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if you and your partner are constantly having the same argument
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there's no resolution
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you both just get superheated
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and nothing really good comes out of it
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it might be because one or both of you are experiencing what we call flooding
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so flooding is when we experience such a strong emotional reaction
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it essentially results in a physiological response
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that makes us unable to really resolve conflict or even think very logically
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we experience our emotions so
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in such a heightened way that we can't really even focus on what's going on
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and we have purely emotional reactions
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there's nothing wrong with flooding
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it just is something that happens
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and it can feel frightening
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frightening to anyone that's experiencing it
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feels like you're completely being overcome
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by whatever emotional sensation you have
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and so what happens is that when both or one party is being flooded
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they essentially check out in many ways
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they might say things that they normally would not say
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they get extremely defensive
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maybe their voice races
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they experiencing physiological responses
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like heart racing
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feeling out of breath
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things like that
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and it's actually really difficult to resolve any conflict in this state
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and so if you or your partner
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or both of you are experiencing this
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it's actually best to notice it and to take a break
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so I know a lot of individuals believe that we should resolve the conflict
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like don't go to bed angry
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blah blah blah
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but if you're in a flooded state
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there's no hope for conflict resolution in the moment
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like nothing good is gonna come out of this
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um one or both of you uh
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need to take a break
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and you need to be able to communicate that this needs to happen
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so the best way to do this is to talk about this when you're not in a conflict
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so when both of you are feeling calm
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when you're feeling loving
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and you're able to have a discussion
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like hey look
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maybe one or both of us gets flooded in a conflict
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nervous system just goes haywire
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we don't make any good resolutions
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let's talk about what to do
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how we're going to take a break during the conflict
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in order for one or both of us to kind of
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resolve our nervous system deregulation
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and then kind of go back to resolving our conflict in a calm
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and productive state4016
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