018 --> 00:15:43,518
So I'll be stealing that
back from you, Kirk,
434
00:15:43,519 --> 00:15:44,519
when it's my turn.
435
00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:46,021
Kirk can't catch a break.
436
00:15:46,022 --> 00:15:48,732
Hey, if you think about
it, he's the one who stole
437
00:15:48,733 --> 00:15:50,442
Brea from me in the first place.
438
00:15:50,443 --> 00:15:51,526
Stole me?
439
00:15:51,527 --> 00:15:52,819
Digging himself deeper.
440
00:15:52,820 --> 00:15:54,070
I'm outraged.
441
00:15:54,071 --> 00:15:55,947
It has a stabilizer for jogging.
442
00:15:55,948 --> 00:15:57,574
Let me explain.
443
00:15:57,575 --> 00:16:00,828
See, Kirk... sucks?
444
00:16:01,913 --> 00:16:02,705
Oh, my...
445
00:16:02,706 --> 00:16:03,955
Brea, wait!
446
00:16:03,956 --> 00:16:06,249
Adam, I was wrong about you.
447
00:16:06,250 --> 00:16:08,126
You are like all the
other guys I dated...
448
00:16:08,127 --> 00:16:09,210
A jerk.
449
00:16:09,211 --> 00:16:10,754
Carmen, wait!
450
00:16:10,755 --> 00:16:12,964
How dare you speak
to Kirk like that?
451
00:16:12,965 --> 00:16:15,300
Kirk, get our coats.
452
00:16:15,301 --> 00:16:16,968
Barry, wait!
453
00:16:21,474 --> 00:16:23,892
With Geoff having admitted
to out-Grinching Beverly,
454
00:16:23,893 --> 00:16:25,268
Erica was full of questions.
455
00:16:25,269 --> 00:16:27,312
Why the hell did
you steal Christmas?
456
00:16:27,313 --> 00:16:29,481
How the hell did
you steal Christmas?
457
00:16:29,482 --> 00:16:31,274
Well, it wasn't easy.
458
00:16:31,275 --> 00:16:34,527
I went in her room and saw
those candy canes hung in a row.
459
00:16:34,528 --> 00:16:38,823
"These candy canes," I said,
"are the first things to go."
460
00:16:38,824 --> 00:16:41,117
Okay, so you're gonna do the
whole Dr. Seuss rhyming thing?
461
00:16:41,118 --> 00:16:42,243
I'm just trying
to stay on theme.
462
00:16:42,244 --> 00:16:44,037
Alright, well, keep
going until I figure out
463
00:16:44,038 --> 00:16:45,705
how to punch you without
leaving a bruise.
464
00:16:45,706 --> 00:16:48,208
I slithered and slunk. Slunk?
465
00:16:48,209 --> 00:16:50,168
But with a smile most pleasant,
466
00:16:50,169 --> 00:16:52,337
I went around the room
and I took every present.
467
00:16:52,338 --> 00:16:54,923
Sure, but how did you
manage to get the tree
468
00:16:54,924 --> 00:16:56,508
out of there without
anyone noticing?
469
00:16:56,509 --> 00:16:59,302
That was a toughie 'cause I
ran into a little setback.
470
00:16:59,303 --> 00:17:02,681
Geoff, why are you taking
out the Christmas tree?
471
00:17:02,682 --> 00:17:04,599
But you know me.
I'm smart and I'm slick.
472
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:07,394
So I thought up a lie and
I thought it up quick.
473
00:17:07,395 --> 00:17:08,853
'Cause I got an even better one.
474
00:17:08,854 --> 00:17:10,355
Oh, okay. Great!
475
00:17:10,356 --> 00:17:12,857
Seasons greetings. Yeah.
476
00:17:12,858 --> 00:17:15,485
What a fun little distraction
from the real question.
477
00:17:15,486 --> 00:17:16,945
Why did you do it?
478
00:17:16,946 --> 00:17:18,822
Erica, I know
Christmas is wonderful.
479
00:17:18,823 --> 00:17:20,907
Everyone knows
Christmas is wonderful.
480
00:17:20,908 --> 00:17:22,701
But it's not who we are.
481
00:17:22,702 --> 00:17:25,453
But it can be. Why?
482
00:17:25,454 --> 00:17:27,288
Because you want to throw
it in our parents' faces,
483
00:17:27,289 --> 00:17:29,499
or because it's actually
meaningful to you?
484
00:17:29,500 --> 00:17:32,043
What if the throwing it in their
faces is what's meaningful?
485
00:17:33,337 --> 00:17:36,506
Look, I know I haven't always
been the most observant,
486
00:17:36,507 --> 00:17:37,924
but our traditions matter to me,
487
00:17:37,925 --> 00:17:41,052
and I thought they
mattered to you, too.
488
00:17:41,053 --> 00:17:42,470
They do.
489
00:17:42,471 --> 00:17:44,848
Well, I want Muriel to
be raised like we were.
490
00:17:44,849 --> 00:17:47,642
Because she's part of us.
491
00:17:47,643 --> 00:17:49,352
The best part of us.
492
00:17:51,480 --> 00:17:55,066
Okay, so our baby won't
be a Christmas kid.
493
00:17:55,067 --> 00:17:56,443
But can we at least use
some of the presents
494
00:17:56,444 --> 00:17:57,777
for her first Hanukkah?
495
00:17:57,778 --> 00:17:59,821
Oh, you mean these?
496
00:18:03,117 --> 00:18:05,827
Worst Grinch ever.
497
00:18:05,828 --> 00:18:08,788
Geoff had
managed to save the holidays.
498
00:18:08,789 --> 00:18:11,708
Meanwhile, I was trying
to save face with Brea.
499
00:18:11,709 --> 00:18:15,253
Hey. So, that was strange.
500
00:18:15,254 --> 00:18:16,963
I wonder who made it strange.
501
00:18:16,964 --> 00:18:20,675
Look, I was blindsided
seeing you with a guy.
502
00:18:20,676 --> 00:18:21,635
You never mentioned him.
503
00:18:21,636 --> 00:18:23,803
I'm sorry.
504
00:18:23,804 --> 00:18:26,806
But it's hard to say out
loud that we're moving on.
505
00:18:26,807 --> 00:18:28,308
Obviously, for both of us.
506
00:18:28,309 --> 00:18:30,185
It might just be one of us.
507
00:18:30,186 --> 00:18:32,645
Carmen looked a tiny bit upset.
508
00:18:32,646 --> 00:18:34,439
You'll figure it out.
509
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:35,690
I hope so.
510
00:18:35,691 --> 00:18:36,901
She's great.
511
00:18:38,652 --> 00:18:43,948
And, for what it's worth,
Kirk seems great, too.
512
00:18:43,949 --> 00:18:45,325
I should apologize to him.
513
00:18:45,326 --> 00:18:47,369
I think there's someone else
you should talk to first.
514
00:18:47,370 --> 00:18:49,662
You're right.
515
00:18:49,663 --> 00:18:52,749
I always am.
516
00:18:52,750 --> 00:18:54,709
Now go.
517
00:18:54,710 --> 00:18:57,754
Just know, I'm happy for you.
518
00:18:57,755 --> 00:18:58,880
Seriously.
519
00:19:01,967 --> 00:19:04,094
Happy Holidays, Adam Goldberg.
520
00:19:04,095 --> 00:19:05,887
Happy Holidays, Brea Bee.
521
00:19:09,100 --> 00:19:12,060
It was weird, but I
actually felt okay.
522
00:19:12,061 --> 00:19:14,270
I realized I had
just been holding on to the past
523
00:19:14,271 --> 00:19:16,481
by trying to hold on to Brea...
524
00:19:16,482 --> 00:19:19,110
when there was something pretty
amazing right in front of me.
525
00:19:21,153 --> 00:19:22,153
Yeah?
526
00:19:22,154 --> 00:19:24,197
Carmen, I don't deserve it,
527
00:19:24,198 --> 00:19:25,907
but can I please try
to make up for tonight?
528
00:19:25,908 --> 00:19:27,325
It's fine.
529
00:19:27,326 --> 00:19:29,661
Clearly, you have unfinished
stuff with your ex.
530
00:19:29,662 --> 00:19:31,204
No, I don't.
531
00:19:31,205 --> 00:19:32,539
Not anymore.
532
00:19:32,540 --> 00:19:35,250
And I swear to you,
I am a good guy.
533
00:19:35,251 --> 00:19:37,836
The thing is, good guys
don't have to say that.
534
00:19:37,837 --> 00:19:39,379
They just are.
535
00:19:39,380 --> 00:19:42,674
Fair enough.
536
00:19:42,675 --> 00:19:43,967
Thank you for your time.
537
00:19:43,968 --> 00:19:46,970
So you're just gonna give up?
538
00:19:46,971 --> 00:19:49,931
I'm not worth fighting for?
539
00:19:49,932 --> 00:19:52,725
Okay. Well, here it goes.
540
00:19:52,726 --> 00:19:55,854
Carmen, I've had an
incredibly difficult year
541
00:19:55,855 --> 00:19:58,565
with a million
different setbacks,
542
00:19:58,566 --> 00:20:02,360
but seeing you every
day at the diner
543
00:20:02,361 --> 00:20:04,529
is the one thing
I look forward to,
544
00:20:04,530 --> 00:20:07,323
and I really don't
want to lose that.
545
00:20:09,535 --> 00:20:10,910
Then don't.
546
00:20:10,911 --> 00:20:12,704
Oh, whoa.
547
00:20:12,705 --> 00:20:14,873
You seem receptive.
548
00:20:14,874 --> 00:20:17,959
Little bit.
549
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:21,588
Guess what we're standing under?
550
00:20:21,589 --> 00:20:24,632
So the good guy gets the girl?
551
00:20:24,633 --> 00:20:26,509
We'll see.
552
00:20:33,601 --> 00:20:35,977
And that's the thing
about the holidays.
553
00:20:35,978 --> 00:20:38,646
Whether it's old traditions
that remind us who we are...
554
00:20:41,150 --> 00:20:42,901
or new experiences that
fill us with hope...
555
00:20:47,448 --> 00:20:50,074
being there for one
another always makes
556
00:20:50,075 --> 00:20:52,243
for a season full of joy
557
00:20:52,244 --> 00:20:55,038
that no Grinch could ever steal.
558
00:20:59,251 --> 00:21:01,878
What the hell am I looking
at? Are you bedazzling?!
559
00:21:01,879 --> 00:21:03,546
It's for the baby. Check it!
560
00:21:03,547 --> 00:21:05,465
"I love you a latke."
561
00:21:05,466 --> 00:21:06,883
Oh!
562
00:21:06,884 --> 00:21:08,593
My perfect angel is so clever!
563
00:21:08,594 --> 00:21:11,429
And on the back...
564
00:21:11,430 --> 00:21:13,014
"Oy to the world!"
565
00:21:13,015 --> 00:21:14,182
So many puns.
566
00:21:14,183 --> 00:21:16,643
I am dying from
holiday happiness.
567
00:21:16,644 --> 00:21:18,478
Yeah. I did learn
from the best.
568
00:21:18,479 --> 00:21:20,063
You cherish and honor me.
569
00:21:20,064 --> 00:21:21,856
But your sewing is
crap. Give it to me.
570
00:21:21,857 --> 00:21:23,816
I'll redo it and make five more.41547
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof