All language subtitles for The.Goldbergs.2013.S10E08.720p.AMZN.WEBRip.x264-GalaxyTV

Back in the '80s,
no one hosted Thanksgiving

like my mom.

From turkey to taters, her
dinners were legendary.

And no one loved them more
than me and my brother, Barry.

It's 24 hours
until Thanksgiving,

and soon we will stuff our faces

to the point of
overwhelming nausea...

Just like the pilgrims first did

many years ago. America!

We overeat to honor
those who cannot,

which is why I
created a food plan

so we can ensure our stomachs
are properly expanded.

Wake up at 3:00 A. M. to
eat 1.75 Toaster Strudels?

It is crazy how much I'm
learning in med school.

Beverly, we're here.

Hi, Linda. Here ya go.

Why are you giving
away the dishes

that hold my Thanksgiving foods

before they enter my
mouth and fill my belly?

Well, it felt weird to
have Thanksgiving here

without your dad,

so I told Linda
she could host it.

Oh, Lou, grab a dish.

Sadly, I cannot.

I sprained my wrist
opening jars for Linda.

He has very sensitive joints.
That's why I mow the lawn.

Enough with your obviously
fractured marriage.

I heard the word "jars".

You do know everything must
be homemade from scratch,

including 12
in-season fruit pies?

And that means fruit
from trees, Linda.

Boys, be nice!

What her food lacks in taste
it more than makes up for

with its disturbing
presentation.

Thank you. Wha... Wait, what?

Mom, you can't do this to us.

This blows.

I have nothing to
be thankful for,

except all the
world has given me.

- Dad wouldn't want this.
- The boy's right.

No one hated Linda's
cooking more than Murray.

Maybe the best way to honor Dad

this year for Thanksgiving

is to have it right
where it should be...

Right here at home.

Oh, it's sweet how much
it means to you two.

So what do you say, Mama?

Well, it's a lot of work
in a short amount of time,

but...

Thanksgiving is back
at the Goldbergs'!

Huzzah! Yes!

Thanksgiving is
saved from Linda!

Lou.

Captions by VITAC...

It was the day before
Thanksgiving, 1980-something,

and while the rest of us had
to wait to stuff ourselves,

my niece had already
started her feast.

Erica, I'm desperately seeking

my "Desperately Seeking
Susan" video and...

Sister parts!

I'll come back or
not. Please, don't go.

I could really use
some human interaction.

Seems to me you're having a
very intense human interaction.

Well, I would talk to
Geoff, but he's not here.

You know where he is?

Somewhere he's not confronted

with the mysteries
of the female body?

The twerp's actually
out for a run.

Good for him, moving his body.

Not my bag, but some
people swear by it.

He's training for
the Turkey Trot.

Living his best life.

Meanwhile, I'm cooped
up here every morning.

Shoot,
I lost track.

Do you remember which breast
she was on when you came in?

You really can't sense other
people's discomfort, can you?

Baby, younger baby, guess what.

Five miles in under 32 minutes.

That's awesome or terrible.

It's a sport, so I famously
don't know the ins and outs.

Here I was thinking that having
a baby would slow me down.

If anything, my
times are improving.

Great story. Well told.

Oh, and I borrowed your
Vaseline for my nipples.

Runner's World said that
it helps prevent chafing,

which I was starting
to have an issue with.

Oh, were your nipples
a source of discomfort?

But no more, thanks
to a generous glop

of medicinal jelly.

Okay. Get the out.

What? What?

I said get out of here and
take a shower, you maniac.

Oh, right.

Yeah, back in a bit.

God, I have so
much energy. Whoo!

What about me?

I'd like to run, but no,
I'm a lonely dairy cow.

And do lonely dairy
cows get to run?

I'm gonna say... no?

No, we don't.

We just sit here smelling
like spit-up and despair

while the life force is
literally drained from us.

And what's drained from me

is the desire to ever
drink milk again.

Goodbye.

While Erica overflowed
with resentment,

Barry and Pop-Pop
were gobbling up

some Thanksgiving entertainment.

God, I love the parade.

The Clydesdales, the
floats, Ed McMahon.

It's basically
perfect entertainment.

At last year's, a
Rockette got cold.

You can't top that.

The grocery store was a zoo.

I had to fight a
woman for a yam.

The only thing
that got candied was her ass.

Your hands look full, so I'll
help you out by telling you now

I'd like a whole picnic
watermelon for lunch.

Barry, it's November.

Cubed, no seeds, in a glass bowl

so I can make sure
you made no mistakes.

Whoa, are we eating that yellow
dingbat from "Sesame Street"?

We need a big one.

Marvin's bringing a lady,

and I think it's a real
girlfriend this time

and not a bail bondswoman.

Marvin and some Jezebel?

Now I gotta say no to giving
money to two idiot grifters.

I have faith that this
year will be different.

Let's give Marvin and his likely
shifty girlfriend a chance.

Well, you do what you want.

I'm stashing my wallet
in the toilet tank.

Tell your mom not to seat me
near Marvin or his strumpet.

Probably won't pass that on.

We have real problems
brewing with Erica.

Yeah, she's really open with
the common area feedings.

We also need a better labeling
system for milk in the fridge.

Yeah, human bodies are insane,

but I mean she's gonna
ruin Thanksgiving.

Apparently, she's resentful
'cause Geoff is running.

Same thing with Uncle
Marvin and Pop-Pop,

except not at all about
running. What do we do?

Clearly, we have no choice

but to insert ourselves
into their problems

and make sure Thanksgiving
is a peaceful triumph,

or Mom will never
want to host it again.

She's been through
too much this year.

We have to make it
a joyous holiday

free of conflict and strife.

For Mom. Yes, for Mom.

But also for us.

A future of eating
Linda Schwartz's

Ritz Crackers appetizer?

She just fans them out.

I'll handle Uncle
Marvin and Pop-Pop,

you fix this Erica-Geoff drama.

We're gonna save Thanksgiving
for our beautiful mother.

What is going on with my fruit?

While Barry was gonna
iron out the kinks

with Marvin and Pop-Pop,

I was gonna smooth over Geoff
and Erica's troubled marriage.

There's the guy.

Oh, what fun banter.

Are we brothers-in-law

or brothers-in-
closeness-and-affection?

Small talk over.

Listen, you want
your wife to be happy

and not secretly
resentful, right?

Oh, no! Major
conversational tone change.

Erica's super jealous you get
to go running all the time.

So she wants to run?

I mean, Muriel was really
going to town on her,

so I wasn't completely present,

but she wouldn't stop
talking about running.

Okay. I know just what to do.

And so, armed with my limited
and inaccurate information,

he did this.

"Excited for you
to get out there!

Love, Geoff."

What the hell is this?

Whoa! Top-of-the-line
running shoes!

He wants me to run, does he?

Well, I'll run all right.

Great, run!

But why did the room
get so much colder?

Geoff thinks he's gonna win
that stupid race tomorrow?

But, oh, no, another turkey
has entered the Trot.

Love the determination,
but, reality check,

it's very unlikely you can
run a race faster than him.

Why the hell not?

For one, he's a real runner,
and earlier I saw you

eating a chicken pot
pie in the bathroom.

I am a mother! I
have to multi-task!

And maybe this present
has given me the edge

because now I have rage...

The rage of a new mom
who's just been called out

by her husband for
being out of shape.

Ohh!

Is that what's
happening right now?

Runner boy is going down.

Here I go.

I might not have
saved Thanksgiving.

While Erica was setting
out on a hate run,

Barry was determined
to keep things friendly

between Pop-Pop and Marvin.

Marvin's here.

Be nice, Pop-Pop.

Eh, I was nice
once, wasn't for me.

Barry, thank you for having us.

I brought flowers.

Probably picked 'em from
his neighbor's garden.

These are store-bought!

They're wrapped in
that fancy brown paper

like a dirty magazine.

Good afternoon, Father.
You're looking trim and hale.

And the yellow cardigan
really brings out

the jaundice in your eyes.

Trying the ol' pickpocket, huh?

Joke's on you, kid.

I hid my wallet, and I
don't even remember where.

Uncle Marvin, where's this
new girlfriend of yours?

She's parking the
Celica. Celica?

Don't you have some dumb vehicle

that perfectly illustrates
your terrible decision-making?

I don't know what
you mean. But he did.

There was a DeLorean, a red guy,

one he called "The Lady",

and, of course, the car
from "Knight Rider."

Sure, in the past, I
was fond of a big swing

in the transportation
department, but no more.

Toyota is the modest gal for me.

Speaking of modest gals.

Hello.
Don't be shy, sweetie.

She was a chatterbox
all the way here.

I was counting mailboxes.

What a
peach! This is Martha.

Hit 'em with the
million-watt smile.

Marvin, oh, it's
so good to see you!

And who is
this vision in brown?

Mom, this is Martha.

Why don't you take her and her
green beans into the kitchen

and show her how you
get yours extra creamy?

Oh, well, the trick is...
Heavy on the heavy cream.

I don't get it.

What, are you on the
run or something?

And what's with this disguise?

This is what I wear
now. I'm a bank teller.

Someone put you in
charge of money?

I
don't believe it.

Quick, what's the interest
rate on a high-yield CD?

8.2% compounded semi-annually.

Crap, that's too
boring to follow up on.

I understand how you
might be skeptical.

I've given you plenty of
reason to feel that way.

But things have changed for me.

Martha's given me a fresh start.

She's given me reason
to be a better man.

I just wish you could
be happy for me.

I suppose if you're happy
with this mousy broad,

then I'm happy, too.

Whoa.

Pop-Pop's mouth
crinkled up a little,

and it probably wasn't
from indigestion.

You must be feeling pretty good.

I hate my miserable life.

It was Thanksgiving.

Geoff and Erica were gearing
up for the Turkey Trot.

Hey, you two!

Everyone in here getting along

and running for all
the right reasons?

Oh, you know it.

It's just me, my two
legs, and the open road.

Melting away the
worries of the day.

Your teeth are gritted, but I'm
just gonna chalk that up to,

let's say, runner's high?

Oh, speaking of which, I'll
catch up with you guys later.

I want to get a pre-run
run in before the real run.

Bye. Oh. Bye.

So you're really gonna
rage-run against your husband

in a holiday race for charity?

Oh, no.

When I fell going up
the stairs yesterday

and couldn't get up
for half an hour,

I had time to come
up with a new plan.

Celebrate a peaceful
Thanksgiving

with everyone you love, I hope?

Get this.

He'll come home with
his first place medal,

naturally I'll be infuriated.

Sure, that tracks.

But I'm gonna let
my fury simmer.

Not simmering fury!

Until we're all sitting down
to say what we're thankful for.

And I'll say, "I'm not
thankful for anything,

because my piece-of-crap husband
only thinks about himself!"

That is not at all in the spirit

of a traditional
Thanksgiving toast!

Oh, once I see that
medal around his neck,

I'm gonna come in first
for ruining Thanksgiving.

Caw-caw, caw-caw. Adam!

Consider being a good person

while I attend to the
whippoorwill in our hallway.

Out here. Bird sounds.

Ad-Rock, we've got
a real problem.

Can't be worse than my thing.

Uncle Marvin hates
his boring life

and is crying in the basement.

I was wrong!

This is gonna be a
complete disaster!

But Mom needs a peaceful
and loving Thanksgiving.

Great news!

The 18 sticks of butter

I jammed under the
skin of the turkey

have finally dissolved,

but there's no one more juicy
and delicious than my boys.

Oh, yeah, we are.

You get everything right, Mama.

Oh, I have to say I'm
really glad you convinced me

to have the meal here.

Mwah!

Mwah!

Crap, did you see the
light in her eyes?

I don't wanna snuff
out Mama's light!

But if Geoff wins this race,

Erica's gonna blow
up Thanksgiving.

Unless you run that race.

Me run what now?

I'd easily do it myself,

but I'm tied up with
Marvin and Pop-Pop.

Wha... I can't beat him.

He's been training all month,

and my body isn't equipped
for more than strolling.

And you've been training
for this your entire life.

Being Cowboy #3
in "Oklahoma!",

standing next to a cone
when you had that job once,

and other relevant memories from
your past that prove my point.

Are you saying that even though
my upper torso is that of a boy,

my legs are somehow
built for speed?

Adam, I'm almost a doctor,

so I am confident that my
confidence in you is valid

and in no way a trauma response
to me seeing our uncle cry.

Fine!

I'll save the day
by dishonoring Geoff

so our sister will not
confront their marital issues.

So Barry convinced
me I could win.

Whether he could convince Marvin

that his life was on
track was a taller order.

I don't get it.

You got a great job,
you got a gre...

Grown lady,

and you smell less like
ground beef than usual.

My stupid boss said
I had to cover up

my natural scent with cologne

because it was "confusing
Judy's seeing-eye dog."

It's a step in the
right direction.

My musk is my thang, bro.

Do you know what I pray
for every single day?

A bank robbery.

I would rather be hog-tied
and stuffed in that vault

than have to stand at
that teller window.

If this is the beginning of
you asking me to join a heist,

I'm a tentative no.

If I hear Marco drone on

about his kid's little
league team one more time,

I will puncture my ears with
all of the chained pens.

They're 5-11, forget
the playoffs, dummy!

"I'm proud of him."

That's what your
father just said.

You hear that, Marvin?

His actual words were...

"Eh, I guess I'm
kinda proud of him.

Now move it, blondie,
I gotta take a whiz."

Slightly different but still
pretty good for that old walnut.

I'm sorry Murray missed this,

but you have made this a
Turkey Day to remember.

Yeah.

You can tell by his tears
that he's truly touched.

It's nice that he'd proud.

Of the fake me!

I can't believe that I
changed my life and my scent

to try to impress this man!

You seem to be winding
up to something.

It's time I tell my dad what
I really think about him.

Your mom said it's a
Turkey Day to remember.

Well, she ain't
seen nothing yet!

With that, my Uncle Marvin was
gonna stop hiding who he was.

Meanwhile, I was hiding
in a turkey costume

to beat Geoff in a race.

And while it seemed
almost impossible,

that day, something
amazing happened.

Go!

Despite my
years of skipped gym classes

and overwhelming fear
of physical activity,

I was fast.

I tapped into a well
of strength and speed

I never knew I had.

Whew!
That turkey's running

like he's got a lot on the line.

I was
racing for my mom.

I was racing to
save Thanksgiving.

And against all
the odds, I did it!

I won!

The
turkey has collapsed.

And here comes the pack.

Wait, isn't this
the finish line?

That's in about six miles.

You ran like 100 yards.

What?!

Oh. Oh, my God.

Oh, this is both horrifying
and undeniably hilarious.

My toe! My little toe!

It's critical for balance!

Barry and I were determined

to make it a great
Thanksgiving for our mom.

But tensions were simmering
as much as my mom's

triple-cheesy
potatoes au gratin.

Uh, without exaggeration,

I have literally pulled the
greatest meal in history

out of my remarkably
toned tuchus.

And everything
smells scrumptious, Bev.

And the painful sting of not
being on the original guest list

hasn't dampened my excitement.

Praise all.

Screw these place cards.

I wanna sit with
my boy, the banker.

Bank teller.

And I'll be happy to
sit next to you, Father.

We should probably
honor the place cards.

Since pilgrim times, they are
legally binding documents.

Your sketchy legal
knowledge is crazy wrong

but crazy hot, babe.

Marvin, you're over
here, next to me.

Great. So great.

Sorry, took a little while
to get down the steps.

It's not just my toe, it's
also the painful realization

that my name could've been
in the "Jenkintown Post".

I'm bummed you
didn't win, too, hon.

I was so rooting for you.

You win some, you lose some is
something people say, right?

It is disappointing, Geoffrey.

We cleared space on the
mantel for that trophy.

That damn turkey
came out of nowhere.

Son, what do you say
we go hunt turkeys?

I mean, that's something that
fathers and sons do together.

Oh, would that make you happy?

'Cause it's all
about your happiness?

Why's he saying weird things?

Pop-Pop's just looking
for a simple yes or no

on the killing of
innocent birds.

Speaking of innocent birds,

Beverly, that is
a thing of beauty.

Oh, thank you, Lou.

You know, the secret is
cutting your basting butter

with sour cream, buttermilk,
and melted Jolly Ranchers.

That explains the vibrant color.

I've never seen one that
looks so moist and juicy.

I make a turkey every year, Lou.

Both our statements
are true, Linda.

Who invited
Henny Youngman?

Sir, you are a comedic
dollop of Cool Whip

on my pumpkin pie.

Before we really dig in,
I have something to say.

We should eat first.
Everyone, take and pass.

Marvin, can you pass
the cornbread soufflé?

I'm sorry, do you have to
speak so loudly into my ear?

Uh, Marvin, tell us
more about the job.

I'm a bank teller.
I sit behind a cage.

And I get to see how much more
money everyone else has than me.

Boom! I think we fully covered
Marvin's career journey.

Next topic, let's say turtles.

Geoff, how many
turtles passed you

on the way to the finish line?

Mr. Glascott,

I'll bet you've got something
to say about turtles.

Indeed I do.

I had two turtles growing
up... Sheldon and Michelle.

So, is there a promotion
in your future?

Branch manager?

Marvin, you'd be a
great branch manager.

Why are we still talking
about Marvin's work?

The most important thing is

he won his cranky
father's love and respect.

End of story.

The turkey doesn't
even need the gravy.

Bev, you're a miracle worker.

Bar, can we come
here again next year?

Next year is my turn!

Maybe next year my husband
will run a marathon

while I'm home with the baby.

Or go climb Everest.

While those are both
on my bucket list,

why are you saying them
in such a mean tone?

Oh, I know how to reclaim
the elusive festive spirit.

Adam, why don't you go put on
that adorable turkey costume

you had on this morning.

Turkey costume?

No, no.

I was wearing Barry's
Eagles jersey.

Mr. Glascott gets his
large birds mixed up.

I can abide many an insult.

But I do not get my
large birds mixed up.

Adam, you're the
one that tripped me?

But why? I would've won!

Oh, who gives a crap?

It's all we've heard
about for weeks.

While I'm stuck at
home with our baby,

you're out having an
affair with the open road.

Guys, guys, I'm
trying to have a meal

with the son I finally love.

What you love is a sham.

You love what you
wish I could become.

Well, guess what?
Nobody guess.

I'm still me, damn it!

I tried.

I got a mind-numbing job.

I wore khakis.

I got a boring girlfriend.

Crud, it's happening again.

And for what?

For your happiness, not mine.

I didn't tell you to
get a boring girlfriend.

If you had a problem with me
running, why didn't you say so?

I shouldn't have to say so!

Adam, do something.

Oh, like you got a great handle

on the Marvin-Pop-Pop fiasco!

I knew you were
the wrong partner

to try to save
Thanksgiving with!

How dare you!

I entered a running
race for this.

A running race!

You know what? I'm
quitting my job.

Why would you do that?
'Cause it's not who I am.

I have a buddy who said
he's gonna cut me in

on an electric fork that
he's trying to invent.

That's who I am!

And, Martha. I don't care.

I'm sorry, Doll.
We had a good run.

It was just okay. See ya.

Can someone give me
a ride home later?

Excuse me.

I have something
to say. Excuse me.

As many of you know,
I was reluctant

to host Thanksgiving this year

because I was afraid it
wouldn't be like it always is.

Sorry, Mama.

We failed you.

No, you didn't.

Because you gave
me a Thanksgiving

that is exactly like
it always has been.

This is who we are.

I mean, sure, we argue,

but it all comes
from a place of love.

So thank you.

I'd like to say what
I'm thankful for.

There's a time
and a place, John.

Geoff, this may be hard
for you to understand,

but as joyful as it
is being a new mother,

it's very hard to watch your
husband living his best life

when you are healing from
an assault on your body.

Oh, God, Erica, I haven't
been nearly supportive enough.

I'm so sorry.

No, in all our years together,

you only had this
one tiny blind spot,

and I'm pretty
thankful for that.

And, Marvin,

you tried to change
because Murray isn't here,

didn't you? Well,
he was the good son.

And I thought that my dad
deserved that in his life

and instead all he got
was the same old screw-up.

Were you trying? For me?

Oh, I was the real screw-up.

I mean, I-I wasn't there for you
enough when you were growing up.

Yeah, but you're here now.

And I ain't going anywhere.

And, Lou, all those
terrible things you say

about your wife's cooking?

Keep them in your head...

like I do.

The truth is, she's
an amazing woman

and she puts up with
me all the time.

Yeah, Mom, you're the best.

I'd like to propose a toast.

To a perfect Thanksgiving.

To the perfect
Thanksgiving.

Perfect.

Thanksgiving can
be a tricky time.

It can be stressful,
bring out the worst in us.

Especially when
you're missing people

who've always been there.

But the best traditions endure.

Sometimes you even add
new faces to the mix.

And all these years later,

even though we're all grown up
and have families of our own,

we always come back to my mom's.

And it always feels like magic.

Ugh! Ugh, no.

I don't need to see
your lady business

as I eat my evening cereal.

Relax, this is
beautiful and natural.

So just get over it.

Hey, neighbors.

Oh, look at you.

Providing life-giving
nourishment.

Uh, this is a little...
What's the matter?

Not enjoying your invasive
neighbor eyeballing you?

I'm just gonna take the baby
upstairs for unrelated reasons.

So, Barry, you needed something?

That was it.