All language subtitles for Columbo.Caution.Murder.Can.Be.Hazardous.to.Your.Health.1991.1080p.MY5.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-None_track3_[eng]

So your husband the Doc's waiting
outside for me to take a fix, huh?

You're to give him the signal?

He comes in, gives me a fatal dose.

Got it all worked out, doesn't he?

Oh, yes. He's parked a Renault car
where your body goes over the cliff
in his car.

And when it blows up,

not even dental charts will be able
to prove who or what was in the car.

Mm... You and your hubby really had
a scam going, didn't you?

Yeah.

Until YOU came along.

So your husband dies.

And the grieving widow
gets the insurance.

You meet him in Europe
and live happily ever after.

The only change of plan is...
he's going to die.

And this grieving widow meets her
lover in Europe and lives...

Happily ever after. Now it is time
to give the signal, babe.

(CHUCKLES)

(TV) Barbara Baylor, suspected
of the murder of her husband in
Washington DC three years ago.

Duke Dimarco has a history
of arrests for armed robbery
and drug possession.

If you see Barbara Baylor
or Duke Dimarco, please call
our Crime Alert hotline.

OK, hold it there one...
Coming up on one...

Hold it.

Take one.

With your help we've captured 32
dangerous criminals.

And Crime Alert thanks you.

Remember,

keep your eyes open and stay alert.

And take him down now.

Dissolve the logo.

Dissolve it.

And roll it.

We're taking a call from someone
who thinks they've got a location
on our child molester.

Terrific!

Great show. I've got some people
for you to meet.

Betty, Martin and Tina. They're
big fans. Great to have you here.

Great show, everybody. That last
segment was a real ratings grabber.

Tomorrow we do the tri-state robbery
segment. Production meeting,
my office, ten o'clock.

(OVERLAPPING TALK)

Get tomorrow's script, will you?

Deadlines! We should do a segment
on how this show is murdering me.

Last year you make documentaries.
Now you got a top network show.

Just last year you were a glorified
security guard.

Security EXPERT.
Oh, I stand corrected.

Lucky for you that you were working
for Jake Salzberg at the right time.

Luck? Jake wanted the best. That's
why he called me when his wife was
being hassled by that crazy fan.

Notes and homework. And when he
picked me to host the show, once
again he made the best choice.

You certainly take a lot of credit
for this show.

The brass is ecstatic over
the audience reaction to me.

I hope the big chief keeps you
up on that cloud. He'll pull
the plug if our ratings slip.

Max, I don't intend
to let that happen.

So we're set for next week? Mm-hm.

Thank you.

Good work. Celebrity Profile
magazine cover! That's great.

All my clients should be so easy
to get a cover for. Enjoy it while
it lasts. While it lasts?

It's gonna last,
I can assure you that.

You just keep doing your part.

Don't worry, Wade.
As long as your show's hot,
you won't be able to keep me away.

Good to see you, Wade! Like
the show? Love the show. Good
to see you. Call me soon. Alright.

(OVERLAPPING GREETINGS)

Wade, your show gets better
every time!

Good going! Thanks so much.

Get Monique to ask the Sheriff's
Department what's holding up
the photo on the Echo Park sniper.

Max, call for you from the FBI.

Oh, that'll be about
the Miller kidnapping.
We may have located those boys.

Contact the local affiliate
and get a camera feed with pictures
of the parents and the kids.

Alright!

Don't powder me too much.
I just need a little here.

That's great.

Well, you certainly
have done alright for yourself.

Still smoking four packs a day, Bud?

Do you need me for something?

Well, as a matter of fact,

there is something... Make it fast,
Bud. I got a show to do.

Well, I, er... I think
I have a story that you, er,
that you might be interested in.

Well, let Henry read it, and if it's
interesting we'll get back to you.

No.

I don't think so.

It's a very special story.
For your ears only.

Bud... I would really rather
you not smoke in here.

I just received a video
from an old buddy,

with something he thought I might
find... enjoyable. And he was right.

Bud, I told you...
Polly does Houston?

Has a nice ring to it.

It's really something you should
look at, Wade. Go on.

Oh. I see that I have
your interest now.

I'm listening.

Turns out that our young film star
gave quite a performance.

As did his underage co-star.

Not exactly Disney,
if you know what I mean.

Why are you sharing
this information?

Because I just couldn't forget the
choice bits you laid on Salzberg

about my not having the right image
for the show.

It was some hatchet job. It's not my
fault you fell off the wagon again.

Not much in my background compares
to yours.

What is it you want?
You're not a stupid man, Wade.

Crime Alert was supposed to be my
show. I have the qualifications.

19 years in this business. It was a
lock and everyone knew it. Everyone?

Obviously not Jake Salzberg.
He knew what I was capable of.

You were capable
of licking the right boots.

You're smooth.

I mean, you're really smooooooth.

But what do you think...

that Salzberg and the rest
of your adoring audience would say

if they knew you did skin flicks?

Our wonderboy crime-fighter?

Look, Bud... No, YOU look, Wade.

Cos if it gets out
that you did skin flicks,

Get to the point! The point...
is that you're gonna lose the show.

That's what the point is.

Of course, you do have a choice.

You can leave
with your reputation intact.

I'm sure others out there would go
for your particular brand of charm.

Or you can be... my lead story
on the 11 o'clock news.

Which will it be, Wade?

Camera's ready, Wade.
I'll be there in a minute!

Where's the rest of it?

Just polishing it on my computer
at home.

We'll have to talk about this
some more.

Privately.

Right now I've got a show to do.

Certainly.

We, er...

We can meet...

..tomorrow night at my house,

6pm.

Don't be late. I'll be there.

OK, people, we have 30 seconds.
Get it moving.

Wade, what kept you?

Did you see Bud? I saw him.

Did he have a story for us? Story?

Why else would he come to see you?
He's not exactly a fan of yours.

I didn't have time to see him now.

Hey, Wade. Are we going over
the profile statements tomorrow?

I'll be at the production office.
I'll do it myself. I can come in...

I can manage for once.

You deserve some R&R.
Go and have a good weekend.

OK. Goodnight, boss. Goodnight.

Coming to my house tomorrow night?
I'm making a new Jamaican dish.

Look forward to it. What time?
Seven?

Black beans and demon rum?
You got it!

Goodnight. Night.

(LOUD BUZZING)

I'm going to trim all the hedges
this week, Mr Anders. Thanks, Juan.

Right on time, I see.

So tell me...

..just what have you decided?

You said you had a tape.
I'd like to see it.

Prudent.
I'll give you a private showing.

(RAUNCHY MUSIC)

I've seen enough.
You can turn it off.

So... let's get down to business.

I think I've figured out a way to
make this work out for both of us.

You have? I propose we share
the show. You and I co-host.

Co-host?

No way. You've been in the spotlight
too long already. I want you
out of the picture completely.

Hear me out. There's no guarantee
you'll get the job.

Even if I leave. With you gone...

I don't see any problems at all.

It isn't gonna be easy.

The following I have,
you need me to pull this off.

I'll have to find a valid excuse
to leave the show.

You're a very creative person.
You'll think of something.

It'll have to be something
the brass will buy.

Especially if I'm gonna tell 'em
YOU'RE taking over.

Wade, I can't...

I can't breathe!

Help me!

I told you those things
were gonna kill ya.

News at Eleven?

(INDISTINCT)

Oh!

Wade! Ooh, champagne! You certainly
know how to make an entrance.

I put in a hard day
and now I wanna celebrate.

Look who's here!

Hey, whaddaya say, boy? How are you?

Alright, back off. Gotta go to work.

You're a real friendly boy,
aren't ya?

Oh, you're a GIRL!

You know, you've got more life
than my dog. Yes, you have!

Yes, you have!

What happened here? Her name's Sheba.

Sheba?

Hey, that's a nice name, Sheba.

My name's Randy.
Hi, Randy.

Lt Columbo.

Are you a real lieutenant?

I'm not Dick Tracy. Look at this.
That real enough for you? Wow!

Randy, I gotta go to work now.

Bye, Sheba.

What've you got, Sgt Lewis?

Name's Bud Clark.
Newscaster on KRVA.

Oh, yeah! I seen him lots of times
on the evening news.

He's gonna be making the news
instead of reporting it.

George?
This is the way you found him?

Uh-huh. No signs of violence,
no obvious wounds.

We'll know more after the autopsy.

But he looks a good candidate
for heart failure.

Right age.
Had to be a stressful profession.

Obviously a heavy smoker.

The victim was found at 4.30am
by a neighbour, Mr Eric Larson,

who says the victim's dog
was barking in the middle of
the night. I gotta quit smoking.

This is crazy.

Um...

Anything else, George?

He probably died
between six and seven last night.

Respiratory failure, possibly
brought on by a heart attack.

It was unusual for the dog to be out
at that hour. It's just a puppy, if
you can imagine! Have you seen it?

Yeah. She jumped all over me.
Very friendly. Go on, Sergeant.

After a while Mr Larson
called the police.

The officer saw the body
through the patio doors.

No sign of forced entry or struggle.
The lab boys are here.

Did anybody else live here?
No. Clark lived alone.

Housekeeper comes in weekdays.

Frank? Yes, sir? See if you can find
an ashtray with more cigarette butts.
I want to take a look. OK.

Alright, tweezers...
George, you got tweezers?

Here you go, sir.

What's the matter, Lieutenant?
Lieutenant,

I found this one in the bedroom.
Thank you.

Sergeant, have the lab boys
check out all these cigarette butts
and any others you find.

And this one,
the one on the desk, have that
marked. What is it, Lieutenant?

These cigarettes on the desk,

they weren't smoked!

What do you mean?

Look.

No nicotine stain on the filter.

But these cigarettes,

in these ashtrays,

WERE smoked.

Notice the yellowish-brown
nicotine stain on the filter?

Oh, yeah!

And look here.

Clean as a whistle.
Get it to the lab.

You got it, Lieutenant. Frank?

Have you finished with the body,
Lieutenant? Er, yeah.

Lieutenant, press is outside.
They want a statement.

Tell 'em the usual. Yes, sir.

Anybody know how to work this thing?
These machines, they baffle me.

What do you need?
I wanna see the rest of this story.

Stop.

Seventeen-year-old girl disappears
from a small town. OK.

Just want to check.

Seventeen-year-old...

Can you make a copy of that?

In a flash.

There you go, Lieutenant.

Hm...

Sergeant?

Check this out for latent prints.

How are you?

You're a girl, aren't you!

Aw, what, you wanna go with me?

I got something for you.
My dog loves these. Here.

OK, down.

Did you do this?

Thanks a lot!

Gone all down the car.

I gotta go now.

Er...

Homicide?

You mean, it may not have been
a heart attack?

Not necessarily. In a case like this
we have to investigate.

Oh.

These machines are something!

And there's where you type.

Me, I can only type with two fingers.

This is Mr Clark's office? Yes.

Can I go in? Er, yes.

Oh, I see he has his own computer.
Yes.

Did Mr Clark type his own news
stories? Mostly. If he was close
to deadlines, I'd type up his notes.

Notes? Yes. He kept notes? Yes.

Where'd he keep them?
The tape recorder on the desk.

He used it everywhere he went.

Oh, so he would talk his notes. Yes.

People do that now.
They used to write 'em.

The notes are in here? Yes.

There's nothing here.

The tape was there on Friday.
I gave him a new one that morning.

Where is the old one?
They're erased, then we reuse them.

Are these the news stories
Mr Clark was working on?

Some of them. But all our news
stories are logged on computer.

Could you show me?
Yes.

Wow, look at all those stories!

Is there a particular one you're
interested in? Roll down to Es.

"Evening in the Kremlin"

"Emergency in Pentagon"

(MUTTERS)

And that's the end of the Es.

Could Mr Clark have a story...

that wasn't on this list?

Escape to Death? I don't see it here.

It would have to be new one
if it's not in the computer.

Thank you. You've been very helpful.

Oh, could you tell me
when you saw Mr Clark last?
Friday. He came in around two.

About three,
he said he had to see Wade Anders.

Do you happen to recall
when Mr Clark returned?

He was gone about 30 minutes, then
he got ready to go on air at four.
I left at five. Never saw him again.

Where can I find Mr Anders?

The main floor,
where Crime Alert is.

Excuse me. We don't allow anyone
in this area without authorisation.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Lt Columbo, Homicide.

You've got more equipment here
than we've got at headquarters.

I'll get someone.

I'm Maxine Girard.
You're Lt... Columbo?

Yes, ma'am.
Boy, this is quite a place.

Seems you're better equipped than
WE are. You have no idea how much
paperwork it is just to get a phone.

That must be a problem. Lieutenant,
we run on a tight schedule. What can
I do for you? Oh, I understand.

I'm checking up on Bud Clark's death.
I heard about it this morning. He
was here on Friday. Did you see him?

Yes, he was here.
He talked to Wade Anders, our host.

You don't have to tell me who he is.
My wife and I love the show. If she
could spot one of those suspects...

That's what makes our show popular.

I hope you all had a restful weekend
because we have busy week ahead.
Meeting in five minutes. You got it.

Mr Anders, could I speak to you?

Who are you? Wade, this is
Lt Colombo, from Homicide.

It's a pleasure meeting you, sir.

I don't have time right now.

Give your story to my assistant.
If we can use it, we'll call you.

Oh, no, sir.
I'm here about Bud Clark.

Bud Clark. Yes, I heard.
Something about a heart attack?

That's what we're trying to find
out, sir. He was here on Friday?

It's been so hectic lately.
Friday...

Yes. He said something about a story
we might be interested in.

Did he say what it was about, sir?

No. I was called to the set.
I told him to see my assistant.

I bet people always want you
to use their stories.

We receive far more than we can use.
We have to pick the ones we feel
will catch the viewers' interest.

I can see it's very complicated.
Wade?

The meeting? I'm just giving the
Lieutenant a few minutes of my time.

Thank you very much, sir.

My wife's not gonna believe
my meeting you.

She's a big fan.

The other day she thought the grocery
clerk was a suspect on your show.

That's part of our appeal.
The audience likes to get involved
in catching the criminals.

You think some people could become
vigilantes? Forgive me, Lieutenant.

You do your best, but resources
are woefully inadequate to meet
the rise in violent crime.

You could take some tips from us.

What can you tell me about Bud Clark?
Were you aware of any problems he
had? Coffee, Lieutenant?

Bud? He was alright.
Good newsman, I think. Of course,
he didn't like me very much.

He wanted my job. When he found out
I was hired instead of him,

he told everyone I wouldn't last.

Bad forecast.
Good thing he wasn't a weatherman.

He offered you his story.
Bud didn't hold a grudge when it
came to selling stories.

Wade, you ready? We have a meeting,
then we wanna do a run-through.

I'm being summoned, Lieutenant.

It can be gruelling. So I see, sir.
It's been a pleasure, Lieutenant.

Oh, Lieutenant, if I can ever be
of any help to you, you let me know.

Appreciate it.

And tell your wife we'll look in
on that grocery clerk.

It's a good thing you ordered
a toxicology report, Columbo.

Why? Because that's the only way
this can be traced. Really?

Acute nicotine poisoning.
Three times the lethal amount,

Introduced through the lungs.
Like smoking? No.

Nicotine in cigarettes
metabolises more slowly.
So it takes longer to kill smokers.

If it wasn't nicotine
in the cigarettes, what was it?

Concentrated form. Nicotine sulphate

Highly poisonous.

Paralyses the lungs,
the heart goes nuts, you're dead.

That quick? He must've died
within minutes of ingestion.

Thank you, George.
You're welcome, Lieutenant.

What's going on? Shh!
Who are all these people?

Celebrity Profile.
Mr Anders is being interviewed
by Celebrity Profile?

Not just an interview.
Wade's on the cover.

The cover! Hey!
About your background -

you were a security consultant.
That sounds like a Cinderella story.

I feel Crime Alert is the most
important work I've ever done.

The show must be a responsibility.
I feel an obligation to my viewers.

Our readers are as interested in you
as in the show.

What's your reaction to all this?

Have I touched on something
you'd rather not discuss? What?

No, no. I, er... I've got a lot on
my mind. I'm sure you can imagine.

Now's the time to hit the break.

Henry?

Mr Anders?

Lieutenant. What brings you back so
soon? I have something here, sir,

I'd like you to see. Certainly.
In your office?

Right this way.

I hope I've got the right envelope.
I've got so many of these.

We'll soon know.

Oh, dear.

Oh, yes! I've got 'em, sir.
What've you got, Lieutenant?

News stories?

If you could just look at these?

You want me to read them?
If you would, sir.

Out loud? That would be fine.

"Escape to Death"

"Hot Time for Slum Lord"
"Overdose in Medical Center"

You didn't notice the other two
are different from this one?

This one has upper and lower-case
letters,

while these two are all in capitals.
That's right.

What's the problem?

These were on Mr Clark's desk
when we found the body.

Where you found the body? Right,
sir. I don't understand the problem.

We found the story Escape to Death
on the computer,

so it would appear that this story

is the story
that Mr Clark was working on.

Yes, I would agree with you there,
Lieutenant.

The trouble is, sir, that this story
Escape to Death, wasn't typed the
same as these other two stories.

Why is that significant?

I can't explain it, sir.

Oh, you can't explain it. I see.
That's the problem. Yes, sir.

Maybe Bud typed that and his
secretary typed the others.

Then the titles
would still be the same.

There's no way for you to know this,
but they all use the same format -
Bud, the secretary, the newsroom.

I see. Yes.

Like these, all the titles in caps.

Hm. Hm.
Can you think of some explanation?

Nothing comes to mind.
No.

Oh, dear, dear, dear.
Wait a minute.

Maybe somebody other than Bud
typed that story? So,

someone other that Bud
typed the story. Yes. Yes.

That could be the answer. Yes.
Thank you, sir.

Ironic, isn't it? Sir?
The title.

Oh?

"Escape To Death".

That is ironic. Isn't it?
Yes.

I hope I've been of some help.
You certainly have, sir,

and I appreciate your input.
And thank you for your time.

Oh, Mr Anders? I forgot.
Something I wanted to show you.

Could you step out here? It'll only
take a few minutes. Two minutes.

What have you got here, Lieutenant?

Did you see what I just did? You
just tore a page out of my printer.

Watch carefully.
I'm gonna do it again.

Now d'you see what I mean?

You've torn two pages out
and you're holding one.

But do you see HOW I'm holding it?
Yes, I do.

I've tried every way I know and I
can't tear a page out of this printer

without touching both sides.
I don't understand the significance.

When we found Mr Clark's prints,
it was only one side of the page

that was under his hand.
Go on.

So if he'd pulled the page
out of the printer,

his fingerprints
would've been on both sides.

I think you're onto something.
Thank you, sir. That's good work.

Coming from you
that's a real compliment.

Keep me posted on your progress.

We could use some good material
for our show. That'd be terrific.

I'll be sure to let you know.
Do that.

Tell Max we're in perfect position.

We're in perfect position, Max.
Good. "Ready when they are."

OK, the cameras are in place down
here. SWAT team's almost ready.

They're just about to go down
the front.

Max, we're in place and we're ready.
Wait for my cue.

Cameras are ready.
Roll on Wade in 15 seconds.

OK, everything's ready. This is
gonna be good. It'd better be.

Any second now.
Here we go! Three, two...

Today you'll see first-hand
the capture of two suspects

profiled on Crime Alert last week.
Due to a tip from a viewer,

we've led the police to a motel
across the street

from where I'm standing.

Police! Open up!

Freeze!
Argh! Argh!

Barbara Baylor conspired with
Duke Dimarco to kill her husband

for the $500,000 insurance policy
on his life.

I wanna thank the viewers
who watch our show.

Because of you, criminals like
Barbara Baylor and Duke Dimarco

can be taken off our streets.
That's a wrap. How was it?

Max said they got it all.
It's gonna be great.

Tell Max not to start editing till
I go over it. Great show. Thanks.

Oh, a message from Lt Columbo.
He can't see you today.

He's hot on a lead
and will fill you in later.

He's bent on getting a case on our
show. Everyone's out to make a buck.

They're coming out of the woodwork.
Maurice is waiting to trim your hair

I'll head over there right now.
Thanks, Henry. Lt Columbo!

Thanks, fellas. Great show.

Well, Lieutenant,

a little here, here,
and off the top.

It'll make you look much more
distinguished... and sexier.

My wife'd like that. Are you gonna
take mostly off the top?

I'll trim the ends. Just the ends?
For shape, body.

I got the same barber 20 years.
I wouldn't wanna hurt his feelings.

We won't tell him. You'll love it.
Not too much.

What are you doing here?
How are you?

I just got a message that said
you were following a hot lead.

It fell apart. Hot lead turned cold.
Busted out on me.

But this morning I found this.
And this is really good.

Cigarettes?
Cigarettes.

Really? Maurice I need a little
trim. I haven't got much time.

Sorry. Your hairdresser was giving
me a few pointers on my hair.

By the way, what is the difference
between a hairdresser and a barber?

Oh, about $50.
(ALL LAUGH) That's a good one.

I'm gonna remember that.
This is like the fingerprints

being on only one side of the paper
instead of on both.

It opens up lots of questions.
Really? I'd love to show it to you.

Sure, if it doesn't take too long.
Two minutes, sir.

Mr Anders,

d'ya see the difference between
these two cigarettes?

Yeah. But I'm not the guy to ask
about cigarettes. I hate 'em.

You don't have to be a smoker, sir.

You can see the difference
between these two. Sure.

This one was found in Mr Clark's
ashtray, where we found the body.

But this was found on an ashtray
in another part of the room.

Am I stupid?
I must be missing the point.

These two cigarettes were put out
in two completely different ways.

One was crushed,
the other's twisted.

Exactly. Twisted, crushed.

People put out cigarettes in many
different ways. That's the point.

Someone else was there.

Someone else was there?

Of course. That's good.
Why didn't I think of that?

I don't know what this all means.
It's food for thought.

Oh, definitely. This is something
to chew on. Thank you, Wade.

Max is waiting. You go ahead, sir.
I don't wanna hold you up.

Good. That's really good.
Maybe YOU should host the show.

Fix his hair.

Lieutenant?

He's got a great sense of humour.
Yes, he does.

What's this? "Presumed Innocent."
What's that?

An audio book. Bud didn't have
much time for reading

so he'd listen to the cassette
in the car.

I read that book. That's a big book.

They got the whole book on this
thing? No. It's a condensed version.

Kinda like Reader's Digest.
Oh, that's great.

I should use that. First I have
to get a tape deck in my car.

So is this all? As far as I know.
Get me a tape deck in my car.

In the car!

"Pick up the dry-cleaning,

take a look at the station audios
for the 11 o'clock news,

check Arnie's in Hollywood for
background info on the porno film."

Hey, cutie, wanna show me
what's under the, er, raincoat?

There you go, pal. Excuse me, sir.
Wait your turn, buddy.

Hope we both have fun tonight, pal.

OK, what can I do for you?
I'm Lt Columbo, Homicide.

Homicide? Hey, wait.
I'm just a guy...

I just wanna ask you a few
questions. Nothing to worry about.

Did you know Bud Clark? Yeah. How
well? We served together in the army.

You were friends? We didn't exactly
travel in the same circles,

but in the Service we were close.
Whenever I needed him he was there.

I'm real proud of his success. Did
you send a tape to Mr Clark? Yeah.

"Holly Does Houston."
Holly does what? It's a porno film.

Holly Does...

Houston!

Ohh!

I get it. OK.

Came across it in boxes in the back.
Forgot I had it.

Figured Bud'd get a kick out of it.
As far as I know

it's the only porno film Wade Anders
ever made. Anders? He did a porno?

Gave quite a performance,
if you know what I mean?

Well, whaddya know about that?

Why would you think that Mr Clark
would get a kick out of that film?

Anders aced Bud out as host of the
Crime Alert Show. Did a hatchet job.

I figured he'd get a laugh out of
seeing Mr Clean in a porno film.

Did he know you sent it to Bud?
I never heard a word.

D'you have a copy? Has it anything
to do with Bud's death?

You never know, sir.
You gotta check everything out. Yeah.

I'll have to run you off a copy.
It's an 8mm. Anything for Bud, Lt.

Wait in here. Mr Anders should be
with you any minute. Thank you.

Be brief. He's due at a rehearsal
for the TV awards in an hour.

He's getting one of those statues?

No, he's going to be one of
the presenters. We're very excited.

Wow, this is some office here.
Look at all this stuff.

And that rug,
that must cost a bundle.

Oh, Mr Anders doesn't allow anyone
to smoke in his office. I'm sorry.

If you need anything,
I'll be at my desk. Thank you again.

(WHISTLES)

(CLOCK CHIMES)

Mr Anders, two phone calls.
Nothing important.

And Lt Columbo is waiting
in your office. In my office?

Lieutenant. Hey, you and
the Governor. That's pretty good.

It was a very special day for me,
I can assure you.

I'll bet it was, sir.

I was admiring your desk.

Isn't it an antique?
It's over 100 years old.

That's a beauty.
So, what brings you here?

We got the report from
the medical examiner. It showed...

If you don't mind. Would you, sir?
You want me to sign this?

For my wife.
She'd really get a kick out of it.

You were saying something about
a medical examiner's report. Mm?

Oh, yeah.
Mr Clark died of nicotine poisoning.

Nicotine poisoning?
So Bud smoked himself to death!

That's great. What?

Your pictures, sir. It wasn't
the nicotine in the tobacco

that killed him,
it was nicotine sulphate.

Nicotine sulphate? What's that?
Oh, you've never heard of it? No.

Well, sir, it's one of the deadliest
poisons there is.

It takes only one drop to kill a man.
That's incredible, Lieutenant.

You're telling me
that Bud was murdered?

Oh, yes,
Mr Clark was murdered alright.

I knew you always thought there was
some mystery surrounding his death,

but poisoned,
who would've thought of that?

From the start I thought something
was fishy here. Yes, I remember,

you were worried about
the fingerprints

being on only one side of the page.

Didn't make any sense.
You were right.

And now it appears, at least to me,

that somebody must've placed
Bud's hand on that paper.

The murderer!

Exactly the way I figured it, sir.
Only way it makes sense.

I still don't see how Bud
was poisoned with, whaddya call

that stuff, nicotine sulphate?
I haven't figured that out yet.

But I'm working on it.
I'm sure you are.

And I have the utmost confidence
in you

that you'll come up with
the right answer.

Thank you very much, sir.

Oh, something else has been bugging
me. What's that, Lieutenant?

We found an ashtray full of
cigarette butts on Bud's desk

and a cigarette in his hand. Bud was
a chain smoker. You know that.

The autopsy report showed he inhaled
the poison moments before he died.

But Mr Clark hadn't smoked
the cigarette in his hand,

or any of the cigarettes on his desk.
Why would you say that?

No nicotine stains on the filters.

OK, come on, you guys.
Right, come on out.

Alright, move forward, please. Yes.

(GENERAL CHATTER / MUSIC PLAYS)

High kick. Yeah, that's it.

Good, good. Kick it.
C'mon, let's go.

And roll it. Alright, here we go.

Alright, good.

Alright, now roll it.
I don't know, I think so.

We're ready for you, Mr Anders.
Come with me, please.

Excuse me, can I help you?
I'm looking for Wade Anders.

The security guard said...
If you leave your name...

I'm from the police. Lt Columbo.
Oh, I see. He's right over there.

Oh. He was there a minute ago.
Let me ask you something.

Is Rosanne Barr here?
No, later. I'd like to see her.

This is my first time. She'll be here
at 5.30. This is a great number.

Lieutenant.
Oh, there you are.

Fancy meeting you here.
This is really something.

Hi. Can I have your autograph?
It's exciting, isn't it?

I love to watch 'em dance. Yeah,
they got great legs. Thank you.

No business like showbusiness,
hey, Lt? You can say that again.

D'you know the first actress
who was ever on a postage stamp?

Who was that? Grace Kelly,
when she married Prince Rainier.

You don't say?
To commemorate the wedding.

Are you here to see me?
Yes, I am. Here's what happened.

After I left you
I had a meeting with the Captain.

This case is now murder, right?
Right.

He said, "Where do we go from here?"
Natural question, right? Right.

I got no answers. Now he sits down
and he's looking right at me.

This guy is tough. So he says,
"Who did Mr Clark last see?"

I said, "On Saturday, the day
he died, he didn't see anybody."

"Who did he see on Friday?"
"On Friday he went to work,

had an appointment with a Mr...
Wade Anders.

He knew you. Loves your show.
Really?

Mr Anders, they're waiting for you
at the podium.

So the bottom line is...
Lieutenant,

is this your way of asking
what I was doing on Saturday? Yes.

For heaven sake, just ask it.
With certain people it's hard.

Don't be foolish.
What time was the murder?

Between 6 and 7pm.
Between 6 and 7pm?

I was in my production office
working. Anybody with you? No.

How can we verify that, sir?
Verify it?

If we could. Verify it? That's where
I was. That's it. Anything else?

No. Thank you very much.

The nominees for outstanding
directing and... Er, Lieutenant?

It just occurred to me that my
presence in that production office

is probably recorded
on the surveillance tape. Oh?

Would that be of help?
Absolutely.

Good. Then I'll have it ready any
time you stop by. Tomorrow? Fine.

Thank you very much.

I'm sorry to hold you up.

Um, the nominees
for outstanding director

in a mini-series or special are...

(TYRES SCREECH)

(GEARS CRUNCH)

(BACKFIRES)

Could you back it up?!

(BACKFIRES)

(CLUNK! / BACKFIRES)

Move it back!

(BACKFIRES)

Are you alright?

No problem.

Hey, it looks pretty good.
I don't see anything.

The bumper saved you.
You see that?

They'll have to take off the hood,
match the paint.

It's gonna cost about $2,000.
Why don't we look at my car?

What kind of car was that anyway?

This is a 1950 Peugeot, sir.
They're very rare.

This didn't just all happen.

See this here? That's new.

Oh, that just happened. Yep.

You got insurance?
Er, yes, sir.

It's not gonna be easy to match
my paint, I can tell you that.

Oh, that shouldn't be too hard.
It looks like a standard grey.

Smoked silver. Custom.

Smoked silver?

Oh. Hm.

I presume you came for
the surveillance tape? Yes, sir.

I promised the Captain
I'd pick it today. Fine.

Is everything alright?
Just help me get rid of him.

How d'you do, ma'am?
(WHIRS)

Look. It's just like in a bank.
We have confidential data here.

In the wrong hands
it could do a lot of harm.

I hope this satisfies your captain.
I hope so too.

And thank you very much for this.
You're welcome.

Oh, gee, you know,

while I'm here, maybe I better give
you the name of my insurance company.

It'd be easier if you let
the production company handle it.

Oh, that's very nice.

Here are your notes for
the policeman's ball.

They want your OK on it.
We're going, the wife and I.

Oh, yes, she's already picked out
a new outfit. She's so excited.

Well, I'll see you tomorrow evening,
sir.

You've got quite a tan on you.
I don't think you've been working.

How are you doing? Thanks for
all that help. Hello, ladies.

Wade, how are you? Fine. I haven't
seen you since the Bel Air Hotel.

Lieutenant?

That's quite a change.

Oh, yeah, it's my wife. She made me
wear it. She's so excited.

Er, I wondered, would you mind,
could I introduce you to her?

Certainly, but we'll have to make it
quick. Er, gee,

she was here a minute ago.
That's all I heard on the way over.

She's probably in the ladies.
Women always wanna look their best.

When you find her, bring her over.
I'm looking forward to meeting her.

Is something wrong?
Your shirt, it's so perfect.

Not a wrinkle in it. What did you pay
for that? I don't know. Maybe $300.

Just for the shirt?
The starch was extra. It's a dye.

That's amazing, sir.
This shirt I got on,

it travelled just as far,
it only cost $9.99. It's Korean.

Very nice. Now if you'll excuse me,
I've gotta get to the table.

I don't wanna hold you up.
Oh, Mr Anders?

I know you'll wanna hear about this.
Can this wait?

I realise this isn't a good time
to bother you. We've found a film.

About a girl. Holly.

She lives in Houston.

Why don't you go to the table?
I'll meet you there. Alright.

Lieutenant?

What were you saying about some girl
in Houston?

There was an audio tape
in Bud's car.

There was loads of information
on a party film.

Isn't that what they're called?
Holly Does Houston.

You do remember it, don't you? Why
would you mention that now, in here?

You knew Bud had a copy of the film.
How would I know that?

He came to see ya. Wait a minute.

You don't think that was the story
he was working on, do you?

Are you saying Bud was planning
to blackmail me? It's a possibility.

What would that accomplish?
We all make mistakes.

I was very young
and that was a long time ago.

There you are. Sorry to bother you.
You're needed at the table.

Would you tell Ken
we'll be right there?

I'd deem it
a great professional courtesy

if you'd not mention this
to anyone else. I understand.

You're holding up the entire party.
I'm coming!

Sir?

Hi. Is Dog ready?
I believe so.

John, is Dog ready?

Ready to go.

Hello, how are you?
Fine, John, just fine. And you?

We're just great, aren't we?
Oh, get a look at you,

how good you look! You know,

there's not a dog in the place
you couldn't have.

He don't look too happy.
Come on, we gotta go now.

(GROWLS)
Come on.

Come on.

He's mad at me. He shouldn't be.
He got the royal treatment.

A herbal conditioner.
Makes the skin soft.

Mrs Columbo also asked for
the pedicure.

The what? Is Sebastian ready yet?
I'll go get him. Nice seeing you.

Pedicure?

Oh, look, he's sulking.
You want a little beef? There.

Let me see your pedicure. Ooh.
Ooh, that's nice.

Pedicure?

Hold this.

"Hello?" Frank?
"Yeah." Columbo.

I'll be at the station at four
to look at the surveillance tape.

I want a photographer there.

"Photographer?" Right.
"You got it."

Tell him to bring the magnifying
lens. "Instead of the video?"

No, I wanna look at the tape first.
"Right."

What are we looking for?

Let's run it one more time.
Something's bothering me.

I can't put my finger on it. I don't
know what you're looking for.

You've run this so many times
already. Maybe this time.

That's it.

OK, enough.

I saw all I need.

That's a wrap! Let's pack up
so we can get out of here!

(ALL TALK AT ONCE)

Fantastic. Max, you did it.
I'll call the network.

I'll use this for this week's promo.
You got it!

We're going for some Mexican food,
if you wanna come?

Count me in. I'm starved.
Wade?

You're starved and I'm tired.
I'll do some work then go home.

Come on.
Come on.

No, but thank you.
Alright. Good night.

Good work, Max.

(FOOTSTEPS)

I saw the tape.

Lieutenant?

You... saw the tape?

Yeah, I saw the surveillance tape
you gave me. And?

I'd like you to see it, sir.
I've already seen it.

I kept looking at that tape.

Couldn't figure out
what was bothering me.

There's nothing wrong with it, I can
assure you. I've seen it myself.

I'd like you to see it again.
I don't need to.

I'm tired and have lots of work
to do. Mr Anders?

Mr Anders?
There is something you should see.

What is it that's bothering you?

Why don't you look for yourself,
then decide?

This better be worth my time.

If you would, sir.

It's perfectly fine, just as I said.

It would appear that way, but if you
could just play it once again, sir.

There. Right there. Stop there.

D'you see, sir,

when you came in
the production office

the hedges were neatly trimmed?

You claimed
that was Saturday morning.

Now it's seven hours later.

You can tell that by the clock
and you're leaving.

But it can't be Saturday night
because, look.

Look at the hedges.

Well, even my niece's green thumb
couldn't grow hedges that fast.

Just what are you driving at?

That you weren't in
your production office, as you said,

at the time that Mr Clark died.

Have you ever seen this kid before?
No, I can't say I have.

Have you seen the dog? No.
Are you sure?

How should I remember every dog
I see? It's Bud's dog.

How should I know that? You're sure
you've never seen it before?

I have never been to Bud Clark's
house. You have never been?

No, never.
I don't even know where he lives.

You've never been to his house.
Are you sure?

How many times do I have to answer
that. Frank! Did you get that?

Yeah, I got it.

This is a friendly dog.
He's got a missing claw.

When we had that car accident
the other day,

I felt scratches on the car door.
Didn't think too much about it.

But then I remembered that
the first time I went to Bud's house

this dog was all over my car.
Made some scratches. Nothing serious.

And the scratches on your car door
came to about the same place

as the scratches on mine.
Then it hit me.

We used a special magnifying lens.

See your car door? Left paw
three scratches, right paw four.

My car door. Left three scratches,
right four. Exactly the same.

So you see, sir, you had to have been
at Mr Clark's home.

A dog.

Man's best friend.

I'm pleased you got a good story
for a show.

"Tune in to Crime Alert, Tuesday
at 9pm, and see the capture of

Duke Dimarco and Barbara Baylor."
I don't think so.

"Voted America's No 1 crime show."
It will be for the 11 o'clock news.

Remember, keep your eyes open
and stay alert.

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