Original subtitles

if you and your partner are constantly having the same argument

there's no resolution

you both just get superheated

and nothing really good comes out of it

it might be because one or both of you are experiencing what we call flooding

so flooding is when we experience such a strong emotional reaction

it essentially results in a physiological response

that makes us unable to really resolve conflict or even think very logically

we experience our emotions so

in such a heightened way that we can't really even focus on what's going on

and we have purely emotional reactions

there's nothing wrong with flooding

it just is something that happens

and it can feel frightening

frightening to anyone that's experiencing it

feels like you're completely being overcome

by whatever emotional sensation you have

and so what happens is that when both or one party is being flooded

they essentially check out in many ways

they might say things that they normally would not say

they get extremely defensive

maybe their voice races

they experiencing physiological responses

like heart racing

feeling out of breath

things like that

and it's actually really difficult to resolve any conflict in this state

and so if you or your partner

or both of you are experiencing this

it's actually best to notice it and to take a break

so I know a lot of individuals believe that we should resolve the conflict

like don't go to bed angry

blah blah blah

but if you're in a flooded state

there's no hope for conflict resolution in the moment

like nothing good is gonna come out of this

um one or both of you uh

need to take a break

and you need to be able to communicate that this needs to happen

so the best way to do this is to talk about this when you're not in a conflict

so when both of you are feeling calm

when you're feeling loving

and you're able to have a discussion

like hey look

maybe one or both of us gets flooded in a conflict

nervous system just goes haywire

we don't make any good resolutions

let's talk about what to do

how we're going to take a break during the conflict

in order for one or both of us to kind of

resolve our nervous system deregulation

and then kind of go back to resolving our conflict in a calm

and productive state