Original subtitles

[♪♪♪]

[ENGINE VROOMING]

[TIRES SCREECH]

God, do I

hate Paris.

Not to worry.

Probably won't be

around

much longer.

[♪♪♪]

[ALARM BUZZING FAINTLY]

[WEAPONS POWER UP]

MAN:

I've been waiting

a long time for this.

I guess what--

What I'm trying to say is,

Lisa, will you mar--?

AGENT H: Bonjour.

We're with

Tower security.

Uh, we're

terribly sorry,

but you're not

supposed to be here.

Sorry.

Sorry.

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

So? She say yes?

I haven't asked yet.

He hasn't asked yet.

Oh, well, that's

a terrible shame, isn't it?

Because, you see, that

blinking light back there

means there's been

a breach in Portal 2.

Which means,

in just a few minutes,

the most vile creatures

in the entire universe,

the Hive,

are gonna consume

every last one

of us from the inside out.

I don't understand.

All will be explained

if you look right...

here.

The Tower was closed

for repairs.

Ask her

on the way down.

This way,

please.

[WIND WHISTLING]

Thank you.

Mind

the gap.

[DOOR CLANGS SHUT]

Right. Shall we?

Let's do this.

[SCREAMING, GROANING]

AGENT H:

Hey, guys.

Who the hell

are you?

Ask her again

down on the ground.

[WEAPON DISCHARGES]

[GRUNTING]

Whew.

Ah, there you are.

Yeah.

All right.

Let's try this again,

shall we?

[WEAPONS CLICK, BUZZ]

So, what's

the play here?

We've been

in this situation before.

We've never faced

the Hive before.

They've never

faced us.

Always remember,

the universe has

a way of leading you

to where

you're supposed to be

at the moment

you're supposed to be there.

Yeah, well, sometimes,

the universe gets it wrong.

[♪♪♪]

[CREATURE ROARS]

[SIREN WAILS]

[♪♪♪]

HAROLD & MAN [ON TV]:

"Let's have some action.

I want some

asses wiggling.

I want some perfection."

[CACKLES]

[IMITATES CACKLING]

[OBJECTS CLATTERING]

Get my

three-wood.

Come on,

let's go.

Okay, okay.

Careful.

[OBJECTS CLATTERING]

[HAROLD SCREAMS]

HAROLD:

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God. Baby.

What?

Uh...

That wasn't

no animal, okay?

It was a--

It was a--

I ain't never seen

nothing like that before.

It was, like,

a creature.

What? Harold,

call the police.

The who?

The police.

Call the police!

[PHONE BEEPS]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

That was fast.

MAN:

Evening.

We're from Animal Control.

You saw something?

HAROLD: We haven't called yet.

MOLLY'S MOM:

Are we in danger?

Does it have rabies?

HAROLD:

That wasn't a regular animal.

It was like--

MAN: The creature you saw was

an unlicensed Tarantian

from Andromeda II.

Very rare, very dangerous.

MOLLY'S MOM: Sorry, what?

MAN: A Tarantian.

I know.

He looks cute now.

Tarantian?

MAN: But when they hit puberty,

they turn into real monsters.

[TARANTIAN SQUEAKS]

[GASPS]

[TOY SQUEAKS]

[SQUEAKING]

Shh.

Don't be scared.

It's okay.

MAN:

Tell me, is there

anyone else in the house?

MOLLY'S MOM:

Just our daughter.

She's sleeping.

MAN:

A raccoon. Yeah,

that's your problem, folks.

Go ahead and make sure

those trash can lids

are on nice and tight,

and we were never here.

MOLLY'S MOM:

We should

go check on Molly.

[GASPS]

We've gotta

get you out of here.

[CAR REVS, VROOMS]

Come on.

[♪♪♪]

[BABBLES]

[SQUEAKS]

It's okay.

[PURRS]

I'm your friend.

I'm Molly. Go on.

Molly.

Kabla nakshulin.

[CHITTERS]

Kabla nakshulin.

MAN:

Well, Molly,

you've scored excellent

or above

in every area.

Fitness,

deductive reasoning, logic,

weapons training.

Just one problem.

You didn't check a box.

For your preferred division.

Everyone has to check a box.

Hm.

Yeah, I made my own box

for the division

that has no box.

You know, the division

where they wear black suits

and deal with the guys from...

[CLICKS TONGUE]

...up there.

You mean, Accounting?

No, like...

[IMITATES SPACESHIP ENGINE]

Yeah, still...

Accounting.

[SIREN WAILING, OUTSIDE]

MAN:

That should fix the glitch.

Remember, we care.

You're good to go.

And remember,

we care.

[SNORES]

Look for the icon marked

advanced extensions.

WOMAN [ON PHONE]: Okay.

Click on it.

WOMAN:

Which icon?

There's a bunch--

Thirteenth icon from the left.

WOMAN: Whose left?

Your left.

WOMAN: Oh, sorry.

I got it now.

Okay, got it?

WOMAN: Yeah, got it.

Are you still there?

[GASPS]

Hello? Help. What's going on?

Oh, no.

Nothing. Let me just run

a little diagnostic on my end,

and I will be back.

No, it won't take long.

Not long at all. Okay.

What the f...?

This is perplexing.

Is it?

Is it?

A-L-I-E-N-S?

I don't know why

you always insist

on whispering

and spelling that.

Finally decided

to show up, huh?

[COMPUTER BEEPS]

Oh, my God.

All I have to do

is figure out

trajectory, and I am in.

I'm back. Okay, try this.

WOMAN: Hi.

Unplug it, plug it back in.

WOMAN: Okay.

And remember, we care.

WOMAN: Hello?

[SIGHS]

I have to go.

Jimmy's coming back

to get the kids.

Yes.

[♪♪♪]

Okay. Let's see

where you are now.

[CLACKS KEYBOARD]

COMPUTER:

Welcome back,

Professor Armitage.

[CHIMES]

Oh, you tricky one.

I don't think you're

a meteor after all, are you?

Nope, I think you are

an unauthorized landing.

This is it.

It's all happening.

See you soon, Jimmy.

[♪♪♪]

MOLLY:

Right here, right here.

Right here.

Hey, hey.

Hey.

Please keep

the meter running.

I'll pay you

extra.

What?

[PHONE BEEPING]

[BEEPING INTENSIFIES]

[BEEPING STOPS]

[PIGEONS COOING]

[♪♪♪]

[GASPS]

AGENT:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Come on, Jimmy.

What are you doing

back on Earth?

Hey, this is--?

This is Earth?

My bad, guys.

Come on.

AGENT:

Tell it to O back at HQ.

ALIEN:

I want to see my kids.

AGENT:

Get this ship out of here.

I'll escort our

Zamporian friend back.

[PANTING]

Don't lose them.

DRIVER: What?

I'm on it.

On it.

Go, go, go. Go.

MOLLY:

Hey, did they bring in

that Zamporian yet?

Came in a couple of

minutes ahead of you.

The guy tried to sneak in

behind a Perseid meteor shower.

Amateur hour. Am I right?

Right as rain.

Rain don't lie.

Sheesh, talk about

amateur hour.

Hey, you gonna

call this in, or what?

[WALKIE-TALKIE CHIRPS]

MAN:

Code Black.

[♪♪♪]

FEMALE VOICE [OVER PA]:

Unauthorized visitor.

Lockdown protocol engaged

in three, two, one.

[GASPS]

AGENT O:

All right, who's

she working for?

She claims to be

working alone.

A random civilian

simply waltzes in

off the high street.

I don't think so.

Neuralyze her.

[WHIRS]

No, no, no. Don't.

I know what that thing is.

Please.

AGENT O [ON SPEAKER]:

Hang on. Hang on.

She had

an experience.

It erased my parents' memories,

but it didn't take mine.

So my whole life,

everyone's called me crazy.

They said that

I needed therapy,

which, okay,

admittedly, I did,

but not for this.

Did she really hack

into the Hubble Telescope

to look at Andromeda II,

and we didn't catch her?

In the old days,

we'd have hired her.

It took me 20 years to find you,

plus or minus.

How many people

can say that?

I found you.

[ELECTRONIC DOOR UNLATCHES]

So you found us.

You proved you're not crazy.

You win the I'm Not Crazy

badge. Now what?

I want in.

We don't hire. We recruit.

Then I'd like

to be recruited.

I'm going to need more.

But would you mind giving me

one good reason?

Because I'm smart.

I'm motivated.

I look good in black.

I'm--

Boring me.

Because I have absolutely

no life whatsoever.

I have nothing.

I have no dog, no cat,

definitely no chill.

I have nothing

that I couldn't

happily walk away from,

which makes me

perfect for this job.

Well, you're certainly

suitably tragic.

No love?

No relationships?

They just distract you from

what's important.

Hm, really?

And what's important?

The truth

of the universe.

I wanna know everything.

I wanna know

how it all works.

You really think

a black suit

is going to solve

all your problems?

Mmm... No,

but it looks damn good on you.

That's true.

[COMPUTER CHIMING]

[♪♪♪]

AGENT O:

From this moment,

you will conform

to the identity we give you.

You will dress only

in MIB Special Services attire.

You have been trained

in the use

of MIB-sanctioned technology,

vehicles and weaponry.

Mm-mm.

AGENT O:

You will not stand out

in any way.

You are no longer

part of the system.

You do not exist.

Check, please.

AGENT O:

We are above the system.

Over it, beyond it.

We are them. We are they.

We are

the Men in Black.

The "Men"

in Black?

Don't.

Don't start.

I've had

the conversation.

They didn't seem

to be able to let it go.

It's a process.

Attachment issue, I think.

There's

your first assignment.

Okay.

When do I get my...?

[BUZZES]

It's called a neuralyzer.

And you don't just get it,

you earn it.

You've been accepted

for a probationary period.

Impress me, and

we'll see about the bzzz.

Okay.

Hm.

You're a fan of the truth,

aren't you, Agent M?

I like it.

Mm.

I think we may have

a problem in London.

[♪♪♪]

[BIG BEN CHIMES]

[COUGHING]

Wow, that is smooth.

Let's keep them coming,

shall we?

Another

round.

Ah!

So can I just say how much

I'm liking this place?

It's formal,

but not too stuffy.

Classic, but still

kind of stylish.

Makes it a very Eyes Wide Shut

kind of vibe.

I'm kidding.

Sort of.

[ROARS, HISSES]

[GASPS]

Hoo, hoo!

Or is it

mostly just

the lethal high-stakes

gambling?

Thank you very much.

Would you look at that?

Straight to the ace, gentlemen.

That's me again.

Let's talk business,

shall we?

I can move this stuff.

Who do I speak with

about getting

a lot more of it?

Because I'm in.

You're not.

You see, I have

a very strict

"no Men in Black"

policy.

[COUGHS]

Oh, God.

I don't blame you.

Who'd want those assholes

coming in here?

Men in Black. The Morons

in Black, if you ask me.

What a bunch of dicks.

Am I right?

All it takes is one bad apple

to spoil any environment--

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

Stop it, guys.

[ALL GRUNTING]

[HISSES]

[WAILING]

[GRUNTS]

I am MIB,

you Cerulian scum.

And FYI, your little

club here sucks.

You're gonna give me

everything.

Suppliers, sellers,

your whole network.

[GASPS]

[HISSING]

[GRUNTING]

[CHUCKLES]

Your luck run out.

You're already

dead.

[GRUNTS]

[CONTINUES HISSING]

Only one person here

has the antidote.

[GROANING]

Emily, sweetheart.

[COUGHS]

[GRUNTS, GROANING]

Please, I'll-- I'll give you

whatever you want.

Please.

Anything you want.

Anything I want?

[GASPS]

[SNORES]

[SUCTION CUPS POP,

FLESH SQUELCHES]

[♪♪♪]

FEMALE VOICE [ON PA]:

The express train

to London has arrived.

With continuing service

to Paris, Stockholm,

Milan, Rome, Madrid.

Caught him

in the locker room.

I knew that kid

was neuralyzing himself.

I told him, "Do that too much,

and you'll go blind."

[LAUGHS]

Right?

ALIEN 1:

Who could go for a nosh?

ALIEN 2:

I'd like a nice

pastrami sandwich.

With lots of melted cheese.

[SIGHS]

[ALIEN GRUNTS]

[WHIMPERING]

[♪♪♪]

[METAL RATTLES]

[ENGINE THUNDERS]

[GASPS]

WOMAN [OVER PA]:

Now arriving,

express train from New York.

Last call for Flight 2112

to the Cat's Eye Nebula.

[COUGHING, CONVERSING

INDISTINCTLY]

[RATTLES]

[MURMURS

INDISTINCTLY]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

FEMALE VOICE:

Welcome, Agent M.

Please report

to New Agent Orientation.

[ELECTRONIC DISPLAY

CHIMES]

[CHIMES]

FEMALE VOICE:

Access granted, Agent M.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER,

VOCALIZING]

WOMAN [OVER PA]:

...every hour from Gate 12.

ALIEN:

Excuse me, ma'am.

It's never

who you think it is.

Oh, no.

That one makes sense.

So you're the one

who found us.

Yes, I am.

I'm T. High T.

Oh, yeah.

You're--

I run this

little circus.

Yeah.

Welcome, M.

It's nice

to meet you, sir.

O told me to expect

some great things.

And great things

shall you get.

Good.

Right through there.

[CHITTERING]

Hi, you.

MAN:

Wait, wait, wait!

Don't touch him!

Oh, God.

[GROANING]

[BALLS SQUEAKING]

AGENT 1: I got him, I got him.

AGENT 2: You guys...

AGENT 3:

I got him. I got him.

[♪♪♪]

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

[HUMMING ALONG TO MUSIC]

[MUSIC STOPS]

[PLAYING STATIC]

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

[FAN CREAKS]

MAN [IN FRENCH]:

[MOP CLANGS]

[IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[MUTTERING IN

FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[HINGE CLICKS, CREAKS]

[IN ENGLISH]

Change it, change it.

[ELECTRICITY BUZZES]

[♪♪♪]

[ELECTRICITY BUZZES SHARPLY]

All right, buddy.

All right. Drink this.

[CIRCUIT BUZZES]

[ALIENS SCREECH INDISTINCTLY]

[GASPING]

[♪♪♪]

[THUDS]

[ELECTRICITY BUZZING,

CRACKLING]

Oh, careful.

You break it, you buy it.

Keep it. Keep it.

On me.

We need to see

the queen.

Yes.

[ALIENS CHATTERING

INDISTINCTLY]

[ALIEN WOLF-WHISTLES]

Uh-oh.

You have

visitors.

[♪♪♪]

State your business

with the queen.

We need someone

to die.

As clearly stated in Section 6C

of the Treaty of Andromeda II,

we do not kill Jababians

nor participate

in the murder thereof.

This is nonnegotiable.

Well, it's slightly

negotiable.

[TIRES SCREECH]

[ENGINE HUMMING]

[♪♪♪]

♪ Any sign, every word

Comin' out of your mouth ♪

♪ You ain't got

A little information ♪

[TIRES SCREECH]

Oy!

Morning.

I'm in the market

for a useless, old,

broken-down machine.

What do you got?

You're not gonna

get a rise out of me, H.

It's the Imperial

with the red tab.

Do try to keep up.

[DINGS]

Thank you, Charlie.

That's the old

portal depot.

Site of the First

Great Alien Migration.

AGENT M:

Wait, so Eiffel

was an MIB agent?

One of

the first.

He helped so many

intergalactic refugees

seeking protection

here on Earth.

If you look closely,

you can see my grandma

and my grandpa

in that picture.

So beautiful.

WOMAN: Here you are, dear.

Thank you.

[♪♪♪]

[IN SLOW MOTION]

What's up

with that guy?

[IN SLOW MOTION]

Nerlene!

NERLENE [AT NORMAL SPEED]:

Sorry.

He's just

so yummy.

Who is he?

H.

Only the best agent

in the building.

He saved the world once

with nothing but his wits

and a Series-7

De-Atomizer.

He saved

the world?

From what?

The Hive.

The Hive.

Hey, Guy,

do me a favor.

Handle my calls.

Oh, love to.

Where are you

going?

To do some homework.

AGENT HIGH T:

An awful, terrible incident

in Marrakesh.

The North Africa office

is investigating.

And in

other business,

H has decided to grace us

with his presence after all.

Apologies, sir. I was working

late. Morning, everyone.

So was I. Cleaning

your mess. Thank you.

You should've seen the mess

I was cleaning up this morning.

AGENT C:

It was a totally

unsanctioned op, sir,

requiring two containment units

and a full neuralyzer squad.

I prefer to look at this

from a macro point of view,

not get bogged

in the details.

The bad guy's dead,

so, you know.

Take a seat, please.

One last item.

A member of the

Jababian royal family

has a layover on his way

to Centaurus A.

Vungus the Ugly.

[MOUTHING WORDS]

Inherited the title.

Believe it or not,

Vungus here

is the looker

in the crowd.

Holograms always add

10 pounds.

AGENT HIGH T:

Jababian society doesn't allow

for certain

indiscretions.

In short, he wants

to be shown a good time.

We could say no,

but Jababian mining vessels

would grind us

into galactic dust.

Some irony there, sir, if you

think that we used to, uh,

protect Earth

from the scum of the universe.

Now it seems

we're protecting scum.

Actually, that's why it would

be right up your street.

Your cup of tea, H.

[CHUCKLES]

I know Vungus.

He doesn't really drink tea.

He prefers vodka,

tequila,

hand sanitizer,

sometimes all at once.

Once, we woke up

handcuffed to a horse--

What, H?

Pipe down.

Sorry.

Sincere apologies.

You will be

his chaperone.

In fact, he specifically

asked for you.

Okay. Absolutely,

hopefully we don't end up

handcuffed to

a horse again, heh.

AGENT HIGH T:

Please.

I'll have him home

by midnight.

Good boy.

If you will.

"Good boy.

If you will."

"Good man,"

I think he said.

Keep Daddy

happy, yeah?

We're like this.

You look

after Papi so well.

You're so jealous,

aren't you?

Papi's

little fancy boy.

You wish

you had a papi.

AGENT:

...They came in

on transportation...

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[SNORING]

Uh, ahem.

Hello.

[THUDS]

[GASPS]

Whoo! Oops.

Sorry.

Ahem. Hi.

Hey. Nope, I'm awake.

It's all right.

Just catching up

on my daily meditation.

I have been meaning

to try that.

I read that it

dramatically improves

mitochondrial energy

production.

Yep, yep.

No, it absolutely does.

My mitochondrial energy's

through the roof.

Um... Have we

met before?

No. Agent M.

I heard you were

on the Vungus meet,

and I wanted

to offer assistance.

I'm a bit of

a Jababian wonk.

Language, culture,

politics, fashion.

Anyways, I compiled

a dossier for you to read.

Oh, a dossier. I love

a good dossier.

The thing is--

Ask around.

I work alone.

Ask anyone around here.

Did you know that Jababians

are claircognizant empaths,

which means

they can read your mind?

And your cards.

Well, they do have

a tell.

What's that?

Subdermal spots on

the underside of their arms

change color.

Mm,

good to know.

Thank you for your offer.

I'm good.

Okay. Message

understood.

I will leave you

to your...

meditation.

Thank you.

Oh.

Do you know

what your tell is?

You snore

when you meditate.

Actually, on second thought,

maybe I could use some backup.

[♪♪♪]

[CHATTERING

INDISTINCTLY]

[ENGINE REVS]

I was thinking, for the op,

I can take the perimeter,

and you make the approach

to Vungus.

Yes, good.

Okay.

The thing is, with

this particular club.

everybody just wants

to do their own thing.

Aliens wanna look like humans,

humans wanna look like aliens,

so we may need

to loosen up a bit.

Maybe we lose

the tie first, yeah?

Pop a couple of buttons

and not look so stiff.

We don't want to advertise

our profession,

if you know

what I mean.

[IN SILLY VOICE]

"Men in Black.

Aliens, get down!"

I get it.

[NORMAL VOICE] Don't do that.

Yeah? Good. Great. Perfect.

How about me? How do I look?

I would just, uh.

Do you mind if I...?

What?

Coming in.

It's a fine line

between club casual

and the saddest man

on Earth.

Thank you.

Mm-hm.

Yeah.

Shall we?

I thought

that we were here.

We are.

Entrance

for special guests.

[ENGINE TURNS OVER]

Step on it,

would you, Freddie?

You got it, H.

[ENGINE REVS]

[GASPS]

[GASPS]

Hm.

[GASPS]

Yeah, okay.

Wasn't expecting that.

[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

[PEOPLE CONVERSING INDISTINCTLY]

The Vungus among us!

H-Bomb!

V-Go! V-Go!

Yeah, yeah!

Yeah!

Woo!

Look at you.

You've lost weight.

What have you done

to your hair?

You changed it.

Looks fantastic.

Oh, I...

AGENT H: I barely recognize you.

Sorry. M, this

is Vungus. Vungus, M.

Hello, M.

Muah.

So nice

to meet you.

I've heard

a lot about you.

Highly redacted,

of course.

[GRUNTS, THEN SPEAKS

IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

[CONTINUES SPEAKING

IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

AGENT H:

Such a charmer. He says...

he thinks

you're hot.

He thinks I'm what?

Sorry?

AGENT H:

It's a rough translation.

Probably works better

on Ja-- Jababia,

but you know that,

since you speak fluent Jababian.

Oh.

Of course. I was just trying

to find the words to articulate

how incredibly eye-catching

you yourself are.

AGENT H:

Well, that he is.

M knows everything

about Jababia.

I wouldn't say "everything."

Always more to learn.

It's like

a fetish.

Hah, okay, that implies

something sexual.

It's definitely not.

It is.

It's always,

"Oh, Jababia this,

Jababia that, Jababia,

Jababia, Jababia!"

Yeah, baby!

[IMITATES WHIP]

AGENT H:

I knew you would hit it off.

Have a dance, okay?

M loves to dance.

She's a wonderful dancer.

I'll get drinks.

You're still

a vodka cranberry guy?

You know it.

Okay. Okay.

M, please.

Come, sit next

to Vungus.

I promise, I don't bite.

Okay, just give me

one sec.

Four

vodka cranberries.

It's all right.

I'll get this one.

Put it on

the company card.

Little tip,

expense everything.

Hey, quick question,

no big deal.

Are you pimping me out

to Vungus?

What? No.

What the hell would give you

that...impression?

[GRUNTS]

Hello. Ha-ha-ha!

Oh, I don't know. That?

Oh, ahem.

Better not look at that.

Hey, if you wanna use me

as alien bait,

just let me know next time.

I don't like to be lied to.

What, like pretending

to be an expert

in something you're not?

We're in

the lying business.

Are we?

Jababians are prickly.

We want them to be happy.

So they don't destroy our planet

and everything.

That is the mission.

If you're not

down with--

I'm down

with the mission,

but I'm not fornicating

with the Jababian.

That's not what

I asked you to do.

[CHUCKLES]

[DIDDY'S "DIDDY ROCK"

PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

♪ Where nobody can reach us ♪

♪ There's no need

To take your phone ♪

So how long

you here for, buddy?

Vungus go home tomorrow.

AGENT H:

Tomorrow?

We better make it

a good one, huh?

I came to talk, H.

We need to speak.

Talky, shmalky.

I want to see you dance.

Come on. Come on, I know,

I know this is your jam.

Get out here. M, come on.

Oh, no, I'm just gonna...

I like to butt-dance.

♪ Dimes wall to wall

in the VIP ♪

♪ The age don't mean a thing

I ain't Chi Ali ♪

♪ I bring them out

With no ID ♪

♪ Them boys they bring

Them out like I'm T.I.P. ♪

♪ Come here, girl ♪

♪ Let me creep in your world ♪

♪ Let me take you

Indonesia ♪

Hey, I need to talk

to you about something.

If it's about

that night in Beirut,

I deleted the photos.

Promise.

No, not Beirut.

Just...

♪ Let me creep in your world ♪

[CHEERING]

♪ I don't give a f---

What it cost ♪

♪ I floss big whips

I floss big chains ♪

♪ I talk big-ish

'Cause I'm got big thangs ♪

H?

Yeah?

Twelve o'clock.

You're damn right

it is. Night is young.

Whoo-hoo!

Listen to me, H.

This is serious.

You're the only one

that Vungus can trust.

Well, feeling's mutual.

♪ I see 'em looking at me

Like what's up ♪

♪ Let me creep in your world ♪

What happened to you?

Nothing.

What happened to you?

Why are you so

serious?

Relax. Ow! Yeah.

H.

♪ Let me take you

To Indonesia ♪

♪ Where nobody can reach us ♪

[LIGHT RATTLING, HISSING]

[GASPS]

[GROANING]

You all right, buddy?

What's wrong?

You don't look so good.

You okay?

Vungus not feel so good.

AGENT H:

Vodka cranberry

sure pack a punch.

Let's get his car

and get him out of here.

Yeah. Yup.

All right.

AGENT H:

Okay. Get you

off to bed.

Let's get you in here.

All right.

There you are, buddy.

In you go.

Watch your head. Okay.

All right.

Now, sleep it off,

okay?

I'll speak to you in

the morning. Hydrate.

[GROANS]

Whoo!

Shouldn't we call it in?

Oh, God, no.

The paperwork

is a nightmare.

But Vungus

didn't look too good.

He didn't look

too good before, but.

Trust me,

I've seen him way worse.

This one time

in Istanbul--

[GASPS]

[CAR ALARMS BLARING]

[♪♪♪]

VUNGUS [COUGHS]:

Help me.

[♪♪♪]

MIB. Freeze!

On the ground.

Hands up.

Palms down.

Palms down.

Hands up.

Which do you want to go with?

I'm fine with either.

We've to come up with something

consistent. You want palms down?

If you don't mind.

Palms down.

Palms down.

AGENT H:

Good.

What the...?

That is not good.

AGENT H:

Run!

[BOTH GRUNT]

[COUGHING]

M!

They are coming!

Petrol cap. Go.

[EXHALES]

[WEAPON POWERS UP]

AGENT H:

We need more firepower.

Side-view mirror.

What do you want me to do,

throw it at them?

Oh, wow.

I haven't seen that before.

I don't think

this is doing anything.

Come on.

Exhaust pipe. Go!

Come on!

Now this is

more like it.

Right.

[GRUNTS]

Hurry!

Go to Vungus.

I'll cover you.

[GROANS]

H! A little help here!

No. Not H.

He has changed.

I could feel it.

I have to know...

[COUGHING]

...if I can trust you.

[GRUNTS]

Now I'm pissed off.

Hide this.

Something is wrong

in Men in Black.

What? Vungus, what is this?

It's the only thing

that can protect you.

[SIGHS]

[♪♪♪]

Come on!

Where's your fancy

dance moves now?

[TIRES SQUEAL]

[AGENTS YELLING

INDISTINCTLY]

[♪♪♪]

What the...?

AGENT 1:

Keep your eyes on.

It's not safe.

AGENT 2:

Eyes on! Eyes on!

AGENT 3:

Two targets!

How is he?

He's gone.

AGENT 4:

Guys, back up a little bit,

all right?

[♪♪♪]

AGENT C:

Oy! Outdone yourself

here, mate.

Well done. Well done.

AGENT H: Thank you.

Fill me in.

What happened, huh?

We were attacked,

clearly, C.

Right.

By I don't know what.

The suspects, they did this

with their bare hands.

They turned solid

into liquid,

then back again.

What?

Why's she here?

She...

She is

AGENT H: She is

BOTH:

walking you

through the crime scene.

No, no. She is

a probationary agent,

so she is not here

at all, okay?

I think you'll find

that she clearly is here

because I can see her.

Backing you up.

Thank you.

A figure of speech,

but fine.

You are in

so much trouble,

oh, my God. You had one job.

You had one very simple job:

to take some lizard slimeball

out for a few drinks.

That was it.

Not a "lizard slimeball."

A friend of mine.

Oh, no.

Yeah. Sorry about that.

Mm.

He was

a reptilian slimeball,

now dead because of you.

Who was with him when he died?

I was.

Who--?

Okay, good.

And did he say anything

that might explain why

he was killed?

Anything at all?

Come on.

[♪♪♪]

No. Not a thing.

So just to recap...

No point.

A high-ranking member

of the Jababian royal family

dies on your watch,

murdered by assailants

that you can't identify,

for reasons that you

cannot begin to fathom.

Is that about right?

I switched off

the moment you started

talking. I don't know.

Why don't you bugger off.

AGENT C:

Okay, mate. Thank you.

Yeah.

I'll piss off,

to the office.

Where you belong.

To have a word

with High T,

who will not save you

this time.

We'll be fine. Okay?

Don't worry.

This is... We'll be fine.

Yeah?

Yes. Yes. Understood.

Yeah-- Indeed.

Yes.

Yes. Yes.

Thank you.

Let me assure you,

we will deal with this

in the strongest

possible terms.

The Jababians

want your heads.

Quite literally. Both heads,

sent by diplomatic pouch.

Okay, um, ahem...

AGENT C:

Morning, sir.

I have the forensics report

that you asked for.

AGENT HIGH T:

Thank you.

Well, this is troubling.

Very troubling.

Mm-hm.

These are our suspects.

A species called Dyadnum.

From a binary star system

in the constellation Draco.

Draco, that's

Hive territory.

The entire sector

fell years ago.

AGENT HIGH T:

The Dyads' DNA...

are riddled with Hive mutations.

AGENT H: Mm-hm.

AGENT HIGH T:

As we all know, the Hive doesn't

just destroy their enemies,

they subsume them.

Take them over from within.

Whoever these two were,

they're part of the Hive now.

Yes, but why would the Hive

send them all this way

to kill a Jababian royal?

You knew Vungus

better than anyone.

Did he indicate

why he was here?

Did he want something

from us?

No, he seemed

pretty normal, happy.

Sir. This whole thing

is a fiasco. It's a farrago.

And a failure

of this magnitude

requires

immediate invokement of...

Article 13.

Don't be a dick.

Who says "farrago"?

Uh, what is Article 13?

Immediate termination,

followed by neuralyzation.

Wait a second.

AGENT HIGH T: Wait.

No.

Is that your answer

to everything?

AGENT H: Put that away!

Glasses off.

Sir, you can't.

Give me one good reason

why not.

Um, because it's...

what we were talking about.

Um...

Because...

Because...

if you erase us,

you will never know the truth.

The truth.

AGENT C: They're stalling.

Say the word. I'll do it.

Put it away.

M, go ahead.

Explain yourself.

Well, sir...

if you think about it,

really think about it...

Vungus...

how many people really knew

that he was here?

The people in this room.

And perhaps a dozen

high-level agents.

If those were the only people

that knew where Vungus would be,

and we assume

that Vungus didn't leak

his own location

to the killers,

doesn't that mean

that it was someone...

inside MIB?

A mole, sir,

inside these very walls.

Sir, they're making this up

as they go along.

"A mole"? In the history

of the company,

there's never been a leak.

Something a mole would say.

Don't be absurd.

Classic mole talk.

Sounds like Mole 101.

Enough.

If we've been compromised,

it puts every citizen

on this planet,

both human and alien,

at risk.

C. Track down these killers.

Sir.

Find the killers,

we find the mole.

Will do, sir.

Dismissed.

M, it appears

you're as sharp as advertised.

Work the case with C.

Get Weapons Department

started on something

that can neutralize

these Dyads.

Yes, sir.

Sharp indeed she is, sir.

I assume you'll want me

overseeing the case? Sort of--

I'm finished covering

for you, H.

You need me on this case, sir.

I've dealt with the Hive before.

With nothing but my wits

and my Series 7--

No. He dealt

with the Hive before.

And I don't know

where the hell he has gone!

I actually used to think

you could lead this place.

I was wrong about you.

We're done here.

That's an order.

Look, you weren't wrong

about me, sir.

You saw something in me once.

It's still there.

And I apologize

for letting you down.

Give me another chance and

I'll fix this. I promise you.

AGENT M:

I don't think

it's just a blade.

Looks like it carries

some poison.

I know what

you're talking about. Wait.

Sorry, mate.

High T wants me

to run point on this one.

What? I don't believe you.

AGENT H:

I don't like it

any better than you,

but he kept going on

about relying on me,

needing our top agent,

that sort of thing.

I don't make the rules.

Take it up with him.

M, he's keen for you

to shadow me.

"Learn from the best,"

he said.

Little on-the-job training,

if you will.

Hmm? Yeah?

Come on.

Are you going or you staying?

Yeah, I'll go.

Well...

AGENT M: Okay.

AGENT H: Come on.

AGENT M: H?

[♪♪♪]

Thanks

for that.

I'm sick of you.

Okay.

What's the actual truth?

You tell me.

For someone who hates lying,

that was incredible.

I wasn't--

It was electric up there.

The way we played off

each other, back and forth.

I was riffing.

A mole inside the MIB.

It's genius.

I wish I thought of it.

I discovered

a possible truth.

I mean, think about it.

It would explain a lot.

What have you got

so far?

I was about to run

a molecular deconstruction

on the substance and

cross-reference with all toxins.

Good idea.

Just a little science.

I wouldn't do that.

[COUGHING]

Whoo!

I know what that is.

That killed

a 300-pound Jababian,

so I wouldn't get

recreational with it.

Zephos, pure grade. The wrong

amount will kill you instantly.

Right amount will

keep you dancing shirtless

on a nightclub in Monaco

for 17 hours.

So much information.

Always so much information.

It's what I've heard. There's

only one place in the world

where they know how to mix it.

Let's go.

You coming?

World's not gonna save itself.

Are you saying that you need me

to save the world?

Uh-huh.

Thought so.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[MAN YELLING

IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Oh, wow.

You'll see that a lot

around here.

It's a

Cromulian tag.

In their galaxy, a symbol

for hope or annihilation.

There's still some debate

around what exactly.

Actually,

it's harmony.

But on Earth, it means we're

entering an MIB safe haven.

AGENT H: How do you know?

AGENT M: It's in the handbook.

AGENT H:

Don't believe

everything you read.

MAN 1: That is my job.

MAN 2: And my job is what?

Hang out here and shut up?

MAN 1:

Shut up. That's your job.

AGENT H:

Well, look who it is. Nasr.

You know the rules:

no visible alien tech

anywhere on the street.

Cover the bike up

before I have to give you

a ticket.

H? It is really you?

Of course it's me.

Who else could it be?

Hey, Bassam.

Hi, H.

Nasr said you were dead.

NASR:

What? I-- I never said that.

You did. He's lying.

Aah! Hey! Get--

That's--

And why would I be dead?

[BOTH GRUNT]

Bassam misunderstood.

We heard that you and Riza

had split up.

Oh, Riza. Who's that?

It's not important.

Mm. Human or...?

Doesn't matter.

I'm just curious

how it works

between species, so...

Very unimportant.

Old friend of mine, so...

Who runs the biggest criminal

syndicate in the galaxy.

Who is a very successful

businesswoman.

I love a businesswoman.

Why are we talking about this?

Sad. You made a lovely couple.

Thank you.

These things happen.

You said, "That psycho's

gonna slit his throat."

Oh, hmm.

Excuse us for one moment.

BASSAM:

Your words, not mine.

Don't you--

You dated this person? Seems

like a conflict of interest.

Conflict of interest for you

to know my private life.

Yeah, sure.

I'd prefer not to.

Hey, hey,

that's enough. Listen.

Stop beating

the hell out of him.

BASSAM: Yeah.

Keep this thing covered up.

Absolutely. Will do.

Thank you.

Won't happen again.

AGENT M:

Nice to meet you both.

Yes.

Yeah.

[CLEARS THROAT]

What?

Pulled this

from the surveillance

camera outside the club.

Standing there,

making me feel uncomfortable.

Sorry

about that.

Have you shown this to T?

You said everything goes

through you.

Yes, everything does go

through me. Good.

I'll show him. Go on.

[♪♪♪]

Goodness me.

Oh, boy.

NASR:

Here comes trouble.

BASSAM:

I like trouble.

You thinking

what I'm thinking?

Call Riza.

AGENT H:

Ah, here. This is it.

Looks like

a couple days' worth.

No one's been out

to collect.

Hello?

[WEAPON POWERING UP]

[♪♪♪]

[CLEARS THROAT]

One more step and I'll liquefy

your bangs, pretty boy.

Easy, easy.

Okay.

We don't want any trouble.

Do not move.

[GRUNTS]

Hey, look at you.

What do we call you, sport?

"Sport" is not

what you call me.

What is it?

"It"? He.

Sorry.

Why would you call me

anything?

Pawns don't have names.

We're pawns.

Uh, okay.

"Pawny," then.

What happened here?

Oh, we had the best party.

Kanye showed up

and dropped a whole new album.

It was some of his best work.

Look around!

We got our asses kicked!

[QUEEN GASPS]

Aah! My queen!

[♪♪♪]

Oh, she's gone.

I'll never serve another.

I swear it.

I'll plunge my dagger

into my own body, like this,

through my vital organs,

and then leave it

until the dark takes me.

Hey, you're not gonna actually

go through with this, are you?

Listen. A queen's pawn

without a queen is just a pawn.

A nothing.

I must end my own life

in the most painful way

possible.

Don't stop me.

Chance of survival: zero.

Think we should stop him?

PAWNY: Gonna do it.

Kinda wanna see

if he goes through with it.

Sorry, what did you say?

Hmm? Nothing at all.

Know what?

I did say something.

AGENT H: You did?

Yeah. He's a witness.

Excuse me.

You know, I don't think

that she would want you to,

you know, go through with it,

honestly.

Who are you to know what

a queen would or wouldn't want?

Are you a queen?

Well, to the extent

that all women are, yes,

but, no, no,

I'm not a queen.

You know what she is,

though, is an agent.

"Agent"?

AGENT H: Mm-hm.

Is that a title?

It is a title.

A title of great eminence

and stature.

M here is an agent.

An agent without a pawn,

if you see my meaning.

I never thought of this,

but maybe the best way

to honor the dead

is to go on living.

Yes.

I pledge loyalty eternal to you,

Agent M.

No, no, no. I'm not

interested in a subject.

Too late. It's done.

I already pledged the loyalty.

Wish you'd said

"no, no, no" before.

Congratulations.

And if you should die

before I,

I promise

to end my own life...

"In the most painful way

possible."

Yeah. Ha. I don't like you.

AGENT H:

Let's go.

PAWNY:

My lady?

Come on.

We'll have a fun time.

Fine.

Yes!

H, there's something

I've been meaning to tell you.

I've been wanting to tell you...

Yeah?

...about it. Where is it?

You mean this?

You stole it from me?

Stole it from you?

I recovered evidence

you stole from a crime scene.

Vungus told me to hide it and

I couldn't trust anyone.

You're telling me

you listened to Vungus,

you trusted Vungus instead of

your partner, a senior agent?

Huh?

In a word, yes.

H, speaking of agents...

Come on.

Why would they be here?

AGENT H:

There's either an award show

we're not aware of

or we're in deep shit.

AGENT C:

Thank you. I need you

to close every street,

archway and sewer now.

Come in closer

on that body cam there.

A bit more.

AGENT HIGH T: Could someone

please explain to me

what the hell is going on?

Sir, slightly

sensitive subject.

Thought it best

to keep it quiet.

A bit further in, please.

C, a word.

Absolutely. No one leaves

the medina, all right?

This--

This is nonsense.

Despite

your personal feelings,

H is one of the best agents

ever to wear this suit.

No, he was one of the best

agents to wear this suit.

He hasn't been the same

since the Hive. Look. Look.

My sources say

that Vungus stole it

from the Jababian War Department

Advanced Research Division

and brought it here.

And you kept this from me?

For how long?

Explain yourself.

Oh, explain myself?

Sir, whatever that thing is,

M and H had it in your office,

and you let them go, sir.

With all due respect,

you let them go.

Carry on.

Yes, sir.

And, C.

Sir?

Bring them

straight to me.

[♪♪♪]

Whatever that thing is,

Vungus died to protect it.

He gave it to me

so it wouldn't go to them.

[PHONE RINGS]

Yes, sir.

H, listen to me.

This isn't my operation.

Get out of there.

Get safe. Then report.

M may be right.

You, I want sitreps

every 10 minutes.

AGENT HIGH T:

There could be a mole

in the Men in Black.

[♪♪♪]

All right. Take this.

I'll draw them away.

I'll meet you

at the main square in 20.

Go.

[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

Hey, guys,

what are the odds?

[CHUCKLES]

[CROWD YELLING INDISTINCTLY]

[♪♪♪]

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]

Nasr!

I need to borrow your bike.

As long as it is

to borrow, not steal.

Yes. Of course. Quick.

Come on.

Bassam!

Ooh!

Okay, accelerator, brake.

Water.

Very hot out there.

That's very thoughtful of you.

This is pretty

straightforward?

Yes. Very

straightforward, indeed.

Just like riding a bike.

Okay, cool.

[MEN YELLING INDISTINCTLY]

[WOMAN YELLS INDISTINCTLY]

Sorry.

[GRUNTS]

Well, this is nothing

like riding a bike at all.

[♪♪♪]

[WHIRRING]

Quick, jump on!

Hold on tight.

Oh, shit!

Hold on, Pawny!

[PAWNY SCREAMING]

Hold on!

Wait for me!

Thanks!

Ha! I can't believe

that actually worked.

Hey, H?

Yeah?

Oh, right. Glasses.

Hi, everyone. If you could all

look right here.

Just drive.

Move! Go!

[TIRES SCREECH]

Oh, boy.

What do you think? Red button?

I think it's hyperdrive.

No, I think

hyperdrive is blue.

Sometimes you have to

trust your gut.

My gut, not yours!

PAWNY:

Somebody press something!

[♪♪♪]

[PAWNY SCREAMING]

[PAWNY GRUNTS]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[LAUGHS]

Whoo-hoo!

Lost the tail.

What'd I tell you, huh?

Hyperdrive.

Yeah, yeah. Okay.

Trust your gut. Trust your gut.

Oh, God, I hate sand.

[PAWNY LAUGHS]

The red button was awesome!

[AGENT H CHUCKLES]

Let's press the red button

again.

[SHUSHES]

[AGENTS EXHALE]

[GRUNTS]

[CHITTERING]

Wow.

Hey, what's it doing?

Moving.

[♪♪♪]

AGENT H:

Oh.

What--?

What is that thing?

AGENT M:

See the core? How it keeps

emitting convective energy

across the interior of

the photosphere?

Yeah, yeah.

No, I see all of it.

I see the--

The photosphere bit.

Okay, yeah. Shh.

Those are thermonuclear

explosions.

Wait, what? What does that mean?

Like a bomb or something?

I think what we're looking at

is a super compressed star.

And by the color

temperature,

I'd say it's a blue giant.

Let's press the button.

Let's see what this does.

Are you suggesting we try

a weaponized star for fun?

Mm-hm. Well,

for science and fun.

The two aren't

mutually exclusive. Okay.

I know.

Yeah, there is

no better place.

They don't call it

the Empty Quarter for nothing.

That's why I made

the suggestion. Go.

Uh, at just .001?

What do you think?

AGENT H:

Yeah. Just start off slow.

Press the button.

Okay.

[POWERING UP]

Mm. Maybe ratchet it up

a few notches,

a little higher--

AGENT H:

Whoa!

That was the low setting?

Uh, do we think anyone's gonna

notice that wasn't there before?

[♪♪♪]

Sir, they got away.

I believe

the appropriate phrase is...

you lost them.

Well,

I put it to you, sir...

...that they had help.

Probably.

But I know H. Whatever

he's doing, there's a reason.

Why do you

keep protecting him?

Huh? What is it

going to take?

I am protecting

this institution.

From what? From me?

Are you questioning

my loyalty, sir?

At the very least,

your judgment.

Is there anything else,

Agent C?

No, sir.

Good.

Then would you

kindly leave?

[♪♪♪]

Vungus knew how powerful

that thing was, right?

He knew it could destroy worlds,

and he gave it to you.

I don't understand.

Someone he only just met.

Why would he do that?

I don't know.

Hmm?

Maybe he trusted me.

[CHUCKLES]

I'm not gonna doubt

your general trustworthiness,

but, I mean, I sang

at Vungus' mother's funeral.

Quite beautifully,

I might add.

We knew everything

about one another.

I mean, hey, I'm pretty sure

he trusted me. Heh.

Okay, H,

if you must know...

he said that you'd changed.

I'm getting sick of hearing

this "you've changed" crap.

I'm the same person

I was years ago.

You've always been

this way?

What way?

Uh, vaguely inept.

Arrogant. Reckless.

Did I miss anything?

Heh. Okay, yeah. Hey, look.

Arrogant and reckless.

That's nice.

Maybe I am a few

of those things occasionally,

but my job is saving the planet,

and that's what I do.

I do a good job at it.

While that's still happening,

the rules are:

there are no rules.

Well, that's a rule.

Mm-hm.

Argh. Damn it.

All right, nobody move!

Drop it, hairball!

Nobody move.

Bassam. How'd you get here?

Feeling hydrated, H?

Never had a bath before.

Lost 2 pounds in dirt alone.

God, we drank from that.

Oh, God, I thought

it tasted like a living beard.

AGENT H:

Okay, um...

Bassam, listen,

all right, mate?

Uh, let's be sensible.

I don't think you know

what you're dealing with, so--

BASSAM:

Oh, no, I definitely do.

Which is why she's gonna pay

so much for it.

No, wait. Wait, wait!

No, no, no!

BASSAM:

Have a nice life, bozos!

AGENT M:

Great job, H.

Pawny, can you ask her

to pass me the torque wrench?

She has a name and a title,

and you know that.

My lady, the jackass wants

a torque wrench.

Pawny, will you tell him

the sooner he restores power

to my drive console,

the sooner I can figure out

how to program it?

My lady says

you're a cloth-brained ass-clown

whose gullible idiocy

has threatened the very

existence of the planet.

You know what, she didn't

say that. All right?

You little worst piece

on the chess board.

She said that.

Didn't say any of it.

Yeah, but I was thinking it.

Actually, every single word.

You make a really good point.

Thank you.

If you'll tell your lady

she now has power.

The jackass says, my lady,

that you have power.

Can you thank him?

PAWNY: Really?

But in a cold,

kind of polite way.

You can even put a glare

on it.

Just play around with it.

I trust you.

My lady says thank you.

[GROANS]

I know where the weapon's going

and how to get it back.

My lady?

I got this one. I'm listening.

Bassam has only one

real buyer:

Riza Stavros.

Riza? The Riza

that you went out with?

The intergalactic,

alien arms-dealer Riza?

I'm gonna hop back in

for a second.

You dated Riza Stavros,

the Merchant of Death?

The Mother of Murder?

She's pretty hot.

AGENT H: Okay, I didn't know

she was an arms dealer

when we met.

And I was distracted

by her feminine wiles

and her

intoxicating beauty.

And besides, we weren't

interested in labels.

We were interested

in our hearts.

If having a big, old heart

is a crime, then shoot me.

[WEAPON POWERS UP]

Not yet.

You'll let me know, though,

right?

But really?

Your "big, old heart"?

[LAUGHING]

What?

It's just...

Well, it--?

It's funny, is it? Hmm?

[BOTH LAUGH]

AGENT M: "My big, old heart."

So stupid. Who talks like that?

Ha-ha-ha. Big, old doofus.

You've never been in love,

have you?

I'm not making fun.

I'm genuinely asking.

You've never once

abandoned logic for passion?

What is this? The sequel to

The Notebook? I never saw it,

but I assume it's a lot

of this type of nonsense.

Heh. No, I haven't.

Passion is unstable,

and logic is constant.

Is that right?

Yeah. Physical attraction

is nothing more

than chemical reactions

in your brain.

Can't trust them.

They're not real.

Isn't the whole universe

a chemical reaction?

Pretty sure

you can trust that.

Feels pretty real.

That's actually

kind of deep.

Well, that should do it.

Power her up.

Thank you.

Pawny. Not there.

PAWNY:

That's as far

as I could jump.

I could jump higher, but it

would've been more awkward.

Okay, enough.

Here we go.

And look at that.

Well done.

Mm-hm.

I know Riza. She may be

the Merchant of Death,

but she does have

one weakness.

Ready to be a hero,

little guy?

Pretty open to anything.

Good, because

we're going to Naples.

Oh, to Riza's Fortified

Fortress of For Sure Death?

[GROANS]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Don't shoot. Don't shoot.

[BEEPING]

Oh. I'm so sorry.

Oh.

Can we do this another day?

I have another visitor.

Absolutely.

Yeah?

Thank you.

[MUTTERS]

Au revoir.

Bye.

Bye.

[MAN SCREAMS]

Luca.

Did you miss me?

No.

[GROANS]

[♪♪♪]

H.

I know why you're here.

[INHALES]

Why are you wearing

pink trousers?

[LUCA BLUSTERS]

AGENT H:

So how have you been?

It's been a while, huh? That's

the tough thing about breakups,

is the friendships

you lose. Heh. Ahh.

We had some good times,

though, didn't we?

[LUCA BLUSTERS]

Riza and I had

good times, I guess.

You just lurked

in the background a bit.

[AGENT H CHUCKLES]

[♪♪♪]

RIZA:

Wonderful, isn't she?

I just love

dumb,

beautiful creatures.

[CHUCKLES]

[EXHALES]

Well, this is familiar,

isn't it?

[GRUNTS]

So...

MIB finally

showed you the door, eh?

Showed myself out,

actually.

Oh.

Some horses are born

to roam free.

And others just get shot.

What are you doing here?

I wanted to see you.

And I brought you something.

I know

how you like special pets,

so I brought you

a peace offering.

Meow,

meow.

Bark, woof,

et cetera, et cetera.

Oh, I like it.

He is cute in an ugly

sort of way, isn't he?

The last

of his kind.

You always did know the way

to my heart, didn't you?

You always knew how to make mine

beat that little bit faster.

AGENT M:

Not a neuralyzer in the world

could make me forget that.

RIZA:

I was actually looking forward

to seeing my guns tear you

to pieces, then I saw

that perfect little face

of yours, and...

[SIGHS]

I had to know.

Know what?

I want to know the truth.

Mm-hm.

Was this ever real?

Hmm? This?

You, me? Was it?

[CHUCKLES]

This'll be good.

Was it?

I knew who you were

from the start.

My job

was to gain your trust

and take you down

when the opportunity came.

That's the truth.

AGENT M:

Gotta turn my earpiece off

for this.

God, shut up.

What?

No, I'm sorry.

It's what I say

to my heart...

when it's like a voice

inside my head.

Oh, I know.

I couldn't fake that.

Thank you.

It's okay.

No, but thank you for--

For giving me closure.

We all need some--

Some closure from time to time.

RIZA: Get him out of here.

What--? Wait, no. Hey.

Wait.

I need some closure too.

What about my feelings?

RIZA: H, here's a tip for you.

Next time you bring

a peace offering,

don't make it the same day

I come into possession

of the most powerful weapon

ever created.

This has nothing to do

with that.

I didn't know

you had a weapon.

It's a separate thing.

A coincidence.

Total coincidence. Didn't know

she had a weapon. Did you?

[LUCA GRUMBLING]

Take him

to the boat.

All right.

Okay, okay, okay.

Fellas,

I think that went pretty well.

Looks like we'll be seeing

a lot more of each other.

[GRUNTING]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

Okay.

Okay, okay, okay. Shh...

RIZA:

Sebastian, darling.

How would you like

to be able to destroy

entire solar systems

without leaving your home?

AGENT M: Pawny?

Yeah, I see it.

Uh...

Oh, would you look at that.

Good to go, M.

AGENT M:

Okay, Pawny,

it's all on you now.

Okay, that kind of pressure

is not constructive.

It's very simple, darling.

Do you want it or not?

No, I only have one,

Sebastian,

and I won't have that

for long.

No, I'm gonna give you

five seconds.

Perfectly done.

Whoop.

I'm going to call you back.

Crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap.

Look at your little legs.

You are so fast.

Why, look at you run.

[♪♪♪]

You're so fast!

Wait, I'm coming.

I'm coming.

Now, you don't run away again.

Oh, hello.

Oh, and here I thought...

H worked alone.

Silly me.

Poor you.

It's been a steep

learning curve, yeah.

[POWERS UP]

Oh, that? That's a snub-nosed

Karzig annihilator.

Do you know what that does

to a human body?

It boils you

from the inside out.

Cute.

Do you know what

a Pawny does

to sadistic

alien arms-dealers?

No, honey.

Tell me what a Pawny is.

I'm a Pawny,

you psycho!

[GRUNTS]

[♪♪♪]

[GRUNTING]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[GRUNTS]

[BOTH GRUNTING]

[GRUNTS]

Looks like

the tables have turned.

That was an incredible catch.

[GROWLS]

[GRUNTS]

[PANTING]

That felt good.

Don't worry. Don't worry.

It's all part of the plan.

Well, H, you always have been

rather delusional.

[GRUNTING]

Peace offering.

Kill them.

Start with him

and make it hurt.

No! You don't have

to do this.

[CHOKING]

Put me down,

you Tarantian thug.

Wait.

Did you say "Tarantian"?

Yes.

PAWNY: Yes, my lady, he did.

They tend to be single-minded

when it comes to killing.

Brains the size

of a pistachio nut.

Okay, shh.

You're not helping.

The creature you saw was

an unlicensed Tarantian

from Andromeda II.

Tarantian?

[PURRS]

I know a Tarantian.

I met one once.

I helped him.

[CHOKING]

Kabla nakshulin.

[♪♪♪]

What?

Kabla nakshulin?

What she said.

How do you know that?

Because he said it to me.

[GRUNTS]

[EXHALES HEAVILY]

Molly?

Yes.

Molly? Are you shitting me?

Really?

[LAUGHS]

Who's delusional now?

It's you?

[GASPING]

You've grown.

I mean, me too.

Give her the box.

Luca,

you can't do this.

Haven't I been good to you?

I've let you kill anyone

you wanted.

Come on.

[POWERS UP]

No?

[SIGHS]

[WHEEZES]

The box.

[♪♪♪]

Thank you.

You changed my life,

by the way. Heh, heh.

Hey, uh, quickly.

Kabla nakshulin,

what does it mean?

It means:

"One day,

I'll kill whoever you choose

in the most gruesome way

imaginable."

Or maybe we just

keep her here for a moment

until he and I can discuss

a plan of action.

[SOFTLY]

H? H, are you okay?

[WHEEZES]

I'm good.

That was--

That was a rush.

Yeah,

and incredibly painful.

Yeah.

PAWNY: Pretty sure the plan

went wrong in

every conceivable way.

Yeah, well...

So, uh,

it's Molly, huh?

You're not supposed

to know that.

Well, too late.

I know it now.

Guess it's only fair

that you know mine.

I don't wanna know.

I'll tell you.

Okay.

You ready?

Horatio.

[LAUGHING] It is not.

It's not.

It's Henry.

Yeah, you look like

a Henry.

Good. It's all I've got.

I'm Steve.

Steve? I thought you said

pawns didn't have names.

We don't.

I was just feeling left out.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, Steve.

[CHUCKLES]

[RUMBLING]

Whoa...

[GASPS]

Wha--?

That is not cool.

AGENT M:

I don't like what

the earth is doing now.

AGENT H:

No, no, no.

[♪♪♪]

[GROWLING]

Kabla nakshulin!

It was worth a try.

BOTH:

We must have the weapon,

for the Hive.

No. I don't know if

you've heard,

but we are

the Men in Black.

The Men and Women

in Black.

Nice save.

If you think

we'll hand this over,

you've got

another think coming.

You don't know who

you're dealing with.

See, we protect the Earth.

Everyone and everything on it.

So you wanna do this?

You wanna get down?

Fine. Let's go.

[WEAPON POWERING UP]

Move, and I'll obliterate

this entire island

and everything on it.

Including us. You don't think

we should've spoken about this?

I just gave a whole speech.

Yeah, I liked the speech.

I just thought

this would be more effective.

You heard me.

Don't make me use it.

We'll do anything

to protect our world.

So will we.

[WEAPONS FIRING]

Nothing in this universe

is unkillable.

With the proper voltage.

Are you both

all right?

Yes, sir.

Never better.

Sir, how did you find us?

Experience.

Riza again, H?

When are you

going to learn?

[SIGHS]

I knew

I could count on you.

That, in the end,

you'd pull through.

Thank you, sir.

You too, M.

Agent O had a feeling

about you, and she was right.

[♪♪♪]

The universe has a way

of leading you

to where

you're supposed to be...

At the moment

you're supposed to be there.

Let's go home.

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

Let's keep this safe,

shall we?

Saunder,

inform the Jababian embassy,

we have the weapon.

Quite the first assignment

for a probationary agent, M.

Marrakesh,

the Empty Quarter, Naples.

Imagine what you will accomplish

when you're one of us.

Yes, sir.

Enjoy this moment, M.

They never last.

[♪♪♪]

AGENT C:

I don't know how you do it,

but you keep doing it.

Yeah? What's that, C?

Well, saving the world

from total destruction

twice...

in as many years.

I mean...

what are the odds?

What are the odds?

[♪♪♪]

MIB!

[CAMERA BEEPING]

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

Right.

Excuse me.

Yeah.

Hey.

Hey.

How's it going?

Uh, you know.

Cool party, huh?

Yeah, great party.

Something is wrong.

That's what

I was thinking.

I said to the Dyads we'd

do anything to save our world.

They said that

they would too.

Mm-hmm.

Then they told us they needed

the weapon for the Hive.

What if we misunderstood

what that meant?

Maybe they needed the weapon

to use against the Hive

to save their world.

Mm-hmm.

Which could mean they were

never the Hive at all.

Uh-huh.

But the DNA, the mutations.

High T showed us that sample.

All right. Let's see.

Agent H, bring up

the Dyad forensic report.

[WHIRRING]

[♪♪♪]

Who has the authority

to make a case file disappear?

Come with me.

And what about Naples?

How did he know we were there?

He was doing his job.

Does his job

include tracking us?

He gave this to me as a gift.

It has a chip inside it.

We need to see the confiscated

Jababian weapon.

Not possible.

Not possible? I'm the

senior agent on the case.

Let's make it possible.

Where's the weapon?

[♪♪♪]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING

INDISTINCTLY]

I think he's been chasing it

the entire time.

High T is the mole.

He's gotta be.

A mole for who?

Where would he take it?

AGENT C:

Paris.

My guess would be Paris.

I knew all along

that something was off.

I thought

he was covering for you,

but it turns out,

it was him.

He was hiding

his own tracks.

AGENT H:

Gotta be an explanation.

M, come on.

I'm coming with you.

No, C.

Hey, hey. Come on, now.

This isn't about you.

I know. I agree.

Listen, if it turns out

what you're saying is true

and word gets out that T,

the most decorated agent

in MIB history,

is a traitor,

the agency will never recover.

If we stop him,

no one ever has to know.

But what if

you can't stop him? Then what?

[♪♪♪]

Well, then

tell them it was me.

Tell them

I was the traitor.

Trust me,

the agency will believe you.

You.

[♪♪♪]

Oh, that's right.

That happened.

That's what

I'm talking about.

I'm driving.

Uh--

[SIGHS]

That really

should be here.

Not in this country.

[♪♪♪]

[ENGINE REVVING]

[TIRES SCREECH]

There should be

a big red button somewhere.

Yes!

Press the red button.

Found it.

[DINGING]

Whoa!

[SCREAMS, THEN GROANS]

[♪♪♪]

[DEVICE RINGS]

AGENT C [OVER COMM]:

H, you gotta see this.

A portal from Sector C

has been activated.

AGENT M:

The Hive.

AGENT C:

I'm sending you backup. Out.

You remember when I told you

we're in the lying business?

Mm-hmm.

T said that to me

when he recruited me.

He said,

"We have to lie to the world,

which means we can never lie

to each other."

I just don't believe

that he has.

But you can't always

trust your gut, H.

Sometimes things are

as they appear to be.

No, we saved the world,

for God's sakes.

Together,

with nothing but our wits

and our Series-7

De-Atomizers.

So I've heard.

[♪♪♪]

[TIRES SCREECH]

[ENGINE REVS]

[RUMBLING]

H?

Yeah?

Mind telling me

one more time?

How'd you beat the Hive?

Uh, it was

three years ago.

High T and I

went to face the Hive

with nothing but our wits and

our Series-7 De-Atomizers. Cool?

Yes, but how'd you do it?

Wait. What are you doing?

I'm curious. How'd you do it?

I told you.

You didn't, though.

I did a few times.

Okay, High T and I went up

to face the Hive

with nothing but our wits

and our Series-7 De-Atomizers...

[♪♪♪]

Am I...?

I'm repeating myself, aren't I?

Over and over.

Word for word.

Yeah, um... Okay,

why would I be doing that?

H, I don't think that you beat

the Hive that night.

I think you were neuralyzed.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

AGENT HIGH T:

Ah. You came to say goodbye.

And you brought the lovely M.

You can really feel

the history here.

Eiffel

discovering wormholes,

gangways to

other civilizations,

the First Alien Migration.

And we made history here too,

didn't we, H?

With just our wits

and our Series-7 De-Atomizers.

No. We didn't.

The Hive wanted the most

powerful weapon in the galaxy,

so you had Vungus bring it

to Men in Black.

You'd wait. When it came,

you'd give it to them.

My dear boy, you were always

a bright one...

but there's no stopping this.

With the weapon out of the way,

every planet will fall,

starting with this one.

Step away from the controls.

You neuralyzed me.

Made me a hero,

the guy that saved the world.

Left alive to sell the lie.

[WOMAN VOCALIZING]

AGENT HIGH T:

They wanted this.

You were there.

You were always

like a son to me.

H?

You were always

like a son to me.

That's not High T anymore.

You were always

like a son

[VOICE DISTORTS]

to him.

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTS]

PAWNY:

Shoot it! Shoot it!

[ROARS]

My queen!

I'm coming!

[♪♪♪]

[ROARS]

[YELLS]

What do we do?

What do we do?

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTS]

I'm gonna get it back.

I know he's still

in there somewhere.

Hey!

Hey! I know

you're in there somewhere!

It's me, H.

Remember, you wanted me

to take your place.

M!

[HEART BEATING]

AGENT M:

The truth of the universe.

I want to know

how it all works.

The universe has a way

of leading you

to where you're

supposed to be.

[ECHOING]

AGENT H:

At the moment

you're supposed to be there.

[IN SLOW MOTION]

My queen!

[NORMALLY]

I'm not losing another queen.

[♪♪♪]

[GRUNTS]

You said

I was like a son to you.

You were like

a father to me.

H.

Right time...

right place.

[SCREECHES]

[GRUNTS]

[ALIEN GROANS]

[EXPLOSION]

[PANTING]

Pawny?

Yeah?

You've served your queen well.

Thank you, my lady.

It was my honor.

[♪♪♪]

AGENT H:

So is she as tough as they say?

AGENT M:

In a word, yes.

Well, you didn't screw up.

AGENT M: No, ma'am.

AGENT H:

Let's be honest, there were

a few bumps along the way,

friction at the start--

Let's not be honest.

Okay. No,

we did not screw up.

You said there may be a problem

in London, but you knew.

I hadn't trusted London branch

for some time.

I never understood

the reason why.

T lived for

this organization.

He was the very best

we had to offer. He will be...

...missed.

[♪♪♪]

Welcome to the circus,

Agent M.

You are no longer

probationary.

Well, there you go.

My work here is done, I--

You are.

I'm sorry, what?

Probationary head

of London branch.

I'm sorry.

Probationary head?

It sounds like I got promoted

and demoted at the same time.

[CHUCKLES]

No. Try and cope.

Several years ago, before

all this, T mentioned to me

a young, up-and-coming

field agent who had certain

leadership qualities,

shall we say.

Was his faith in you

misplaced?

No, I just think

there are

far more experienced

agents than myself.

Yeah, there are.

But you have the full support

of our senior staff

and, by the way, Agent C.

Is that right?

Do I take it you accept?

Yes.

Good. I'll talk to

the bosses upstairs.

You need to clear

your London desk

and report to MIB

in New York on Monday.

New York.

Thank you, Agent O.

[♪♪♪]

Congratulations,

probie.

Congratulations to you too.

You'll want to

brief your agents.

Walk with me.

So you wanted to know

how it all works.

Now you do.

And as you will no doubt

have divined, Agent M,

there's a price.

[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Nope.

[CHUCKLES]

Hey there.

What are you doing?

I told O I had to

take care of

a couple things

before I went back.

Yeah? What,

like stealing my car?

No, like driving it.

You're on the right side,

at least.

I'm a quick study.

Give me a lift

back to London?

Road trip.

[♪♪♪]

[PAWNY SCREAMS]

Up, up, up!

Oh, God.

Did not need that.

Could you zap me with

that forgetting thing, please?

What are you doing here,

Pawny?

Get used to seeing me,

pretty boy.

I'm your new babysitter.

He's my new what?

Babysitter.

PAWNY: Queen's orders.

She says the chance

of your sorry ass

surviving without me:

Zero.

Okay, I did not say that...

exactly.

PAWNY:

She said,

"Slim to zero."

I rounded it down to zero

because

I feel like it's zero.

Consider it a parting gift.

Come on.

I saved the world.

You couldn't tell because

you were getting choked out.

Do I even have a choice?

No.

Yes! There we go. All right.

Where's that little red button?

Oh, it's right here.

Whoa!

I still don't like you.

I love that option.

[♪♪♪]

This is a complicated piece

of machinery, so be careful.

Yeah, got it.

I'm gonna trust my gut.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]