subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for Screwed.2000.1080p.WEBRip.x264-RARBG

Afrikaans

Akan

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bemba

Bengali

Bihari

Bosnian

Breton

Bulgarian

Cambodian

Catalan

Cebuano

Cherokee

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch

English

Esperanto

Estonian

Ewe

Faroese

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek

Guarani

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Interlingua

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Kinyarwanda

Kirundi

Kongo

Korean

Krio (Sierra Leone)

Kurdish

Kurdish (Soranî)

Kyrgyz

Laothian

Latin

Latvian

Lingala

Lithuanian

Lozi

Luganda

Luo

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mauritian Creole

Moldavian

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Montenegrin

Nepali

Nigerian Pidgin

Northern Sotho

Norwegian

Norwegian (Nynorsk)

Occitan

Oriya

Oromo

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese (Brazil)

Portuguese (Portugal) Download

Punjabi

Quechua

Romanian Download

Romansh

Runyakitara

Russian

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Serbo-Croatian

Sesotho

Setswana

Seychellois Creole

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhalese

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish

Spanish (Latin American)

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Tatar

Telugu

Thai

Tigrinya

Tonga

Tshiluba

Tumbuka

Turkish

Turkmen

Twi

Uighur

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Wolof

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:50,417 --> 00:00:54,000 Willard, bring in the videocassette recorder. 2 00:01:12,250 --> 00:01:14,083 Aah! 3 00:01:30,834 --> 00:01:34,291 Suddenly, I realized that, uh, I don't have a pension plan. 4 00:01:34,291 --> 00:01:38,417 I don't have a health plan. I don't have a dental plan. 5 00:01:38,417 --> 00:01:40,458 I don't have-- 6 00:02:09,708 --> 00:02:11,542 Willard. 7 00:02:32,208 --> 00:02:34,208 Willard! 8 00:02:34,208 --> 00:02:37,000 Willard! 9 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:39,375 Willard! 10 00:02:39,375 --> 00:02:43,625 Willard! 11 00:02:43,625 --> 00:02:45,708 Where the hell is my blue hat? 12 00:02:45,708 --> 00:02:48,542 I, uh, I don't know, Miss Crock. 13 00:02:48,542 --> 00:02:52,166 Do you expect me to go to my 10:00 meeting like this? 14 00:02:52,166 --> 00:02:55,417 Oh, no, no. Absolutely not, Miss Crock. 15 00:02:55,417 --> 00:02:57,542 I'll-- I'll help you find it. 16 00:03:06,083 --> 00:03:11,542 I'm cold! Taking a coffee break, lazy bones? 17 00:03:11,542 --> 00:03:14,083 All right, this is a good job. This is a good job. 18 00:03:14,083 --> 00:03:17,125 Aha! I should have known it was you. 19 00:03:30,417 --> 00:03:34,750 Uh, you know, Miss Crock, you have such an appreciation of fine clothing, 20 00:03:34,750 --> 00:03:37,583 I was thinking maybe it was time you buy me a new uniform. 21 00:03:37,583 --> 00:03:41,000 You look just fine to me, Willard. 22 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:43,125 And you're dismissed. 23 00:03:43,125 --> 00:03:46,625 But it's disintegrating. The buttons are barely hanging on. 24 00:03:46,625 --> 00:03:49,250 Oh, Willard, that is a terrific suit. 25 00:03:49,250 --> 00:03:51,750 Your father worked for me for 30 years. 26 00:03:51,750 --> 00:03:54,333 Wore that suit every day. Never complained. 27 00:03:54,333 --> 00:03:57,583 Yeah, and then he died, and then at the funeral, 28 00:03:57,583 --> 00:03:59,792 you made the undertaker give it back to you... 29 00:03:59,792 --> 00:04:02,583 so you could stick me in it for another 15 years. 30 00:04:02,583 --> 00:04:05,458 Just what are you implying? 31 00:04:05,458 --> 00:04:08,125 Miss Crock, it's Christmastime. 32 00:04:08,125 --> 00:04:10,792 I'm only asking for a new uniform. 33 00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:13,125 Only a new uniform? 34 00:04:13,125 --> 00:04:16,500 And pretty soon it'll be only a new broom, maybe. 35 00:04:16,500 --> 00:04:20,750 And before you know it, I will be only bankrupt. 36 00:04:20,750 --> 00:04:25,083 Now, would you please get out of my sight... 37 00:04:25,083 --> 00:04:29,000 before I kick you in the ass? 38 00:04:42,667 --> 00:04:46,542 It's not my fault you have frost on your strawberries. 39 00:04:46,542 --> 00:04:49,166 We have a contract. 40 00:04:49,166 --> 00:04:53,542 Oh, well, then, I'll see you in court. 41 00:04:53,542 --> 00:04:57,166 Excuse me, ma'am. I've got the Danish. 42 00:04:57,166 --> 00:04:58,917 Okay, bring them in. 43 00:04:58,917 --> 00:05:02,375 Miss crock, I'd like you to meet... 44 00:05:02,375 --> 00:05:04,583 Gunn Froling, Erland Vetterlund, 45 00:05:04,583 --> 00:05:06,625 Per Malmsjo and Bertil Guve. 46 00:05:06,625 --> 00:05:08,917 The executive team from Copenhagen Snak Food. 47 00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:13,291 I'm just flattered that you're even considering my little factory. 48 00:05:13,291 --> 00:05:15,875 Ja. Ja. Lovely output. 49 00:05:15,875 --> 00:05:18,708 Oh, that's terrific, Gunn. You are truly a great Dane. 50 00:05:21,917 --> 00:05:24,041 Come, gentlemen. I'd like to show you the bun room. 51 00:05:24,041 --> 00:05:26,041 I'm sure you're gonna love it. 52 00:05:27,500 --> 00:05:30,125 It's just past jellies and creams. 53 00:05:30,125 --> 00:05:32,208 What a bunch of bores. 54 00:05:32,208 --> 00:05:35,166 I never know what the hell those guys are saying. 55 00:05:35,166 --> 00:05:37,834 Never mind about that. Do you think we've got a deal? 56 00:05:37,834 --> 00:05:39,792 Does Big Boy have a weight problem? 57 00:05:39,792 --> 00:05:42,750 Mm-hmm. Soon you're going to be the richest, 58 00:05:42,750 --> 00:05:47,083 prettiest, sexiest lady in the entire pastry industry. 59 00:05:48,333 --> 00:05:50,500 I've told you, Chip, 60 00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:52,708 not in the office. 61 00:06:16,667 --> 00:06:21,083 Hey, nothing says Christmas eve like some hot spicy chicken wings. 62 00:06:21,083 --> 00:06:23,083 All right! 63 00:06:25,291 --> 00:06:28,083 If they're so goddamn yummy, how come you only show up when it's free? 64 00:06:29,125 --> 00:06:31,959 - Hey, there he is. - About time. 65 00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:35,000 Can you believe it? The old prune had me cleaning her chimney. 66 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,458 Oh, she thinks Santa's coming to pay her a visit. 67 00:06:40,917 --> 00:06:44,667 Now, look here. Be careful with this 'cause it's kind of strong. 68 00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:51,750 Willard, you need to make a new year's resolution-- 69 00:06:51,750 --> 00:06:53,875 quit working for the ball buster. 70 00:06:53,875 --> 00:06:56,792 Show her who's boss, man. Take a shit in her soup. 71 00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:59,000 Thanks. That's real constructive. 72 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:02,708 You know the way things are: a man has a job, he holds onto it. 73 00:07:02,708 --> 00:07:04,917 In your case, till he dies of old age. 74 00:07:04,917 --> 00:07:07,125 Yeah, like my old man. 75 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,542 You know what he said to me on his deathbed? 76 00:07:11,542 --> 00:07:14,667 He said, "Stick with Miss Crock. You'll get ahead." 77 00:07:14,667 --> 00:07:17,000 I don't know what he was talking about. 78 00:07:18,208 --> 00:07:21,333 Merry Christmas, Willard. 79 00:07:21,333 --> 00:07:23,583 Merry Christmas, Rusty. 80 00:07:23,583 --> 00:07:26,166 # Good King Wenceslas looked out # 81 00:07:26,166 --> 00:07:28,667 # On the feast of Stephen # 82 00:07:28,667 --> 00:07:32,417 Oh, chip, it's beautiful. 83 00:07:32,417 --> 00:07:34,417 Now open yours. 84 00:07:34,417 --> 00:07:37,458 Oh, I'm so excited. 85 00:07:37,458 --> 00:07:41,083 Oh, Virginia, what a sweet gift! 86 00:07:41,083 --> 00:07:44,959 Well, I know how much you like money. It's $50,000. 87 00:07:44,959 --> 00:07:47,500 You can buy anything you want with it. 88 00:07:49,041 --> 00:07:52,166 What are you standing around for, Willard? 89 00:07:52,166 --> 00:07:55,834 We don't want a mess now, do we, on Christmas? 90 00:08:06,875 --> 00:08:08,875 Will that be all? 91 00:08:08,875 --> 00:08:11,708 That will not be all. 92 00:08:16,708 --> 00:08:20,792 Merry Christmas. 93 00:08:20,792 --> 00:08:24,250 Miss Crock, I wasn't expecting this. 94 00:08:24,250 --> 00:08:29,333 I thought of something, and I knew you'd be thrilled to death with it. 95 00:08:29,333 --> 00:08:32,208 Oh, Miss Crock, God bless you. 96 00:08:32,208 --> 00:08:35,792 Open it! Open it! You are a good woman. 97 00:08:35,792 --> 00:08:39,250 - Hey, what's this? - Your favorite. 98 00:08:39,250 --> 00:08:41,625 Mincemeat pie. 99 00:08:41,625 --> 00:08:43,875 Where the hell is my suit? 100 00:08:43,875 --> 00:08:48,708 Oh, goodness gracious. Sakes alive. I thought you'd like it. 101 00:08:48,708 --> 00:08:50,834 Like it? Yes. 102 00:08:50,834 --> 00:08:53,834 I-I put a pair of cuff links in there as well. 103 00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:57,083 Oh, you went all out, didn't you? 104 00:08:57,083 --> 00:08:59,875 A pair of crackerjack cuff links and one shitty pie! 105 00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:07,458 Hey. Hey, man. What are you doing? 106 00:09:07,458 --> 00:09:10,125 I thought we were going to Leroy's Christmas kegger? 107 00:09:10,125 --> 00:09:13,125 Yeah, well, Miss Crock said I gotta spend a night in the box. 108 00:09:13,125 --> 00:09:16,333 Damn, it's like a Filipino prison. 109 00:09:16,333 --> 00:09:19,750 Get in that sweatbox! Leave me alone! 110 00:09:21,125 --> 00:09:23,417 Fine. 111 00:09:23,417 --> 00:09:27,625 Uh, feliz navidad. 112 00:09:28,750 --> 00:09:33,083 Oh, just in case you get hungry. 113 00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:47,792 - Beat it. - This is my dinner. 114 00:09:47,792 --> 00:09:50,792 Oh, you rat, I'll squash you. 115 00:09:53,625 --> 00:09:55,959 Come here. 116 00:09:55,959 --> 00:09:57,959 Whoa. 117 00:10:03,166 --> 00:10:07,458 I can't believe I've tolerated him for as long as I have. 118 00:10:07,458 --> 00:10:10,166 He's just a user. Willard's exploited your generosity. 119 00:10:10,166 --> 00:10:12,667 That's exactly right. 120 00:10:12,667 --> 00:10:16,458 I mean, his father, Teddy, was a nice man. 121 00:10:16,458 --> 00:10:19,000 - But enough is enough. - Really. 122 00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:22,458 Well, tomorrow, we'll-- we'll fire him. 123 00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:27,291 Throw his stuff in the furnace. 124 00:10:30,166 --> 00:10:33,375 Santa Claus must be stopped. 125 00:10:33,375 --> 00:10:36,166 - There will be no Christmas this year. - You got that right. 126 00:10:38,375 --> 00:10:40,542 You're not gonna believe this. 127 00:10:40,542 --> 00:10:42,250 The old grinch is gonna fire me. 128 00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:44,750 That's ridiculous, man. Why would somebody fire their slave? 129 00:10:44,750 --> 00:10:48,708 Because she's mean. She picked Christmas day to do it. 130 00:10:48,708 --> 00:10:51,500 Damn! You need revenge. 131 00:10:51,500 --> 00:10:53,500 Revenge! We need revenge! 132 00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:56,583 Revenge! We need revenge! 133 00:10:56,583 --> 00:11:02,083 Let's kidnap Santa Claus. We'll break into his North Pole toy shop and seize him. 134 00:11:02,083 --> 00:11:07,166 Maybe those moon men are, uh, are onto something. 135 00:11:07,166 --> 00:11:09,667 You mean we should kidnap Santa? 136 00:11:09,667 --> 00:11:12,500 Wait a minute. Why don't we just kidnap Miss Crock? 137 00:11:12,500 --> 00:11:15,250 That's crazy. No, that's brilliant. 138 00:11:15,250 --> 00:11:17,500 We'll grab granny, we'll hold her ass for ransom. 139 00:11:17,500 --> 00:11:20,458 And if they don't pay, we start hacking off her fingers. 140 00:11:20,458 --> 00:11:22,750 First her thumb, then her pointer, 141 00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:24,750 then her little nasty finger. 142 00:11:24,750 --> 00:11:26,708 Hey, man, what are you talking about? 143 00:11:26,708 --> 00:11:30,834 We're not criminals. You fry chicken, I drive a car. 144 00:11:30,834 --> 00:11:33,250 When that money comes rolling in, I'll go crazy, man. 145 00:11:33,250 --> 00:11:35,333 I'll-- I'll laminate my menus. 146 00:11:35,333 --> 00:11:37,583 Hey, shut up, okay? 147 00:11:37,583 --> 00:11:40,083 We know nothing about kidnapping an old lady. 148 00:11:42,125 --> 00:11:44,125 Hey, but what about her dog? 149 00:11:44,125 --> 00:11:47,125 You mean Biscuit? No, Muffin. 150 00:11:47,125 --> 00:11:50,667 Yeah, she loves him more than anything in the world. 151 00:11:50,667 --> 00:11:53,792 I bet she'd pay plenty for that old bag of fleas. 152 00:11:53,792 --> 00:11:57,708 Yeah, I bet she'd pay a million bucks. 153 00:11:57,708 --> 00:12:01,542 # A million bucks a million bucks # 154 00:12:01,542 --> 00:12:08,458 # A million bucks a million bucks # 155 00:12:22,667 --> 00:12:24,708 Remember, we have to be quiet inside the house. 156 00:12:24,708 --> 00:12:26,792 Miss Crock is a light sleeper. 157 00:12:26,792 --> 00:12:28,959 You ain't gotta worry about me. 158 00:12:34,417 --> 00:12:36,792 This place is nice. 159 00:12:40,375 --> 00:12:43,125 What the hell are you doing? 160 00:12:43,125 --> 00:12:45,166 I'm checking for electric eyes. 161 00:12:45,166 --> 00:12:47,041 There's no electric eyes. 162 00:12:47,041 --> 00:12:49,333 How do you know that? They're invisible. Trust me. 163 00:12:49,333 --> 00:12:51,625 I've lived here my entire life. 164 00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,125 So, this is where the old bitch sleeps, huh? 165 00:13:00,125 --> 00:13:02,125 Shh. 166 00:13:08,041 --> 00:13:11,500 Okay, give me the weenie. 167 00:13:21,708 --> 00:13:25,041 Okay, Muffin. I have a special treat for you. 168 00:13:27,333 --> 00:13:29,083 Oh, cripes. 169 00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:36,583 What kind of aim was that? 170 00:13:36,583 --> 00:13:40,792 Muffin, Muffin, bite my weenie. 171 00:13:52,667 --> 00:13:54,875 Oh, the hell with this. Plan B. 172 00:14:01,083 --> 00:14:04,333 Will you shut that dog up? 173 00:14:04,333 --> 00:14:07,166 Aah! 174 00:14:07,166 --> 00:14:10,375 - Shh. - You bastard! 175 00:14:15,708 --> 00:14:18,667 Oh. Mm. Shh. 176 00:14:18,667 --> 00:14:21,542 Aah! 177 00:14:28,542 --> 00:14:32,333 Aah! 178 00:14:32,333 --> 00:14:34,542 Hey, would you keep it down? 179 00:14:34,542 --> 00:14:39,125 Ow! Keep it down? This thing is eating my hand! 180 00:14:40,250 --> 00:14:42,125 Aah! 181 00:14:44,792 --> 00:14:48,166 Oh, Jesus, this is a nightmare! 182 00:14:48,166 --> 00:14:50,125 Put him in the box! 183 00:14:58,583 --> 00:15:01,125 Who's smarter, huh? Now who's smarter? 184 00:15:02,792 --> 00:15:04,959 What should it say? 185 00:15:04,959 --> 00:15:07,375 Um, um, we've got him. 186 00:15:07,375 --> 00:15:12,291 Pay us $1 million, or he's a dead dog! 187 00:15:12,291 --> 00:15:14,792 How does that sound? Fine. 188 00:15:14,792 --> 00:15:17,041 Let's get the hell out of here. 189 00:15:30,583 --> 00:15:34,834 One million dollars! This is the happiest day of my life. 190 00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:38,291 - Yeah, with that money, we can do anything. - I know what I'm gonna do. 191 00:15:38,291 --> 00:15:40,500 I'm gonna buy me a four-star chicken hole. 192 00:15:40,500 --> 00:15:43,500 I'll get a better neighborhood and a listing in the Zagat guide. 193 00:15:43,500 --> 00:15:47,333 I'm gonna go someplace warm where you don't need layered clothing. 194 00:15:47,333 --> 00:15:50,333 Start over. I got some good years left in me. I can better myself. 195 00:15:50,333 --> 00:15:53,834 I'm gonna register at one of them four-year universities. 196 00:16:09,291 --> 00:16:13,041 My friend, here's to second chances. 197 00:17:15,917 --> 00:17:19,917 Did you have a lovely sleep, Muffin? Oh, yes. 198 00:17:19,917 --> 00:17:23,917 Now we'll have a lovely breakfast, you and-- 199 00:17:29,125 --> 00:17:32,583 oh, my... God! 200 00:17:32,583 --> 00:17:36,417 Oh, my God. Look at me. 201 00:17:36,417 --> 00:17:41,458 Muffin, look what they've done to your mother. 202 00:17:41,458 --> 00:17:43,625 I don't know-- 203 00:17:45,458 --> 00:17:47,875 "We've got him. 204 00:17:47,875 --> 00:17:53,125 Pay us $1 million, or he's a dead dog." 205 00:17:53,125 --> 00:17:55,125 Who's a dead dog? 206 00:17:55,125 --> 00:17:58,458 Willard? Willard! 207 00:17:58,458 --> 00:18:01,792 Man, we've got so many choices. 208 00:18:01,792 --> 00:18:03,875 I'm just trying to get out of Pittsburgh. 209 00:18:03,875 --> 00:18:07,834 You said it. Hey, check out this, huh? Bora Bora. 210 00:18:07,834 --> 00:18:10,875 I was thinking more like the Caribbean myself. 211 00:18:10,875 --> 00:18:14,417 Yeah, well, whichever one has a school with a strong liberal arts program. 212 00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:19,333 Oh, my lord! I'm dead! 213 00:18:19,333 --> 00:18:21,834 We're going to jail. What do you mean "we"? 214 00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:25,333 That's my picture on the front page. 215 00:18:30,542 --> 00:18:33,458 Who would have thought kidnapping a dog would make the front page? 216 00:18:33,458 --> 00:18:36,792 Wait a minute. They think it was me. 217 00:18:36,792 --> 00:18:39,333 They think I was kidnapped. They-- they don't even mention Muffin. 218 00:18:39,333 --> 00:18:41,667 Ridiculous. Why would somebody kidnap you? 219 00:18:41,667 --> 00:18:43,750 I don't know, but they think someone did. 220 00:18:43,750 --> 00:18:45,834 "There were signs of a scuffle, 221 00:18:45,834 --> 00:18:47,875 "the chauffeur's blood was found on the wall... 222 00:18:47,875 --> 00:18:53,708 and a note demanded one million dollars, or he's a dead dog." 223 00:19:07,792 --> 00:19:12,542 Sweet Jesus! We kidnapped a turd. 224 00:19:12,542 --> 00:19:14,542 According to sources, the missing chauffeur... 225 00:19:14,542 --> 00:19:17,792 had been a loyal employee for over 15 years. 226 00:19:17,792 --> 00:19:21,000 Virginia Crock, known for her mouthwatering treats, 227 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:24,208 awoke this morning to news that was not so sweet. 228 00:19:36,959 --> 00:19:38,917 Do you have any enemies? 229 00:19:38,917 --> 00:19:43,458 Not that I know of. I'm just an elderly lady who makes pies. 230 00:19:43,458 --> 00:19:47,834 Well, uh, does Mr. Fillmore have any enemies? 231 00:19:47,834 --> 00:19:51,667 Who? That's Willard's last name. 232 00:19:51,667 --> 00:19:53,542 Oh. 233 00:19:53,542 --> 00:19:55,917 Not that I know of. 234 00:19:55,917 --> 00:19:59,500 Did he have anybody that he used to, uh, bring around the house? 235 00:19:59,500 --> 00:20:01,708 Not that I know of. 236 00:20:03,708 --> 00:20:06,250 Does he have any living relatives? 237 00:20:06,250 --> 00:20:09,083 Not that I know of. 238 00:20:10,708 --> 00:20:16,250 Ma'am, excuse me, but, uh, 239 00:20:16,250 --> 00:20:19,667 this man worked for you for over a decade, 240 00:20:19,667 --> 00:20:24,625 and you don't know if he has any friends or any relatives? 241 00:20:24,625 --> 00:20:26,875 Detective, Miss Crock has told you everything she knows. 242 00:20:26,875 --> 00:20:29,125 What are you talking about? She hasn't told me anything. 243 00:20:29,125 --> 00:20:31,959 Sir, if it makes you happy, 244 00:20:31,959 --> 00:20:35,792 you go right ahead and find Willard Fillmore. 245 00:20:35,792 --> 00:20:38,125 As for me, 246 00:20:39,959 --> 00:20:42,125 it's time for my nap. 247 00:20:44,667 --> 00:20:47,000 According to sources, 248 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,959 Fillmore moved to Pittsburgh at the age of six. 249 00:20:48,959 --> 00:20:51,166 Here's the thing. I hardly knew Willard. 250 00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:53,750 Police say if you have any information, 251 00:20:53,750 --> 00:20:56,750 call the Pie Hunt hotline at 1-800-- 252 00:20:56,750 --> 00:20:59,500 How did this get so big? Rusty, we gotta turn ourselves in. 253 00:20:59,500 --> 00:21:01,417 How? They think you're the victim. 254 00:21:01,417 --> 00:21:05,166 Shit. You have to be really dumb to accidentally kidnap yourself. 255 00:21:05,166 --> 00:21:08,750 Wait a minute. This is all gonna get pinned on me! 256 00:21:08,750 --> 00:21:12,208 You gotta get un-kidnapped! You gotta escape! 257 00:21:12,208 --> 00:21:14,208 The kidnappers, they go out to dinner, 258 00:21:14,208 --> 00:21:16,166 you chew through the ropes, you get away. 259 00:21:16,166 --> 00:21:19,708 Yeah, that's good. That's good, but-- but it should be real. 260 00:21:19,708 --> 00:21:23,875 Uh, there was a struggle, and I got all bruised and beat up. 261 00:21:27,333 --> 00:21:29,500 This is an airtight alibi. 262 00:21:29,500 --> 00:21:32,917 Here. Let me help you. Good. Good. 263 00:21:32,917 --> 00:21:35,500 You like that, right? Yeah, wait a minute. Oh! 264 00:21:35,500 --> 00:21:38,500 What? Oh, I got an idea. 265 00:21:40,083 --> 00:21:44,000 What are we worried about? Why don't I just stay kidnapped? 266 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:48,041 Why? It makes perfect sense. 267 00:21:48,041 --> 00:21:50,166 Instead of them paying a million dollars for Muffin, 268 00:21:50,166 --> 00:21:52,458 they pay it for me. 269 00:21:52,458 --> 00:21:54,583 Why would somebody pay a million dollars for you? 270 00:21:54,583 --> 00:21:57,333 'Cause I'm a man. Muffin's a dog. 271 00:21:57,333 --> 00:22:01,041 But he got a pedigree. Gimme a break. I'm better than he is. 272 00:22:03,542 --> 00:22:06,041 Come on! I'm better than a dog! 273 00:22:07,875 --> 00:22:10,208 I'm five times better. 274 00:22:10,208 --> 00:22:14,375 "Five million dollars." 275 00:22:14,375 --> 00:22:17,000 It's repugnant. 276 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:19,417 It's like a rising stock. 277 00:22:19,417 --> 00:22:23,083 Why did he jump from one to five? 278 00:22:30,333 --> 00:22:35,208 All right now, let's see some real emotion here. You're kidnapped. 279 00:22:35,208 --> 00:22:38,792 Let's see some tears. I want to feel something real. 280 00:22:38,792 --> 00:22:42,750 - And action. - Help! Save me! 281 00:22:42,750 --> 00:22:46,583 Miss Crock, I'm begging you, please, oh! 282 00:22:48,166 --> 00:22:52,083 Hey, whoa. I got into MSNBC. How do you plug that camera in? 283 00:22:53,542 --> 00:22:55,625 I think like this. 284 00:23:00,083 --> 00:23:02,917 And in a startling development in the Pittsburgh kidnapping, 285 00:23:02,917 --> 00:23:06,291 this shocking videotape was e-mailed to MSNBC. 286 00:23:06,291 --> 00:23:09,750 Help, Miss Crock, save me. I'm begging you. 287 00:23:09,750 --> 00:23:12,917 They got me wearing chains! 288 00:23:12,917 --> 00:23:14,917 I'm living in a-a cage. 289 00:23:14,917 --> 00:23:18,625 Oh, they're gonna kill me. They're gonna kill me if you don't pay. 290 00:23:18,625 --> 00:23:21,959 Oh, open your wallet, you tight ass! 291 00:23:21,959 --> 00:23:25,583 Jesus, somebody has to do something. Oh! 292 00:23:25,583 --> 00:23:27,583 Dinnertime, dog. 293 00:23:27,583 --> 00:23:29,625 Oh! 294 00:23:30,750 --> 00:23:33,959 They got me eating kibble. Aah! 295 00:23:36,250 --> 00:23:39,375 I don't know how much longer I can last. 296 00:23:39,375 --> 00:23:44,041 Oh, God, Chip. He's wearing a collar. 297 00:23:44,041 --> 00:23:48,166 Oh, collars don't hurt. He's trying to intimidate us. 298 00:23:48,166 --> 00:23:50,125 Ow! What is that? 299 00:23:50,125 --> 00:23:53,250 Oh, is that urine? Oh, it is! 300 00:23:53,250 --> 00:23:57,542 - It is! - It's human urine! 301 00:23:57,542 --> 00:23:59,708 Chip, we're late. 302 00:23:59,708 --> 00:24:01,667 Miss Crock! Miss Crock! 303 00:24:01,667 --> 00:24:04,083 Do you have a reaction to the kibble video? I don't-- 304 00:24:04,083 --> 00:24:06,333 Have you changed your mind about paying the ransom? 305 00:24:06,333 --> 00:24:09,000 Miss Crock will not deal with criminals. This is a police matter. 306 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:12,000 Your chauffeur was chained up like a dog. Don't you have any compassion? 307 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,667 I'll show you compassion. 308 00:24:14,667 --> 00:24:18,291 Get your asses off my property! 309 00:24:18,291 --> 00:24:20,708 I'm afraid you didn't hear me. 310 00:24:20,708 --> 00:24:25,041 I'm afraid you didn't hear me! 311 00:24:25,041 --> 00:24:28,375 Today, dessert baron Virginia Crock reiterated... 312 00:24:28,375 --> 00:24:31,208 she will not pay the ransom. 313 00:24:31,208 --> 00:24:33,875 We went to the man in the street to find out what he thinks. 314 00:24:33,875 --> 00:24:36,417 She-- she's rich. She can afford it. 315 00:24:36,417 --> 00:24:40,375 If I worked for that slut, 316 00:24:40,375 --> 00:24:44,792 I'd tell her to get down, get busy on my , man. 317 00:24:44,792 --> 00:24:48,667 More concerned citizens have started a formal protest. 318 00:24:48,667 --> 00:24:51,417 No more pies if Willard dies! 319 00:24:51,417 --> 00:24:54,500 Hey, is that Hillary? 320 00:24:54,500 --> 00:24:56,750 Oh, she's looking good. 321 00:25:04,875 --> 00:25:08,750 - Whoo! - Rich people are no good. 322 00:25:08,750 --> 00:25:11,083 I never gonna eat her pie again. 323 00:25:16,500 --> 00:25:18,458 This media blitz is killing us. 324 00:25:18,458 --> 00:25:20,708 Our sales have dropped 50%. 325 00:25:28,959 --> 00:25:32,375 Miss Crock, go to hell. Miss Crock-- 326 00:25:38,041 --> 00:25:41,083 Miss Crock, many bad things are happened. 327 00:25:41,083 --> 00:25:44,041 We thought we were buying your wholesome American image. 328 00:25:44,041 --> 00:25:48,625 But it's terrible shock that you don't rescue your loyal houseman. 329 00:25:48,625 --> 00:25:51,333 Sweet old lady on pie box is now super-villain. 330 00:25:51,333 --> 00:25:54,250 I'm sorry, honey. They're playing hardball. 331 00:25:54,250 --> 00:25:56,917 If you don't pay up, they're gonna walk. 332 00:26:01,959 --> 00:26:04,625 Fuck! 333 00:26:04,625 --> 00:26:07,625 Of course I'm gonna pay the ransom. 334 00:26:07,625 --> 00:26:13,583 I just didn't want to encourage those underworld criminals. 335 00:26:13,583 --> 00:26:16,583 But now I want Willard home again with me. 336 00:26:16,583 --> 00:26:20,667 The old hag is coughing up! 337 00:26:20,667 --> 00:26:23,708 Thank you, Miss Crook. And thank you Hillary for kicking her ass. 338 00:26:23,708 --> 00:26:26,166 I'm free! 339 00:26:26,166 --> 00:26:29,166 We are millionaires! Millionaires! 340 00:26:29,166 --> 00:26:32,500 Anybody here? Hello? 341 00:26:34,667 --> 00:26:37,000 Hey, what can I do for you? 342 00:26:37,000 --> 00:26:39,000 Are you Rusty P. Hayes? 343 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:42,333 Yes, I am. Can I interest you in my shrimp boat special? 344 00:26:42,333 --> 00:26:46,208 No, I'm here investigating the kidnapping of Willard Fillmore. 345 00:26:46,208 --> 00:26:50,333 - Who? - You must have read about him. 346 00:26:50,333 --> 00:26:52,959 I don't read newspapers. 347 00:26:52,959 --> 00:26:55,000 We thought you might know him. 348 00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:58,041 We were going through Mr. Fillmore's belongings, 349 00:26:58,041 --> 00:27:02,792 and we found this, uh, chicken dinner special punch card. 350 00:27:02,792 --> 00:27:06,917 Oh, really. Oh, yeah, this guy. 351 00:27:06,917 --> 00:27:09,708 I was wondering what happened to him. He was kidnapped. 352 00:27:09,708 --> 00:27:12,708 Look. When he came in here, did he, uh, 353 00:27:12,708 --> 00:27:17,166 ever do anything unusual that would draw attention to him? 354 00:27:17,166 --> 00:27:22,208 Well, one time I seen him eat 50 chicken gizzards all by himself. 355 00:27:22,208 --> 00:27:27,250 - Oh. - Look, if you come across anything that might help us, 356 00:27:27,250 --> 00:27:29,333 give me a call. Sure. 357 00:27:29,333 --> 00:27:34,041 I hate loose ends, and I want this case to end. 358 00:27:51,083 --> 00:27:54,083 I was so scared, I thought I was gonna pee in my pants. 359 00:27:54,083 --> 00:27:56,417 He knows something. He had a funny look on his face. 360 00:27:56,417 --> 00:28:00,166 Why'd you have to tell him so much? I didn't tell him nothing. 361 00:28:00,166 --> 00:28:02,583 All I told him was about the time you ate 50 chicken gizzards. 362 00:28:02,583 --> 00:28:06,417 That wasn't me. That was some Chinese guy. 363 00:28:06,417 --> 00:28:08,583 Oh, Fong did do that, didn't he? 364 00:28:08,583 --> 00:28:10,625 I'm telling you we got problems. 365 00:28:10,625 --> 00:28:12,708 That evil Kojak hates loose ends. 366 00:28:12,708 --> 00:28:15,792 And when they pay and I don't show up, that's a loose end. 367 00:28:15,792 --> 00:28:19,625 He'll go nuts. But you'll be someplace nice, like Jamaica. 368 00:28:19,625 --> 00:28:22,583 Yeah, well, he'll track me there. Hey, hey, wait a minute. 369 00:28:22,583 --> 00:28:25,333 What if we fooled them and made them think I was dead? 370 00:28:25,333 --> 00:28:28,083 Like, uh, like maybe if we borrowed a corpse. 371 00:28:28,083 --> 00:28:31,750 Hey, don't we know somebody who knows somebody who works at the morgue? 372 00:28:31,750 --> 00:28:35,125 Hillary. Yeah, Hillary used to live across the street... 373 00:28:35,125 --> 00:28:37,667 from a fat dude who was in the army with this guy who worked at the morgue. 374 00:28:37,667 --> 00:28:40,375 Oh, I forgot it was Hillary. 375 00:28:40,375 --> 00:28:43,125 Oh, yeah, you can't hit her up, man. 376 00:28:43,125 --> 00:28:45,083 She just walked a picket line for you. 377 00:29:02,834 --> 00:29:05,792 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 378 00:29:05,792 --> 00:29:07,875 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 379 00:29:07,875 --> 00:29:10,041 I never thought I'd see you again, and here you are. 380 00:29:10,041 --> 00:29:13,750 I brought you flowers. Oh, my God. 381 00:29:13,750 --> 00:29:15,917 Wow. You're such a class act. 382 00:29:15,917 --> 00:29:18,875 You get ransomed, then you buy me flowers. 383 00:29:18,875 --> 00:29:23,000 Well, I didn't get ransomed, per se. 384 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:27,333 Did you escape? No, I didn't escape literally. 385 00:29:32,291 --> 00:29:36,333 - Aah! - Shit. 386 00:29:39,917 --> 00:29:42,375 Where'd they go? 387 00:29:48,041 --> 00:29:50,083 All right, how did you do it? 388 00:29:50,083 --> 00:29:51,917 It was really no problem. 389 00:29:51,917 --> 00:29:54,166 I told her the truth, we had a little sex, 390 00:29:54,166 --> 00:29:56,208 she told me the guy's name, Grover. 391 00:29:56,208 --> 00:30:00,000 Damn. Did all that in ten minutes. 392 00:30:03,333 --> 00:30:05,375 Ooh, spooky. 393 00:30:40,250 --> 00:30:42,333 Grover? 394 00:30:42,333 --> 00:30:45,208 Grover. 395 00:30:45,208 --> 00:30:47,583 Hmm? 396 00:30:50,583 --> 00:30:53,041 Hey, what are you doing? Get away from that. 397 00:30:53,041 --> 00:30:57,625 I'm-- I'm sorry. Oh, it's just a rock. 398 00:30:57,625 --> 00:30:59,875 Oh, it's not just a rock. 399 00:31:02,583 --> 00:31:04,583 It's a pet rock. 400 00:31:04,583 --> 00:31:07,041 Oh, jeez, a pet rock. 401 00:31:07,041 --> 00:31:09,250 Man, I haven't seen one of these in years. 402 00:31:09,250 --> 00:31:12,166 Yeah. I just dug it out of his colon. 403 00:31:12,166 --> 00:31:16,000 - Aah! - Oh. 404 00:31:16,000 --> 00:31:20,125 Yeah, yeah, it's still warm. 405 00:31:20,125 --> 00:31:22,750 I got a whole collection. 406 00:31:22,750 --> 00:31:26,041 Yeah, it's-- it's really amazing... 407 00:31:26,041 --> 00:31:30,041 what you dig out of the inside of dead people when you cut them open. 408 00:31:30,041 --> 00:31:32,792 People swallow everything. Here's some dice. 409 00:31:33,792 --> 00:31:36,041 The guy must have been to Vegas. 410 00:31:36,041 --> 00:31:39,291 Yeah, got all kinds of stuff here. 411 00:31:39,291 --> 00:31:42,667 This beautiful harmonica. 412 00:31:42,667 --> 00:31:45,792 Oh, oh, don't put that in your mouth. 413 00:31:45,792 --> 00:31:49,291 This is interesting here. Ah, yes. 414 00:31:49,291 --> 00:31:53,708 You gotta go in that way. It couldn't have gone it this way. 415 00:31:53,708 --> 00:31:55,959 He would have noticed. A broom. 416 00:31:58,333 --> 00:32:00,375 Oh. 417 00:32:00,375 --> 00:32:04,208 Oop! Where'd it go? 418 00:32:04,208 --> 00:32:08,625 Ooh, forget about it. Oh, he's dead, and then you find it. 419 00:32:08,625 --> 00:32:11,000 You know, it's all kinds of stuff like that. 420 00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:14,917 Oh, this is good. Yeah. This is a clicker. 421 00:32:14,917 --> 00:32:18,083 Hey, honey, where's the clicker? 422 00:32:18,083 --> 00:32:20,583 I don't know. 423 00:32:20,583 --> 00:32:24,500 Inside me. Here. Look at this. 424 00:32:24,500 --> 00:32:27,250 A perfectly good comb. 425 00:32:27,250 --> 00:32:30,834 Grover, how would you like to make $100,000? 426 00:32:33,000 --> 00:32:36,542 That's a lot of cheese. What do I got to do? 427 00:32:36,542 --> 00:32:41,041 Well, I want... people to think that I'm dead. 428 00:32:43,375 --> 00:32:45,333 Dead? 429 00:32:45,333 --> 00:32:47,542 Yeah, you just take one of those dead bodies... 430 00:32:47,542 --> 00:32:50,000 and dress it up like my man Willard here, 431 00:32:50,000 --> 00:32:52,083 and when they find it, they think it's him. 432 00:32:52,083 --> 00:32:54,875 Oh, oh, you think it's that easy? 433 00:32:54,875 --> 00:32:57,041 I can just take up any old body and give it to you? 434 00:32:57,041 --> 00:32:59,333 I-I got filing slips. 435 00:32:59,333 --> 00:33:02,208 My bodies are catalogued. This is a tight ship. 436 00:33:02,208 --> 00:33:05,708 Uh, why don't you just take some old bum that nobody would notice? 437 00:33:05,708 --> 00:33:07,750 A bum? Hmm. 438 00:33:07,750 --> 00:33:10,291 Come on, man. If you do it, there's a hundred grand in it for you. 439 00:33:10,291 --> 00:33:14,291 - Will it show up on my W-2? - No. No, tax-free. 440 00:33:14,291 --> 00:33:16,500 Okay, good. Because why should my money... 441 00:33:16,500 --> 00:33:18,500 go to pave roads and build schools? 442 00:33:18,500 --> 00:33:22,041 Yeah, good point. Listen. This is the plan. 443 00:33:22,041 --> 00:33:26,083 Dump the body tomorrow night and make sure you get somebody that looks like me, okay? 444 00:33:26,083 --> 00:33:28,125 No problem. Piece of cake. 445 00:33:28,125 --> 00:33:31,208 Now, here's some clothes of mine that you can put on him. 446 00:33:31,208 --> 00:33:33,708 And, uh, I got my driver's license. 447 00:33:33,708 --> 00:33:36,166 You put that in his pocket. Yes. 448 00:33:36,166 --> 00:33:37,750 And, uh, here's some jewelry. 449 00:33:37,750 --> 00:33:41,417 Jewelry. Oh, those are nice. 450 00:33:44,166 --> 00:33:47,041 Oh, whoa, whoa, wait a minute. 451 00:33:47,041 --> 00:33:49,417 Isn't this suit kind of ratty? 452 00:33:49,417 --> 00:33:52,667 Ain't it gonna be degrading for a dead man to have to wear this trash? 453 00:33:52,667 --> 00:33:54,583 Just do it. 454 00:33:54,583 --> 00:33:58,834 All right. All right. I'll do it. 455 00:33:58,834 --> 00:34:02,250 Miss Crock, I just want to thank you... 456 00:34:02,250 --> 00:34:04,750 for agreeing to pay the ransom. 457 00:34:06,083 --> 00:34:08,000 'Cause most folks-- 458 00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:11,208 most folks just don't appreciate the work we cops do. 459 00:34:13,291 --> 00:34:16,083 - Virginia. - Hmm? What? 460 00:34:16,083 --> 00:34:21,208 Willard, bring in our guests some coffee. 461 00:34:21,208 --> 00:34:24,417 Willard! 462 00:34:24,417 --> 00:34:27,291 - Willard? - What's that? 463 00:34:27,291 --> 00:34:29,667 I don't know. 464 00:34:34,333 --> 00:34:37,083 The cover page is from Pick 'N Shop. 465 00:34:40,125 --> 00:34:42,166 It's from the kidnappers. 466 00:34:42,166 --> 00:34:46,000 "Miss Crock, bring the cash to Three Rivers Stadium at 10 p.m. 467 00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:50,625 No cops or the chauffeur dies." No cops? 468 00:34:50,625 --> 00:34:54,667 What if those bums run off with my money? Don't worry, ma'am. 469 00:34:54,667 --> 00:34:59,792 That ballpark is so gigantic, we're gonna be able to hide a million cops in there. 470 00:34:59,792 --> 00:35:01,667 I thought these guys were smart, 471 00:35:01,667 --> 00:35:04,125 but they're in way over their heads. 472 00:35:12,166 --> 00:35:16,208 You think those cops are gonna show up at the stadium? 473 00:35:16,208 --> 00:35:20,834 You kiddin' me, man? It's gonna be like rush hour at Dunkin' Donuts. 474 00:35:20,834 --> 00:35:22,875 Yeah. 475 00:35:22,875 --> 00:35:25,625 I'll be waiting for you in the runway lounge. 476 00:35:25,625 --> 00:35:28,375 - Don't forget. The flight's at midnight. - then, tomorrow, 477 00:35:28,375 --> 00:35:30,291 we'll be lying on the beach. 478 00:35:30,291 --> 00:35:33,375 - Sipping margaritas. - Smoking a fatty. 479 00:35:37,125 --> 00:35:41,542 This is the most distressful day of my life. 480 00:35:41,542 --> 00:35:44,250 Do we have to pay them all the money? 481 00:35:44,250 --> 00:35:48,500 I mean, couldn't we, I don't know, sort of shortchange them a little? 482 00:35:48,500 --> 00:35:50,500 Virginia, bite the bullet. 483 00:35:50,500 --> 00:35:53,333 I'm sure your tax men will figure a way to write it off. 484 00:35:54,750 --> 00:35:58,083 Hmm. That's a lot of green. 485 00:36:00,875 --> 00:36:05,750 Jesus Christ, what the hell is the wheel doing on this side of the car? 486 00:36:05,750 --> 00:36:10,750 God almighty. I don't know how poor Willard ever put up with this shit. 487 00:36:17,458 --> 00:36:19,750 - Hello? - This is the kidnapper. 488 00:36:19,750 --> 00:36:22,583 - How did you get my number? - Shut up. There's been a change in plan. 489 00:36:22,583 --> 00:36:24,583 Don't go to no stadium. 490 00:36:24,583 --> 00:36:26,917 I gotta go to the stadium. 491 00:36:26,917 --> 00:36:31,125 You're not gonna do nothing until I tell you to, you smelly old bitch. 492 00:36:31,125 --> 00:36:35,083 Now listen. You meet me at midtown park. 493 00:36:35,083 --> 00:36:37,333 That place isn't safe after dark. 494 00:36:37,333 --> 00:36:41,083 Oh, cork it. I'll see you there in ten minutes. 495 00:36:46,875 --> 00:36:48,917 Quick, get me the police! 496 00:36:48,917 --> 00:36:52,542 I'm still here! 497 00:36:52,542 --> 00:36:56,792 Try any more games like that, and I'll put a bullet right through Willard's head. 498 00:37:27,417 --> 00:37:29,458 Give me the money! 499 00:37:29,458 --> 00:37:32,542 Oh, you're the kidnapper. 500 00:37:32,542 --> 00:37:35,291 You no-good hooligan! 501 00:37:35,291 --> 00:37:38,708 You decimate my house. 502 00:37:38,708 --> 00:37:41,500 You violate my public goodwill. 503 00:37:41,500 --> 00:37:46,125 And why? Why me? What did I ever do to you? 504 00:37:46,125 --> 00:37:50,208 - Gimme the money! - You oughta be ashamed of yourself. 505 00:37:50,208 --> 00:37:54,166 Does your mother know the kind of work that you do? 506 00:37:54,166 --> 00:37:58,291 Don't you ever stop talking? Gimme the money! 507 00:37:58,291 --> 00:38:03,208 Gimme the money. 508 00:38:03,208 --> 00:38:05,625 Now I expect you to return Willard... 509 00:38:05,625 --> 00:38:08,625 in exactly the same condition he was in. 510 00:38:08,625 --> 00:38:10,583 He was a strong worker, 511 00:38:10,583 --> 00:38:13,000 and he had good teeth. 512 00:38:14,708 --> 00:38:16,875 I got the money! I got the money! 513 00:38:16,875 --> 00:38:19,291 Ha ha! I gotta buy Hillary a nice dinner. 514 00:38:19,291 --> 00:38:21,375 Yeah, and I'm gonna buy my mom a new headstone. 515 00:38:21,375 --> 00:38:23,917 Yeah, one with her name on it and everything! 516 00:38:23,917 --> 00:38:27,166 I got the money! Mister. 517 00:38:27,166 --> 00:38:30,542 Hey, mister. What's in the suitcase? 518 00:38:30,542 --> 00:38:33,708 - Get away from me. - Hey, mister. What's in the suitcase? 519 00:38:33,708 --> 00:38:36,041 - Hand it over. - Get away from me, you little shit. 520 00:38:36,041 --> 00:38:39,041 - Mister, what's in the suitcase? - Show us some respect. 521 00:38:39,041 --> 00:38:43,125 - What's in the suitcase? - Hand it over. I don't like your attitude. 522 00:38:43,125 --> 00:38:45,542 Ah, take a hike. Hey! 523 00:38:46,875 --> 00:38:49,083 Ow, Jesus Christ! 524 00:38:49,083 --> 00:38:50,917 Harder! 525 00:38:50,917 --> 00:38:54,500 - Oh! - Zap him! 526 00:38:54,500 --> 00:38:57,250 Aah! 527 00:39:00,250 --> 00:39:03,083 Oh. 528 00:39:05,208 --> 00:39:09,375 You can't let 'em down now. You can't let 'em down. 529 00:39:13,250 --> 00:39:15,875 Yeah, let's see. 530 00:39:21,875 --> 00:39:23,875 No. 531 00:39:41,417 --> 00:39:43,917 Nah. That's no good. 532 00:39:55,667 --> 00:39:58,083 Hmm. Oh. 533 00:39:59,291 --> 00:40:01,959 Not bad. 534 00:40:01,959 --> 00:40:03,959 Not bad. 535 00:40:10,583 --> 00:40:12,667 Uh-- 536 00:40:14,750 --> 00:40:17,291 Don't pay any attention to me. 537 00:40:17,291 --> 00:40:20,041 I'm just gonna take some work home. 538 00:40:20,041 --> 00:40:23,500 I'm very conscientious. 539 00:40:23,500 --> 00:40:26,125 I'll-- oh, boy. 540 00:40:28,041 --> 00:40:31,041 I'll go get it. 541 00:40:38,875 --> 00:40:41,125 Wake up. 542 00:40:41,125 --> 00:40:44,208 Where am I? What is this? What's going on here? 543 00:40:44,208 --> 00:40:48,542 The police found you beat up in the park. 544 00:40:48,542 --> 00:40:50,792 But, of course, those incompetents... 545 00:40:50,792 --> 00:40:53,959 let the kidnappers get away with my money. 546 00:40:53,959 --> 00:40:56,000 So, I was in the park, 547 00:40:56,000 --> 00:40:59,166 and-- and they got away with the five million-- 548 00:40:59,166 --> 00:41:03,875 You owe me, and you're going to work off that ransom... 549 00:41:03,875 --> 00:41:08,875 until the day Jesus calls you home. 550 00:41:12,500 --> 00:41:14,542 Just the chunk light in spring water, 551 00:41:14,542 --> 00:41:16,667 not in olive oil, and a Diet Coke. 552 00:41:16,667 --> 00:41:20,542 Got it. Oh, there you are, as I live and breathe. 553 00:41:20,542 --> 00:41:23,500 Pittsburgh's finest. I'm truly sorry, ma'am. 554 00:41:23,500 --> 00:41:27,750 But if it's any consolation, we had every inch of that stadium covered. 555 00:41:27,750 --> 00:41:32,083 We had snipers. Who-o-o cares? 556 00:41:33,500 --> 00:41:36,542 Would you do me a favor? 557 00:41:36,542 --> 00:41:42,625 Find... my... cash. 558 00:41:42,625 --> 00:41:44,792 I gotta get outta here. 559 00:41:52,708 --> 00:41:54,875 Aah! 560 00:41:59,583 --> 00:42:03,959 Mr. Fillmore, I, uh, 561 00:42:03,959 --> 00:42:06,083 I was wondering if I could have a few words with you. 562 00:42:06,083 --> 00:42:09,917 Sure, of course. How can I-- how can I help you? 563 00:42:09,917 --> 00:42:14,625 I wonder, Mr. Fillmore-- Mr. Fillmore-- 564 00:42:14,625 --> 00:42:18,166 Mr. Fillmore, I wonder if you would, uh, 565 00:42:18,166 --> 00:42:20,458 give me a description of the kidnappers? 566 00:42:20,458 --> 00:42:25,625 The kidnappers. Well, I-I never actually saw the kidnappers that well... 567 00:42:25,625 --> 00:42:29,291 because I was, uh, I was kept blindfolded. 568 00:42:29,291 --> 00:42:31,166 - Blindfolded. - Uh-huh. 569 00:42:31,166 --> 00:42:34,125 But you were not blindfolded on the video. 570 00:42:34,125 --> 00:42:36,125 No. No, I wasn't. 571 00:42:36,125 --> 00:42:38,708 Uh, no, I wasn't blindfolded on the video, you see, 572 00:42:38,708 --> 00:42:42,792 but I didn't see the kidnappers then either because, uh, uh, uh, 573 00:42:42,792 --> 00:42:47,208 they hired a TV crew to shoot the video. 574 00:42:47,208 --> 00:42:51,000 Yeah, yeah, we did it in a vid-- in a studio with a crew. 575 00:42:58,208 --> 00:43:01,125 You got any Nuprin? 576 00:43:01,125 --> 00:43:04,834 No. Why? What happened in there? 577 00:43:04,834 --> 00:43:08,291 The bozo's covering for the kidnappers. 578 00:43:08,291 --> 00:43:10,500 I really gotta get out of here. 579 00:43:16,291 --> 00:43:18,708 Where do you think you're going? Rusty! 580 00:43:18,708 --> 00:43:20,875 Yeah, Rusty. Where you been? 581 00:43:20,875 --> 00:43:23,125 Rusty, the drop-off did not go as planned. 582 00:43:23,125 --> 00:43:25,166 Yeah, I concur, because the plan never mentioned... 583 00:43:25,166 --> 00:43:28,583 my best friend two-timing me. I didn't two-time you. 584 00:43:28,583 --> 00:43:31,333 Come on, man. "I'll do the drop all by myself, 585 00:43:31,333 --> 00:43:33,792 that way Rusty won't get in trouble." 586 00:43:33,792 --> 00:43:37,375 Where's the bag of money? Why ain't you at the airport? 587 00:43:37,375 --> 00:43:41,333 - What are you doing in a hospital, hmm? - A street gang took the money. 588 00:43:41,333 --> 00:43:44,041 Bullshit. You're ripping me off. 589 00:43:44,041 --> 00:43:48,083 I swear to God. It was these big muscle men in the park. 590 00:43:48,083 --> 00:43:51,458 They-- they beat me up, and they took the five million bucks. 591 00:43:51,458 --> 00:43:56,458 They had guns and tattoos and-- and they had those two sticks on a chain... 592 00:43:56,458 --> 00:43:58,708 that you swing and you hurt people with. 593 00:43:58,708 --> 00:44:00,834 You expect me to believe that you were mugged? 594 00:44:00,834 --> 00:44:03,375 Mugged? It was more like a rape. 595 00:44:05,834 --> 00:44:08,959 Well, not a real rape. 596 00:44:08,959 --> 00:44:12,125 Look, grand inquisitor, if you had ripped me off, 597 00:44:12,125 --> 00:44:15,667 would you barricade yourself in a hospital room with 20 cops outside? 598 00:44:16,708 --> 00:44:18,792 You make an interesting point. 599 00:44:18,792 --> 00:44:21,708 It's not imaginable that things could be more botched. 600 00:44:21,708 --> 00:44:25,542 Oh, yeah? What about Grover? 601 00:44:25,542 --> 00:44:30,250 Oh, no. That fruitcake's gonna be dumping my fake body. 602 00:44:32,125 --> 00:44:35,000 Hello. County morgue. Rita speaking. Can I help you? 603 00:44:35,000 --> 00:44:37,708 I'd like to speak to a Grover Cleaver. 604 00:44:37,708 --> 00:44:40,333 I'm sorry. Mr. Cleaver no longer works here. 605 00:44:40,333 --> 00:44:42,542 Bitch, what are you talking about? 606 00:44:44,500 --> 00:44:47,625 Mr. Cleaver quit yesterday. 607 00:44:47,625 --> 00:44:50,708 He said he was joining the super rich. 608 00:44:50,708 --> 00:44:52,083 Aah! 609 00:44:53,250 --> 00:44:55,250 Grover retired from the morgue. 610 00:44:55,250 --> 00:44:57,750 Too wealthy to hold a job. 611 00:44:57,750 --> 00:45:00,750 Man, we are no good at this. We gotta stop this guy. 612 00:45:00,750 --> 00:45:02,750 How? We don't know where to find him. 613 00:45:02,750 --> 00:45:04,959 Call Hillary. Hillary doesn't know him. 614 00:45:04,959 --> 00:45:07,250 She knew his name because he was in the army with that fat dude... 615 00:45:07,250 --> 00:45:09,250 who used to live across the street from her. 616 00:45:09,250 --> 00:45:12,792 Blah, blah, blah, blah. You're so defeatist. 617 00:45:12,792 --> 00:45:15,542 Fine. I'll track him down myself. 618 00:45:15,542 --> 00:45:18,500 If you did it, you'd probably muck it up anyway. 619 00:45:18,500 --> 00:45:22,667 The guy can't do anything right. Oh! 620 00:45:24,417 --> 00:45:27,583 Oh, d-detective. 621 00:45:27,583 --> 00:45:31,041 Mr. Hayes, what are you doing here? 622 00:45:31,041 --> 00:45:34,000 Huh? Well, I was, um, 623 00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:36,542 I'm visiting-- I'm visiting my Aunt Mabel. 624 00:45:36,542 --> 00:45:39,500 She's real-- she's real sick. 625 00:45:39,500 --> 00:45:43,250 She got polio and emphysema. All that shit together. 626 00:45:43,250 --> 00:45:45,208 It's-- it's gonna kill her. I swear. 627 00:45:45,208 --> 00:45:49,083 She, uh, she's staying in this room right here. I'm gonna go say hi. 628 00:45:55,333 --> 00:45:57,792 Aunt Mabel, come give me some sugar, girl. 629 00:46:00,333 --> 00:46:03,875 I told you don't listen to them doctors. No! 630 00:46:03,875 --> 00:46:06,959 Hey, Aunt Mabel! 631 00:46:06,959 --> 00:46:09,000 Okay, you're convulsing. You gotta relax. 632 00:46:09,000 --> 00:46:11,500 All right, Aunt Mabel! 633 00:46:11,500 --> 00:46:14,041 I'm gonna let you get some rest! Get some rest, Aunt Mabel! 634 00:46:14,041 --> 00:46:16,542 All right, give Uncle Gordon my love. 635 00:46:23,583 --> 00:46:25,291 Oh. 636 00:46:25,291 --> 00:46:29,792 That medicine got Aunt Mabel real irritable, man. She's crazy. 637 00:46:29,792 --> 00:46:32,333 She's normally a real sweetheart. 638 00:46:32,333 --> 00:46:34,166 Detective! 639 00:46:34,166 --> 00:46:36,750 Detective, you're not gonna believe what's happened. 640 00:46:40,500 --> 00:46:42,875 We've just discovered a dead body. 641 00:46:42,875 --> 00:46:45,041 Oh, shit. 642 00:46:50,667 --> 00:46:53,542 They found the body! They found the body! 643 00:46:53,542 --> 00:46:57,083 Oh, my Lord. That dumb-ass Grover. 644 00:46:57,083 --> 00:46:59,250 He's the only one of us who follows directions. 645 00:46:59,250 --> 00:47:03,375 We're going to jail. We're going to jail. We're gonna be somebody's bitch. 646 00:47:03,375 --> 00:47:06,875 Maybe if we confess-- maybe if we confess, they'll go easy on us. 647 00:47:06,875 --> 00:47:10,208 Yeah. Yeah, maybe we'll just get community service. 648 00:47:10,208 --> 00:47:13,291 Or maybe they'll take us to one of those country club prisons. 649 00:47:13,291 --> 00:47:15,583 We'll talk stocks with bankers. 650 00:47:15,583 --> 00:47:19,458 - We could really make some connections. - You're insane. 651 00:47:19,458 --> 00:47:21,583 We're gonna be somebody's bitch. 652 00:47:27,291 --> 00:47:29,500 Willard. 653 00:47:29,500 --> 00:47:32,208 I have some shocking news. 654 00:47:32,208 --> 00:47:34,917 They found your kidnapper. Oh! 655 00:47:34,917 --> 00:47:39,041 You sure it was the kidnapper? 656 00:47:39,041 --> 00:47:41,000 Of course I'm sure. 657 00:47:41,000 --> 00:47:45,417 They found his dead body on the front steps of the Quaker Wax Museum. 658 00:47:45,417 --> 00:47:48,125 He was wearing all your clothes... 659 00:47:48,125 --> 00:47:51,458 and those divine cuff links I gave you. 660 00:47:51,458 --> 00:47:55,375 Any idea why the kidnapper would be wearing your clothes? 661 00:47:55,375 --> 00:47:57,792 Huh? Um, no. 662 00:47:59,708 --> 00:48:03,041 Any idea why the kidnapper would be dead? 663 00:48:03,041 --> 00:48:06,750 W-well, that kidnapping den was a real hothouse of emotion you know. 664 00:48:06,750 --> 00:48:09,291 Anything could have happened. 665 00:48:09,291 --> 00:48:13,792 Well, let's just hope that body isn't so ripped up that you can't identify it. 666 00:48:19,500 --> 00:48:22,500 Yep, that's the guy. No question. That's the kidnapper. 667 00:48:22,500 --> 00:48:24,792 - That's the guy? - Uh-huh. 668 00:48:26,458 --> 00:48:29,834 That's the guy who beat you up and held you prisoner? 669 00:48:29,834 --> 00:48:32,625 Uh, yeah, well, he was a lot more ferocious... 670 00:48:32,625 --> 00:48:35,417 back when he was, uh, alive. 671 00:48:35,417 --> 00:48:38,583 Ferocious? He's an old midget. 672 00:48:38,583 --> 00:48:42,166 Yeah, but he had a real low voice. You know, very intimidating. 673 00:48:42,166 --> 00:48:44,875 Uh, uh, "Put your hands behind your head. 674 00:48:44,875 --> 00:48:46,834 Get in the corner." That's him. 675 00:48:46,834 --> 00:48:51,125 That's him. I'd recognize that voice anywhere. 676 00:48:56,208 --> 00:48:59,166 Okay. Okay. 677 00:48:59,166 --> 00:49:03,583 Well, in some weird, screwy way that I will never understand, 678 00:49:03,583 --> 00:49:05,625 that is the kidnapper. 679 00:49:05,625 --> 00:49:07,583 I'm telling you, this whole thing stinks. 680 00:49:07,583 --> 00:49:09,708 That Fillmore and that Hayes, they're connected. 681 00:49:09,708 --> 00:49:11,583 Yeah, well, that midget was no tough guy. 682 00:49:11,583 --> 00:49:15,000 No shit, Sherlock. They are definitely hiding something or someone. 683 00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:18,792 Detective? Our 1-800 line produced an eyewitness. 684 00:49:18,792 --> 00:49:22,583 Meet Edgar Kettle. He saw the drop. 685 00:49:22,583 --> 00:49:27,000 Yeah, I saw the whole thing. The whole thing. 686 00:49:27,000 --> 00:49:29,750 Last night, I was in my check-cashing store. 687 00:49:29,750 --> 00:49:35,125 I look out, and I see a man toss a body onto the steps. 688 00:49:35,125 --> 00:49:38,375 - What kind of man? - Oh, he was ugly. 689 00:49:38,375 --> 00:49:40,333 Real ugly. 690 00:49:40,333 --> 00:49:42,708 Get me the sketch artist in here right now. 691 00:49:42,708 --> 00:49:45,041 This case is about to break. 692 00:49:45,875 --> 00:49:48,667 # 693 00:49:55,875 --> 00:49:58,542 That looks just like me. 694 00:49:58,542 --> 00:50:02,500 "Wanted. Crock kidnapping." 695 00:50:14,417 --> 00:50:16,625 Make this go away. 696 00:50:16,625 --> 00:50:20,875 Make this go away. Make this go away! 697 00:50:24,500 --> 00:50:27,083 Oh! 698 00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:50,125 I'm screwed! I'm screwed! I'm screwed! 699 00:50:51,625 --> 00:50:55,375 Willard, take away my salad plate. 700 00:50:55,375 --> 00:50:59,625 I'm ready for the second course! Yeah. 701 00:50:59,625 --> 00:51:02,917 "Stick with Miss Crock. You'll get ahead." 702 00:51:13,708 --> 00:51:16,667 Apologize to the man! Apologize for what you did! 703 00:51:16,667 --> 00:51:18,959 I'm sorry for misbehaving in the park. 704 00:51:18,959 --> 00:51:21,291 You better be! This is the man you wronged, Tito? 705 00:51:21,291 --> 00:51:24,291 Now, give him back what you took from him. Here it is, mister. 706 00:51:24,291 --> 00:51:28,792 - I didn't even open it. - That's 'cause you couldn't, liar! It was locked! 707 00:51:28,792 --> 00:51:32,166 Soon as I noticed the address on the luggage tag, we drove it straight over her. 708 00:51:32,166 --> 00:51:34,792 Oh. Uh, thanks. 709 00:51:34,792 --> 00:51:37,667 Come on! Your hide has an appointment with my hand! 710 00:51:49,834 --> 00:51:52,667 Whoo! Yeah! Let's party! 711 00:51:54,291 --> 00:51:56,291 "Willard, clear my salad plate!" 712 00:51:56,291 --> 00:51:58,208 Yeah, well, lick me, you old bag! 713 00:51:58,208 --> 00:52:00,667 Your busboy's gone to Bermuda! 714 00:52:00,667 --> 00:52:03,125 We're going to Bali, so I can date her. 715 00:52:03,125 --> 00:52:06,291 - Yeah! - Get some Bali booty. 716 00:52:06,291 --> 00:52:08,834 # I'm gonna get some Bali booty # 717 00:52:11,375 --> 00:52:13,542 Hurry up! Hurry up! 718 00:52:15,750 --> 00:52:18,291 Come on! Come on! 719 00:52:18,291 --> 00:52:22,125 Hey! You can't park there! That's a tow-away zone! 720 00:52:22,125 --> 00:52:26,000 We ain't never comin' back. Go park it up your ass. 721 00:52:36,375 --> 00:52:38,500 Whoo-hoo! 722 00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:44,208 Excuse me. We'd like two tickets to Bali. 723 00:52:44,208 --> 00:52:47,208 First class. 724 00:52:47,208 --> 00:52:51,041 - And how will you be paying for that? - Oh, that's a good question. 725 00:52:51,041 --> 00:52:53,250 That hadn't really occurred to us, really. Well, I don't know. 726 00:52:53,250 --> 00:52:56,125 How about this? Cash! Cash! 727 00:53:00,000 --> 00:53:02,750 Uh-oh. Oh. 728 00:53:02,750 --> 00:53:06,625 - Don't worry, we got money. - Back off there, lady. 729 00:53:10,166 --> 00:53:12,083 There's no money! Oh! 730 00:53:12,083 --> 00:53:15,583 There's no money. Miss Crock double-crossed us! The old crow never paid! 731 00:53:15,583 --> 00:53:17,583 She didn't care if I lived or died! 732 00:53:17,583 --> 00:53:19,834 She just ransomed me with cabbage! 733 00:53:19,834 --> 00:53:21,834 The white zone is for... 734 00:53:21,834 --> 00:53:23,917 the immediate loading and unloading of passengers. 735 00:53:28,000 --> 00:53:30,083 I told you not to park there. 736 00:53:34,667 --> 00:53:38,208 She double-crossed us. We'll triple-cross her. 737 00:53:38,208 --> 00:53:40,291 But this time, we'll kidnap Miss Crock... 738 00:53:40,291 --> 00:53:42,917 like I said we do in the first place. 739 00:53:42,917 --> 00:53:44,959 Nah, man, it's over. 740 00:53:56,792 --> 00:54:01,583 Hey, listen, sorry I had to leave so, you know, quickly the other day. 741 00:54:01,583 --> 00:54:03,875 That's all right, speedy. 742 00:54:03,875 --> 00:54:06,708 I know you had a crime wave to get to. 743 00:54:06,708 --> 00:54:12,125 So what do you need tonight, dynamite? Nitro? A getaway driver, maybe? 744 00:54:12,125 --> 00:54:15,834 No, no, no. None of that. Our gang's gone straight. 745 00:54:15,834 --> 00:54:20,458 All I need now is a-- a new life. 746 00:54:24,834 --> 00:54:27,291 Willard, answer the door. 747 00:54:27,291 --> 00:54:28,959 Willard! 748 00:54:28,959 --> 00:54:31,500 Oh, God. 749 00:54:31,500 --> 00:54:34,291 Honest to God, he kills me. 750 00:54:34,291 --> 00:54:36,500 His father never would have goofed off like this. 751 00:54:36,500 --> 00:54:39,458 He's never around when-- I'm coming! 752 00:54:42,708 --> 00:54:46,166 - Who the hell are you? - Who the hell are you? 753 00:54:46,166 --> 00:54:48,917 This is who the hell I am! Huh? 754 00:54:48,917 --> 00:54:51,458 I'm wanted by every cop in Pittsburgh! 755 00:54:51,458 --> 00:54:55,000 I don't even know what I did wrong! Oh, my God. 756 00:54:55,000 --> 00:54:58,959 You're the son of a bitch who's got my money! 757 00:54:58,959 --> 00:55:01,458 What money? I never got no hundred grand. 758 00:55:01,458 --> 00:55:03,875 A hundred grand, my ass! 759 00:55:03,875 --> 00:55:07,041 - It was five million big ones! - What are you, batty? 760 00:55:07,041 --> 00:55:10,125 The deal was for a hundred thou. What deal? 761 00:55:10,125 --> 00:55:12,834 You ripped me off! Oh, yeah? 762 00:55:16,750 --> 00:55:19,417 Good shot, huh? 763 00:55:19,417 --> 00:55:21,834 Would you get the hell out of my house? 764 00:55:21,834 --> 00:55:23,917 No! Where's Willard? 765 00:55:23,917 --> 00:55:26,333 No, no, no. Wh-where's Willard? Where is he? 766 00:55:26,333 --> 00:55:29,208 You want Willard? I'll get him. Please-- Don't-don't do that to me! 767 00:55:29,208 --> 00:55:32,166 You think I'm stupid? You think I'm stupid? I'll get him! I'll get him! 768 00:55:32,166 --> 00:55:35,208 You sons of bitches ain't ripping me off no more! Holy shit! 769 00:55:35,208 --> 00:55:38,875 - Go on! - Oh, my God! Help me! 770 00:55:40,750 --> 00:55:44,041 - Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph! - Come here, sweetie pie! 771 00:55:44,041 --> 00:55:46,667 - Oh, God! - I got ya! 772 00:55:46,667 --> 00:55:50,959 I got ya. Watch your head. 773 00:55:53,625 --> 00:55:56,417 Come on! 774 00:55:57,625 --> 00:56:00,792 Muffin! Muffin, attack! 775 00:56:00,792 --> 00:56:02,959 Muffin! 776 00:56:04,083 --> 00:56:06,083 Nice doggie. 777 00:56:07,750 --> 00:56:10,375 Please, attack! 778 00:56:11,750 --> 00:56:14,750 Come on, lady! 779 00:56:18,041 --> 00:56:20,125 Miss Crock, I got news for you! 780 00:56:20,125 --> 00:56:22,083 I'm quitting! 781 00:56:23,917 --> 00:56:25,917 Miss Crock, where are you? 782 00:56:25,917 --> 00:56:29,458 Hey, Miss Crock! I got some news for you, whore! 783 00:56:29,458 --> 00:56:32,542 I'm packing up and moving out of this dump! 784 00:56:32,542 --> 00:56:34,458 That's right, you heard me! 785 00:56:34,458 --> 00:56:36,625 Good-bye, pie hag! 786 00:56:40,166 --> 00:56:42,417 Where's she at? 787 00:56:52,417 --> 00:56:54,542 Oh, my God. 788 00:56:54,542 --> 00:56:56,834 Grover stole my idea. 789 00:56:56,834 --> 00:56:59,959 Virginia! Where are you? We're late. 790 00:56:59,959 --> 00:57:02,834 Virginia, the party starts at 9:00. Are you ready? 791 00:57:04,500 --> 00:57:06,500 Hey. 792 00:57:06,500 --> 00:57:10,041 - What's going on here? - W-w-w-we were just turning down the sheets. 793 00:57:10,041 --> 00:57:12,208 - Where's Miss Crock? - Huh? 794 00:57:12,208 --> 00:57:16,041 Who are you? What's that note in your hand? 795 00:57:21,625 --> 00:57:23,917 What'd you do that for? 796 00:57:23,917 --> 00:57:26,250 I was scared. 797 00:57:26,250 --> 00:57:30,500 - What do we do now? - Run! 798 00:57:30,500 --> 00:57:35,000 This is so bad! Oh! Jesus forgive me! 799 00:57:43,000 --> 00:57:45,041 Help. Police. 800 00:57:45,041 --> 00:57:47,542 That stupid Grover! 801 00:57:47,542 --> 00:57:49,792 What kind of kidnapper uses his own stationery? 802 00:57:49,792 --> 00:57:51,875 You know they're gonna catch him. 803 00:57:51,875 --> 00:57:55,083 And when they do, he's gonna blab all about us! 804 00:57:59,417 --> 00:58:02,834 Oh, my God! They're hunting us down! 805 00:58:06,708 --> 00:58:09,458 Stop! This is the police! 806 00:58:09,458 --> 00:58:13,625 - No shit! - Let's jump that fence! 807 00:58:13,625 --> 00:58:17,542 I'm gettin' a charley horse! I gotta start workin' out! 808 00:58:23,583 --> 00:58:25,917 Freeze! You're under arrest! 809 00:58:27,625 --> 00:58:30,959 Details are sketchy, but in a twist stranger than bizarre, 810 00:58:30,959 --> 00:58:33,917 Miss Virginia Crock herself has been kidnapped. 811 00:58:33,917 --> 00:58:36,000 Oh, my God. 812 00:58:36,000 --> 00:58:39,208 Snowball, baby, let me in! 813 00:58:39,208 --> 00:58:41,375 Open up! 814 00:58:43,583 --> 00:58:46,875 Have you heard the news? Yes, I know. It's terrible. 815 00:58:49,583 --> 00:58:51,917 Roger, what are we gonna do? I don't know. 816 00:58:51,917 --> 00:58:54,834 But this is not our fault. You said it wouldn't hurt anyone! 817 00:58:54,834 --> 00:58:58,250 You said if we switched the ransom money with cabbage, nothing would happen. 818 00:58:58,250 --> 00:59:02,083 The kidnappers would be stuck! All I meant was they couldn't complain to the police. 819 00:59:02,083 --> 00:59:04,834 Yeah! Now we've pissed them off! 820 00:59:04,834 --> 00:59:07,834 You deserve that money. She's been a figurehead for years. 821 00:59:07,834 --> 00:59:11,291 Oh, stop it! You're the only one that's been holding that bakery together. 822 00:59:11,291 --> 00:59:13,250 I had to. She's out of her mind. 823 00:59:13,250 --> 00:59:19,083 Exactly. So, why don't we just let the kidnappers keep her? 824 00:59:21,458 --> 00:59:24,375 Get me out of here! 825 00:59:24,375 --> 00:59:27,667 I was framed! I got a medical condition! 826 00:59:27,667 --> 00:59:29,708 All right, Fillmore. Time to talk. 827 00:59:29,708 --> 00:59:31,917 My dick hurts! 828 00:59:36,125 --> 00:59:40,792 I want the truth. Now, what's your connection to Rusty P. Hayes? 829 00:59:40,792 --> 00:59:43,875 I've known Rusty my whole life. Our mothers were in church choir together. 830 00:59:43,875 --> 00:59:47,291 I don't even know this chauffeur guy, all right? 831 00:59:47,291 --> 00:59:50,333 The first time I seen him was in my restaurant two weeks ago. 832 00:59:50,333 --> 00:59:53,291 Last night, like every week, I called up Rusty... 833 00:59:53,291 --> 00:59:55,667 and I told him to come over and watch Monday Night Football. 834 00:59:55,667 --> 00:59:57,792 Last night was Thursday. 835 00:59:57,792 --> 01:00:02,583 Oh. Yeah. I'm sorry. It wasn't Monday Night Football. It was Oprah. 836 01:00:02,583 --> 01:00:05,542 Last night, I get this call to make a delivery... 837 01:00:05,542 --> 01:00:07,667 to this Wilbur guy. 838 01:00:07,667 --> 01:00:10,417 - So-- - You mean Willard. 839 01:00:10,417 --> 01:00:12,875 Yeah, right, right. Willard. 840 01:00:12,875 --> 01:00:17,917 So anyway, I drive up to this mansion in my chicken delivery truck. 841 01:00:17,917 --> 01:00:22,291 You know your truck was impounded at the airport earlier that day? 842 01:00:22,291 --> 01:00:24,250 It was? 843 01:00:24,250 --> 01:00:27,917 Oh, yeah, right, right. No, I was on foot. 844 01:00:27,917 --> 01:00:31,542 Anyways, the doorbell rings, and it's the kidnappers! 845 01:00:31,542 --> 01:00:35,041 So, so, uh, they started chasing us. 846 01:00:35,041 --> 01:00:37,542 And then Miss Crock, I remember she showed up. 847 01:00:37,542 --> 01:00:41,500 She ran in, and she'd just been-- just been taking a bath, so she was nude. 848 01:00:41,500 --> 01:00:44,041 Of course, naturally, this upset everybody. 849 01:00:44,041 --> 01:00:46,500 Gunshots started goin' off, man. 850 01:00:46,500 --> 01:00:49,125 The windows was explodin'. I heard screamin'. 851 01:00:49,125 --> 01:00:51,834 So I run to my truck as fast as I can. 852 01:00:51,834 --> 01:00:56,083 I mean, I run away... because I was scared. 853 01:00:56,083 --> 01:01:01,333 Chip Oswald says you hit him over the head with a desk lamp. 854 01:01:01,333 --> 01:01:03,291 Huh? 855 01:01:03,291 --> 01:01:05,583 No, no, he's mistaken. 856 01:01:05,583 --> 01:01:07,542 He's mistaken. That-that was not me. 857 01:01:07,542 --> 01:01:11,667 So Rusty's got this desk lamp, and he's beating the hell out of Chip. 858 01:01:11,667 --> 01:01:14,500 And, uh, he's pounding him and pounding him. 859 01:01:14,500 --> 01:01:17,083 So I say, I say, 860 01:01:17,083 --> 01:01:21,125 "Rusty, that's not the kidnappers. That's Chip!" 861 01:01:21,125 --> 01:01:24,542 That's when the cops showed up and they distracted everybody, 862 01:01:24,542 --> 01:01:27,583 and, uh, the kidnappers got away. 863 01:01:27,583 --> 01:01:30,083 One final question. 864 01:01:31,083 --> 01:01:34,542 Let's forget all this other crap. 865 01:01:34,542 --> 01:01:37,250 Where is Miss Crock? 866 01:01:37,250 --> 01:01:41,917 - I don't know. - Who is Miss Crock? 867 01:01:44,708 --> 01:01:46,750 Come on. Open your mouth. 868 01:01:46,750 --> 01:01:48,708 Come on. You want some food, Blackie? 869 01:01:48,708 --> 01:01:50,708 Come on. Eat some dinner. Yum, yum, yum. 870 01:01:50,708 --> 01:01:53,125 Come on. Eat it, Blackie. It's good. Look. 871 01:01:54,583 --> 01:01:58,500 Come on, Blackie. His name is Muffin. It is not Blackie. 872 01:01:58,500 --> 01:02:00,959 Hey, shut up! 873 01:02:00,959 --> 01:02:03,208 The dog's name is whatever I say it is... 874 01:02:03,208 --> 01:02:05,458 until somebody takes you off my hands. 875 01:02:05,458 --> 01:02:08,625 The sooner the better, poopy. The sooner the better! 876 01:02:08,625 --> 01:02:11,000 Yeah, go on. Yeah, go on. 877 01:02:11,000 --> 01:02:13,417 Help! 878 01:02:13,417 --> 01:02:16,625 # 879 01:02:16,625 --> 01:02:19,500 That's my favorite TV program. We're gonna watch it, Blackie. 880 01:02:19,500 --> 01:02:22,000 This is it. Ooh, look at that. Look at that. 881 01:02:22,000 --> 01:02:24,667 See that? Hmm? Hawaii Five-0. 882 01:02:24,667 --> 01:02:29,000 What do we got, Danno? Klaus Marburg. West German passport. 883 01:02:29,000 --> 01:02:31,125 How bad? How bad? 884 01:02:31,125 --> 01:02:33,125 Pretty bad. Went right through him. Any witnesses? 885 01:02:33,125 --> 01:02:35,667 Any witnesses? Yeah, lots of them. 886 01:02:35,667 --> 01:02:38,500 - Only one shot? - Only one shot? - Just one. 887 01:02:40,333 --> 01:02:42,834 He was hit just after he stepped off the ramp. 888 01:02:42,834 --> 01:02:46,834 Steve, take a look. Finished. 889 01:02:46,834 --> 01:02:50,458 What is your obsession with that guy? 890 01:02:50,458 --> 01:02:53,083 Hey! It's Jack Lord! 891 01:02:53,083 --> 01:02:56,250 I'm the vice president of his national fan club. 892 01:02:56,250 --> 01:02:58,125 Clam up, will ya? 893 01:03:03,250 --> 01:03:05,792 Hey, what are you, crazy? 894 01:03:07,500 --> 01:03:09,667 The show's not over yet. 895 01:03:09,667 --> 01:03:13,291 Give me that. 896 01:03:15,208 --> 01:03:18,041 - Excuse me. May I have your attention, please? - Oh, my God. 897 01:03:18,041 --> 01:03:20,708 I am pleased to announce that Miss Crock's bakery... 898 01:03:20,708 --> 01:03:23,166 is now merging with Copenhagen Snak Food. 899 01:03:23,166 --> 01:03:26,375 What the hell are you talking about? Additionally, 900 01:03:26,375 --> 01:03:30,208 in accordance with Miss Crock's established policy regarding kidnapping, 901 01:03:30,208 --> 01:03:33,291 we will not pay the ransom. 902 01:03:33,291 --> 01:03:37,250 I know Miss Crock will be proud of us standing behind her like this. 903 01:03:37,250 --> 01:03:40,667 Hey, wait a minute. I'm gonna get screwed on this deal. 904 01:03:42,583 --> 01:03:45,500 That's two dozen anthuriums. 905 01:03:51,250 --> 01:03:54,708 What? 906 01:03:54,708 --> 01:03:58,291 What did I do? Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph. 907 01:03:58,291 --> 01:04:02,291 I swear I'm innocent! No! No, please! Don't! 908 01:04:02,291 --> 01:04:06,417 Who's the crybaby? We just busted the guy. 909 01:04:06,417 --> 01:04:09,458 He was trying to pass the marked bills from the Fillmore kidnapping. 910 01:04:09,458 --> 01:04:11,750 Well, what do you know? 911 01:04:11,750 --> 01:04:14,750 The brains behind the operation. 912 01:04:14,750 --> 01:04:16,834 Hey, get me Fillmore and Hayes! 913 01:04:16,834 --> 01:04:19,708 Whatever you do, don't tell them about Grover. Why not? 914 01:04:19,708 --> 01:04:22,917 Because things are bad enough without us getting blamed for killing that old midget... 915 01:04:22,917 --> 01:04:25,875 at the wax museum. 916 01:04:25,875 --> 01:04:28,458 Maybe we should just tell them the truth. Yeah, right. 917 01:04:28,458 --> 01:04:31,708 Like they're gonna believe this all started 'cause we kidnapped Muffin's turd. 918 01:04:31,708 --> 01:04:35,917 There you are. Get in here! Sit down! 919 01:04:39,000 --> 01:04:42,834 All right, the days of dicking Dewey are over. 920 01:04:42,834 --> 01:04:47,959 We found the kidnapper. Your partner extraordinaire is in our custody. 921 01:04:47,959 --> 01:04:50,500 So tell me all about Roger. 922 01:04:51,875 --> 01:04:53,917 Who? 923 01:04:53,917 --> 01:04:55,792 Oh, no. 924 01:04:55,792 --> 01:04:58,083 You can't play those games anymore. 925 01:04:58,083 --> 01:05:01,917 We nailed him with marked bills. All that five million was traceable. 926 01:05:01,917 --> 01:05:04,125 What five million? Miss Crock never paid. 927 01:05:06,417 --> 01:05:09,291 What do you mean, she never paid? 928 01:05:09,291 --> 01:05:13,625 Uh-- uh-- I-I-I don't know. 929 01:05:13,625 --> 01:05:16,291 You just said Miss Crock never paid. 930 01:05:16,291 --> 01:05:18,166 What do you mean, she never paid? What do you mean? 931 01:05:18,166 --> 01:05:20,291 - I didn't say that. - You did say that. I just heard you say that. 932 01:05:20,291 --> 01:05:23,000 You said that. You said Miss Crock never paid. I didn't! 933 01:05:23,000 --> 01:05:27,667 - I wanna know what you meant by that. - I don't know. 934 01:05:27,667 --> 01:05:30,166 What did you mean by that? What did you mean, Miss Crock never paid? 935 01:05:30,166 --> 01:05:32,333 What did you mean by that? What did you mean by that? What did he mean by that? 936 01:05:37,667 --> 01:05:41,166 What the hell are you doing? That man's a cop! 937 01:05:41,166 --> 01:05:43,125 I was scared. 938 01:05:43,125 --> 01:05:47,000 Every time you're scared, you hit a guy with a desk lamp! 939 01:05:49,000 --> 01:05:51,542 I'm gettin' out of here. 940 01:05:57,792 --> 01:06:01,083 Who gave you the marked money? I don't know! 941 01:06:01,083 --> 01:06:03,917 It was change in a restaurant. 942 01:06:03,917 --> 01:06:08,917 If you don't tell us, you're spending three years in hard labor. 943 01:06:08,917 --> 01:06:10,834 It was Chip Oswald. 944 01:06:10,834 --> 01:06:13,500 Hey! 945 01:06:17,333 --> 01:06:19,500 Come on! 946 01:06:28,208 --> 01:06:31,500 Willard, this is a cop car. Should we really be taking a cop car? 947 01:06:32,542 --> 01:06:34,542 I'm gonna kill you! 948 01:06:34,542 --> 01:06:38,375 Put your ass to the gas! Go! Go, go, go, go, go! 949 01:06:41,542 --> 01:06:44,583 Where are we goin'? I don't know! 950 01:06:50,083 --> 01:06:52,667 Oh, shit. We're not making things any better. 951 01:06:52,667 --> 01:06:55,458 We gotta find Miss Crock and Grover and clear this whole thing up. 952 01:06:55,458 --> 01:06:58,083 How are we gonna do that, man? We don't know nothin' about the guy. 953 01:06:58,083 --> 01:07:01,667 We don't know where he lives, how to reach him. He's a complete mystery. 954 01:07:01,667 --> 01:07:04,417 Hold on. I got an idea. 955 01:07:06,750 --> 01:07:08,708 Directory assistance. What city, please? 956 01:07:08,708 --> 01:07:11,583 Pittsburgh. Grover Cleaver. 957 01:07:11,583 --> 01:07:14,000 Is that a business or residence? Uh, residence. 958 01:07:14,000 --> 01:07:15,917 Is that Kleaver with a "K"? 959 01:07:15,917 --> 01:07:20,083 No, with a "C," like cupcake. 960 01:07:20,083 --> 01:07:22,458 Thank you. Press 1 to be connected. 961 01:07:22,458 --> 01:07:25,417 Got it. 962 01:07:25,417 --> 01:07:27,708 # 963 01:07:27,708 --> 01:07:31,875 Aloha. You've reached the Jack Lord fan club. 964 01:07:31,875 --> 01:07:35,625 - I got the Jack Lord fan club. - The who? - For membership, send $25... 965 01:07:35,625 --> 01:07:37,834 to the Jack Lord fan club. 966 01:07:37,834 --> 01:07:40,625 Attention: Grover Cleaver. Wait! It's Grover! 967 01:07:40,625 --> 01:07:42,583 He lives at 910 Mabley Terrace. 968 01:07:42,583 --> 01:07:46,000 Mabley Terrace? That's a shitty neighborhood. 969 01:07:51,542 --> 01:07:53,959 Damn it! Turn around! 970 01:08:03,125 --> 01:08:05,917 Hey, we got away! 971 01:08:10,667 --> 01:08:12,625 As you can see from our skycam, 972 01:08:12,625 --> 01:08:14,959 they are traveling in a stolen police car. 973 01:08:14,959 --> 01:08:17,375 Again, to recap for those viewers just tuning in, 974 01:08:17,375 --> 01:08:21,917 less than 15 minutes ago the two key suspects in the Crock kidnapping... 975 01:08:21,917 --> 01:08:24,083 escaped from a downtown police station. 976 01:08:24,083 --> 01:08:26,500 We'll stay with this story until its conclusion. 977 01:08:29,667 --> 01:08:33,500 # 978 01:08:34,458 --> 01:08:36,667 Hi! 979 01:08:36,667 --> 01:08:39,000 Here we go. I got it all. 980 01:08:40,166 --> 01:08:42,291 Here it is. 981 01:08:43,375 --> 01:08:45,792 One box of Fixodent. 982 01:08:47,166 --> 01:08:51,041 One bag of prunes for the old chute. 983 01:08:53,208 --> 01:08:56,375 And four pounds of lamb and rice... 984 01:08:56,375 --> 01:08:58,208 dog chow! 985 01:08:58,208 --> 01:09:01,208 - That's for you. - Where's my Bengay? 986 01:09:01,208 --> 01:09:05,708 You forgot my Bengay, didn't you? You know my muscles get sore! 987 01:09:05,708 --> 01:09:09,667 "You know how sore my muscles get." Zip it, you nag! 988 01:09:09,667 --> 01:09:12,500 I wish I never met that dang chauffeur. 989 01:09:12,500 --> 01:09:14,708 Come on. 990 01:09:14,708 --> 01:09:18,708 The first rule of life, Blackie: never do no favors. 991 01:09:18,708 --> 01:09:21,000 You call kidnapping a man doing him a favor? 992 01:09:22,458 --> 01:09:25,333 I didn't kidnap that guy. He kidnapped himself. 993 01:09:27,041 --> 01:09:28,834 What did you say? 994 01:09:28,834 --> 01:09:32,083 Hmm? Uh-oh. 995 01:09:37,750 --> 01:09:40,708 You ain't gonna take me alive! 996 01:09:53,250 --> 01:09:54,750 Grover! 997 01:09:59,333 --> 01:10:01,458 Jesus Christ! Why is he shootin' at us? 998 01:10:01,458 --> 01:10:03,583 He thinks we're the police! 999 01:10:05,417 --> 01:10:09,834 Grover, we are not the police! We are not the police! 1000 01:10:09,834 --> 01:10:13,959 Oh, yeah! Tryin' to fool stupid Grover, huh? 1001 01:10:13,959 --> 01:10:16,500 I'll show ya! 1002 01:10:20,708 --> 01:10:23,583 Grover! Grover, it's us! 1003 01:10:23,583 --> 01:10:26,125 Don't shoot! 1004 01:10:26,125 --> 01:10:28,542 Oh, it's you guys. Come on up! 1005 01:10:28,542 --> 01:10:31,125 Hurry up! Hurry up! 1006 01:10:32,959 --> 01:10:36,667 Any word yet on that car? Yeah, it's been spotted on Mabley Terrace. 1007 01:10:36,667 --> 01:10:39,583 Mabley Terrace? Ah, Jesus. 1008 01:10:39,583 --> 01:10:41,917 I'm gonna need some backup. Let's go! 1009 01:10:41,917 --> 01:10:45,291 Grover, you have to let Miss Crock go, man! Grover! 1010 01:10:45,291 --> 01:10:47,542 Too much shit's goin' on. No way! 1011 01:10:47,542 --> 01:10:50,208 I'm out 18 bucks for groceries. What? 1012 01:10:50,208 --> 01:10:52,834 All right. Look, here's a twenty, all right? Yeah! 1013 01:10:52,834 --> 01:10:56,041 I can't break no twenty. Keep the change! 1014 01:10:56,041 --> 01:10:58,125 All right. 1015 01:10:59,583 --> 01:11:04,208 - Miss Crock, we're here to rescue you. - How dare you kidnap yourself! 1016 01:11:04,208 --> 01:11:06,250 Oh! 1017 01:11:06,250 --> 01:11:09,208 You tried to swindle me? 1018 01:11:09,208 --> 01:11:11,834 I am going to have your ass! 1019 01:11:11,834 --> 01:11:15,333 - Miss Crock, I'm sorry. - What nerve! 1020 01:11:15,333 --> 01:11:17,333 After all I've done for you. 1021 01:11:17,333 --> 01:11:22,125 I was under a lot of pressure, and-and I-- 1022 01:11:22,125 --> 01:11:25,458 After all you've done for me? 1023 01:11:26,834 --> 01:11:29,625 Oh! Oh! 1024 01:11:29,625 --> 01:11:33,917 Willard Fillmore, the building is surrounded! 1025 01:11:33,917 --> 01:11:36,959 What exactly, Miss Crock, did you ever do for me? 1026 01:11:36,959 --> 01:11:40,542 I've been your slave for 15 years! I worked my butt off! 1027 01:11:40,542 --> 01:11:44,583 And then when I got kidnapped, you wouldn't even pay the ransom money! 1028 01:11:44,583 --> 01:11:46,792 Well, after all, you-- 1029 01:11:46,792 --> 01:11:49,208 you were just a hired servant. 1030 01:11:49,208 --> 01:11:51,083 Hired-- 1031 01:11:51,083 --> 01:11:54,750 Well, does a hired servant watch TV with you when you're lonely? 1032 01:11:54,750 --> 01:11:58,875 Does a hired servant read to you that time you broke your glasses? 1033 01:11:58,875 --> 01:12:03,291 Does a hired servant visit you in the hospital when nobody else does? 1034 01:12:03,291 --> 01:12:06,166 I did everything my father would've. 1035 01:12:09,166 --> 01:12:11,250 Mmm-- not everything. 1036 01:12:11,250 --> 01:12:13,291 Hmm? 1037 01:12:13,291 --> 01:12:18,750 Your father was, uh, a very special man. 1038 01:12:18,750 --> 01:12:22,750 He provided... extra services. 1039 01:12:25,458 --> 01:12:27,417 Oh, my God. 1040 01:12:27,417 --> 01:12:31,208 Your dad didn't say, "Stick with Miss Crock. You'll get ahead." 1041 01:12:31,208 --> 01:12:33,875 He said, "stick with Miss Crock and you'll get head." 1042 01:12:33,875 --> 01:12:38,041 Would you butt out? We're talking here! 1043 01:12:38,041 --> 01:12:40,333 Yuck! Oh! 1044 01:12:40,333 --> 01:12:43,625 Let's move! Move, move, move, move, move! 1045 01:12:47,625 --> 01:12:50,083 Can you see them? I think they're on the third floor. 1046 01:12:50,083 --> 01:12:51,959 Oh, man! 1047 01:12:51,959 --> 01:12:54,375 That's why I couldn't compare to my dad? 1048 01:12:54,375 --> 01:12:56,208 Oh, now, now, now. Don't be silly. 1049 01:12:56,208 --> 01:13:00,625 It's just that your father was... very gifted. Oh! 1050 01:13:00,625 --> 01:13:03,917 - That's some big shoes to fill. - I don't wanna hear this! 1051 01:13:03,917 --> 01:13:07,417 Man, you must've been a total letdown. 1052 01:13:07,417 --> 01:13:09,667 No wonder she ransomed you with an empty suitcase. 1053 01:13:09,667 --> 01:13:12,000 That suitcase wasn't empty. 1054 01:13:13,125 --> 01:13:15,083 I paid every cent. 1055 01:13:15,083 --> 01:13:18,291 Oh, yeah? Then why do Roger and Chip have the money? 1056 01:13:18,291 --> 01:13:20,625 Roger and Chip? 1057 01:13:20,625 --> 01:13:23,125 Wait! 1058 01:13:23,125 --> 01:13:26,792 Stop! Don't shoot! They're stupid and confused! 1059 01:13:26,792 --> 01:13:29,291 Position! Move out! 1060 01:13:29,291 --> 01:13:32,542 - I'm goin' in. - Come on! Come on! 1061 01:13:32,542 --> 01:13:34,792 I can't believe it. 1062 01:13:34,792 --> 01:13:39,792 I can't believe Chip shafted me. 1063 01:13:39,792 --> 01:13:43,000 I can't believe you came through. 1064 01:13:43,000 --> 01:13:45,083 Beaver team, move in! Go, go, go, go! 1065 01:13:47,583 --> 01:13:49,875 Ooh! It's like an army out there. 1066 01:13:49,875 --> 01:13:54,834 I'm on parole for mail fraud. I gotta hide. 1067 01:14:00,375 --> 01:14:02,708 Grover! How'd you get in there, man? 1068 01:14:02,708 --> 01:14:04,834 I mean, Come on, Grover! 1069 01:14:04,834 --> 01:14:09,708 I-I-I took care of all of Chip's gambling debts. 1070 01:14:09,708 --> 01:14:11,583 Grover! 1071 01:14:11,583 --> 01:14:14,500 I-I-I paid for all his methadone treatments. 1072 01:14:16,500 --> 01:14:18,500 I guess we both got the big screw. 1073 01:14:19,458 --> 01:14:21,667 Come on, Grover! 1074 01:14:23,166 --> 01:14:25,667 Don't move! Hayes and Fillmore, 1075 01:14:25,667 --> 01:14:29,333 you're under arrest again for the abduction of Virginia Crock! 1076 01:14:29,333 --> 01:14:31,750 And this time, it's gonna stick! 1077 01:14:33,875 --> 01:14:36,500 You clod. 1078 01:14:36,500 --> 01:14:38,542 They didn't kidnap me. 1079 01:14:38,542 --> 01:14:42,083 They rescued me. 1080 01:14:42,083 --> 01:14:46,708 If Willard hadn't shown up, I'd be dead and buried in this hellhole! 1081 01:14:46,708 --> 01:14:50,417 I don't understand. Then who's the kidnapper? 1082 01:14:53,000 --> 01:14:55,708 # 1083 01:14:55,708 --> 01:14:58,458 First, I wanna upgrade the assembly line. 1084 01:14:58,458 --> 01:15:01,417 Toss out mincemeat. Ooh. Ooh. 1085 01:15:01,417 --> 01:15:03,375 Bring in vanilla custard. 1086 01:15:03,375 --> 01:15:05,375 Ahh! Ahh! 1087 01:15:05,375 --> 01:15:07,625 Then I'm gonna mix strawberry into the rhubarb. 1088 01:15:07,625 --> 01:15:10,500 Muffin? 1089 01:15:12,750 --> 01:15:15,375 Freeze! You're under arrest. 1090 01:15:15,375 --> 01:15:17,291 Chip Oswald, 1091 01:15:17,291 --> 01:15:21,667 you are hereby apprehended for the kidnappings of Willard Fillmore and Virginia Crock. 1092 01:15:21,667 --> 01:15:25,417 That is ridiculous! How dare you! 1093 01:15:25,417 --> 01:15:28,583 I demand you leave my house! 1094 01:15:34,250 --> 01:15:36,667 Put on your pants. You're goin' to jail. 1095 01:15:36,667 --> 01:15:38,917 All right, let's keep them hands behind your back. 1096 01:15:40,750 --> 01:15:43,250 Oh, my God! It's the new Village People. 1097 01:15:43,250 --> 01:15:45,125 You're all crazy! 1098 01:15:45,125 --> 01:15:48,125 - Put down that gun! - I'm not goin' back to prison! 1099 01:15:48,125 --> 01:15:50,792 What do you mean "back"? Up yours! 1100 01:15:50,792 --> 01:15:55,291 I've got nothing from all of those years of suffering, working for you! 1101 01:15:55,291 --> 01:15:57,417 - Chip, nobody does. - Stay out of this! 1102 01:15:59,291 --> 01:16:01,291 I'll see you all in hell! 1103 01:16:01,291 --> 01:16:04,875 I'll slice you and I'll dice you... 1104 01:16:04,875 --> 01:16:07,917 and I'll bake you all into meat pies! 1105 01:16:15,458 --> 01:16:18,291 Well, it's an ugly ending, but the case is solved. 1106 01:16:18,291 --> 01:16:21,500 I knew he was the kidnapper the whole time. 1107 01:16:21,500 --> 01:16:24,625 Never trust a black man named Chip. 1108 01:16:31,917 --> 01:16:34,291 This is so beautiful. 1109 01:16:34,291 --> 01:16:37,708 I can spend the rest of my life here. Yeah. 1110 01:16:37,708 --> 01:16:40,625 And we found a place where almost everyone speaks English. 1111 01:16:51,959 --> 01:16:54,625 Oh, there's my juicy, succulent chicken. Come here. 1112 01:16:54,625 --> 01:16:58,333 - How's business, baby? - Great, Rusty. 1113 01:16:58,333 --> 01:17:00,500 You guys got a package. Huh? Oh. 1114 01:17:00,500 --> 01:17:04,166 Oh! Hey. Look. 1115 01:17:04,166 --> 01:17:06,166 It's from Miss Crock. 1116 01:17:06,166 --> 01:17:09,458 What did she send? 1117 01:17:10,875 --> 01:17:14,166 Wow! Check it out. It's an Armani suit. 1118 01:17:14,166 --> 01:17:16,333 And there's a letter. 1119 01:17:19,792 --> 01:17:20,917 Dear Willard, 1120 01:17:20,917 --> 01:17:24,125 I hope you're enjoying your retirement money. 1121 01:17:24,125 --> 01:17:28,708 Here's a suit you can wear when you graduate from USC. 1122 01:17:28,708 --> 01:17:32,583 Back in Pittsburgh, I decided not to sell the company. 1123 01:17:32,583 --> 01:17:37,208 And I have a new man in my life. 1124 01:17:37,208 --> 01:17:39,667 Grover's quite special. 1125 01:17:39,667 --> 01:17:43,834 He's a little slow, but he does what he's told. 1126 01:17:43,834 --> 01:17:47,875 So, thanks again for introducing us. 1127 01:17:47,875 --> 01:17:50,917 Your everlasting friend, Virginia.88227