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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,547 --> 00:00:03.306 if you and your partner are constantly having the same argument 2 00:00:03,307 --> 00:00:04.432 there's no resolution 3 00:00:04,787 --> 00:00:06.512 you both just get superheated 4 00:00:06,627 --> 00:00:09.032 and nothing really good comes out of it 5 00:00:09,252 --> 00:00:14.207 it might be because one or both of you are experiencing what we call flooding 6 00:00:14,452 --> 00:00:19.127 so flooding is when we experience such a strong emotional reaction 7 00:00:19,452 --> 00:00:22.567 it essentially results in a physiological response 8 00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:28.839 that makes us unable to really resolve conflict or even think very logically 9 00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:32.104 we experience our emotions so 10 00:00:33,195 --> 00:00:38.064 in such a heightened way that we can't really even focus on what's going on 11 00:00:38,075 --> 00:00:40.504 and we have purely emotional reactions 12 00:00:41,195 --> 00:00:42.634 there's nothing wrong with flooding 13 00:00:42,635 --> 00:00:44.794 it just is something that happens 14 00:00:44,795 --> 00:00:48.264 and it can feel frightening 15 00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:50.648 frightening to anyone that's experiencing it 16 00:00:50,649 --> 00:00:52.829 feels like you're completely being overcome 17 00:00:53,030 --> 00:00:55.909 by whatever emotional sensation you have 18 00:00:56,400 --> 00:01:01.694 and so what happens is that when both or one party is being flooded 19 00:01:01,965 --> 00:01:04.854 they essentially check out in many ways 20 00:01:05,285 --> 00:01:09.454 they might say things that they normally would not say 21 00:01:10,021 --> 00:01:11.500 they get extremely defensive 22 00:01:11,501 --> 00:01:12.980 maybe their voice races 23 00:01:12,981 --> 00:01:15.700 they experiencing physiological responses 24 00:01:15,701 --> 00:01:16.918 like heart racing 25 00:01:17,661 --> 00:01:18.660 feeling out of breath 26 00:01:18,661 --> 00:01:19.758 things like that 27 00:01:20,021 --> 00:01:24.478 and it's actually really difficult to resolve any conflict in this state 28 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:28.058 and so if you or your partner 29 00:01:28,201 --> 00:01:30.360 or both of you are experiencing this 30 00:01:30,361 --> 00:01:35.138 it's actually best to notice it and to take a break 31 00:01:35,427 --> 00:01:39.946 so I know a lot of individuals believe that we should resolve the conflict 32 00:01:39,947 --> 00:01:41.186 like don't go to bed angry 33 00:01:41,187 --> 00:01:42.032 blah blah blah 34 00:01:42,347 --> 00:01:44.512 but if you're in a flooded state 35 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:48.531 there's no hope for conflict resolution in the moment 36 00:01:48,848 --> 00:01:51.611 like nothing good is gonna come out of this 37 00:01:51,808 --> 00:01:53.607 um one or both of you uh 38 00:01:53,608 --> 00:01:54.851 need to take a break 39 00:01:55,128 --> 00:01:58.567 and you need to be able to communicate that this needs to happen 40 00:01:58,568 --> 00:02:04.931 so the best way to do this is to talk about this when you're not in a conflict 41 00:02:05,456 --> 00:02:07.803 so when both of you are feeling calm 42 00:02:08,016 --> 00:02:09.483 when you're feeling loving 43 00:02:09,776 --> 00:02:11.855 and you're able to have a discussion 44 00:02:11,856 --> 00:02:12.895 like hey look 45 00:02:12,896 --> 00:02:16.483 maybe one or both of us gets flooded in a conflict 46 00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:19.139 nervous system just goes haywire 47 00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:21.399 we don't make any good resolutions 48 00:02:21,740 --> 00:02:23.639 let's talk about what to do 49 00:02:23,660 --> 00:02:26.159 how we're going to take a break during the conflict 50 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:30.367 in order for one or both of us to kind of 51 00:02:30,932 --> 00:02:34.331 resolve our nervous system deregulation 52 00:02:34,332 --> 00:02:38.887 and then kind of go back to resolving our conflict in a calm 53 00:02:39,212 --> 00:02:40.607 and productive state4016

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