Original subtitles

- Mr. Silverwood, check this out.

Yeah, that's him all right.

He's a big 'un.

- You stay close.

All right, we got somethin', boys.

I want all hands on deck, get the nets ready.

He's on the run.

- There he is!

- Hold your fire.

I want him alive.

Where'd he go?

- He broke through, Mr. Silverwood!

- Look out.

No, he didn't.

He's snagged.

Break out a new net!

He went underneath.

Hey!

Throw me a ladder over here, please.

- All right, it's just you and me now.

So we gonna do it the old fashioned way, huh?

Now you show me what you got!

I'm gonna get you, Swannie,

if it's the last thing I ever do.

Man, I cannot wait to ride Devil's Drop.

Do you realize how cool this thing is?

- You cannot keep me off that.

- Whatever, dude.

Last time you went, you puked pizza all over the place.

- Hey, it was a corn dog.

- Oh, sorry.

Just do us all a favor this time, huh,

and stick to the bumper cars.

- Oh hey, there's Dad!

- Hey, hey. - All right.

- Hey, hey, hey. - Hold on one second, guys.

One second.

Hey, Albeck.

So the settlement conference was a bust?

Nah, I just pulled into my driveway, yeah.

Okay.

- Hey, hey! - Hey.

- Dad, I can't wait, I'm gonna be

on Devil's Drop all day.

- Hey, listen, listen guys.

I'm really sorry, but something important's come up

at the office and I'm gonna have to,

gonna have to cancel.

- I don't believe this, I really don't believe this, Dad.

- We'll do it another time, I promise you.

- Dad, this is the other time!

- All right, all right, all right,

come on, come on, come on, here.

Go on, take it, go on.

Have yourselves some fun.

What, what's it gonna take?

Come on.

Go on, go on, have yourself some fun.

I'm really sorry, but I gotta do this now.

It's real important, okay?

Hey, next weekend.

Don't make any plans.

Tell Mom I'll be back in a couple hours.

- How do you like that?

- Hey, can I hang with you?

- No, buzz off, find your own friends.

- Oh come on, none of my friends

are as witty and charming as you.

- What's up, Roger?

- Man, come on, I paid a buck 50 for that, dude.

- Check this out.

- Man, this is the new Seizure CD.

- Yeah.

- Man, how'd you get this?

This had to set you back a couple bucks, man.

- Not when you got a five finger discount.

- Yeah, let's go open up our own account.

- Hey, hot shot.

Where do you think you're going, huh?

- I'm sorry, that's not the color I ordered.

I ordered the eggplant chiffon.

Hemlines are up this week, so please shorten that.

Hello?

Yes, this is Bonnie Mason.

Is something wrong, Officer?

Roger did what?

You know, you have no idea how furious I am with you.

- Will you just chill out, please?

It's not that big of a deal.

- Not that big of a deal?

You were caught stealing.

I just don't know what's gotten into you lately.

- Mom, this is like regular teenage stuff.

I'm just having a little fun with my friends.

- And that's another thing.

I don't particularly care for these so-called

friends of yours you're hanging around with.

- Yeah right, you don't even know who they are.

- I know that you got caught tagging with them

and now this.

- People's court, now in session.

- That's enough, Travis.

You know what?

You're no angel either.

Hello.

Oh, hi Debbie, hold on.

Look, this is a very important call.

We'll finish this discussion when your father comes home,

okay?

Yeah, right.

By the time Perry Mason gets home from work,

I'll be getting home from work.

- Mom, can I go to Vegas?

- Yeah, sure.

What?

No, that's not the color I ordered.

I don't know what you're talking about.

- Hey Roger, thanks for not ratting us out

at that record store, man.

- Yeah, thanks.

- Ah, no problem, dude.

This bird don't sing, don't you worry about that.

Hey, you know what?

Let's screw this, let's take a break, huh?

- Yeah, I hear ya, man.

So did you get much heat from your parents?

- Ah, not really, the same old thing, you know?

They start bugging me, and then next thing you know

they get a call from work and I'm makin' tracks.

- Man, you get off easy.

- Not really.

I'm gonna have to miss band practice.

I'm sorry, man, I gotta nail with this stupid

bogus family counseling.

- Don't even worry about it.

Just go in there, tell the shrink that you're sorry,

and that you'll never do it again.

- I'm really sorry, and I'm never gonna do it again.

- Very good.

Roger, Travis, I would like to speak to your parents alone.

Would you please wait outside?

- Oh yes, yes.

Closer here.

- I conclusively advocate the two of you

reexamine your motivations.

The relationships with your offspring

need to be cultivated with new dynamics.

Your responsibilities have to be nurtured

through a complex and systematic redevelopment process.

- What exactly does that mean?

- Spend more time with your kids.

- What are we gonna do?

Roger seems completely outta control.

- Bonnie, I am up to my neck in legal briefs,

I have a very important trial coming up,

and, I mean, I can't even think straight now.

- Okay, fine, then you know what?

I've decided that I'm gonna send the boys

to my dad's for the summer.

They need some kind of supervision.

- Oh come on, I can't believe what I'm hearing.

What, you're gonna send them to Bill's?

- Yeah.

What?

You know, he's not exactly Mr. Rogers.

- All right, you've both got your tickets.

- You still wanna take this up there with ya,

don't ya?

- I can't wait to see Grandpa.

- Why?

We hardly even know the guy.

Just sounds to me like you guys

are trying to ditch us.

- That's not true. - Oh come on.

- Your Dad and I just need some time

to get our priorities straight, now come on.

Besides, you boys are gonna have

a great time up there.

Yeah, with him?

Yeah right.

- Just take care of your brother, okay?

Make sure you watch after him.

- Call when you get there, okay?

- All right, be careful. - Bye sweetie.

- Boy, I sure hope you know what you're doing.

- Well, it's better than doing nothing.

- Well, this is perfect.

Straight into Maybury.

Could that be Grandpa?

- Yeah, with our luck it is.

Go wake the dude up, Opie.

- No way, Hosea.

- Okay, well.

I'm not waiting around here all day, so.

Excuse me.

Excuse me, are you Bill Cullen?

- Who's askin'?

Oh, I'm Beavis, this is Butthead.

- Well I guess that makes me Fatty Arbuckle.

- Fatty who?

Nevermind.

Hey, grab your gear and let's get outta here.

I hate airports, come on.

Hurry up, come on, come on, let's go.

What do kids do around here for fun?

- Ah, there's plenty to do.

You just have to take a look, Travis.

- I'm Roger, and I'm lookin', I don't see anything.

- I'm not surprised.

- Ah, Rog, check it out, an amusement park.

- Oh, there is a God!

I just hope they have a video arcade.

- Yeah, that amusement park is owned by Bailey Silverwood.

It used to be Larson's Dairy Farm,

until Bailey got his greedy hands on it.

- Bailey's a saint, in my book.

- Well, if that devil had his way,

he'd make it look like Las Vegas.

- Vegas?

I love Vegas.

- After I get my hands on Bill's land,

it'll be the crown jewel of my empire.

- Crown jewel, excellent terminology, Uncle Bailey.

- I'm gonna set the marina right down over there.

Put the condos up on that hill,

and right there I'm gonna put the golf course,

just set to the side of the hotel.

- Impeccable planning, sir.

You are a visionary, a pioneer.

It's a shame Bill's not selling, though.

- Would you let me take care of that?

I get through with Bill, he'll be dying to sell that land.

- Yes, Uncle Bailey. - I ain't your uncle.

- Well technically sir, you are,

because when you decide to wed my father's sister,

you became his brother-in-law

and since I'm his son--

What are you jabberin' about?

- Nevermind, sir.

- Population 300?

There's more people on Gilligan's Island.

Hey Grandpa, what's that Swannie thing all about?

- There's an old Indian myth about a creature

being sent by the spirits to protect Swanson Lake.

- Wow, I love a good myth.

- Yeah, and not only that,

but a fisherman claimed he saw that creature fly.

Fly?

- That's what myths are all about.

Some people believe it, and some people don't believe it.

- Looks like another hick town with a bogus legend to me.

Who's that?

- That's Susan Clark and her brother, Ernie.

Good folks.

- So, what's Susan's story?

- Susan's story is that she lives next door.

The end.

- I might just read that book.

Wow.

You live here?

- All my life.

This land, my boy, has been in the Cullen family

for five generations, and I hope your ma

has the good sense to keep it that way.

- What was that?

- The sound of greed, my boy.

- Where you going?

- Nowhere.

Hey Bill, you gotta minute?

- I got no time for you, Bailey,

and you're trespassing on my property.

- Well now, don't go hurrying off now, Bill.

I'd like you to take a good hard look

at my generous offer.

You know, Bill, why don't you face it?

You're just getting too old for this land here.

- I told you, I'm gonna live, die, and be buried

on this land.

- Well I could make that part of the deal, Bill.

If I was you, I'd just start packing.

Boys, don't get too comfortable.

- Pay him no mind, boys.

Come on.

Come on in, fellas, right this way.

Hey, this is where you're gonna bunk, right up here.

Yeah, now once you get unpacked,

I want you to meet me by the barn.

I got something special I want you to do with me.

- Hey Grandpa, doin' a little painting?

- Are you kidding?

I hate painting.

- This is bogus, dude.

I swear, this is like child abuse.

I think it's kinda fun, Huck.

- Fun, huh?

Watch out, I'll show ya fun.

All right.

This sucks.

There's fun for ya.

- Okay.

- Hey, look it here.

You guys are coming right along.

Hah, you forgot to dot the I.

Doggone it.

Hey, hey, hey, you like smokin'?

Wait a minute, don't smoke that junk.

I was given a cigar yesterday by a friend of mine.

Here, try something good now.

Go on, light up.

- Here, hold this.

- All right.

- Ah sure, there's nothin' like a good stogie, boy.

Smooth everything, huh?

- Got that right.

Absolutely.

Smoke it up.

- Ah, yeah, okay.

All right, huh?

- God.

- What, what's the matter?

I'm...

- That's, that's it.

Oh.

Sounds like our boy just gave up smokin'.

- Wow.

I've been trying to get him to quit for years.

- Oh.

Hey boy, you're bruising all that fruit.

- Yeah, well, it's too much work

to walk all the way over there.

- Well hard work builds character.

It never hurt a soul.

- Hard work's for losers.

See, I'm a rock musician.

- Yeah, well it takes plenty of hard work to be anything,

even a loser, so if I was you,

I'd start filling those crates

and then if you wanna sing,

♫ Be my guest

♫ Loser

Mmm, Grandpa, this meatloaf is delicious.

Thank you.

- Yeah right, if you like prison food.

- Well, now how would you know what prison food tastes like?

- Oh, I've had my run-ins with the law.

- Yeah Grandpa, he was public enemy number two.

- Well that's nothing to be proud of, boy.

If I were you, I'd work on shaping up.

- Just keeping it real, warden.

- Yeah, well, keep it real and wash these dishes

when you're finished eating.

I got business to tend to.

- Well, Billy Bob's a lotta laughs.

What was that?

- Huh?

- Quiet down!

I don't want the boys to hear you.

- Travis, come here, come here.

Look.

- Quiet down now.

All right, I know you're hungry, easy.

- Where do you think he could be going?

- I have no clue.

Let's go check it out, though.

Grab your jacket.

- All right.

- You scared?

- No, I'm cold.

- Oh yeah, yeah, me too.

Cold.

- Where do you think he went?

- I guess up in those bushes right there.

- Roger?

What do you think was making that noise out there?

- How should I know, dude?

- It sounded like a hippo.

- Oh, a hippo, huh?

Look, we're not in Africa, Tarzan.

See, the thing that freaks me out is,

who the hell was that old man talking to?

The guy gives me the creeps.

- What do you think was in that sack?

- You know, it was probably some little kid.

Cut him up into little pieces

and went to bury him in the backyard.

Goodnight.

Travis!

Travis, are you okay?

- Roger, help!

I'm stuck.

- Grandpa!

- I'm coming!

What's the matter here?

- He's stuck.

- Well, why let's get him out.

Come on, up, up, up.

Come on, you make it all right?

- I'm out. - Atta boy, how are ya?

You okay?

- I'm okay, just shaken.

- How in the devil did this happen?

Clean cut.

You son of a gun!

- What's the matter, Grandpa?

- Nothing, nothing.

Go back to your chores, boys, go ahead.

Hey, hey, you boys remind me of your mom

when she was stacking hay.

- Mom stacked hay?

She was the best stacker in two counties.

Listen, I have to go into town.

Now after you get all this cleaned up around here,

I want you to go out and feed the chickens.

Watch that red rooster, he's a horse, I'll tell ya.

Now, if you have any trouble with those cows,

milk 'em, okay?

See ya later.

- Hey, where ya going?

- Come on dude, this is our vacation, all right?

And Jay Clampett's in Hooterville, so I'm outta here.

- But we're not done.

You heard what Grandpa said.

- Come on, dude.

I'll be at the lake, all right?

Hold my calls.

- You know, this place isn't so bad.

- Yeah, you know, if Grandpa wasn't so weird

it'd be pretty cool.

- Roger, stop fooling around, man.

- What are you talking about?

- Did you just feel something?

- Ah, you know, it was probably just a catfish.

- Yeah, catfish.

You think?

- No, it was a man eating clam.

- Well I'm not sticking around here to find out.

- You're such a chicken, Travis!

- Well, how do you boys like the country so far?

The fast pace is killing me.

Well, us country folk

do things a little different up here.

We all work our fair share,

so when I agreed to let you boys come up here

I was hoping you'd understand that.

- Why, what's the problem?

- Well, you boys aren't carrying your weight around here.

- You know, I'm glad you mentioned that

because I'm getting sick and tired of all this work,

so as of right now, I'm going on disability.

- Ah.

Well, if you don't work, you don't eat,

and that's the truth.

You gotta problem with that?

- No, no, I've got a problem with you, all right?

This place sucks, and that's the truth.

So, you can take your work and shove it.

- I guess I just don't understand kids today.

- What a waste.

He had so much potential.

- Hello.

Bonnie!

Ah, yes, fine and dandy.

Yeah.

Yes.

- Well, you know Dad, I'm really glad to hear it.

I was afraid the boys would be a little bit of a handful.

Okay, I love you, Dad.

- Looks like you were right.

Sounds like the boys are having a good time up there.

- I am getting outta here.

I don't have to take any more of that guy's crap.

- He's not that bad, Roger.

- Okay, then you stay around and do his chores then.

- Maybe I will.

- Fine then, Travis, why don't you stay up here

in the middle of nowhere with that freak of an old man

out there, so he can cut you up in a million pieces

and bury you in the backyard, okay?

And when you find out what that thing is in the lake,

let me know.

- Okay, I'll go.

- All right, let's get jamming then.

- Did you hear something?

- Yeah, I did, it's called thunder.

- No, no, it was something else.

- Would you shut up?

You're giving me a...

Sorry, dude.

- Ah Roger, I'm stuck, man.

- You're stuck?

How can you get stuck on a hill, dude?

Come on.

- Nah, I think I sprained my ankle.

- All right, but if you're playing around

I'm gonna beat you to a pulp.

- Roger hurry, there's something out there!

- Dude I'm here, I'm coming, come on.

All right, come on.

- He won't hurt you.

- Grandpa, is that you?

- Well it ain't John Wayne.

- Roger, man, are we dreaming?

- I don't even know what's going on, man.

I don't even know.

- Mel?

Quit scaring my grandkids.

They're from the big city, Los Angeles.

So take it easy on 'em.

It looks like it's gonna pour in a few minutes,

and I'm missing out on my beauty sleep.

You guys going somewhere, you better get going.

Come on, Mel.

- So Grandpa, you gotta license for that thing?

A license?

Heavens no.

- What is it?

I mean, is it like a giant turtle?

- Well, Mel isn't a turtle.

Nah, I've looked for a species everywhere.

He's a tortoise, from Galapagos I think.

I've looked in every book and magazine I could find.

I can't find the species anywhere,

but I think they're extinct, actually.

But besides, tortoises can't swim.

- You really, don't know what that thing is, do you grandpa?

- No, no I don't.

Maybe he's a tortoisaurus.

- Yeah, and maybe you're an idiotasaurus.

- Is he dangerous?

- No, not if he likes you.

- What does he eat, Grandpa?

- Whatever and whenever he wants.

- How much does he weigh?

- Plenty.

- Where'd you get him, Grandpa?

- Woah ho ho, wait a minute.

It's getting late and I'm calling it a day, okay?

You can ask all your questions later.

Here, give me a hand up, huh?

Ah, atta boy.

Hey, see ya later. - Okay.

- Get to bed now. - Goodnight.

- Goodnight, Grandpa. - All right, night, night.

- What are you doing?

- Just making sure Doc Murdock

doesn't have anymore weird pets around here.

Roger, Travis!

Breakfast!

- What time is it, Grandpa?

- It's 6:30, the middle of the day already.

- 6:30?

Oh my god.

- Come on, boys, sit down.

- 6:30.

Well Travis, welcome to the Marines.

- Here's your orange juice, syrup.

- Can you feel that?

Can you feel that?

- Roger, earthquake!

- What, what's the matter with you guys?

Mel!

Well it's about time you got here.

It's Mel, fellas.

Hey.

Look up here.

- Mel eats pancakes.

Oh, he loves them.

It's his favorite food.

Come on Travis, eat.

- That is amazing.

- Be careful of him, now. - Hey.

- Yeah, he doesn't take to everybody,

but he sure makes a good pet.

- What, like a dog wasn't good enough for ya?

Geez, these people around here must think you're loco

with a pet like this.

- Well, loco or not, it's nobody's business.

Mel doesn't take to strangers and neither do I,

so we won't talk about Mel to anyone, understood?

- Like I care.

- Our lips are sealed.

- Let's eat.

- Here.

Hey.

- Come on boys, I wanna show ya something.

Come on, Melvin!

We've gotta work off some of those pancakes.

Gonna have a little exercise, all right?

All right, come on now, you know the old stuff.

You boys can join in too, if you'd like, ya know.

All right, here we go.

Remember, one, two, buckle my shoe.

Three, four.

Mel, aren't you gonna exercise?

Oh, come on, Mel.

Come on, you love to exercise.

Come on, you gotta work off some of those pancakes, buddy.

Here we go, all together.

One, two, buckle my shoe.

Three, four, close the door.

Five, six, pick up sticks.

- I'll be damned.

Henderson, quick, 12 o'clock.

- Sir, it's only 11:15.

- Stop being such a wise ass.

Just look right over there.

Nice kids.

- Nice kids?

- Kind of reminds me of me and my brother

when we were little.

- You don't see what I see?

- No, just a couple of kids.

I should call him.

It's been a while.

- It don't matter, I saw it.

♫ I hate apples

♫ Apples, they make me sick

♫ If I eat one more green apple

♫ Gonna turn into a hick

- Hey Elvis.

Not bad.

Actually, the name's Roger,

and, you know, I play in a rock band in LA.

This is nothing.

- Oh, well I'm Susie.

So, what's a rockstar singer like you

doing in parts like this?

- Oh, well, I'm staying with my grandpa.

- I didn't know Bill had grandkids.

Yeah, there's probably a lot about Bill

you don't know.

- Mm.

- So, what do you do around here for fun?

- You ride?

- Like Mr. Ed.

- Having a little trouble back there?

- I'm just, you know, keeping it real, that's all.

Hey, you wanna go to the mall later?

I was thinking about getting a tattoo, you know.

- On those skinny arms?

I wouldn't go to Bailey's mall if you paid me, anyways.

- No one seems to like this Bailey guy.

- Would you like him if he was trying

to take away your land?

He's trying to turn this place into Baileyville.

See what I mean?

- That sucks, you know, that just sucks,

'cause I'm really starting to appreciate

the simpler things in life,

the sky, the ground, the grass, the trees here,

that shed over there, you know?

It's just, everything is so beautiful here.

Kinda like you.

- Well you better appreciate something else, Hollywood.

That's poison ivy.

- I knew that.

Just pointing it out.

Watch out, that's poison ivy right there.

- Here you go Mel, here you go.

Oh!

Most unimpressive.

You are not a jedi yet.

Here you go, mmm, yummy.

Mm hmm, yeah.

Very impressive.

May the force be with you.

- Looks like Bailey struck again.

This used to be Fogerty's ranch.

- That devil.

Hey look at that truck, look at that.

God, this thing's crazy.

Look at this, come here.

Oh man, it's gotta be a hundred years old.

Let's get in, huh?

- No.

- Why?

- That's not such a good idea.

- Why not?

Come on.

- No, really. - Come on, get in, get in.

- Fine. - Come on.

It's kinda cozy, isn't it?

- Oh my god, we're moving!

Hit the brakes!

- They're not working, they're not working!

Oh my god!

Let's jump. - Let's jump.

- What the?

- It just hit the fan, son,

and you're standing in front of it.

- Like I told you, Sam, I'm taking full responsibility.

Just send me a bill and I'll pay for the damages.

- That ain't good enough, Sheriff.

I want 'em both arrested.

- But Mr. Silverwood, sir--

- This was an act of terrorism.

I might even go as far as to say

it was an act of conspiracy.

- The boy's a minor, and Bill here,

he's willing to pay for any damages.

- Well you go ahead and have it your way, Sheriff.

I'll get my justice, one way or another.

- Keep your eye on that boy, will ya, Bill?

- Yeah.

Roger,

your kind of behavior is unacceptable in these parts.

- I thought you didn't dig Bailey, or whatever.

- But that doesn't give you the right

to destroy another man's property.

- So I guess you're gonna tell Mom and Dad, huh?

- I handle my own affairs, son,

but this will not happen again.

- No. - Understood?

- Look Grandpa, it was an accident, okay?

I'm sorry.

- You go get washed up, we'll have dinner.

- You know, I can't remember the last time

we had dinner together.

This is wonderful.

- I know, it is.

- You know,

well, I mean, wouldn't it be nice

if we could just have a little summer vacation together?

With the boys.

Wouldn't that be nice?

- Well who says we can't?

- Oh, come on.

- I mean, let's do something crazy!

- Really?

- Hell, let's do something really crazy.

Let's get in the car,

let's drive up there to your Dad's place,

and we'll surprise the boys.

- Now you're sounding like the man I married.

- Hey, sorry, one sec, one sec, let me see.

Yeah.

When did that happen?

- Hey, what's the hold up, boys?

We're only gonna go into town, you know.

You guys are like a couple of old ladies.

- We're coming, we're coming, keep your shirt on.

Who's that?

Are you kidding?

That's your mom.

- Mom rode a horse?

- Like the wind!

She was a four-time state champ.

- The only thing Mom rides now is a Mercedes, Grandpa.

- Why did she leave?

- Well, like everyone else in this world,

she wanted to follow her dreams.

But she loved this place.

Yeah, she loved this place.

Well come on, will ya?

Let's go, let's move it.

Come on!

- Man, Roger, this Swannie stuff is a trip.

Ah, it's all bull.

- That's not bull.

I seen Swannie with my own eyes.

- You did?

- I was out fishing on Swanson Lake with my son,

when all of a sudden our boat started to violently rock.

We could hardly hold on.

Then this giant, grotesque creature appears outta nowhere,

and just when I thought we was gonners,

the shaking stopped and Swannie disappeared

without a trace.

- Wow, maybe there is something to that legend.

Yeah right, Travis.

Titanic's a true story.

- The Titanic is a true story, and so is Swannie!

- Oh, Rog, come here.

Come on, dude, let's get outta here, seriously.

- Isn't that-- - Come on, dude.

Grandpa's waiting.

- I'm telling you, Mel is Swannie.

All right, all right, then what about

those pictures at the store?

- I don't know what you're talking about, Mr. Matlock.

- What pictures, what pictures?

- We are not leaving this table until you come clean.

- Will someone please tell me what's going on here?

- Yeah, Grandpa, tell us what's going on.

- All right, all right I knew it was coming to this.

I'm only gonna tell you once, and only once,

and I don't want you to interrupt.

I was out fishing on Swanson Lake one day,

and night started coming on.

So I started rowing for shore

and suddenly I collided with a huge creature.

I looked around and, I could see

that the creature was caught in a big fish net.

I just couldn't stand by to watch him die,

so I dove in to help in.

- You dove in?

What are you, crazy?

- You're damn right, I'm crazy, and don't interrupt!

When I came face to face with the most incredible creature

I've ever seen in my life,

I knew I had done the right thing.

It was a struggle, but I finally got him loose.

- Wow, that's amazing.

- On the way home,

I sensed something was following me.

It was strange, like, I'd look over my shoulder

and nothing there, but yet, something was following me.

And bam!

There was Mel.

He had found a home in my lake.

There's a lotta hunters that'd give their right arm

to capture Mel, especially Bailey Silverwood.

Only with him, it's an obsession.

- Well why, Grandpa?

- Well, he claims that Mel gave him that scar and,

not that he didn't deserve it.

- One question.

Why do you call him Mel?

- Well, he reminded me of a big whale

so I named him after Melville, the writer of Moby Dick.

- Oh, well ya coulda just called him Dick.

- Wash the dishes.

Come on, wash the dishes.

Called him Dick, ha!

Hey.

- Well if it isn't the Terminator.

Thanks for a great first date.

- Hey, you need any help here?

- No, I don't need anymore trouble.

- Look, I came by to say I was sorry.

- Okay, well, I think you should leave.

- Can I show you something first, please?

It'll only take a minute.

- What is it, more vandalism?

- No, it's a,

well I can't explain it here, I really can't.

You just, you have to see it.

I swear it will only take a minute.

- Fine.

- It's just right up here.

Here we go.

- What are we looking for?

- This way, it's this way.

You'll see.

This is so stupid, I'm going home.

No, come on.

- Oh my god! - Okay, okay.

Just slow down, okay?

This is what I wanted to show you.

This is Mel.

- Oh my god, it's unbelievable.

- Yeah, yeah I knew you'd dig it,

- It looks scary.

Can I touch it?

- Sure you can, come on, come right in here.

Just...

But he's cool, he really is, don't worry.

- Wait a second, could this be what I think it is?

How did it ever get here?

- Yeah, it's a long story,

but look, you have to promise me

you cannot tell anybody about this.

- Well I swear.

- What do you want, Bailey?

- Well I'm just wondering if you've come to your senses

about your property, Bill.

- I can't prove it was you, Bailey,

but it's gonna take more than a hole in the roof

or a few threats to scare me off my land.

- Well I don't know what you're talking about, Bill,

but you are getting in the way of my plans,

and this is one battle I don't intend to lose.

This will be my land.

- You get the hell off my property

or you'll be eating buckshot!

- You're starting a war, Bill.

You heard him, he threatened me.

Let's go.

- Damn!

Feast your eyes on one of the wonders of the world, my boys.

Swanson Lake.

My father used to bring me up here when I was a boy.

I used to bring your mom up here.

- Mom was here?

- Oh, sure, she loved the place.

We used to sneak away every chance we had.

- Hey, hey Grandpa, do you see that down there?

Is that a truck?

- Ah, probably some city slickers

taking the easy way.

- You mean we coulda driven to the lake?

- Grandpa, don't people wonder

what happened to Swannie?

- Nah, but people claim to see him every day.

- Race ya to the lake.

- All right, I'll give ya five.

One, two, five!

Kids, can't even count.

- Well I'll be a son of a...

We meet again.

- How long's this take?

- Shh, you're giving the fish a headache.

Hey Grandpa, doesn't Mel miss Swanson Lake?

- Yeah, maybe so.

He probably got tired of being hunted all the time, ya know?

- Hey Grandpa? - Huh?

- Grandpa, I think I got something.

- Uh oh. - I got something!

- You see, you see.

- Look, look at this!

I got a fish!

- All right! - Hey, hey, hey.

- All right.

- Look it, look at this, look.

Look at this!

Natural born fisherman.

Yes sir, must be in the blood.

Good boy! - All right!

- Look at that!

- Hey Grandpa, how do you suppose Mel got here?

- I'm gonna have to let you boys

in on a little secret.

See, it all started with my dad

who was a captain on a cargo ship.

- A captain of a ship?

- Yeah. - Wow.

- And every time he came back,

he used to bring me a special present.

Well, on one of his trips to India,

he was given a gift by a swami,

a little turtle.

I loved that little turtle.

One day I was fishing right on this very lake,

and the turtle fell overboard and disappeared.

- So what, are you trying to tell us

that little turtle, it grew up to be Mel?

Yeah right.

- Is that true, Grandpa?

- You never know, boy.

You never know.

- Hey, Hollywood.

Your grandpa around?

- Grandpa, um, no.

Him and Travis went to town.

- Oh.

Bill said that I could borrow his tractor.

- Oh, well, yeah just go for it.

- Okay, thanks.

- Oh hey, wait.

You need any help?

- You mean you wanna work?

- Sure, why not?

- Okay, come on.

- Hey Bailey, you suck!

- Watch it, be cool.

- Oh, don't worry about it.

- Bailey doesn't play around.

- Don't worry about it.

You suck! - Roger.

Oh my god!

Hit the brakes!

- Oh my god.

- Well, back it up, back it up!

- Okay, okay, okay.

It's not going, it's not going.

Go, go!

- My, my, my, what do we have here?

- What the devil...

Looks like your luck has changed, Bailey.

- Yep, you just dealt me my fourth ace, Bill.

Thank you.

Have a good day.

- Bill, I got a warrant for your arrest.

- My arrest?

For what?

- For trespassing, vandalism,

destruction of private property

to the tune of 250,000 dollars.

You have a right to remain silent,

everything you say--

- Hold it, hold it, son, hold it.

Now wait a minute, you know me better than that.

- Sorry Bill, I have no choice.

There are eye witnesses that put you at the scene,

and it was your tractor.

- Okay, okay, look.

Grandpa, I'm sorry, it was me.

I didn't knock anything down though, I swear.

- Oh yeah?

So who caused all the damage?

Me?

- You're working overtime, aren't ya, Bailey?

- Hey, hey, take it easy, Bill.

- You see?

That's what I'm talking about.

- Come on boys, take him away.

No need to cuff him.

- Oh, don't worry about me, boys.

Listen, I'll get it all straightened out.

Oh, get in the house and call your mother.

- I'll be seeing you boys.

Real soon.

- I don't know, sir, it's just not right.

I mean, it's not the old man's style.

- Let's get outta here.

- Yes sir.

- Did you talk to Mom and Dad?

- No, I left like a million messages.

I can't get through.

- Man, I wish they were here right now.

Hey, look at Mel.

He looks so sad.

- Do you think Bailey knows about Mel?

- I don't know, dude.

We just, we gotta be careful.

- Bill, Bill, Bill.

When are you going to come to your senses?

Hm?

You can't win.

- I can't lose, either.

- All right, then just pay for my damages.

Or you can sign your property over to me.

- You know it wasn't me, Bailey.

- Yeah, I know it wasn't, Bill.

But you know what?

A jury's not gonna see it that way, right?

So.

How about it?

Offer's still good.

- I got nothing more to say to you.

- All right, have it your way.

Huh, good strong bars, ain't they?

Be a shame to see you spend the rest of your life

behind 'em.

Oh, by the way, you sure got some strange fish

in that lake of yours.

♫ Swannie, how I love ya

♫ How I love ya, my dear old Swannie

- Did you hear that?

- Chill out, it's probably just the rain.

Got any 10s?

- Go fish.

- Darn.

- See, there it is again.

- I heard that. - Okay.

Maybe it's a bird.

- I'll go check it out.

- Well maybe it's Bailey. - Shh.

Oh man, we're dead.

- All right, this is what we're gonna do.

You see that light switch right there?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

As soon as they come through the door,

I'm gonna yell, now.

And then you hit this light

and I'll get 'em over the head, okay?

- All right.

- Now!

- Woah, woah, woah, woah, hey.

- Mom! - What's goin' on here, huh?

- What are you doing here?

- Geez, we came up here to surprise ya.

I guess we did, huh?

- Grandpa's in jail.

- And Roger wrecked a truck-- - Shut up!

- And there was an explosion.

- Look, it was just-- - And then he--

- Hold on, wait a minute, look, come on.

- Hey, calm down, guys.

Woah, woah, woah. - Sit down, come on.

- And what is this about Grandpa in jail?

- Counselor, when are you gonna get me out of here?

- Listen Bill, I'm not getting any cooperation here.

I mean, there hasn't even been bail set.

I mean, a small town, justice moves real slow around here.

- That Bailey, it's that Bailey.

He's behind all this.

He's got everybody in this town in his hip pocket.

- Don't worry, Dad, we'll get to the bottom of this.

- So, how are they treating you, Grandpa?

Oh, I've seen better.

But I'm depending on you boys now

to take care of things, huh?

- Don't worry, Grandpa.

Everything's under control.

- I'm really proud of how you guys handled things.

How are you getting along with your grandpa?

- It was really great.

He took us camping and fishing.

He even taught us how to milk a cow.

- Hey, well that's something I've been meaning to teach ya.

- That's something I'd like to see.

Sorry.

- Mom, Dad?

Look, you're not gonna believe this,

but you've heard of the legend of Swanson Lake?

- Oh please.

- Sure, everyone has.

- Well, you're not gonna believe this.

Why don't ya chill out, Travis.

You know what Grandpa told us about myths, right?

You know, some people believe 'em, some people don't.

You know how it is.

Some people like keeping secrets, if you know what I mean.

- What are you boys talking about?

- Swannie lives with Grandpa,

only he's called Mel.

- What are you doing?

- Oh come on, we gotta tell 'em.

- We can't tell them. - Why?

- You heard what Grandpa said. - Hey, hey.

Hey, Swannie is nothing but an old myth.

I wouldn't tell that

to too many people around here.

- You've gotta believe me, Dad, he's real.

- See, now your Dad's got their heads

filled with this Swannie crap.

You know it wasn't me, Bailey.

I got nothing more to say to ya.

I can't lose, either.

- Well, well, well.

Lookee what we got here.

Swannie, in the flesh.

Mm, mm, mm.

I waited a long time for this moment.

All right boys, get him outta here.

Cover up this hole!

Ah!

Son of a...

Swannie,

you better behave yourself.

I'll have your head mounted up on my wall.

I win!

I win.

- Hi honey.

- Boy, I forgot how big this place is.

- Yeah.

- And how I gotta get outta the office a little more often.

- You sure do.

- Mel!

- Mel!

- Mel!

- Well,

still here.

Let's check the back of the house.

Mel!

Mel.

- Hi boys.

- I don't get it, we looked everywhere

and he didn't even touch the apples we left for him.

- That's a beautiful horse.

What's its name?

- Thunder.

You must be Roger's parents.

Hi, I'm Susie.

- Hi Susie. - Hi Susie.

- Any luck?

- No, I went down to the creek and back,

still no place of Mel.

You too, huh?

Nice meeting you, Susie.

- Bye.

- Honey.

- Water, I need water.

- Something is really wrong here.

- Yeah.

- I don't know, he's got himself in some real

hot water here.

I mean, and not only that,

he's dragged the kids into it with him.

- I'm here with Bailey Silverwood

who claims that he has actually caught Swannie.

- Hey.

- Man, what? - Travis, dude, look.

Look, they caught Mel, look!

- What are you talking about?

- That guy, Bailey, look for yourself.

- Give me that.

Hi there.

I just wanna confirm that the legend of Swanson Lake

has indeed been captured by yours truly,

and you can feast your eyes for the first time ever

on the elusive Swannie, the beast of the Northwest

right here at the new Silverwood Amusement Park.

It's gonna be--

- Mom, Dad!

- That's why I said that we shouldn't have brought 'em

up here in the first place.

- Take that.

- What is it?

- Mom, they, they caught Mel.

That Bailey guy, they're at the amusement park.

- Honey, come here.

- I told you before, there is no Mel

or Swannie or whatever you wanna call it.

Well now Peter, maybe there's something

to what they're saying.

- Encourage them, Bonnie.

We have enough problems here

trying to get your crazy father outta jail.

- Dad, Grandpa's not crazy, all right?

Come on, Travis.

- Come on, there's backstage.

Look what they did to Mel.

Hey.

Hey buddy.

How ya doin'?

You all right?

Okay boys, let's move these boxes.

- Let's get out of here.

We'll be back, Mel.

- Henderson, get in here.

That's right, darling, you get all the press you can.

This is gonna be big.

Well, they here?

- About the tiger, sir.

- You do have my tiger.

- I was thinking, maybe Thompson, he's free.

He could get--

- I don't want Thompson.

I want you to personally take care of that tiger for me.

- But sir, that tiger's big.

Honey, help your brother with this.

- Well, what am I supposed to do?

Just help him undo it.

- Move, move your hand.

Okay, watch.

- Hello.

Hey Albeck.

Uh huh.

Yeah, but I thought Goldberg was handling that.

Well.

Ah come on, can't it wait?

Uh huh, yeah I know.

Bye.

Well, I got a little bad news.

A little emergency's come up at the office.

I'm gonna have to be back there by tomorrow afternoon,

end of business.

- Dad, you can't leave, we need your help.

- Hey, what can I--

- Don't worry about it Travis, man, we can manage.

Why should this time be any different?

- Hey, what am I supposed to do, huh?

I mean, this is an emergency that's come up,

this is very important.

- I mean, you wouldn't believe

what's going on down there.

They have Mel in this cage

and he looks horrible.

- Yeah.

The thing is, Bailey's claiming he caught Mel

with his own bare hands

and they're having a big grand unveiling tomorrow.

- That skunk.

He's gone too far this time.

Wait'll I get my hands on him.

- Well, Mel's not gonna last long, Grandpa.

What are we gonna do?

- Well, I can't do anything while I'm in here.

But you boys can, and I'll tell ya how to do it.

- Come on boys, rise and shine!

It's getting late.

Travis, honey.

Roger?

Roger?

Peter, honey, the boys are gone!

- Yeah, hi, Matt Henderson is needed

at the theater immediately.

Could you please page him?

Okay thanks, yeah.

Okay.

Paging Matt Henderson.

Would you please report to the back

of the theater immediately, paging Matt Henderson.

- Yes.

All right, he left his keys.

I bet you anything the key to Mel's cage is on there,

so go get Mel.

Me and Susie, we're gonna meet you by the exit

by the train, okay?

Ernie's supposed to meet us there around three, so--

- Ernie will meet us there at three, he's never late.

- Okay, okay, so he's gonna meet us at three,

so hurry up dude, we're gonna be waiting on you.

Go, go. - All right, good luck guys.

- Here, throw these in the back.

- Hey boy, we're gonna get ya outta here, all right?

Yeah, let me get that off you.

All right, I'm gonna get you outta here.

Come on Mel, Mel, come on, Mel.

Oh, pretty kitty.

Come on, come on, come on.

- Where is he?

It's almost three.

- I don't know.

- Ladies and gentlemen and children of all ages,

for the past 75 years, this great beast

has eluded the world's most famous hunters,

and when I came here I made a promise to you,

the good people of this great state,

that I, Bailey Silverwood,

would capture Swannie for you, alive.

Now today, I fulfilled that promise.

So without further ado, I give to you

the legend, Swannie.

What the hell?

Henderson, get up here!

- Uncle Bailey.

- Somebody stole Swannie.

Well, they picked a heck of a time.

- You find him.

Now.

- Yes sir.

Matt Henderson, head of security.

My golf cart has been, nevermind that.

Train station, 10 minutes, back up.

I'll be on foot.

- Come on, Mel.

- Hey, there he is.

Come on, Mel.

Come on, Mel.

You gotta do your exercises.

- Okay, right, what is it, one, two buckle my shoe.

- It was Grandpa's, one two, buckle my shoe.

Three, four, close the door.

Five, six, pick up sticks, pick up sticks,

pick up sticks. - Pick up sticks now, Mel.

Good boy. - There we go.

It's under, it's under, it's under.

- All right, it's good.

- Come on.

You know, I'm never gonna make it through that gate.

Go open it, go open it.

- Security!

- Over there, get 'em, come on.

Let's go, go, go!

- I'll take care of him.

You go, just go.

Officer, officer.

- Keep going boys.

How can I help you, ma'am?

- Yeah, I don't know what to do.

My mom, I lost my family there.

- Is that what I think it is?

Henderson!

- Yes, Uncle Bailey.

- What happened to you, boy?

- The, the--

- Tiger?

My tiger?

He okay?

Good, you go find him for me

and get Swannie back.

First you clean yourself up.

Tuck that shirt, we got a dress code around here.

Henderson!

- Congratulations Ernie,

you are now the official driver of the legend of Swannie.

- So is that thing really Swannie?

Yeah.

Well, known to his close friends as Mel.

Woah!

- It's okay, Mel.

- Well, sorry guys.

This is as far as I can go.

- Hey, don't worry about it, man.

We'll just take the trail down to Swanson Lake.

- You sure about that?

- Hey, no mission's impossible, right?

You guys ever been on that trail before?

- Sure, man, it's a piece of cake.

- What's going on, Lou?

I'll be right there.

Well, I gotta get going.

You guys sure you know what you're doing?

- Hey, no problemo.

- Yeah, thanks Ernie.

Man, we owe ya one.

- Just remember to stick to the trail.

- Come on, Rog, we're burning daylight.

Come on.

- Come on, Mel. - Come on Mel, let's go.

Come on, Mel.

- Thank you.

We really appreciate it, thank you very much.

Any luck?

- I couldn't find the boys anywhere.

- All right, well, I've been avoiding this

but I think it's time we call the police.

- I agree, sweetie.

Let's go back out to Kyle Lodge

with Live Total News Nine coverage.

- You know, it's hard to believe

that this was being built as the event of the century

because it will no doubt be remembered

as Bailey's big bust.

A crowd of thousands were left with their Swannie flags

at half mast, when it was revealed

that the legend of Swanson lake was nothing more

than this tiger.

Now Mr. Silverwood is claiming tonight

that the real Swannie was stolen

right out from the arms of his army of security guards.

And that, my friends, is the claim

that a lotta people are finding hard to believe.

- I don't believe this.

- They wouldn't.

- And they couldn't.

They did. - They did.

- What?

- All right, I don't know.

I mean, I don't know what's going on anymore, okay,

but we gotta get to the bottom of this.

All right, look.

Bonnie, cancel my flight.

- Oh, I knew you wouldn't let the boys down.

- Yeah.

I'm gonna go talk to Bill.

- Okay, I'll check with the neighbors.

- No, I already checked with the neighbors.

- All right, I'll cancel your flight.

- Cancel my flight. - All right.

- I'm sorry, Mr. Bailey, I really can't do that.

- Just get it done.

- A statement, sir, I'm gonna need a statement.

- Here's my statement.

You don't get Swannie back for me in 24 hours,

you gonna be a night watchman in that lumber yard.

Again.

- You know, it's hard to believe

but I tracked down the Flegmers earlier this afternoon

and here's what they had to say.

- Well what I seen was this,

it looked like some sorta pre-historic Jurassic turtle

pushing a tow truck.

- What I seen was an alien disguised as a turtle.

- Now you'll have to excuse my brother, Clem,

he gots the brains God gave a peanut.

- Think it came down to make friends

with all the Earth turtles so he could bring 'em back

to his alien planet so he could eat 'em.

'Cause they eat 'em up there, I think.

Did either one of you see the driver

of the tow truck?

- Well I believe it was Ernie Clark.

- It was the Clark boy, Ernie.

- Best tow truck driver in the county.

- Excellent driver, very good, excellent driver.

- I should've known, Swanson Lake.

Oh, note, leave a note.

Swanson Lake.

Um, television.

Okay.

- Now listen to me Bill,

you are gonna have to help me help you.

Now the kids are missing, and this Swannie has been stolen.

I want you to tell me what's going on.

So,

I knew they got some Cullen blood in them.

- Hold it right there, Ernie.

Get outta the truck Ernie, slowly.

Now don't try anything funny.

Just tell me where you took Swannie.

- Hey guys, can we stop?

I'm kinda getting tired, so's Mel.

- Yeah, we can stop right here.

I mean, this would be a perfect place for camp.

You got rocks, build a fire.

This'll be great.

- Yeah, and I found some berries back there

so I can go pick them.

- Cool, I'll help ya out.

Oh, and Travis, start a fire, dude.

- All right, come on Mel.

Let's go start a fire.

- Hey Bonnie.

Bonnie!

Dang it, Bonnie.

Dang it.

- These berries we picked are really good.

- Yeah, let's just hope they're not poisonous.

- They're not poisonous.

I've been eating them my whole life

and I'm still alive.

- Mmm, these are good.

Man, these are delicious.

Oh!

Ho!

Guys, come on, I could've been dying.

- Never a dull moment with you guys.

- And just think, I thought this place

wasn't going to be cool.

Hey, I'm glad I was wrong.

- I'm cold, I'm gonna go get some more firewood.

- No, no, Susie, sit down, sit down.

Travis, go get some wood, dude.

Go get some wood.

- Yes, Will Robinson.

- Hey, thanks.

- For what?

- You know, for helping with Mel,

and everything.

It's just been really great meeting you.

- No, it's no big deal.

I mean, you're Bill's grandkids.

- So is that the only reason you're hanging out with me?

- No.

- What was that, what was that?

- Oh, just some creatures of the night.

Lion!

A lion!

- What?

Oh my god!

Just get him, Mel, just get him!

Get him, Mel!

- Good job, Mel, come here.

- All right. - Yeah, Mel!

- Good job, Mel.

- Good job, Mel, way to go, buddy.

- I want you to tell me how to get to Swanson Lake.

- Are you kidding?

You'd never make it there without me.

The big city lion would get lost in those woods

in five minutes.

You just get me outta here

and we'll get those kids back.

- Okay Ernie, for the last time.

Where did you take Swannie?

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- I can see we're going nowhere over here.

Did you know kidnapping is a federal offense?

I got it.

Sheriff's office.

Where?

You say there's been an accident?

Well no, no, just calm down, just calm down.

Nice and easy.

Hold on.

Some tourists picked up one of those boys

walking on I-16, said there's been an accident.

Said your sister Susie had been hurt

and she needs medical attention immediately.

Anything happens to your sister,

it's gonna be on your head, boy.

Now where do we send those paramedics?

- Tell 'em, Ernie.

Tell 'em!

- Swanson Lake.

- Mel, wake up, buddy.

Come on.

How ya doing?

Guys, wake up.

Travis, wake up, dude.

- What?

Mel doesn't look so hot.

- He looks like he's gonna die.

- No, he's not.

Come on, help him up.

- All right.

Let's go.

- Come on Mel, we're gonna get ya up, okay buddy?

- Come on, Mel. - Come on.

- Come on.

- How's your view up there, Mr. Silverwood?

- Andrew, this ain't no sight seeing trip.

You find him and you find him quick, over and out.

- We're on our way, sir.

- It's an amazing view, Uncle Bailey.

And it's such an eye opener.

Bailey, look.

- What?

- My house, I can see my house.

New gutters, see?

The roof could use some fixin', though.

- What are you on, drugs?

You find Swannie.

- Roger!

Travis!

Boys?

- Hey, hold up guys.

We found a camp fire, sir.

It's still warm.

They can't be too far ahead.

All right, come on boys, let's fan out.

- Roger!

Travis!

- Mel, Mel look, dude!

It's water. - All right.

- Look at that, Mel, look!

There's water right down there.

- Roger, that looks kinda steep, man.

- Yeah, how are we gonna get him down there?

- I've got an idea, got an idea.

Travis, get on top.

Susie, come back here and help me.

Mel, I need ya to put your feet in for me,

okay buddy?

Okay, get ready to push.

Okay, one, two, three.

- Hey, here, grab it, grab it!

Roger-- - Come on, man.

Come on Mel, help us!

- Come on, pull yourself, you're too heavy.

- Mel come on, pull.

- Roger!

Roger, hang on.

- Mom, help us!

- I'm coming, Roger.

Pull, pull, pull!

Pull, pull hard.

Come on Roger, come on.

- Good job, Mel.

- Mom, this is Mel.

This is what we were trying to tell you about.

You mean this is Swannie?

- Yeah, but we don't have time for that though.

We gotta get Mel in the water

or he's gonna die.

- We could do it here, but this isn't good.

This is all cliff.

We need to back up-- - Okay, I have an idea.

I saw it in a James Bond movie.

You guys stay right here, stay there.

- Okay, okay.

- James Bond, what?

- Put the rope in Mel's mouth.

Put the rope in his mouth.

- Mel, Mel, here you go, here you go.

- Yeah, but we gotta get him turned around, Mom.

- Now, push him.

- Okay, okay look, Susie, get on that and help him.

Come on, Mel, come on.

- Push!

Come on Thunder, pull.

- Go, come on.

Come on, Mel.

There they are.

- Come on. - All right, there's the heat.

Come on guys.

- Andrew, he gets into that river

and we're gonna lose him.

You cut him off now.

- Come on, Mel, your life depends on it.

- Pull!

- All right, man.

Mel, they're coming, come on, push!

- One heck of a point.

What's it for?

- Tranquilizer dart, you moron.

Hold still, now.

- That's Bailey up there, he's shooting at us.

- Take this thing down close

so I can get a better shot.

- We surrender!

We surrender.

- No! - Surrender, no Mom!

What are you talking about?

- Hold your fire, Mr. Silverwood.

- No, we're not surrendering, no.

- There's nothing else we can do.

- Take us down.

Take him Andrew, take him now.

Okay, hold it right there.

Sheriff.

- Wait a minute--

- Arrest these women.

You boys are in a bunch of trouble now.

- Dad!

- Grandpa!

Get your hands off my kids.

- Go on.

- Peter, don't hit him, Peter.

Oh, you hurt him!

Are you okay?

- Let's go!

- Honey, are you okay?

- Hey, about time for your head

to go up on my wall.

- My god, they're headed for the falls!

- Oh Mel!

- Hold on, kids!

- Woah!

Oh my gosh, the waterfall.

Oh God, I promise I'll go to church

if you get me outta this.

- Just don't look down!

- Woah! - We're flying!

- Look.

- That son of a gun.

I knew it all the time, I knew he could fly!

- Wow! - All right, Mel!

- Awesome, yeah Mel! - All right.

- Did this really just happen?

- Yeah, but Roger, on our next date

can we go to dinner and a movie instead?

You got yourself a deal.

- Mel, you're the best!

And now I have to go to church.

- Oh geez.

- Mel, you did it!

I knew you could fly.

- Great job! - Good job, Mel.

- How'd you get him outta there?

- What?

- How'd you get him outta there?

- Ah, technicality.

- Here Bailey, Bailey, grab this.

- I don't need you. - Come on, grab it.

Damn it, grab it!

Grab that thing.

- Why are you doing this, Bill?

- Just because I can't stand to watch a man die.

Come on, grab it.

Get up here.

Up, come on up.

Up, come on.

Get up, atta boy.

Oh that lamp, put it in the barn.

If I had known you had such bad taste,

I'da never invited you to come up here.

You're not gonna believe this house

when I'm done with it.

You don't touch anything in that house,

and it's good to have you back home.

- Well it's good to be back home, Dad.

- Well, that's about it, boys.

Come on, pack your bags, we're going to Swanson Lake.

All right!

- Hey, you can't go up there without me.

- Yeah, the boys will show me the way.

- Are you kidding?

Heh, that'll be the day.

- Looks like trouble.

- Better get inside, boy.

What is it, Bailey?

- I'm not too good at this, Bill,

so I'll just get down to it.

Just came by to let you know

that all charges have been dropped.

You don't have to worry about your property no more.

You ain't gonna see no more construction

around here neither.

I give you my word.

Also, I,

I'd like to thank you

for saving my life.

- Like I've always said, I know there's some good

in every man.

Pleasure to meet ya, Bailey.

God bless ya.

- Thank ya, sir.

Good day.

- See ya around.

- Yes sir.

Let's go, nephew.

Yes sir, Uncle Bailey.

Night, boys.

Goodnight, Grandpa.

Goodnight Grandpa, goodnight Dad.

Goodnight everybody.

Night, Mel.

Goodnight.

♫ Won't ya tell me what's the matter with me

♫ It's somethin' that I just can't see in the mirror

♫ When I look at myself

♫ Cause I'm real confused

♫ If that's the word to describe it

♫ I'm a normal hard working guy

♫ Life's about getting by in the world

♫ Not a whole lotta luck

♫ Please tell me if you know

♫ What's the matter with me

♫ I need to know what's the matter with me

♫ If there's a problem, I can fix it ya see

♫ My life's a puzzle that's a missin' a piece

♫ Or so I've been told

♫ Comin' at me from my TV

♫ Some guy with a get-rich scheme preachin' at me

♫ What's the matter with me

♫ I don't drive a Mercedes Benz

♫ Blue collar is the crowd I'm in and I'm happy

♫ Being just who I am

♫ No need to ask myself

♫ Nothin's wrong with me

♫ No need to know what's the matter with me

♫ If nothin's broken, why fix it ya see

♫ Life's a puzzle for you and me

♫ And this we know

♫ No thanks, don't need no help

♫ To try to outdo everybody else

♫ For the love of money

♫ Nothin's wrong you see

♫ No need to know what's the matter with me

♫ If nothin's broken, why fix it ya see

♫ Life's a puzzle for you and me

♫ And this we know

♫ So no thanks, don't need no help

♫ To try to outdo everybody else

♫ For the love of money

♫ Nothin's wrong with you

♫ No need to ask yourself

♫ Nothin's wrong with me

♫ Oh ho, nothin's wrong with me

♫ Nothin's wrong