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How to manipulate people for good.
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So I'm a psychologist
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and I'm doing a series on how to manipulate people for good.
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We're gonna continue the series today with something that's called
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The Positive Opposite. So when most people try to get people to change,
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they focus on criticism and the negative behavior.
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This is an awful way to get people to change
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because it will make them resent you.
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And it is not a long term,
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lasting solution to helping people change.
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What we actually wanna do is
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we wanna focus on the positive behavior we want,
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and that is called the positive opposite.
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So, um,
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one example that I can give you of this is,
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let's say, um,
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you and your partner at a party,
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and your partner doesn't spend enough time with you at the party.
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They go off and they talk to other people.
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And typically what we would normally say is like,
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hey, you just abandoned me at the party.
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What's wrong with you? Like,
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why do you not care about me?
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And this type of communication strategy is not effective
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and illicit to change
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because we're not actually telling the partner what we would want.
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Instead, like,
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they have no clue how they could win here.
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It could be a range of things.
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Like, maybe we want them to stay by our side all night.
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Maybe they. We just want them to stay by our side for 15 minutes.
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Like, there's.
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They have no Clue and so
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one of the best ways we can elicit change in people
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is making it very clear what we actually want
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in the positive. So it would sound something like this. Hey,
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I missed you during the party last night.
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In future parties, could we stick together for 30 minutes?
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It doesn't have to be that hyper specific.
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But knowing what you want
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and communicating it in the positive opposite
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is what's actually gonna get people to want to change for you.
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Because you're painting them a future that they can actually achieve
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and that they know that this is what the behavior you want.
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And if they do this behavior,
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then they sort of win with you, right?
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Instead of just criticizing what they didn't do
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and then not even offering a way to win.
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