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1
00:00:02,585 --> 00:00:05,286
Wasn't that the turn
for our polling station?
2
00:00:05,371 --> 00:00:07,379
Why, no, young man.
3
00:00:07,540 --> 00:00:11,567
We-- We know
a shorter route to your--
4
00:00:11,594 --> 00:00:14,044
to our Democratic
polling station.
5
00:00:14,118 --> 00:00:16,291
You know how us Democrats
like a shortcut,
6
00:00:16,346 --> 00:00:19,037
like government spending
to prop up the economy.
7
00:00:19,092 --> 00:00:22,190
There's nothing more we love
than those federal programs.
8
00:00:22,855 --> 00:00:24,771
You two are Democrats,
aren't you?
9
00:00:24,815 --> 00:00:25,847
What?
10
00:00:27,109 --> 00:00:28,275
Of course we are.
11
00:00:28,361 --> 00:00:30,194
You see the color of our skin,
don't you?
12
00:00:30,229 --> 00:00:32,529
How could we
not blindly vote Democratic?
13
00:00:32,565 --> 00:00:34,756
- I mean, that would be ridiculous.
- Whatever.
14
00:00:34,823 --> 00:00:37,067
All I know is my polling place
closes in 15 minutes.
15
00:00:37,119 --> 00:00:38,869
- Why, that would be terrible.
- Awful.
16
00:00:38,904 --> 00:00:41,511
I mean, how are you going to
elect tax-and-spend politicians
17
00:00:41,574 --> 00:00:42,956
if you can't vote?
18
00:00:43,042 --> 00:00:46,243
It's hard enough to vote
with all those voter I.D. laws.
19
00:00:46,328 --> 00:00:47,661
- Republicans.
- Argh!
20
00:00:47,747 --> 00:00:51,081
Those gosh-darn Republicans.
21
00:00:51,133 --> 00:00:53,884
- I know. I'm just like, "Grr!"
- Yeah, ten and two, Douglas.
22
00:00:53,919 --> 00:00:55,141
- Right.
- You know what?
23
00:00:55,159 --> 00:00:57,567
If there were any Republicans
here, whoa-ho-ho-oh,
24
00:00:57,623 --> 00:00:59,089
I'd be pissed.
25
00:00:59,141 --> 00:01:00,874
- I'd be royally pissed.
- Me too. Me too.
26
00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:03,060
In fact, I would take
their hard-fought principles,
27
00:01:03,095 --> 00:01:05,345
and I'd shove it
right up their keisters.
28
00:01:05,431 --> 00:01:06,897
Of course you would.
29
00:01:06,932 --> 00:01:10,100
We seem to be driving
in circles.
30
00:01:10,186 --> 00:01:12,820
Don't worry.
We're almost there.
31
00:01:14,323 --> 00:01:17,157
Look, it appears
we've hit somebody.
32
00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:19,359
We should get out and help him.
33
00:01:19,445 --> 00:01:21,695
Oh!
Oh, my leg!
34
00:01:21,781 --> 00:01:22,780
Oh, my leg.
35
00:01:22,832 --> 00:01:24,281
Oopsy daisy. Oopsy daisy.
36
00:01:24,333 --> 00:01:26,083
Here you go.
37
00:01:26,118 --> 00:01:27,701
I am pissed.
38
00:01:27,787 --> 00:01:29,920
I am royally pissed.
39
00:01:29,955 --> 00:01:32,756
Now, although it was only
this one man's fault,
40
00:01:32,792 --> 00:01:35,042
I will be using
all of your tax dollars
41
00:01:35,127 --> 00:01:36,710
to get healthy,
42
00:01:36,796 --> 00:01:38,629
thanks to the Affordable
Healthcare Act.
43
00:01:38,714 --> 00:01:40,180
I know it doesn't seem fair,
44
00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:42,883
but that's supposedly the law
of the land nowadays.
45
00:01:42,968 --> 00:01:45,385
- That's what I've heard.
- You don't look that hurt.
46
00:01:45,471 --> 00:01:47,805
Why y'all wearing
those same leather jackets
47
00:01:47,857 --> 00:01:49,106
and those dad jeans?
48
00:01:49,141 --> 00:01:50,808
Disperse!
49
00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:59,589
Black Republican
motherfuckers!
50
00:02:21,233 --> 00:02:24,269
Sync & corrections by dwigt
51
00:02:25,311 --> 00:02:27,594
If we were criminals on--
52
00:02:30,349 --> 00:02:33,317
on a trip to create mayhem,
53
00:02:33,352 --> 00:02:37,020
what-- what style criminal do you
think you would be?
54
00:02:37,072 --> 00:02:39,273
I might try to go that
Natural Born Killers situation.
55
00:02:39,358 --> 00:02:41,078
- Yeah, yeah, right.
- You know what I mean?
56
00:02:41,110 --> 00:02:42,693
- Well, they were lovers.
- I don't mean--
57
00:02:42,745 --> 00:02:44,194
- No, that's crazy.
- They were having sex.
58
00:02:44,246 --> 00:02:45,337
We wouldn't necessarily
do that.
59
00:02:45,389 --> 00:02:47,197
- So what do you mean by that?
- You know what made me say it?
60
00:02:47,249 --> 00:02:49,032
You said mayhem, and they
were just wreaking mayhem.
61
00:02:49,118 --> 00:02:50,534
No, but the first thing
that came to your head
62
00:02:50,586 --> 00:02:51,702
was a couple...
63
00:02:51,787 --> 00:02:53,267
- But that's--
- that murdered people.
64
00:02:53,339 --> 00:02:54,922
But that's not what I was
thinking about when I said it.
65
00:02:55,007 --> 00:02:56,599
I was thinking about the fact
that they were spreading
66
00:02:56,643 --> 00:02:58,041
mayhem all over the jim jam.
67
00:02:58,093 --> 00:02:59,670
Dude, you're not thinking
about it.
68
00:02:59,693 --> 00:03:02,373
You might as well
have said a porn movie.
69
00:03:06,769 --> 00:03:09,386
It's a weird one--
nothing out of place,
70
00:03:09,471 --> 00:03:11,388
- no murder weapon.
- And no motive.
71
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:14,691
There's just a couple
lying dead in their bed.
72
00:03:14,727 --> 00:03:16,977
The proof is always
out there, detectives.
73
00:03:17,062 --> 00:03:19,313
You just have to know
where to find the pudding.
74
00:03:19,398 --> 00:03:21,291
Excuse me, sir, you can't be
here-- this is a crime scene.
75
00:03:21,354 --> 00:03:23,483
Samwell, it's okay.
76
00:03:23,569 --> 00:03:26,954
He's the greatest sex-crime
investigator in history.
77
00:03:27,039 --> 00:03:28,238
If it isn't
detective Chuck Vaughan.
78
00:03:28,324 --> 00:03:29,873
Detective Sally Ferguson.
79
00:03:29,909 --> 00:03:31,523
We could use a genius
right now.
80
00:03:31,646 --> 00:03:33,657
Tom Samwell.
81
00:03:34,413 --> 00:03:36,079
What have we got, Samwell?
82
00:03:36,165 --> 00:03:38,966
Well, Vaughan, we've got
ourselves a hard case here.
83
00:03:39,051 --> 00:03:41,585
- All we've got is--
- Two bodies, both dead, naked--
84
00:03:41,670 --> 00:03:44,254
one man, one woman in the bed,
85
00:03:44,340 --> 00:03:46,173
two scented candles
by the nightstand.
86
00:03:46,258 --> 00:03:47,391
- How did you--
- Shh.
87
00:03:47,426 --> 00:03:50,093
No sign of forced entry.
88
00:03:50,179 --> 00:03:51,395
He loved the way they smelled.
89
00:03:53,265 --> 00:03:54,731
He wanted to cross
the threshold
90
00:03:54,767 --> 00:03:56,984
the way they had
on their wedding day.
91
00:03:57,069 --> 00:03:59,770
You dirty dog.
92
00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:05,275
He would've experienced
that pleasure right here.
93
00:04:15,287 --> 00:04:17,788
Anniversary-- the couple
was together for a while,
94
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:20,958
wanted to spice things up.
95
00:04:21,043 --> 00:04:22,843
Check the date
on the photograph.
96
00:04:28,684 --> 00:04:29,967
Vaughan's right.
97
00:04:30,052 --> 00:04:32,185
Today was their 15th wedding
anniversary.
98
00:04:32,271 --> 00:04:33,804
This is huge.
99
00:04:33,889 --> 00:04:36,640
And what the fuck was that?
100
00:04:36,725 --> 00:04:38,308
You just pulled your dick out
101
00:04:38,394 --> 00:04:40,978
and started jerking off
at the crime scene.
102
00:04:41,063 --> 00:04:43,458
Samwell, he's the best there is.
103
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:45,899
By putting himself
in the perpetrator's mind-set,
104
00:04:45,985 --> 00:04:48,151
he's able to solve crimes
that involve sex.
105
00:04:48,203 --> 00:04:49,319
Bag this up.
106
00:04:49,405 --> 00:04:52,289
Some call it a blessing.
107
00:04:52,324 --> 00:04:53,707
It's more like a curse.
108
00:04:53,792 --> 00:04:55,125
Is that what it feels like?
109
00:04:57,329 --> 00:04:58,745
Threesome.
110
00:05:03,466 --> 00:05:05,135
You wanted to see them,
didn't you?
111
00:05:05,170 --> 00:05:07,888
You wanted to watch.
112
00:05:07,973 --> 00:05:12,509
25 feet from the bedroom,
across the kitchen, you...
113
00:05:14,179 --> 00:05:17,347
You didn't want
to see their flesh yet, did you?
114
00:05:17,399 --> 00:05:21,268
No. He stood right here.
115
00:05:34,366 --> 00:05:35,999
Role play gone wrong.
116
00:05:36,035 --> 00:05:38,535
Check the logs.
117
00:05:43,959 --> 00:05:45,926
We've got a bloody fire poker.
118
00:05:46,011 --> 00:05:48,045
We've got our murder weapon.
119
00:05:48,130 --> 00:05:53,266
Um, why do your revelations
require masturbation?
120
00:05:53,352 --> 00:05:54,885
Why do kittens require milk?
121
00:05:54,937 --> 00:05:57,220
- Nope, not the same thing.
- Hey.
122
00:05:57,272 --> 00:06:01,108
Hey, he's the most brilliant
goddamn detective I know.
123
00:06:01,193 --> 00:06:03,527
Put your ego aside
and give Vaughan his space.
124
00:06:03,577 --> 00:06:06,730
My ego?
We got Captain Pudpuller
125
00:06:06,782 --> 00:06:08,699
flinging his fluids
all over the crime scene.
126
00:06:08,734 --> 00:06:09,866
Wait.
127
00:06:09,902 --> 00:06:12,703
He knew them.
128
00:06:12,738 --> 00:06:13,987
He--
129
00:06:14,073 --> 00:06:16,907
They were close, so close,
too close.
130
00:06:16,992 --> 00:06:20,243
He-- He...
131
00:06:20,295 --> 00:06:24,297
I think he knew the house.
132
00:06:24,383 --> 00:06:27,134
Why?
133
00:06:27,219 --> 00:06:31,421
What did you want,
you sick bastard?
134
00:06:31,473 --> 00:06:34,591
You wanted to see...
135
00:06:34,643 --> 00:06:37,677
What he saw every day...
136
00:06:37,763 --> 00:06:40,063
Only closer...
137
00:06:40,099 --> 00:06:41,598
Closer.
138
00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,186
He was close to home.
139
00:07:01,036 --> 00:07:02,953
There's our man.
140
00:07:03,005 --> 00:07:04,454
All right, let's go get him.
141
00:07:04,540 --> 00:07:06,233
- Go, go!
- How did you--
142
00:07:09,803 --> 00:07:12,629
Vaughan, that was amazing.
143
00:07:12,714 --> 00:07:15,799
I'm sorry that I doubted you.
144
00:07:15,884 --> 00:07:19,136
Your methods
are unorthodox, but...
145
00:07:19,188 --> 00:07:20,887
I cannot argue
with your results.
146
00:07:23,308 --> 00:07:24,474
No hard feelings?
147
00:07:24,526 --> 00:07:26,026
Uh, no, nope,
not gonna do that.
148
00:07:30,890 --> 00:07:33,110
I only got cable, like,
in the '90s.
149
00:07:33,146 --> 00:07:34,445
That's the best time
for cable.
150
00:07:34,480 --> 00:07:37,481
Best time for cable,
especially on Cinemax.
151
00:07:37,567 --> 00:07:41,118
Cinemax didn't be showing
nothing but soft-core porn.
152
00:07:41,154 --> 00:07:43,154
This is what bugs me
about these movies.
153
00:07:43,206 --> 00:07:44,822
- It's an action movie.
- Mm-hmm.
154
00:07:44,907 --> 00:07:46,991
In the first scene,
the wife always dies.
155
00:07:47,043 --> 00:07:48,492
Mm-hmm.
156
00:07:48,578 --> 00:07:51,162
And then they're reluctant to
get into this new relationship
157
00:07:51,214 --> 00:07:52,746
with this hot, young
journalist...
158
00:07:52,832 --> 00:07:56,667
- Right, right. Excuse me.
- ...who's covering the--you know.
159
00:07:56,719 --> 00:07:59,134
- Kumite?
- Kumite, thank you.
160
00:07:59,255 --> 00:08:01,005
Mm-hmm.
161
00:08:01,090 --> 00:08:03,674
And it's-- to me,
it's always an excuse to, like,
162
00:08:03,759 --> 00:08:08,117
live the dream of having
"two different women,
163
00:08:08,211 --> 00:08:09,794
"a brunette and a blonde.
164
00:08:09,879 --> 00:08:13,619
"Then I reluctantly have
to have sex with both of them..."
165
00:08:13,664 --> 00:08:15,144
With both these gorgeous
women, right.
166
00:08:15,195 --> 00:08:16,444
- During this hour and a half.
- Right.
167
00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:17,540
Right, right, right,
right, right.
168
00:08:17,552 --> 00:08:19,702
- "No! My wife died."
- Yeah.
169
00:08:20,443 --> 00:08:22,826
"And now this reporter
170
00:08:22,862 --> 00:08:25,029
"is trying to sleep
with me months later."
171
00:08:25,081 --> 00:08:26,363
Right.
Right, right, right.
172
00:08:26,449 --> 00:08:29,932
"I have to give in.
It's too much."
173
00:09:10,776 --> 00:09:12,743
Front of house is clear.
174
00:09:12,812 --> 00:09:14,378
Huh?
Did you hear that?
175
00:09:19,051 --> 00:09:21,085
Must've been nothing.
176
00:09:40,773 --> 00:09:43,140
Back patio's clear.
177
00:10:54,947 --> 00:10:56,513
Shh.
178
00:11:06,158 --> 00:11:08,025
Now it's my turn to play.
179
00:11:39,291 --> 00:11:40,491
Oh.
180
00:11:43,929 --> 00:11:45,362
Carol.
181
00:11:45,431 --> 00:11:47,598
Teague!
182
00:11:47,666 --> 00:11:51,635
I thought I killed you
the first time, Mr. Teague.
183
00:11:51,704 --> 00:11:55,339
I promise I will not make
the same mistake twice.
184
00:12:02,515 --> 00:12:05,249
You are a good cop,
Mr. Teague,
185
00:12:05,317 --> 00:12:07,418
but a lousy fighter.
186
00:12:07,486 --> 00:12:09,353
Ugh! Ah!
187
00:12:09,422 --> 00:12:12,222
Ugh! Ugh! Oh! Ugh!
188
00:12:12,291 --> 00:12:15,058
Ugh! Oh! Ugh! Oh! Ugh!
189
00:12:15,127 --> 00:12:16,593
Oh!
190
00:12:19,298 --> 00:12:22,433
No! Teague!
191
00:12:22,501 --> 00:12:23,734
No!
192
00:12:25,971 --> 00:12:28,672
Oh, snap, Mr. Teague.
193
00:12:35,247 --> 00:12:37,414
Snap indeed.
194
00:12:40,719 --> 00:12:44,455
Oh.
195
00:12:49,660 --> 00:12:51,760
Teague...
196
00:12:51,881 --> 00:12:53,247
You saved my life.
197
00:12:53,419 --> 00:12:55,553
No, Carol...
198
00:12:55,569 --> 00:12:57,002
You saved mine.
199
00:13:09,748 --> 00:13:11,915
Oh.
200
00:13:11,984 --> 00:13:13,417
Oh, shit.
201
00:13:13,486 --> 00:13:15,052
Oh, shit.
202
00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:22,559
That's just--
203
00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:42,223
Good evening,
my fellow Americans.
204
00:13:42,814 --> 00:13:45,732
With me, as always,
is my anger translator, Luther.
205
00:13:45,784 --> 00:13:47,734
- What it do?
- Oh.
206
00:13:47,819 --> 00:13:51,654
As you know,
for the past six years, uh...
207
00:13:51,740 --> 00:13:53,740
I've received my fair share
of criticism
208
00:13:53,825 --> 00:13:55,241
from the Republican Party.
209
00:13:55,327 --> 00:13:57,660
I can't even give Malia
an allowance
210
00:13:57,746 --> 00:14:01,164
without them accusing me
of wealth redistribution!
211
00:14:01,249 --> 00:14:03,750
It's all part
of rough-and-tumble politics.
212
00:14:03,802 --> 00:14:07,837
I hate you!
213
00:14:07,922 --> 00:14:12,308
Uh, in recent years,
I've also received a good amount
214
00:14:12,394 --> 00:14:14,978
of criticism
from my fellow Democrats.
215
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:16,929
Oh, my God,
these motherfuckers right here--
216
00:14:16,982 --> 00:14:19,932
How am I s-- Oh.
217
00:14:19,985 --> 00:14:21,484
Do these-- I'm gonna get 'em.
218
00:14:21,569 --> 00:14:23,102
I'm gonna get these--
219
00:14:23,188 --> 00:14:24,604
Tell me--
220
00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:26,906
I'ma-- Not you, though.
221
00:14:28,827 --> 00:14:32,078
I'ma bust all you niggers
in the lip.
222
00:14:32,113 --> 00:14:34,163
Now, I know
223
00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:36,416
the right to express
one's opinion
224
00:14:36,451 --> 00:14:38,534
about the powers that be
225
00:14:38,620 --> 00:14:41,294
is the very thing
that makes this country great.
226
00:14:41,352 --> 00:14:43,539
Like I ain't got enough
shit to do!
227
00:14:43,625 --> 00:14:45,925
We got a James Bond villain
running Russia!
228
00:14:45,960 --> 00:14:47,710
I got a Congress
full of tea baggers!
229
00:14:47,796 --> 00:14:50,013
The Earth is burning up!
230
00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:52,732
And now I got to deal with
all these whiny-ass biotches
231
00:14:52,782 --> 00:14:54,100
from my own party!
232
00:14:54,623 --> 00:14:57,834
Some have cited
my inability to make good
233
00:14:57,896 --> 00:15:00,392
on my campaign promise
to, uh...
234
00:15:01,597 --> 00:15:02,880
close Guantanamo Bay.
235
00:15:02,965 --> 00:15:04,631
Congress shut me down!
236
00:15:04,717 --> 00:15:06,383
I'm a president, y'all!
237
00:15:06,468 --> 00:15:08,914
I'm a president, not a king!
238
00:15:08,983 --> 00:15:10,387
They checked
and balanced my ass!
239
00:15:10,472 --> 00:15:13,357
I mean, goddamn!
240
00:15:13,971 --> 00:15:16,643
And then there are those
on the left
241
00:15:16,695 --> 00:15:19,363
who have criticized
my continued usage
242
00:15:19,448 --> 00:15:20,564
of drone strikes.
243
00:15:20,649 --> 00:15:21,913
You know what?
244
00:15:22,026 --> 00:15:24,276
Y'all can't have it
both ways, man!
245
00:15:24,567 --> 00:15:27,235
What do you-- You can't have
the soldiers coming home
246
00:15:27,320 --> 00:15:29,904
hugging the moms
and then also at the same time
247
00:15:29,956 --> 00:15:31,405
have me killing--
248
00:15:31,491 --> 00:15:33,574
with the-- in the caves!
249
00:15:33,626 --> 00:15:35,906
Y'all should be
embracing this technology
250
00:15:35,956 --> 00:15:37,289
'cause it's
pretty amazing, man.
251
00:15:37,345 --> 00:15:39,190
It's awesome. All you got to do
is pick up the phone
252
00:15:39,277 --> 00:15:41,082
and say, "Excuse me, I'd like
to order two dead terrorists."
253
00:15:41,158 --> 00:15:42,981
Blip.
Kablam!
254
00:15:43,018 --> 00:15:44,385
- Luther.
- It's amazing!
255
00:15:44,506 --> 00:15:47,180
I mean, we can murder people
256
00:15:47,204 --> 00:15:49,056
with flying robots!
257
00:15:49,144 --> 00:15:50,037
Luther, Luther--
258
00:15:50,092 --> 00:15:51,532
It's like we
in Star Wars world, dog.
259
00:15:51,589 --> 00:15:52,814
And I'm Darth Vader
up in this bitch.
260
00:15:52,815 --> 00:15:54,848
I'm like-- I know you are--
261
00:16:02,922 --> 00:16:06,007
Luther, what is wrong
in your head?
262
00:16:06,207 --> 00:16:09,208
Why would you compare
the president
263
00:16:09,301 --> 00:16:11,969
to one
of the lords of the Sith?
264
00:16:14,753 --> 00:16:17,120
Thank you and good night.
265
00:16:23,010 --> 00:16:27,846
If Obama needed to snuggle,
I'd snuggle.
266
00:16:27,931 --> 00:16:30,382
Yeah, I'd spoon
the president in a second.
267
00:16:30,467 --> 00:16:32,267
You would get spooned
by the president.
268
00:16:32,302 --> 00:16:34,186
- Uh-oh.
- You can't--you can't risk
269
00:16:34,271 --> 00:16:37,305
Paparazzi coming up
and seeing you spooning him.
270
00:16:37,358 --> 00:16:40,192
Yeah, but that'd be a boost
for my career.
271
00:16:40,277 --> 00:16:41,643
Any of this, any moment.
272
00:16:41,695 --> 00:16:44,980
In any configuration,
spoon, spooner, or spoonee...
273
00:16:45,065 --> 00:16:46,398
- You're gonna be--
- I'm in good shape.
274
00:16:46,483 --> 00:16:48,316
You're like
a modern-day Marilyn Monroe.
275
00:16:48,369 --> 00:16:50,569
Oh, hell, yeah. I'm on the
cover of In Touch for a week.
276
00:16:50,621 --> 00:16:52,537
Talk about happy birthday,
mr. President.
277
00:16:52,623 --> 00:16:55,123
Yeah, I'm in just--
you kidding me?
278
00:16:55,159 --> 00:16:57,075
Get up in there
and get some slippers on.
279
00:16:57,161 --> 00:16:58,561
Play a little basketball
beforehand.
280
00:16:58,629 --> 00:16:59,828
Take a shower.
281
00:16:59,913 --> 00:17:01,997
Put on the night clothes.
282
00:17:02,049 --> 00:17:03,665
You ready, O?
You ready, Barama?
283
00:17:03,717 --> 00:17:04,716
Barama.
284
00:17:10,772 --> 00:17:12,567
So you got to keep
the toppings full.
285
00:17:12,652 --> 00:17:15,059
Okay, got it.
I'm on top of that.
286
00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:16,645
You gonna fit in
just fine here.
287
00:17:16,945 --> 00:17:18,962
Hey, someday...
288
00:17:19,047 --> 00:17:20,964
That might be your picture
on the wall.
289
00:17:21,049 --> 00:17:23,883
Oh, employee of the year.
290
00:17:23,969 --> 00:17:25,218
When does she work?
291
00:17:25,270 --> 00:17:26,519
What?
292
00:17:26,555 --> 00:17:29,556
I was just wondering
when she works.
293
00:17:29,641 --> 00:17:33,810
Girl, it's me.
294
00:17:33,895 --> 00:17:36,396
Oh...
295
00:17:36,448 --> 00:17:38,565
Congrats.
296
00:17:38,650 --> 00:17:41,368
Now, here's the best part
about working at a yogurt shop,
297
00:17:41,403 --> 00:17:43,087
is you get
all the free froyo you want.
298
00:17:43,209 --> 00:17:44,287
Mm-hmm.
299
00:17:44,373 --> 00:17:46,239
And you can't believe
how delicious it is
300
00:17:46,291 --> 00:17:47,323
and also fat free.
301
00:17:47,409 --> 00:17:49,125
Thank God,
because my boyfriend--
302
00:17:49,211 --> 00:17:51,327
He just got back
from his tour in Afghanistan,
303
00:17:51,413 --> 00:17:53,163
and he's coming here
to pick me up.
304
00:17:53,248 --> 00:17:55,850
He should be here in a minute.
I haven't seen him in a year.
305
00:17:57,085 --> 00:17:58,551
A whole year, you say.
306
00:17:58,587 --> 00:18:01,554
Mm-hmm. Have some.
307
00:18:01,590 --> 00:18:03,590
I'm good.
308
00:18:03,642 --> 00:18:05,642
Now, if you need a extra shirt
or anything,
309
00:18:05,727 --> 00:18:08,261
they gonna be in there,
because these seem to shrink.
310
00:18:08,346 --> 00:18:09,429
- Uh-huh.
- Okay, you know what, girl?
311
00:18:09,514 --> 00:18:11,514
I can't get enough
of this stuff.
312
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:13,400
I mean, you should have some.
It's free.
313
00:18:13,435 --> 00:18:16,519
No, I'm okay.
I'm-- I'll have some later.
314
00:18:16,605 --> 00:18:19,272
Come on, girl, it's fat free.
315
00:18:22,110 --> 00:18:24,220
Hi. I just got back
from Afghanistan.
316
00:18:24,314 --> 00:18:25,954
I'm here looking
for my girlfriend, Latia.
317
00:18:26,009 --> 00:18:26,946
Aah!
318
00:18:27,032 --> 00:18:28,531
Baby!
319
00:18:30,335 --> 00:18:32,168
Baby, what-- what?
It's me.
320
00:18:32,254 --> 00:18:34,003
No, it's not.
321
00:18:34,089 --> 00:18:37,257
What? It's me.
322
00:18:37,292 --> 00:18:38,958
Apparently she doesn't work
here anymore.
323
00:18:39,044 --> 00:18:40,460
Thanks.
324
00:18:40,512 --> 00:18:43,296
What?
325
00:18:43,788 --> 00:18:46,599
Oh, my God!
He's leaving me!
326
00:18:46,635 --> 00:18:49,686
Desmona, is he leaving me?
Desmona, why would he leave me?
327
00:18:49,771 --> 00:18:53,640
What-- What possible reason could
there be for him leaving me?
328
00:18:53,725 --> 00:18:56,609
For him leaving me?
329
00:18:56,645 --> 00:18:59,479
Maybe he--
maybe he got that PSD. PSD.
330
00:18:59,564 --> 00:19:02,232
- What? Oh, you mean the PTSDs?
- The PTSDs.
331
00:19:02,317 --> 00:19:05,702
You mean the post-traumatic
stress disorder.
332
00:19:05,787 --> 00:19:07,737
It's got to be that.
333
00:19:07,823 --> 00:19:10,871
Oh, my God!
My baby got the PTSD!
334
00:19:11,660 --> 00:19:13,243
My baby got the PTSD!
335
00:19:13,328 --> 00:19:16,796
That could be the only reason!
336
00:19:16,832 --> 00:19:18,665
Oh, my baby!
337
00:19:18,717 --> 00:19:22,552
My poor, poor baby
got the PTSDs!
338
00:19:22,637 --> 00:19:25,004
Oh, my baby!
339
00:19:35,817 --> 00:19:37,066
Ain't nobody caring
about centaurs.
340
00:19:37,152 --> 00:19:38,601
These dudes just running
around raping women.
341
00:19:38,687 --> 00:19:39,986
- Centaurs?
- Human women.
342
00:19:40,021 --> 00:19:41,354
Oh, yeah, them too.
They were bad at it.
343
00:19:41,439 --> 00:19:43,990
How does a centaur
even have sex with a human?
344
00:19:44,025 --> 00:19:45,191
Oh, they do it.
345
00:19:45,243 --> 00:19:49,612
If I was a woman
and I saw a centaur,
346
00:19:49,698 --> 00:19:51,447
why would I not get up on that?
347
00:19:51,533 --> 00:19:54,334
The dude is half man,
half horse.
348
00:19:54,369 --> 00:19:56,202
- You would want--wait.
- I'm just saying.
349
00:19:56,288 --> 00:19:57,954
You're saying
if you were a woman--
350
00:19:58,027 --> 00:19:59,255
If I'm a woman
351
00:19:59,327 --> 00:20:01,827
and the centaur had a really
nice personality, you know...
352
00:20:02,294 --> 00:20:04,594
Personality aside,
what are you saying?
353
00:20:04,679 --> 00:20:05,962
You know
exactly what I'm saying.
354
00:20:06,047 --> 00:20:07,263
The dude is half man...
355
00:20:07,349 --> 00:20:09,265
You would fuck a horse.
356
00:20:09,351 --> 00:20:12,051
Half-- No.
Half man, half horse.
357
00:20:12,137 --> 00:20:14,270
So you're saying
you want to have sex with a--
358
00:20:14,356 --> 00:20:16,356
The important half is a--
is the horse half,
359
00:20:16,391 --> 00:20:18,231
but then you have a man
connected in there too.
360
00:20:18,282 --> 00:20:19,275
That's all I'm saying.
361
00:20:19,361 --> 00:20:21,778
Dude, that is the craziest,
sickest shit
362
00:20:21,863 --> 00:20:23,343
you've ever said
in your fucking life.
363
00:20:23,365 --> 00:20:25,281
I'm talking
about a mythological creature.
364
00:20:25,367 --> 00:20:27,566
Dude, you could've said
"I would have sex
365
00:20:27,591 --> 00:20:29,790
"with a female centaur",
and just that.
366
00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:31,985
I would-- I wouldn't have sex
with a female centaur.
367
00:20:32,021 --> 00:20:34,377
But then, you would have sex
with a male centaur.
368
00:20:34,378 --> 00:20:37,631
If I-- If, perhaps, I was a woman,
and I had that--
369
00:20:37,719 --> 00:20:39,719
Didn't you see Fantasia?
370
00:20:40,076 --> 00:20:42,840
- Yeah.
- Those female centaurs was hot.
371
00:20:42,889 --> 00:20:44,418
Oh, my God. I--
372
00:20:44,529 --> 00:20:46,129
- But okay. No, I got you.
- I'm saying--
373
00:20:46,155 --> 00:20:47,865
You'd rather have sex
with a male centaur
374
00:20:47,877 --> 00:20:49,525
- than a female centaur.
- Not me.
375
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:51,612
♪ I'm gonna do my one line here ♪
376
00:20:51,675 --> 00:20:53,301
Oh, yeah!
377
00:20:53,463 --> 00:20:57,147
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27049
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