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1
00:00:06,166 --> 00:00:08,166
(theme music playing)
2
00:00:47,875 --> 00:00:51,291
(Carrie)
how well you think you know it,
3
00:00:51,375 --> 00:00:54,583
there's always somewhere
or someone new to discover.
4
00:00:55,166 --> 00:00:58,416
I was on my second date with Ray King,
who lived in Queens,
5
00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:00,916
although it felt like our second,
third and fourth date,
6
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:03,625
because we'd been to three jazz clubs
in one night.
7
00:01:03,708 --> 00:01:05,833
I can't sing for shit,
but damn, can I chop.
8
00:01:06,458 --> 00:01:08,375
And where does one learn this skill?
9
00:01:08,458 --> 00:01:10,250
-Jersey Shore.
-Is that where you're from?
10
00:01:10,333 --> 00:01:14,041
Listen. This lick right here
is why I wanted to play the bass.
11
00:01:14,125 --> 00:01:15,666
(jazz music playing over speakers)
12
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Man.
13
00:01:18,083 --> 00:01:19,625
How about that?
14
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,875
Jesus, that's sweet.
15
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:23,916
Listen to that again.
16
00:01:27,750 --> 00:01:30,208
(music stops then starts again)
17
00:01:33,083 --> 00:01:35,750
Yeah. Yeah.
18
00:01:40,541 --> 00:01:42,083
How about that?
19
00:01:46,541 --> 00:01:48,958
This might be a good time to tell you...
20
00:01:49,625 --> 00:01:51,125
I don't like jazz.
21
00:01:52,166 --> 00:01:53,625
(groans)
22
00:01:55,750 --> 00:01:58,208
Why would you say something like that?
23
00:01:58,541 --> 00:02:00,750
I don't know, you can't follow it,
24
00:02:00,833 --> 00:02:02,666
and there's no melody.
25
00:02:02,750 --> 00:02:05,041
And it's just like aaah!
It's all over the place.
26
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:08,458
Carrie, you gotta stop trying
to make it be something else,
27
00:02:08,541 --> 00:02:10,875
and appreciate it for what it is.
28
00:02:10,958 --> 00:02:12,541
Damn, I wish I had my bass.
29
00:02:14,750 --> 00:02:16,750
Come here, you be the bass.
30
00:02:17,541 --> 00:02:19,875
Don't I have to be
in the musician's union or something?
31
00:02:19,958 --> 00:02:22,291
-(chuckles)
-You play all those instruments?
32
00:02:22,375 --> 00:02:26,166
"Play" is a little strong. I learn
a few notes, I get bored, I move on.
33
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Listen to the bass.
34
00:02:30,166 --> 00:02:31,791
The beauty of jazz,
35
00:02:32,125 --> 00:02:34,000
is that it can go anywhere.
36
00:02:34,833 --> 00:02:36,583
It can go from here...
37
00:02:38,166 --> 00:02:39,500
to here...
38
00:02:41,750 --> 00:02:43,333
-to here...
-(Carrie gasps)
39
00:02:46,125 --> 00:02:49,541
(Carrie)
that I started to appreciate
40
00:02:49,625 --> 00:02:52,291
a little type of music we call jazz.
41
00:02:53,791 --> 00:02:55,000
(Carrie laughs)
42
00:02:55,666 --> 00:02:57,708
So, what did you do last night?
43
00:02:58,166 --> 00:02:59,791
I listened to jazz.
44
00:03:00,333 --> 00:03:02,750
(giggles)
45
00:03:02,833 --> 00:03:05,000
What is so funny about jazz?
46
00:03:06,125 --> 00:03:07,791
Okay, here it is.
47
00:03:09,166 --> 00:03:11,208
Last night, with Ray,
48
00:03:12,541 --> 00:03:13,791
I had...
49
00:03:14,541 --> 00:03:16,416
(Carrie laughs)
50
00:03:16,500 --> 00:03:19,375
The most intense orgasm
of my entire life.
51
00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:23,583
-Oh.
-I did my laundry. Continue.
52
00:03:23,666 --> 00:03:25,791
It doesn't make sense,
I barely know him.
53
00:03:25,875 --> 00:03:27,500
We've only been on two dates.
54
00:03:27,583 --> 00:03:29,166
And yet you had sex with him.
55
00:03:29,250 --> 00:03:32,166
Can everyone please let Carrie
talk about the sex?
56
00:03:32,875 --> 00:03:35,583
The mind-blowing sex. Now,
57
00:03:36,166 --> 00:03:39,083
I realize that this next statement,
58
00:03:39,541 --> 00:03:42,125
makes me a bit of a freak, but, um...
59
00:03:43,750 --> 00:03:46,541
I usually have to be in love
with someone
60
00:03:46,625 --> 00:03:48,541
to have that kind of orgasm.
61
00:03:48,625 --> 00:03:50,291
You might want to see someone
about that.
62
00:03:50,375 --> 00:03:52,958
What the hell is going on?
63
00:03:53,041 --> 00:03:54,625
Maybe Ray is the one.
64
00:03:54,708 --> 00:03:56,541
Your clitoris seems to think so.
65
00:03:56,625 --> 00:03:58,333
Ah, it was probably just a fluke.
66
00:03:58,416 --> 00:04:00,500
I'm going back tomorrow to find out.
67
00:04:00,583 --> 00:04:02,916
I, on the other hand, am on strike.
68
00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,458
What does that mean?
69
00:04:04,541 --> 00:04:06,833
It means I'm not having any more sex.
70
00:04:06,916 --> 00:04:09,125
That's not a strike, honey,
that's a slump.
71
00:04:09,208 --> 00:04:12,916
No, it might have started as a slump,
but I'm in control of it now.
72
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,166
I've made the conscious decision
not to have sex
73
00:04:15,250 --> 00:04:16,750
until conditions improve.
74
00:04:16,833 --> 00:04:19,041
How many people
will be affected by this strike?
75
00:04:19,125 --> 00:04:22,458
Um, so far, just the one,
but, uh, I'm optimistic.
76
00:04:22,541 --> 00:04:23,750
(all laughing)
77
00:04:23,833 --> 00:04:28,208
The thing is,
I can't go on any more bad dates.
78
00:04:28,291 --> 00:04:31,250
I would rather be home alone
than out with some guy
79
00:04:31,333 --> 00:04:33,708
who sells socks on the Internet.
80
00:04:33,791 --> 00:04:36,416
Well, I'm dating someone.
81
00:04:37,125 --> 00:04:39,000
Someone I actually like.
82
00:04:39,083 --> 00:04:40,750
-Good.
-Wow!
83
00:04:40,833 --> 00:04:42,000
Maria.
84
00:04:45,625 --> 00:04:48,375
My Maria, from the gallery?
85
00:04:48,458 --> 00:04:50,791
She's my Maria now, we're having a...
86
00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:52,541
relationship.
87
00:04:53,625 --> 00:04:56,250
Yes, ladies, I'm a lesbian.
88
00:04:58,083 --> 00:04:59,541
Wait a second.
89
00:05:00,458 --> 00:05:03,541
-You're in a relationship?
-Yes. Oh.
90
00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:05,458
And she just walked in.
91
00:05:05,541 --> 00:05:08,291
Please get those looks
off your faces. Maria.
92
00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:09,708
(Samantha chuckling)
93
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,875
-Hello.
-You know Charlotte.
94
00:05:16,958 --> 00:05:18,041
Sure.
95
00:05:18,125 --> 00:05:19,833
(Samantha)
And this is Carrie and Miranda.
96
00:05:19,916 --> 00:05:21,416
-Hi!
-It's so nice to meet you.
97
00:05:21,500 --> 00:05:24,208
-Good to see you.
-I see you told them.
98
00:05:24,291 --> 00:05:25,458
(Samantha) Mm-hm.
99
00:05:26,250 --> 00:05:27,875
-How does that work?
-(Miranda) Uh--
100
00:05:27,958 --> 00:05:30,208
You go to bed,
you wake up the next morning
101
00:05:30,291 --> 00:05:31,666
and, poof, you're a lesbian?
102
00:05:31,750 --> 00:05:33,416
I forgot to tell you,
I'm a fire hydrant.
103
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:35,833
(laughs) Yeah, I'm a shoe.
104
00:05:35,916 --> 00:05:38,916
I always wanted to be one,
and, poof, now I am.
105
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:42,041
I don't think she's a lesbian,
I think she just ran out of men.
106
00:05:42,125 --> 00:05:44,458
Then you go on strike,
you don't eat pussy.
107
00:05:44,541 --> 00:05:45,791
Ew.
108
00:05:45,875 --> 00:05:48,916
Did you just say "eat pussy"?
109
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,125
I did, but just for emphasis.
110
00:05:53,750 --> 00:05:58,166
You know, the truly amazing thing is,
I had the news tonight.
111
00:05:58,250 --> 00:06:02,666
-I had the most intense...
-"Mind-blowing," I believe was the word.
112
00:06:02,750 --> 00:06:04,458
...orgasm of my life,
113
00:06:04,541 --> 00:06:07,333
and Samantha still managed to up-sex me.
114
00:06:08,208 --> 00:06:09,375
(Charlotte sighs)
115
00:06:14,083 --> 00:06:16,541
They met at my gallery.
I introduced them.
116
00:06:16,625 --> 00:06:18,166
Poof, you're a pimp.
117
00:06:19,291 --> 00:06:22,250
(Carrie)
inspired by Samantha's willingness
118
00:06:22,333 --> 00:06:23,708
to explore new territory,
119
00:06:23,791 --> 00:06:27,041
Charlotte felt it was time
to conquer some old territory.
120
00:06:27,458 --> 00:06:28,541
The bed.
121
00:06:28,625 --> 00:06:32,125
Where she and Trey
had so much trouble as man and wife.
122
00:06:32,208 --> 00:06:33,375
Here we are.
123
00:06:34,333 --> 00:06:35,375
Yep.
124
00:06:37,166 --> 00:06:39,166
Should we have a glass of wine first?
125
00:06:39,250 --> 00:06:42,250
-I'm fine, unless you--
-No, I'm okay.
126
00:06:48,125 --> 00:06:49,833
If you don't feel ready...
127
00:07:01,416 --> 00:07:05,291
(Carrie)
didn't mean she had to do without.
128
00:07:07,458 --> 00:07:10,666
That's how Miranda discovered
the perfect relationship.
129
00:07:10,750 --> 00:07:12,291
Welcome to the show. I'm Jon Stewart...
130
00:07:12,375 --> 00:07:15,208
(Carrie)
Jon Stewart and chocolate éclairs.
131
00:07:15,291 --> 00:07:19,708
(Stewart)
from what I understand, in love with me.
132
00:07:20,791 --> 00:07:21,875
(Carrie)
133
00:07:21,958 --> 00:07:25,458
Charlotte and Trey enjoyed
a sweet ending to their evening as well.
134
00:07:27,000 --> 00:07:28,375
Not bad, huh?
135
00:07:28,458 --> 00:07:30,000
(Charlotte moans)
136
00:07:30,625 --> 00:07:32,750
It was almost mind-blowing.
137
00:07:33,416 --> 00:07:35,041
(Carrie)
138
00:07:35,416 --> 00:07:38,166
Now that they had fixed their problem
in the bedroom,
139
00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:41,791
she was ready to move back
into the other rooms as well.
140
00:07:42,208 --> 00:07:43,500
So...
141
00:07:44,833 --> 00:07:46,666
what are you thinking?
142
00:07:47,583 --> 00:07:51,250
I'm thinking I've never seen
my John Thomas so hard.
143
00:07:52,166 --> 00:07:56,250
I swear, at times I felt like
it was gonna rocket right off.
144
00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,958
What were you thinking?
145
00:08:01,541 --> 00:08:03,458
I don't know. Um...
146
00:08:04,666 --> 00:08:06,041
(Trey sighs)
147
00:08:06,125 --> 00:08:07,375
Should I?
148
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:13,250
Do you?
149
00:08:16,458 --> 00:08:18,916
-Are we ready to--
-Go again?
150
00:08:22,916 --> 00:08:25,333
Houston, we don't have a problem.
151
00:08:26,916 --> 00:08:30,375
Three, two, one, blastoff!
152
00:08:30,458 --> 00:08:32,291
(Charlotte laughs)
153
00:08:32,375 --> 00:08:34,041
(buzzer sounds)
154
00:08:34,625 --> 00:08:36,958
-Who is it?
-It's Ray.
155
00:08:37,375 --> 00:08:39,083
Uh, hi. Uh, come on up.
156
00:08:39,166 --> 00:08:40,166
(phone ringing)
157
00:08:40,250 --> 00:08:41,250
Shit.
158
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:46,458
Hello?
159
00:08:46,791 --> 00:08:50,875
So did you and the girls
run down the street talking about me?
160
00:08:51,208 --> 00:08:53,250
-Maybe.
-How many blocks?
161
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:54,833
Oh...
162
00:08:54,916 --> 00:08:56,958
Two, okay, nine.
163
00:08:57,541 --> 00:08:59,458
Honestly, I'm a little hurt.
164
00:08:59,541 --> 00:09:01,250
After all the hours I've spent listening
165
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,500
to you people
talk about your relationships.
166
00:09:03,583 --> 00:09:04,791
(Carrie spits)
167
00:09:04,875 --> 00:09:06,083
You do that?
168
00:09:06,166 --> 00:09:07,833
I make the courtesy call.
169
00:09:07,916 --> 00:09:10,375
"Do you think you love him?
Blah, blah, blah."
170
00:09:10,458 --> 00:09:14,291
Well, you just caught us a little
off guard with the lesbian thing.
171
00:09:14,375 --> 00:09:16,833
That's just a label,
like Gucci or Versace.
172
00:09:16,916 --> 00:09:18,083
Or Birkenstock.
173
00:09:18,166 --> 00:09:20,166
This is not about being gay or straight.
174
00:09:20,958 --> 00:09:23,083
Maria is an incredible woman.
175
00:09:23,166 --> 00:09:25,541
She's got passion, and talent,
176
00:09:25,625 --> 00:09:27,541
-intelligence--
-A vagina.
177
00:09:28,541 --> 00:09:31,250
-Vagina schmagina.
-"Schmagina"?
178
00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:34,375
Is that what
the lesbians are calling it?
179
00:09:34,458 --> 00:09:37,000
For your information,
we haven't even had sex yet.
180
00:09:37,083 --> 00:09:38,125
Wow.
181
00:09:38,208 --> 00:09:40,125
You really are in a relationship.
182
00:09:40,208 --> 00:09:43,750
I am. Life is not all about sex.
183
00:09:43,833 --> 00:09:46,125
Try telling that to her schmagina.
184
00:09:46,791 --> 00:09:49,458
I want a bourbon,
and I want to go down on you.
185
00:09:50,375 --> 00:09:52,750
Not necessarily in that order.
186
00:09:52,833 --> 00:09:54,333
The truth is,
187
00:09:54,416 --> 00:09:57,375
I really want it
to be special the first time.
188
00:09:57,458 --> 00:10:00,250
I'm sure that it will be special.
189
00:10:00,666 --> 00:10:01,750
Um...
190
00:10:02,291 --> 00:10:05,416
I'm sure it will be special, because--
191
00:10:05,833 --> 00:10:07,458
Is Ray there?
192
00:10:08,166 --> 00:10:11,958
No, Samantha, I'm listening. I...
Oh, God. I'm listening.
193
00:10:13,708 --> 00:10:16,208
(Carrie)
I thought about what Samantha said.
194
00:10:16,291 --> 00:10:19,708
She wasn't having sex because she
wanted to have a relationship,
195
00:10:19,791 --> 00:10:23,833
and I was having mind-blowing sex
hoping to turn it into a relationship.
196
00:10:23,916 --> 00:10:25,208
So there you have it.
197
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:27,416
We've got a relationship without sex,
198
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:29,333
and sex without a relationship.
199
00:10:29,416 --> 00:10:31,625
Which had a better shot at survival?
200
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,625
I couldn't help but wonder,
201
00:10:33,708 --> 00:10:36,083
what comes first,
the chicken or the sex?
202
00:10:37,291 --> 00:10:40,458
That night I decided
to really talk to Ray.
203
00:10:40,541 --> 00:10:43,833
I figured we needed
to catch the relationship up to the sex.
204
00:10:44,291 --> 00:10:46,041
Well, that was the plan.
205
00:10:46,750 --> 00:10:49,791
Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait.
206
00:10:50,208 --> 00:10:53,500
I asked you a question.
Where did you go to school?
207
00:10:54,291 --> 00:10:55,375
All over.
208
00:10:55,458 --> 00:10:56,708
(Carrie laughs)
209
00:10:56,791 --> 00:10:57,875
Oh.
210
00:10:57,958 --> 00:11:00,833
Freckles on the legs,
nothing wrong with that.
211
00:11:01,375 --> 00:11:03,916
(Carrie)
It was my best relationship ever.
212
00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:05,000
(Carrie screams)
213
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:08,583
Meanwhile, over at Casa de Lesbo...
214
00:11:08,666 --> 00:11:10,500
(Samantha) That coq au vin was amazing.
215
00:11:11,333 --> 00:11:14,833
You can paint,
you can cook, you can do everything.
216
00:11:19,375 --> 00:11:20,375
But...
217
00:11:20,875 --> 00:11:24,875
you brought the most incredible dessert.
218
00:11:26,416 --> 00:11:27,791
Want a bite?
219
00:11:33,083 --> 00:11:36,000
(Carrie)
if she was going to be gay,
220
00:11:36,083 --> 00:11:38,041
she'd be gay all the way.
221
00:11:39,583 --> 00:11:40,750
(Samantha) Mm.
222
00:11:44,166 --> 00:11:46,375
I might not be much in the kitchen,
223
00:11:47,291 --> 00:11:49,958
but I'm more than enough in the bedroom.
224
00:11:54,833 --> 00:11:57,583
(Samantha moaning)
225
00:12:01,583 --> 00:12:03,291
Oh, baby.
226
00:12:03,375 --> 00:12:04,833
(Maria) Samantha.
227
00:12:06,375 --> 00:12:08,875
It's not really working for me.
228
00:12:09,958 --> 00:12:13,791
(Carrie)
Samantha had never heard in bed before.
229
00:12:14,250 --> 00:12:17,791
Honey, I've never gotten any complaints
from the men.
230
00:12:17,875 --> 00:12:19,208
(chuckles)
231
00:12:19,291 --> 00:12:22,125
Well, men.
232
00:12:23,833 --> 00:12:27,500
I want you to look at me.
233
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,375
Connect with me.
234
00:12:33,333 --> 00:12:35,875
This is lovemaking.
235
00:12:36,208 --> 00:12:38,166
It's not a porno flick.
236
00:12:39,291 --> 00:12:42,416
I want to show you. I'm gonna lay down.
237
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:44,958
And I want you to look at my
238
00:12:46,916 --> 00:12:49,625
It's a Portuguese word for "pussy."
239
00:12:58,458 --> 00:13:01,500
(Carrie)
still off sex and on chocolate,
240
00:13:01,583 --> 00:13:04,958
couldn't bring herself to order
the seven éclairs she really wanted.
241
00:13:05,041 --> 00:13:06,875
So she asked for just one.
242
00:13:06,958 --> 00:13:09,625
One cake, please.
243
00:13:10,250 --> 00:13:13,041
-Which do you recommend?
-I'd go with the Louvre.
244
00:13:13,125 --> 00:13:15,750
Monsieur Payard's
signature chocolate cake.
245
00:13:15,833 --> 00:13:18,166
Wow. Sold.
246
00:13:18,625 --> 00:13:20,833
Okay, that'll be $74.50.
247
00:13:20,916 --> 00:13:23,416
As in 74 dollars and 50 cents?
248
00:13:23,875 --> 00:13:24,958
Yes.
249
00:13:25,041 --> 00:13:27,958
(Carrie)
she didn't need a cake that badly,
250
00:13:31,083 --> 00:13:34,375
especially when she could make one
for under $5.
251
00:13:35,250 --> 00:13:38,291
Every once in a while,
a girl has to indulge herself.
252
00:13:39,375 --> 00:13:40,625
(Carrie laughing)
253
00:13:46,166 --> 00:13:47,416
Oh!
254
00:13:48,666 --> 00:13:49,708
Oh.
255
00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:54,750
Mm.
256
00:13:57,166 --> 00:13:58,375
Oh.
257
00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:02,375
(Trey grunting)
258
00:14:02,458 --> 00:14:04,416
-I'm on the mallard!
-Huh?
259
00:14:04,500 --> 00:14:05,708
Sorry.
260
00:14:15,833 --> 00:14:18,083
(Carrie laughing)
261
00:14:56,291 --> 00:14:58,416
He still hasn't asked me
to move back in.
262
00:14:58,500 --> 00:15:01,166
We make love all over the apartment.
In the morning,
263
00:15:01,250 --> 00:15:04,250
I get in a cab and go home
like a Park Avenue hooker!
264
00:15:04,333 --> 00:15:06,416
-Can't you bring it up?
-No!
265
00:15:06,500 --> 00:15:09,625
We finally got the penis working,
I don't want to scare it.
266
00:15:09,708 --> 00:15:11,916
Why can't I have the relationship
and the sex?
267
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,041
-Why is it one or the other?
-You got me.
268
00:15:14,125 --> 00:15:16,833
I wanna order.
Where's the lesbian du jour?
269
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,375
Oh, listen, you guys,
when she gets here,
270
00:15:19,458 --> 00:15:21,625
we have to talk about her relationship.
271
00:15:21,708 --> 00:15:24,083
She was mad
we didn't take it seriously last time.
272
00:15:24,166 --> 00:15:27,833
Please. She isn't having a relationship,
she's just doing this to bug us.
273
00:15:27,916 --> 00:15:30,708
I don't know.
They haven't even had sex yet.
274
00:15:31,458 --> 00:15:33,958
She said she wants it to be special.
275
00:15:34,041 --> 00:15:35,250
-Really?
-Yeah.
276
00:15:36,250 --> 00:15:38,666
Well, then we should be supportive.
277
00:15:38,750 --> 00:15:41,000
This is the healthiest thing
she's done in ages.
278
00:15:41,083 --> 00:15:43,541
Does anybody want to split
the chocolate pudding?
279
00:15:44,416 --> 00:15:45,833
Morning, ladies.
280
00:15:45,916 --> 00:15:47,666
-Morning.
-Hi!
281
00:15:50,833 --> 00:15:54,000
Tell us about your relationship.
How is everything going with Maria?
282
00:15:54,458 --> 00:15:58,875
Well, did you know
that when a vagina gets engorged,
283
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,083
it expands to the size of a fist?
284
00:16:01,166 --> 00:16:03,208
It's like a fabulous cave.
285
00:16:03,291 --> 00:16:04,708
I guess they've had sex.
286
00:16:04,791 --> 00:16:07,833
-Apparently so.
-And we have three holes down there.
287
00:16:07,916 --> 00:16:10,291
Okay, stop talking
about your relationship.
288
00:16:10,375 --> 00:16:13,583
But it's fascinating!
There are places a dick just can't go.
289
00:16:13,666 --> 00:16:16,041
Some dicks manage just fine.
290
00:16:16,125 --> 00:16:18,333
Please, Maria has ten dicks.
291
00:16:18,708 --> 00:16:20,750
For the record, you started this.
292
00:16:21,458 --> 00:16:22,875
I am sorry,
293
00:16:22,958 --> 00:16:26,333
but a finger is not a dick.
294
00:16:26,416 --> 00:16:28,708
A finger is more like a third of a dick.
295
00:16:28,791 --> 00:16:31,666
So technically,
Maria only has three and a third dicks.
296
00:16:31,750 --> 00:16:34,416
I can tell you right now, this...
297
00:16:36,083 --> 00:16:38,583
is not the same as this.
298
00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:40,708
Okay, put that away.
299
00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:44,166
I'm just saying,
size has nothing to do with it.
300
00:16:44,583 --> 00:16:46,458
What's happening to you?
301
00:16:46,541 --> 00:16:48,666
I'm getting an education.
302
00:16:48,750 --> 00:16:51,416
Not only do I now know everything
there is to know
303
00:16:51,500 --> 00:16:53,458
about the glorious
304
00:16:53,541 --> 00:16:55,250
That's Portuguese for "pussy."
305
00:16:55,333 --> 00:16:57,958
"Boceta,
let's call the whole thing off."
306
00:16:58,041 --> 00:16:59,875
(Samantha) The most important thing,
307
00:16:59,958 --> 00:17:03,791
is that Maria has taught me
how to connect during sex.
308
00:17:03,875 --> 00:17:05,833
It's not just some animal act.
309
00:17:07,041 --> 00:17:10,208
It's about two people making love.
310
00:17:11,666 --> 00:17:13,041
Yeah.
311
00:17:14,791 --> 00:17:16,416
Yeah.
312
00:17:17,666 --> 00:17:18,833
(knocking on door)
313
00:17:19,541 --> 00:17:20,916
-Hey.
-Hi.
314
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:23,875
I couldn't pick a shirt.
Red, blue, I didn't know.
315
00:17:23,958 --> 00:17:26,000
Come on in, I'm making margaritas.
316
00:17:26,375 --> 00:17:28,958
Hey. Look what I bought today.
317
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:33,625
-My first jazz CD.
-No.
318
00:17:35,041 --> 00:17:37,500
No. You gotta hear that on vinyl.
319
00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:41,083
Wait, Ray.
320
00:17:41,541 --> 00:17:42,958
Ray, Ray.
321
00:17:43,041 --> 00:17:46,666
Ray! Stop. Don't play anything.
322
00:17:46,750 --> 00:17:50,541
Don't scat, don't chop, don't blend.
323
00:17:50,625 --> 00:17:51,708
Could we...
324
00:17:51,791 --> 00:17:54,166
Could we just sit and talk for a while?
325
00:17:54,250 --> 00:17:57,666
Oh, the "gotta talk" girl, gotta talk.
326
00:17:57,750 --> 00:18:00,083
"What are you thinking?
Where is this going?"
327
00:18:00,166 --> 00:18:02,333
I'm not that girl.
328
00:18:02,416 --> 00:18:04,958
I'm not any girl, I just want to talk.
329
00:18:06,458 --> 00:18:08,000
You know, talk.
330
00:18:08,958 --> 00:18:11,416
Like, where are you from?
331
00:18:11,500 --> 00:18:13,541
You said something about
the Jersey Shore.
332
00:18:13,625 --> 00:18:15,833
I spent a couple summers there.
333
00:18:16,625 --> 00:18:17,833
Worked on the boardwalk.
334
00:18:17,916 --> 00:18:19,875
There was a skeet shooting place
I went to.
335
00:18:19,958 --> 00:18:22,666
-On the Jersey Shore?
-Upstate New York, college.
336
00:18:22,750 --> 00:18:24,333
And, pull!
337
00:18:24,750 --> 00:18:27,791
Man, why no skeet in the city?
I love the skeet.
338
00:18:27,875 --> 00:18:30,583
I should open one in New York.
Maybe sell a club.
339
00:18:30,666 --> 00:18:33,208
When was the last time
you had canned corn?
340
00:18:33,291 --> 00:18:35,625
That sounds good right now. You hungry?
341
00:18:35,708 --> 00:18:38,166
-No, because remember I met--
-(blender whirring)
342
00:18:38,250 --> 00:18:41,666
I had a pot pie in Vegas once,
loaded with corn...
343
00:18:41,750 --> 00:18:42,916
(Carrie)
344
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:46,750
I realized he wasn't spontaneous
and unpredictable and thrilling.
345
00:18:46,833 --> 00:18:48,208
This is the old downtown...
346
00:18:48,291 --> 00:18:50,875
(Carrie)
347
00:18:50,958 --> 00:18:52,041
(Ray) My mom used to drink...
348
00:18:52,125 --> 00:18:53,625
(Carrie)
could I have
349
00:18:53,708 --> 00:18:55,708
with a guy I couldn't even talk to?
350
00:18:55,791 --> 00:18:56,875
Flaky crust.
351
00:18:57,208 --> 00:18:58,625
(Carrie)
352
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,625
You like pies?
353
00:19:02,333 --> 00:19:03,333
Ray?
354
00:19:04,916 --> 00:19:06,333
Wanna play me?
355
00:19:07,041 --> 00:19:08,500
Yeah.
356
00:19:08,583 --> 00:19:09,708
(Carrie)
357
00:19:09,791 --> 00:19:10,791
(Ray chuckles)
358
00:19:16,500 --> 00:19:18,291
Meanwhile, uptown...
359
00:19:19,250 --> 00:19:20,333
I was thinking.
360
00:19:20,416 --> 00:19:23,250
Charlotte gave Trey one more chance
to ask her to move in.
361
00:19:23,333 --> 00:19:25,875
Ah, I'm just gonna say it. Ahem.
362
00:19:27,208 --> 00:19:28,875
Next time I'm hard,
363
00:19:28,958 --> 00:19:31,791
would you consider
measuring my John Thomas?
364
00:19:32,458 --> 00:19:34,541
What? No!
365
00:19:35,375 --> 00:19:37,500
I understand, it's juvenile, I know.
366
00:19:37,583 --> 00:19:40,125
But I've just never seen it like this.
367
00:19:42,166 --> 00:19:44,000
I'm taking a shower.
368
00:19:45,458 --> 00:19:48,875
(Carrie)
who cared much about penises
369
00:19:48,958 --> 00:19:51,541
and now a penis was running her life.
370
00:19:54,875 --> 00:19:56,166
Forget it.
371
00:20:03,041 --> 00:20:04,750
(Carrie)
372
00:20:04,833 --> 00:20:07,083
she really started to get lathered up.
373
00:20:08,041 --> 00:20:09,875
Who did he think he was?
374
00:20:10,250 --> 00:20:12,791
He was her husband,
and she was his wife.
375
00:20:12,875 --> 00:20:16,250
What the hell was going on
in this Upper East Side nightmare?
376
00:20:18,250 --> 00:20:19,916
-Trey!
-Oh.
377
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,958
I'm tired of being married
to your penis!
378
00:20:23,041 --> 00:20:24,541
I am a person.
379
00:20:24,625 --> 00:20:26,625
This is supposed to be a relationship!
380
00:20:26,708 --> 00:20:28,666
And I am done walking on eggshells!
381
00:20:28,750 --> 00:20:32,000
"Ooh, don't talk about moving in
in front of the penis
382
00:20:32,083 --> 00:20:33,708
because it might go soft."
383
00:20:33,791 --> 00:20:36,583
"The penis likes this,"
and "The penis doesn't like that!"
384
00:20:36,666 --> 00:20:39,083
And "The penis wants to be measured!"
385
00:20:39,166 --> 00:20:41,541
-It was just a thought.
-Here's another thought!
386
00:20:41,625 --> 00:20:44,000
You can shove this marriage up your ass!
387
00:20:44,083 --> 00:20:45,250
Don't go.
388
00:20:45,333 --> 00:20:49,208
I'm going home to my own apartment,
where I have a lease.
389
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:53,291
I hope that you and your penis
have a very lovely night!
390
00:21:05,083 --> 00:21:07,958
(Carrie)
was getting fed up as well...
391
00:21:08,041 --> 00:21:09,291
with herself.
392
00:21:36,750 --> 00:21:39,083
(Carrie on voicemail)
Hi, it's me, leave a message.
393
00:21:39,166 --> 00:21:40,875
I know you're probably busy
394
00:21:40,958 --> 00:21:43,291
having mind-blowing sex right now,
395
00:21:43,375 --> 00:21:47,333
but I feel that you need to know,
your good friend Miranda Hobbes
396
00:21:47,416 --> 00:21:50,291
has just taken a piece of cake
out of the garbage
397
00:21:50,375 --> 00:21:51,666
and eaten it.
398
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:54,083
You'll probably need this information
399
00:21:54,166 --> 00:21:57,041
when you check me
in to the Betty Crocker Clinic.
400
00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:15,583
(Carrie)
401
00:22:15,666 --> 00:22:19,125
she'd been using chocolate
as a substitute for sex,
402
00:22:19,208 --> 00:22:21,833
and now she needed
a substitute for chocolate.
403
00:22:29,333 --> 00:22:31,333
The strike was officially over.
404
00:22:31,416 --> 00:22:33,333
(buzzing)
405
00:22:34,375 --> 00:22:35,875
(Maria) That's perfect!
406
00:22:35,958 --> 00:22:37,416
(Carrie)
407
00:22:37,500 --> 00:22:39,916
everything there was to know
about women...
408
00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:41,083
(Maria grunts)
409
00:22:42,625 --> 00:22:45,541
...Samantha caused the very elusive
410
00:22:45,625 --> 00:22:47,291
female ejaculation.
411
00:22:47,375 --> 00:22:48,666
Was that good or bad?
412
00:22:48,750 --> 00:22:52,000
That was very good.
413
00:22:52,750 --> 00:22:55,750
(Carrie)
and the sex.
414
00:22:56,500 --> 00:22:59,583
In fact, a little more sex
than she'd expected.
415
00:23:02,500 --> 00:23:03,916
I want some water.
416
00:23:04,333 --> 00:23:05,833
You want some water?
417
00:23:07,583 --> 00:23:08,625
Be right back.
418
00:23:08,708 --> 00:23:10,833
(Carrie)
I woke up with a new thought.
419
00:23:10,916 --> 00:23:12,833
Maybe Ray was like jazz.
420
00:23:12,916 --> 00:23:16,500
Instead of trying to make him be
something else, I needed to let go,
421
00:23:16,583 --> 00:23:18,541
and appreciate him for what he was.
422
00:23:18,916 --> 00:23:21,125
Truly mind-blowing sex.
423
00:23:21,666 --> 00:23:23,250
(laughs)
424
00:23:23,333 --> 00:23:25,958
(banjo playing)
425
00:23:36,708 --> 00:23:37,916
Ray?
426
00:23:44,125 --> 00:23:45,791
But unfortunately,
427
00:23:45,875 --> 00:23:48,583
I got the feeling
Ray had stopped playing me,
428
00:23:48,666 --> 00:23:51,041
and moved on to another instrument.
429
00:24:01,083 --> 00:24:02,583
Morning, ma'am.
430
00:24:03,041 --> 00:24:04,166
Morning.
431
00:24:06,291 --> 00:24:08,333
You, uh, left something at my...
432
00:24:10,791 --> 00:24:13,208
-At the apartment.
-Oh.
433
00:24:16,958 --> 00:24:19,958
I want you to move back in,
434
00:24:20,500 --> 00:24:22,625
and get rid of this old apartment.
435
00:24:23,333 --> 00:24:25,833
And stay all night, every night.
436
00:24:26,375 --> 00:24:29,291
And wake up next to me every morning
and be my wife.
437
00:24:31,708 --> 00:24:33,500
-You do?
-Yeah.
438
00:24:35,583 --> 00:24:38,375
I talked it over with my penis
and we both agree.
439
00:24:40,791 --> 00:24:42,833
I don't want to lose you again.
440
00:24:45,000 --> 00:24:47,833
Charlotte York MacDougal,
441
00:24:49,125 --> 00:24:50,791
will you remarry me?
442
00:24:51,583 --> 00:24:53,291
Yes, Trey MacDougal,
443
00:24:54,166 --> 00:24:55,666
I will remarry you.
444
00:25:15,583 --> 00:25:17,750
(saxophone playing)
445
00:25:19,583 --> 00:25:23,083
(Carrie)
"another dating disaster,"
446
00:25:23,166 --> 00:25:26,666
I worried that there's a reason
they call it "mind-blowing" sex.
447
00:25:26,750 --> 00:25:28,875
Maybe that kind of physical connection
448
00:25:28,958 --> 00:25:31,541
obliterates the chance
of an intellectual one.
449
00:25:31,625 --> 00:25:34,750
Or maybe it's possible to find both.
450
00:25:35,291 --> 00:25:39,000
That's what I was hoping,
because great sex is great,
451
00:25:39,083 --> 00:25:42,333
but I still like a song
with a melody I can sing to.
452
00:25:54,125 --> 00:25:56,125
(theme music playing)
32243
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