Original subtitles

they do not have narcissism

they have ADHD I'm a psychologist

and all of you out here who are diagnosing your partners

or other people with narcissistic personality disorder

it's way way

way more likely that they have ADHD or a subclinical form of ADHD

and I'm gonna explain why

so narcissism is 1% of the population

ADHD is 4.4% of the adult population

much more likely in males than in females

variable attention stimulus trait

which is thought to be like a subclinical form of ADHD

in which people have some of the traits of ADHD

is 15 to 20% of the population and rising every year

so if we consider that NPD is 1%

ADHD is almost 5% and vast

variable attention stimulus trait

is up to 20% in the population

the more likely scenario here is that your partner has vast

and what it can it can look scary close to NPD in certain

in certain circumstances

and it often looks very similar to narcissism in conflict

and the reason for this is because of rejection sensitivity dysphoria

this is something that happens to individuals with ADHD and with vast

because of the way that their neurology is

so because the dopaminergic centers their mind

and because of how their amygdala works

they are just extremely sensitive to criticism

they're super sensitive to it

and so if you go up to them and you say honey

you did this and that and you did this and this

and I didn't like it and I need you to stop

they can react just like a narcissist

they can get highly critical back to you

they can get super defensive

they can get very upset they can get angry

and they can have a very difficult time regulating their emotions

when this happens and that does not mean that they have narcissism

it means that they have ADHD or subclinical ADHD

and that's because they cannot regulate the extreme

extreme dysphoria which means just like

epic pain that comes from criticism

when it comes to ADHD we know that their emotions

their negative emotions in particular

are stronger and last longer and are way more difficult to regulate

so when you communicate with them

like you wouldn't say like

a normal relationship and you think like oh

I'm gonna you know

bring something to my partner that I didn't like

and we're gonna talk it out and we're gonna resolve it

and it's going to be great

it doesn't work like that with people with ADHD or the subclinical form of ADHD

they react very poorly to this

and that's because of the rejection sensitivity dysphoria

and I think that's what a lot of people on this platform are experiencing

with their partners or significant others that they think have NPD

they're seeing this like

super rejection sensitivity dysphoria

and they're like oh

my goodness

I can't make any headway with this individual because they get so defensive

and they essentially freak out every time I bring anything to them

and that's because individuals ADHD are so

so sensitive to criticism

and you need to speak to them in a different way

so the best way to do this is to essentially try to phrase everything

almost like a compliment cause they actually experience the

the opposite as well so because um

they're so sensitive to rejection

they're actually super hyper sensitive to compliments as well

so compliments like feel like

way better to them than the average person

so the way that we speak to individuals that have um

a d H d symptoms needs to really change

and that's why we're all getting stuck

well that's why I think so many people are following so much of this like

narcissism content because they feel stuck there

and they're like why can't I make any headway with my partner

and it's because we can't we

we just can't criticize them

like we can't do it

like we need to stop uh

approaching these conflicts or these conversations from a place of criticism

and the thing is is that what doesn't sound like criticism to you

will sound like criticism to someone that has ADHD symptoms

so if you think your partner's a narcissist

they probably aren't they probably have subclinical ADHD

and it's on the rise and we're all becoming more ADHD

and I really hope this helps people

please comment below if you'd like to um

have me

make some videos about tips of how to speak to someone that has ADHD symptoms

because um

speaking to someone with more of

like a neurodiversity

isn't the same as speaking to someone with the kind of neurotypical mind

so we can speak to people in a way that makes sense to them

and that's what the biggest takeaway I hope is for this video

is that we need to learn to speak to individuals who are not neurotypical

in a way that makes sense to them

if we want to be in a relationship with them or if we want to make progress