Original subtitles

Oh, Lucy, this party's a wonderful idea.

I think so.

I still can't think why we're having this party for Ricky.

Oh, it's just something you do in Hollywood, Fred.

When a person finishes a picture, you give a party for him.

Oh.

Oh, gee, Ethel, those hors d'oeuvres you bought are just scrumptious.

Thanks.

But caviar-- you shouldn't have done that.

Oh, why not? We enjoy it.

After all, how many Hollywood stars do we know?

- - But caviar, five dollars a jar.

Ow!

Five bucks for a jar of fish eggs?

- [Fred] "Oh, now, Fred!" - [Ethel] Don't make anything out of it.

- Five bucks? - Well, it's for a party.

We'll talk about it later.

Look.

What a beautiful cake!

- Isn't it dreamy? - Oh, Lucy!

That's great.

"To my darlin', another Marlon."

Marlon?

Marlon Brando.

Do you know anybody else named Marlon?

Sure. Monroe.

Marlon Monroe!

Oh, Fred.

I'm going to get the baby. I promised him he could come to the party.

I wouldn't want to disappoint the little doll.

[Ethel] Oh, boy.

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Now, Fred, no sneak previews.

Well, you'd think I could have one bite.

After all, my life savings are tied up in those hors d'oeuvres.

- [Ethel] Hi, honey. - Oh, hi, son.

- He's so sleepy. - Oh, hello, honey.

Here he comes.

Hide the cake. Hide the cake.

♪ Happy party to you ♪

♪ Happy party to you ♪

♪ Happy end of the picture, dear Ricky ♪

♪ Happy party to you ♪

♪ I bought the caviar. ♪

Aren't you nice!

Thank you. Thank you.

Say, happy party, Papa.

Hiya, there, partner.

- He's so sleepy. - Hi, my son.

Show him the cake, honey. Show him the cake.

Oh, look at that beautiful cake!

"To my darlin', another Marlon."

Well, I guess Brando and I do have a lot in common.

Yeah, I can't understand either of you when you talk.

Well, he's got to go back to bed, honey. You can have your cake in the morning.

- Say good night. - All right, Son.

- I'll save you a nice, big piece. - Aw, he wants to say beddy-bye.

- I'll take him. - You take him, honey.

We'll give you a piece of cake in the morning, sweetie.

Honey, we'll give you a piece of cake in the morning.

It's so late. I thought I was gonna finish early.

Well, I shouldn't have brought him out, but I ...

I'll be right in, Son.

I'm sorry, honey.

Well, how did the picture go, dear?

Well, everybody seems to think

it's going to be a hit-- a big hit.

Wonderful.

Well, here is to Hollywood.

- Oh, wait for me. - Wait a minute. Wait for Ethel.

Here, hon.

There were are.

Here is to Hollywood.

Here's to Hollywood.

It's been fun, but it'll be nice to get back home.

Home?

Sure. I'm finished with the picture. There's nothing to keep us here now.

Well, I know, bu-but we can't leave Hollywood yet.

Why not?

Because there are a million things we haven't seen.

The Coconut Grove.

Olvera Street.

Ava Gardner.

The Hollywood Bowl.

Catalina Island.

Ava Gardner.

We heard you the first time.

Oh, we haven't even seen the footprints at Grauman's Chinese Theater.

Well, I'm sorry, honey, but I got to go back to work.

I got to go back to work at the Tropicana.

You know, the studio's not paying for this anymore. I am.

Oh, all right, warden. When do we leave?

Well, just as soon as you can get ready.

How long will it take you?

Six years.

Lucy...

Well, if you're going to bargain,

I want to start high.

Come on, Lucy.

- Four years. - Come on!

Oh, it isn't fair, Ricky.

We haven't seen anything

and we have no souvenirs to take home...

No souvenirs?

Well, hardly any.

What do you call this?

You got a whole box full of junk.

Junk?

Do you call an orange

autographed by Robert Taylor junk?

Look at this old, dried-up thing.

You can't even read his name.

- The letters are all shriveled together. - Oh, they are not.

It's very clear. It says...

"Robert Taylor."

How about this-- this old, tired grapefruit?

That says, "Richard Widmark."

It does?

Well, it did when it was young. Right there, in that deep crevice.

Sure, it says, uh,

"Richard... Richard Widmark."

Robert Taylor and Richard Widmark.

Look at this-- an old tin can.

Just a minute. That is not an ordinary old tin can.

This just happens to be an old tin can

that was squashed by Cary Grant's left rear wheel.

- Oh, well, that's different. - Yeah, well.

What's this?

"Lana Turner's lipstick print."

Which one of you morons is saving this?

I am!

Give it here before you smear it.

Menus from the Brown Derby.

Yes.

Match covers from Ciro's.

An ashtray from the Beverly Hilton.

So?

Chopsticks from the Beachcomber.

- You got enough stuff here. Don't worry. - We have not, Ricky.

We just haven't been anyplace.

- Now, you just got to give us more time. - [Fred] Come on, Rick.

We saved a lot of places we really wanted to see where you were making the picture.

You said that you would go with us after you finished.

All right. All right.

I'll tell you what.

We'll stay one more week.

- Good! - [Fred] Great!

That's all. One more week.

That's enough. Now, we'll start the first thing in the morning.

- What'll we see first? - I vote for Catalina.

I vote for Catalina.

I vote for Grauman's Chinese.

- We got the majority. - I got the car.

Grauman's Chinese.

Oh, hurry up, Fred.

You've been focusing that thing for 30 minutes.

We haven't got all day.

All right. All right. I'm ready now.

Come on, look at me, Ethel.

Come on, look at me and smile, Ethel.

Make up your mind. I can't do both.

Watch for the little birdie, now.

One... two...

[Ethel] Fred!

Three!

There. I got a good one.

Don't forget to turn it up to the next picture.

Oh, look, Ethel. Gloria Swanson's footprints.

Oh, doesn't she have tiny little feet?

I'll say, about size one-and-a-half, I would say.

Oh, Harold Lloyd! Harold Lloyd's footprint.

Oh, look. His glasses.

Isn't that cute?

How do you suppose they ever did that?

Oh, Lucy, Tyrone Power.

What are you doing?

Comparing my leg to Betty Grable's.

Oh, it looks identical.

Oh, what, to you and me, maybe,

but I doubt if it would fool Harry James.

Oh, look. Joan Crawford's footprints.

Oh, my feet are smaller than Joan Crawford's.

Let me try.

Mine aren't.

Hey! Look, my feet are smaller than Gary cooper's.

- No kidding? - Yeah. Look.

Mine aren't.

Oh, here's one for you to try, Ethel-- Trigger!

Oh, Ethel, look!

Oh! John Wayne!

Oh, boy, just his footprints give me goose bumps.

We got to go see his new picture, Blood Alley.

- I hear it is just wonderful. - I heard it was so exciting.

Oh, he plays the part of a daring adventurer

and his block is loose.

John Wayne's block is loose.

- It is? - Yeah.

- Ethel? - What?

I've got an idea.

I don't like that look on your face.

I'm going to take home a souvenir to end all souvenirs--

John Wayne's block.

Well, you'll need it,

'cause when Ricky finds out what you've done,

he'll knock yours off.

Now, let's see how we will go about it.

We?

Oh, ho. Count me out.

I wouldn't touch that with a ten-foot pole.

Oh, now... now, listen here, Ethel.

How would you like to be

the only woman in New York City

with a friend who has John Wayne's footprints

under her bed?

Not interested.

Well, then, how would you like to be the only woman

in New York City who has John Wayne's footprints

under her own bed?

Every other week.

Oh...

- Okay. - Okay.

Now, let's see...

Oh, Lucy, how are we gonna steal a big cement block

- like that without being seen? - It's a cinch.

We'll come late at night when nobody else is around.

We'll bring a crowbar and pry it up.

- Okay. - Now, we'll...

Ooh, wait just a second.

What'll you do about the space it'll leave?

We'll bring some quick-drying cement,

fill it in, it'll be dry by morning.

Lucy, you're a natural-born crook.

Thank you, ma'am.

Now, we'll need cement, a bucket,

a trawl, a crowbar

and a car to make a quick getaway.

Now, is there anything else we'll need?

Yeah. A good lawyer.

Fred!

Yes, "Fred!" I heard the whole thing.

You two dames have had some pretty nutty schemes

in your time, but this one is regular Bellevue bait.

Oh, come on, Fred. Help us, huh?

I will not, and you're not gonna do it either.

Oh, come on, please, Fred.

Ethel, Ethel, Ethel, never mind.

It's a real crazy idea.

Fred's right. Just forget it.

I'll go and get the car.

I'd better put you two squirrels back in your cage.

Lucy, what's happened to you?

I never saw you give up so easy.

Who's giving up? I just want to throw him off the scent

so he doesn't go blabbing to Ricky.

Oh, sorry, Chief.

Now, here's what we're gonna do

and this is the way to get this thing out of here...

- There's nobody around. - Good.

I thought Ricky would never go to sleep.

Oh, Fred was a little restless, too.

He didn't start to snore till his head hit the pillow.

Oh, Lucy, I'm scared.

What if somebody sees us?

Listen, Ethel, if you're gonna get chicken on a routine souvenir hunt...

Routine?

- Come on. - Okay.

Oh, say, we'd better hurry. This cement's getting hard.

Really?

Maybe I'd better hide this bucket till we need it, huh?

- Okay. - All right. I'll put it over here.

- All right. - Oh!

- This is moving it. - Okay.

I got it!

- I got it. - What'll I do?

Now, wait till I lift it up a little bit, and then put your fingers right...

- Now wait. - Oh, be careful!

Now get a good, firm grip on it.

It's heavier than I thought.

All right, there.

- You got it? - I got it.

Ooh! That's--

- Ooh! - All right. I got it.

Okay.

Ready? Firm grip.

You ready?

Somebody's coming!

Don't panic.

Maybe they'll walk right by.

Oh, they're coming closer.

Ooh, I'm sorry!

Hurry up. Here, wait a minute.

- Can you stand it? -

Can you stand it, honey?

Oh, there they are, honey.

I came down here this afternoon and measured them.

I'm bigger than any of these he-men.

- Really? - Yeah, look.

- Gary Cooper. - Oh, darling! You're wonderful!

I'm bigger than John Wayne, too!

- You are? - Yeah. Come on, I'll show you.

Oh...

- - Good evening.

Good evening.

It was right around here someplace.

Pardon me.

Are you sitting on John Wayne?

Who, me? No!

Are you sure?

Positive. She's sitting on Bill Holden.

She's President of the Bill Holden Fan Club,

and once a year she comes here to sit on his signature.

Very funny. I could have sworn...

Come on, honey. Let's get out of here.

Oh, Lucy!

Oh, you poor little thing!

You ought to try sitting on a crowbar.

Oh!

What do I do?

Just lift it up so I can get my hand out.

One hand. Oh ...

Are you all right?

Just what I needed-- two Chinese back scratchers.

Oh, honey, maybe we'd better forget the whole thing.

Oh, no, I may go home without any fingers,

but I'm not going home empty-handed.

Come on now, give me a hand with this.

- All right. - Get it out.

- Are you all right over there? - Yeah.

- Huh? - Yeah.

[Ethel] Can you tilt it a little for me?

- Yeah. - Over this way?

- [Lucy] Ow! - Oh! Oh!

- Got it, honey? - Yeah. Get up together now.

Okay. All right. Here we go.

There we go.

Just as I thought, a couple of cement snatchers.

Fred, how'd you know we were here?

- I thought you said he was home snoring! - He was snoring when I left.

- What woke you up? - You did.

- I did? I wasn't even there! - That's what did it.

There was nobody poking me in the ribs until I made a rollover.

Now put that down!

Oh, Fred, the hardest part is over.

All we got to do is get it back to New York.

- Put that down. - Oh, Fred, go on home!

I won't move out of here until I've...

Two cops coming up the block!

Oh, easy now. Easy! Easy!

- Oh! - Put it...

- Who's going first? - I will, I will.

Oh, come on, let's hide.

Where? Where?

Behind those bushes. Get in there.

Hurry up, Lucy. Get in there!

- Oh! - What's the matter?

Oh, my foot's in the bucket!

First time since I've been on this beat.

Yeah. There's always some joker

trying to fit his feet into the stars' footprints.

- Well, it takes all kinds. - Yeah.

Take a look at the side door, will you?

Yeah.

Yup.

Well, Tyrone!

Oh!

Steve, don't tell anybody, huh?

All right.

Oh, boy, that was close.

- Come on. - I'll say it was.

- Come on, Lucy. - Let's get out of here!

- Come on. Hurry up! - Come on, Lucy!

- I can't hurry. - Come on.

It didn't harden?

Oh, didn't it?

We can get it off when we get home.

- Come on, we got to get out of here. - Okay.

[Ethel] What are you gonna do?

I'm not going home without this. Come on, give me a hand.

- Oh, Lucy! - Come on!

Are you two dames out of your head?

Wait a minute. Wait, wait...

I got it.

Put the...

Somebody else is coming now!

Give me that! Give me!

- Oh, Fred! - Hold it!

- Look out! - Go on, Ethel.

Hurry up!

[Ethel] I can't hurry!

Wait for me!

[Ethel] Here, Lucy. Come on.

- Come on. - Get around her.

- Come on. - Okay. Now run. Run, honey!

- Hurry now! - Run!

Hurry! Hurry!

Oh...

There!

"There" what?

Now what do we do?

Well, we may have to blast.

Oh, Fred...

Oh, Ethel, I've just got to get this thing off

before Ricky sees it. He'll kill me.

Oh, brother! If he ever finds out what we've done...

At least you can get away from him. I have to stay here and take it.

I'm like a sitting cement duck.

That's true.

Listen, if Ricky should come barging in here,

you both pick me up, aim my foot

and we'll try to ram him.

Oh, Lucy!

Oh, there must be some way to get her foot out of there.

Now, let's everybody think.

What are we gonna do?

I don't know, but I'd hate to be the next shoe clerk that waits on you.

Hello.

Oh, hi, Ricky.

Ricky!

[Ethel] Huh?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, we were in bed asleep.

Lucy? Lucy who?

Oh, that Lucy.

Yeah, she's here.

What's she doing here?

Uh, well, she was restless

and she couldn't sleep,

so she just wandered over here.

No, I don't think there's any rea...

Ricky? Ricky?

- He's coming over here! - What are we gonna to do?

- Get in bed! I told him we were asleep! - All right.

Get in, Fred!

Fred! Give me a hand with my foot.

"Give me a hand with my foot"!

Get it up here.

Hurry up. Then I got to cover it up.

- Careful now, it hurts. - This is heavy!

Come on, hurry up. Go on, way up. Hurry up, come on, Fred!

Come on!

Pull up. Cover it up. Cover it up.

Now tuck it in, right around there.

Tuck it in.

That's it. Now get back in bed. Hurry up.

Lucy, what are you doing here?

- Lucy! - Yeah, what? Huh? What?

Oh, hello, dear.

What are you doing here?

Oh, I was restless and couldn't sleep.

Well, come on home.

No, no. I can't seem to sleep in my bed.

Th-This couch is so comfortable.

Just makes you want to drop right off.

Good night, dear.

- [Ethel] Good night, Ricky. - [Fred] Good night, Rick.

I don't know what's going on here, but you're going home.

Oh, no, I'm not!

- Yes, you are! - No, I'm not!

Will you two stop yakking

and give a fella a chance to get his beauty sleep?

You are going home.

- Come on. - Oh, Ricky.

Are you gaining weight?

You feel like a block of cement.

It's all those malts, dear. Put me back on the couch.

Oh, Ricky, let her stay here.

Put her down, you cad!

All right. Let's have the story.

Story? What makes you think there's a story?

Well, the Mertzes are in their beds with their clothes on

and you have your foot in what seems to be a block of cement.

I just thought there might be a little explanation.

You'd think so, wouldn't you?

All right, Lucy.

Let's have it.

Well, uh, I was restless and couldn't sleep.

You see, I have this foot condition...

It's sort of a hardening of the arches. I ...

I'm not buying that.

Lucy, I want you to tell me the truth.

Yeah, well, I can't think

with all this cement wrapped around my foot.

Oh, is that where your brains are?

Let's see if I... Oh, here.

I'll loosen it up for you.

Sure.

- Ooh. - Yeah.

Oh, well.

Thank you!

Uh, well, come on, let's go home, dear.

- [Ricky] Lucy! - Yes, sir?

What happened?

Uh...

Well, I'll tell you what happened.

Well, before you do, I'd better take this.

Well, I, uh... We went to Grauman's Chinese Theatre

on a routine souvenir hunt, and, uh,

while we were there,

we, uh, we saw this hunk of cement

with John Wayne's footprints on it

and we decided to-to swipe this hunk of cement

and while we were doing it, the cops came along

and we got scared and tried to hide in some bushes

and that's just where Ethel had put a... a big bucket of cement

and, uh, and my foot got caught... in it.

Well, you've told me a lot of crazy stories in your time,

but this is the craziest.

Now, come on, Fred, Ethel. What's the truth?

- She's telling the truth! - That's the truth!

- We got the block of cement under the bed. - Yeah, we'll show it to you.

It sounded kind of silly when she was telling it, I'll admit.

It's heavy, honey.

- John Wayne... - It's heavy.

[Ethel] Ooh, look out, Fred.

See, Rick? John Wayne.

See? See?

See, his footprints.

Ay-ay-ay-ay-ay!

Mira! Que tienen una cosa

de ir all frente del Grauman's Chinese Theatre

y robarse el footprints de John Wayne.

What's he saying?

Well, I don't know, but I have an idea it isn't

"Hot diggety! Just what I've always wanted."

Lucy, you're taking that back right now.

After all I went through to get it?

No, I don't want to, Ricky!

Lucy, you take that back where it belongs.

Come on!

Well, okay.

- Come on, Ethel. Give me a hand. - Yeah.

Careful.

It's heavy.

- Be careful, Ethel. Don't drop it. - Look out.

Yeah. You got it?

Yep. Got it?

- Yeah. - Okay.

We'll take it back where it belongs, dear.

That's better.

Right under my bed!

Come on, Ethel.

Lucy, you come back here!

Lucy!

You scared me.

You take that back.

But, Ricky...

Now, either you take that back

or we're all going back to New York tomorrow morning.

- - Take it back, will you!

But, I... but it's all broken.

Just the corners are broken. "John Wayne" you can still read.

- I don't want to go back to New York! - Oh, shut up!

Fred, get that cement we've got left.

We can cement in the corners when we put it back in. Come on, Lucy.

Oh, Ethel ...

Come on now, Lucy!

Oh, Fred.

- Come on! - Come on!

Ricky?

Did you put it back?

What do you mean, "no"? Why not?

Well, Ricky, we... dropped it

and it broke in ten million little pieces.

What!

Where's Lucy?

Well, we heard the cops coming again

and we started to run and that's how we broke it.

Where is Lucy?

Oh, I kind of wanted to get you prepared.

You know, the last time

she got her foot caught in a bucket...

She didn't do it again, did she?

Well ...

she just tripped and...

Lucy?