Original subtitles

did You Know That there's a Right Way to complain in relationships

if you watch one TikTok

watch this one because it might save your current future relationship

okay so this is a 3 step process

and it's actually really well documented by the Gottman Institute

and if you complain in relationships in this way

you will have much better relationships

and your relationships which will

they will have a much higher rate of success

so step one is always start with I

so you say I'm angry

I'm sad I'm frustrated

but it always starts with I

and if you don't have a particular emotion

you can just say I'm upset

that covers pretty much everything

and so the second step is to state

about what are you upset

so this needs to be factual

it needs to be something objective

it's something that describes an objective situation that other people can see

other people can notice

so you need to describe the actual situation

so I'm upset the garbage wasn't taken out

you don't describe the other person

you describe what has happened

the behaviors

the situation

okay now for step number 3

then you state what you need

almost everyone misses this step

and it's crucial

because otherwise

you leave your partner with this massive feeling that you're upset

and there's nothing to do about it

it's a little bit hopeless

and so what you want to do is you want to describe what you need

that your partner can do to remedy the situation

so I'm upset the garbage hasn't been taken out

I'm wondering if you would be open to taking out the garbage on Tuesday nights

something like that

and so if you tell your partner what

how they can make it better

this will offer them a way to solve this

uh conflict and also kind of give a bit more hope to the relationship

I hope this helps

uh comment below if you already do this

or if this is new information let me know

and if you have any questions

uh comment them

and I will answer them as well