Original subtitles

This just in: New evidence that

unidentified flying objects have been secretly visiting

Bikini Bottom for years.

General, what are the chances that these photos

and videos are just a hoax?

99.99999%.

There you have it--

conclusive proof that there is a 0.00001% chance

UFOs are real.

That means there could be evidence of UFOs anywhere!

Let's go find some.

Here, alien.

Alien! Alien!

- Hmm. - Huh?

Uh, huh?

Huh?

It's the middle of the night!

What are you two idiots doing?

We found an alien crop circle!

It's only a crop circle because you're

stomping on my begonias!

Huh?

Okay.

Yeah, that is us.

We're hunting space aliens and UFOs.

Space aliens and UFOs do not exist.

Go to sleep!

Okay.

You want to see space aliens?

I'll show you space aliens.

This could definitely be a UFO.

A real UFO!

both: First contact!

First contact!

both: Whoa!

Intergalactic.

Spacey.

Cosmic.

We just got hit by a flying saucer!

- Yeah! - Yeah! Cool!

Cool! Yeah!

Greetings, earthlings.

A r-r-real space alien.

Greetings, sir.

It's me, you tinfoil twits.

It was all me.

Space aliens don't exist.

Got it?

Thank you, Squidward.

We can see now how silly we really were.

I know.

Let's play superheroes instead.

Yeah!

At least we know they're real.

Idiots.

At last, evidence of our ancient aquatic ancestors.

We must take the artifact back to the ship.

We'll be rich.

Rich, I say.

I told you two, space aliens don't exist.

Go away!

Oh, no.

The artifact is infested with a parasite.

We must eradicate it before our departure.

I'm telling you, it's always something.

Huh?

Who--who's there?

Ahh!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ah-ha!

My holes!

Oh, my holes!

Thank Neptune I have my readers.

Have SpongeBob and Patrick gone cuckoo?

You!

SpongeBob and Patrick, take off those stupid masks!

I know it's you.

Stop it.

You're hurting me.

Mayday! Mayday!

We need backup.

Will you two shut up in there?

I'm trying to get your heads--

off?

Those nimrods were right.

Aliens are real!

SpongeBob, let me in!

You were right!

Tell Patrick you were right!

Success.

The vermin has evacuated.

Let's take the artifact to our ship

before that horrible stinkbug comes back.

No! Wait! Wait!

Wait, wait, wait!

Hmm.

So I says, I'll show you a tractor beam.

All right, who's in charge here?

I want to speak to the manager.

Manager?

Take me to your leader.

That would be our supervisor.

His office is down this hall.

You just make a left then a right.

Don't talk to him.

He is the vermin we eradicated.

Looks like somebody failed eradication class.

Zip it.

I outrank you both.

I want you to put my home back where you found it.

Could you step forward?

I'm hard of hearing.

Sure.

And another thing.

What's the big idea of coming to my planet

and taking my house out of my yard

just because it looked like your stupid head?

Talking vermin are the worst kind.

Am I right?

Just so it's not a total loss,

I say we run some tests and do a probe.

Hooray! We're doing a probe!

all: Probe! Probe! Probe!

Probe! Probe! Probe!

Probe! Probe! - Probe?

Probe! Probe! Probe!

Probe! Probe!

X-ray.

Despite the large cranium,

the brain seems below average size.

Hey!

High blood pressure.

Better watch that temper.

Rotate neck.

Nose hose.

Impressive storage space.

Now for the fun part.

Ahh!

Freedom!

all: Hut. Hut. Hut. Hut. Hut.

Hut. Hut. Hut. Hut. Hut.

Huh?

Daddy.

Huh?

No!

Please don't probe me!

Huh?

In this probe, I will be asking you

embarrassing questions about your childhood.

Well, I guess I did have trouble making friends.

Then when I was three, I said, "Mumsy, I told you,

I don't like kelp juice."

And she said, "Well, I don't like being called Mumsy."

And then-- all: Enough!

Good riddance, vermin.

Keep your dumb, old artifact.

And you can keep your mother stories too.

Oy vey!

Squidward, if I didn't know better,

I'd be thinking that was a real alien spaceship.

But we do know better, huh, Squidward?

I was wrong, okay?

Aliens are real!

I was on their ship, and I was telling them about my mother,

and--and--and--and--

We get it, Squidward.

Aliens don't exist!

But they do exist.

Of course.