Original subtitles

LUST CINEMA PRESENTS

LOST IN L.A.

WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY DANA VESPOLI

Sedona, I'm just making notes

from that email that you forwarded to me.

- Ok. - About that coming shot.

Yeah.

This is Sedona Bergen.

Oh. Hi Grant.

Yeah. That's a... This is a really big surprise.

I tried calling you after that Hedonist party.

Oh, well. I understand.

Yeah. I am available tomorrow.

Sounds good. I will see you tomorrow.

Bye.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's ok. I'm just primping.

I was going to do the same.

You look really familiar.

Have you been to the Tate Miles gallery on Abbott Kinney?

No, but I own a gallery.

It's on Santa Monica Boulevard. Just opened.

Are you Sedona Bergen?

Yes. What's your name?

Sorry. I'm Amber Powell.

I run the Tate Miles gallery.

I read your write up, in the paper.

That's why you look so familiar.

Well, it's nice to meet you.

It's nice to meet you.

You look like you could use this.

Thanks. Is it that obvious?

A little bit.

It's my first time too.

Ah. So you sensed a kindred spirit.

So are you from L.A.?

No. Austin. Before that, Melbourne.

Hence the accent.

Exactly.

I'm sorry, Sedona. I've got to go.

- Is everything alright? - I apologize.

Sedona?

Yes. Hello.

I'm Melanie Reed.

- Mel Reed? - Yes.

I'm sorry. I was supposed to meet you on the floor.

- It's ok. - I had a phone call.

It's fine. I brought you my portfolio.

You might recognize some of the images that I submitted to you.

These are beautiful.

And timely.

Thank you.

I thought you were a man

because you put Mel Reed on the submission form.

Yeah. That wasn't an accident.

When I first started my career, modelling and ad agencies

didn't think a woman photographer could do quality work.

So I started submitting the images, instead of taking them in person

and I put Mel Reed on the business cards.

It actually helped.

That's really disconcerting.

A lot has changed for the better but, we still have ways to go.

- Do you know what I mean? - I do.

Wow. These are... These are...

stunningly realized.

I think your work will do really well here.

Do you think so? I'm so glad.

Let's touch base tomorrow.

I'd like to set up the time

to curate the work that makes the most sense for the gallery.

Ok. That sounds great.

We can discuss a theme and a date for the show.

It's perfect.

I'll call you tomorrow. It was lovely to meet you.

Great. Thank you so much.

- Nice to meet you. - Likewise.

Hey, you're home late.

I had a crazy day at the gallery too. It was...

What's wrong?

Amber...

I...

- I quit my job. - What?

- You quit your job! - I'm not happy, Amber.

Look, I just...

I just need some time to figure things out.

What are you going to do?

I don't know.

Probably...

go see my parents back in Melbourne.

Great. Fucking go.

Everyone told me I was having a midlife crisis.

But it was much more than that.

I saw a therapist who then recommended I see a psychiatrist

who prescribed the antidepressants.

Did the medication help?

Well, I felt numb. I was listless.

It didn't really do anything.

My problem wasn't depression. It was...

How do I put this...

It was a need for a meaningful life.

Whoa.

Yeah. I ended up in a bookstore.

And this is, I don't know... divine providence or something.

A book literally fell on my head.

- A book fell on you? - Yeah.

A clerk was stacking books and one fell on me as I passed by.

It was a book on ayahuasca.

What exactly is ayahuasca?

It's essentially a psychedelic drug

that is usually administered by a shaman in the form of a tea.

- And then, what happened? - Well, I bought the book!

Yeah. I bought the book

and then I contacted an organization that arranges Ayahuasca retreats.

All this happened inside of a week.

I left for the retreat and it profoundly changed me.

The experience was transformative.

It changed my life.

If you want to learn your truth, undo psychic and spiritual damage,

I urge you to try this.

You went on an Ayahuasca retreat!

You told me you were going to see your parents!

Look, I didn't tell you because it all sounded so crazy.

But, listen Amber.

I'm seeing things clearly now.

All of this. The house, my job.

This constant keeping up with the Joneses.

Our obsession with money and status.

- What are you talking about? - It's all bullshit, Amber.

Look. We can leave it all behind. We can live with some purpose.

I don't even know what you're talking about right now, Grant.

- Are you high right now? - No! I'm not high!

For first time in my life I'm seeing things clearly.

We can sell everything. We can move on with our lives.

And then, what?

Have you ever heard of minimalism, Amber?

Oh, God. Ok, Grant.

I'm really glad that you had a great time on your little drug trip in Peru.

It wasn't a drug trip!

Ok, yes. There was hallucinogen involved.

But it was so much more than that.

Anyway, whatever. It doesn't matter, Grant.

You fucking quit your job!

Without even talking to me first.

Then you told me you're going to Melbourne to see your parents

and you end up on some drug trip in Peru.

Then you come back here

and you tell me that you want to sell everything that we own.

And then, what? Live in a fucking van down by the river?

You make it sound so terrible, Amber.

Because it is terrible, Grant! I love my million-dollar home.

I love my Louis Vuittons.

Not to mention the gallery I've busted my ass for.

It's over, Grant.

I want a divorce.

Hi.

Yeah, it's good.

Yes. I'm just getting ready to prep for another show.

Yeah, as soon as I find out the dates, I'll let you know.

Oh, yeah. I did get the wire transfer.

Thank you. But it really wasn't necessary.

Yes, I understand that. But...

Thank you. I just...

Ok.

Bye, Leonard.

- Hey. - Hey.

It's been so long. It's good to see you again.

Yeah. Almost a year later.

Yeah. It's been a crazy year.

I left you a message after the party.

I don't know if you ended up getting that.

I did. I did.

It's just...

Me and my wife, we were...

going through some issues and trying to work on our relationship, but...

in the end we ended up splitting up.

Oh. I'm really sorry to hear that.

We just... wanted different things out of life.

Relationships are hard.

I've only been in one serious relationship.

He was much older.

Was it the age that was the problem?

Thank you.

It was. He was twice my age.

We met my sophomore year at NYU. I was interning at the Guggenheim.

He was a big donor at the museum.

Anyway, we dated until I graduated.

Same thing. We wanted different things out of life.

Was it a difficult break up?

No. He's very understanding.

He's quite accomplished and brilliant

and it felt good to have him believe in me.

But he was as affected by the age difference as I was.

Well.

To moving on.

Pretty good.

So when I was growing up as a kid in Australia, right?

My uncle had these guys coming into our farm.

MUMBLES

And I got to say, it's really quite humbling.

You know, being... so far from civilization.

No phone, no laptop, no creature comforts.

Just you...

and the jungle.

So vulnerable.

You must have had to really trust your shaman.

I did. I did. He was fantastic.

But, I did my research beforehand so I knew I was safe going in.

Did you feel safe the whole time?

Well, no.

I mean...

Especially in, the first hour.

Which I think it was an hour.

You kind of loose track of the whole concept of time, but...

There was a point where I got terrified.

I genuinely felt like I was going to die.

And I kept resisting, and I kept resisting, but...

When I finally let go and accepted it,

this feeling of peace and purpose,

just washed over me.

What was it? Your own purpose, I mean.

The only way I can really describe it

is letting go.

Letting go of things, letting go of stuff. Possessions.

Letting go of all attachment.

So then what happened? After the retreat.

I came back home. And I sold all my stuff.

I'm planning on travelling.

Maybe I'll teach Law at some point.

I just want to live a simpler live, you know.

This world has just an infinite amount of possibilities.

Maybe I'll buy an RV or a van and live out of that.

I can see the appeal of that.

L.A. is so exhausting.

I mean, even the way people have fun here is exhausting.

Are you exhausted, Sedona?

Hardly.

Do you have a... Do you have a condom?

No. I have a IUD though.

It's been so long since I did anything like this.

Oh, my God.

I'm going to fucking come.

I didn't realise how late it was.

I will just grab my stuff and head off.

No rush.

I have to be at the gallery early to receive some orders.

I forgot to ask last night.

How is the gallery going?

It's fine.

We've had some good artists and really good buyers.

It's coming along.

That's great.

I'd really love to see you again.

I'd love that too. Text me later.

- Alright. I'll text you. - Alright.

Hi Leonard.

Yes, I got the shoes.

It was very thoughtful.

But, really unnecessary.

No, they're beautiful.

They're beautiful, but...

Hey, can I call you back later?

I'm just about to walk out the door to the gallery.

Yes, I promise I'll call you back.

Ok. Right, bye.

Let them know James Lan can do a commission piece

but he can't give an estimate until he has seen the space.

Ok.

I'll do that in the morning. I'll call them.

Did you call Mel Reed?

Oh, dang it. I completely forgot.

- I'll do that right now. - Ok.

Do you need anything else from me or can I go?

No, of course. Thank you, Jen.

Awesome. Ok, cool. I'll see you tomorrow.

Hey, Sedona.

No, I understand. I'm sure you're busy.

Oh. Right now?

Yeah. Yeah, sure. Just send me your address.

Ok. I'll see you soon.

Ok, sweetie.

I'm going to be leaving. I'll see you later.

Ok. Thank you, Avalon.

So...

I compiled all of your portraits into this one folder.

And I think we should run a show based on those alone.

I was so sure you would go with the Yakuza project

that I did when I was in Japan.

Trust me. I was blown away by those images.

But I think that this is Los Angeles,

portraits are going to resonate more with people.

They're more accessible

and timely right now.

Do you have another job in addition to photography

or do you get a lot of freelance gigs?

Yeah. I have a lot of different side hustles.

I do get lucky with photography work sometimes

but like I said before most people would still rather go with a male.

I teach at The Learning Annex sometimes.

I do some projects in Europe, you know.

Doing test shoots for ad agencies.

Just different stuff.

I've been a bartender. I've done some catering.

That kind of thing.

Well, I think you're incredibly talented.

And I think your images are going to do very well.

Thank you so much.

You've got no idea. This opportunity means so much to me.

Oh, my God.

I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me.

Don't apologize.

Do you feel it too?

I feel the exact same way.

You're so beautiful.

Can I take this off?

You have the softest lips.

Thank you.

Oh, yes.

Yes. Yes.

Yes.

Turn around.

Oh, my God.

You're perfect.

Oh, you're amazing.

I didn't realize how late it was getting.

Listen. I...

I really appreciate you taking the time to advise me on the show.

Yeah.

Sorry for overstepping any boundaries.

I really respect you

and I want to have a long term professional relationship with you.

Yeah. Yeah.

Look. I have no regrets, but...

I really respect you too. Ok?

Hey. Seriously...

We didn't do anything wrong.

Hey Grant.

I just got your text.

Yeah.

I'd love to get together tomorrow.

I'm going to get some water. Do you want some?

No, thanks. I just want you here.

Hurry back.

I...

I couldn't help but see your phone.

I wasn't trying to be intrusive or anything.

I heard the buzz and I thought it was mine.

Are you still seeing this Leonard guy?

Because he sent you money.

I'm sorry. It's just...

It's not like you think.

It's not a relationship.

I mean, it is a relationship.

But it's not romantic.

He sent you money.

I mean, that's a lot of money.

I thought we had a really good thing going these last few weeks. Right?

Grant. This is really tough to explain.

Leonard is like...

A sugar daddy?

No, he's not a sugar daddy.

Then what do you call an old guy who keeps sending you money?

He's my financier.

He helped me open the gallery.

I don't know. He just felt compelled to keep sending me gifts.

I don't know. It's just this peculiar thing

where he worries for me, I guess, and...

He never asks for money, he just sends it.

Sedona.

Why don't you come away with me?

I've got plans to buy an RV. We can explore this entire country.

Leave all this behind.

None of that stress at work.

No debts to keep up with.

Just you and me exploring this world.

I want to. I just...

I've worked too hard for this gallery.

A minute ago you just told me your ex boyfriend paid for the thing.

I didn't say that.

He helped finance it but,

all the relationships, the artists and the buyers,

that was all me.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply

you had nothing to do with the success of your gallery.

Of course you do.

But look, don't you want to have an experience that's just yours

and not be under this guy's thumb the entire time?

I need to be alone right now.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you.

It's just... This is a lot to take in, you know.

It kind of threw me off guard.

I understand and I'm not mad at you.

Maybe we can just...

go on a short vacation together.

You know. Then we can travel away for a bit

and come back and look after the gallery in the meantime.

I'll think about it, Grant, ok?

And I'm really not upset.

- Text me later? - Of course.

You don't own me.

Stuff I never asked for, anything!

I understand that

but you're forgetting we discussed the terms of the agreement.

I have to check with her, she's on a call.

That included the price.

- We can't renegotiate now. - Sedona? Hi.

- Can you sign for this package? - Yeah.

The James Lan people want to know if they can move...

I'll call them back.

- And your initials as well. - Ok.

Where would you like me to put it?

- It doesn't matter. I'm on a call. - Ok.

Fine. But that will render the contract void

and we're going to have to go with another buyer.

Frankly I think it's your loss.

This piece had a lot of interest.

- I have to leave for the day. - Ok.

Well, at this point, this isn't a productive conversation.

Let's just resume this tomorrow.

Ok. Bye.

Sedona? Is not still a good time?

Yeah. Melanie, I'm sorry.

No, it's fine. Are you ok?

Look.

Ok. Look. Go sit down, right? Sit down.

You are having a panic attack.

Breath out really slow

making exhales longer than inhales.

That's good. Keep breathing.

- You're ok. - I'm so sorry.

This is so embarrassing. This has never happened to me before.

It's fine. I'm sure you have a lot going on.

Listen, do you want to reschedule it or something?

Why don't we go back to my place and we can discuss this?

That sounds great.

I bet all you need is a glass of wine and a couch.

That sounds... That sounds great.

Here. Let me help.

Thank you.

I have a weird question.

Great. I love weird questions.

Well, I don't know how weird it is but...

Maybe more personal.

Do you ever feel like you are never going to succeed?

Like all the school and work that you put in...

Like it doesn't matter.

Are you thinking of success in purely financial terms?

I suppose I am.

I mean if you can't monetize it then you can't really do it, right?

I see what you mean.

Look. I'm trying like hell to make a living out of this.

I have self-doubt every day.

I'd talk to myself off the proverbial ledge once a week.

Sometimes I don't know where money is going to come from.

But that's life.

How do you deal with all the doubt?

I'm used to it.

I've had to fight my whole life for everything.

I don't know any other way to live.

And you have to understand I'm not just a woman,

I'm a black woman.

That just makes it that much harder.

But here's the thing.

What I want out of life,

what I get out of life, out of art,

out of relationships with other people,

all of it is greater than the opposition that I face.

You have to advocate for yourself.

You have to think about what you want.

And not let anyone tell you you can't.

I'm a painter. Or I painted.

I don't know.

Someone once told me I'd be better at managing artists

and to open a gallery.

Who the hell told you that?

This guy I dated in college.

He was a lot older than me.

Fuck that guy.

Do you still want to paint?

Every day.

You can't ignore your heart, Sedona.

I love it.

Fine. Alright. Let's go in.

Can I get you something to drink?

- I'm so sorry. - No, I'm fine.

Oh, ok.

I can't believe I'm going to say this but,

from the price you listed in the ad

I was expecting something...

not so nice.

Oh, well. I didn't want to price it out of reach

and end up with someone who might not appreciate it.

Do you know what I mean?

It's not like I need the money, so...

Well, I appreciate it.

It's amazing.

It's perfect. I'll take it.

This is crazy.

I mean, you're the first person to come look at it

and I can't believe you're actually going to buy it.

It's too easy.

You put a working compost system, how could I not?

Yeah, I did. I'm just kind of a mad scientist.

I like building and experimenting so...

Yeah.

So, is this your house?

Oh. God, no.

I'm housesitting.

My friends are out of the country for about a month.

They're volunteering in Sierra Leone.

They're doctors, like me.

We all went to medical school together.

So we plan our travel around each other so that I can house-sit for them

and in my case, they let me park my house on their property.

Are you moving far from here?

I bought some land in Oxnard

so I am just going to build a tiny little place there.

I spend half of my year

volunteering medical services in Third World countries.

And the other part of the year I am here

working with troubled youth in L.A.

So I just need some land where I can have some animals and a garden.

What a great place to be.

Yeah.

You know, between my savings

and the money that my late husband left me in his will

I can spend all of my time giving back.

Your late husband?

- Yes. - I am so sorry.

He passed away about three years ago from leukaemia.

Please excuse me.

Hey Grant.

I just want you to know that I really enjoyed all the time

we spent together.

I think you're an amazing person.

But I don't want to take things further.

I don't want to travel with you.

Please know I am not mad at you or upset.

I've just realized I have a lot of personal things to work on.

I wish you all the best in life. You deserve it.

Are you ok?

I'm fine. I'd love to buy your van.

No, I know. We've just...

I was going to give you a pink slip and you were about to pay me I do believe.

Yes, that's right. Sorry.

My sort of girlfriend

just dumped me by text message.

Oh. Wow.

I am really sorry about that. It's...

I guess I'll be travelling alone.

Well.

You know, I travelled the United States alone after my husband died and...

I really feel like it healed me.

Maybe you need some healing too.

All yours.

Thank you.

Well.

Come here.

I think we are pass the formalities at this point.

I feel like you need it.

- You look so sexy in these. - You like those?

Can you keep them on?

Yeah, for you.

Push those lips into my pussy.

Oh, fuck. Yes.

Holy God.

Yes, please.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Right there!

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Yes.

Oh, right there.

Oh, my God. Yes, yes.

That works.

Holy Smokes.

Oh, my God.

It's just dripping.

Yes, yes.

Here it comes. Here it comes.

That's so good.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

You really know your way around there.

Oh, my God.

It's so beautiful.

Oh, my goodness.

Jesus.

Holy shit.

Oh, Jesus.

Holy shit.

Oh, my God. Yes.

Yes, please. Right there.

Oh, my God.

I know you're going to slide your dick in me from there.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. I love it.

Oh, my God.

It feels so nice and deep.

Oh, my God. Nice and slow like that.

Oh, my God. Yeah.

Holy Smokes. Yes.

Right there.

Right there, please. Please, yes!

Bury it, just like that. Oh, my God. Yes.

It's so good.

Here it comes. Here it comes.

Oh, my God.

Yes. Just like that.

Fuck, yeah.

Oh, my God. Yes.

Holy shit.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Yes, please.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Tease my clit with it.

Oh, my God. That's pretty.

Oh, my God. I want all of it.

Yes. Bury it.

Oh, my God. Yes, please.

That's it. Oh, my God.

Right there.

Oh, my God.

God, that's so pretty.

Fuck, yeah.

Oh, my God. Look at that.

Oh, my God. Yes.

Fuck, yes. Yes.

Oh, my God.

You have the most beautiful penis.

Look at it. I just want to watch it.

That's so good.

Yeah, just slow it.

Yes. Oh, yes please.

That's it. That's it.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Bury it.

Oh, my God. That's so good.

Yes. Just like that. Just like that.

Oh, my God.

Holy shit.

Oh, my God.

That is so good.

Holy shit.

Slide that cock deep inside me while you do that.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Yeah.

Come for me. I feel so selfish.

Yeah. That's it Grant.

Would you like to squeeze that cum out of that cock?

Oh, fuck.

Oh, my God.

Oh, God.

I'm going to fucking come.

- I'm going to fucking come. - Do it. Do it.

Just spring me down with that. Yes.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Look at you. Oh, my God. That's so warm.

Yes. Oh, my God. That's very hot.

Holy shit.

Oh, my God.

That was a beautiful thing.

Holy Smokes.

That was fabulous.

I'm so surprised you're not married.

You strike me as the married with kids type.

Well.

Funnily enough, I am recently divorced.

Really?

We just wanted different things from life I guess.

She was very caught up in the whole L.A. scene,

had to have the biggest house, had to have the best gallery,

had to have all these designer clothes.

It was so superficial.

In the end I think that was the same problem with my girlfriend.

This vapid life meant more to them than...

living with some purpose.

So what you're saying...

is that their dreams aren't meaningful?

No. I'm not saying that. It's just...

When I went up on my ayahuasca journey, it...

It showed me the truth of what really matters in life.

And it's just a shame that they didn't let me share that with them.

- Whoa! - What's so funny?

Do you hear yourself?

What you're saying is that

they care about their careers

and you're making them feel like that's wrong.

No. That's not at all. It's just...

There's more important things in life

than selling a piece of art for the highest amount.

But do you really think

that everyone finds their happiness or their calling

in a life of minimalism?

Well, if they give it a chance...

You should really listen to what you're saying.

You're totally judging them.

Nothing they're doing is wrong. That's their journey.

And it has nothing to do with you.

Maybe that's why it's so upsetting.

But you need to be happy for them.

And go on your own journey.

Ok. Now separate your legs a little bit more

and pull the skirt up a little pass your knees.

Perfect.

Ok. Now put your arms up. On the chair like that.

Great. Alright.

Look right into the camera for this one.

Perfect.

HEY AVALON - ARE YOU FREE TONIGHT AT 6?

USUAL PLACE AND I'LL BRING THE USUAL GIFT?

YES DADDY.

I think we're done with this dress.

Can you go and change to the jumper next?

Ok.

Leonard.

No. Listen Leonard.

Listen. I need to tell you something.

Fuck off.

I don't want you sending me things anymore.

I don't want you sending me money. I'm not a kid.

I don't need to be taken care of.

Just leave me alone.

This is a good start.