Original subtitles

Downloaded from YTS.MX

Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX

[MUDDY FOOTSTEPS] [GENTLE WAVES LAPPING]

KIERAN: Hurry up!

SAM: It's just hard, innit!

KIERAN: It's supposed to be, mate.

What time is it anyway?

SAM: No. You know what I mean.

Girls!

Going up. Saying something.

It's embarrassing.

KIERAN: Leave it to me.

I'll sort you out with a woman.

SAM: Fuck off! I'm not stirring your custard.

Nah, you know what?

I wanna meet someone a bit different.

I wanna meet someone with half a brain for once.

KIERAN: What, round here?

Sam, this is slag town.

[SAM LAUGHS]

Ew! My foots just gone in. Man, that's weird.

KIERAN: You're all right. It's just a bit of sinkin' sand.

SAM: What?

Like quicksand?

Serious?

What, can it kill ya?

KIERAN: Not at the moment. It's too early.

Here. Grab that.

SAM: I fuckin' hate these.

KIERAN: Ragworms!

They're prehistoric.

We've only got an hour before the tide turns.

Well, what 'appens then?

Don't worry about it.

What d'ya mean, don't worry about it?

Of course I'm gonna worry about it.

Oh!

I'm freezin', man!

Can we go? What time is it?

It's half 4:00.

Half 3:00?

No, it's about half 4:00.

You serious?

Yeah, why? What's up?

Fuck! What?

Run, man!

Kieran, don't... Fucking come!

Don't leave... Don't be a bell end, it's not funny!

Kieran!

Ah, shit!

Fuckin' shit!

[GENTLE WAVES LAPPING]

'Ere he is!

Wasn't funny, Kieran.

I could have died! You left me out there, you dick!

Cheer up, virgin.

I'm not a virgin.

And Sara Charrington doesn't count!

'Course it does.

She said you got a little bit too excited and...

Fuckin' hell!

Who else have you told about that?

'Ere.

Party pack.

What for?

To party!

Whoo! [FIREWORKS STREAKING]

Come on!

[CROWD CHEERING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYS IN DISTANCE]

Hello.

Leave me alone. Kieran's over there.

MOONY: And?

And go back to your boyfriend.

Want some cider?

I've got one.

You know, I love it when you can see the stars.

You know,

Kieran said

you might need a little bit of help with girls.

I mean,

that Sara Charrington thing, it is fine! What?

Oh, fuckin' hell!

It's fine!

It's normal.

It's normal!

[LAUGHS]

You all right?

Where've you been?

Nowhere.

Where's nowhere?

Where's Sam?

Where you goin'?

Business!

Where you goin'?

Good work, Captain!

Ah, bollocks!

I need a suit.

Jesus! A suit's not gonna get you spuds deep.

You're not James Bond.

Nah. I've got that funeral in Newport.

Like, you're meant to wear black but I've got no black shoes.

Though I've got trainers.

See, they buy 'em.

What? Ragworms.

Who? Albanians.

When they're not stealing swans. [LAUGHS]

SAM: So how d'ya know where they live then, man?

We just knock on doors.

Normal people don't live here.

Just gypos and refugees. [BOTH LAUGH]

Go on then, knock. You're knockin' on this one.

I told you, I'll go home if you get caught.

Excuse me...

Are you Albanian?

'Cause we've got worms.

[BOTH LAUGH] You've got worms?

Yeah!

SAM: These... These are prehistorical these.

Lori!

Who? Stop laughing. [BOTH LAUGH]

SAM: Oh!

Hello! Um...

We're lookin' for Albanians. [LAUGHS]

What's in the bucket?

KIERAN: These!

[LAUGHS] Pikey bitch!

I am so sorry about 'im. He's just a bit...

Fuck off!

You tit!

[SEAGULLS CAWING]

I still need a suit.

Job interview?

Only jobs round 'ere, mate, are at Pirate World.

Don't get a job at Pirate World.

[IN PIRATE ACCENT] It's too 'ard!

What do you see in it, man? Fishin'?

Will you shut up!

You're frightening the fish!

You're jokin'. Fish can't hear. They've got no ears.

They can sense vibrations.

Bollocks!

At least they're not stupid like you.

You know what?

A fish sees a nice worm

wiggling about and it thinks,

"I tell you what, I'll have that for my dinner."

So he goes for it

and gets a big fuckin' hook through its head.

Next thing you know, they're in a completely new universe

that they didn't know existed,

a big fuckin' monster's got 'old of 'im and he can't see,

they can't breathe and they freak out

because they know they're gonna die.

And then, all of a sudden, they're thrown back into their old world again.

But they're traumatized to fuck

with a big bastard hole in their head.

Next day, they see a nice worm wiggling about and they think,

"I tell you what, I'll have that for my dinner."

That is fuckin' stupid, Kieran!

Say fish aren't stupid! You what?

Fuckin' say it! Fuck off!

Say it,

or I'll kill ya. Fuck, man!

Fish aren't stupid. Jesus!

[LAUGHS]

Now it's a good job I'm your mate.

Because I could have kicked your head in then.

SAM: But I'm a pacifist.

I don't fight. It's basically Neanderthal.

No, you're a dick!

At least I can spell my own fuckin' name!

[GASPS]

[LAUGHS]

KIERAN: Chill out, you bell end!

ROSE: It's about this cup of tea. This sugar.

This spoon.

Right now. Forget the past!

Take Atlantis...

Atlantis?

A great civilization, sunk in just one day.

One day you're Vegas,

the next you're Atlantis.

On the bottom of the sea.

SAM: I just think you're out of order.

ROSE: I was in Vegas for nearly two years, end of the '70s.

It's your own fault for being a bleedin' fascist,

or whatever it is you are.

I'm a pacifist, you daft twat.

ROSE: That was until...

KIERAN: Where you goin'? The incident.

We had to flee for the border. [BOTH LAUGH]

Look, I'm sorry about my mate. He's a knob!

Fuck off, worm boy!

SAM: What?

Pikeys? SAM: Oh, no, no, no, no. That's...

That's 'im, he just says stuff.

So if you're friend's such a knob,

why do you hang around with him?

Just... We're mates. He's like my best mate.

Are you blood brothers?

SAM: No!

Gay boys? No.

Yeah, well, thanks for that. Now, if you don't mind.

Right. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, cool! See ya!

So, what she say?

I had a brother.

Lawrence.

What happened to him?

He's with God.

Dead?

ROSE: Oh, no!

He found God and we fell out.

[BOTH LAUGH]

She thinks we're gay.

KIERAN: You are gay.

Fuck off.

Right!

Whatever you do,

don't tell her you're a virgin.Shut it, you!

SAM: Look, um,

just want chat to you about somethin'

if you wanna come sit with us.

[WHISPERS] Okay, then.

Yeah, so we...

We basically just wanted to apologize and say,

like, welcome to the town.

I've lived here for three years.

[CHUCKLES] SAM: Oh.

And who made you the mayor?

MOONY: Hello, Kieran. Sam.

Hiya.

All-day breakfast.

Well, we shut in five.

Well, I suggest you make it quick then.

What, like you? Shut up.

Told you he was a knob.

She's like a dog,

following me around everywhere.

I'm irresistible.

[LAUGHS]

It's a curse.

[BOTH LAUGH]

SAM: So, what kind of website is it, Rose?

ROSE: It's a very discrete organization.

LORI: Is that your brother?

No, it's my man friend.

Rose, are you Internet dating?

Yeah! Filthy, isn't it?

[BOTH LAUGH]

SAM: Where's that fish gone?

Up my arse!

[LAUGHS]

Oh, shit, what's the time?

'Bout half 7:00.

Oh. I've gotta go. See ya.

SAM: Um, yeah. We'll... We'll see ya around then?

Yeah. When?

What?

Well, we'll, you know... See you around!

I'm around.

As are we.

What?

Did you just say, "As are we"?

No.

That is the most pathetic

display of human behavior I have ever witnessed.

Seriously.

Go over there and give your head a wobble.

Hey!

She blew me a kiss, man!

That was aimed at me!

You? What the fuck would she see in you?

KIERAN: Experience, mate.

Practical fuckin' experience.

Hey, Rose?

Charming personality.

Punctual.

Considerate.

And firm in all the right places!

Yeah? Nah!

Check this.

And?

KIERAN: I used to have a budgie.

Didn't speak though.

Just used to fly about the house smashing into everything.

Proper funny.

So, this Lori bird.

Gonna fuck her then?

It's not like that, mate. She's quality.

You wanna watch that one.

Trust me.

Fuck off.

Kieran.Shh.

Listen.

What?

Nothin'!

Can't you 'ear it?

Silence.

SAM: You love it 'ere, don't ya?

Clears your head, doesn't it?

You know, my dad.

He used to say that if you swam past the horizon,

you'd find sea monsters and shit.

Have you been to see him?

Nah, they moved him again.

Fuck him, anyway!

SAM: Kieran.

What?

Have you ever caught anything?

What? 'Ere?

Yeah.

Here?

Yeah.

On this side?

Either side.

No.

Not really.

Ay up!

Yoko's back!

SAM: Funeral on Thursday.

His gay AIDS lover died.

I thought that was you? Ha.

My uncle died, actually.

My uncle's got a boat.

Can we go on it?

No.

What about my suit problem?

Charity shop.

I've got no money. All property's theft.

Oh, that's right.

Don't mind me. I've got things to do!

You go and get your suit that old men have pissed and died in!

LORI: Oh, what you doing? Oh, no. Please.

You're such a... Shut the fuck up! I don't want you to...

SIMPLE DAVE: Oi, she's nickin' that suit!

Whoa! Come on!

SIMPLE DAVE: You've still got the suit on.

SAM: Lori! Whoa!

Oi!

SAM: Lori! Go on, Lori. Stop, don't be daft.

Lori! Dave!

That is a church mate. Sanctuary!

SIMPLE DAVE: Yeah, but she's a thief!

God judges, Dave, not us.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Kiss me.What?

Kiss me!

[LAUGHS]

Yeah, so Simple Dave was going to go in after her, yeah,

so I said, "Listen, Dave, you can't go in there."

So Simple Dave... Stop calling him that.

Well, he started it.

KIERAN: Yeah, at school.

All right then. Disabled Dave.

Disabled Dave?

[LAUGHS]

Yeah, my uncle called.

About the boat.

KIERAN: What? A... A fishing boat?

Serious?

With a net?

SAM: So anyway, we go in the church...

Well? Can we go on it?

That's the idea.

KIERAN: Proper sea fishing?

Yeah, so we goes in the church, yeah, and she kissed me!

What, you lunged? Nah, nah.

She lunged. She kissed me. How good's that?

No, dickhead.

That means she's in control.

And it means you're fucked.

[LAUGHING]

LORI: Ah! [KIERAN LAUGHING]

There used to be tuna in here, you know.

Tunnys, they called them.

As big and as fast as a Ferrari.

Serious!

You okay?

[RETCHING]

It's beautiful out here.

KIERAN: We're gonna need a bigger boat!

Bet it's freezing down there.

[WAVES LAPPING]

Ah.

[LAUGHING AND CLAPPING] Tosser!

[LAUGHS]

KIERAN: Look, kids,

it's pikey world.

We used to have a massive house in Bristol.

With apple trees and...

What happened?

I'm gettin' off, you know.

SAM: Whoa! Where you goin?

Man of mystery, me.

Bye, Kieran.

Oh! Watch your back.

Hey. [LORI LAUGHS]

[SCREAMS] [LAUGHS]

Get off me!

Babe!

What?

I was wonderin'...

Fancy going for a meal tonight or something?

Nah.

Not into all that bollocks.

She got pregnant.

Ran off with the baby and then shacked up

with a succession of stupid and useless men.

My dad was Romany, apparently, which is fine.

But he was Aries, which isn't.

She's into star charts and all that.

Everything is destiny.

SAM: What's up?

You can't come in.

Oh.

See you around.

[WAVES LAPPING]

I think about London.

London?

Catering college.

[LAUGHS]

But...

You do a job where you cook.

Why do you need to learn to cook?

Oh, yeah! I never thought about it like that.

Fuck you, Kieran.

Moony!

Come on. You serious?

You?

College? Yeah.

Just don't fuck things up. We've got it good.

Got it sorted, me and you.

Yeah?

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

"We are the Dead.

"Short days ago We lived,

"felt dawn, saw sunset glow,

"Loved and were loved,

"and now we lie In Flanders fields."

It's tragic.

Totally.

War, I mean.

I'm completely against it.

I don't even fight!

But what if it's for a just cause?

Well, I'm definitely up for it.

Sorry, I just... I thought...

After the church. I'm not into it.

Do you mean me?

Don't know, it's complicated.

KIERAN: Lesbian?

No.Frigid?

I don't know, man.Die, man! Fuckin' hell!

She fancies me.

Whoa, whoa! She's shy, not blind, mate!

She fuckin' hates me.

Good.

What do you mean, good?

Hate's good!

She hates ya because she really likes ya.

So... So she likes me then?

Nah, she probably doesn't like you.

She's a woman. Very complex.

Trust me.

I've had 23 fucks this year.

Pass me a 50p.

Shit, man, it's late. I'm gonna go, you know.

Fuck off! Where you goin'?

Nowhere, man. It's just stuff, innit?

Well, give me a 50p.

Look. I'm going to the art gallery with Lori

and you're not comin' 'cause you're fucking stoned

and you're doin' my head in!

Oh, that's right. Fuck off then!

Yo! Have you seen Lori anywhere?

Lori? Er, short dark hair. Good lookin'.

Ah! Was she with her gran?

SAM: No. You don't mean Rose?

Yeah. Yeah.

What?

What?

[LAUGHS]

Um, she left about five minutes ago.

Cheers.

Hey, do you know you've got flour on your face?

Have I?

Yeah. Just a little bit on your nose.

I like him.

[TEACUPS RATTLING]

ROSE: I've got it all planned.

Sunny day.

Early morning.

I walk up to the cliff edge.

Step off

over the edge.

[SIGHS] Glorious!

Could you really do something like that?

It's my life. I do things my way.

It upsets some people,

but I decide when I go.

Right. Your lad's here.

Hello. Sorry I'm late.

Hiya, Rose.

Don't worry,

I'm leavin'.

I have a secret liaison.

Au revoir!

He's a cool little dude, isn't he?

Reminds me of Henry Moore.

Who?

Sculptor.

Genius.

You'd have to be, wouldn't you, with a face like that.

[LAUGHS]

Well?

Well, she's quite hairy!

I mean, I think she could do with a bit of a prune.

LORI: She's natural.

SAM: Yeah, but she could definitely do with a trim downstairs.

I mean, I like my art to be... Shaved?

[LAUGHS] Boys!

Oh, you only like digital computery technological things.

Well, me and Kieran did this IT course,

which he ends up getting thrown off actually

because he's got a problem with...

[LAUGHS]

Don't tell him. I won't!

LORI: Yeah, but what is shit?

Like, the opposite of good.

It's either good or it's shit.

Like this, look. This is good.

End of.

Stop talking shit.

I'm all right with this, you know.

Taking it slow.

Taking what slow?

Sam, we're not even moving.

I like you, okay.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, just don't! What?

Push.

Okay, I'll pull. [LAUGHS]

But not too hard.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Have you got a tie yet?

What for?

The funeral tomorrow.

Shit, yeah. Um...

It's black, 100% polyester.

You make me dead happy, you know.

You're pushing.

Yeah, 'course I don't know why. I don't even like ya. Hmm.

Can we not give a fuck about each other?

Yeah! That's what I've always wanted.

[LAUGHS] Good.

Good.Hmm, yeah, that's good.

Good. Mmm-hmm.

Good. [LAUGHS]

[CHAIRS CLANGING]

You know that magician?

You know the one.

He sat in a glass box for a week.

Just shows you, doesn't it, like,

you gotta think outside the box.

Or even inside the box.

[BOTH LAUGH]

I love it when you talk shit. [LAUGHS]

Maybe we could do something like that.

You know, have a business or something like that.

In the future.

What?

Sitting in boxes?

No! [BOTH LAUGH]

Like have a cafe or something.

You know, I could cook

seafood and you could catch it.

You know, just...

Something different together.

Moony,

you know we're not together.

I'm not your boyfriend, yeah?

What?

What?

For fuck's sake Moony, what's up?

Look at me.

KIERAN: Hurry up! [CHUCKLES]

LORI: He's coming. [CHUCKLES]

What? You look like an undertaker.

With AIDS. [LAUGHS]

I'm late for the train. Go away.

Oh, busy man. Places to go, people to see, hey?

Obviously on your way to a really important business meeting.

Don't forget your laptop, Mr. Suit. [BOTH LAUGH]

Yeah, funny that.

LORI: Remember. Buy, sell, buy!

It's a fuckin' funeral!

The dead don't care!

He looks dead cute.

He looks dead. [LAUGHS]

Keep movin' or they'll think you're the corpse.

[KIERAN LAUGHS]

KIERAN: So...

Do you wanna chill out for a bit or...

With you?

Yeah.

[CLEARS THROAT]

Um! Look! Okay!

Get some fizzy drink.

Dave! How you doing?

David. Vodka please.

LORI: Very sorry.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Yeah! Whoo! [LAUGHS]

Total Frisbee?

No.

Normal Frisbee? LORI: [CHUCKLES] No.

Why?

Dull!

Talk to me! Tell me something I don't know.

Hmm. Don't know.

Sam thinks he loves ya.

And you feel left out?

Fuck off!

Come, Mr. Pirate.

Take me somewhere good.

Or else?

I'll kill myself. [LAUGHS]

Aarrr, Jim Lad.

[LAUGHS] Do it again.

Aarrr, Jim Lad. [LORI LAUGHS]

Good? [LORI LAUGHS]

Uh, it says here that women

weren't allowed on pirate ships. They brought bad luck.

Very true. Mmm...

Oh, hang on. It says Mary Reed was a pirate.

She wore boys' clothes

and she stole a ship and sailed to Jamaica.

Yes!

KIERAN: Good for Mary!

[LORI LAUGHS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[LORI LAUGHS]

Yes. Go back there! Go back there.

Whoa. Ooh. Aah!

[LORI LAUGHS]

Shh.

I like hiding.

[LAUGHS]

Fuck off!

Oh, we're not pirates anymore.

I am.

You're not a pirate. You're a pussy.

KIERAN: Fuck off!

That was shit!

I want to do something beautiful.

Yeah?

KIERAN: Go on. Pose.

[KIERAN LAUGHS]

Oh, no, no, no. I need to see your face.

No, come back! Don't go down there.

Lori, you're doin' my head in.

Come back, it's stupid.

There's no magic to the Earth being round.

KIERAN: Lori, get off the edge!

Lori, don't go near the edge. Serious!

LORI: If the world was flat, you could just...

KIERAN: Just what?

Step off it.

KIERAN: Lori!

[LAUGHS]

KIERAN: You're tapped, you!

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

There you go.

Mmm.

Very nouvelle cuisine.

Thanks.

You know, I changed the whole menu.

It's traditional but with a twist.

Oh, Christ! What a week.

Look at my hands, how dry and chapped they are. Like some dirty old builder!

ROSE: Man trouble?

I just...

I wish he was more...

Nice?

Sorry.

Men only want one thing.

Sex.

Power.

Fuck 'em!

[CLEARS THROAT]

[PANTING]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

What?

Nowt.

Just the view.

LORI: It's good for the soul, you know.

To see the horizon.

My dad used to say to me that...

When you get to the horizon

there's a rope.

And behind there, there's monsters and shit.

Sailors from trapped galleons.

And when the wind drops and the sea is like glass,

you can hear their screams!

Ahhh! [LAUGHS]

Do you not live with him now? Your dad?

Nah.

Detained at Her Majesty's pleasure.

God, I'm sorry.

Don't be!

He's a complete fuckin' bastard.

But then again, not everyone's perfect, are they?

[BOTH LAUGH]

KIERAN: You and me...

I mean...

I honestly would...

We're not that different, are we?

[LAUGHS]

You and me!

Ha! That's funny, sorry!

[LAUGHING]

[GASPS]

Hello, gorgeous!

You know what you are, don't ya?

A siren?

Luring sailors to their death?

You're a prick tease.

And you're a prick.

What?

You know what.

Go on then.

It was right there.

This is where it happened.

A bodyguard came round to my flat.

He was very smart in a suit and

he whisked me off in a limousine to meet...

[STAMMERS] Well, I can't tell you his name.

It was 1969.

He was married. Very important man.

But...

You see, he could only enjoy it if he was dressed up.

Really?

You weren't supposed to enjoy sex in those days.

Let alone make money out of it.

My mother was ashamed and my brother, Lawrence,

washed his hands of me.

He worked in the city.

I haven't seen him for...

Thirty years!

Find him online. Look him up?

Oh, no. Too much water under the bridge.

If people dislike what you do they can like it or lump it.

I don't do second chances.

That's not very Christian, Rose!

Shut up.

Nice place though.

MOONY: It's lovely.

He's back.

Yeah.

Where's Lori?

Don't know.

It's just, well, both your phones are off.

I left messages for both of ya.

What?

What? Is something up?

Should there be?

I just...

Left loads of messages. Well, I didn't get them.

You haven't seen her then?

How was the...

Mate, don't f...

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Hello!

Been looking everywhere for you.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

I was here.

Funeral was awful.

No one really talking, you know.

Everyone dies.

Have you missed me?

Been busy.

Saw Kieran.

So?

Lori, what's the matter?

What do you mean?

Don't know.

So, been up to anything exciting while I've been away?

No.

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

Not much point, is there?

Just going round and round endlessly.

I don't understand.

Lucky you.

It is a venison steak, tomato salsa,

rocket, sour cream and lime-topped wedges.

I asked for a burger.

Lump it!

Geezer.

Captain.

Ah, they look well nice.

Lori's gone all weird with me, you know.

Women, mate.

You can't live with 'em.

You can't kill 'em and feed them to the pigs.

SAM: I just...

Don't know what I've done wrong.

You said yourself,

she's a weapon.

SAM: Nah, you said that.

Genius.

Don't know what I'm gonna do.Hmm.

Let me think.

Oh, yeah, that's it.

I don't give a flying fuck!

Where you going? Fishin'.

Oi! Gordon Ramsey. Bill!

You are what you eat!

[KIERAN SHOUTS]

Oi! Kieran, calm down, man.

Hi.

Talk to me.

You don't own me.

Lori...

Sorry.

What's got into everyone round 'ere, eh?

Go home, Sam.

No.

Just leave me alone.

But Lori, we... We're nothing.

Sam, don't you understand? It's done.

Don't get it. No, no, no, no, no!

I said that you can sit here on the condition

that you don't talk about... Yeah, but...

Yeah, well, fuck all.

If you want her back that bad then do something about it.

Just don't bleat.

What's the point in this, though? Shut it.

Yeah, we're not gonna catch anything, are we?

Go on, get hold of this.

Go on.

You feel it? Hey?

The tension?

The buzz?

No.

It's like a duel.

You,

and the fish.

It's borin'.

I give up.

Oh! It's doing something, Kieran!

Get up!

Oh, my! Fuck!

Hold it steady and start reeling it back in.

We've got a fish, man. We've got a fucking fish!

A fuckin' whopper! It's a tunny!

I think it's a shark, you know.

No. There's no sharks in 'ere. It's a tunny.

It's not right, you need to let it out more.

Oh, fuck. Let me do it.

Let it 'ere. [SCREAMS]

Twat!

Yeah, well, that wasn't my fault, you know.

Yeah, well, you should have let it out a bit.

But you're the fisherman!

Yeah, and that was my fish.

My only fucking catch.

It's not my fault you're shit. You what?

Go on then. Throw me in the sea or just twat me.

Go on, punch me. Punch me in the fuckin' face!

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

I can't believe you just did that.

You prick!

[SPITS]

MOONY: Wild mushroom risotto...

This is insanity. The special's chicken curry.

It's always been chicken curry since 1975.

They're gonna be rioting in the streets.

I beg you not to do this.

With truffle oil.

You crazy, mad fool. [LAUGHS]

KIERAN: You all right?

What you doin'?

Walking.

Look, what 'appened...

Go away.

Are you gonna tell Sam?

When I look at you, Kieran, I wanna be sick.

[SCOFFS]

Fuckin' hell.

You really think you're it, don't ya?

All this bullshit with you and Sam.

Art, poems, music.

It's bollocks.

He thinks you're so fuckin' different

that he's running around after you like some wet-arsed fucking lapdog.

Only he needn't bother, had he?

Because you put out anyway.

[SCOFFS]

Mug.

You actually think you're better than everyone else, don't ya?

Hey?

Pikey bitch!

He's a right to know.

What you did to me.

What?

What I did to ya?

Told you to stop.

You what?

Orange juice, aspirin and Coke. Best hangover cure in the world.

And pork and leek sausages

with wholegrain mustard on sourdough bread.

Oh, you're a culinary genius, my little Moon-pig.

Mmm.

Good, eh? [LAUGHS]

What are we calling this creation?

Um...

Sloppy, muddy shit?

Oh, that works.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Kieran.

It's me. Um...

Where are ya?

Just bell me, yeah.

[GASPS] Would ya... Stop doin' that!

London!

London?

Yeah, let... Let's just do it.

But... Tomorrow, me and you.

Let's just do something together.

Like you said.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Good girl.

Dah, dah, dah!

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

Oh...

Oh!

It's back to basics.

What?

Where's Moony?

The bird has flown.

Gone off with that dickhead.

Okay. Um...

Just a cup of tea, please.

Oh!

At the back.

The rudder ain't... Just step across.

The rudder's not secured. Just go and fix it.

Um...

Oh, forget it. Get off!

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

Do they know what happened yet?

Suicide.

But it wasn't.

Why would she?

I don't know.

When I was a kid, Sam...

Not now, mate, yeah?

[SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]

I don't know, it's...

I feel...

I feel like...

I was watching a film in a cinema

and someone's just come in right in the middle and stopped it.

Told me to go home.

In fact, I didn't even get to the middle,

I was about 20 minutes in.

Sounds just like getting old.

I just wish I had the chance to speak to her again.

You know,

I know I can't but...

It just doesn't make sense.

ROSE: You're an air sign.

SAM: Uh, Pisces.

Water. Really.

I'm earth. Come sit down.

How old do you think I am?

[TV PLAYING IN BACKGROUND]

Um...

Forty?

Forty.

I don't look forty, it's just the lighting in here, it's harsh.

You've got very nice eyes. Thank you.

Pisces love to talk, they're always chatting.

I was... I was thinking maybe we could...

Forty.

I'm just tired. I've got these dark circles under my eyes.

I don't sleep very well. Do you?

Yeah, usually.

Was she, um...

Just want to sit here and watch the television.

Okay.

No. Look. I, I... That's not what...

Please don't... Please don't go. I, I...

I'm sorry. I'm not myself.

I met a man who...

Worked in a gym.

Taught kids to swim. Um...

Fell for him in a big way and, um...

When he found out Lori was scared of water

he offered to teach her privately.

And she lost her fear.

She became a very good swimmer.

Very strong.

Then... Mmm. Then he...

He left me. I never saw him again.

He was... He was using me, you see.

[SIGHS DEEPLY]

He had such a lovely touch.

I thought he was perfect.

But he wasn't interested in me.

She was only 12. She was...

She wasn't even a teenager.

But, um...

He was a man.

Is there an age restriction on this train?

Hop on.

Sam, you're meant to be working.

Fuck off.

So...

How's the Internet dating going then?

They're all perverts.

I want good company.

Old men are mean, morbid and miserable.

[SAM LAUGHS]

Now, Marvin Gaye,

he was a gentleman.

Go away! Marvin Gaye.

1977. The Embassy Club in Soho.

Me and him doing blow in the back room.

[SAM LAUGHS]

Magical.Brilliant.

Are you any better?

No.

I saw her, you know.

The night before.

Lori?

She was with your mate...

Kieran.

She was upset.

Right, what's Moony's real name?

Sarah Lambton. "Lamb" like a baby sheep and "ton," T-O-N.

GEOFFREY: Is she on it?

SAM: Hang on.

Right, there's...

Four in Scotland and one in London.

Clones.

Who?

She's in London.

I can feel the vibrations.

It's feminine intuition.

You're a man.

Ish.

Okay. Um...

Right.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

He's dead.

SAM: Who?

Stuart.

Get inside, quick.

He was dancin' around like a twat and then

he just keeled over.

Do something.

Dancin'?

I gave him some M-CAT.

But, look. He's not breathing.

Do something!

SAM: A dog?

Stuart!

Come on, boy!

What kind of fuckin' name's Stuart?

We've gotta get rid of him.

Before Moony gets back.

Fuck!MOONY: Hiya!

Now. Oh, mate, you look like shit, you know.

MOONY: So, the florist was dead, dear.

What are you doin' here?

MOONY: So I went over the road to the market.

You just fucked off.

So, we've not got time for that now.

Stuart has to go walkies.

MOONY: You know what, I saw this nice little organic store

and it was quite cheap so I bought some proper coffee

and...

Sam!Hiya.

Um... Yeah, so I got these.

Thought I'd brighten the place up a bit.

Yo, what are you doin'?

Jesus, Moony!

Sorry. KIERAN: You know, I keep my gear in there.

You know, my mum uses lemonade with the flowers.

Says they last longer.

[WHISPERS] You said you wanted the address

for a birthday card!

You bad man.

[LAUGHS]

What?

Stuart.

Stuart!

What...

Shall we party?

What is it?

M-CAT. It'll blow your mind.

MOONY: What've you done?

Oh!

[SNIFFS]

Maybe he had a bad heart.

He had a good heart.

Take Sam's uncle.

One day as fit as a fiddle.

The next, dead as a dodo.

You can't just leave him there.

This ain't right. He were fine this morning.

Well, things change.

I feel weird.

We could burn him.

Burn him?

Like a viking king.

I'm goin' under.

Do you want some water?

Yeah, that's it.

I've got it.

MOONY: He's not sinkin'! Shit!

Ah, bollocks!

SAM: It might be nice if he floats out to sea.

KIERAN: Stuart!

Come on, you fucker, sink!

Ah, he could be a danger to shippin'.

He's a fuckin' dog in a canal, not an iceberg.

Kieran, I wanted to ask you about Lori.

Not now.

Did she say anything to you about what she did?

Look. Mate, she was fucked.

Always was and always would have been.

That's it.

Just leave it at that. It's finished.

Yeah?

MOONY: Can we get a cat?

What do you want another pet for?

Affection. [SAM LAUGHS]

It's not going anywhere, look.

Stuart!

'Course it's not going anywhere, it's in the canal.

It's sinkin' now.

KIERAN: Proper sinkin'.

You're fucked.

Aren't you?Nah.

Lightweight.

Have another line then. I've had four!

Rip-off bastard.

Yeah, drugs only work if you've got a soul.

Swivel!

He has a problem with emotion because of his problem.

Shut it!

I didn't say... I don't have a fuckin' problem, all right!

Mate, chill. I'm sorry. That M-CAT's shit.

I'm gonna twat youse.

SAM: Outstanding!

Nah.

Fuck this for a game of soldiers. Come on.

Where are we going? To get the prick that sold us that

and kick fuck out of him.

No! Come on, Sam.

Still the coward.

I don't fight.

Well, what the fuck do you do, hey?

[SCOFFS]

Sweet. I'll sort it myself.

Kieran!

SAM: I'm just comin' down to land.

You spaceman.

Are you not off it?

Not into it.

Has he always been this angry?

They tried to do tests on him a few years ago

to see if he was on some sort of

behavior spectrum or something.

And he wouldn't take 'em.

What do you mean?

He's just Kieran.

Did you like London then?

It's all right.

And how are things with you?

The same.

Dull, boring, food's shite. Nothing to do.

Oh, please, stop. You're making me homesick. [BOTH LAUGH]

You know, I'll cook you something nice.

JEZ: All right, man, how you doin'...

Ah, fuck. Ow!

[GRUNTING]

[COUGHS AND GROANS]

Ah. Fuck.

MOONY: I can't believe you've actually fixed it.

Cool. Should be able to burn CDs and that now.

I've just switched the slave and the master.

You are a bloody genius, Sam!

Kieran'll be well chuffed.

He was gonna chuck it out.

Magic touch you've got with computers, Sam.

Workin' all right?

Uh, yeah. Seems to be.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Fart!

What youse doin'?

Moony found the board so we thought we'd have a go.

Count me in.

Eleven!

Klingon?

KIERAN: Yeah. SAM: Mate, you can't have it. It's not in the dictionary.

Fuck off!

What about kling?

With a K?

[LAUGHS]

Well, change my letters then. SAM: I've got one.

SAM: Zebu. KIERAN: Whoa! Whoa!

What the fuck's a zebu?

It's in the dictionary.

Zebu.

"Bos primigenius indicus or Bos indicus.

"Sometimes known as humped cattle.

"A type of domestic cattle originating in South Asia.

"They're characterized by a fatty hump on their shoulders,

"drooping ears and a large dewlap."

Mmm, fuck off! Fuck right off, you cheatin' bastard.

Give me that.

I've heard of it before.

KIERAN: When have you ever opened a dictionary?

Kieran. Yeah?

Your nose.

Why's it bleedin'?

Fuck do I know?

Kieran, what did you do last night?

Nowt!

Just stop naggin'! I'm just askin'.

Well, fuckin' don't!

SAM: Oi!

Kieran, leave her. Fuckin' hell!

You don't have to put up with that, you know. You can...

Look, just leave it.

It's none of your business.

Okay. Sorry.

MOONY: I mean, yeah fair play.

But, seriously!

Is it any good?

SAM: I don't know. Is it not?

MOONY: Don't ask me, I'm thick.

SAM: No one's thick.

MOONY: Uh, yes, I am. I am honestly one

of the stupidest people you'll ever meet.

SAM: No! [LAUGHS]

Yeah. I hide it nicely by asking questions.

Jesus did that when he was a kid.

Jesus was thick?

He was a carpenter. He did woodwork.

All the thickos do woodwork. [BOTH LAUGH]

You and Kieran.

You're like... Chalk and cheese?

My mum always used to say he was a bad influence on me

but I feel a bit lost without him.

We've grown up together.

We've known each other since we were five.

And he's always stuck up for me.

Well, move to London.

Me? Nah.

You can have the spare room.

Go on. It'll be nice to have someone to talk to.

I'm not goin' anywhere just yet.

All right.

MOONY: Thank you. Thanks.

[MOONY LAUGHS]

Madness. I know.

It's granite!

Would you use it though?

Does the pope shit in the woods?

Only if he's desperate. [LAUGHS]

Excuse me, mate.

Cheers. Thank you.

Tell you what we haven't got yet.

What? Wood pigeon.

Yeah, come on then. Go on.

[MOONY LAUGHS]

MOONY: Nearly.

Do you see that?

Just round the corner.

That's Saint Paul's.

SAM: Oh, yeah.

Lovely.

[LAUGHS] Shut up!

What?

It's just I've never... Never heard a man say that before.

No, sorry. Fuckin' mint, mate!

[MOONY LAUGHS]

I don't love him.

Ah, I'm sorry.

Leave then.

SAM: Oh.

Yep.

He was supposed to have one as well, you know, like a pact.

But, uh, he changed his mind when he saw mine.

What do you see in him?

Sex is good.

Look, I don't want your sympathy.

No, I'm not...

Just... Don't. What?

Get involved.

Right.

Phew. I'm boilin'.

What time's your train?

Quarter past 8:00.

Have you texted him?

Yep, and rang. It's going straight to voicemail.

This is unbelievable.

I know.

Honestly I never knew

you could cook like this, you know.

What? 'Cause I is fick!

Yeah. [BOTH LAUGH]

No, I don't know.

When I'm cookin' it's just like I get possessed

by some sort of spirit of cleverness.

No, seriously though. Have you thought about, like,

catering college or something?

Maybe.

Cheers, anyway.

Yeah.

Fuck him!

Cheers!

Cauliflower? MOONY: No.

Parsnip?

Onion?

Nope. Ah, it doesn't work when there's just one guesser.

[LAUGHS] Shut up and guess, will ya!

More vegetables!

Okay! Um... Fennel?

MOONY: What?

Um, turnip. Um, bok choi?

[BLOWS RASPBERRRY] A normal vegetable!

Mushroom?

Mushrooms are fungus, you idiot! [LAUGHS]

Ah! Get off me! Get off me. No.

What's funny?

MOONY: Just... Playin' a game.

KIERAN: Oh, are you?

Cozy little dinner party, eh? MOONY: Yeah!

Which you were meant to be at. Bullshit!

Sam was just leavin'. Good.

Mate, she made a crackin' meal for the three of us.

Yeah, I'm sure she did.

But Samuel, this is none of your business, is it?

Actually!

We were playing the categories game

before somebody rudely interrupted.

What?

Categories?

Think of a vegetable.

What?

Think

of a vegetable.

You!

Ow!

Kieran! Don't!

Ah! Get off me! No!

SAM: Kieran, just fuckin' leave her, mate!

Get off me! Get off me!

KIERAN: Shush!

[SLAPPING, THUDDING]

[MOONY GRUNTING]

Kieran!

Captain.

She's comin' with me.

You what? She's comin' with me.

Do one. I'm not leavin' without her.

I said do one! She's comin' with me!

Fuckin' do one!

What does Moony wanna do?

Just go. Why? Come with me!

Don't want to.

I'll have the un-special breakfast please, Geoffrey.

[KEYBOARD CLACKING]

So...

We're not friends anymore?

Rose, how are ya?

I've requested your friendship online 17 times!

Really? I've had no Roses.

I don't use my own name. I'm not an idiot.

What name do you use?

Francis Leghorn.

See you've got your new fellow over there.

Oh, no, no, no. That's... That's Lawrence.

Hello, Lawrence.

My brother.

He seems nice.

He's a pain in the ass, actually.

Hasn't changed a bit!

You've cheered up.

Have I?

You've got to stop being normal.

That's the secret of life.

Cut loose, eh?

Yeah. Thanks!

[GRUNTING]

Come on.

Ah!

[EXHALES]

[CELL PHONE BEEPS]

You all right?Yeah!

So we're all right?Yeah.

You look dead nice.

No, I don't!

Better? Yeah, I am now.

I couldn't talk before. I mean, I could talk.

I could... I could speak but I couldn't speak then.

Do you know what I mean, what I'm talking about?

[CELL PHONE BEEPS]

You know, he won't leave us alone.

Fuckin' hell!

KIERAN: Yo!

Oi, Captain!

Hiya.

You back then?

Yeah.

Good, eh?

So, where is she? Who?

Moony.

We, um...

I thought she'd be back here.

I don't know.

Fuckin' women, eh?

So... So...

I've got things to do, Kieran.

You and her?

I know something went on.

It's all right.Is it?

Yeah!

You've got a thing for her, haven't ya?

I think she can do a lot better than you.

Check that sky.

It's a good fishing day.

We need some ragworms.

I'll meet you here later, yeah?

I don't care, Kieran. Just leave me alone.

[SCOFFS]

In a way, it's kinda weird.

The way it all worked out.

You know, the Lori business.

You hardly knew her.

I knew her better than I know you.

Stuff's changed. Move on, yeah.

Oh, right!

'Cause I guess...

We're quite even then, yeah?

Are we?

Yeah.

I mean...

You fucked my girlfriend,

I fucked yours.

Yeah. Me and Lori.

When you went to the funeral.

Funny thing was, Sam,

she actually fuckin' begged me to fuck her.

Don't know what you were doing wrong.

No, you're lying.

You're lying.

I'm not.

[SCREAMS]

Fuck, man!

Liar!

[GRUNTING]

Get up, you prick!

Get off me! Get off! Ah!

Come on!

Get off me, you dick!

[GROWLS] I said get up!

[GROANS]

Fuck off!

[SCREAMING]

[GRUNTING]

Fuck, man.

[SCREAMING] [BONES CRUNCHING]

You're pathetic! [SPITS]

Fuckin' drown!

Sam, don't fuckin' leave me.

Sam!

Sam!

Come back!

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Sam?

[CHAIRS CLATTERING]

[SAM SCREAMS]

Your drink's going cold.

What?

Your drink's going cold.

What is it?

Hot chocolate.

With cream.

What kinda cream?

Squirty cream.

Come on.

Thanks.