Original subtitles

there's a simple way to tell if somebody's manipulating you

and this is typically a tactic that's used in psychology and psychiatry

and this is how we know if we're engaging with a manipulative patient or client

because this is something that we need to know

and if you have someone in your life that is manipulating you

or you suspect is a manipulative person

this technique will allow you to know if this person is manipulative

so the thing about individuals who are trying to manipulate us

is that they're using our emotions against ourselves

so individuals who manipulate will elicit certain emotions in themselves

in order to create emotions in you

and that can be pity that can be guilt

that can be shame all of these emotions are very good at changing our behavior

and manipulation is essentially this

it's somebody else trying to control our behavior against our own will

and if you want to know if somebody's manipulating you

you really need to watch for the changes in their emotions

and I'll teach you how to do this

but essentially what happens is that when somebody's trying to manipulate you

they're using their emotions as a weapon

and when somebody uses their emotions as a weapon

typically they're experiencing their emotions for much shorter times

and they're experiencing much more variability in emotions

than someone who's not trying to manipulate you

and this is pretty straightforward

we know that when somebody is genuine

they typically are just in an emotion

either they're feeling sad or they're feeling guilty

or whatever they're they stay in that emotion

when someone's trying to manipulate you and their weaponizing emotions

then they will cycle through those emotions very quickly as a tactic

and if you watch for it you can start noticing it in people who are manipulative

and that they're using emotions a little bit too quickly

like they went from sadness to pity to guilt

like way too quickly

and you can um

elicit this change in them by essentially giving in to their story

so somebody might kind of be spinning this story about how they're such a victim

even though they're in the wrong

and you might actually start empathizing with them

you may say like oh yeah

like I completely understand why

you know that is wrong

and why you're you know

in in the victim mode here

or whatever like

you can say

whatever kind of contributes to their story and makes them feel validated

and then what you wanna do is you wanna kind of backtrack and be like

oh no

but actually like

you should be accountable for this

because this does seem wrong to me

and so watch what they do when you do this

because somebody who's manipulating you

will switch very quickly to a new emotional tactic

so maybe they'll go from victim to anger right

like maybe they'll try to

there they'll be in that space of trying to elicit pity from you

and they'll quickly straight go to like

no it's your fault

and they'll be really angry at you

or maybe they'll go into a completely new emotion

like they'll try to guilt you

and so this quick switch and emotions

when you kind of give in to them

but then like

you establish a boundary like no

actually you should be accountable

this quick switch in emotion is the hallmark of an manipulative person

because people who are not manipulative do not cycle through emotions that fast

because they're not using emotions as weapons