Original subtitles

Lucy, for goodness' sakes, aren't you ready yet?

I'll be ready in a minute, dear.

Hurry up, we're going to miss

the start of the movie.

I'll be ready in a minute, dear.

I wonder what time that feature starts.

What did you do with the paper?

I'll be ready in a minute, dear.

"I'll be ready in a minute, dear."

"I'll be ready in a minute, dear."

Ay-ay-ay.

Oh, there it is.

High Noon, Gary Cooper...

8:23!

I'll be ready in a minute, dear.

Ay-ay-ay.

Lucy, you haven't even got your dress on yet.

You were supposed to be ready an hour ago.

Well, it's all your fault.

My fault?

Yes, I wasted an hour

telling you I'd be ready in a minute.

Oh, now, come on, what are you doing?

Now, honey, I'm almost ready and you're not helping any.

If you want to make yourself useful,

get a dress out for me to put on.

All right, all right.

Which, which dress you want to wear?

Well, which dress you want to put on?

I'm thinking.

I can't make up my mind.

Put on any dress, honey.

The Mertzes will be here in a minute.

What makes you think so?

I talked to Ethel ten minutes ago.

She wasn't anywhere near ready.

She'll be here.

Fred told me that tonight she's going to be here

ready to go, with her coat on, at 8:00, no matter what.

Hah! If I know Ethel.

She's just about getting out of the tub.

Well, look, just in case

they happen to be on time

would you please decide which dress you want to put on?

Well, what dress would you like me to wear?

How about this one, eh?

You like that dress?

Yeah, sure, I like it; it's beautiful, fine.

No, Ethel's seen me in that so much.

How about this one?

Oh, honey, everybody's seen me in that.

Oh, I wouldn't wear that to a movie.

Why not?

Don't tell me Gary Cooper has seen you in it.

No, it's too tight.

Ay-ay-ay.

[Fred] Hi, Rick, here we are!

You folks ready?

We'll be ready in a minute, dear.

Now you got me doing it.

You see, he's got Ethel up here, ready to go,

just like he said he would.

You go out and talk to them, dear.

I'll be right out.

Okay.

Now, look, if you're not ready in five minutes,

we're going to go without you.

Yes, dear.

All right.

Hiya, Fred. Hi, Ethel.

Hi, Rick.

You did better than I did.

Lucy's still dressing.

You're not firm enough.

Well, I'll be firm enough tomorrow night, boy.

We're going to have dinner with the new buss.

You're having dinner with a bus?

Mr. Littlefield-- the fellow that bought the nightclub--

I work for him now; he's my buss.

Oh, I thought you meant bus,

like they have at the boss station.

Oh.

Yeah.

Well, she'd better be on time tomorrow night

or she'll really be known

as the late Mrs. Ricardo.

- I heard that remark. - Hi, Fred.

- Hi, Lucy. - Hi, Ethel.

Oh, gee, do you look pretty!

Is that new?

What's the matter with you?

Oh, she's mad at me.

When I say 8:00, ready or not, I mean it.

I don't get it.

Lucy, it's one minute to 7:00,

and we're supposed to be there at 7:30.

I'll be ready in a minute, dear.

Lucy, I'm telling you,

I don't want anything to go wrong tonight.

I'm talking to Mr. Littlefield

about making me the manager of the club.

Now, I'm going to give you 25 seconds...

20 seconds...

What were you saying, dear?

Lucy, you're all dressed and ready to go.

Naturally.

Well, I apologize for everything I ever said.

How did you do it?

I played a little trick on myself.

What do you mean?

Well, knowing my own weakness

I wanted to make sure that I'd be on time

so I turned the clock back

so I'd have an extra hour.

It's only 6:00, instead of 7:00.

Why, honey, that's wonderful.

I'm proud of you.

Thank you.

You know, I can really get things done

if I just put my mind to it.

Oh, gee, I hope the Littlefields

have a good dinner.

I'm starved.

Me, too-- I didn't have any lunch.

You know, that clock idea is real clever.

I should have thought of that a long time ago.

Come on, honey.

Okay, dear.

Gee, look how dark it is, and it's only 6:00.

Yeah, well, the days are getting shorter.

No, they're not, they're getting longer.

Lucy?

What?

Which way did you turn this clock?

Forward or backwards?

Backwards, so I'd get an extra hour.

Oh, no!

You should have turned it forward.

Forward?

Sure, then when it said 7:00,

it would only be 6:00.

It's now 8:00.

Eww...

We'll be an hour late for dinner.

Come on, will you?

Oh, no!

Alvin, what do you suppose

could have happened to the Ricardos?

I can't imagine.

I told them dinner at 7:30.

It's nearly 8:30 now.

Really, when I realize how you rushed me.

"Have it ready on time."

"Have it ready on time."

"Be sure it's ready on time."

Phoebe, you know I consider tardiness a major sin.

I wish I could get you to feel that way.

Oh, darling, why do you persist in sneaking these in here?

They're so cheap-looking.

We can afford real fruit, you know.

Alvin...

Mama gave us that wax fruit

for our wedding anniversary.

Now you put it right back where it belongs.

I don't care, Phoebe...

Oh, there they are now.

Well, come in, come in, come in.

I don't believe you've met Mrs. Littlefield.

Phoebe, may I present

Mrs. Ricardo, Mr. Ricardo.

- How do you do? - How do you do?

Pleasure.

Oh, I'm so sorry that we're late.

It's just disgraceful.

It's quite all...

Won't you sit down?

Mr. Ricardo,

you come and sit here next to me.

Thank you, thank you.

Gee, I hope we haven't ruined your dinner.

Oh, not at all.

Of course not.

Oh, that's good.

It was delicious.

You mean you finished dinner?

Oh, some time ago.

When I say 7:30, I mean 7:30.

Oh.

Of course, I could fix you something

even though everything has been put away

and the dishes are all washed.

Oh, well, I hate to bother you, but, gee, I'm so darn hungry...

No, thank you, Mrs. Littlefield, we've eaten.

But, Ricky...

We've eaten.

See, when... when we saw that we couldn't get a cab right away,

we-we had a little snack.

- [Mrs. Littlefield] Oh, well, if you're quite sure. - [Ricky] Yes.

Well, it's too bad you couldn't make it for dinner.

Phoebe outdid herself.

[Phoebe] It wasn't anything special.

Just pork chops.

Pork chops?

Oh, they're my favorite.

Oh, then you would have loved these.

They were stuffed

and about that thick.

About that thick?

And the potatoes were a masterpiece.

Now, Alvin!

Oh, but they were, my dear, they were--

Baked, and with big globs of cheese...

and butter.

Big globs of cheese and butter?

I must have gained five pounds,

what with all that cheese and butter

and the hollandaise sauce.

Hollandaise sauce?

What was it on?

Asparagus tips--

Fresh, tender asparagus tips.

Are you... are you sure you've both had dinner?

Oh, yes, we had plenty.

Didn't we, Lucy?

Hollandaise sauce, huh?

Perhaps you'd like an after-dinner mint.

Oh, where are they? Where are they?

Well, I-I think I have room

for just one teensy-weensy mint.

I always say

there's nothing quite...

There's nothing

quite like a good after-dinner mint, is there?

Oh!

I'll get some more.

I, uh, I must say, Mr. Ricardo,

I hope this being late isn't a habit with you.

I like punctuality in the people who work for me.

Oh, yes, I know.

This was just an accident, sir.

[Littlefield] Well, I hope it was.

Mrs. Ricardo!

[Ricky] Lucy!

Lucy!

Honey, I don't know what you're so upset about.

The Littlefields understood when we explained the clock business.

Mrs. Littlefield cooked dinner for us, didn't she?

It doesn't matter.

It was very embarrassing.

She wouldn't have had to go through all that trouble

if you would have been on time.

Now, how long does it take you in the bathtub?

To do what?

What are you writing there?

"Lucy's schedule"?

Lucy who?

Lucy you, that's who.

Let me see this.

I'm making out a schedule

so you can budget your time.

Budget my time?

You mean like I budget my money?

Heaven forbid.

Give me that.

Now, Ricky, listen...

You listen to me.

Now, I'm sick and tired

of you being late all the time.

It's obvious you cannot budget your time,

so somebody has to do it for you.

Well, I don't think I'm going to like this.

How does it go?

Well, we'll write down everything

that you do during the day,

and we'll allow so much time for each thing--

Ten minutes for this, 15 minutes for that...

Oh, I'm going to need more than 15 minutes for that.

Oh, I'm going to need more than 15 minutes for that.

Never mind.

You're going to go on this schedule

and you're starting tomorrow morning, understand?

Yes, sir.

Good morning, dear.

Good morning.

How about a good-morning kiss?

Sorry, it's not on the schedule.

You know, as a matter of fact, I want to congratulate you

on the way you've been budgeting your time

in the last few days.

Well, as much as I hate to admit it,

this thing does seem to work.

Good.

Is breakfast ready?

Yep, all set.

There's nothing on the stove.

Where is it?

Well, I knew I wouldn't have time

to cook it this morning.

So, I had some time left over last night,

so I cooked breakfast last night.

You did what?

Don't worry about it spoiling.

It's all in the freezer.

Lucy, I can't eat this egg.

Why not?

It's too salty.

Well, I'd cook you another one,

- but it would throw me off my schedule. -Never mind.

I have an appointment with Mr. Littlefield.

Just give me some coffee, huh?

Yes, sir.

Thank you.

Lucy...

What's the matter?

You always like iced coffee.

More coffee, Ricky?

Oh, yes, thank you.

Another roll?

Don't mind if I do.

Don't you people ever eat at your house?

Yes, sir.

It-it's just that I have a very big appetite.

Oh. Oh, I see.

Well, let's get down to business.

Um, I've been thinking over your suggestion

about being the manager of the club,

and I'd like to talk to you about it.

Well, certainly.

I've been watching you,

and I like the way you handle things.

Oh, thank you.

In fact, you have all the qualifications

to be manager of the Tropicana.

Oh, well, then can I... can I get the job?

No.

Oh.

I'd say yes, except for one little thing--

That business about being late for dinner the other night.

Oh, but that was my wife's fault.

Oh, that's just it.

If a man can't run his own home,

I certainly can't give him a nightclub to manage.

Uh, cigarette?

Yes, thank you.

You can appreciate my position, of course.

Oh, yes, sir, I do, of course I do.

Uh...

You see, Mr. Littlefield, you don't understand.

That was before.

Things are all different now.

Oh?

Oh, yes, sir.

The other night when I got home, I laid down the law.

I made out a schedule and I'm making her stick to it.

And?

It's working fine.

She's really doing what you say?

Oh, sir, I got her jumping around

like a trained seal.

A trained seal.

Oh, I sure would like to see a thing like that.

Well, why don't you come for dinner tonight,

and you can see how the schedule works?

May I bring my wife?

Certainly.

Then she can see

that a house can be run on schedule.

If it works the way you say it does,

you can be the new manager.

Thank you very much.

[Ethel] Hi.

Oh, oh!

Hi, Ethel.

Uh... sit down.

I have three-and-a-half minutes to spare.

Listen, Lucy, you're going to have to cut out

this schedule business.

Why?

'Cause Fred thinks it's a wonderful idea.

If it works out, he's going to put me on one.

Well, truthfully, Ethel,

I find that I get everything done,

and I have time left over.

Of course, I cheated a little bit.

What do you mean, you cheated a little bit?

I drew in an extra hour at the bottom of the chart.

Where did you get the extra hour?

From the next day.

From the next day?

Yeah. It'll work out fine till the end of the year

and then I'll be two weeks short.

Who can that be?

Oh, Mrs. Littlefield!

How do you do?

Come in, won't you?

Uh, this is my neighbor, Ethel Mertz.

This is Mrs. Littlefield.

- How do you do? - How do you do?

Sit down, won't you?

Thank you.

Well, I... I didn't expect you until tonight.

Mrs. Ricardo, what are you trying to do

to the wives of America?

I beg your pardon?

Your husband told my husband

that you're running this house on a time schedule.

- That's right. - You Benedict Arnold.

What do you mean?

We wives have spent years persuading our husbands

that we haven't time to do our work.

Now, if you go through with this,

you'll louse it up for all of us.

You're darned right.

My husband wants to put me on a schedule, too.

If my Alvin sees what he likes

here at dinner tonight

I start punching a time clock tomorrow.

Well, I can't let Ricky down.

He's asked you here tonight

to show you how proud he is of me.

Oh, yes?

Well, I overheard him tell my husband

that he had you hopping around

like a trained seal.

Oh, he didn't mean it like that.

No, of course not.

Trained seal, huh?

It was probably

just an unfortunate choice of words

when he invited us here tonight

to "watch you perform."

"Watch me perform"?

Well, I'm sorry, but you're not going to see me

balance a ball on my nose tonight.

Good girl!

Lucy, what are you going to do?

Will you and Fred come to dinner tonight?

- Sure. -This is no time for formality.

Phoebe, will you help me?

Lucy, I'll do anything.

Thank you.

Me, too.

Thank you.

Trained seals of the world, unite!

Lucy?

Yes, dear?

Are you sure dinner is going to be ready

when the Littlefields get here?

Now, don't worry, dear.

Everything will come off right on schedule.

Good girl.

I got to hand it to you, Rick.

That schedule idea was a real brainstorm.

I'm putting Ethel on one tomorrow.

[Ricky] Attaboy!

You know, that little idea is going to make me

a nightclub manager.

Good.

Here they are.

Come on in, come on in.

Hello, good evening, Mr. Littlefield.

How are you?

Oh!

Sit right down here, Mr. Littlefield.

Oh, I'd like you to meet Mr. Mertz.

Mr. Littlefield.

- How do you do? - Sit right down.

Come in, Mrs. Littlefield.

Right over in here.

Lucy.

What?

What is this?

Well, can't waste time.

Got to keep on schedule, you know.

Oh, oh. Oh, Mr. Little... the schedule, you know,

Mr. Littlefield, the schedule.

Oh. Oh, yeah, very interesting.

Well, let's talk.

How have you been, Mr. Littlefield?

Oh, fine, fine.

I had a cold, but I went to the doctor.

He gave me a shot.

It went right away.

Of course, there's been a lot of colds going around...

Time's up!

How are you, Fred?

Not so good-- I got kind of a hitch...

Sorry. Mr. Littlefield used up all your time.

How about a drink?

- Yeah, that's a good idea. - I'd love one!

Yeah, so would I; had a hard day.

A drink would just hit the spot.

Well, it's too bad we don't have time for one.

Well, let's sit down and eat.

You sit right here, Mr. Littlefield.

Fred, you're right across from Mr. Littlefield.

Mrs. Littlefield, would you help me in the kitchen?

I'd love to.

Lucy, Mrs. Littlefield is a guest.

I don't mind.

She doesn't mind.

Well, I'm really hungry.

Me, too.

Well, that's good

because Lucy's a wonderful little cook, you know.

[Ricky] Yes, sir!

- Soup. - Soup!

Oh, and doesn't that look good.

[Ricky] Isn't that nice?

[Lucy] Well, dig in, everybody.

Lucy, where are you going?

It's all the time we had for soup.

Got to stick to the schedule, you know.

- The schedule. - The schedule.

I didn't have time to taste it.

Too bad. It was delicious.

I wonder what kind it was.

Split pea, I think.

Split pea, yep.

- Salad. - Salad!

Well, this is a nice salad.

Looks fine.

Doesn't that look good.

That is really...

Did you get any?

Me, either.

Look, look. There's a radish.

Ah!

Yeah.

[Ricky] Lucy!

What are you trying to do?

Just trying to stay on schedule.

I'll talk to you later.

Well, okay.

I think I have some free time at 11 :43 tonight.

What's the matter, Mr. Littlefield?

There's a shirt button in my water glass!

Lucy!

[Lucy] Yes, dear?

There's a shirt button in Mr. Littlefield's water glass!

Oh, oh, well, I know how that happened.

You see, I found that I could save time

by washing the dishes and the clothes together.

What is this?

Steak and peas.

They look frozen.

They are.

You see, there's no time on the schedule for defrosting.

But don't worry.

We have some nice hot biscuits.

Ethel, let's have those biscuits!

Here we go, girl!

[Lucy] Right smack through the middle!

There we go, yes, sir!

Pass them right along.

That a girl!

Come on, Ethel, that's it, kid!

Faster, faster. There we go.

Come on, a little faster! That a girl.

Right straight through the middle!

That a girl! Very good.

- Just... - Yeah, boy!

Just a minute!

- Yeah, boy! - I've had enough of this.

I tell you...

Mr. Littlefield, please.

Please, Mr. Littlefield.

I think I can explain this, Mr. Littlefield.

So can I!

You've got this poor girl terrified.

She's scared to death of you.

She's afraid of losing a second.

Anyone can see that.

Yeah!

What a temper you must have.

Yeah.

It's one thing wearing the trousers in the family,

but it's another being a Simon Legree,

an ogre, a... a...

Monster.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Well, may-may-maybe I have been cracking down

a little bit too hard.

[Mr. Littlefield] I should say you have.

Now, first, we're going to get rid of this nonsense!

[Ricky] Yes, sir.

Being a slave driver is no way to run a home.

No, sir.

But... it's the only way

to run a nightclub, Mr. Manager.

- Mr. Manager! - Mr. Manager!

Mr. Littlefield was played by Gale Gordon,

and Mrs. Littlefield was played by Edith Meiser.

I Love Lucy is a Desilu production.