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1
00:00:03,717 --> 00:00:06,668
I understand this is
your first professional massage?
2
00:00:06,754 --> 00:00:08,921
- That's right. Mm-hmm.
- Okay.
3
00:00:09,006 --> 00:00:10,457
I want to make you aware
of some things
4
00:00:10,520 --> 00:00:11,816
that may or may not happen,
5
00:00:11,842 --> 00:00:14,393
but there's no need
to feel embarrassed if they do.
6
00:00:14,428 --> 00:00:15,727
Okay.
7
00:00:15,763 --> 00:00:17,980
- Things such as crying.
- Really?
8
00:00:18,065 --> 00:00:19,264
Mm, oh, yes.
9
00:00:19,316 --> 00:00:22,901
Massage can release
pent-up emotions.
10
00:00:22,937 --> 00:00:26,855
Also, not uncommon
is the release of gas.
11
00:00:26,941 --> 00:00:27,906
Like farting?
12
00:00:27,942 --> 00:00:29,858
That's right, like farting.
13
00:00:29,944 --> 00:00:32,111
- Also, erections.
- Really?
14
00:00:32,196 --> 00:00:33,732
- Yeah.
- I didn't know that.
15
00:00:33,810 --> 00:00:35,235
Let's get started.
16
00:00:43,290 --> 00:00:45,124
Well, at least
you didn't get a--
17
00:00:45,209 --> 00:00:46,675
There it is.
18
00:01:08,433 --> 00:01:11,709
Sync & corrections by dwigt
19
00:01:11,986 --> 00:01:13,652
So what's
the craziest biblical name?
20
00:01:13,737 --> 00:01:16,989
One of the best names
in the Bible is Nimrod.
21
00:01:17,074 --> 00:01:18,540
Don't think that didn't come
from the Bible.
22
00:01:18,626 --> 00:01:20,159
And what,
is that the character that just,
23
00:01:20,211 --> 00:01:22,327
- like, [bleep] up?
- No, you know what?
24
00:01:22,379 --> 00:01:25,797
Nimrod, Nimrod is--
25
00:01:25,833 --> 00:01:27,332
Nimrod is a mighty warrior.
26
00:01:27,384 --> 00:01:29,406
There's a high school basketball
team in Northern Michigan
27
00:01:29,454 --> 00:01:30,586
called the Nimrods.
28
00:01:30,671 --> 00:01:33,005
Can you imagine
having to be like,
29
00:01:33,057 --> 00:01:35,924
"Who a Nimrod?
We Nimrods!"
30
00:01:55,029 --> 00:01:57,162
Here we come, son.
Here we come.
31
00:01:57,198 --> 00:01:59,364
Hut!
32
00:02:39,573 --> 00:02:40,739
Man, you feeling all right?
33
00:02:40,791 --> 00:02:43,909
Yeah, I'm fine, man!
34
00:02:43,994 --> 00:02:46,245
Let's go, let's go!
35
00:02:46,330 --> 00:02:48,547
- Come on!
- Let's go, man!
36
00:02:48,582 --> 00:02:50,415
Man, what are we doing
out there?
37
00:02:50,501 --> 00:02:52,918
What are we doing out there,
huh?
38
00:02:53,003 --> 00:02:54,253
Because I don't know.
39
00:02:54,338 --> 00:02:55,804
No, seriously,
what-- what are we doing?
40
00:02:55,889 --> 00:02:58,423
What-- What are we doing?
41
00:02:58,509 --> 00:02:59,925
- Playing football?
- Okay, yeah.
42
00:03:00,010 --> 00:03:01,476
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
43
00:03:01,562 --> 00:03:04,680
that's it, man.
Playing football, yeah?
44
00:03:04,765 --> 00:03:06,982
Yo, Eqqsquizitine.
45
00:03:07,067 --> 00:03:09,401
You need to let the medics
take a look at you, man.
46
00:03:09,436 --> 00:03:11,486
Dude, I'm all right, man.
I'm fine.
47
00:03:11,572 --> 00:03:12,988
Shoot.
48
00:03:13,073 --> 00:03:14,523
I'm here,
49
00:03:14,808 --> 00:03:16,441
And I'm ready to do this, man.
50
00:03:16,477 --> 00:03:19,027
- All right.
- What about you all, man?
51
00:03:19,112 --> 00:03:21,396
- Do you want this?
- Yeah.
52
00:03:21,482 --> 00:03:22,678
- Yeah.
- Do you want this?
53
00:03:22,731 --> 00:03:23,565
Yeah.
54
00:03:23,650 --> 00:03:25,317
- Do you want this?
- Yeah!
55
00:03:25,369 --> 00:03:26,899
- Do you want this?
- Yeah!
56
00:03:26,983 --> 00:03:28,370
I mean, all you had to do
was ask, man.
57
00:03:28,455 --> 00:03:29,871
There's plenty of apple pie
to go around.
58
00:03:29,957 --> 00:03:31,156
You want some apple pie,
brother?
59
00:03:31,241 --> 00:03:32,324
You want some apple pie,
brother?
60
00:03:32,376 --> 00:03:33,959
Come on, man.
Who want a slice?
61
00:03:33,994 --> 00:03:37,128
Yo, Eqqsquizitine,
ain't no apple pie, man.
62
00:03:37,164 --> 00:03:38,663
- That's your helmet.
- Hey, hey, hey, hey.
63
00:03:38,715 --> 00:03:41,049
Dog, dog, dog, maybe you should
just sit out the next play.
64
00:03:41,134 --> 00:03:42,334
- Sit out the next play?
- Yeah.
65
00:03:42,419 --> 00:03:43,458
Are you gonna sit
out the next play?
66
00:03:43,520 --> 00:03:44,034
Nah.
67
00:03:44,087 --> 00:03:45,109
You gonna sit
out the next play?
68
00:03:45,148 --> 00:03:46,743
I didn't think so.
I don't need
69
00:03:46,799 --> 00:03:48,306
to sit out the next play,
and I'm gonna tell you why.
70
00:03:48,342 --> 00:03:49,758
'cause all y'all.
71
00:03:49,843 --> 00:03:51,560
'cause I know y'all got my back.
72
00:03:51,645 --> 00:03:53,678
Y'all know what I see
when I look at you?
73
00:03:53,764 --> 00:03:55,730
I'ma tell you what I see.
74
00:03:55,816 --> 00:03:57,649
- Grown men...
- Yeah, yeah.
75
00:03:57,684 --> 00:03:59,568
- Who look like giants...
- Yeah.
76
00:03:59,653 --> 00:04:01,403
with really big shoulders...
77
00:04:01,488 --> 00:04:02,521
Yeah!
78
00:04:02,573 --> 00:04:04,155
who are wearing short pants.
79
00:04:04,191 --> 00:04:05,740
What?
80
00:04:05,826 --> 00:04:09,160
And just right there, a few
seconds of complete darkness,
81
00:04:09,196 --> 00:04:11,196
and then I saw some
little floaty specks of light
82
00:04:11,248 --> 00:04:12,364
in the air, up like that.
83
00:04:12,449 --> 00:04:14,032
- Eqqsquizitine.
- Who is that?
84
00:04:14,117 --> 00:04:15,583
Is that Cartoons Plural
talking to me?
85
00:04:15,621 --> 00:04:16,251
Yeah!
86
00:04:16,336 --> 00:04:17,335
Cartoons Plural,
where you at?
87
00:04:17,371 --> 00:04:18,537
- I'm here, man.
- Oh, yes.
88
00:04:18,622 --> 00:04:21,673
You have a brain injury.
89
00:04:21,708 --> 00:04:24,209
You need to get
some medical attention.
90
00:04:24,261 --> 00:04:26,011
I'm gonna tell you right now,
Cartoon Plural,
91
00:04:26,046 --> 00:04:28,847
who needs some medical attention
is the Cougars over there.
92
00:04:28,882 --> 00:04:30,098
- Dog, dog, dog.
- What, what?
93
00:04:30,183 --> 00:04:32,434
- We're playing the Bruisers.
- Right, okay.
94
00:04:32,519 --> 00:04:33,552
- Bruisers.
- Okay.
95
00:04:33,637 --> 00:04:34,803
Listen, y'all.
96
00:04:34,888 --> 00:04:36,771
We need to remember
who we are, okay?
97
00:04:36,857 --> 00:04:38,557
We're the team of Destiny
this year.
98
00:04:38,642 --> 00:04:40,392
We're the team everybody
talking about.
99
00:04:40,444 --> 00:04:42,727
We're the team everybody
afraid of, man.
100
00:04:42,779 --> 00:04:44,229
We got to remember who we are.
101
00:04:44,281 --> 00:04:46,982
- Who are we?
- Rhinos.
102
00:04:47,067 --> 00:04:49,367
- Who are we?
103
00:04:49,403 --> 00:04:50,952
The Rhinos.
104
00:04:51,038 --> 00:04:52,370
- Who are we?
- Rhinos!
105
00:04:52,406 --> 00:04:54,573
- Who are we?
- Rhinos!
106
00:04:54,658 --> 00:04:56,374
- Who are we?
- Rhinos!
107
00:04:56,410 --> 00:04:58,076
- Who are we?
- Rhinos!
108
00:04:58,128 --> 00:05:01,296
- Are we the Rhinos?
- Rhinos!
109
00:05:03,884 --> 00:05:05,000
Oh, my God.
110
00:05:05,085 --> 00:05:07,636
Somebody stole our horns.
111
00:05:07,721 --> 00:05:11,640
- We got to find our horns, y'all.
- Oh, [bleep] it.
112
00:05:11,725 --> 00:05:14,726
- Where the horns at?
- What the [bleep]?
113
00:05:16,665 --> 00:05:19,257
Doctor Forrest, dial 118,
please.
114
00:05:19,340 --> 00:05:21,842
Dr. Forrest, please dial 1-1-8.
115
00:05:25,639 --> 00:05:28,406
- Don?
- Yes, I'm here.
116
00:05:30,444 --> 00:05:32,556
Promise you'll never
forget about me.
117
00:05:35,082 --> 00:05:36,157
Yes.
118
00:05:37,618 --> 00:05:39,618
Of course.
119
00:05:40,862 --> 00:05:43,788
Promise me you'll take care
of our little girl.
120
00:05:43,874 --> 00:05:45,457
And love her.
121
00:05:45,509 --> 00:05:49,058
Yes, with all my heart.
122
00:05:51,214 --> 00:05:54,314
Promise me you'll stay strong
for her.
123
00:05:55,719 --> 00:05:58,470
Yes, yes.
124
00:05:58,522 --> 00:06:02,774
I promise.
125
00:06:02,809 --> 00:06:05,304
And promise me you'll never
sleep with another woman.
126
00:06:13,070 --> 00:06:15,214
I hear you.
127
00:06:16,957 --> 00:06:19,212
Promise me you'll take care
of Mr. Big Fluffy Tail?
128
00:06:19,261 --> 00:06:20,575
Yes.
129
00:06:20,661 --> 00:06:22,377
Yes, yes, yes, done.
130
00:06:22,462 --> 00:06:26,246
That cat will be
the most loved cat in the world.
131
00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:29,166
And that you won't look
at porn.
132
00:06:32,089 --> 00:06:35,340
- Ahh.
- Huh?
133
00:06:37,344 --> 00:06:38,810
Is that yes?
134
00:06:38,845 --> 00:06:40,777
Checky, checky, checky,
checky, chickety, chickety,
135
00:06:40,826 --> 00:06:42,113
Chickety check.
136
00:06:43,100 --> 00:06:44,099
No pornography.
137
00:06:44,184 --> 00:06:46,949
Buster Brown says what?
138
00:06:47,738 --> 00:06:50,405
Is that a yes?
139
00:06:50,536 --> 00:06:53,492
Yo better believe
140
00:06:53,556 --> 00:06:55,827
I heard what you said, girl.
141
00:06:55,862 --> 00:06:57,028
You love me, right?
142
00:06:57,114 --> 00:06:59,531
Yes, I love you.
Yes.
143
00:06:59,616 --> 00:07:00,946
And we're soul mates, right?
144
00:07:00,986 --> 00:07:02,917
Yes.
145
00:07:03,003 --> 00:07:05,537
So you will never, ever,
146
00:07:05,589 --> 00:07:08,403
ever think of someone else
while masturbating, right?
147
00:07:09,126 --> 00:07:11,543
Message received.
148
00:07:11,628 --> 00:07:13,178
I don't understand.
Is that a yes?
149
00:07:13,213 --> 00:07:15,013
Yo comprende.
150
00:07:15,048 --> 00:07:16,264
Is that a promise?
151
00:07:16,349 --> 00:07:19,300
Your request has been filed.
152
00:07:19,386 --> 00:07:22,303
Say you promise.
153
00:07:26,309 --> 00:07:30,145
Fuhgeddabouuuut, huh?
154
00:07:30,230 --> 00:07:31,896
Huh?
155
00:07:31,948 --> 00:07:33,545
- I need to hear you say it.
- "It".
156
00:07:33,572 --> 00:07:34,315
I-- No, say, "I pro--
157
00:07:34,401 --> 00:07:36,067
- "I promise."
- You promise.
158
00:07:36,119 --> 00:07:39,521
You-- You promise.
159
00:07:40,741 --> 00:07:42,490
Say it.
160
00:07:42,576 --> 00:07:44,989
- Okay, "I promise."
- No air quotes.
161
00:07:45,023 --> 00:07:48,814
♪ Promises are things
that mothers-- ♪
162
00:07:48,852 --> 00:07:50,394
Say it, say it!
163
00:07:52,219 --> 00:07:54,085
I promise, I promise.
164
00:07:54,137 --> 00:07:55,336
What are you promising?
165
00:07:55,422 --> 00:07:57,422
I promise what you said.
166
00:07:57,507 --> 00:07:58,723
Fine, forget it.
167
00:07:58,759 --> 00:08:03,011
Yes.
I mean, okay.
168
00:08:05,849 --> 00:08:08,408
Will you at least promise
to go see my mom every day?
169
00:08:09,150 --> 00:08:10,971
So zero pornography?
Done.
170
00:08:12,572 --> 00:08:13,822
I like that.
171
00:08:13,907 --> 00:08:15,240
Nurse?
172
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:17,492
Fix my wife!
173
00:08:23,852 --> 00:08:25,929
Don't touch me right now.
I'm just--
174
00:08:26,750 --> 00:08:28,044
I'm all about you...
175
00:08:31,756 --> 00:08:34,529
I got to go to the bathroom,
like, like, right quick, though.
176
00:08:34,565 --> 00:08:36,850
Give me that--
give me that bottle, here.
177
00:08:36,917 --> 00:08:38,033
I'm kidding.
178
00:08:38,396 --> 00:08:40,634
Do you know
anybody who's done that?
179
00:08:40,719 --> 00:08:43,303
- Ever done that?
- What, peed in a bottle?
180
00:08:43,389 --> 00:08:44,938
- Yeah.
- Probably.
181
00:08:44,974 --> 00:08:46,273
I have a family member,
182
00:08:46,308 --> 00:08:48,892
one time, who had
some dysentery situations.
183
00:08:48,978 --> 00:08:50,477
- Oh, no.
- And we were out
184
00:08:50,562 --> 00:08:53,397
in the middle-- like, in--
It looked like this.
185
00:08:53,482 --> 00:08:55,649
- And this person--
- He had dysentery out here?
186
00:08:55,734 --> 00:08:58,068
- Now, I didn't say it was a he.
- Oh.
187
00:08:58,153 --> 00:09:00,787
I'm just saying a member
of my family.
188
00:09:00,823 --> 00:09:02,072
This person had to go
to the bathroom.
189
00:09:02,157 --> 00:09:03,624
We're out in the middle
of the desert.
190
00:09:03,659 --> 00:09:06,240
We didn't have anything for this
person to go to the bathroom in.
191
00:09:06,301 --> 00:09:09,920
[bleep], there was an empty...
192
00:09:09,972 --> 00:09:11,171
Country Crock.
193
00:09:11,256 --> 00:09:14,474
Country Crock.
194
00:09:14,560 --> 00:09:16,509
- Oh, no.
- There was for real,
195
00:09:16,595 --> 00:09:19,262
in real life
an empty Country Crock.
196
00:09:19,348 --> 00:09:21,014
This person left the car?
They left the car?
197
00:09:21,099 --> 00:09:22,432
- They left the car.
- But you were in the desert,
198
00:09:22,517 --> 00:09:24,100
so somebody
could have just gone--
199
00:09:24,152 --> 00:09:25,852
They didn't have to really.
200
00:09:25,938 --> 00:09:27,354
They didn't have to.
201
00:09:27,439 --> 00:09:30,824
- And then left it?
- But it was so apropros.
202
00:09:30,909 --> 00:09:33,159
Come on, man.
Country Crock?
203
00:09:33,245 --> 00:09:36,363
How could we not use that?
204
00:09:36,448 --> 00:09:39,332
Oh, [bleep],
I'm gonna piss myself.
205
00:09:41,197 --> 00:09:42,869
Okay, so, okay,
but check this out, okay?
206
00:09:42,955 --> 00:09:46,206
So this one time in college,
man, I was straight kicking game
207
00:09:46,291 --> 00:09:48,124
to this beautiful chick,
Diana, man?
208
00:09:48,176 --> 00:09:50,210
And the-- It's a house party,
and so anyway,
209
00:09:50,295 --> 00:09:52,128
I go to the kitchen to grab us
a couple of beers, man.
210
00:09:52,180 --> 00:09:55,682
I kid you not,
I slipped on a banana peel.
211
00:09:55,767 --> 00:09:57,133
A banana peel.
It was like this.
212
00:09:57,185 --> 00:10:02,055
I was like-- just fell on my ass.
I just busted my ass.
213
00:10:02,140 --> 00:10:03,339
A banana peel?
214
00:10:03,410 --> 00:10:05,108
Like I was Buster Keaton
or something.
215
00:10:05,143 --> 00:10:07,310
I was like--
Poo!
216
00:10:12,534 --> 00:10:13,566
It's-- Uh--
217
00:10:15,120 --> 00:10:17,203
Yo-- Uo, dog, you good?
218
00:10:17,289 --> 00:10:19,651
Yeah, man, what are you doing?
219
00:10:21,576 --> 00:10:22,981
What, me?
220
00:10:24,997 --> 00:10:27,631
It was a funny story.
I was laughing.
221
00:10:28,190 --> 00:10:30,023
Then let it out, man.
222
00:10:30,154 --> 00:10:32,135
Just-- Just laugh.
223
00:10:32,170 --> 00:10:33,887
I am.
224
00:10:33,972 --> 00:10:37,173
Yeah, so, anyway, you know,
so I get up, right?
225
00:10:37,225 --> 00:10:38,508
And I go to grab a beer,
226
00:10:38,593 --> 00:10:40,176
And I forget they
all was shooken up
227
00:10:40,228 --> 00:10:41,511
when they fell, right?
228
00:10:41,563 --> 00:10:45,231
I kid you not, this beer
exploded in my crotch,
229
00:10:45,317 --> 00:10:46,942
and it looked
like I peed myself.
230
00:10:47,071 --> 00:10:49,235
And now I'm trying to walk,
but my pants...
231
00:10:51,990 --> 00:10:54,357
Come on, what are we doing?
232
00:10:57,746 --> 00:10:59,529
- Don't hit--
- Don't hit my couch, Laron.
233
00:10:59,581 --> 00:11:00,664
Keep your--
234
00:11:08,206 --> 00:11:10,874
Come on, yo.
I'm just laughing with y'all.
235
00:11:10,959 --> 00:11:14,044
Well, we were laughing.
236
00:11:14,096 --> 00:11:16,179
You weren't-- You didn't,
you know, make any noise.
237
00:11:16,214 --> 00:11:20,100
You just opened your mouth,
and you started jiggling.
238
00:11:20,185 --> 00:11:21,384
You looked like
a worm on crack.
239
00:11:21,470 --> 00:11:22,886
Mm-hmm.
240
00:11:22,938 --> 00:11:27,390
I guess everybody just
has their own unique laugh.
241
00:11:27,476 --> 00:11:29,225
Okay, man,
you were not laughing.
242
00:11:29,277 --> 00:11:31,811
You were not emitting sound
up out your mouth, man.
243
00:11:31,897 --> 00:11:33,613
Hey, I'm good.
244
00:11:33,699 --> 00:11:36,066
Tell your story.
245
00:11:36,118 --> 00:11:38,318
Thank you.
Oka-- Anyway,
246
00:11:38,403 --> 00:11:42,238
I went back to the kitchen
to get two fresh beers,
247
00:11:42,290 --> 00:11:44,624
and she said, "I hate beer,
248
00:11:44,710 --> 00:11:48,328
but where did my banana go?"
249
00:11:48,413 --> 00:11:49,546
And so then
we called her
250
00:11:49,581 --> 00:11:54,334
Chiquita Diana.
251
00:11:54,419 --> 00:11:56,169
There he goes.
252
00:11:56,254 --> 00:11:57,804
Laron, don't back up.
253
00:11:57,889 --> 00:11:59,089
Hey.
254
00:11:59,141 --> 00:12:00,924
- Come on, man.
- Cut it out, Laron.
255
00:12:00,976 --> 00:12:03,560
Hey,
get away from the turtles.
256
00:12:03,595 --> 00:12:05,678
Laron, don't do this,
just don't touch my tur--
257
00:12:05,764 --> 00:12:07,480
[bleep], get away from it.
258
00:12:07,566 --> 00:12:10,934
Why you knocking down my CDs?
What are you doing?
259
00:12:11,019 --> 00:12:13,269
Okay, you put a lampshade
on your head?
260
00:12:13,355 --> 00:12:14,687
- Hey.
- Come on.
261
00:12:14,773 --> 00:12:16,406
- Come on, those are priceless.
- Okay, you know what?
262
00:12:16,441 --> 00:12:18,074
Now I say, like,
you doing it intentionally, now.
263
00:12:18,110 --> 00:12:19,409
All right, see?
That's not even-- You know,
264
00:12:19,444 --> 00:12:20,944
it's almost
like you choreographed it.
265
00:12:20,996 --> 00:12:21,945
You're gonna
clean all this up.
266
00:12:22,030 --> 00:12:23,413
Okay.
267
00:12:23,448 --> 00:12:25,526
Look, hey, if you're gonna
laugh, then just laugh!
268
00:12:26,334 --> 00:12:28,005
Damn.
269
00:12:31,957 --> 00:12:34,446
Maybe sometimes
270
00:12:34,960 --> 00:12:37,203
you ain't as funny
as you think.
271
00:12:38,547 --> 00:12:39,718
All right.
272
00:12:39,857 --> 00:12:41,435
I got something that'll make
you laugh.
273
00:12:42,368 --> 00:12:43,850
Huh?
Bap, huh?
274
00:12:43,935 --> 00:12:45,769
- Yeah, just let it out.
- There you go, Laron.
275
00:12:45,804 --> 00:12:47,008
- Yeah, that's funny.
- That's it, man.
276
00:12:47,088 --> 00:12:48,161
Just let it-- Oh, no.
277
00:12:48,173 --> 00:12:49,851
- That's funny, huh?
- There you go, man.
278
00:12:49,912 --> 00:12:51,660
- Oh! He going backwards.
- Come on, buddy.
279
00:12:51,878 --> 00:12:54,694
Just laugh, man, just laugh.
You know that's funny.
280
00:12:54,780 --> 00:12:56,062
- That's funny!
- Why won't you laugh?
281
00:12:56,148 --> 00:12:57,814
- Come on, just let it out.
- Just laugh, brother.
282
00:12:57,866 --> 00:12:59,365
- Come on, man.
- It's a robot.
283
00:12:59,451 --> 00:13:03,153
- Oh, man, look, look, look.
- Oh, oh, oh, oh, boop. Boop.
284
00:13:03,238 --> 00:13:05,054
- Let it out.
- Boop.
285
00:13:06,569 --> 00:13:07,991
Let it out, let it out!
286
00:13:22,224 --> 00:13:24,235
See, that's why I didn't
want to laugh.
287
00:13:39,574 --> 00:13:41,423
Have a good life.
288
00:13:50,678 --> 00:13:53,791
Do you remember the first time
that you had a, like--
289
00:13:53,824 --> 00:13:54,990
Nocturnal emission?
290
00:13:55,045 --> 00:13:56,511
Or a, even a--
291
00:13:56,547 --> 00:13:58,046
Okay, no, that's--
292
00:13:58,132 --> 00:14:00,549
I was gonna say, like,
a good, really good sandwich,
293
00:14:00,601 --> 00:14:03,218
but a nocturnal emission.
294
00:14:03,270 --> 00:14:04,653
A wet dream, let's go.
295
00:14:04,657 --> 00:14:07,105
Is that you were--
you were gonna say sandwich?
296
00:14:07,191 --> 00:14:09,050
Yeah, I was gonna say, yeah,
when was the last time--
297
00:14:09,127 --> 00:14:11,360
the first time
you had a really great sandwich?
298
00:14:11,395 --> 00:14:12,811
You talk about wet dreams.
299
00:14:12,896 --> 00:14:15,060
- No, wait a minute.
- Do you remember the first time
300
00:14:15,134 --> 00:14:18,900
you had a wet dream
about a sandwich?
301
00:14:18,986 --> 00:14:20,736
- 'cause I do.
- 1987.
302
00:14:20,788 --> 00:14:23,572
1987.
303
00:14:28,025 --> 00:14:31,129
Bravo, welcome.
Welcome.
304
00:14:31,215 --> 00:14:32,368
Sit anywhere you like.
Sit here.
305
00:14:32,392 --> 00:14:34,777
Sit here, in the other one.
You want to sit right here.
306
00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:36,980
That's a good lady.
307
00:14:37,087 --> 00:14:38,180
Yes, all right.
308
00:14:38,265 --> 00:14:39,347
First time?
First time?
309
00:14:39,433 --> 00:14:40,232
- First time?
- Is the first time?
310
00:14:40,264 --> 00:14:41,230
First time?
311
00:14:41,315 --> 00:14:42,348
- First time?
- First time for you?
312
00:14:42,433 --> 00:14:43,349
- First time?
- Yes.
313
00:14:43,485 --> 00:14:44,734
All right!
314
00:14:44,937 --> 00:14:47,979
Dobro, dobro,
good, all right.
315
00:14:48,065 --> 00:14:49,514
So what's good?
316
00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:50,982
Well, I tell you right--
317
00:14:51,068 --> 00:14:52,317
You have to have the kebapi.
318
00:14:52,403 --> 00:14:54,102
Kebapi is what you
are going to have, okay?
319
00:14:54,188 --> 00:14:56,655
Oh, don't they serve that
in the cafe across the street?
320
00:14:56,740 --> 00:14:58,062
No!
321
00:14:58,115 --> 00:15:03,445
You cannot get the kebapi
at the cafe across the street!
322
00:15:07,738 --> 00:15:09,084
What?
What did I say?
323
00:15:09,119 --> 00:15:11,707
Across the street is Albanian.
324
00:15:12,289 --> 00:15:15,707
This cafe, Macedonian.
325
00:15:17,184 --> 00:15:19,301
Macedonian.
326
00:15:25,135 --> 00:15:26,407
My friends,
327
00:15:27,282 --> 00:15:30,970
I like to apologize
for the behavior of my passion.
328
00:15:31,553 --> 00:15:34,720
I just feel bad in my brain
for people to think
329
00:15:34,911 --> 00:15:38,897
that your mouths
will have been raped by the food
330
00:15:39,094 --> 00:15:43,034
that they serving at
this Albanian mother of bitches.
331
00:15:43,528 --> 00:15:47,539
This mother bitches, sons
of my bitch across the street,
332
00:15:47,575 --> 00:15:50,917
What they be serving is Äevapi.
333
00:15:52,796 --> 00:15:55,047
And-- And what do
you serve here?
334
00:15:55,082 --> 00:15:57,520
- We serve the kebapi.
- Kebapi.
335
00:15:57,918 --> 00:15:59,551
- Kebapi.
- Kebapi.
336
00:15:59,587 --> 00:16:01,053
Kebapi.
337
00:16:01,088 --> 00:16:05,173
- Kebapi.
- Ke...Ba...Pi.
338
00:16:05,259 --> 00:16:06,508
Kebapi.
339
00:16:06,594 --> 00:16:09,261
- Kebapi.
- No, look at mouth.
340
00:16:09,313 --> 00:16:10,896
- Ke...
- Ke...
341
00:16:10,931 --> 00:16:12,264
- Ba...
- Ba...
342
00:16:12,316 --> 00:16:13,649
- Pi.
- Pi.
343
00:16:13,734 --> 00:16:14,933
- Bapi.
- Bapi.
344
00:16:14,985 --> 00:16:15,934
- Kebapi.
- Kebapi.
345
00:16:16,020 --> 00:16:17,069
- Kebapi.
- Kebapi.
346
00:16:17,104 --> 00:16:17,948
- Kebapi.
- Kebapi.
347
00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,633
Now you know why
you're getting it.
348
00:16:20,107 --> 00:16:21,273
- Kebapi.
- Kebapi.
349
00:16:21,325 --> 00:16:22,524
- Kebapi.
- You got it.
350
00:16:22,610 --> 00:16:24,109
- You finally did it, perfect.
- Kebapi.
351
00:16:24,161 --> 00:16:27,997
What is the difference
between kebapi and Äevapi?
352
00:16:29,098 --> 00:16:31,116
But they don't know.
353
00:16:31,201 --> 00:16:32,784
No.
354
00:16:32,836 --> 00:16:34,453
I have to forgive them, right?
355
00:16:34,538 --> 00:16:36,956
It does seem they're nice,
Abud.
356
00:16:39,710 --> 00:16:42,461
For the bastard mother
bitches over there
357
00:16:42,797 --> 00:16:44,880
that are serving
the Äevapi...
358
00:16:44,928 --> 00:16:46,965
- Uh-huh.
- Put in the grilled meat,
359
00:16:47,017 --> 00:16:50,519
Salt, chopped red pepper,
diced onion,
360
00:16:50,604 --> 00:16:54,356
cream, kajmak, ajvar,
361
00:16:54,441 --> 00:16:56,642
then the cottage cheese.
362
00:17:00,314 --> 00:17:01,697
So what-- what do you serve?
363
00:17:01,782 --> 00:17:04,483
We serve the kebapi.
364
00:17:04,535 --> 00:17:07,932
And we put in
the cottage cheese, the ajvar,
365
00:17:08,019 --> 00:17:10,989
the kajmak,
the cream, you know?
366
00:17:11,041 --> 00:17:12,824
Then it's the diced onions...
367
00:17:12,910 --> 00:17:14,159
It sounds exactly like--
368
00:17:14,244 --> 00:17:17,462
Chopped pepper,
and then grilled meat.
369
00:17:17,498 --> 00:17:19,047
Then the grilled meat.
370
00:17:20,384 --> 00:17:22,250
And then we stir it.
371
00:17:22,336 --> 00:17:24,303
And across the street,
they do--
372
00:17:24,338 --> 00:17:27,973
Those mother bitches
over there, they mix it!
373
00:17:28,178 --> 00:17:30,008
The sons of mother,
374
00:17:30,074 --> 00:17:32,896
mother sons of liar, ay-yi-yi-yi!
375
00:17:40,854 --> 00:17:42,685
I don't know
what that's supposed to mean.
376
00:17:45,475 --> 00:17:47,283
- Oh, my God!
- I show you!
377
00:17:47,341 --> 00:17:48,423
I'm gonna show you!
378
00:17:48,518 --> 00:17:50,468
We are here.
They are there.
379
00:17:50,548 --> 00:17:52,165
We are here, they are there.
380
00:17:52,245 --> 00:17:55,107
Here, there, here,
there, here, there, here-- stop.
381
00:17:55,131 --> 00:17:57,668
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no.
382
00:18:01,254 --> 00:18:04,941
- Good decision, my friends.
- Yes, yes, yes.
383
00:18:04,988 --> 00:18:07,627
Now it is time for you to try
384
00:18:07,769 --> 00:18:09,543
the real good food,
385
00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:13,892
not what this son of my bitches
386
00:18:14,021 --> 00:18:16,284
serve across the street.
387
00:18:17,558 --> 00:18:19,444
- Um, McDonald's?
- Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah.
388
00:18:19,515 --> 00:18:22,396
Make sure to give us
the five stars on Yelp!
389
00:18:29,540 --> 00:18:30,507
Where is he?
390
00:18:31,325 --> 00:18:32,763
- Stanley.
- Huh?
391
00:18:34,629 --> 00:18:35,655
What's going on?
392
00:18:35,721 --> 00:18:37,747
Oh, come on, I know
you've been cheating on me.
393
00:18:37,832 --> 00:18:39,165
You're being ridiculous.
394
00:18:39,250 --> 00:18:41,667
Andrea, enough is enough.
395
00:18:41,917 --> 00:18:43,993
I know you have been [bleep]
396
00:18:44,025 --> 00:18:46,067
a dog behind my back.
397
00:18:46,140 --> 00:18:47,226
What?
398
00:18:47,925 --> 00:18:49,842
A dog?
A dog?
399
00:18:49,894 --> 00:18:51,310
That is insane.
400
00:18:51,345 --> 00:18:54,662
Then why did I find this
in the laundry room, huh?
401
00:18:57,318 --> 00:18:59,902
Oh, my God,
he's here right now, isn't he?
402
00:18:59,987 --> 00:19:02,346
He's in my house right now!
403
00:19:02,422 --> 00:19:03,823
Wait, Stanley, no!
Wait!
404
00:19:07,196 --> 00:19:09,246
It was you!
405
00:19:11,783 --> 00:19:13,282
You s-- Ow!
What ha--
406
00:19:13,367 --> 00:19:14,200
Aah!
407
00:19:18,372 --> 00:19:20,589
Aah!
408
00:19:29,217 --> 00:19:30,316
Go.
409
00:19:35,878 --> 00:19:36,979
Come here.
410
00:19:49,592 --> 00:19:51,030
Oh.
411
00:19:52,721 --> 00:19:54,034
I see.
412
00:19:57,505 --> 00:19:58,992
You...
413
00:20:00,562 --> 00:20:02,179
need to know...
414
00:20:03,815 --> 00:20:07,400
your dog ruined
a ten-year marriage.
415
00:20:12,426 --> 00:20:14,226
And you can go to hell.
416
00:20:21,426 --> 00:20:23,739
No, he's cute, he's cute.
I can see why you like him.
417
00:20:28,668 --> 00:20:30,192
Who was the first girl
you kissed?
418
00:20:30,278 --> 00:20:32,528
- You got to know that.
- First girl I kissed?
419
00:20:32,613 --> 00:20:34,242
I shouldn't ask names.
I just don't want to--
420
00:20:34,321 --> 00:20:36,582
No, it was, it was, it was--
I was, like, five.
421
00:20:36,617 --> 00:20:40,002
She was six.
It was crazy.
422
00:20:40,087 --> 00:20:43,622
- Turbulent relationship?
- It was moving too fast.
423
00:20:43,674 --> 00:20:46,008
- I ended up with cooties.
- Oh, no.
424
00:20:46,093 --> 00:20:47,426
- It was terminal.
- Oh, boy.
425
00:20:47,461 --> 00:20:48,844
Still have it.
426
00:20:48,930 --> 00:20:51,338
I'm fighting
a sustained cooties infection.
427
00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:52,800
Infection, yeah.
428
00:20:52,831 --> 00:20:54,824
♪ I'm gonna do
my one line here ♪
429
00:20:54,854 --> 00:20:56,803
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