Original subtitles

- Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --

- Good morning, Jacob. - How are you, Grace?

- Doing well this morning. How are you? - Nice to see you.

I'm all right, I guess. All right.

- Seems like an okay day. - Hm.

What do you call that around your neck?

Is that a... Is that a scarf or a kerchief?

This is called an "ascot."

- An ascot? - Yes.

Is that what, uh... everyone's wearing these days?

- Yeah. Yeah. - Ascots?

Why are you wearing an ascot? What's goin' on in your neck?

- What are you hidin'? - Oh, it's purely style.

- Mm-hm. Mm-hm. - I've got nothing to hide.

Can I get you anything other than a coffee?

- Uh, no. - Right. That'll be $2.50, please.

You know, bad marks or good marks?

If there's anything goin' on, I'll be okay.

All right.

Hey, what's up?

Uh...

Yeah.

Yeah.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, what? Wait...

Wait... When was this? Who...

What...

A student?

From what? From like, what... 15 years ago? When I...

Who... Wait, what? Who is it?

So... So you're just calling me 'cause you heard a thing

and you have no...

Hold on, wait, what do you think her name is?

I just spent the entire day just racking my brain,

just trying to remember...

you know, what happened.

- I'm happy she has a book coming out. - What is she...

And God knows I've weathered these storms before.

I've been depicted...

in other people's narrative,

but, like, now it just seems like it's...

- What is... - ... a loaded time.

- What is she accusing you of? - I have no idea.

I just... All I know is that there's a chapter in a book

that suggests something.

So I have no idea.

Uh, there's no crime there.

There's no assault.

- Yes. - There's no...

rape or anything horrible.

We had consensual sex in this situa... where I was her professor.

- Okay. - I was a teacher...

- Right. - At the Art Institute,

- doing a graphic novel class. - Okay.

A semester. Gradu... Graduate level.

It's... Okay. So you're the hot teacher.

- Sure. - Okay.

Yeah, maybe. I mean, I don't know.

It's okay.

- Yeah, okay. - But what happened?

Oh. Um...

She was just one of, like 12-13 students

and you know, she... she was cute, uh...

- And... - You were attracted to her.

- Definitely, and like, she... - She was attracted to you.

- Yeah, of course, but... but it was... - Sure.

Initially, it was about, you know, the art.

It was the about the thing.

- It was about... - Do you remember her flirting with you?

Well, it's hard for me to know even now.

- But, just... - I don't even know. With, like...

I don't know when women are flirting with me now.

Like, you know, I would assume that for the past, like, 20 years,

you've been flirting with me, but you would say, what, no?

- Right? I don't know. - Oh, of course I'm gonna say no.

All right, that's the point.

Okay, what happened was, you know, over the course of the semester,

I... I was giving her a lot of attention.

Can I ask you something?

Do you pretend that you don't know that I'm flirting with you

when I'm flirting with you, or do you just really not know?

What am I supposed to do?

We have, like, a secret understanding

that we're not just gonna, like...

I mean...

there have been times when you were like, with dudes,

and I was like, "What is that?

What is she with that dude for?" or whatever,

and, like, back in the day when...

- we were both more fuckable. - Can I ask,

have you ever wanted to kiss me, but you just didn't?

Yeah, like, just a minute ago, but you blew it.

- How did I... - Well, you said no.

I'm out. I know how it goes now. No means no, right?

Whatever.

I don't know.

I... I just... I don't know.

I'm gonna find out, I guess, what she wrote,

but, just, like, it could ruin

what little... career I have left...

if it's bad, 'cause what am I gonna do?

It just becomes a he-said-she-said thing

and she can do whatever she wants.

Fortunately, it's a very small world...

uh, the world I work and live in,

but I'd rather not spend the rest of it ashamed and...

exiled, but I don't know what the fuck's gonna happen.

So like, nothing matters anymore, baby.

You know what I'm sayin'? Me and you...

- "Baby"... - From here on out.

- Come on. - I... Do you really

call women that you're with "baby"?

- Does it sound like I do? - It's just a terrible...

- Did you hear how I say it? - It's just not... I really... Oh, God.

- What's the matter, baby? - You're looming over me again.

- Am I? - Why do you do that? Ugh!

- What? Why don't we just... - Don't. You, like...

When you do the whole thing where you, like, gear up to it...

- it's so, like... - What?

- Come on. - Just...

It's already happening when you just...

You don't have to be...

Sit down! You... It's like...

It's so...

Like... Good Lord.

Hm...

I don't know. I don't know.

It's fuckin' weird...

that...

during that time...

when I was teaching...

Like, I didn't... I like, made...

hardly any sketches of anything.

Especially not anything about Beth, that woman.

And there's no real correspondence here.

Like, there's just a couple of polite,

you know, professional, reasonable emails.

Isn't that fucked up? Isn't that weird that I, like...

Like, this whole... Like... What was I...

I mean, when don't I sketch?

I mean, I must have been, like...

just really, like...

I don't even know, like, underwater.

I don't know what the fuck was goin' on with me.

- But that's bizarre... What? - Ahem. I am so hungry.

I'm really hungry, and I need orange juice. Are you thirsty?

I... I just drank, like, a gallon of water.

Like, I feel like I... I can't... I don't think I can eat right now.

- My head's, like, in this thing. - No, I get it.

What the fuck am I gonna do about this?

I'm not sure what you're gonna do.

It's a kind of a... It's a... It's a bad situation,

but it's gonna work out.

- Where are you going? - Seriously, I'm... No, I'm just...

- Dude, I'm starving. I'm... - What? All right. I... I...

I would go, but I'm just... I'm not gonna be good conversation.

- Of course not. - I'm just completely...

- Look, we're gonna... - What?

We'll talk. It's not a big deal.

- What's not a big deal? - That we slept together.

I'm not even thinking about that. I didn't think it was a big deal.

- Well, clearly, I don't either. - All right.

I just... I've lost a penny...

- What kind of shoes are those? - Penny loafers.

- No. They're sneakers, platforms... - Don't criticize me right now.

- My purse! - I'll get you...

I got it.

Hold on. Oh, God.

- Okay. Yeah. - All right?

- You all right, though? - So, I...

You all right? Look at me.

- Are you all right? I'm all right. - Dude, I'm fine.

- I'm fine. - I'm okay.

- Yes, it's fine. - Wait, look!

- What? - Hey.

We... We can absorb this.

- You know what I mean? - I love you. It's fine.

I love you, too. I just don't want breakfast.

I... I get it. I'm just starving. You know how I...

Fuck it. Fuck it! Do you want me to come?

- No! I have a blood sugar... - I'll fucking come!

I actually just wanna be by myself, thanks.

- No, you... Wait! Hey! Hey! - No!

Are you all right?

Bye!

God damn it.

Fuck.

Hi.

- Hey, how's it goin'? - Hey.

- Hi. - What are you doin'?

Taking a bath.

Okay. Can I talk to you for a second?

Yes.

Okay, so... So...

I just talked to David,

and my speaking engagement

at that art school outside of Detroit next month, canceled,

because of this fucking book.

They got wind of Beth's book,

or they got a copy of it, I don't even fucking know,

but five grand in the toilet.

That's one down out of, like, the four that I have

to fucking make a living this year.

It's all fucking happening. It's all fucking happening.

The worst case scenario.

So...

♪ One way ♪

♪ One day ♪

Hi, is... is this Beth?

Beth, hi.

Uh, it's, uh, Jacob Malco.

I heard about this graphic novel that you're... you're...

you know, that you've written and that they're putting out,

and I just heard...

What? My agent heard it. It's not private information.

But what... what he also heard was that

it doesn't necessarily portray me...

uh, in a very good way, and that it could be...

uh, trouble for me, and...

and I just wanted to... I just wanted to talk to you,

because I don't... I remember... I don't...

I remember it differently, I think.

Not that that matters, huh?

I know, I've written memoirs before.

So it's exactly what happened from your side.

From your side. Like, you know, like, I mean...

I'm not coming down on you.

I don't know what you wrote. But I mean, I don't rem...

Like, I don't know why we can't just talk as people.

Maybe... Maybe we sit down

and just let me, you know, read the book, let me process it,

or let me, you know, try to get some closure,

or... or maybe offer,

you know, some sort of, uh... amends, if that's appropriate?

Why can't we just talk about what's about to happen?

Because it's... it's gonna have big implications for me.

Half hour. That... Okay.

That's... That's plenty of time.

We'll just have coffee, or somewhere...

Are you still, like, in the Chicago area? I mean...

Do... Do you have a place that you like to go or do you wanna...

Uh...

Okay. Well, how about a place you don't like to go?

Let's just go to a...

McDonald's? We don't need to go to McDonald's.

What are you... McDonald's? Let's go, I mean...

All right, you... Look, I...

All right, I'm sorry. Wherever you wanna go.

On your marks, get set, go!

So now we gotta meet, like...

Basically, in broad daylight, somewhere public.

It seemed like she was implying

that she wouldn't feel safe with me, I mean...

I don't get it, man. Because, like, I liked this woman,

I mean, we got along good and I had feelings for her.

And... And now it's like, I don't know what the fuck happened.

Other than maybe...

She got weird, all right? After we...

After we had sex, she got weird, 'cause she was married,

and I felt it and maybe I got weird, I don't know,

but now, like, I'm a monster?

What the fuck?

You know what I'm sayin'?

Do I know what you're saying?

I mean, are you listening to me? Am I talking to the trees?

Where we at?

I'm...

Nothin'.

What the... What the... What do you... What is wrong with you now?

- I mean... - Are you fucking... Are you serious?

What is wrong with me now?

We slept together,

and you're talking about some other woman, having feelings,

about sleeping with you, and then it's weird.

What's happening right now?

Are you not in here?

Are you not... Are we not... Are we even on the same globe?

Do I even exist?

Of course you do.

Like, go talk to your therapist.

What?

I thought you said you were okay.

I thought we were okay. We're not okay?

- Now this is a fucking disaster? - God, I can't.

I'm not a counselor.

- Leave me alone. - I'm not asking you to be a counselor.

- You're my fucking friend. - You're not? No, yes you are.

You ask everyone to be your counselor.

What does that even fucking mean?

If someone's in your life, they're your counselor.

- Why are you losing your mind over this? - No, just...

I'm not losing my mind.

Fuck it. All right.

- You know what? Get away from me. - I will, for good.

- It's too much. - Oh, yeah, too much.

You, too. Go fuck yourself.

- Like you're a fucking walk in the park? - Oh, I...

- Yeah. - Jesus Christ.

Fucking selfish. Fuck you.

♪ I was burning out desire ♪

♪ So I needed a woman ♪ ♪ To put out this fire ♪

♪ She said "Take it, take it, take it" ♪

♪ Sitting by my window ♪

♪ Watchin' the moonlight ♪

♪ In my home ♪

♪ Suddenly my mind ♪

♪ Is bringing out desire ♪

♪ In my home ♪

♪ So I met a woman ♪

♪ To put out this fire ♪

♪ Burning in my soul ♪

♪ Only you, baby ♪

♪ Can put out this fire ♪

♪ Only you, baby ♪

♪ Can put out this fire ♪

♪ Burning in my soul ♪

♪ Only you, baby ♪

♪ Can put out this fire ♪

♪ You are wonderful ♪

♪ Only you, baby ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ Only you ♪

Oh!

- Hey. - Hi.

How's it goin'?

- Um... It's good, fine. - Okay. Thank you for... coming.

- Thank you for, uh, coming. - Okay.

- It's... - Okay... All right.

- All right, I'm gonna... - Okay.

Wow! Wait, how far along are... are you?

Yeah, I'm not... pregnant.

- What can I get ya? - Hi. Um...

Can I just have a latte?

One latte. That'll be $3.75.

- There's your change. - Thank you so much.

Thank you.

- We'll have that right out. - Great.

I'm sorry. I... I'm sorry.

- That's a great... great start. - Yeah.

But you... you look... you look good, though.

I...

Nice to see you. I... Uh, it's good...

- It's good... - You just asked me if I was pregnant.

God damn it.

- Okay. - What?

I...

Thank you for...

- for meeting me. - Yeah.

Do you feel safe here? Is this safe enough for you?

- Come on. - You come on.

What was that? Like I'm a monster?

- I mean... - I wasn't saying that you're a monster.

I just wanted a... a place where...

What did you think was gonna happen?

I mean, like... I don't... Maybe I don't know

what happened between us,

but when... when I heard about this...

What did you hear about it?

What have you heard? What did they tell you? Oh, thanks.

Well, first of all...

You know, I... I haven't heard from you

or thought about you for years.

And now my agent tells me that, out of nowhere, you wrote this...

- Yeah. - He told me it's gonna make me look bad.

It's gonna be a problem.

Some sort of abuse of power situation.

So I'm going through my own memories...

Well, yeah, that's the situation.

But wh... All of a sudden?

What do you mean, all of a sudden?

I've been sitting with it, thinking about it,

- it impacted my life. - Okay, I understand that,

but you know, the timing's a little...

- Why now? - What do you mean, timing? "Why now?"

Yeah. I mean, like, culturally,

it's a fucking nightmare out there... for... for... for men.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Where was this book five years ago?

Like, what... what have you been doing for 15 years?

That's interesting.

- That's an interesting question. - What's interesting?

Um...

I haven't really been working...

for 15 years.

I haven't had the easiest time.

I wasn't really in a position to get anything published.

I didn't have a lot of confidence in myself.

- Were you drawing? - Yeah, sometimes I was.

I was full of self-doubt.

I was looking at everything I was creating,

and being like, "What a piece of shit."

I...

finally...

- decided to just give it a shot... - Okay.

... and do my work, and I created something that I feel proud of,

but I had to really...

check in with myself before I did that.

This book is not a book about you.

There's a section about you.

It's about...

me, as I've related to different...

- men in my life. - Hm.

I got to the end of a relationship

and I realized, "Fuck. Every...

choice that I've made has been about

something that a man has wanted."

Hm.

I haven't made choices for myself.

I haven't done things based on my own happiness or my own...

good.

Okay, so I'm just one of many men

in this book about men

who somehow shut you down.

A few...

Hm?

That's what... That's what you just said.

But I... I bet you I'm the only one

that's got something to lose, right? I...

Did you tell all the other ones before... What?

I talked to some people. Some people I'm still in touch with.

- Oh. - Where was my call?

- This is not... - Why do I gotta wait?

- What? - What is the point of this?

What do you want? What do you wanna know?

Okay. Okay.

I sat there,

when I heard about this...

And, uh, obviously, you know, I've been around a long time.

I'm an old man. I've made some mistakes in my life.

But I was, you know, going over what... what our relationship was.

Mm-hm...

I... I was just... I was sitting there trying to remember,

you know, what... what we went through.

- Okay. And what did you come up with? - And... And...

That it was... wasn't bad.

I... I remember us having a lot of, you know, pretty...

- real conversations about stuff. - Mm-hm.

I remember, you know, going over your work,

enjoying your work.

- Mm. - I thought you were great.

And... And I remember us, like, having lunch.

You were unhappy in your marriage.

I had just gone through a divorce,

and I was trying to somehow be helpful,

and, like, we sort of commiserated a bit.

- Mm-hm. - I did feel the connection.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

And... And, like, I... And then it got weird.

I know it got weird, but I... I just couldn't,

I... I just couldn't, in my mind...

you know, see myself as somebody who like, did something terrible.

All of that is in my book.

That's the story that I'm telling. We have the same story.

- Mm. - This is my perspective.

It feels one way to you because you're in a position of power.

- You're my teacher. - It's graduate school.

You're, like, 26 years old. I mean, what...

Yeah, exactly. I'm 26 years old.

It was a big deal for me to come all the fucking way over here

to go to grad school,

to have enough faith in myself that I could do it.

It was a big deal.

It took me to that point in my life,

to feel like, "Oh, I deserve to... to come over here

and try to make something of myself."

It was a really big deal.

It took everything that I had in the world.

- Yeah? - And then, I meet somebody

who tells me I'm as good as anybody they've ever seen.

I mean, what kind of a fucking thing is that to say?

- That was true. - If it was true,

then what happened afterwards?

Did my work just start, like, sucking after we had sex?

- I don't know... - We had sex one time!

I know!

I di... No! I don't know wha... what your work did afterwards.

- Because I... - You saw it. I was still in your class.

- For two weeks. - It was longer than that,

and it was really painful and uncomfortable.

I felt that. I felt that.

- Well, what happened? - I don't know what happened.

I mean, like, I... We had sex,

and then it was... it was just fucking weird,

because, like, I started to think, like,

you were ashamed and mad because you were married,

and maybe I thought you were gonna tell your husband,

he was gonna kick my ass...

I told my husband before anything happened, first of all.

- What? - That's how seriously I was taking it.

I felt like we were in a relationship.

And the things that you were saying to me...

You were telling me you were gonna set me up with internships.

You were telling me you were gonna introduce me to people.

You were telling me how incredible I was and how...

like, groundbreaking my work is.

- It's so embarrassing to think about now. - I...

- It's so embarrassing I fell for it. - I believed that. I believed it.

- Well... - So... So...

But I'm saying that I wasn't just some fuckin' monster

who was conning you to get into your pants.

- I mean, you know... - So then what...

- changed after you did? - I...

I don't fucking know. I can't handle that we...

Sometimes I have... Sometimes I've been in situations

where I have sex with people and I have feelings for them,

and then once we consummate them, I'm just sort of, like...

I... I don't... You know... I'm emotionally hobbled, somehow.

I mean, after we fucked...

You know, it got weird and then you just dropped off.

I mean, was... was I supposed to just chase you down and...

If you thought I was that talented, yeah.

Did you not think I was worth it?

- I did, but I... - Did you not think you were gonna

be able to show me to people and be like, "Look who I've discovered"?

- Yeah. - That's how it made me feel.

Then, I started to think about it afterwards, and I was like,

"Oh, God, that's so fucking unfair."

That because you wanted to sleep with me,

this whole course of my life has been impacted now.

- I... - I don't know if it's because

my work wasn't good enough

that I didn't get an internship,

that I didn't get introduced to people.

I don't know. You made me feel like my work was good enough.

- It was. - Then it didn't happen.

Okay, it didn't happen because, you know,

I... I bailed on you because I was uncomfortable.

- But the idea that... - Why put yourself in that position?

- Why put me in that position? - Because I was irresponsible.

- I guess. - Okay.

That's all I'm saying. That's the story that I'm telling.

But the idea that all I was doing was trying to fuck you,

and everything changed because I fucked you,

that I'd finally gotten what I wanted,

and now I was done with you, is just garbage.

So, if that's also the story you're telling,

it's not the right story.

It's insensitive. But it's your... it's your narrative.

It's your point of view. I understand.

I'm glad you wrote the book.

And, you know, and it-You know, I hope it does very well for you.

And I guess I'll just fuckin' see it when I see it.

Again, there's nothing I can do about it,

and, uh, you know, my side of it...

I guess I... I don't even know what's...

- I don't know what you have... - What...

... to lose.

You can't own your own behavior? You can't own that?

Oh, yeah, I can.

I have.

I've lost things before. I've made mistakes before.

But I guess on some level, I... I, uh...

I control the narrative.

I have the pages that are about you... with me.

I wasn't planning on showing it to you.

I don't know why I care. I think it'll...

make you feel better, or understand, or something.

I feel really, really nervous.

- Can I see 'em? - Yes.

I'm... I'm not gonna... I'm not gonna lose my shit.

I understand. Like, I'm ju... I'm afraid.

I'm... I'm...

preemptively defensive and angry, and, you know,

I wanna see your work.

I wanted to see it then, I wanna see it now, at least, just...

I don't know if I can be... here for...

All right, well...

Do you wanna take a walk

- or go to the bathroom? - Yeah, I'll just go to the bathroom.

I'll wait for a minute.

Um...

It's, uh... It's really... It's good.

It's really good.

Do you feel...

misrepresented?

No.

It's just your story, you know?

And I... I just... I don't think I ever really...

thought about, um...

the other side of it, really.

You know, I've been doin' this stuff a long time, and, uh...

And I always think that, like, you know,

"This is it, this is the truth," you know?

And I don't know that I...

honestly...

think about...

the people who I, you know...

I'm writing about.

But this is your story, and I, you know, I...

I... I think it's, um...

I think it's honest. I think the... the art is great.

And, uh, you know...

I can't really...

defend...

my behavior towards the end of this.

I mean, I... I think you're... you're right.

But what's odd is that, like, um...

I'm not trying to explain anything, but, like...

Like, I see myself in this, and I... and I... I don't...

It's very hard for me to empathize with, uh...

anybody.

And, um, because I just am self involved, and especially women...

How... You know, how do I know?

Thank you.

But, um...

you know...

during that time...

uh...

I couldn't find anything.

Any work that I was doing...

you know, when I was teaching that class, and having, you know...

and we were talking and stuff, you know?

And, uh... I just wasn't drawing. And I always draw, you know?

I... And I... I think...

there's like two things happening in the brain.

My brain. I don't know if I can generalize.

But, you know, I felt a real connection to you

and I was honest about it

and then... and then the sex did fuck it up, because, like...

that part of my brain kind of went out somehow.

I understand.

- Do you? - I do.

- I do. - Did, uh... Did your, um...

Did your marriage survive?

I mean, it complicated it.

I did... For a while. For a while.

But, you know, it was kind of like a...

daily punishment for a few years.

- Wow. - Which of course, you know...

Is that in the book?

Yeah.

Well, good for you.

I told myself I wouldn't care whether you liked it or not.

Here I am, like...

It's good. And, um...

And, like, I'm... I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. And like, whatever...

Like, you know, it's, you know... I'm not...

I don't know.

It's important that...

you know, these... these conversations happen.

I... I don't really know what's gonna happen.

But, uh... But like, I am, in this moment, able to take it in,

and I... and I'm sorry, honestly, for...

Thank you.

... whatever I...

Well, for behaving like that, dismissing you,

causing that stuff to happen, you know?

And I guess I'm, uh... I'm... I'm grateful that it got through.

Okay?

I may be, uh, you know, out of work, but I'll... I'll be...

What do they say? Woke?

I'll be woke.

Woke and broke.

It's not as bad as you thought, right?

No.

Yeah.

Well, I... you know, good luck with it.

Thank you.

Thanks for talkin' to me.

Thank you for talking to me.

And it's, uh... you know...

It's good to see you.

Yeah.

♪ Care a little ♪

♪ Care a lot ♪

♪ Let me love you ♪

♪ Let me not ♪

♪ But that wouldn't change ♪

♪ The way I care for you ♪

♪ That wouldn't make me think of ♪

- Hello? - ♪ Someone new ♪

Hey, it's Jacob. Can I come up, please?

♪ Somehow I know I'd rather ♪

♪ Live life through ♪

♪ With this crazy feeling I've got ♪

♪ Care a little ♪

♪ Care a lot ♪

- Hello. - Hi.

I'm gonna sit in there.

How's it going?

Okay, so...

Hm.

I'm sorry about the park.

That was...

embarrassing.

Fucking ridiculous.

I'm ridiculous.

Mm-hm.

And, uh, you know, about...

the other night...

um...

I have been thinkin' about it.

It was nice.

It was nice.

It felt...

you know...

It felt comfortable.

It wasn't weird.

I mean, come on.

I love you.

I mean, you know, we've been together for a long time.

Why would that, you know, just...

I don't... It just takes me a couple days, I guess.

You know? When...

you fuck your best friend, it takes a minute to...

process...

process, it takes a day or two.

You know, when...

you try to...

push her away and

you know, fuck everything up and then, you know...

Yeah.

I don't need to do that.

What would it be like if you didn't?

Um...

Am I challenging you too much right now?

No.

No. No.

- Are we... - Oh...

I mean, come on.

We're old. We're so old.

I'm so tired.

I'm so tired.

I know. And I... And I'm exhausting. I'm exhausting.

But you know what's weird about me

is like, not only do I exhaust you...

I exhaust myself.

I really...

I'm experimenting with listening.

Gonna try that for a while.

I've, like, you know, I've gone my whole life without doing it.

I'm gonna try to be, uh, more... um...

open.

I mean, I'm... I'm ready to relax.

- Oh, yeah. - Right?

Like, this feels good. We're relaxing.

Like, you know, I don't know what's gonna happen, but...

I mean, come on, we... we've been together so long.

- Shh. - Okay.

- You know, you are... you're... - I know.

You're seriously...

- Dude, you're a pain. - I know.

- You're such a pain in the ass. - I know. I know, but...

I don't regret it.

- I don't regret it. - No. No, super pain in the ass.

I've always been that. Come on.

I mean, I may need a place to live.

Okay?

- Synced & corrected by MementMori - -- www.addic7ed.com --