Original subtitles

- Hi, Lucy. What are you doing? - Hi.

Ethel, I have a schedule of all the places the band's gonna play in Europe.

- Really? - Our whole itinerary.

- Yeah? - Listen to this.

- London... -

- ... Paris, Venice, Holland... - Oh!

- ...the Riviera... - Oh!

- ...Madrid. - Oh, my!

I can't believe we're really going.

Neither can I, but we're practically on our way.

Mother said she'd stay with the baby while we were gone.

Oh, aren't mothers wonderful?

Aw, they sure are.

She's taking an auto trip through New England with a chum of hers,

but she said she'd be here the day before we leave.

She's so cute.

She said they had no idea where they were going,

but when they came to an intersection,

they were just gonna flip a coin.

Ah, your mother.

The coin won't be the only thing in that car that's flipped.

- [Fred] Hi. - [Lucy] Hi.

Ricky home yet?

Not yet, no. What's that?

[Ethel] Fred!

What are you doing with our old vaudeville trunk?

Well, as long as I'm Ricky's band manager,

it's my job to save him some money.

So, I thought we could pack some of the band uniforms in here.

Oh, but it's so old and beat-up,

and it's even got a hole in it!

"And it's even got a hole in it!"

I defy anyone to find that hole with the naked eye.

I said the naked eye, not two bony fingers.

If Ricky wants to use this, I'll patch it up again.

How'd that hole get in there anyway?

Oh, he bought it from a man who had a seal act.

[Lucy] Oh, fine.

Hey, Fred, here's the schedule for Europe. Look.

First we go to London, then Paris...

Ah, Paris.

Get ready, you cute mademoiselles.

Corporal Mertz is gonna make his triumphant return.

Fred, you were there 35 years ago.

Yes, but I left a lasting impression.

By the way, where's that old uniform of mine?

Now, you're not gonna try to put that old thing on.

I just want to see it, it's full of memories.

- Hi, everybody. - Hi.

I got the boat tickets.

- Oh, no kidding! - The boat tickets!

Now, all we got to do tomorrow is get our pass-a-ports.

Yeah, that's all we got to do now is get our "pass-a-ports."

Europe, here we come!

Look out, Mademoiselle from Armentières!

Honey, did you get my naturalization papers?

Yeah, I got them out of the safe deposit box this morning.

How about your birth certificate?

I wired the Jamestown Hall of Records,

- and they'll send it to me. - Good.

I got mine.

Ethel?

Yep. I had to hunt for it, but I finally found it.

Show it to them, honey.

No.

She doesn't want us to see the year.

Put your finger over the year.

Thought they might like to see

what Lincoln's signature looks like.

Oh, Fred!

- - Ha, ha!

The phone, honey.

Oh. Hello...

Hey, what's that trunk?

Oh, that's my old vaudeville trunk.

I thought we could pack the band uniforms in there.

Hello?

Yes?

Oh, uh, just a minute, please.

Honey, it's a collect call for you from Jamestown Hall of Records.

Oh, must be about my birth certificate.

Hello? Yes, I'll take the call.

Hello?

But there must be some mistake.

Well, my maiden name was Lucille McGillicuddy

and I was born in Jamestown.

Well, I'm positive.

Well, I don't understand.

Oh, well, you misunderstood me.

Yes, you're looking under the wrong year.

Oh, yes, I was born in 19. ...

I was born in 19...

19...

Look, you know the year you just mentioned?

Well, it's three more years than that.

No, no, no, not backwards, forwards.

Yeah, I'll hang on.

They were looking under the wrong year.

Really, honey? What year were they looking under?

19...

Oh, no, you don't.

Yes?

But there must be some mistake.

Well, I ...

All right.

Thank you.

How do you like that?

- What's the matter, honey? - They can't find my birth certificate.

- There's no record. - Oh, there must be.

Well, there isn't.

If I'd known Jamestown was gonna be that careless,

I'd have been born somewhere else.

Well, honey, you-you-you need your birth certificate

if you want to get a passport.

Well, what do you want me to do? They never heard of me.

Maybe you were never born.

I was, too.

- [Ethel] Now, Fred. - I was only kidding her.

'Course you were born.

Well, you know it and I know it,

but as far as Jamestown is concerned,

the stork just dropped me and didn't tell anybody.

Now, look, honey, why don't you call your mother

and ask her about it?

What's the matter?

I don't know where my mother is.

The whole family's disappearing right in front of our eyes.

Well, Mother is on an auto trip up in New England or someplace.

She won't be here until the day before you leave.

I'm not going to get to go to Europe at all!

Honey, let me see. I'll call the pass-a-port office.

- I got their number right here. - Bon voyage, everybody.

Now, now, Lucy, it can't be that bad.

You don't know what it's like to be born a missing person.

Hello?

Pass-a-port office?

Look. I'd like some information, please.

If you want to get a pass-a-port

and you can't find your bir' certificate, what do you do?

Pass-a-port.

Bir' certificate.

Yes, yes, that's right.

Uh-huh. What is it?

You get an affidavit from an older living blood relative.

Suppose you misplace your older living blood relative?

Well, you don't know this family.

Oh? I see.

Oh, thank you very much.

Honey, all you got to is find two old friends of your family

that remember when you were born and get an affidavit from them.

- Oh, that'll be easy. - It'll be a cinch, Lucy.

I do know a lot of people in Jamestown.

No, no. Wait a minute now.

That name sounded familiar.

No.

You still on the phone? Who are you talking to?

The Jamestown Hall of Records.

- Oh. - Did you say Paul Jones?

No.

Richard Jones?

No.

Robert A. Jones?

Bob Jones, Bob Jones. No.

What are they doing, reading you the whole directory?

- Yes. - What?

Ah, listen, I'll call you back.

You scared me.

Are you crazy or something? That'll cost a fortune.

Well, I'm desperate.

I can't find a soul in Jamestown that knew me when I was born.

Now, look, honey, wasn't there a doctor there when you were born?

Yes. I called Dr. Peterson,

but he's visiting here in New York.

His daughter said she'd try to get in touch with him and have him call.

- Well, there you are. - No, there I'm not.

Even if he does call-- there's a very good chance that he won't--

I still need one more witness.

Well, you'll think of somebody, don't worry.

If I could just think of Helen Erickson's second husband's name.

Helen Erickson?

Yeah. You don't know her. She's a girl that used to live next door to us.

She used to babysit me when my folks wanted to go out.

Well ...

Darn it. She lives here in New York now, too.

Well, I got to go to the club, honey.

I'll see you later.

Her first husband's name was Sears.

You don't suppose her second husband's name could be...

No, I guess that's impossible.

- Hi, Rick. - Hi.

- Bye. - Bye.

- Lucy, has Fred been over here? - No.

Wonder where he is.

- Well, did you get your witnesses? - No.

[Fred] ♪ ...parlez-vous ♪

♪ Mademoiselle from Armentières ♪

♪ Parlez-vous ♪

♪ Mademoiselle from Armentières ♪

♪ She ain't been kissed in 40 years ♪

♪ Hinky-dinky parlez-vous ♪

Fred, what are you doing in that?

I'm getting ready to burst upon Gay Paree.

Well, that's sure the outfit for it.

So it needs a little letting out here and there.

Now, don't make fun of us doughboys.

Doughboys?

Whoever put the dough in that boy used too much yeast.

It's a good thing the Kaiser didn't see you in that outfit.

He never would have surrendered.

[Fred] Is that so? Let me tell you what...

- That's it! - That's what?

That's Helen's last name-- Kaiser.

Helen married... Sidney Kaiser.

What are you talking about?

Helen Kaiser is a girl that knew me when I was a baby.

She can sign one of the affidavits.

Oh, that's great.

Okay, Corporal, back to your barracks.

Hut, two, three, four!

♪ Mademoiselle from Armentières ♪

♪ Parlez-vous ♪

♪ Mademoiselle from Armentières ♪

♪ Parlez-vous... ♪

Honey, you think she'll remember you?

Sure. She was like a sister to me.

Oh ...

Hello? I'd like to speak to Helen Kaiser, please.

Oh, hi, Helen!

This is Lucy Ricardo...

I mean, Lucille McGillicuddy from Jamestown.

Lucille McGillicuddy.

Used to live next door to you?

Well, Helen, do you remember a little skinny girl

with freckles and red hair?

Well, do you remember a little skinny girl

with freckles and brown hair?

Well, you used to kid me about my bloomers.

They were alway...

Yes! This is Droopy Drawers!

Hi!

Yeah, it has been a long time, hasn't it?

Well, I'll tell you why I called, Helen.

You see we're going to Europe and I can't find my birth certificate,

so I have to have someone sign an affidavit

saying they knew when and where I was born.

Would you, Helen?

Oh, I'd appreciate it so much.

Could I come over now?

Oh, thank you. Okay, bye.

She's gonna do it.

I'm halfway to Europe.

Oh, honey, that's wonderful.

Listen, I'll be gone about an hour.

Will you stay here until I get back?

Why? The baby's in nursery school, isn't he?

In case Dr. Peterson calls. I don't want to miss him.

- Oh, okay. - Okay. Bye.

Good luck, Droopy Drawers.

Oh, come now!

Helen!

Droopy Drawers!

Oh, it's so good to see you.

You haven't changed a bit.

Neither have you ...

Well...

Ah, yeah, I know.

There have been a few color changes here and there,

and I'm wearing better-fitting bloomers.

Oh, what a lovely apartment.

Oh, thank you.

You know, Lucy, ever since you called,

I've been thinking about the old days when we used to live in Jamestown.

- Those were the days, weren't they? - Yeah.

Lucy, do you remember the time your baby buggy got away from me?

No.

Well... well, you were only about a year old.

Oh, well, I guess that's why I don't remember it.

- Oh. -

Well, anyway, I was pushing your buggy,

and I stopped for a minute to go into a candy store.

And when I came out,

the buggy had rolled all the way down the hill

and was out in the middle of the street stopping traffic!

Oh, no!

- It's a wonder we ever grew up, isn't it? - Yes.

Well, Helen, I'd just love to sit here all afternoon

talking over old times with you,

but I guess we'd better get this affidavit signed.

Oh, yes, okay.

I typed it all up,

and it just says that you knew my family for ages and ages

- and you remember when I was born. - Oh, good.

- And you sign on the bottom line there. - Oh, fine.

- I have a pen right here. - Oh, good.

[Lucy] There you are.

- Hi, honey. - Oh!

Hello, Sidney.

Oh...

Hey...

[Sidney] Mmm...

Darling, I want you to meet an old friend of mine, Lucy Ricardo.

This is Sidney.

Hello, Sidney.

- Very nice to meet you. - Nice to know you, Lucy.

Lucy and I grew up together in Jamestown,

and she came over to have me sign an affidavit for her.

Yes, I'm going to Europe.

Well, it's the silliest thing. For some reason or other,

there is just no record of my being born in Jamestown,

so I can't get my birth certificate.

So, I have to have Helen swear

that she remembers when I was born so I can get my passport.

You sign on the bottom line there, dear.

- Okay. - Well, now, wait a minute, Helen.

You can't sign an affidavit just like that.

Well, why not?

Yeah, why not?

Well, an affidavit is sworn testimony.

It's testimony taken under oath.

That'd have to be witnessed by a notary public.

Oh, I didn't know that.

Well, I'll go get a notary public.

Oh, no, no, no, that won't be necessary. Helen and I can take it down to my office.

We'll have it notarized tomorrow and mail it to you.

Yeah, Sidney is an attorney.

Well, how convenient having one right in the family!

They sure come in handy, don't they?

- Honey? - Yes?

- You can't sign this at all. - I can't?

- Says here, Lucy, you were born in 1921. - That's right.

Ah, honey,

you always were poor in arithmetic.

How old are you?

- 29. - [Sidney chuckling]

You'd have to have a pretty good memory.

You weren't even born until 1927.

Oh. Oh, that's right!

But, Helen ...

Oh, I thought that said 1931.

Helen?

Yes, dear?

I... I don't want to contradict you in front of Sidney,

and I don't know how you did it if you were just born 29 years ago,

but you were there when I was born.

Lucy, that's impossible.

But, uh, well, what about the baby buggy?

Who was pushing whom?

Oh, oh, Daddy, you know, Lucy was a regular little mother.

She used to push me around when...

She pushed me around

when I was just a eensy-weensy little baby in a buggy.

Ew!

Well, Lucy, it must be great for you two to see each other again.

Tell me, has Helen changed much since she was a little child?

Not a bit.

She just never seems to get any older.

I know what you mean.

Ever since we've been married, she seems to be growing younger every day.

Yeah, I guess it's the marriage that did it.

You've no idea how much younger she's grown

just since you walked into the room.

Lucy, we don't want to keep you.

If you want to run along ...

Look, Helen, I really need this affidavit.

So, don't you think maybe you could sign it

just for the sake of all those years that I baby-sat with you?

But that'd be perjury.

Lucy, you wouldn't want Helen to lie, would you?

Oh, heaven forbid!

Lucy, I hope you have a nice time in Europe.

It was awfully nice to have met you, Lucy.

Yeah. Thanks.

And maybe we'll see you soon?

Oh, yes, you must come over for dinner sometime

and bring your mother.

Hi, honey, Dr. Peterson called, and he's coming right over.

Swell.

What's the matter?

I'll still need another witness.

Why? What happened with Helen Kaiser?

Helen Kaiser is a dirty rat.

She wouldn't sign the affidavit.

Her husband walked into the room

and suddenly she became younger than I am.

She wouldn't admit her real age.

You're kidding.

How do you like that?

Oh, dear. What are you gonna do now?

Well, I'll tell you one thing I'm not going to do.

I'm not going to let you three trot off to Europe without me

even if I have to stowaway.

Oh, Lucy...

You know, this is about the right size at that.

Oh, now, Lucy, not in that trunk!

Why not?

Well, how could you breathe?

There's a hole in it.

Yes, and it matches the one in your head.

Listen, if a seal could live in here, I can.

Oh, dear.

I'm just gonna try it on for size.

Oh, Lucy, this is absolutely ridiculous!

It's a nice thing to sort of have around

in case I can't get...

Oh, honey...

Now!

I'm just gonna see if I fit in here.

See? I fit like a glove.

Yeah, but if the trunk was closed, you wouldn't last two minutes.

Oh, I would, too. Go ahead, close it. I'll show you.

Okay, but just to convince you.

Look out, let me get my skirt out of the way.

- Got it? - Yep.

Okay.

How's that?

Oh, come on now, it's awful, isn't it?

No, it's very cozy in here.

Cozy.

It is! It's quite comfortable.

We should all go to Europe this way and save the fare.

Sure, you could get a whole bunch of...

- Ethel, let me out of here. - I thought so.

Hey, it's locked.

Wasn't there a key?

Sure, there's a key.

I got it.

I got it?

Oh, now, don't get nervous, honey.

Just poke it out through the hole, I'll get you right out.

Oh, okay.

Oh. Oh!

What's the matter?

Ethel, th-the key's in my pocket

and I can't move my arms!

- What? - My arms are pinned down to my side!

Oh, Lucy, only you would get yourself locked in a trunk

with the key in your pocket.

Oh, well, don't scold me. I got to get out of here.

I don't want Ricky to come home and find out that I planned to stowaway.

- Go get Fred. - Okay, honey.

- Hurry up. - All right, I'll hurry.

Now you wait right there!

All right, I'll do that!

Oh, uh...

Hello, Ricky!

Hi, Ethel. What's the matter?

Oh, uh, uh, uh... you just startled me, that's all.

Where's Lucy?

Uh, uh, uh.

Why?

Why?

Well, I'm married to her and I live here.

When I come home, I like to know where she is.

Oh, of course you do.

Well, you know Lucy.

She's just liable to be anywhere.

¿Qué pasa con ella?

I don't know.

Oye quiero enseñar la parte otra más del drum.

- Si. - You need the music?

- No, no. - No?

- La... la parte es del final... - La parte, sí.

La parte. All right.

All right. Sí.

I'll try it here on this thing. Go ahead.

That's good. Now let's do double tempo, here.

- Double tempo, right. - Double tempo.

That's good. Now the very end of that.

You know? Here we go.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Now, that's the tempo we should do.

How's that?

Hey, this trunk has a pretty good tone.

Bueno Desi que yo... tengo que ir.

¿Tiene que ir?

Va entrar el tiempo...

Well, yo voy contigo ahí al subway.

Tengo que comprar un evening paper.

Oh, I thought they'd never leave.

Lucy, I can't find Fred anywhere.

Lucy?

Lucy, are you all right?

[Lucy] Somebody talking to me?

Are you all right?

[Lucy] Huh?

Are you all right?

I can't hear a thing.

Ricky just beat out a concerto for piano and trunk.

Oh, I heard it, you poor little thing.

- - Don't bother. I'll get it.

Yes?

Lucille McGillicuddy!

My gosh, I'd know you anywhere.

Oh, no, I'm not Lucille.

I'm Ethel Mertz.

Oh, I don't have my glasses on.

- Oh, you must be Dr. Peterson. - Yep.

- [Lucy] Hello, Doc. -

Who said that?

Lucy. She's in the trunk.

Oh, hello, hello.

[Lucy] Hello.

Ethel, go get a notary public.

Where'll I get a notary public?

- At the bank. - Okay.

Whup-up-up-up-up. I couldn't sign anything until I'm sure

that she's really Lucille... McGillicuddy.

Oh, no, I am, Dr. Peterson.

I am. I'm Lucille McGillicuddy.

Well, I don't know.

Uh, I thought she was you at first.

Oh, no, now, you could see her. There's a hole right there in the trunk.

You look right through there, you can see that that's Lucy.

Well, I'll take a look.

[Lucy] Hi.

I can't tell a thing.

Oh, now, wait a minute, Doc.

Wait a minute. Here's one of my eyes.

Here's my other eye.

Here's my nose.

Here's my mouth.

Put them all together and they spell Lucille McGillicuddy.

All that is is an eye, an eye, a nose and a mouth.

I've seen so many.

Oh...

Well, I know.

Listen, Doc, I-I was bitten by a cat once on my ear

and-and you took some stitches in it, remember?

Oh, yep, yep, yep, yep, that I remember.

It was Fred Bigelow's cat.

Yeah, that's right.

Well, look, maybe you can see the scar.

Ah... wait a minute.

Scar or no scar, you couldn't be Lucille McGillicuddy.

She had brown hair.

Look at the roots-- the roots!

[Lucy] Oh, never mind, Ethel.

It's no use.

I'm never gonna get out of this trunk

as long as I live.

Don't cry, honey. It won't do any good.

Goodness, no, don't cry.

Ethel, I need a handkerchief.

Oh, all right, honey.

Here.

Aw, let me have your nose.

Thank you. Well, now,

will you please go get Fred?

Well, I'll try to find him again.

- I'll be right back, Dr. Peterson. - [Lucy] Hurry up.

Hey, young lady?

- What? - I just remembered

how you can absolutely identify yourself for me.

How?

Well, when you was a little girl,

I taught you a song we sang together.

Do you remember?

Yes. Yes, I do!

Well, if you can sing that song all the way through with me,

like you used to, you must be Lucille McGillicuddy.

Oh, I-I-I can. Just let me think a minute.

Oh... um... uh ...

Oh, yeah. Uh...

♪ Flies in the buttermilk Shoo, fly, shoo ♪

♪ Skip to the Lou ♪

- ♪ ...Lou, my darling ♪ - ♪ My darling ♪

♪ Flies in the sugar bowl Shoo, fly, shoo ♪

♪ Skip to my Lou, my darling! ♪

[Lucy and Peterson] ♪ Skip to my Lou, my darling! ♪

♪ I got a red bird, a pretty one, too ♪

[Lucy and Peterson] ♪ Skip to my Lou, my darling! ♪

What's going on here?

I'm locked in the trunk, honey.

This is Dr. Peterson from Jamestown.

How do... how do you do?

How do you do?

I'm the doctor who brought your wife into the world.

Oh, you are. Well, I don't know whether to thank you or punch you in the nose.

Lucy, what are you doing in that trunk?

Oh, just packing a few things.

[Ethel] Come on, Fred, hurry up.

She's been in here so long! I got Fred!

- Hurry up, Fred. - Well, now, wait a minute.

What do you mean, wait a minute?

Well, maybe we can do this without damaging the trunk.

[Ethel] Oh, Ricky, help him.

She was in there when you were beating on the top.

- Oh, hurry up. Hurry up. - Wait a minute.

Look out for your hand, Fred.

- Is it coming? - Yes.

- [Ethel] Are you all right, honey? - That's it.

- Open it up. - Got it.

[Ricky] Okay.

There you are.

- [Ethel] Oh, honey! - [Fred] Are you all right?

Oh, was it awful?

Well, it's a nice place to visit-- I wouldn't want to live there.

Hiya, Doc.

Lucy McGillicuddy!

I thought you'd be bigger by now.

[Ricky] Will somebody mind telling me what's going on here?

Why? You'll never believe it.

Well, now... I ...

Whoa.

Thanks, Doc.

I, uh...

I just figured maybe

I'd have to stowaway if I want to get to Europe,

and I... I knew that a seal could live in there,

so I supposed maybe I could,

and when I tried it on for size, I got locked in it.

What makes you think I wouldn't believe that?

Oh, Doc, have you any idea why there is no record

of my being born in Jamestown?

Jamestown? You weren't born in Jamestown.

What?

You were born in West Jamestown.

- Oh... -

- West Jamestown! - West Jamestown!

Oh, for heaven's sake.

You don't know what I've gone through.

I didn't even know there was a West Jamestown.

Honey, it's a special delivery letter there for you.

H-Honestly, Doc, you don't know what we've gone through.

We've been calling the Hall of Records for one solid ...

- Oh, it's from Mother. - What'd she say?

"We had car trouble and got stuck overnight

"in West Jamestown, so I picked this up.

- "Hope you can use it." - What is it?

My birth certificate!

- Oh... - Oh!

West Jamestown.